Anyways, Kevin, it's a special flame just for you. Care to see it? Leave me a note, or e-mail me. I'd be glad to show it to you.

Bastard.

NOTE TO SELF: Do my updated progress table tomorrow.
| Laurz @ 10:54 p.m.

Monday, November 17, 2003 I'm such an angsty little bitch. o_O It's all good though.

You know, I did actually have something important to say. I just don't remember what it is. Damnation.

Hm. Should I add some random background midi to my blog?

OH! I remember what I was going to say. I think. Err..yeah! I'm sorry my blog is so depressive all the time. Like I said, I'm an ansty little bitch, sometimes. Most of the time. @_@

Damn, now that I look at that, it wasn't so important. Damn you brain.

I think my next layout will be of JTHM. Or something along those lines. It will either be Happy Noodle Boy (but I already did happy noodle boy, so I dunno), Mr. Fuck or Nny. Not Squee. Maybe Lenore. Maybe all of the above. Or maybe..Pepito! I love Pepito.

Speaking of, I found my JTHM comics. So I think I'm going to go re-read them, and orgasm over and over again. *nod* Yes.

Speaking of orgasm (That's not something you hear every day o_o;;), Tomb Raider II comes out tomorrow. Oooooo...*drools* I'm excited. In so many ways.

Yep, you guessed it. Lau is severely sleep deprived.

I think I'll go get more coffee.

OH! Guess what? A year and a half for me and Lowell today <3.

Okay, I'm done now. Really.

EDIT: Damn. I say Damn alot. x_X
| Laurz @ 10:29 p.m.

Sunday, November 16, 2003 Dear "God",

I hate you. I hate the fact that you don't exist. I hate the fact that you're not an "all-mighty" father that I can lean on. I hate the fact that I can't use you as an easy way out of everything. I hate that you gave me the knowledge to realize you're not there. I hate how you made me. I hate how you've sent countless people to stab me in the back and betray me. I hate how I never get what I deserve. I hate how you put that stupid little slut on the other side of the mirror, and convinced me that it's me. I hate the thoughts you put in my head, and that scars you put on my wrists. I hate the family you stuck me with, and how you won't let me hate them. I hate you made me feel so guilty for everything I've done, and for everything I haven't. I hate that you won't let me be accepted. I hate you created everyone else to hate me, to despise me. I hate the fact that society sucks, and that it's all your fault. I hate that you made me confused, and lost. I hate that you made my mother hurt me, and made me belive it's my fault. I hate that I can feel the pain of the world, only when I can't handle it. I hate how the times when I need to feel my own pain, I can't. I hate the way you made me. I hate how when I finally started accepting that it's okay to be bisexual, you send the entire world to tell me I'm wrong. I hate how you build up my conscience just to shoot it back down. I hate how you won't let me be stupid, and ignore everything. I hate how you won't let me believe the compliments, but how you make me take the insults to heart. I hate to know that you're not even real, so I can't even blame all of this on you. I hate how it's all my fault. How everything I've done is some type of "karmic lesson". If you're going the put me through all of this, the least you can do is be real.

I hate you. I hate how I've lost all faith. I hate how I don't believe in anything. I sick of this "karmic bullshit". Nobody deserves to go through pain like this, I don't care what "benefits" come in later life. I don't care what I did in "past lives" to deserve this. Take your karma, and shove it.

Once again, I'm back to being spiritually empty. And it's all your fault. It's your fault, that I can't believe in anything. It's you that keeps taking my faith away from me. It's you that takes everything I believe, and rips it to shreds.

I hate your laws and your lies. I hate how you tell me that you made me how I am, but then tell me that everything I am is wrong. I hate you. I hate me. I hate how you made me. I hate how I made you. I hate the fact that you're not real.

You can't put me through this alone. You can't give me the confidence to get through it. You can't lead me to the deep end, and then leave me there to swim alone. I DON'T KNOW HOW!

I came this far, because I believed in you. I got myself deeper into this shit, because I thought you would pull me out of it. Or atleast help. You led me here. And then you LEFT! You abandoned me, and left me lost. Lost somewhere where I can NEVER get out of. You LEFT me! Like everyone else. Gained my trust, and then broke it. Broke me. My life, my dreams, my future, my EVERYTHING. Everything I am. Everything I wasn't. Everything I wanted to be. You killed yourself, and left me here to mourn, with no tears left to cry.

I HATE YOU.

Like I said, if you're going to put me through all of this, the least you can do is be real.

The illusion I had of you created me. And the same thing will destroy me. FOREVER.

THE END.
| Laurz @ 10:51 p.m.

Sunday, November 16, 2003 This, is a bunch of shit.

This, is one big reason why I hate the military. I would be forever greatful, if someone could find me some information on the Pentagon's "Gay Policy".
| Laurz @ 07:42 p.m.

Friday, November 14, 2003 Mom: ..and he goes around, every night before work checking all the garbage cans.
Me: The garbage cans?
Mom: He's a fuckin garbage Nazi.

---

Me: Dad! Smell this magazine!

---

Mom: I'm not deaf, I'm just stupid!

---

Me: Dude, mom, listen to my soda!

---

Mom: ...What's that word? (reffering to 'catharasis' or something like that, I don't remember)
Dad: I dunno
Mom: Laura, what's that word mean?
Me (with a completely straight face): It's a type...of cheese.

---

It's been an interesting night. I guess you'd have to be there.
| Laurz @ 11:28 p.m.

Friday, November 14, 2003

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 Okay, look at these pictures:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.

And just try to tell me he's not hot. Truthfully.

No, not even close to hot. GORGEOUS.

And yes, I said HE. (It's Mana from Malice Mizer, a Japanese Visual Rock Band)

(But Lowell's better. Hehe.)
| Laurz @ 06:04 p.m.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

What Kind of Blogger are You?

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 Guest1470: asl?
Me: Nope.
Guest1470: loser
Guest1470: get a life
Guest1470: n00be
Guest1470: get a life!!!!!!!!!1

People are odd.
| Laurz @ 05:30 p.m.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 Mom: Well, it's a good fuckin thing I didn't have to use the phone!
Me: I was only on for an hour. I wasn't complaining when you were on all this morning.
Mom: Well it's MY god damned house!
Me: Yeah, and I live here.
Mom: And I don't fuckin CARE!
Me: That's nice.
Mom: Shut your fuckin mouth, Laura. *under her breath* Fuckin bitch

I wish I had school today.

4:10pm : Sweet. Mom's talking to Dad. And lying to Dad. And I'm sure to get my ass kicked. This day just keeps getting better!

Homicidal Tendencies are bad.

4:57pm: Dad says I can lock mom in the basement. I think that's the first time he didn't believe every word she said. *shrug*

4:59pm: *mentally huggles Al* =(
| Laurz @ 03:53 p.m.

Monday, November 10, 2003 Look at me, look at me! I'm a nice pink blog! That's right pink! Pink and NON-OCCULT! Yep, definatley NOT an Occult blog.

If you're going to block it, block it for a reason. A reason like this:

I'M NASTY SATANIC GOAT SACRIFICING SCUM! I AM THE ANTI-CHRIST! I WATCH PORN AND TEACH PROFANITY TO SMALL CHILDREN!

Not really. You see, this is the Anti-christ. And I'm actually quite fond of goats. They're nice. And..goat like. Yeah. I don't watch porn. Especially 80's porn, with the people with big hair and polka music playing in the background. Oh, and I don't teach profanity to small children. Not directly anyways. If they hear me saying it, it's not my fault. Stupid eves-dropping little devil kids. o_O

(10 minutes later) "I thought we were having Stove Top? I want none of this soul-toast!" I love Pepito.

(And even later) Mmmmmmmmmm Non-Carbonated Purified Drinking Water!

(And later still) Oh my god. My substitute for this class (Comp 1A) just said that she worked for 4 years at Four Winds with the ED people. Oh good god. Is that where I recognize her from? I hope not. *hides* That royally sucks.

Oh, the link to my TOD will be up within the next few days. I'm going to be completely re-starting it, for many reasons that I don't feel like going over. No, I won't give out the address to anyone now, and if you already know it, I have to ask you to not tell a soul. Thank you.

Alright, I'm off.
| Laurz @ 01:12 p.m.

Sunday, November 9, 2003 Yeah, I really wish someone would randomly show up and drag me off somewhere. I have nothing to do. But the only people I actually hang out with are..well..unavailable. Every single one of 'em. Meh. So I guess I'm stuck home.

Oh well. It's for the best, I guess. Why? I dunno. But in some odd way, it probably is.

I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm really tired. And I have the oddest feeling in my stomach. It's kind of like..how you feel if you were to fall straight backwards onto a hard floor. And it hurts your stomach. And makes it feel weird. Yeah. There's prolly a word for that. There's a word for everything.

Moving on. I need a new song to listen to. I just realized that this song (The Red - Chevelle) has been on repeat for like..forever now. This works. (For You - Staind). I haven't listed to Staind since.....

Well, last night. But that was only one song on Launch Radio, and it was their newest one, so it doesn't really count. Yeah.

You know, I could go take a shower and get ready for something. Just in case somebody shows up and drags me away to do something. But I know that's not going to happen, so why do it? I dunno. The POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING! Yeah.

I hear loud music. *peeks outside* Oh, it's the TV. Meh. I thought Steph might be having another wild party. Meh.

PHONE!

It's Idaho. GOD DAMMIT. And other profanities.

I have to pee. So I think I'll go pee and take a shower. AT THE SAME TIME! AHAAHA!

Not really.
| Laurz @ 02:23 p.m.

Sunday, November 9, 2003 I am so fuckin pissed. I just went to sign into my hotmail account, and apparently, they've deleted it. All gone. I can re-activate it, of course, but EVERYTHING is gone. Including everybody's addresses and phone numbers. Meaning Lacy's is gone too. And I really want to call her. But now I can't. I have her cell phone number, but I'm not sure where it is.

Oh, wait, mom has it. So I can call her. But I'll only have 10 minutes, because that's all that's on my phone card. My phone card that I got in a box of cereal. Or..not box of cereal. Box of something. Hm. Don't remember what.

Lowell and Al deserted me. They said they weren't leaving for 20 minutes, and I called 10 minutes after they called, and they left. Bums.

I'm gonna go call Lacy. I'll write later.
| Laurz @ 02:02 p.m.

Saturday, November 8, 2003 Finally, I got this layout up. Took me like..3 days. But that's alright. It's the first *simple* layout I've had. Scary, ne? Anyways, leave me comments with what you think.

I got new comments too from enetation.co.uk. They're great. I found a way to set them up where I don't have to type a freakin' code in the bottom of every entry. I'm lovin' it.

I think I'm gonna go install some messengers, since I don't have any at the moment. And call Lowell back too. I'll be online all night though, so if anyone wants to get ahold of me, for any odd reason, e-mail me or leave me a comment in my wonderful new comments box.
| Laurz @ 11:26 p.m.