the ophishal take over of albany
a few thoughts and reflections:

the shoulder that i leaned on was carved out of stone
but when i'm done freezing i want to be alone

never want my hand cut off
never want a hacking cough
never need a cliffside push
never turn my brain to mush

always give me what i lack
always take the best parts back
always recognize your fate
always just a moment late

left is where i always turn
left is how i'm forced to learn
left the route my walking takes
left alone with my mistakes

up against the person who
up till now i never knew
up from hell the answer blew
up or down it's up to you

drop me off the chinese wall
and peel my fingers off the rim
i come unglued while in midair and land to reform
limb by limb

and i am taken far away...

lingering slowly melting away
tossed with the salad and baled with the hay
pooling like water that drips from above
trampled by lambs and pecked by the dove

you know, sometimes i would swear to god that phish can read my mind, and play the exact song that i needed to hear. it always seems to be a random song that i don't realize is the exact song that i need, but they always just seem to know. this was really one of the most intense weekends of my life. emotions in every different direction. i love seeing phish. albany was really cool, because the circus took over the city for a few days. it was so much fun rock-staring it for my birthday. there isn't a single thing that i would've rather done.

here's shafty, cuz it's stuck in my head, and i like it:

the terrible thing about hell
is that when you're there you can't even tell
as you move through this life you love so
you could be there and not even know

but you say so what i'm doing just fine
the irony is that it's all in your mind
and that is why hell is so vicious and cruel
but you'll just go on an oblivious fool

1 reason why i love diego
i was at the bar the other night for the deadbeats, and as usual, mark fried was there. for those of you out there who don't know about mark, he is this out of control mountian man that i lived with for a semester. he is 50+ years old, and likes 16 year old boys. he always wears this big ol' hat, and my dad says he looks like arlo guthery. he is really an interesting guy. a natural story teller. i think that i could listen to his stories forever (well, at least until he starts talking about his horny-ness). diego, being the kid that he is, and randomly knowing just about everyone, knows mark. he came to visit me at mark's, and the two of them flipped out over the fact that diego was standing on his porch. throughout the semester, diego came to visit a bunch of times, and we would all go out together. well, one night at the deadbeats, mark actually started dancing. it was the first time in 20 some-odd years since mark had danced. then, at least two or three other times that diego was up, mark danced. diego has a really special magic. he helps people to remember how to have fun, if they have forgotten. he brings an aura of child-like fun around with him, and helps people to laugh and smile. he is also part sharpa, but i guess that that would be a second reason why i love diego.

the funniest moment of my life
one time, on a band trip to tennessee, we were marching in the dolly~wood opening parade. anyways, we're all lined up waiting to start, and who pulls up, none other than delta burke, and major dad. well, marie has a conversation with delta (something to the effect of "you're delta burke!" and her replying, "i sure am!" in her southern belle accent). about two minutes after she pulls away, marie starts freaking out. she was alright at first, but once it hit her that she actually spoke with delta burke, the flood gates opened! she was totally like a japanese girl at a michel jackson concert! all she could say was "delta!" and, "i love that show!" crying hysterically! now, i'm crying too at this point. i'm laughing so hard at marie. keep in mind, we're supossed to be standing at attention, and looking somewhat profesional. esther, our bitch-ass color guard instructor started yelling at us to shut up, which only made it worse. i was laughing too hard to be able stop, it was just too funny, and esther's yelling just made me laugh even more. now, we're really making a sceene. we have the entire band's attention. at first no one knew why marie was crying, all they saw was her in tears, being yelled at. they must have figured that it was a moment of stupid drama. i think it took everyone a few minutes to realize what a big dork marie is, for being so crazy over delta.

the northern lights fairy spell
~from "fairy spells" by claire nahmad

when the firnament is lighted up with meteoric phenomena, and the merry dancers assume their pretty gowns of many colours and make great sport up and down the curtain of the night sky until they are in a fair frolic and frenzy, these northern lights are come to let you know that the evening is full of fire and magic, and the season ripe for spells and craftworking.

therefore, coax a cat (better is she be black) onto your lap, and sit alone with her in the garden, stroking her until a sheen appears on her coat, and she purrs contentedly. have at your elbow a nipperkin of wine in a small vessel, and at the cat's first stretch, anoint her lightly with the wine, making the holy sign of the cross upon her head, and then do the same for yourself.

gently grasp the end of her tail and stroke it three times swiftly over your left eye, and then over your right, saying:

elves of the night, enchant my sight,
your forms for to see in moon or sunlight;
with this spell and with this sign
i pri'thee, forward my design

let puss run off, and steal away to your bedchamber, there to contemplate the moon and the stars and all the magical lights of the sky from your lattice. if you have found favour with the fairies, then mystic dreams will come to you that night, and afterwards you will begin to see the little people at their revels, faintly at first, but yet more clear, more lucid, as the fairy~enchantment blesses ever deeper your inner seeing.

purgatory
i hate this week. it's my least favorite week of the year. the last week of summer, before classes start again. this year, though, it's worse than ever. usually, i at least have lots of fond memeories of a killer summer to reflect upon (not to mention something green). but not this year. this has truely been the worst summer of my life! i guess i should be glad that it is over, and i probably would be, if i hadn't had a couple of kick-ass weekends, starting with berkfest. that just made me want more of fun summer. but, instead, i'm stuck inside this monotonous purgatory that jersey is, treading water until next week.

things are pissing me off lately, that really shouldn't. things that i have no control over. i get so mad, and sad. i just really don't like it at all. old wounds that i thought had healed weeks, months, or years ago began to bleed again. people come to me in my dreams, and i just wish that they would stay gone. when i wake up, it's like them leaving me all over again, and i have to constantly relive that pain. i just want it to stop, but i guess there are just some wounds that never fully heal. time just sorta numbs pain.

f u yahoo
i'm so frustrated right now, i want to scream! i hate computers so much! i can't even handle it. there have been at least 27 times today, when i almost threw my mom's computer out the window. i thought, hey, i finally have my new page layout, great! no more compter problems today! wrong! now, yahoo will not let me log on to my email. fuck you yahoo!