html goddess
much thanks to marie for teaching me all kinds o' nifty html goodies. yay!

little person off my ass
is it just me, or do people really suck? what happened to common curtesy? you tell someone that you are going to do something, you do it. end of story. i get so pissed off when people try to pull that crap. josh tried to pull some crap last night, and boy best watch out. jesus! he said that he would do me a favor last night, which was very nice of him, but then he doesn't do it, and doesn't even bother to call to tell me. so i sit around all night waiting for his stupid ass to call, and nothing. i don't know what he is thinking. if he wants to stay my boy, then things need to change. i just won't put up with it any more. my friend bridget said once, "having a boyfriend is like have a little person attached to your ass." so right! sure, the sex is great, but i really don't need the bs that comes along with it. i just chopped all of my hair off, and i feel like things are about to really change in my life. maybe it's about time to surgically remove the little person from my ass.

you crazy diamond!
i know that there is not a lot that i can do for you right now. i wish i could wave my magic wand and make things better, but i know that what you really need is time. you are my hero. i love and worship you for the beautiful goddess that you are.

remember when you were young,
you shone like the sun.
shine on you crazy diamond.
now there's a look in your eyes,
like the black holes in the sky.
shine on you crzy diamond.
you were caught on the crossfire
of childhood and stardom,
blown on the steel breeze.
come on you target for far away laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr,
and shine!

you reached for the secret too soon,
you cried for the moon.
shine on you crazy diamond.
threatened by shadows at night,
and exposed in the light.
shine on you crazy diamond.
well you wore out your welcome
with random precision,
rode on the steel breeze.
come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner,
and shine!

wu name
i just looked up my wu name and had to share it: sheepish lord of chaos.

amelia is weird
so, my parents just got home yesterday. they were in tennessee and north carolina for a week, checking out good retirement spots. they left the day before i came home from school, so i had the house to myself for the week. josh slept over every night. it was really nice to wake up next to him every morning, but i think that it got to be too much. it was really nice to have my bed to myself. it had been 8 days since i slept alone. i think i do the best dreaming when i'm alone. dreaming is so great. there is some kind of place we go with our minds every time we sleep. i don't think that we are there alone though. i think that when we dream about somebody they are there too. my cat jumps into my dreams all the time. i'll dream that she is looking at me, and then i'll wake up and sure enough she's sitting at the foot of the bed staring at me. cats are really weird. i think that they know something that we don't.

love?
lately i've been thinking a lot about love. what is it really? how do you explain what love is? i know that i feel love. but what is it? love is really such an irrational emotion. i don't think that i will ever be satisfied. i expect too much from boys. i pretty much will tollerate nothing less then being treated like the goddess that i am. i get really mad about the littlest things, and the fact that no boy has ever been able to read my mind. i don't really understand why love happens, and i might not know fully what it means, but i do know how to feel love. i know that once i start loving, i can't stop. relationships end, but once i give away that little piece of me, i don't ever take it back. how do you love someone one day, and the next, stop? being able to switch it on and off like that would save so much pain, but i guess without the pain, you wouldn't know the pleasures. in order to feel good, we also have to feel bad, and that sucks.