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I.N.V.U.
Thursday, February 13, 2003 - 07:41 a.m.
Hate winter. Hate it. My hands hurt so bad from the cold.
I'm tired of feeling like a waste of space. I'm tired of thinking about population figures and mentally wanting to subtract one. I want to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good girlfriend. I doubt very strongly that I can accomplish more than one of these.
Basically, and I think my bl0g will serve as ironic evidence, I'm too selfish. It's always about me. My problems, my interests, my wants. Even when I'm attempting to surpress them, my desires take center stage before anything else in my personality, and it makes me sick. But it's hard to help it, because that's the nature of my personality. Guess I make me sick.
I'm a terrible friend. Too crass to be witty, too awkward to be pretty, too careless to be stylish, too slow to be funny, too ignorant to be well informed, too reserved to speak my opinion, too dense to make a good suggestion, too wishy-washy to make a decision, too stupid to keep in touch, too much of a coward to just make changes. I hate myself too much to invest in others. Others should not invest their time in me. This kind of hate just doesn't go away. It's an infection. It crawls around underneath the skin, hides in remote parts even when you think you've got it whipped. It's hope's evil twin, and I am it's host. My hope doesn't really fight against my hate, either. It cries and says "Why did you do that to me?" I wish I had an answer. Above all my worldly flaws, still lies the overwhelming problem of my selfishness. It's like in order to participate, I have to be entertained. If your life doesn't facinate me, then forget it. What the hell kind of friend is that? Said it before, say it again, I'm a terrible person.
If my friends knew what was good for them, they'd leave me to just deal with it all by myself, since I seem so self-concerned. There's no way for me to not be a total brat, so why even deal with me?
No, it'd be better if most everyone just went about their lives sans G. I could work on being less of a bad girlfriend, and less of a bad daughter that way, at least. Since those are the people that have absolutely commited themselves to my sorry ass for some reason.
The sad thing might be that this isn't even cathartic. I don't feel anything except maybe a hollow pain right now.
I had a dream last night, that I was held captive in a village that depended on a whale that came into their bay, and turned their well water red. The whale turned on them one day, and they called upon me to kill it, suddenly my allies and not my enemies. Upon driving in a huge spear, finishing the beast off, it was discovered that it was going to be, or going to try to be a mother, and in its changed state was behaving against the normal. To them, I was still a hero. But I just felt empty and sad for what I'd really done. It could have just been let out. And I killed it.
I think the moral of the story is that I'm crazy and reprehensible, and should be left alone.
Scum of the Earth
Wednesday, February 12, 2003 - 07:36 p.m.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
bye.
Doubt = pain
Tuesday, February 11, 2003 - 03:28 p.m.
I am so mentally spent. Which is sad, given that I haven't even done anything to merit it. But a mantra of how worthless one's self is can be tiring, I guess.
At least I can take up my time with coloring.
Moo.
G
Frosty
Saturday, February 8, 2003 - 01:22 p.m.
You are Shiva! You may not be one for comradery,
but you get the job done with icy precision.
Beware of the Diamond Dust!
What Final Fantasy summon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Tee hee. Bloodsucking
Saturday, February 8, 2003 - 01:17 p.m.
What Anime Vampire Are You?
moo
Friday, February 7, 2003 - 01:17 a.m.
I'm a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, tight as fuck, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Whoo hoo!
Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 10:56 p.m.
What the shit?
Wednesday, February 5, 2003 - 12:47 p.m.
Silence so Loud it Kills
Sunday, February 2, 2003 - 06:10 p.m.
I've had things to say for days. Dreams to share, feelings to expound, things to go over, ever since my last entry. I haven't. I've been a good girl now for days - quiet, (relatively) polite, sacraficial, helpful - and all it seems to earn me is broken sleep at night.
I just woke up from a two hour nap that felt like a total reset. Something like: "poink! the rest of today never happened, but here's tomorrow, even though it's dark out!" I'm glad it's dark. As long as it stays dark, I can't tell if it's snowing or not. It better not be.
Let me reiterate, for those of you in the dark: I hate snow, I hate the cold, I hate winter. I know, I live in the wrong area for that mentality. It's not as though I do anything constructive when the weather is any different, though. So let winter happen, it is necessary after all. It's the killer that heals when it's over.
I just finished having this dream: I came in the room, and I don't know how. And nevermind, you don't care, and it's not like this makes sense.
Bye
G
pish-tush
Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 06:38 p.m.
Which OS are You?
I won't rest until I get that milkshake!
Friday, January 24, 2003 - 09:57 a.m.
Proof that I can't write worth a crap anymore: I started writing a cover letter that looks like a third-grade essay. Yuck. Must get it together! Must have job. Do not want to run completely out of cash. Noooooo, no.
Ok, so ready for a revelation, more like a big admittance on my part. I'm lonely. Not romantic lonely, but friend-lonely. Yes, I miss my friends. Yes I realize I don't help matters by always being away. No, I don't know why I'm doing it. And no, I don't know when I'll cut that the hell out. It'll happen when it happens. Bottom line is I like to be around people, and this being back home, around nobody but family is sort of taxing on my freaky psyche. I told Rob that developing friendships would be bad for my health at some point. But he didn't follow. And here I am, feeling like something the dog dragged in, thinking "if I wasn't so damned used to people, this wouldn't be such a problem." Feh. Well, whatever.
I desperately want coffee.
G the Jitterbug
catch-22
Wednesday, January 22, 2003 - 02:21 p.m.
Sadness abounds, I'm afraid of my own shadow, and more afraid that I can't do anything about it because I'm too afraid to.
Anyone care to tell me as to when I got ~this~ pathetic?
The Un-floatable G
bleck
Friday, January 17, 2003 - 11:43 p.m.
Sometimes, when I ignore people, I get to wondering if I am in turn a bad person.
A friend of mine from IL tried to message me. I saw this, she was still available, and I totally ignored her. I almost never get to talk to her. I never call anybody, and hardly anybody ever calls me. I am terrible at keeping in touch, and I didn't send out my cards this year at all.
It seems like I can't be bothered with people unless they're telling me exactly what I want to hear, or they're petting my ego, or I find them utterly facinating. That's awful. But what's probably worse, is that despite this entire self-depricating discourse, I don't seem to be feeling much guilt.
Some sensible part of me realizes that I'm trying to get my head together, and that the process doesn't always include saying 'hi' to everyone who looks my way. Still, I really did mean to get my cards out, I do feel sort of bad about that. But I wanted to do this gift thing with it, and I never quite got around to that, and same old song and dance.
On a total sidebar, I'm half-way through American Gods. It's really good, I'm really enjoying it (now that I've actually started really reading it). It totally tripped my mom out. It's always fun to do that. The funny thing is, I'm sort of famliar with some of the terrain. My neighbor's mom lived in Cairo, and I'm pretty sure I've been to Bloomington. I've definately been to New York. (Have I mentioned that I really love the place. There's so much for the senses to drink in, I honestly doubt I'll ever remotely have the same feeling twice there.) And to Boston.
But enough of this ridiculous insight into what I might be thinking! Fah, who wants that? I think I'll go watch tv, or pass out, or some-such.
I have toes!
G the Bespectacled
And I'd spend a lot of time indoors
Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 09:16 p.m.
I wish my fears were tangible things. Then I could slay them with my mighty dagger (aka a paring knife I got because we didn't actually have a real knife) and wash my hair in their blood until it was black. Maybe that's overly graphic. But I'm in a weird mood, whaddya want?
I swear I really need to eat better. I know it's behind my vicious mood swings. Or at least the downward ones. And yet I do nothing about it. I'm an odd duck.
But you know, I've got a big sister now, to complement the scores of brother-kun types I've got floating about. (No knock against Kat, mind you, but it's a different animal, being a little sister yourself. But then again, I'm sure she'd understand that. :P At least I hope so. I wuv you Kit-Kat! [*Crosses fingers 'bout Saturday*]) And, as we all know, it's just not cool to look like a total spaz to your big sister. ^_^*
Spring semester of college is out. So now I'm back to my "I really have to work, 'cept I don't really wanna, but I'd go broke and insane if I didn't, ACK!" mode. That = bad. I'll find something. It'll probably suck, but it'll be something. You want fries with that?
Swimming in The Sea of Neurosis
G the other white meat
Have yourself a merry little whatsit
Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 09:47 p.m.
A full belly is the quick solution to being a moody biotch. Or so it would seem. Makes me feel like I can access my education, if you can dig where I'm going with that.
I'm actually in a writing mood, if you can believe that. It happens. Sometimes.
Can I just say something? Something slightly controversial? I hate Spongebob Squarepants. Hate. Capital H. What kind of whacked-out crap is this? I've tried to watch it, I have. I gave it a fair shot. I found it to be shoddily written, and unentertaining. I noticed that some Ren and Stimpy-esque animation shows up in there from time to time, in the form of the extreme close ups that they were so fond of. I gotta say, I was never too fond of that aspect of the show. As classic as Ren and Stimpy is to some, I only found it to be marginally rewarding. But back to the subject at hand. I find it rather painful that they got some of the cast they did. A Rocko's Modern Life vet is playing the lead character. :/ Why-oh-why? Why do shows like Rocko and Invader Zim get swept under the rug? Lack of interest? Too many creative differences? More slots in which to air Rocket Power? Blegh. I remember the golden days of Nickelodeon. Weird little animated interludes, You Can't Do That On Television, crappy yet amusing (and original!) game shows, anime style fairy tales at noon, and Count Duckula. (I swear to god, no one else remembers Count Duckula but me.)
Of course, maybe all that ranting says is that I watch way to much freaking television. What can I say? I live at home (again). The TV is always on, whether I like it or not. When I have a place of my own, that will surely be different. I prefer radio and album as far as media saturation goes.
Randomosity --
oh hell.... now I lost my train of thought
I can't fucking write poetry anymore, you know? It's sort of starting to get to me. I can think up starts, and it makes me itch to run to keyboard, pen, paper, whatever. Unfortunately, these things always hit when it would be wrong to run off and demand silence. I feel compelled to squash my creative urges. They're too disruptive. And the last thing I want to do is snap because someone asked me what I'm doing. That = bad. But then again, I feel bad a lot anyway. I know I think too much, and that's a big part of my problem. But I can't really help it. I can't maintain a better line of thought than "what am I doing wrong here?" Which is maddening, to say the least.
Well, whatever. blabing about it is just another way for me to agonize, and I'm pretty sure I'm ~not~ supposed to do that. Seems logical, ne? Yup.
Boogity boogity shoo
G
"Facinating" - Spock
Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 12:07 p.m.
Where is my mind?
Monday, January 13, 2003 - 03:12 p.m.
I dunno. I haven't been too talky lately, ne? I have trouble thinking, and expressing.
I'm in full-out panic mode about everything that comes up, pretty much.
I'm debating a cameo at the Tower. But don't hold your breath.
I beat Golden Sun. I think that means I need to update my website.
Did you think I'd died?
Moreover, did you care? Didn't think so.
Sorry I was so cheap this Christmas.
Ew, my hands smell like dog.
gotta go,
G the Cryptic and Disinteresting
demolition girl
Monday, December 16, 2002 - 06:59 p.m.
my soul
It's laying naked on the ceiling
Beleaguered with thoughts
It does that some times
Hung up on what I'm doing tomorrow
Whether or not I'll eat today
my soul is on the ceiling
With its eyes tight shut
Because it's embarassed to be seen with me
I hope Christmas is nice. It doesn't feel like it's coming.
Monday, December 9, 2002 - 10:06 p.m.
Blog for the sake of blog.
I never have anything to say anymore.
and I don't really....
moon... power... make-up!
Thursday, November 21, 2002 - 12:00 p.m.
No one listens, but I'm okay with it
don't trust me...
Listening to OLP and wanting to cry a little. Which is contradictary, really. I've got it fairly good. Got a steady (if bizzare and odd-scheduled) job, looks like I'm not going to be homeless in a month, and I get to go home next week. I've got my car, even if I do have to walk to the train station to use it right now.
I'm a shaky person. I'm built on an unsteady foundation. I had a decent childhood. My adolecence was no more or less troubled than what anybody else had. But I had unsteady periods. Times when I didn't know who I was. Personal amnesia. I always re-found me, but my nervous nature always whispered that something wasn't quite right in the way I put me back together. What caused these? Moving around, readjusting, the regular shifts and fluxes that are part of getting to the state where you're no longer considered "growing up".
Every time someone says to me (and this seems to happen a lot) that they either don't believe I'm "only 20" or that I seem to be a lot older, I have to wonder why. For the life of me I can't figure it out.
I'd go into it, but it occurs to me that I have phone calls to make, and I should probably eat before I go to work. Huzzah.
Aku * Ryo * Tai * San!!
Sailor G
Skreeee!
Monday, November 18, 2002 - 09:38 p.m.
You are a pheonix.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox
"The phoenix was known to both the Russians and the Native Americans. This legendary creature of flame was said to live for thousands of years, and then die in an explosion of flame. When the fire dissipated, the bird would be reborn from it's own ashes."
Not sure I believe that, but neat anyhow!
So lazy, it hurts
Wednesday, October 30, 2002 - 01:09 a.m.
Just a list
Stuff
- I need to stop watching messed-up movies.
- It's a day before Halloween - I'm already thinking about what I want for Christmas.
- Shit, I didn't look up train schedules for November!
- Ok, now I did.
- I don't have a costume for Halloween.
- I'd say I don't care, but I seem to be highly hung up on this thought.
- I bought books. I might even read them!
- I really need to start getting more sleep.
- Goodnight
- ~G
There's a Cowardly Lion
Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 08:27 p.m.
The Ring is the scariest movie ever.
I had a blast this Friday at the OLP show! They played such a good set, and it was a really nice night, and I met some really cool people. Some of my faith in humanity has been restored. Yay to that!
On a similar tanget, I really love NYC. I'd go into it, but I'm sleepy, and don't feel like typing, and must conserve my energy for laundry purposes.
Jaa,
G
AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 08:05 p.m.
Dude!!! I won tickets to a 500 person OLP acoustic concert tomorrow night in NYC! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! *squee!!!*
It's so hilarious, because I'm still high off the last concert, which was, of course, last Friday. :P Oh man. So awesome.
I am so jazzed.
G
If I was the walrus, you'd know it by now
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 - 01:29 p.m.
Metaphor, for a missing moment... This is such a good album.
So my schedule is changing again. Yay. Rah. Freshmen.
Watched High Fidelity last night, and now I want to make a mix CD. I'm thinking one for Kat. ^_~* I owe her one anywho!
I also - as a byproduct of a self-analysis driven movie, and this recent evaluation business at work - am reconsidering my worth. What do I do with my time? What makes me happy? (There's the million dollar question, ne?) What do I want to ~do~ with myself? I say I want to get into politics, become president, et cetera, but what drives that idea? Sheer novelty, as far as I can see. I want to make a difference, certainly. Most people do at heart, I think. But am I clever enough to even learn to become well spoken enough to get my messages across to people? Are my ideals even worth broadcasting in the first place? My standards are definately not for everyone. I would just really love to see the bar raised from it's current low point. The trouble is, I highly question my influence, my potential for effectiveness. Of course, I'm foreshadowing a dark-tinted future for myself, but it's only based on my current personal statistics.
- I have a fear of confrontation. -1
- I have a fear of public speaking. It's potentially correctable via schooling and practice. Neutral.
- I don't ~actually~ know how politics, the law, and our government work, except that it's all flawed. Also correctable, and relatively neutral.
- My views, opinions, and convictions conflict with some major groups, and probably several minor ones as well. I don't even know how many negative points to add just for this alone.
- My presence doesn't generally command respect. I guess that could change. But for now: -1
I mean, I could go on, but what would be the point? The fact of the matter is, it falls under the category of "Things I might like to do, but don't know if I'd actually be good enough at them to continue it with faith and confidence."
A big part of my problem is I don't live progressively. I live right now, and worry about next week and next month, giving no thought to where I want to be next year. And I wallow in the past. Eh. I'll work on it. No promises though.
I'm losing track of what I'm doing, and getting bored. Think I'm gonna go.
G
Kitties say moo!
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 - 12:25 a.m.
No they don't! :P I am such a crackbaby.
So I'm finally blogging again. Don't expect this often. Lemme give you a picture of what's new with me.
I got to (briefly, at least) meet Our Lady Peace. Picture it. Friday (Saturday, technically), 1:30am or so, Atlantic City (2 hours away from where I currently reside). Rob and I had just seen the band in concert about an hour and a half ago. (Details on that to follow.) And we've gone outside and found the bus. So we're chilling with some fellow fans, partially dreading the drive back, but mostly just buzzed from the show. We glance up, and, oh, hey, there's the band, signing stuff for people. Badass.
Now for the whole story. I was never especially interested in going to the show in the first place, but opted to get tickets, because it's Our Lady Peace, and I had a feeling I wouldn't regret it, even if I couldn't get motivated. I woke up so tired, as did Rob. I went to work and came back around 3. I had a tough time motivating him, but after a shower and some food, he agreed that we should go. The drive down was hellaciously messed up. The tollways were packed with idiots. And there are at least six tolls. Thirty five cents. Naturally the most awkward combination of coinage possible. But we got to the city just in time, and had no trouble finding the casino/marina. Fingertight and The Juliana Theory opened. I was sorta zonked for the first band, my tiredness was starting to catch up to me. The Juliana Theory was loud, and very theatrical. I couldn't really focus in on them either, so I was underwhelmed. I think I should give them another chance. I nearly lost my will during the break before OLP's set, but I stuck it out. We were really close to front center. It was great. Not too many tall people in the way. Some drunk girls tried to push through, but it didn't work. And then the band came out. They played a glorious set. (Look up the setlist your own darn self. :P) For the final song of the encore, 4am, they brought out a kid I'd seen at the start of the show with a pass around his neck. They said his name is Kerry. He got to lead the crowd in a singalong. :) I talked to him and his uncle afterwards, and they're both really nice. We found out Kerry lives about 25 minutes from Rob and I. In the brief meet-and-greet with the band, I got to pass on a URL that Kerry had given me (www.bloomfieldavecafe.com) to Raine, because Kerry had mentioned to me that he wanted to try to get OLP to play his benefit there. So I was happy to key him in on it. So cool. And I got my version of the Hammerstein setlist signed by Raine, Duncan, and Steve. Jermey tried to sign the paper with the URL on it, then signed a random page in my notebook, and a page of my Cowboy Bebop notebook, then wandered off to continue his phone conversation. (Raine quote: "No, dude, don't write on that, that's Kerry's website." Jeremy: "Oh.")
That was so cool. I'm still pleased on many ways about it. Of course, this morning, my car got towed. That sucked. But, uhm, I'll fix it.
I still kinda wanna go home.
G
I wanna go home
Monday, October 14, 2002 - 01:11 p.m.
I had this awful dream last night. I dreamt I called home, and they were all waiting on me, and I had to keep saying I couldn't. I got so frustrated that I just started and couldn't stop crying, and I thought for sure I was crying outside the dream, too, but as it turns out, that was on a time delay, as I'm crying now, but wasn't then.
don't get me wrong, where I'm at now has it's advantages. And I'm not altogether unhappy. I just really wish I could go home, is all.
I still don't think I have any friends. I know there's argument and a half against it. The point is, if I don't feel it, then it isn't entirely so, you know? It's not that I don't like them. It's not that...
This rant interrupted by a frigging FIRE ALARM. There better have been a real fire this time. *grumble*
I will now say moo: "moo"
Saturday, October 12, 2002 - 06:50 p.m.
Been saying that a lot lately. Maybe I think I'm getting fat, or something.
Working on the website again. It's looking fairly choice. I'll probably change up everything once I'm ready, bl0gg0 included.
I had other things to say.
But I forget what those things were. It's just as well. I go sleepy now.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
G
Thursday, October 10, 2002 - 09:40 p.m.
Congratulations, you're an Iele, a blood-sucking cat who hunts humans.
What kind of female faerie are you?
Take the female faerie quizby Paradox.
Thursday, October 10, 2002 - 09:37 p.m.
What Egyptian Deity are you? go to:the quiz!
Thursday, October 10, 2002 - 09:33 p.m.
I'm Mysterious Cute!! made by Jen
What the hell?
Sunday, October 6, 2002 - 11:38 p.m.
So I guess I'm back as an AIM regular. Not a junkie. Just a regular. Which means I'm always on, but never there. And when I am, I'm just saying hi, and then bitching about my future. I'm an odd kid.
I'm starting to work on a new website. More like a revamp of the attbi site. It'll be cool, I promise. But people who don't come here because it doesn't look quite right won't come here for the exact same reason, I can guarantee. It'll be heavy CSS, and have frames. One of my goals is to use as few copyrighted pictures as possible. Which has already been thwarted by the use of a Happy Noodle Boy icon, and several Pocket Bishou -jo / -nen pictures. (Those are, I'm sure, a copyright nightmare, but what're you gonna do?) And since my shrines feature oodles of copyrighted material, I guess my hopes are sort of dashed. But I might switch a lot of the graphics to fanart, thereby absolving me of some of the guilt. As long as I get permission from the fan artist, I should be ok. This bl0g will still be pretty bad, since I never did get around to mailing Locke about the use of his art. :( I sorta do feel bad about that. I should write him. If only to say that I'm using this, and to say that I'm really excited about the new Bend pages.
Anyway. Sleepy. Going away. Hopefully to sleep soon. Shoe. My toes are squiggly. I wanna go home.
Happy Noodle G. :P
Wednesday, October 2, 2002 - 12:18 a.m.
| You are 56% geek |  | You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you'll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you're a technical geek, you'll be able to afford it, too. If you're not a technical geek, you're geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don't date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You'll constantly try to out-geek the other. |
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com
One from way left field
Monday, September 23, 2002 - 09:38 p.m.
I miss home. I miss it a lot. And pretty soon here, I need to figure out when the hell I can go back, even if only for a visit.
Work is hard. Work is long. Work pays the bills. If I had any. Work covers the expenses I undergo trying to keep my shitbox car running.
I have things I should be doing. Not the least of which is eating.
It's really hard to write like this. I definately need to move the desk over.
Yes, I'm back online. Mail me, message me, misc me, but don't miss me.
I frequently feel tired and inefficient, and like I don't count for much in what I do for most of the day. Am I depressed or just lethargic and in need of a good read, a good meal, and some activity?
Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care (about time)?
G
I'm addicted to stress it's the way that I get things done
Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 01:12 p.m.
I'm developing ulcers, I think. At the tender age of twenty. If I'm not stressing about my car, it's my bank account, or my living situation, or where to park, or what I'm doing in the next year, or whether or not I'm going to get to eat today.
Luckily, a solution to my bank issue arrived in the mail the other day. I now have an ATM card that actually withdraws from the account I have full access to! Yay!!!!! And checks that I'm probably going to have to return and get a new address on. Oops.
I don't even feel like getting into where I'm going to be living. I just don't feel like talking about it just now. Quite frankly though, I'm rather ashamed of my recent behavior, and I think just constantly being reminded of it is worse than the actual situation itself.
And my car. Oh, my car. First, it leaked gas. It was a busted fuel pump. I had it replaced ($169). Then, it stalled out and started leaking gas from the top of the carburator. I had it towed, and the guy cleaned the part that was leaking gas, so it wouldn't do that anymore ($88). It still stalled, but I put carburator cleaner in it, and it seems better now ($6 approx.). But it's still idling unevenly, and just last night I heard something that sounded loose on the underside ($???). I hate speed bumps with a passion.
And of course the related issue of parking. I should be fine now, but lordy was I paranoid about that. And I still have bouts of paranoia in regards to that issue, actually.
And now I'm going to stop whining, because if I don't, this will be eight pages of "Oh my god my life is so hard", when I know deep down that it's really not.
I think once I get back to eating regularly, I'll be a bit better. Then I'll just be mentally taxed, instead of having my stomach echo the problem.
P.S. for you lazy people who still want to comment, this will be echoed in the half-assed livejournal.
I'm out, yo
G
Jeez dude
Thursday, August 22, 2002 - 11:30 p.m.
I owe this thing such a huge entry, but lemme sum up, first:
- OLP concert last Wednesday rocked my world.
- I have a place to move into come September 1st.
- My car is an old, nasty piece of shite.
- Work is good.
- Comic books are good.
- I am a lazy so-and-so that needs to work on webpages.
- ...and clearing my HD.
- It finally rained. Twice now.
- I'm addicted to snood.
- I got a barrage of email, and now there's nothing.
- I have no furniture for this place I'm gonna live in.
- Buy me a bike?
- And a stereo?
- I wuv you!
And that's really about it for now. Nighty night!
Gia-bia-bo-bia-banana-fanna-fo-fia-mi-mai-mo-mia, Gia
wHERE IS MY MIND??!
Thursday, August 1, 2002 - 06:30 p.m.
I actually didn't mean to capslock there, but it's still a valid question.
I had such a great time at Rob's birthday festivities last night. He has such awesome, funny, great friends. He's such a lucky guy. It's great to have people you can call on to be around for the one day of the year that's all about you. (I'd make some remark about wishing I could say the same, and ramble off about that, but I think I'll be slightly less self-centered than that.)
Right now I feel a little despondant, though. I think it's tiredness, and hunger. I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I miss my friends. All of them, every one I've ever had. Granted, this doesn't stop me from living apart from everyone I can still get in touch with, but I do seem to miss them, even so. And I feel bad. I never really said I was going anywhere, I just disappeared a chunk at a time. (Of course, my older friends knew I was moving, and so they really did see that coming. Even so, there's been almost no communication for I'd say almost a full year, if not more.) Is that horrible? I think it probably is.
Work is pretty good, life is pretty good. I still am scared to death about my money situation (in relation to the next month and a half or so. Apartment hunting, and whatnot.). I'm already procrastinating in writing my mom an email, and when I remember to write, I forget why I wanted to. I've got to figure out my schedule for the next month or so, and figure out a way to explain that I try not to take days off, because I generally find them more trouble than they're worth. (Especially when I'll probably get stuck with driving, and all the fees thereof.) I feel bad because I'm going to have to go to this concert coming up on Thursday, and I really don't know if I want to. It'll be a good concert, but I honestly don't want to pay for it, and I definately don't want someone else to, either. Plus I'll have to arrange my work schedule specially for it, and drive like a fiend to someplace I've never been before, just to get there. I feel especially terrible, because I know Rob really wants to go to at least one concert, and since this is a Live concert, it makes it that much more difficult to say no to. I should really just learn to quit worrying, go with the flow, spend a little money, and be more giving to the one I love.
I should probably be reasearching apartments right now.
~ji-sama the unholy
bawm-chicka-bawm-bawm
Tuesday, July 30, 2002 - 06:30 p.m.
What's *Your* Sex Sign?
I am?
Friday, July 19, 2002 - 06:10 p.m.
I actually came out to be a Sorceress, but I felt that this was truely more accurate.
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 - 09:38 p.m.
Take the "How Do You Use Magic?" test! Written by Brimo
moooogle
Saturday, July 13, 2002 - 10:42 p.m.
I get zero email anymore. Not counting spam. I have very little desire to sign on. Even though I do miss my friends. My head is simultaneously busy and empty these days. My bank balance is only 13$. I have to transfer money over from savings so I don't get penalized for not having enough. I had really good chinese food tonight. Sesame chicken, and spare ribs, the kind with the bones. I should get paid on Thursday. well, not should, actually. I ~will~. It'll be about a hundred dollars. That should be enough to bail me out of utter destitution. In the meantime, I can hope that Steve (Michael's comic book guy) will call and sign me on to do his website. I think I can do a really good job. I hope I can. It's not like I won't have help. I went and saw Minority Report last night. It was really really good. And there was lengthy debate afterwards. And we saw two deer on the way back. I know I haven't put in any breaks per se, or actually organized this in a logical fashion, but there're two explanations. One, this is very stream of consciousness. Two, I really just don't give a crap right now. So there. Yes, I archived. No, no layout change. I like this layout, and I couldn't really change it right now even if I wanted to. Neener.
~Ji-sama the snot
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