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+++ Who (what) am I? +++
***Name // Maggie* or P-chan!
***Old? // J'ai 14 ans. (Soon to be 15.)
***Prisoner // Campbell, CA
***Ebonics? // Asian
***Computers? // Geek
***Smart? // Idiot
***GPA? // Intelligent
***Rude? // Ass
***A bit sleepy? // Lethargic
***Pot? // Stoned (at least I look it) x_x
+++ Me likes: +++
***Music (of all sorts and sizes)
***The Internet
***Anime
***Sleep
***Local shows
***Butterscotch
***Purple
***Gum
***Text messages
+++ Archives +++
July 2001 // obsessed.
August 2001 // lethargic.
September 2001 // dead.
October 2001 (part 1) // moody.
October 2001 (part 2) // blasphemy.
+++ Stalk me. +++
***Domain // Freeloaders, Inc.*
***AIM // LlamasAttackedMe
***E-mail // magpied69@hotmail.com
Thank you pitas.com!!!
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And here resides the rantings of a young derranged girl. God bless. >.<
I am a poseur!! >.< // Wednesday, October 31, 2001
Yay... look at me now... >.<
I AM 16% PUNK.
It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing
to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends
with me.
Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com!
Aww yeah.... mofuckas....
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 10:40 p.m.
a little bit tired, but good in general. // Wednesday, October 31, 2001
Hoo boy.... I am a little scared cause Laura is so freakin' horny in her little Pita land. I think she's really got it bad for this one guy, but I'm not gonna lie, I guess it's pretty confirmed that I like her crush too. (I bet you he was mine first! =P) Not in an amazingly big way, though. But he seems to come up a lot in our conversations. *gasp* It's just the more I think about him, the more I like him. So I'm trying not to think about him now cause I don't want my mind to wander, because then it never returns. Anyway, I'm not easily smitten. I could easily hate him again within the next two days. I'm that moody. And it takes a lot to get me to feel really horny. Unlike some other girls with the letter "a" as the second letter in their fist name. *rolls eyes*
Cause I never really think about sex. Not in detail, at least. Sex is sorta stupid, and I think that especially with a lot of people my age, they don't know how to handle it properly. High schoolers are so immature. It's so sad.... >.< And don't bash me just cause I went trick-or-treating. That is a different story. x_X
Yep, so I get to archive this page soon. :) October is pretty much over already. Anyway, I have to worry about my Shakespeare study project now, since I really should have done it four hours ago. Fuck English. And fuck its project. Damn the Renaissance. I'm going to get me some shut-eye. -_-
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 10:11 p.m.
live for me... spiteful words are all I know... // Monday, October 29, 2001
Well, I meant to go online for just a lil bit to check my mail, but guess what. Here I am. Still. I am a loooooser. I am a loooooooser who does not do her homework. Bad me. Daylight savings sucks. It got really dark around 6. 6 o'mofuckin'clock, for crying out loud!! Normally, I would've gone outside, but I was really lethargic and decided to be an indoor junkie instead. >.<
I feel guilty. I was supposed to call a friend back, but I never did. And I don't know what I'm doing for Halloween in two days. I think I will wear all brown and dress as a piece of shit. I dunno how I'd explain that to my peers though. Rawr. This week is turning out to be too much already, and it's only Monday. >.< 4 more days to go. I need to be excited. I think I want to see a movie. I haven't done that in a while. I miss my old friends. Well, they're not "old", I mean, I'm still friends with them and all, but it just feels like my friends have been dichotomized into two individual groups. Preppy friends and slacker pals. But I am both. What do I do? I get confused..... people are irritating. I wish they would all grow up. And stop doing drugs. Because drugs are bad for your health. =( I'm okay with smoking, but drugs = no no. Funny how a majority of people think I'm a stoner though.
Welps, that's life for you. I think I will go wipe my eyes on a warm moist towel now, because they sting. Ow.
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 11:11 p.m.
leftover kindergarten scribble.... errr.. not really, but oh well. // Monday, October 29, 2001
Oh my God, never ever take a four hour nap because I am sooooooooo sprung right now, and so god damn hyper.... wheeeeee........ Yes, and listening to A Burning Water. I am so messed up..... I feel wasted.... >.<
I have to comment on my comrade Laura's little mad lib in her entry. Since when am I erect??? Gee..... but I guess there is a happy ending with Senor Lethy, so it's all good... haha..... anyway, I have hella homework, which really bums me out. Therefore...
I AM 30% GEEK.
I probably work in computers, or a history
deptartment at a college. I never really
fit in with the "normal" crowd. But I have
friends, and this is a good thing.
Haha..... I have hella homework, therefore I take dumb, useless online quizzes that waste my time. >.< And I am only 30% geek. I feel bad. That's not a lot. Even Laura is 64 percent. This is the sorta thing that would make me want to change my screen name because now I am technically a "poseur geek." I'm not a hardcore geek eh??? HAAA!!! I'll show you world!! *busts out the emo glasses and makes love to the computer while cursing syntax errors* Wait...... errrrr... maybe not...... don't think about it, that might give you bad mental images of me... ^_^
Anyway, before I go off to study, on a final note, do NOT misspell Thom Yorke's name. For crying out loud, it's THOM, not TOM. THOM like yo mama..... >.< And not YORK, YORKE. Get it right. THOM YORKE. If I see his name misspelled one more time, I am going to scream. God bless you Thom, and the rest of Radiohead. =) Ow. My shoulder hurts. I think the computer is doing something bad to me..... off I go...
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 08:11 p.m.
I had a good evening... and you? // Sunday, October 28, 2001
I am a very happy person. I had a delightful evening. Life is so grand.... ^_^ I went to the show at UCSC with Under a Dying Sun, Keeping Ellis, A Burning Water, and Rohner of Division Day. (I would make those links, but I am quite tired and lazy at the moment to do so.) So anyway, the bands all played really really well, and there was much love and support crammed into this tiny room that was even smaller than a typical high school classroom. It was really little.... and it got really hot.... but I had a fantastic time because the music was stellar and the people were all really awesome too. I know that if someone like Jenny is reading this, she'll want to know EXACTLY what happened. Well, let's just put in short that Collin waved to me (on his own will, mind you) and Adam said hello at least three times and I talked to Brian (No.1.) Or... the monkey... whatever you prefer to call him. But he was cool cause he made patches and when I went to buy one, they were all out. =/ He was really nice and said that there would be more at the next show, and I was like... um.... okay..... but then he probably remembered that their next show is in Sacto, and I don't think I can make it to Sacto for their show. =/ So I was just standing there sorta nodding, and then he's like, wait, write your mailing address, and I'll just mail em to you. Just like that. He's so rad... I get patches in the mail.... yay. ^_^ Haha, I was a bit skeptical about giving about my address, but what the fuck, if I can stalk them, then they might as well have the ability to stalk me..... haha... like they would..... x_x Yup, it was a desireable evening of enlightenment. I am so blessed. ^_^
Too hyper to go to bed, so I think I'll write about more shit in detail. This isn't the normal type of stuff I'd write about, but hey, it's been a while since there's been good A Burning Water times. Well, the Collin thing was funny. Laura and I were squished in the front for Keeping Ellis. I felt bad for poor little Laura because people kept shoving her, and then going in front. Therefore, most of her view was blocked. I would have moved for her to have more room, but I had nowhere to move in the first place. And so after like, three camera people take her original spot, this tall guy comes barging in front of her. At first I'm thinking, dude, that's not cool......STOP CUTTING IN FRONT OF MY FRIEND! And then this guy turns around and he smiles at me and waves..... and then I'm thinking..... aw....... fuck..... it's Collin..... ^_^.......... And so yeah. He stood next to me and waved. It was very nice and cute. I was sorta flattered for some strange reason even though I really shouldn't be. I don't know. Maybe some actions do speak more than words. ^_^
Okay, well enough typing shit. I think that maybe I shall go to bed. Oh yes, and don't forget to set your clocks back!! Daylight Savings Time is in full effect now!!
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 02:35 a.m. (Or 1:35, in PDT)
Random thoughts that don't really even have any random points. // Thursday, October 25, 2001
Sooooooo....... there are things going on in my life that I am just way too lazy to write about. My eyes are sore from staring at the computer way too long, and I have to wake up early tomorrow cause I have... dun dunna.....school!! >.< Fuck. Oh well. I didn't do my homework again, but no fear. In that case, maybe I should get some sleep right about now, but I don't wanna. How funny. I think this entry is all about arguing with myself. x_x Haha... I'm an idiot.
Anyway, off I go to do Shakespeare crap... and uh..... on a final note, go listen to Dredg..... fuckin' good shit right there..... They are a fascinating and most intriguing band, and I like them with a dying passion, they're pretty much up there with the likes of Incubus and Glassjaw. And ummmm... Jenny wants a Pinkerton shirt..... I would like one tooo.... er.... why am I stalling.... this is a really demented post.... I have tons of shit I could write about but I'm not going to until later.... eeeee... why do I like ellipses so much..... anyway, I think I am going to go fireal now.
Hey, this reminded me of something. This is the format in which I write e-mails to Jenny. Haha.... anyway, good night for now... off to fight the chickens in my sleep. ^_^
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 11:43 p.m.
I said fuck the motherfuckin' shiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt........ // Tuesday, October 23, 2001
WHOO!!! IT'S A MOFUCKIN' PARTY!!
Aw yeah, I hella got my copy of Morning View. Where's yours? >.< Anyway, it was really awesome, I had to wait in line for about 20 minutes though. Everyone was there for either Incubus or the Dave Matthews Band. What a happy little gathering. :) So yep, I got my copy... and uh.... love me now Laura, cause I got yours too... ^_^ So throw fish sticks and let's have a ball cause the new Incubus album is out!! WOOO HOOO!! Ooh yeah, and I saw an Ellis dude at Tower too.... >.< I think it was Jim.... I'm not sure.... too bad A Burning Water-ees weren't there. But it's all good cause I have my Incubus!! ^_^
Sidenote - Maggie, do your fucking biology project already!! >.<
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 12:57 a.m.
And here is where the depression begins... // Monday, October 22, 2001
Well, let's just say my hands are as cold as ever and I am feeling just as cold as ever. I think it has finally happened. I think I have the guts to admit the fact that I am depressed. Sad, melancholy, whatever. A downer. Which sucks. Cause nothing has been going right lately. I know my past entries consist of happiness, but it's just not the same. The most prized things in life I value the most are starting to slip through my fingers. Which is why I shall write in here more than I usually do. It's a journal/blog/diary/whatever. I should be able to write in it as much as I want to. So instead of writing about the finer things in life, I think I'm just gonna bitch and moan and complain. Cause that's all I feel like doing at the moment. The regular stereotypical emotions of an emo kid. Whine whine whine. Fuck you. I am not an emo kid. I do not know what I am. I am lost. Confused. Someone please help...
Okay, so I realize that was a bit over-dramatic. But I am not a drama queen, nor will I ever be one. Here are the reasons that lead me to believe that I am entering the second serious depression phase of my life:
*Antisocial - I don't talk to my friends anymore. They don't reach me the same way they used to. I can't talk to them anymore about what I really feel. And when I try to talk, I can't think of the right words to say. I want a shoulder to cry on. I am lonely and miserable.
It's one of those inside feelings. I may look happy, but I feel horifically shattered and upset. I am always constantly unhappy. Quite heart-breaking. But I'm not going to try and cheer myself up. That would just be faking my emotions. I can't talk to my friends anymore.
*Lips are sealed. - I won't talk. People can try and make me, but I don't think it's gonna work. And if I do talk, I usually end up regretting what I say. >.<
*Jealousy - I am mad at the people I care about most, which in return, hurts me a lot too. I could explain this in further detail, but I'd rather not.
*Self-inflicted. - I think I owe it to myself for making such a stupid, dumb layout that shows how much I resent this world I live in. I think I am bringing this all down on myself and that maybe all I want is some pity. But why would I need it? I don't like it. I'm fine. I just don't feel like it. Maybe I am sick. Maybe I just don't know. I think that I will go and fetch that pretty little poem I wrote later on and post it.
My thoughts are so scatter-brained at the moment. If only I could find the words to say how I felt. If only I knew...
Sleep is a good thing. Maybe I will go and get some of it later on.
+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 05:35 p.m.
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