*sighs* Many frustrations are literally consuming me. I am feeling very distracted, and I feel as if nothing will go the right way. This upsets me greatly. I really don't know how to describe what I'm feeling, but I suppose that I'm a bit exasperated. First off, there's birthday pressure. I was thrilled about it at first, but now, as it's only two days away, I am far from psyched. I don't want it to come at all now, and I wish it would just pass. I am having a get-together this Saturday and I just have this horrid feeling in my gut that everything will turn out completely wrong, and it'll be a total disaster. And then today at school I find out that one of my best friends, Jenny, can't come. This really really upsets me. I consider us sorta close, and it just really blows that she can't make it. And it's not her fault, so I'm not mad at her or anything, but I just really wanted her to come. She's reliable. She always makes me laugh when things get incredibly shitty.

And there's this show at the Cactus Club tonight that I really had wanted to go to. But Jenny can't go, and Laura is stuck going to see a "wind ensemble" with her mom or something. "Not even a full symphony!" she says, "Just a lousy wind ensemble!" She's funny like that. But hey, that's pretty cool. But then she goes on to tell me how she can't do stuff for a bit cause she's got to get her grades up. That's how it is with Jenny too. I don't know, this is going to sound harsh and mean, but that factor really pisses me off. It's like, fuck, just do the fucking work. Happy parents = more privileges. But it never works out that way. And people can't do stuff cause they have "catch up on schoolwork." Well fuck, this wouldn't happen if people did their work in the first place. >.< And then my mother scolds me for doing my work in the car and at school in the morning. Well, there's a major difference, and that is the fact that I get things DONE and in ON TIME. No one seems to understand that those are the two most important elements to being a good student.

And yet again, the theme of the day is: Maggie wants to go to college. Now.

A Burning Water is playing at this moment. They make me feel so happy. Something about them makes me want to drop everything and forget all my problems and appreciate all the good things in life. If I wanted to fry someone over a barbeque, and then someone put their music on, then that would motivate me to go hug a tree or something. Music works such wonders on people. That's why I like shows and concerts so much. I can appreciate and enjoy the music, and I can pretend it appreciates me. ^_^

In more neighborly news, as I was getting the mail today, Mr. Fernandez questioned me about my biology cell flip chart. It was a strange confrontation. Typically, it is sorta weird living next door to your biology teacher and then having him ask you if you've done the homework yet. Eek. And of course I haven't. =)

My dad (well correctly, stepfather) is mad at me. An issue about chips. Ack. I don't get to see my "real" dad until the 22nd of December. He missed my birthday and I don't get to see him until three days before Christmas.

And people at school like my belt. Life is grand. >.< Bleh.

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 05:22 p.m. +++Bash me now.+++

Fanciful.... hmmm.... a batch of my latest referrals before I bid you all good night and adieu....
I'm sick and tired of maggie's Who isn't? >.<
pirate song shiver me timbers blow me down What an odd request.
spying on my neighbors daughter Okay, this is just plain sick and wrong.
keeping ellis "keeping ellis" -Tinsley -Island -Noval Hmmm... so someone was researching Keeping Ellis, eh? Go to the CD split release this Thursday! Yee ha....
All in all, the people coming to my site just keep getting weirder and weirder. I have that new Alicia Keys song stuck in my head. It's interesting. That, and that Ludacris video is really funny. Rappers are so entertaining. I was gonna write a report on the evolution of hip-hop, but I think I would get shot first. x_X Besides, I don't think that I could stay serious about it. *snicker snicker* But naw man, old skool hip-hop is da shit. And not like Vanilla Ice, yo. That dude is whack. Grandmaster Flash and Sugarhill Gang, fo sho..... Word up. *beez bling-blinging*

*shakes head* My, my.... ebonics are dangerous. I guess regular English will just have to do for now. =/

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 12:55 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

I should be sleeping. But I'm not. Where are you? // Tuesday, November 27, 2001

If I was an Autobot, I'd be:

Take the Transformers personality test at android5.com!

Seems like I have nothing to do nowadays but to take stupid online quizzes and post my results here. Well, there isn't anything really new except for the fact that ya'll should see Harry Potter cause Sean Biggerstaff is in it. What the fuck, you may be thinking.... har har... maybe he is better known as Oliver Wood. Anyway, I'm gonna go get me a guy with a Scottish accent. Oh yeah.... >.<

And yet again, I am procrastinating! Homework to do, but I guess I'll just try and shove it off til the morning. *shrugs*

I found out that there is this show I really want to go to this Saturday (my birthday!) ^_^ Too bad I just found out about it today though.... =( Cause I've always wanted to go to a stellar show on my birthday, and one just happens to be coming up, as I found out today.... Armando's Cafe, oh yeah. >.< Jessie always said it'd be great for A Burning Water to play a show on my birthday, and I guess they are. =/ I really wanna go but I've already planned a get-together at my house on Saturday. >.< Eeeee... then again, I haven't made the invitations yet....

Well, no matter. My party is still on. Because as much as I love that band, my friends are more dear to me and have always been there through thick and thin. It's not like I haven't seen them play before anyway. =P So hell..... let's celebrate!!! ^_^ 4 more days..... wahoo!

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 12:16 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

My eyes are droopy. I should go to bed. // Sunday, November 25, 2001

Lord.... I don't know what this means, but maybe you do. >.<

x_x Anyway, I had a somewhat stressful morning, but it turned into a decent evening. I saw Monsters, Inc. That is a very cute movie and I recommend that people should go see it. It seems as if Pixar can never go wrong. >.< Heh heh, anyway, it was entertaining and it got me out of cleaning my room.... eek...... it's a mess. I completely tore through it, and now random things are scattered everywhere. I promised myself I would do homework too... well... I think that's a lost cause. =/ Until then, I am going to sleep. I need the rest.

Less than a week til my birthday!! ^_^

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 01:11 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

I am typically bored, yet again. // Friday, November 23, 2001

I am 37% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.

I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!

Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!

Go me.... seriously, I thought I was more addicted than this... you Internet quizzes lie!! And I am only doing this because I have nothing better to do with my Friday evening... eep... >.< *sighs* What a glum day this is turning out to be. ......but my birthday is in a week! Yay! ^_^

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 05:55 p.m. +++Bash me now.+++

Must stop taking.... stupid little... Internet quizzes... ahhhh.... // Friday, November 23, 2001

I am 49% EMO.

Not Quite Emo
Hmm.. I suggest I stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.

Take the EMO Test at Fuali.com!

I am 49% Metal-Head.

Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts.

Take the Metal-Head Test at Fuali.com!

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 02:18 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

I left my heart in San Francisco... // Friday, November 23, 2001

Wells..... everybody seems to be commenting on their Thanksgivings today. Mine was good. Considering the fact that my family doesn't even truly celebrate it, it was a pretty good holiday and I had a fun time with my nutty family. We went to San Francisco today and saw Harry Potter. That's a tradition. Every year, we see a movie on turkey day. I dunno why, but we just do. So Harry Potter was pretty cool, very long, but cool nonetheless. And very loud, considering that we saw it in the Sony Metreon theaters. Show-offs. >.< Bleh.

Anyway, that movie took up most of the day. Oh yeah, and in the morning, we had previously gone out to dim sum. Dim sum..... yum...... ^_^ Can't get much more Asian than that on an American holiday. Har har. Right on..... =) In the evening, we went to Fisherman's Wharf and had....... seafood!! Wow, who would have thought!? >.< Mmmmm..... fetticune with shrimp...... *drools*.... Oh yes, I am a fat girl for the day. A fat but content girl. So in general, today was a pretty cool day. Nothing fascinating, but all the same. I never get tired of good old San Francisco. If it was a person, I would marry it in an instant. Maybe I would make love to it first. Or maybe I can just live there when I get older. =P

Speaking of SF, I am pretty irritated and nervous. I can't get SAVEStheDAY tickets from ticketweb.com. That's also in San Francisco, at the Bottom of the Hill. If I can't get tickets, I will be so fucking pissed since I already have rides planned out and everything. >D Grrrrr... so when I call the venue tomorrow, they better have three tickets!! I want them! I need them!! I can't even sleep well without knowing the fact that I need tickets safe and sound in my possession. x_x Argh... oh well, worse comes to worse, that's a load of em up for auction on ebay. It's just 14 bucks for shipping??? Dayum..... oh well, you do what you gotta do....

No way am I gonna miss this show. Too amazing even for words. Must see...... Thursday..... Ahhhhhh.... pardon me while I burst.... eek... *needs to stop listening to Incubus already*. Well ya'll.... adieu... and wish me luck on finding my tickets!!

And sign my fuckin' guestbook already!! >.< WHEEEEE!!

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 01:48 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

I hope Jenny is not angered. // Thursday, November 22, 2001

Urrrr! I am mad because I fell asleep on my keyboard, and when I woke up, I discovered that my friend Jenny had IMed me. However, I had gotten disconnected, so I couldn't IM her back. And by the time I got back online, she wasn't there anymore. =/ Wahhhh... I really wanted to talk to her and apologize for my stupid actions today, in a more sincere way. She is one of my best friends, and I totally let her down today. I am sort of ashamed at myself, especially since I think I hurt her really bad. All I did was not go to Bible study at her house, but I really should have, especially since I said I would. I could've been more responsible about it, but I wasn't. >.< Oh well.... I hope she is not mad at me or anything, cause I still consider her one of my great friends, and I really hopes she still appreciates me too. Kind of a dumb moment for a sappy breakdown, but Jenny, you are a rad person. ^_^ Hee hee.... anyway, happy turkey day ya'll. Off to get sleep fireal so I don't have to have keyboard imprints on my face. =)

Going to see Harry Potter tomorrow! Yay! I love Incubus! Yay! My birthday is in 9 days! Wahoo! Life is good to me.

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 12:02 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

Catching up... just a bit. // Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Oh wow.... many a thing has happened to me since Monday. Well actually, everything sorta happened to me on Monday. Let me just start off by saying that the Incubus concert was fan-fucking-tastic!! I was in the second row behind the railing, on the floor, and well, I had my hand on the railing, so I was pretty damn close, and it wasn't gonna get any better than that. Yes sirree, it was extremely stellar. And pardon me for that horrible Incubus pun..... heh heh.... I'm an idiot. >.< Anyway, the songs they played were all really good, and there was a good combination of songs from all three albums. My favorites of the night were "Mexico" (played acoustic), "I Miss You," and "A Certain Shade of Green." I was standing pretty much in front of Brandon, but more on the left side of the stage, so I was faced toward Mike too. ^_^ All in all, I was in a very good position, and I took lots of happy pictures. However, I think I then somewhat broke my camera because I had taken like, more than 50 pictures, but the film would never rewind itself! >.< So I was pretty bummed, thinking that my awesome roll of Incubus pics would be stuck inside my camera forever. However, today I was fiddling around with my camera, took a random picture of my friend, and the film rewound!! Yay!! Therefore, I was able to retrieve my captive film, and now I am looking forward to getting the roll developed this weekend. ^_^ I am ecstatic.

And besides the show, the people were cool too. There was a bee-yotch standing behind me in the beginning, but I bet she got trampled on. >D Otherwise than that, the people around me were all really friendly and the security that gave out the water bottles frequently were cool too. I also got recognized. ^_^ It made me feel special. These random strangers come up to me, and are all like, "Oh, I've seen you before, you go to a lot of local shows." And I'm just like, well yep, that's me... but lots of other people go to shows too. >.< But then we found weird little mutual connections, which was all sorta freaky. Cool nonetheless, but still sorta a strange situation.

And I wish I saw Weezer!!! I heard that their show was really good, and I really wish I could have gone, but I wouldn't have missed Incubus for anything in the world. Especially after that performance, I am incredibly glad I chose to see Incubus. I'm a long-time fan of theirs, I look up to them just as much as my friend Jessie idolizes Weezer. Well... I don't idolize Incubus, but I like them with a great respect and a dying passion. The only other band I would totally be in love with other than Incubus are the Deftones (and Glassjaw.... the list continues...) Hee hee....

Anyway, today I also got an e-mail that really made me day. ^_^ I am really tired now, and I want to get some rest before I have to head off for San Francisco tomorrow. Oh......good-bye! *yawns*

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 11:17 p.m. +++Bash me now.+++

Not like OW pains... but like "urrrr...." pains. =( // Sunday, November 18, 2001

Lord..... my tummy hurts and my right eye is sore. My parents are telling me that it's cause I sit at the computer all day, and that all the small print makes my eye strain. But only my right eye is in pain. The left one is just peachy. And God knows why my tummy is hurt..... >.< Eeee.... anyway I did a lot of homework today, for which I am quite proud. Well, okay, I only wrote one essay, and it only took about an hour, but hey, at least I did something. Meant to clean my room. Still not accomplished. Still got a shitload of bio homework. Not done either. Eek. Yep, I am still a slacker. ^_^

My tummy and my eye are letting up slowly now. I should probably sleep, cause sleep is always the best medication for everything. But I am not tired. And there is a bunch of junk on my bed. Maybe I can sleep on the floor tonight. But then the "dust" would get in my eye. Darn. x_x I think I should just poke the both of them out right now. But no.... I get to see Incubus tomorrow!! So maybe after the concert, I can poke my eyes out. Eeee... that would suck if I had to go tomorrow with my right eye being all spazzy on me and shit. It feels like it's twitching, even though I know it's not. Oh well.... eyes heal.... as well as stomachs....

Goodness, why am I always in some sort of pain? I am retarded. >.<

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 10:22 p.m. +++Bash me now.+++

"Standard procedure... I serve no use for you." // Sunday, November 18, 2001

My hands are so cold!! I cannot even type without feeling clammy all over. Brrrrr...... anyway, meant to clean my room once again. Didn't. Well, what do ya know. Not like this hasn't happened before... >.< *whistles*

There is this song that I am listening to right now that I absolutely adore to pieces. This is my current "let's listen to this song ten times a day" song. Glassjaw. "Midwestern Stylings." The piano remix, to be specific. It is so incredibly beautiful, and Daryl's voice makes everything turn to bliss. It is a soothing song, a dynamic lullaby.... ahhhh...... I want to see Glassjaw. Now. But I'll be a patient little child and wait for them to work on their second album, and for it to come out soon. >.< Eeeee... but in happy news, I got the okay from my parents to go see Thursday on the 15th of December. ^_^ Two weeks after my birthday. I am extremely stoked. And Incubus in two days! Errr... one and a half? Anyway, the time is drawing near!!!
"Let's get this marmaduke naked..."

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 12:34 a.m. +++Bash me now.+++

Nowhere fast. // Friday, November 16, 2001

People are full of bullshit. I wish I had different friends. Sometimes I wish I didn't have friends at all. But that wouldn't work because I am miserable. And misery loves company. >.<

Why is it that everytime you wish to be alone, a million people try to pester you, and everytime you need people, they're never there? The world is fucked. I want to go to college. I want to be in my own bubble. Get away from it all. Right now. More than ever, I want to move out and get myself out into the world. I feel like at this point, I'll have all the knowledge I'll ever need, and that I am ready to face the world and whatever bullshit it has and wants to throw at me. Cause I am so ready for anything. Sick of this same old high school bullshit. I can't take 2 1/2 more years. That's just too much insanity!! Where is this life taking me..... well, in the wise and clever song lyrics of Brandon Boyd:
"Will I ever get to where I am going?
If I do, will I know when I am there?
If the wind blew me in the right direction...
Would I even care?"
*sighs* Just three more days to Incubus. Pure bliss from this chaotic, pandemonium-stricken world that exists to perish. x_x

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 06:53 p.m. +++Bash me now.+++

Bullshit. // Friday, November 16, 2001

So..... I am stuck at home very bored now because I cannot go out and if I do, I can't go out til 9. Which is actually quite alright, but I have no one to go out with. =/ *sighs* I need more friends. *deeper sigh* No, I need a car. It really pisses me off when other people can't do shit. I mean, I know it's not their faults that they are not allowed to go out, but then it's like really.... c'mon... parents should all just loosen up a bit. That is why I am pretty thankful for mine. Well, my mother at least, since she is the only one that really understands me. I know that I usually can't go places at times, but that's mostly due to the fact that
a. I have to babysit my sister. (which is almost always) and
b. I usually have no ride. (which is always true)
Well, by golly, I think I am ready to head out into this world. Once I am sixteen, I will hopefully have a somewhat stable part time job, and a car. And with a car, I can do almost anything. No more worrying about how to get rides to San Francisco... cause I will be able to transport myself. =) And when I do have a car, I will not have to stay at home and be my lonesome self. Cause now, I typically go out walking and see where the road takes me. That's what I did in my two weeks in Los Angeles. Walked outside. Took a train. Got lost even more. Walked around. Got lost again. But I always return. I always come back. I have a bad sense of direction, but I know where to go.

And now my sister is home. And where do I want to go? Anywhere but here.

+++ Buki! P-chan* binged and purged at 06:35 p.m. +++Bash me now.+++