::take note on this one:: Wednesday, January 29, 2003
I've decided.
My future child's middle name will be Mordecai.
And you can't change my opinion on that.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 05:36 p.m.
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::jet lagging at my desk:: Tuesday, January 28, 2003
It's only 10 o'clock but it feels like it's 2 AM and that the night could go on forever... ahh yes. I understand why now. The lights are low, and I'm not on AIM. The escape from humanity makes the nights longer and the clocks tick slower... and it makes me want a good old cup of Joe more than ever...
maggie* said something irrelevant at 09:58 p.m.
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::we should all conform to a world of nonconformity:: Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Ooh.... I am constantly reminded of the things I detest most. Today I would like to pick on the punk image, and about using it to make "statements." So maybe the punk style is being weeded out by black hair dye and black framed glasses, but it still exists, and I'm not saying everyone, but a majority of the people who apply the punk image to themselves are quite sad. It's obviously nothing but a cry for attention. A good one or bad one, I don't know. But really, it's quite sad that the number of spikes, the number of chains, etc. determines how cool you are. For people who so downplay the role of image and stereotyping, so-called "punk" people do it to themselves all the time. Essentially, there is no escape. To be a non-conformist, you are still conforming to a group of non-conformity. Every little stereotype has its own little cute cult, whether it be the abercrombie clothing donners, the big boots-black eyeliner kids, or the big booty shakin' bling blingin homies and hoes of the ghetto. I just can't stand how people use image to determine rates of coolness... you have a tongue piercing, one point for you... two tattoos? two more points! Cause that makes one person so much better than the next... I wish we could all see past exterior shape and form and into the internal aura, which really makes someone sparkle and bloom.
Or for all those people who employ and rely on image so much... have their internal fires already been extinguished?
maggie* said something irrelevant at 09:21 p.m.
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::llama lovin':: Monday, January 27, 2003
This is too good... solid gold. If I have not previously explained why I like llamas so much, then here is the best explanation I can give, derived from a stimulating conversation with mi amigo Jesse:
Jesse: You like llamas?
Jesse: They ARENT cute tho!
Me: yes they are
Me: oh my
Jesse: Psh...
Me: llamas are the best animals ever
Jesse: y?
Me: screw you if you disagree
Jesse: Explian then...
Me: they spit! they're fuzzy! they look funny! they're cuuuuuute
Me: they're like highly evolved sheep
Me: does that not turn you on?
Jesse: They look like camels and a donkey crossed...
Me: and THAT is sexy!
I rest my case. Llamas own you all. Don't even get me started on alpacas.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 11:30 p.m.
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::and it's cold enough to break...:: Sunday, January 26, 2003
Maybe it's just me being a bit silly, but I had a fairly good weekend, depsite little mishaps here and there. Friday was a decent show, even though I got a little bruised... and during freaking Olympic Year, who are definitely not the "moshiest" of bands... alas, I am injured, and maybe I should stop complaining and stop exerting emoness, but really... if there was a big black and red bruise on your shin, I think you'd be bitching too. It's an odd color... it's sort of progressed to looking like a black jelly filled donut... I don't know... I don't get injured often, so having even the smallest new scar is all too amusing to me.
Saturday was easy breezy chilling time, and I finally got to see the new Spike Lee joint.. yay... I also went to a co-ed sleepover... heh heh... co-ed and sleepover just sound so silly in the same sentence now... might as well rename it to a "massive clothed orgy"... haha, it was still really fun though. I can't say I've been on many "midnight romps" lately, but I will mention that my feet have been molested a great number of times during the past 24 hours, and that my ass is totally sore... if you're wondering why, watch the movie "Secretary" to get an idea.... wait wait... no sado-masochism going on.... just a lot of ass-slapping and ghetto ass booty loving, that's all... ^_^
Now, I am obviously really tired, but I took a much needed walk to some record stores this afternoon to calm my nerves. So good... I always come so close to forgetting how nice it is to watch cars pass, obsolete in your own little atmosphere of sound produced from God's greatest invention next to sliced bread and Spongebob, headphones. It's just like the world revolves around whatever you're listening to, and your soundtrack for your stroll is the soundtrack to life. It's so soothing that it's making me drift off into a nice slumber right about now..... (= new A Static Lullaby on Tuesday... this week is gonna be a good one. ^_^
maggie* said something irrelevant at 05:45 p.m.
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::i just want your eyes fixated on me:: Friday, January 24, 2003
Pretty fun.... today was so-so, but at least all my finals are done and out of the way, and now I have tomorrow to chill and kick it with the crew... thankfully, I got a B+ on my trig final, so I can rest at ease, knowing that my class grade stayed at an A... yay... I went out to lunch afterwards, which was quite chaotic, but cool nonetheless. Then I chilled at Beth's and watched The Royal Tenenbaums, which still cracks me up every time I see it. I don't know, I figure someone either likes it or doesn't like it... it's my kind of humor, so of course, I find it hilarious. Anyway, I took a nice walk outside in the overcast skies, and thought that I would have an extremely boring evening at home while others were oot and aboot, partying and having a good time. But surprisingly, no... Sam came over and we caught up on stuff and brought back nostalgic memories of the Deftones (who I swear to God have disappeared off the face of this planet)... As soon as she left, I also got a surprise visit from some other friends who were kind enough to bring me coffee. ^_^ We played lots of cards, where I was unfortunate enough not to win any games =/, but it still made me feel pretty good to have people just randomly visit. It really made my evening much better, since I couldn't go out, and everyone knows I always enjoy company. Even if someone came to my door at like 3 AM, I would still find time to kick it... well, I suppose it does depend on what type of person... heh.... but for the most part, I am down with most types of company. ...this weekend is gonna be really fun... it's the reward I get for working so damn hard this week. (=
maggie* said something irrelevant at 12:02 a.m.
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::thank goodness history was so easy:: Wednesday, January 22, 2003
I'm so relieved.... tomorrow is Thursday, and technically, the end of the week for me. Only two more finals to take, which should be fairly easy breezy ones, so I'm pretty stoked. I actually should be studying for trig right now, but I figure that I'll do just fine. I have faith and confidence in myself... I think I did a decent job this semester, even though I didn't get a perfect report card like usual. 5 A's and a B still isn't bad though... and it rounds out to an awesome 4.17 anyway, with the AP classes and all... I'll be so glad this weekend to not have any homework to work on, although I do have to read like all of Huckleberry Finn since I am fairly behind. It's all good though... I've just been kicking back and having lots of fun with people, maybe a little too much fun, but any fun is good fun, right? Heh...
In other news, I think my poor little sister just got an ear infection, which makes me really upset. She is trying to do her schoolwork and crying at the same time. I really want to do something, but I am not sure exactly how to treat ear infections... I've never had one myself, but I've heard that they are quite a pain in the ass... anyway, I am going to console her and try to get some work done.... three finals down, two more to go.... yes....!!
maggie* said something irrelevant at 07:41 p.m.
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::through a window:: Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Oh wow, I cannot go to bed. I am sort of tired, but I know I will not be able to sleep, since I'm fairly haunted by maddening thoughts of those things you can't have. Not even things you may really want, but just something that is so tangible... yet quite intangible, all the same. It's disturbing me to the point where I can't even have a decent rest.. I mean, in reality, it's nothing, but it still does mean something... nothing personal, nothing intimate, but something quite passionately wonderful and surreal. So funny, coming from me... I used to be so paranoid of people, but now, I really can't get enough of them... and it gets to the point where I think it would be amazingly lovely to touch someone and to have someone else feel you the same way. Damn, I have to stop drinking so much coffee and lay the sigur ros aside for a little bit... I feel so much like a romantic, even though I very well know that I am perfectly not. However, it is quite nice to pretend once in a while... nice to feign a love, even though you know everything is just a mere mirage...
maggie* said something irrelevant at 12:20 a.m.
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::camaraderie:: Monday, January 20, 2003
I had a fantastic day today, filled with more wonder and fun than ever imaginable. Okay, so maybe I was supposed to utilize today for studying, but hey, more cubing doesn't hurt at all right? So I got dirtier, but what the hey... cubing is worth every bit of caked mud on my pants, which I shall impressively wear to school tomorrow morning. Today was truly great... my friends are extraordinarily some of the funnest people ever, and it is just so great that we are all so neurotic in a number of fascinating ways... I wonder how close other people are to their friends and companions, since my friends and I are all amazingly close. I mean, we're so silly, we even started a group blog. I really don't want to lose these people when I go to college... I don't think you can find people anywhere else quite like them. I mean, it seems that everyone else is so focused on being "cool", or by finding "cool" ways to amuse themselves, but fuck... we spent like 6 hours at the park today, just goofing off, relishing in the beauty of the sunset, and just being together, a cohesive whole. I don't think there is anything more amazing than that.. not even nice tummy rubs, no matter how lovely those may be... no, I got high just from being around people, people who make you feel like you belong and are wanted... and it's so nice to belong. Don't even disagree.
I also learned how to properly use a soft-serve machine today.. apparently, I do not put enough pelvic thrust into it... who ever knew that nonfat frozen yogurt could be so complicated...
maggie* said something irrelevant at 11:46 p.m.
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::feel the pulse of warmth and the rhythm of desire:: Monday, January 20, 2003
It's nights like these I feel lonely, but incredibly wholesome and wonderful... the right touch would just be someone to share it with. I wish I could be tired, so I could at least sleep, and dream of good things.. but no, I am wide awake, bored out of my mind... if any night, then tonight is the night to do something dangerous. But what danger can I find in quaint little Campbell? ...alas, all I can do is just sit here and think to myself how lovely the city must look from atop the hill at Almaden Park, and how frighteningly cold it is outside, but how good it is to find warmth in the places most unimaginable to my fathoming. It's times like these I crave those certain once in a lifetime moments that make my heart fill with nostalgia and yearning, with the taste of cool air and the beauty of the night sky dripping its wetness from my tongue.
Or maybe I feel this way just from listening to sigur ros... which has to be the single, most beautiful music that I have ever laid ears on. I would think that it would make me sleepy, but magically, it is not... however, it is making me desire something. What I want to do more than anything in the world right now is to lie on a wet field, being engulfed by the open night sky, while sigur ros provides the atmospheric soundtrack... wow, that would make anyone feel like a deity. Like a fucking scene from a motion picture.
It's 3 AM. What am I doing here? Wishing I was you.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 02:42 a.m.
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::feeling like i reached the end of infinity:: Saturday, January 18, 2003
I must say... if anything, then yesterday was one of those days where I certainly felt infinite. Everything about yesterday was pure greatness, and even though it wasn't very "productive" (as Jason would put it), it was still so fucking fantastic. It's sort of funny... I'm writing about this day after I've read the opinions about it from two others, well here goes my Maggie twist on things:
Okay, school somewhat sucked. We don't have enough time for all our finals on one day, so we had to do the freakin' essay portions yesterday... history was okay, but good God, the test in Bio was absolute hell... prions, operons, and eukaryotic gene expression, oh my! ...that test made my head hurt severely... but after lunch and such, things got a bit better. English was.... well, English as usual, which isn't saying much. Good coffee vibes after school, where I clumsily ordered a caramel macchiato, instead of an ICED one.... thus burning my tongue in the process. Then, home to kick it with the family, who I appreciate more and more everyday.
As the day's events start to build up, I know that everyone will agree with me that nothing topped the "cubing." Shit, that was so incredible... (For all ye rendered clueless, cubing is essentially sliding down a hill on a block of ice.) It may have made many an ass sore (at least it did to mine; cold as well), it was still lots of fun. We did it at Almaden Park, which was also just an awesome location, overlooking the Almaden area, in the darkness and vastness of the sky, with the little homes below lit in comfort. So inviting... and so breathtaking. Mark that one. Definite make-out point.
Multiple car woes yesterday as well. I hope wherever Ryan went, that he is okay and well.... preferably not giving Kendra an STD. =) Then some chillin' at the park (a different one), just cruising on swings, and grooving to Mandy's awesome bass... basically holdin' on to what's golden.... ^_^ ...also funny how everyone is so indecisive in making decisions... everyone spends more time thinking about what to do than actually doing it... we're quite a bunch... I love them all the same though.
So after the park put me quite out of breath, we went over to Buca's for some chocolate cake and spumoni! Goodness, it was fulfilling... physically and mentally. Nothing tops a chocolate cake immersed in... chocolate. I got spooned by Billy, and we discovered that a certain English teacher really DOES make her habitat comfortably close to Spain... or at least a clock that looks like it. Then I came home and watched some of Minority Report with Tom Cur-ooz, which is by far, one of the most ghetto and weird movies ever. So of course, I was pooped, but today is another grand day... maybe it shall be more thrilling than the last. =D
maggie* said something irrelevant at 10:31 a.m.
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::peanuts:: Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Some people are ignorant and utterly selfish. They are disrespectful, forgetful, and could give a shit about how they treat others... too busy with personal fulfillments to remember that a friend is even there, in need of some advice or companionship. Some people are just plain assholes, simply using people when they need them for their own advantages. Fuck it, I'm not giving in... every day, people are getting more and more rude, inconsiderate, and the saddest thing of all... more distant. Is it a bad thing to say that I am disappointed with the behaviors of a certain few...? I mean, I was just telling Sam today how everything has been so great lately, but people are changing, which is fine, but it seems that they are changing for the worse. It's so cool to be a rebel... it's so cool to be with the "in" crowd... it's all complete bullshit. I don't know, maybe I'm the one who's being an asshole, with my stuck-up, know-it-all, perfectionist ways... but what can I say? I'm society's whore, and I've been paid to kiss ass for the rest of my life... this is fine, seeing as I am smart enough to work the system to get what I want.... shit, some of Jason's egotisms are rubbing off on me... I'm talking about myself in a condescending manner again... =/
I think I might be mainly upset because I feel like I haven't been a significant part of anyone's life lately. Sometimes, it feels really good to be a part of something. I mean, I am a part of a group, but it would be much nicer to know that I have made an impact in the life of another individual... that is the highest value to me - my ultimate goal is to inspire and influence... we'll see if it works... but hey, someone told me today that my writing made him feel good... that's a start, right?
maggie* said something irrelevant at 11:14 p.m.
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::listening to sigur ros makes you feel quite like this:: Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Everyone's journal is like blargen this, blargen that, everyone wants a piece of love. Everyone is looking for a guy to hook up with, a girl to fuck, some skin to taste. How nice would it be to just hold someone, anyone, without anyone even wondering how or why... if you could take the most intangible people ever, and just mush them all into a mad dogpile of hugs and affection.... I don't know what's up with me lately. I'm very into loving, but not how most other people are. Nothing physical, just caring for people, knowing that they are staying alive, breathing air that exudes bliss and well-being. Knowing that people are okay, and knowing that my opinion is fairly significant in the grand scheme of things... well, goodness, that's the best feeling in the world.
I change my mind. I don't need to figure people out. They can do that for themselves... I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride...
maggie* said something irrelevant at 05:41 p.m.
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::stay just the way that you are:: Monday, January 13, 2003
I wore a dress today. It made me feel quite like a girl. How good it felt to come home, to put on pants, and to sit like a man again. (= Many of my good friends these days have been leading lives in quiet desperation, seeking, searching, finding, getting in and out of love. It's all quite a very large tragicomedy... I just wish I knew what my role was. I wrote two very long letters this week... one to a boy, one to a girl. I can only hope that they will find the right smiles after reading them. If anyone wants a letter, I'll definitely do it. There's nothing like writing to keep someone company through the hard times. I'm selling back my black market dictionary... I hope everyone's days and nights continue to age for the better.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 05:50 p.m.
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::dear recently distressed:: Sunday, January 12, 2003
Ahh... today was a bit derranged, but also rather lovely. I have two friends close to suicide, one head over heels in twitterpation, one sunk just a bit in frustration, two who sought my advice and guidance, and a final one who actually boosted my ego, rather than crushing it. I suppose today was a pretty good day to be talking to people. I just let go and sang to myself in my room, rocking out at the desktop, having a party in my chair. And it was all quite wonderful. I don't know if I also mentioned the fact that I got to drive around in circles yesterday in an empty parking lot. Good times.
This weekend has been full of surprises, some of them good, some of them not for the better. But I wouldn't change a thing. I just played DDR for an hour on standard. I'm pooped. I'm going to bed, so I can wake up early to do homework in the morning. This post was completely useless, but still... you're reading right? Wishing you a lovely birth and death and everything in between, good night.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 11:42 p.m.
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::when bad films are compared with good ones:: Sunday, January 12, 2003
My dad just said that the movie Showgirls had more of a story than Chicago. I think I want to cry.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 01:20 a.m.
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::keyboarding woes:: Sunday, January 12, 2003
Man... I came on at like 11:30, ready to write this super-duper fantastic entry, all styled-like, all bitchy about how people make me angry, all sweet-like about how people make me so happy, but no.... my damn damn keyboard got to me first. It starts spazzing on me, and everytime I type t, dt pops up. Everytime I type y, fy pops up as well. Everytime I type s, the Edit: Find window pops up too. Damn glitches. I could not type a single sentence logically. An example of the poorest spelling I've ever used:
Me: HEL}P!!!
Jason: ya
Me: compudter is possessedt
Jason: ??
Me: making dtfypos
Me: dton'dt know whfy
Jason: i can see that
As well as...
Me: i hadt idt on
Me: i came back
Me: andt idt was l]ike dthis
Me: idt was ok in dthe morning
Me: ooh morning
Me: i can dtfype dthadt wordt okafy
Jason: um...ya
So yes, Jason was quite compassionate about my keyboard dilemma as you can see.... but I guess something was wrong with the circuits, so it just completely died. I'm now typing on an older keyboard that is very loud... it goes clack clack clack.... this can only mean one thing: Fry's, first thing in the morning tomorrow. New cordless keyboard, here I come. With happy clacking noises in my head, I bid you all adieu. That awesome journal entry will come at a later date.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 12:52 a.m.
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::verbal assault:: Friday, January 10, 2003
So I'm just sitting here, zoning out to some good tunes, having just finished my stupid research paper (finally), and it occurred to me (well, not just, I've been thinking about this for a while), but it occurred to me that I can't write the way I would like to write. This probably sounds really confusing, but for the longest time, I have been fascinated with writing and literature and poetry, and I think it is truly one of God's great gifts to man, the gift of language and song and words. And for the longest time, I have always wanted to write everything in a metaphor, so that no one could understand what my words really meant except for myself... but that they'd resemble beauty and grace and style and simplicity to everyone else.. but alas, I don't think I can. I can't jumble random words together and have they make sense and sound exquisitely perfect at the same time. And it kills me. I can't stand how I write exactly how I feel, and am not able to mask my feelings, even if I really want to. I can't lie. Everything just comes out as it is, and for once, it would be so great if I could just ramble on in the most perfect 20 line run-on sentence.
I think it's mainly because in real life, I don't talk, and then I am given words, and it's like a whole different world has opened itself up to me... and it feels so right to put some things in writing that you could never say in oral speech. And then again, maybe it's good hearing myself talk on paper cause then I can catch the stupid things I say and try to eliminate those remarks more easily so I don't sound like a complete moron when I actually talk. I think life would be a lot easier for me if I was mute. It's not that I don't like talking, it's just that I seem to get myself across more through writing than actually talking... and everyone knows how lovely it feels to be understood. I don't know... I guess I'm just in one of those random philosophical self-analyzation modes right about now, mostly because I don't want to go to sleep yet... but it is very consoling to know that at least mmm... 2 or 3 people will read this and find hilarity or amusement at my bewilderings. But as much as I think writing is healthy for me, it's keeping me from my sleep, which is a predicament quite the contrary of health... I should go to bed so I don't spoil my eyes. With a dry heart and heavy lids, good night.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 01:24 a.m.
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::self-encouragement:: Thursday, January 9, 2003
Am I emoooo cause I have a blog.... blogga blogga blogga... heh heh.... anyway, I have 3 pages of my stupid research paper written. It only took me like what? 3 hours with multiple breaks? Heh. Oh well... today was a fairly odd day. I was in an unusally militant mood, and I mean that in a positive manner. >.< Stupid Billy... I don't know... I have lots of thoughts, but many of them are fragmented, since I used too much brain power to try and form good sentences for my stupid paper which is close to crap anyway. But hey... tomorrow's Friday! And tomorrow will be a day filled with wonder and beauty... partly because I won't have to do an excess of homework, and also because I'll be going to my first show in a.... well, actually, less than a month. (= Hee hee... my soul is craving good music and good times. Peace out all.
"but aren't you getting sick of tracing
should i even try to care..."
maggie* said something irrelevant at 09:15 p.m.
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::mellow yellow:: Wednesday, January 8, 2003
I'm in an unusually mellow mood right now, and it feels awfully nice. I just woke up from a lovely 2 hour nap, even though I probably didn't really need it. Now I'm just chilling, grooving to some godspeed! you black emperor, and basically just procrastinating. I have a 5-7 page paper to write on film careers, and as much as I love the world of film, that doesn't necessarily mean that I will delight in writing about it. I suppose I am getting really sidetracked now... people have started IMing me... no way am I ever getting to work now. (= Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. Then again, I do believe that is what I had said yesterday. Ahh... I'm too relaxed to get busy. If only all Wednesdays were like this. ^_^
maggie* said something irrelevant at 06:40 p.m.
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::mini-soap of the day:: Tuesday, January 7, 2003
Surprising how much fun one can have making a poster about little ants... just for laughs, here are the progressions of my away messages throughout the evening:
having mad hot sex with carlie!
making love with carlie and pot stickers!
carlie is bleeding profusely!! help! help!! oh god! the blood on the scissors! someone call 911!
carlie's gone.... must go to wash the blood off my hands.... and my arms.... my feet... fuck it, i'll just take a shower.
now that the blood is washed off my hands, i must remove the rest of the evidence.
Okay, well I hope no one really took all of the above too personally, and got that all of it was just one big fat joke, derived mainly from having sex with scissors. I don't know how that got around, but it did. For clarification purposes, no one was hurt, we were just writing stories about ants and cutting pictures apart. Nothing as thrilling as making love with Asian food and cutting utensils... haha... ahh, what a day. Well, there goes one big project out of the way. I'm stoked. Ready for more work! Bring the motherfuckers on! ...oh no, I recant that ....stupid 5 page report I have to write within the next two days... *sigh* Off to sleep I go. I'll definitely be needing it!
maggie* said something irrelevant at 11:16 p.m.
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::disappointed:: Tuesday, January 7, 2003
Gah! In my quest to find the perfect shoes, I have most miserably failed. )= My pimp shoes are no more... the site is out of stock, and everywhere else, they are like more than $90, and although they may be very cool, they are definitely not worth that much. Alas, today is a sad day. Farewell, cool shoes... until that day...
maggie* said something irrelevant at 02:52 p.m.
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::OH NO!:: Monday, January 6, 2003
Good God... any OTHER group other than freaking BRIGHT EYES!! Ahhh! Why not the Faint? Or Cursive? =/
::phone calls and online talk:: Monday, January 6, 2003
Argh.... and my computer fucks up on me yet again.... I had a pretty nice ramble going on, but now I suppose that this one will be much shorter... maybe? We'll see.
Anyway, I think I am lost. I think I'm in the wrong time and place. I should've been born like two or three years earlier. I just don't feel like I'm in the right shoes. I mean, I love all my friends and acquaintances so dearly, but sometimes it just kills me. Sometimes I am just dying, wanting, needing a change. Nothing is wrong... it just gets to a point where things become sort of dull. Predictable. Yet again, I find myself needing college more than ever. To be able to drive, room freely, be my own person of my own accord. How am I even supposed to do that now, if my parents choose to be such jackasses anyway? Limiting my independence to a point where I can hardly breathe. I need to age about three years, and now. I know being older wouldn't necessarily solve all of my petty problems, and would most likely create more, but at least I wouldn't be as bored as I am now. My fascination with the "older" crowd is increasing.... damn me for being the young one. x_x
maggie* said something irrelevant at 10:54 p.m.
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::spiel on life's unfairness:: Monday, January 6, 2003
Okay, I wrote this not more than 20 minutes ago, but I knew that if I had directly written it on the computer, my dad would've gotten mad again and bitched me out for wasting so much time online.... anyway, here goes, direct from the personal journal:
Current Dilemmas of Today
I suppose there are two kinds of people in life - movers and sitters. Maybe it is my misfortune to be so keen with moving. Going places. Seeing things. Discovering. Learning. For freakin' sake, just wanting to get out. Therefore, it is not detestable, but utterly incomprehensible why I would have such tight restrictions on my going outings. My dad says "No going out on school nights except for homework purposes." Now, the only night I can go out freely is on Fridays. This is absolutely ridiculous and blasphemous. My parents are restricting me, their daughter, from a world full of much more wonder than the conformity of my four-walled room. There is no good in me staying home consistently. It doesn't benefit me in any positive way, and I am missing more experiences, rather than gaining them. I think the main issue here is selfishness - my parents are angry that they have to work all day, with little time to rest. Their logic is, if they can't rest and enjoy themselves, then I am obviously not allowed to enjoy myself. Since when should there be such harsh restrictions on one's own self-amusement? Maybe I am taking them for granted. They make the money, pay the bills, keep the house clean, etc. However, it's not like I don't do anything. I stay home 5 nights a week to take care of my little sister, and when I go out for two hours one afternoon, it's like the biggest freakin' scandal my parents have ever heard of. Truth be told, I'm not even a bad kid. I stay true to my curfew, don't drink, smoke, do drugs, don't hang out with the "wrong" crowd, get good grades, I mean really. Their restrictions are the things that make me want to rebel, and turn me into a worse kid than I already am. The hypocrisy of this situation is overwhelming, and I suppose I'm not mad - just overtly frustrated.
Sorry that was so long, but the steam is cooling off. Slowly.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 05:00 p.m.
::e-mail::::aim::::gbookie::
::pimp shoes:: Monday, January 6, 2003
I am so excited... I just ordered the most freaking pimp shoes ever.... check them out here... yay, I am so thrilled... the girlish necessities of shopping... heh. You can never go wrong.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 12:07 a.m.
::e-mail::::aim::::gbookie::
::finit!:: Sunday, January 5, 2003
Finally... after all of my hard work and labor, a new layout is finally complete. Still some little things here and there to finish, but I think it looks okay. Unfortunately, my computer is completely crapping out at this moment, so I shall finish this entry a bit later.
Okay, now I have returned and am completely satisfied. Frickin' Boomspeed finally decided to work, taking like 3 hours to send my password to my account, since I had to make a new one. I hate making new accounts. I always lose track of them, but the stupid services always shut down on me. Bah humbug. Anyway, tomorrow is the start of school, which I am not exactly dreading, but not necessarily looking forward to either. I must say though, that I have organized myself a great deal during this winter break, and am feeling much more cleaner and more efficient. Now that I am so organized, perhaps I will have more time to write. (= Life has been pretty lovely to me lately. My ups and downs haven't been extremely dramatic, and when I get sad or lonely, I just relish in the good thoughts of past fun times I've had. Life is good... so my advice? Don't fucking miss out on it.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 08:48 p.m.
::e-mail::::aim::::gbookie::
::everything you ever didn't need to know about me.:: Sunday, January 5, 2003
As usual, boredom ensues... so here I will continue this bloggarific trend by boring you with insignificant details of my oh-so-enthralling life.
// series one - as usual
-- Name: Maggie!
-- Birthdate: Dec. 1, 1986
-- Current Location: Campbell, CA
-- Eye Color: "pools of browniness"
-- Hair Color: black dyed sort of brownish, but more or less, black.
-- Righty or Lefty: Don't I wish I was ambidextrous! Right.
-- Zodiac Sign: Sagittaurus... the archer.
-- Innie or Outtie: innie... outies are sort of funny looking.
// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: my parents? who are asian... =D
-- The shoes you wore today: black flip flops... normally chucks though.
-- Your hair: shoulder length, wavy-ish, never looks the way I want it to.
-- Your eyes: almond shaped, short eyelashes.
-- Your weakness: no way am I going to openly admit my special G spot! mu hu! ...my other weakness is love...
-- Your fears: ultimately, dying alone, and immense physical pain. I dread wounds.
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: beating Jason on the SAT would be nice... but for now, passing my driving test would be lovely. If we're talking future, then a life of happiness would be my biggest goal I would love to accomplish.
// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: haha or heh heh... har har sort of died out...
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Today is going to be a lovely day. And if it isn't, then by God, I'll forcefully make it.
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: hair or eyes... generally, I always tend to look at shoes though, for some odd reason.
-- Your best physical feature: you tell me... small hands? small feet?
-- Your bedtime: never
-- Your greatest accomplishment: Unfortunately, it's not pissing on a fly like Ryan, but being able to remain as content as I am now and not be able to bicker about a single thing other than maybe homework, is pretty damn nice.
-- Your most missed memory: Days at elementary school... both six years ago and three days ago...
// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: mountain dew or bottled root beer
-- McDonald's or Burger King: I guess McD's, although fast food isn't generally tops on my list.
-- Single or group dates: single
-- Adidas or nike: all day i dream about se... i mean adidas. yes.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea, by far.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccinos...
-- Boxers or briefs: for me? boxers of course! (=
// series five - do you
-- Smoke: No, although at one point, I think I really needed to.
-- Cuss: All the time, although I do it much less these days.
-- Sing well: I think I do! In the shower, at least...
-- Take a shower everyday: of course... I love getting so fresh and so clean clean...
-- Have a crush(es): GOOD GOD YES... but if you know me, these are people who would never in a million years, work out.... just fanciful likings and adorations...
-- Who are they: Let's just say that most of their names end with n or m.... (=
-- Do you think you've been in love: not yet, but maybe soon...
-- Want to go to college: RIGHT NOW. ASAP.
-- Like high school: Take out 95% of the people who go to my school, and maybe I will like it then.
-- Want to get married: eventually
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: of course...
-- Think you're attractive: not ugly... but not a killer... somewhere righteously in between...
-- Think you're a health freak: bring on the chocolate...
-- Get along with your parents: for the most part, peaceably yes
-- Play an instrument: my nose
// series six
-- in the past 3 months, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: maybe a little...
-- Smoke(d): not that I can recall
-- Done a drug: drugs are for losers
-- Made out: depends on definitions of "making out"... ^_*
-- Go on a date: nah
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: and give myself immense stomach aches? I think not.
-- Eaten sushi: ALL THE FRICKIN' TIME
-- Been on stage: yes, and my experience was not a good one.
-- Been dumped: Never had that pleasure.
-- Gone skating: oui oui
-- Made homemade cookies: I tried to make cookies... they didn't look like cookies... but hey! I made them.
-- Been in love: not deeply enough with a person... but deeply with so many of the other lovely things in life.
-- Gone skinny dipping: not that kinky
-- Dyed your hair: yes... three times, I believe.
-- Stolen anything: I am no Winona Ryder.
// series seven - have you ever
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: not to my recalling
-- Been caught "doing something": not yet... and hopefully, not anytime soon.
-- Been called a tease: maybe? wait yes... three days ago...
-- Gotten beaten up: no, and I don't *think* I need it.
-- Shoplifted: Like I said previously, I am no Winona Ryder.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: nah... maybe in middle school. Does that count? "My Turkish prison is knowing I fit in..." - gj
// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: My sister read my palm and tells me 25 or 26... sounds reasonable enough.
-- Numbers and names of children: two max, Audrey and mmm... all I know is that Rocket has to be the middle name.
-- Descibe your dream wedding: a couple of close friends and family, nothing too big, in a nice location... a castle would be pretty awesome.
-- How do you want to die: like Rasputin! He NEVER died...
-- Where you want to go to college: If I had mucho dinero, NYU, but realistically, UC Berkeley is my ideal college.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: film director/producer or magazine editor... somewhere in the communications spectrum.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Japan or France or Italy
// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? brown or blue
-- Best hair color? brown or blond... cripes, I'm not that picky...
-- Short or long hair?: short
-- Best height: tall, but not too tall...
-- Best weight: With the scale in my pocket, I'm gonna have to say that any weight is fine, as long as someone isn't like 1000 tons or anything...
-- Best articles of clothing: good shoes, pants, boxers, hooded sweatshirts get me too.
-- Best first date location: beach
-- Best first kiss location: anywhere, as long as it is at night.
// series ten - number of
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: none to my knowledge
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: a good 5 or so
-- Number of CDs that I own: close to 100 or so
-- Number of piercings: two closed up... just ears though. I'm a wimp when it comes to piercings.
-- Number of tattoos: zero
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? none that I know of, but my picture was in one randomly... well, okay my back, but that counts right?
-- Number of scars on my body: surprisingly, none.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: not a single thing. Wait... maybe filling this thing out, cause it took a hell of a long time. Good night all.
maggie* said something irrelevant at 01:40 a.m.
::e-mail::::aim::::gbookie::
::a little bit about me::
People know me as Maggie, the little Asian girl. I am now 16 years of age, and sadly, still a junior in high school.
I live in California, and even though it's not quite that sunny, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I have high ambitions and hopes, but for now, I'll just stick with the identity of the nerd I am.
::pastimes and preoccupations::
As of late, my main fascination has been the art of film and cinema.
Of course, music still also plays a huge role in my life, and I have a really bad addiction of buying
new music or going to rad shows. Writing is also a major influence. It keeps me sane.
I don't like to be bored, so if I am not online wasting time, then I am usually oot and aboot.
Sushi is my best friend.
::current intrigues:: ::watch:: 25th hour - spike lee, catch me if you can - steven spielberg ::listen:: "a rush of blood to the head" - coldplay, "the end of an era" - .hopesfall. ::read:: a confederacy of dunces - john kennedy toole, the adventures of huckleberry finn - mark twain, harry potter and the goblet of fire - j.k. rowling
