It's the final countdown! Nah nah nah nah...nah nah nah nah nah!
Wednesday, May 1, 2002
06:51 p.m.
So..I've got this week and Monday-Wednesday till I'm out for Summer. I've been surprisingly able to keep up with all my work and do well in my classes while juggling a semblance of a life this semester. I'm not as stressed and sleeping at all sorts of hours like last year, I'm just chilling and really bored actually. I've only got a 5 page paper due on Monday, a test that day, another test Tuesday and the last two tests on Wednesday. I guess the only thing I'm worried about is how I did on my paper in English class, because I wasn't able to have much help in revising my paper from my instructor. I was able to make an A on the paper before that while making D's on my first two papers. So I'm really borderline or something, I hear my teacher's pretty nice though. I've also made all A's for my daily grades, so that should account for something I guess. Who knows, anyway. I'm finally selling my stupid dragon ball game, I'm going to A-kon in 3-4 weeks then going to Cali in July if things stick to plan. I'm pretty stable mentally, with all that goes on with all of my friends I'm able to keep relatively happy with myself and the world. I'm sure it's normal to miss my friends, but I'm also not completely lost without them either. It's really selfish to try to hog your friends from other people and not let them move on with your life, sort of applies to all relationships I guess. Anyway, I've found happiness in just taking things as they come as well as thinking ahead every once in a while. Man, I want a girl. Hah.

Observations.
Tuesday, April 16, 2002
06:56 p.m.
I had a dream last night, it was the darndest thing. I was out on the sidewalk with my elementary school friends. Over the years, we grew up and well..We're all split up now. Two of my friends are in the military, one is a dropout and living somewhere, the last one is somewhere in Missouri. Last I heard he was living with his girlfriend and he's also on drugs now. My first friend who used to live across the street from me? Also a drug addict and possibly homosexual. Anyway, the dream ends when we start walking. I wake up you know, pretty depressed and such. I haven't really talked to any of them in forever. More friends are moving on with their lives. After the dream, I sort of realized that I'm just an outsider. I've always been the one trying my hardest to be friends with someone, I've always had to initiate everything or do something to keep the friendship going. Only on rare occasions have I been randomly invited. It's the sad truth, I suppose. I treasure the friends I do have, but when they must leave. It just gives me more work to do. Kind of thinking about it, I'm sort of like a parasite. I exist with people for a while and it gets all nice and peachy. Once they're all done with, I go on my way until I decide to attach to someone else. I guess it sort of explains why I long for a girl who could come up to me. I'm always doing this for someone, then happen upon a party or something to do on a random Friday night. I guess I have a long way to go before I develop a backbone and make myself independent. Sometimes I'm just stepped over, but that seems to be the truth of the matter. Maybe it's the negativity brewing in me, but I haven't seen more than 3-4 acts of people inviting me to do anything. I should just probably just take a hint and leave? Am I really that unapproachable? Annoying? I guess so. Anyway, this isn't directed to anyone specifically. I just find it pretty remarkable that I'm like this, mostly a friend of convenience. I wish I knew I actually knew what was going, but I'm not even sure who to blame. Should I be glad or angry that I'm like this? It could all be my fault, but who knows. Once I leave this place, I wonder how attached people really are to me. Anyway, I doubt anyone misses/missed me. Pretty egotistic, but I think everybody wants to at least be thought about or cared about.

F YOU: YEAR ONE
Saturday, April 13, 2002
08:53 p.m.

I've been sort of looking ahead to what I want to do in the future. It's always been a clear future, so I thought. After a few talks recently, I think that it's not so clear as I thought it was. I've always wanted to move out after school and sort of just mess with different jobs until I finally wanted to settle down. It's kind of hard to find a stable job if I want to move all the time, right? I was suggested to take vacations at places I might want to live, but I'm not really sure about that. For all I know, I could be visiting the cities/area on a good week or a really bad week. That could affect my judgement, but I guess there's always room for more vacations. It's just that urge of adventure that I want to satisfy. The issue of friendship also came up. Because it's a lonely place out there, and it's not really enjoyable without your friends. It's not that I don't enjoy being around my friends, but maybe it's a journey of self discovery I want? I'm still searching for a deeper reason to my life, sometimes it feels like my current reasons aren't valid enough. I don't feel like looking toward religion to fill that space. I've got dreams, some romantic, some fun. I've spent my life living for the moment and maybe that works, maybe I'm just setting myself up to fall down. Who knows. I've still got time to think about this stuff, but I think I'll hold off on it for a while longer. As for this blog, I've talked to some people about how this thing serves as a ego tool. I think I agree too, I just don't care. These things serve a purpose and whether or not you want to read these things is something left up to you. This is all for me and the intended few who actually give a damn about my life. This is for those times when I'm just not able to put my thoughts into words or when I forget funny stories that I want to tell to my friends. Ugh..Drama.

Break it down.
Monday, April 8, 2002
06:37 p.m.
Here I am, world. I've got 4 weeks of class left and I've been doing well in classes. I worked my ass off and got the help I needed, so I should be in tip top shape for AX. I'm chasing after a girl and would like to get to know her, knowing my luck..She could have a boyfriend or she might not be interested in me after all. Last, the city has gone strict on their video slot machines policy. After having called the city. A guy from the unit handling these affairs basically said "There's no way these machines can comply and there's been no machine made that could comply with the law." So they're going to each game store here and taking a machine as well as arresting the person who's watching the store. Stress - 1, Fun - 0. I don't know what's going to happen and I'm pretty sure my parents don't know what they're going to do if the stores are forced to finally shut down. I wasn't really expecting these problems that early. I worry that one day, I'll come home and find out my parents have been arrested. I think that would be one of the worst feelings in the world. The chief of police is a fucking liar, through and through. He goes about in the newspaper saying that he doesn't want to shut the stores down, but decides to catch all the stores on a technicality that can't be remedied. My parents work their hands to the bone to make sure their customers are taken care of and they have been on the up and up on everything they've done for the store. You cater to a group, right? I don't see my parent's business being any worse than a strip joint or a bar. Hell, people die in car accidents because of drinking. What's going to happen to you at a game shop? I've been holding this in for a very long time. I've worked my ass off in school and I'm trying to find some time where I can relax, but it's getting gradually harder and harder to drift away from reality. Especially when the city's threatening my future. I just hope the stupid officials finally end this nonsense. My heart's a beating, is it love or is it a heart attack? Maybe it's both.

Speaking of depressed.
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
10:17 p.m.
I'm feeling very lonely right now. I'm not aching for a new love of my life or anything of the sort, it's just that there seems to be a serious problem going on in my family. I'm in college still, unable to do a thing about it. My mother keeps thinking it'll be okay, but being the pessimist I am..I can't completely get it off of my mind. My parent's businesses are at stake, and if they get shut down. Uh...Good bye source of income. Then I've got college to pay for too, as soon as I finish anyway. Hell, I'm sure a lot more families are feeling it now after all the stuff with the economic recession. My mom keeps saying there's been nothing wrong done, but if they get caught unaware with something. It's lights out. In the blink of an eye, it can be closed. I've always been against video slot machines, but it is the one thing keeping my parents a float. 2 stores my parents own, but those machines have always been in the gray area of the law. It's one of those dangerous things you have to take a chance with. It looks like I'll be calling the city tomorrow to see if my parents have their businesses up to snuff. I just don't know how I would react with my parents lost their means of income. Would I react with extreme anguish? Extreme depression? What exactly would happen? All in time for Easter..Uh, I don't know what else to say. Ah, journals...

I'll give you a spring. Then I'm going to break you.
Friday, March 8, 2002
02:45 p.m.

Taken from chemistry notebook 3/09/02(Begins at 10:55):

Well, fucking Hell. Everyone's going to be doing something this weekend, except me. My friends are off to Austin for movies and Streetfighter. My car is in the shop and things are just really shitty socially I suppose. School is going okay, half a semester to go. I sort of want to get trashed for the most part. It's shitty to look forward to a test or some kind of work I'm not in the mood for. The girl situation has calmed down too. Good for my wallet and whatever money I have. Bad for the lonely soul. Wow, I see her today too. (Point of appearence 11:05) Someone out there must be looking down on me? Hah, as much as I want to walk and talk to her, I find it kind of hopeless at the moment. Hell, the time has passed. (It's been a week or two since I last saw her.) So I guess all I can do is sigh and go on with this boring existence. I guess I could be brave, but I don't think I'm ready to be rejected. I'm definately weak.

The stinging feeling of rejection is one of the most worst feelings in the world. Especially when you're a fragile person deep inside. Well, two months to go before finals. Three or four months till A-kon, four or five till AX. Who knows what might happen then? Hmph, I shift from bitching about life in general to bitching about romance as the girl walks in. Talk about obsessive. -- 11:10 am

Happy as a clam.
Wednesday, February 27, 2002
10:34 p.m.

I've been hit by an unprecedented streak of good luck, or possibly happiness lately. Not that I can really explain it all, this week just felt really good. All before Spring Break and stuff. I think I've found a girl who seems to be interested in me and is cute to boot, but uh..I don't really count on it soon unless I find out more stuff. I'm still very afraid of opening up, so maybe she could be the one? Hah..Stupid question. Well, I am still in college and very young. How the Hell am I supposed to know if this is the one I'd want to spend the rest of my life with much less her name? Well, I'm glad I got a nice conversation going with her though, especially when she's the one who initiated the conversation. Maybe I'll get to know more the next time because I don't have a test then. Ha.

I'm good at HTML.

Words and the time of day to use them.
Sunday, February 17, 2002
02:21 p.m.
School's been kicking me in the ass as I've failed my first Chemistry test. Formulas and me just don't work, so there. I'm in the process of getting a tutor right now, in hopes that I'll get past this little problem. Otherwise, I've done fairly well in school. All of my work is getting done, I've been doing the reading for the most part. I still have some catching up to do thanks to video games and other vices like boba tea shops which I've started to enjoy on the way back from class. I enjoy living in the moment, I can't seem to find any long term happiness. I suppose I'm trying to compensate for that depression by trying to keep busy. I'm taking life foregranted for the most part. I want to live life to the fullest, but it feels like there's nothing to live for. I mean, I want to do things and make this life worthwhile. Even though I want to do this and that, what IS "this and that"? I've found that drinking/clubbing/videogames/etc to be not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. I think the only thing I really want to do right now is to travel everywhere I want to go. Get away from everything, start anew, get away again then start again? Maybe see the world, maybe live in various places. I don't know how many times I thought about how other places might be like, or how my home would be without me. Now that I think of it, I would probably get bored wherever I went. Living for the moment just has its limits, it seems to feel like. I need something new and refreshing, digging deep into something that gets old is a boring idea to me. As of this moment, I've kept myself busy reading the Hitchiker's guide and practicing for tournaments every so often. Soon, I'll finish the book, later I'll get sick of going to the same tournaments over and over again. Then what's there? Nothing, unless I find something else to be interested in. It's always fun the first few thousand times. The next few times become unbearable, I need a constant source of something fresh. Whether it be new music or new things I've never seen before and enjoy or want more of. Once the ride is over, it is over for good. That's just how I am, and is something I can't change. I think the only thing that gives me a sense of satisfaction is being around for others.I just have an innate need to do things for people, sometimes it borders on the edge of stupidity or being a pest. Over the past few days, I felt like trying to become a source of help. Instead, I ended up forcing myself and am in the process of beating myself up over it. It's just one of those stereotypical "I want to help, but end up making things worse" kind of situations. It's just the worst feeling to have when you feel that you can do something to someone's benefit, but are not there or when you miss out on something that you could've done with your abilities. I've seen some things happen, others I haven't seen at all and found out a long way after the problem was solved. It gives me a sick feeling of as if I didn't care about what happened to people I care about. I've beaten myself up on many occasions for accepting kind favors from friends and get an intense need to reciprocate the gesture with something equally or more of worth the favor was. With so many people that do get through life and learn from it, it seems that I can't seem to pick it up and do well in it. I've been misquoted and confused people on many occasions, I just wish I could have someone who could completely understand me. This is probably where the perfect mate comes in. Whenever I've been given the chance to explain myself, it seems like the wrong words come to mind. An hour later or a day later even. I finally come up with the right words, but it's too late to say them. One of the worst feelings ever. I'd try to come up with something witty, but there isn't anything witty to say.

Stress? You gotta be kidding!
Thursday, February 7, 2002
05:22 p.m.
I like the format for my entries, spaces don't register. I'll get that fixed sometime or another. I've got a Chemistry test tomorrow and I'm just a little ticked off right now. Fucked up on the test review that was happening today, but I wrote down the wrong room and time. Got 15 minutes of reviewing done, I'm sure ready for that test now. School's getting stressful, I feel like I'm beginning to crumble over. I'm making an A in English and something akin to a B in History I think. I'm still a little early, I suppose before I go study. Spring makes people crazy and I'm a little crazy too, who am I kidding? I'm very crazy, crazy for the companionship. Maybe it's all the snow and cold over the winter/autumn months that supressed my deep feeling for companionship. I find myself wanting to beat my head into the concrete wall after daydreaming or just thinking about being with a person. Life isn't fair though, and given the circumstances I have..It ain't gonna work. First, I'm not being myself. Second, I have no source of cash. Last, I'm just uh, not looking good. I'm not sure what I really am either, so go identity crisis. I'm just a plethora of bitching that wants to be unleashed. There's so much I want to talk about rather than the ole Video Game/Going To Movies/Drinking/Be Funny bit. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel there is more to me than people think, but I can't let down the personal barrier that I have up 24/7. I'm probably as vulnerable as a baby under this "stupid azn" exterior. There's so much more to life than "hanging out" or "going to tournaments." I want something more out of life. I guess I want someone that I can be dependant, but also depended on. Codependency, a magical word. I guess that leaves independent people out in the cold, not that they DO need me anyway. Eh? I was doing another one of those color personality tests, oddly enough. It was a frightening summary of me. "Despite looking carefree, truly unhappy." "Loneliness is soul shattering to you." "Everything you want is everything you need." "By hook or crook" "Apathetic to your surroundings." Talk about baggage. It also says I'm desparate, good description. Maybe I shouldn't take it too seriously and prove it wrong, but that takes work. Good job, Vo.

The life and times of Mike Vo. PART II:
Thursday, January 17, 2002
05:56 p.m.

Exerpts from journal entries written in the back of my class notebook for notes:

""Today is What is an argument?" Whoa, arguments?! Don't get me started, "sister"" - English 1302

"In about 5 minutes or whenever the Hell this abomination starts, I'll probably be begging to either fall asleep from the monotony, kill myself for wasting 30 cents on the God forsaken hot chocolate or this headache that's going to begin. Ah yes, English." - English 1302

"Okay! 15 minutes before Chemistry! Thank God, 'cuz it's really awesome to listen to conversations I just can't block out. Dead people, science and more fun than you could ever imagine....right by the entrance of the women's restroom. Heh, what a nice place. Oh well--" - Chemistry 1301

"Ah yes, the periodic table. Time for note taking. P.S. I'm getting sleepy." 15 minutes after. "Boredom strikes again!" - Chemistry 1301

"Finally, it's the final period of the day. Now I need to do my homework soon. TWO WHOLE PAGES OF ARGUMENT EXCITEMENT THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST! Trying to write in only caps hurts my arm." - History 1311.

"Blah blah blah America is a new world! Blah blah blah, Cortes! Blah blah blah Smallpox! Peace out Aztecs. He thinks I'm taking notes, maybe." - History 1311

"I've wasted my time online and messaged people who will probably never answer me back, oh well. It's time to ride on the choo-choo train of wacky computer science." - CSE 1310

""I've noticed that people really like to speak their native languages A LOT. I think it's really shady. I guess it's one of those mystical things. "Whoo! Look! I'm speaking AND ENGLISH! ALL AT ONCE!" So, these people end up speaking one language, then another one. For example, "Vietnaglish" or "Englinese."" - CSE 1310

It's ah me. I'm a gonna win!
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
11:13 a.m.
Well, I've finally started school again. I woke up at 5 a.m. just to get ready for class. I fell asleep at 9:30 as a consequence. Things melted, other things broke, I snapped, a lot of things have happened in these whirlwind weeks after Christmas. I spent 300+ dollars in books yesterday and finished some work early. I'm going to need to get more dedicated. Stupid PS 2 and Final Fantasy X that I want to play. My cousin's also living with me, so good bye privacy. I wish I could go into more, but I will later. FELIZ DOS ZERO ZERO DOS!: Said a few minutes after New Year's Eve 2k2.

Sicknesses and its benefits (Wha?)
Thursday, December 27, 2001
10:39 a.m.
So, it looks like I'm writing again. I've still got the cold though it's beginning to fade away. I caught it a few days before Christmas. I have an idea as to why I got the cold. Overworked my body, so uh. Good job me. I was showboating around with my cousin and little brother playing all sorts of various games for an entire day or so. Come to think of it, I've never been sick this entire summer/autumn. I guess it was expected sooner or later. Hopefully I can keep my immune system in good shape this coming spring. Not being sick rocks. The truth finally came out to the rest of my family, so the shock didn't really get everyone. What shocked them more was that my cousin got suspended too(or will be. He likes to lie too.) I was feeling quite ashamed about it, because it's not like I had the intention to do badly. I had high hopes before my first year in college started, it wasn't as if I was setting myself up to fall. It made me want to really pull out from society and cease to exist to the rest of my family. Oddly enough, when my aunts came over. Not much was said, but I still have my doubts. It seems my mom's side of the family likes to gossip a lot. I'm sure my aunts are probably talking about me behind my back as my mom is talking about my cousin behind his back. What a wonderful life, eh? For now..I'd like to succeed, I'm feeling determined. I finished some tasks that needed to be done at school a week or two ago. Now I've got a few more things to take care of, and I will get them done. This has been another report of "A Day In The Life Of A Vo: AMERICA STRIKES BACK."

Why?
Tuesday, December 25, 2001
11:43 p.m.

I am a Gauntlet Adventurer. I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You?

Coming soon to a theater near you.
Friday, December 21, 2001
03:45 p.m.
Hm, it's the Holidays. I've accomplished a lot of things over the past few days, but I've also had to cope with the things I've been dreading about. I'll have more on this as it develops, so my story is I'm sort of happy, but I'm also angry. And that's news to me.(To be re-written sooner or later.)

I love you Rika-chan!
Thursday, December 13, 2001
07:08 p.m.
Ever had the feeling of deja vu before? I've had it many times throughout my life. I'd usually brush it off and go on, but I've kind of started thinking more about it lately. I'm sort of vulnerable to unnatural phenomenon. The only reason why I'm thinking about it now is because some supposed "psychic medium" was talking about how many males have a sort of psychic sense which results in those males being able to see the future in their dreams. While women on the other hand are able to feel out situations with their gut instincts. I had a case of deja vu a while before or after the show. Not that I really remember right now. I usually don't remember my dreams, so I can't say for sure whether it's what the guy described or not. Regardless, it's got me a little intrigued. Next thing on my mind is whether I'm getting sorta suicidal or not. I'm beginning to drive pretty haphazardly without any regard for my own life. Maybe it's the daredevil/suicidal tendency in me, but I really couldn't stand driving with both hands. I just felt like letting go of the wheel as I was driving home, kind of like a "Look mom! No hands!" type thing a child would do on their bike. It sorta scared me, but I felt much more relaxed as I drove, I've been driving around a bit lately and I'd always have a passenger which would end up with me getting all sweaty since I seem to value their lives more than my own. Eh, just passing thoughts anyway. I've not much to do, I'm just overly bored and listening to music. So much for activity. My little brother also talks on the phone too much. I'm going to zip his mouth shut. Bye!

Hello.
Monday, December 10, 2001
01:59 a.m.
Hello. This is a drunk entry. Bye.

Chika chika, Slim Shady.
Thursday, December 6, 2001
11:10 p.m.
Well, I've been putting this off for a while. It looks like I'm back for the long haul though. (Laugh when I quit updating it for months on again.) It's just that life isn't all that interesting, I plan on finding fun stories when I go to school again. Not a lot was done during this past break, I did a little more living. If you call living leeching off your friend's lives and messing around on the computer or the console. The console war sucks and I'm against talking about it because it's a plain stupid topic. "Dude, X-Box r0x. GameCube sucks dick." Forget that. I like video games. People should learn that too. Next order of business, Thanksgiving was fun. I spent it with family and friends. I was feeling really nice for a change and not so hateful. That is until I noticed that my friend was high, which didn't take that long. That and I paid for a jug of milk that I never drank, I'm a damn idiot. I haven't watched much in the way of movies lately, I think I've been mentally scarred watching FROM HELL(ASS)or possibly Monsters Inc. I'm just too lazy to watch movies that are probably really terrible. It's better renting stuff anyway. I found myself renting Shrek which was pretty good. I'm a sucker for fairytales and cartoons, I suppose. Lately, I've been finding myself wanting to dabble around in music. I keep listening to music and finding myself singing along or thinking up of lyrics. Sure, it's sing-along, but I'd also like to compose lyrics of my own or write music too. Maybe those celebrity specials are getting to me, it's usually a ten million to one chance or possibly more of breaking into the industry. I know it's far off dream and I'm probably stupid for believing in it, but it's a dream I'd like to keep. This doesn't mean I'm going to throw away everything to chase this particular dream. It's just plain stupid to believe that with a guitar and five bucks, I can become a super star like those aforementioned celebrity specials. I used to be in band in Jr. High and High School, so I have a degree of knowledge in music. However, that's just not enough experience for me. I also know that I can't just wait for years on for that big chance, so I'm not going to bet my life on becoming a sensation while starving to death. Perhaps that's due in part to myself not wanting to put forth all the effort I can muster. Well, like the saying goes. "Don't quit your dayjob." That or "Maybe a dream is just a dream."

I'm Monsters Inc.!
Sunday, November 4, 2001
09:04 p.m.
I watched From Hell and Monsters Inc. over the past weekend. Worst movie ever made, From Hell. Monsters Inc. was okay, definitely a movie to take your children to. In place of children, I took my little brother. The antics of the child were really cute and syruppy. Another week, then a tournament. Nothing much going here. I think I need a hiatus from this thing until I can think of something to write about, I guess that's sort of part of being busy. Things are going okay, I have a new game to play. Tons of 'em. Fun for me. I'll have to rewrite this one later, when I really can think. I love you Jimmy Bones!

I love love you.
Saturday, October 27, 2001
12:25 p.m.
I'm almost finished registering for classes. It's a couple of months before I'll be going back to school again. I sort of feel revitalized after all this crap happening during the past 6 months or so. I don't think it's made me a better person for it, but I do feel better after this time off. I also think I've found a way to elude past the dumb parking lots at UTA. It's called waking up at 6 am and getting there at 7. Hmph..At least I scheduled my classes correctly and have a plan all laid out now. I'm kind of thinking ahead to this summer right now. I'm going to try and get tickets to LA for July. I really want to go, yet I haven't been able to pull it off for the last couple of years. Good thing N'Sync's This I Promise You played on my mp3 player. Music's always setting the mood. Should've deleted the God awful thing a long time ago. Back to the matter at hand, I really can't take a job unless I want to have fun paying for my education by myself. Maybe I could sell some of my stuff off. I'm sure there's dumb people out there willing to buy some of the crap I own. Eh..Oh well, at least I'm waiting before it's too late. Dilemmas, dilemmas. I love you.

Violence solves problems.
Tuesday, October 23, 2001
02:48 p.m.
Last rant felt pretty good, I was pretty angry all weekend long. I was able to go out and keep away from home for a while. A good feeling when you can repress your anger with a leisurely stroll through the mall and whatnot. I stayed up till 3-4 a.m. most of the nights and the entire house ended up reeking of "Hot and Spicy SPAM." Of course, that just means my cousin was over here. I don't think anything's ever been solved. I'm just coping with this bullshit known as life. I really like going to school for some reason. As I was walking through the campus today, I've always had this sort of frown on my face. I was able to relax, which felt sorta nice now that I think about it. Enough incoherent rambling though, I'm picking up the little brother from school now. PEACE JIGGAZ.

Thursday, October 18, 2001
08:51 p.m.
Hello world! I'm sorry. I'm sorry for knowing people. I'm sorry for not being able to drink, and knowingly have to go home afterwards. I'm sorry for not being able to smoke cigarettes or marijuana. I'm sorry for not being any fun. I'm sorry for giving a damn about things when people fell under bad times, then not be able to do nothing about it. I'm sorry for being useless. I'm sorry for not being able to have a cel phone and having an open phoneline. I'm sorry for believing that if I respected people, I would get respect. I'm sorry that I can't joke worth half Jay Leno's ass. I'm sorry that I've done dirty deeds for others and feel ashamed for having done them in my free time. I'm sorry that I've lost self control and taken things from others when they offered. I'm sorry that I don't have money all the time. I'm sorry that I can't stay out late because I really don't want to drive back late at night and get preached about staying out late. I'm sorry that I was naive enough to believe in a bunch of shit. I'm sorry I'm slow when it comes to certain subjects. I'm sorry I've got the personality of a mule. I'm sorry I ever even taken the characteristics of some people. I'm sorry I've tried to prove myself to my friends and failed miserably. I'm sorry that my problems aren't significant. I'm sorry that I've let myself be stepped on. I'm sorry that I'm having trouble adjusting to life and all its intricacies when I'm rotting away from it. I'm sorry that I've ever let people fuck with me just because it's so easy to do so. I'm sorry that I can laugh at things because I can. I'm sorry that if I don't get fucked over tomorrow. There's always the day after. I'm sorry that I'm not a human being. I'm sorry that I can't quite reach the dignity of some people. I'm sorry that I have no dignity anymore. I'm sorry that I'm not someone to be respected. I'm sorry I'm not one to be feared either. I'm sorry that all I am is a walking joke. I'm sorry I never realized this before. I'm sorry for doing things for people because I care. I'm sorry for caring even when I know I'm going to get fucked over again. I'm sorry for trying to depend on people when I should've depended on myself in the beginning. I'm sorry that I've even let myself in this situation. I'm sorry that I'm not as strong as others. I'm sorry for everything. I have no dignity. I'm just there for people's amusements and I'm getting no amusement out of it. I don't even know what to do, as if I ever knew. Thank god for people.

Saturdays, Sundays, aw Hell. They're all the same to me.
Sunday, October 14, 2001
12:27 a.m.
It's Sunday morning. Sorta. I'm tired as Hell, and need a drink right about now. I'm not sure where I am in terms of progress, but it seems that I'm a sucker for punishment. I keep getting chewed out and it's great. I'm beginning to lose motivation again, honestly. I need to find some kind of motivation again, maybe talking to a counselor's a start. Well..I've finished my first book in a while and it had to be Harry Potter. Stayed up till 4:30 am the night before to finish it. An okay book, not really suggested reading unless you really like kid's stuff. I promise, I'll find the Hitchhiker's book soon! Or I could rent the video, but that would ruin the entire purpose of reading the book. I guess everyone's infatuations with web journals are over, but I suppose I'll go on. Maybe this thing'll last long. Maybe not.

Rant.
Wednesday, October 10, 2001
12:58 a.m.
Hoo boy. Not exactly in a bad mood, but not in a good mood either. It's another one of those non-self analyzing days. I'm finally back on my old computer, took a couple of days to figure out what was going on and why stuff didn't work. That's not the point of this rant however. I just felt like writing again, I've been reading 40-50 or so pages per night before I went to bed. Bad for sleep, good for mind possibly. Not sure if Harry Potter is decent reading material though. I'm just trying to see what the craze is about so I stole my little brother's book. It's party time Friday night, a going away party of sorts even though it makes no sense. I'd sure love to stay longer, but heaven knows it won't be easy. Not really into anything right now, I'm just here. Met a girl today, but was too scared to really do anything. It just gets me so angry because I know I'm bitching and I know that I could've done something. Dropping the ball's one of my best qualities. Eh, oh well..I should try to follow some of my own advice. I'd probably feel better too, or be dead from embarassment...Ah yes..Prom Night 2k. Hah, I'm so dumb.

Roar.
Sunday, October 7, 2001
02:46 p.m.
Random nonsensical entry for today. I've been out doing stuff lately and there's just not much self analysis to do at the moment. I've been reading again, sorta and it's nice to do. My computer is messed up and I'm in the middle of backing up all my files, then reformatting and installing a new HD. Funny that everytime my computer messes up, I end up upgrading it. It cost me 80 bucks, I'm the winner today. I'm also typing from my little brother's computer right now and it sucks ass. Friend's birthday was yesterday and my little brother is sick. I'm sort of making more friends and it's just great. Peace ya'll, by the way. Afghanistan was hit today. Umm..Okay? Bye!

Mike Vo! Quit writing so much! You're a dummard.
Friday, September 28, 2001
02:10 a.m.
Short entry for today, I'm really tired right now. It's just 2 am and I'm not in too much of a mood to remenisce at the moment. As usual, crazy things happen and it's at an inconvenient time no less. I became the 5th wheel of sorts today having done only a little to help. I suppose that's just the same as messing it up even more, so I'm feeling kind of guilty about that. I'm not much of a leader when it comes to these things, so it's kind of a rare occassion I try really hard to help by myself. Whenever I do things, I kind of blank out on what to do and stand there doing nothing. I think it's because I'm like a sheep. I wait there to be herded somewhere. Taking initiative was never one of my strengths, so hooray. This is the least of my problems especially when I'm sort of being forced to take sides now. I think I'll try to be as neutral as I can. It'd be really dumb of me to choose one person over another especially if I know nothing about the situation. Another problem, a pretty good friend of mine is in jail now. Hooray for that. Headache headache headache. Sleeping now, peace.

More thoughts. Good? Bad? I don't know. Angry? You bet.
Thursday, September 27, 2001
12:37 a.m.
I guess I've developed a habit now. Writing late at night has always been nice. It forces me to think when I'm really in no mood to, but I feel the need anyways. Another of those unexplicable things about myself. I'm kind of wondering whether an introduction of myself is necessary. I seem to be the obligatory guy with the past that no one knows or cares about. Kind of like a stand in on a sitcom. "Wee, look at me dancing or do something dumb in the background." I think I'm having a bad time being outward, I certainly enjoy it, but it seems to mess me up in the end. It's always this one faux pas that keeps me from being a decent person. Not that I want to be someone else, but it'd kind of be nice to fit in? It's just one of those things. I can be lucky and be sort of liked, but then I inadvertently say something dumb that turns people off. That's how it is when you try too hard, I suppose. I could easily be myself, but right now I'm not even sure what my sense of self is. I've read before that people take other people's characteristics a lot. It's one of those natural things that happens to people. A crude example, Tony Hawk does the 900. Everyone else tries to copy that same trick. A fairly bad analogy, but I'm not that creative. I've come across a delightful dilemma. It's become a kind of guilty feeling everytime I've picked up other people's characteristics. I don't have any desirable characteristics. I seem to just pick up other's. I suppose it's got to do with being unhappy with myself. It hurts to watch myself type this, because it really is true. I guess I'm really leaving myself open for hits by writing this, but that really doesn't matter right now. Maybe I could use a change of location myself. I already see that my future's not here. I'm kind of afraid to say that, but it is true as of the moment. I'm not sure if I can be happy here. It's not like I'm going to be out chasing anyone. Now thinking back, these words were said by someone else. Heh..Stupid me and my assimilating people. I wonder what I really want. I'm completely blank again. Maybe tomorrow.(Edit: By the way, I just contradicted myself.)

Life and all it's mysteries rolled up in an easy to store pile of junk!
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
12:02 a.m.
Yahoo, another entry of me writing stuff down as soon as I think of it. Another beginning of the week and I'm inhaling more smoke as usual. I'll be dead by 50 most likely. I've got a headache from smelling too much exhaust on the road probably. I used to be so afraid of being lonely on the road, but now it's more of a calming feeling. I guess it's just really easy to forget everything when you have nothing but a cd player to listen to and you're watching as you pass by the world. When I'm home alone though, I become afraid of the loneliness. Not in the way that you're frightened half to death and hiding under your blanket afraid. It's more of a "What will I do alone?" kind of thing. It's hard to explain I suppose, but that's me. I've begun to sorta move on with life and met a few new people. They're pretty nice and all and I guess it might take a while for me to really get to know them. Now that I think about it, maybe I'm using this as a way to crush my loneliness. Yet there's always those lingering feelings that I want to share with a special someone, again I attribute to loneliness. It's one of those things that makes me feel like I'm going to explode if I don't release it. I'm not sure if it's a good thing however. It makes me a really dependant person. I don't even know whether that's a good thing either. At this rate, I don't think I'll ever become a true adult. I keep holding on and never letting go. It's just one of my trademarks. Maybe I have trouble with commitments or carrying them through. It's times like this that make me wish I could answer all these "maybes" and become a sane person. I sit here right now typing all this crap up, but in the end. Nothing'll really change. It's kind of like a neverending chain of doom. So many problems and no solution in sight. I'm really kind of stuck for a loop, but hate to ask for help. Stupid pride. Even now, if I ever fall in love. I don't think it could ever help me find myself and the strength to be alone. I sometimes feel like reaffirming my individuality to myself, but that doesn't really do anything. I'm not sure why I reaffirm myself either, what the Hell? I wonder if I could even find this strength. I think I'm living like a parasite right now. I'm just living off the happiness I have with my friends or by playing games. I kind of know it in my heart that this won't keep me happy for long. I can't seem to find happiness in the things I have. I should be grateful for what I have because there are tons of people out there that would kill for a kind of life I have. Food, luxaries such as video games and the internet, schooling paid for by your parents, free car to drive, not being forced to work? I'm sure someone would be really happy to lead my life and would probably lead it better than I am now. As for the future, I kind of see myself being happy with a family. I'm sort of in doubt whether I could truly be happy with that, but it's the best thing I could possibly have. I'm not sure why I'm not happy in this family, I understand that my parents have to work. This has kind of made me astranged from my parents though. So, I suppose I'm trying to find my own way and be different from my parents? Too many questions. I'm a basketcase and a money farm for a psychologist or therapist. Just sitting here again. I'm pretty tired, no more for me.

I'm running through without your help, I'm running through without your vibes.
Monday, September 17, 2001
10:32 p.m.
I've been sort of noticing as to how theraputic writing is. I'm really glad that I started. Out of everyone who started writing around the beginning the summer. Only a few of us still write a lot. I suppose it's a good habit. I've been reading my writing again and it seems more like an update site rather than diary of sorts. I'm not sure what I want at this moment, but it sort of feels wrong just to write for an audience. That's just the problem with web blogs I suppose. I should probably get a real journal to write in. Ah well. I've been holding back on writing this entry a lot. Not sure why, but I guess I might as well get it out of the way now. Maybe it means I'm right and need to write into a real book. I think I'll start reading again. First book, the Hitchhiker's Guide..

Cafe cafe cafe cafe cafe cafe
Friday, September 14, 2001
06:36 p.m.
Change of pace. Even the president says we need to get back to a state of normalcy, or what resembles it. I completely agree as well. What we need are Americans wondering what's going on in the race for the pennant or whether The Rock beat up Stone Cold Steve Austin last Monday. There's a time for mourning and there's a time to move on. Personally, I think it's a time to move on. Some people seem to be able to control their anger, and some don't. I was driving and the back of some guy's window read "Got WWIII?" I'm not sure whether it was out of anger or out of sarcasm, but it was completely unwarranted. War isn't pretty, folks. It's probably needed, but to trivialize it in such a way is WRONG. Some might call me a pussy for not wanting to nuke a country, but I respond with this: "Do you know what a nuke does and what effect it has on the land?" I recall hearing that overpopulation is going to be a problem in the future. I certainly don't think making usable land unlivable is a good idea. I'm straying, and really want to get back to the point. America needs to move on. I'm not saying there shouldn't be punishment, but if it moves onto sheer senseless killing. It's just dropping down to the terrorist's levels. I'm doing my best to move on though, hopefully others can too.

Bombers.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
09:49 p.m.
And the knob switches another notch. So I'm rudely woken up. Woken up by what? "An airliner has hit the world trade center building." What the fuck? So everything I wanted to do this entire week is thrown out the window, thousands of people are dead, symbols of the US have been destroyed, planes have been hijacked, everyone's in a frenzy to find what happened and everyone wants to kill Bin Laden or perhaps Afghanistan. I'm just some kid on the 'net though, and all I really want is a good investigation. Some people are really clouded by their anger to make any good judgements. I completely agree with them about punishing the ones responsible, but when you start jumping to conclusions right away. It's insanity to believe that you're right just because you're making an uneducated guess. I really do pray that this can be taken care of in a fair manner, but knowing the irrationality of people..The world will be in a worse off state for it. Other things going through my mind? People keep asking who and why would someone do anything such as this. I think the only answer I really can provide is that they're only human. You're human, I'm human, everyone else is. Humanity has the capability to do great good or to do great evil.

Driving..PART 2
Monday, September 10, 2001
09:43 p.m.
Well, my happiness didn't last too long. Now I'm pissed as Hell. It's just one of those days when you can't quite figure out why you're on such a short fuse. Of course, the topic of driving can't quite leave my mind. We're just all such bad drivers around here. People are stupid with machines. That's why we have so many deaths per year. Sure. I'd like to pull out some statistics and show them, but I'm too lazy so what I say will have to do. So what happened? I'm casually driving back from the grocery store with my little brother in the passenger side. We're at a stoplight with a pharmacy to the right and the driveway in/out of it to my right side. We're stopping and this complete jerk that looks like a J.D. Roth reject(You don't know him?! SEX WARS!!) and his girlfriend decide to pinch into the 2 ft space between me and the car in front of me. He then looks back at me and grins while his girlfriend is laughing. Of course, this has to be in the middle of rush hour. I completely blow my top and give him a disgusted look as I curse to high heaven about how stupid he is. I'm about to open the door, but quit knowing it's a good idea that I not engage him. Reasons: "Too many witnesses/cars around, one big ass line of cars that wouldn't wait for me to kick some guy's ass, I'm going to have to explain any injuries I get out of this." I guess my head can be on straight in hard situations, because I really would've loved to have a chance to kick the living shit out of the guy. In the end though, if I did. I'd probably get sued/arrested for assault and probably set a bad example for my own little brother. I just wanted to punch that grinning idiot in the face. So hours after that incident, I find myself watching the news to hear about how this guy shot another man after doing something on the road. Sounds like something I would've done if I was intoxicated or more mentally disturbed. Even as I type this, I still can't extinguish the fire in my stomach. I just want to kick that little son of a bitch's ass.

The stuff that dreams are made of.
Sunday, September 9, 2001
08:20 p.m.
As usual, it's another jampacked entry into the journal. I've kind of felt the need to write everytime something devestating/crushing/depressing happened. Kind of looking back, not all of my entries were like that. That's a good thing I suppose, one less bad thing that could be happening to me. It's just a Sunday night with the computer with me cringing at anything that comes on including the Weakest Link bitch. I did a bunch of wrestling today and damn am I tired. I really got to start working out so I can actually keep up with my friends. I'm pretty much back in my invincibility mindset once more when it comes to driving. I keep looking back in fear of a cop finding me and messing me up once more, boy..I have no patience at all. Friends Jeremy, Damon, and even Janalyn came to visit this weekend. Obviously, I had to meet up with 'em along with the brother. Good times all around. I've been doing some work for the last couple of days or so and got a haircut. It looks really nice, but my face doesn't. Eh..I'm ugly, so what good will nice hair do? Ab So Lute Ly none. Ah well, maybe my nice boy image and sense of humor'll get me somewhere. Aw Hell, screw it. I'm going to get a cushy job and a loaded wallet. PS HI STELLA!

"Kyah kyah kyaaah...Shinryuuuuuken!!"
Thursday, September 6, 2001
10:29 a.m.
Well, just when you try to do the right thing. Something has to go and kick you right in the ass. My little brother's birthday was yesterday, and my parents of course were too busy trying to make a living to have any party of sorts. It's really understandable, and nothing is wrong with that. So I have the greatest idea in the world: "Hey! Why don't we go out and take you to have some fun since I'm broke as Hell?" So the night was just great, and I come back to a friend's apartment finding that we're back a little late and being the "good child" I am. I give my mother a call. She picks up and as usual is hellbent. Okay, understandable since it was my fault I was a little late. So I get home and try to reason with her, too late for that. So she takes away my car keys. Okay. Very well, have dad drive you in the morning. I try a few more times to plead my case, that ends up in being a waste of breath and being tired because of other factors really didn't help my throat feel that much better. So, I try to check my e-mail and chat a little since it's pretty early in the night. I'm told to get off and ask how come. No answer, it's threatening time! So pops makes threats about breaking my computer and I'm sure I'm next up after the computer. I also know that I've had enough of his shit and if he ever did hit me again, I'd probably snap. So, before doing something I might regret. I leave the computer and go off to get a snack and walk to bed and I guess that ends..BUT it doesn't!!!!!!!! I wake up and get lectured some more and asked to take the mom to work. I tell her that she should've gone with dad, she gets angry some more. She decides to hit me where it hurts and smears my recent mistakes in my face. I tell her to drive herself to work. She goes okay, I go back to sleep. She finishes dressing up for work and tells me to wake up again. So she finally gives me my keys back. I win? Hah! Far from it. So she constantly bickers with me. (In between experiencing road rage throughout the drive and pumping it up to 50 and back to 45 trying to control my temper of course.) So I finally get to work and I finally get through to her sort of. Now I'm playing SF2 Turbo for the SNES. Bye!

And Lil' Hugo's 12 tomorrow. Happy early birthday, fruitcake.
Tuesday, September 4, 2001
10:19 a.m.
Well, the relatives are gone once more and I'm left bumbling at the keyboard once more. Life is a beautiful thing, I've been talking to my relatives about my academic situation and it's pretty hard to explain it because I've never been one to talk to relatives about anything. Especially when you know that they're going to end up talking behind your back and eventually badmouth your mom. Ah..Life. Maybe it's a product of these rainy days I've been having, but I'm a little depressed. I think that I can remedy it if I went out and found something to do though. Maybe a healthy social life is the key to being happy? Damned if I knew, but I'd like to try and find something to at least hold me over until I find something I could completely unload my emotional baggage onto. Maybe I should finally go buy my guitar book and learn the guitar? Hah..Funny me. You know, video games are some of the most boring things on Earth. It's just the "been there, done that" mentality. I was very excited having played Capcom vs SNK 2 and enjoyed it quite a bit. So, there's those moments when I win, but it doesn't feel like you win. I sort of discussed it, but there's still that lingering feeling. It goes like this, I win matches, then I feel like it's impossible that I even won due to miscellaneous comments like "What the fuck! This should've hit!" and so on... So I end up thinking "I suck, why am I winning? I lose all the time, so what happened? This is a freaky experience. The other guy is getting mad so time to quit." I eventually end up with a broken will to even play the game. This kind of preconditioning just serves to make me hate trying. Why play games if it's only fun if you lose? Maybe that's why I don't like games anymore. Lose/Lose situations! Hooray! Mike Vo angry? NEWS AT 11!

BOOYA(ka.com)
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
04:34 p.m.
Day 3 of no skool. I'm still feeling good, taking things day by day is great. It's like, I'm feeling uplifted. I'm trying to do things to keep myself busy and trying to retain information that's slowly leaking out of my brain so that when I come back to school. It's all good. I got the runaround and finally ended on the 4-5th person I talked too. Before getting to this boss of sorts, I had to make a quick run to the parking meter. It's like a video game! Super Vo Bros. So I made a desparate run to find that I still had 20 minutes left while the parking officer was checking cars. Thank God or umm..Buddha in my case. I was kind of sad about not being able to go to TCC, but hey..What can I do? Well, on the lighter side of things. I called Steve Gonzales up yesterday. It was really good to talk to him again since his moving. We talked about the Navy Seals training he's going to have to go through and what's next for him in life. I'm really glad that things are looking up for him and he's happy. We talked about drinking parties and how my brother will join the Navy just because Steve is. As usual, his wisecrack remarks came in at the right times and I laughed as it brought back a little of the old days. I've been briefed upon as to how depressing the trend of my posts have been, so I thought I'd end it on a happy note. Vostyle 2k1 to infinity.

It's time for a headcheck.
Monday, August 27, 2001
11:53 a.m.
Well, I was supposed to start school today. The only thing is that the policies that the university has are confusing as Hell. So one false step and you're screwed. This is sort of a private entry, so I really can't comment much on the problem at hand. All I can say right now is that regardless of the outcome, I'm going to accept it and go on. There's no positives dwelling on what happens. I guess this is catharsis of sorts now that I'm accepting school and ready to tear through it. I've got a kind of new found courage to take on college once again, just give me the go and I'll be right there. I enjoy the internet like every other geek does, but I find that my dependance on it is beginning to waver. There's just so many things I've done during these last three to four weeks that have changed, my outlook is changed now. It's a welcome change and I've got more things that I'd like to do. I'm not going to take it to a drastic level and put myself on a self imposed exile, but I'm certainly going to have to learn how to live again(without the aid of a computer). The computer is a tool that's helpful(usually), but overused. The only thing wrong with it is that people end up forgetting their social skills and lose whatever they had in favor of typing words and staring at a computer screen for hours on end. That's what happens when technological progress comes around though. People choose the easier way out and forget all about how to do it the hard way. Kind of like learning how to nuke everything in the microwave and completely forgetting how to use a stove. Well, not much of anything else to comment upon. It's another day, I've gotta clean the house too. Vostyle 4-ever.

The lonely road.
Tuesday, August 21, 2001
01:33 a.m.
Well, it's been a whirlwind weeks of sorts. I've been to San Antonio and Vegas, I've also been hanging out with friends from California and did a lot of things. It's the first hours of my birthday finally having begun. I really don't know why, but I'm just not feeling all to anxious for anything at the moment. I'm grabbing onto childhood memories once more, yet this time doesn't feel any similar to those other times. I've got school in a week, and I'm pretty much ready. My life is beginning to change for the better, yet I'm not excited. I really don't think I'll find any type of excitement anymore until I'm finally free of school. I'm easing into life, I sort of welcome it rather than dread it. Maybe I'm stupid or I don't know what I'm talking about, but it's just not easy to go around living when you don't know what to live for. Well, as with the topic. I think I'm ready to go it alone, the funniest thing about it is that as I was driving home. The road was clear of drivers, it was only me on a backroad in the dark. Common occurance I suppose, but it's the first time I've ever encountered it. It's a sign from somewhere, I bet. Happy birthday, Hai Vo. You're a loser.

Home, sweet home.
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
01:53 a.m.
Vegas was a nice trip, memorable experiences all around. So, to be back once more. As usual, I come back and things shift again. I actually enjoyed my time away from the computer. I didn't have to worry about what was going on in the gaming world, care about whatever anyone said on IRC, or anything of the sort. I suppose being back home kind of broke the sorta streak I had going on with not being on anymore. So, Cali friends visit Thursday and they'll be there until the 21st. What a coincidence, but it's going to be sort of sad as well. My mother's possibly going to leave for a few months to learn another business. It's not so much that I'm worried about myself, but putting myself into my dad's situation. It's kind of sad. Being the sucker for romance I am, I'd be depressed too if my wife had to be gone for such an amount of time. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger though, I suppose. I know I'm on a tangent, alas. It's hard to keep on one subject when there's so much to write about. It's pretty theraputic though, so I have no bones to pick with it. I'll be going back to class in two weeks, and I think I might be ready finally. It's going to be hard to try and adjust my life, but I really need to. Everything's beginning to open up and there's a door ready for me to walk through. Now, the final thing I need to do is just to take my first steps through the door. I know not where it leads, but I hope it's a better place than where I am now. In other news, In reference to a friend's journal, I find myself in an agreement when it comes to IRC. The only thing I ever used it to do was to talk to five people at the most and even then, they don't come around that much anymore. I guess that's all part of growing up and "having a life." Eh? This is sort of a throw back to myself when I tried to make this promise to myself after high school. "Yeah! I'm going to get a real life. Get away from the comp." Yeah right. Those are my flaws though. This is all so easy to say, but hard as Hell to do. I myself am going to try this again though. I've got too much I want to do rather than just sit here watching my complexion go completely pale. Again, I just need to take these first steps. Baby steps..

Damn, yo. Dat shit be wack.
Monday, July 30, 2001
11:05 p.m.
Okay, I'm not gone after all. In the guise of a trip, I've been brought back to this dumpster until this weekend when I really do leave for Vegas since my family didn't feel like staying in San Antonio. My cousin's visitting once more and it's FUN TIMES in Arlington taking him places and losing myself in fun and not being on the stupid computer. I'm not feeling good because of some bad food I ate, so it's been a long night for me these past few days. Enough about that however, friends Matt and Chris will be visiting soon and it'll be a sort of birthday present. I've heard nothing, but good things about both of them so it will be memorable experience I think. By the way, did I mention my birthday is soon? Oh, you didn't? IT'S THE 21ST, BUDDY. And I will probably be watching Rush Hour 2 with the lil brother and cousin the day it comes out. It beats doing nothing, and it's JACKIE CHAN + CHRIS TUCKER. The duo of the millenium, back and in Hong Kong. Jackie's home turf, don't fuck with the man. I'm also not really looking forward to Osmosis Jones because it's a kid's film, but who knows. Sorry, I have nothing else to talk about, but my inability to have a conversation with women and how dumb I am. Alas, the truth hurts. Okay, hugs and kisses.

"Hi, I'm Mike Vo, and I'm an alcoholic."
Wednesday, July 25, 2001
11:25 p.m.
Okay, I lied. I'm not, I'm a lightweight at most and haven't had a drink in a long time. Well, I just needed to release some aggression. So all is happy in M-Vo land. I suppose. I'm out of town tomorrow and will be taking pictures, although the camera might steal my soul. I'm feeling pretty good and rowdy as Hell. I could use some action out of this backwards town called Arlington. 2 weeks sounds just right. Off to San Antonio for a couple of days, then off to LAS VEGAS, THE CITY OF SIN for prostitution, gambling, and DDR(Just because being 18 sucks and not being 21 sucks even more..No drinking legally?!?! RIDICULOUS.) Today was fun, I came upon a fortune of 30 dollars in Chili's gift cards for free. Took friends and brother out to eat at On The Border for "mexican" food/fajitas. Maybe not Mexican enough, but it was for free. I'm not even packed yet. Man, I am dumb. From the bottom of my heart though, fuck each and every one of you. I love you, bitches. Okay, enough sentimentality for now, it's cd burning time. § û Þ Ê ® V Ø |V| ‡ x 2k1™

"Hey, Mike Vo sucks at everything and messed up something again! Let's kick him while he's down!" "OKAY!"
Monday, July 23, 2001
12:32 a.m.
Wow, I'm actually writing about something that ought to be written about on this page!?!? "Oh Mike Vo, you suck." Very well, I suck. "So now, Mike. What are you bitching about this time? More emotional crap from you?" OF COURSE!!! Funny story. From childhood to now, there's always been a static trait in my life. That is one to be picked on. "Oh boo hoo. Go get a life." Hey, I try so fuck you. Some might say, "But that's something to you gotta live with!" Really, why don't you see how it feels when everyone including your family and friends do it. "Blah blah blah, why don't you go kill yourself then?" Sorry, not tonight! "I give up. Tell!" Okay, you see..In every circle of friends I've been in, there have always been moments in where I'm in a moment of weakness whether it be serious or not and it's always been a gang bang so to speak. "Whoa now, Mike. That's too much info for me." Fuck you, sarcasm is stupid. Well, it begins as a little fun situation where nothing bad could possibly happen. Then I make missteps here and there and then I get to be told how dumb I am. Then after not being able to succeed in anything, but be frustrated. The numbers add on and on. That ends in "Mike Vo, you suck. Stop doing anything you want because you're never going to get any good." Fine, why don't you just skull fuck me? I'm sure I'm good for nothing anyways. "No no no, that can't be true. Friends help each other, come on. You've got something you're good at, right?" Nope, I suck at possibly everything with the exception of being good at sucking. "Liar, I mean you've been told that you're good at something at least...Right? You can't be a loser!" I'm sorry, I'm good for nothing except getting kicked around, so hey. It's open season on me, let's see how much more I can take this. "DUR..OKAY!" With friends like this, who needs enemies? I dunno, but I've made my fair share of enemies, and it's quite fun. Okay, I'm lying. I've got the freedom of the highway as I drive home after one humiliating defeat after another though. So get out of my way, or there'll be Hell to pay.

Dum dum dum..
Friday, July 20, 2001
02:14 a.m.
So, GKREW = no more. It's odd that I find a lot of people parting their separate ways into the the realm of the unknown. After I somewhat predicted it in an entry a while back. This has definitely freaked me out, but then again..There's nothing I can do about it. Meanwhile, I've been trying to start a chain reaction of sorts in myself. A sort of rebirth, I guess. I'm going to stick to this routine and see this through until the end, because I don't think I can cope another rollercoaster ride such as what I've had for the past few months. All in the midst of this doom and gloom. I have no power over it, so why put up any kind of resistance? If I mope around over it, it's just going to hold me back. I might sound heartless by saying this, but I'm not going to stop living only because my life's changing. Sure, I'm going to miss all the old times I've had, and the times yet to come. I'm also going to end up sacrificing the other important things in my life that I should be doing, like taking cafe of college. It's funny, I've always put my friends upon a pedestal, higher than anything including my family. Admirable? Perhaps. Stupid? Ditto. I need to get out of that mindset before I end up hurting myself in the process. It's easy to say I will change, and I'm sure there is going to be a long road ahead. I'm going to try to look at this positively though. To those who are leaving, I wish them the best. There's no other way to head, but forward and possibly a brighter future.

http://www.loser.com
Monday, July 16, 2001
02:06 a.m.
Hey, I'm stupid. Previous stuff is in the Archives under April 2k1. I win. Bye.