little ms. "sweet and innocent."

Monday, September 24, 2001
Man, does Glitter sound like it's totally terrible or what?
The article says that she can't even lip-sync convincingly (as we noticed watching that telethon Friday night), she apparently sucks at singing her one 'hit' in the movie, she complains about being exploited by wearing a bikini (while in real life she flashes all kinds of crotch in her videos), she falls into bed with a romantic xylophone player...Ew, this sounds rotten.

Monday, September 24, 2001
The sequel to Oolong, the Pancake Rabbit
In which Shelley puts stuff on her cat's head.

Monday, September 24, 2001
Marilyn Manson busted for gyrating on a guy's head.
What's funny is how his lawyer keeps reiterating how "yes, he's really taking this seriously."

Monday, September 24, 2001
See what I mean?
Peter Jennings is now getting all kinds of shit for supposedly criticizing Bush- which he didn't even do.

I'm scared.

Monday, September 24, 2001
An eloquent plea not to scream for war

Monday, September 24, 2001
Dude, Where's bin Laden?
Complete with a Waldo shot.

Monday, September 24, 2001
The human flag

Monday, September 24, 2001
You know, it's nice to want to do your part, but...
isn't a webcam girl auction just kinda skanky? (Note: don't make the mistake I did of clicking this at work.)

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Enter at your own risk
I'm not dealing with all my old advertising links right now, but this was just too heinous to not mention right away, especially given how many Salon things I have put up in recent weeks with regards to war. When will they ever learn that the bigger and longer the ad doesn't necessarily make you want to buy the product?

I'm not sure I want to continue reading the site so much any more. Read all Salon stuff up now at your own risk.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
The haunted tour of the Sacramento area

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Why you shouldn't major in Japanese
Really funny.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Male finishing school!
Remember: one button undone for day, two for night, three you're J.Ho, five, you're Hasselhoff.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Record companies are bad bad bad.
They'd much rather you be renting those CD's and hand over a lot of your personal information first.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
No sex for cops on the job unless it's an emergency/lifesaving thing?
I'm still trying to think of what kind of a situation would possibly fit into those categories.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Students for Suicide Tablets
And oh, how this link has just gotten more freakishly relevant since I originally found it weeks ago.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Billy Ray Cyrus plays a doctor on Pax TV
Where's that homecoming queen so I can borrow her gun? I can't decide which show will be worse, this or "Emeril."

Oh, wait, here's some more entries: a show where parents pick who their daughters should date (hah), and "Who Wants To Be A Princess?" They are sadly NOT kidding about the latter horrific show. Terrifying.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
A scholarship for gay kids who get dumped by their parents. How nice!
What's not nice, however, are the assholes whining that this is destroying parental authority. Hello, if you abandon your kid, you have no say any more!

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Nobody grows up any more until they hit 35.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Sorry, Jon....
In this column, Jon Carroll says that if you are at a crosswalk (walking) and a car stops for you, you should immediately cross because that person has indicated that they have some degree of sanity and are not likely to drive over you. I beg to differ, since I've seen enough cars in this town START SPEEDING UP right when I was in the center of the crosswalk. Hell, I'm just not comfortable crossing the street if there are any cars waiting for me. I don't trust 'em.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Torture by polka

Sunday, September 23, 2001
There's a bunch of lesbians in Shakespeare?
Truth be told, I think at least some stretching is involved here.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Watch when you hit send there, dude.
A principal, perhaps "accidentally", sent a message to parents and students describing his charges as snot-nosed hormonally charged juvenile delinquents.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Is Your Trailer Being Haunted?
Any floating Skoal? Moving eyes on the Velvet Elvis? Levitating car no longer on blocks in the yard?

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Big Mouth Billy Bass on Linux
Also, there's Furby Linux, which has the additional problem of having to "feed" the Furby before you can get your experiment done.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Hey, maybe there was life on Mars.
Conspiracy theorists, this one's for you.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
So much for trying to rid the world of the "Scottish play" curse.
At least, attempts to do so er, ran afoul of the er, elements? (1) several witches canceled the trip due to incidences involving pets, (2) a cameraman mysteriously became ill while filming the ritual and ended up in the hospital, (3) the psychic medium collapsed on the ground after sensing a very very evil spirit and claimed she had been stalked by a crow.

Success rate still unknown.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
For those who wondered awhile back about the Japanese rabbit-with-stuff-on-his-head pages...
there is now an English entry as to what's going on, making the point that yes, the rabbit does like to have stuff sit on his head. (And speaking as a former rabbit owner, you are NOT getting a rabbit to do something it doesn't want to do, so he's right.)

Sunday, September 23, 2001
By this point you've probably forgotten the principal who switched genders.
Originally, I'd found that people were pretty okay with it. Well, predictably and I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, there's some who want to force her out. The kids, however, don't seem to have nearly the issues that the parents do.

On a happier similar note, this teacher has been warmly welcomed back after her sex change.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
In which a frat pledge drowns with a candle in his ass.
Yup, it's old Onion.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Oh, sure, blame AIDS on the single girls.
Swaziland has banned single women from having sex for five years in order to stop the spread of AIDS. "Maidens" can no longer shake hands or wear pants (yeah, like pants are so easy access as opposed to SKIRTS!). Virgins, who we all know are REALLY likely to spread AIDS, must wear a different "do not touch me" tassel from the women in relationships/older than 19. GAG!!!!! ME!!!!!!!! Maybe they should all get a dose of hepatitis G?

Meanwhile, an English headmaster has been keeping track of the virgins at school. Ew, part 2.

Continuing on the topic of sex, this is revisiting from way back when in the good ol' prewar days, when this stuff seemed more crucial *sigh*. Points that I felt should be covered in this include:
1. Bush had no intention of reading the Satcher report.
2. Sex education nowadays amounts a lot to "You do it, you die. Period. Unless of course you're in a monogamous marriage as GOD intended."
3. Major misinformation about STD's and no information about homosexuality, and racist stereotypes! Whee!
4. Given that women used to get married around the time they hit puberty (mid-to-late teens then), and now they hit puberty around 12, they're now expected to have a bunch of sexual feelings and not be able to act on them AT ALL until their mid-to-late 20's. Oy. No-Fucking. Vey. And they wonder why there's so much trouble?

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Three sentence novels

Sunday, September 23, 2001
How'd you like to live in Vagina or Anusville?

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Anne Robinson drag queen afraid to bring that up on the show.
And really, can you blame him?

Sunday, September 23, 2001
My cornfield maze article from a few weeks ago

Sunday, September 23, 2001
How to think like a psychopath
This features the doctor telling Nicole Kidman how a psychopath thinks- it's chilling. The example he gives her is of one watching an accident and being interested and not horrified, then going home and mimicking the upset mother's face in the mirror.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
The most nonsensical thing I'VE EVER SEEN
(look fast, it's an eBay). The offer: to pay someone's travel expenses for them to COME OVER AND KICK YOUR ASS (of course, you won't be trying to defend yourself or anything).

It's up to $455.

AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Update: By now (Monday) of course it's down, but somebody on Metafilter took a screenshot. Man, check the money amount THERE.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Survivor 4 moved from Jordan to Tahiti
In further Survivor 3 news, there are some strange new rules. Instead of dividing into two tribes and then merged into one, they will be divided into three at the merge to befoul alliances (oh, that's real nice). Oh, and Tribal Council will be IN A TREE. I can't wait to see how they do that one. Swiss Family Robinson much?

Sunday, September 23, 2001
The first non-war post in awhile, and you guessed it, it's about reality TV
I had er, less interruptions while watching the finale of Big Brother Thursday night. It was pretty damn funny, and featured the following priceless moments:

(a) Shannon, who had both a boyfriend in the house (Will) and outside (Jim), totally playing the "oh, gee, um, I just can't decide, maybe it's him, maybe it's him" game. She (a) indicated that things were going well with Jim, (b) said she wasn't sure, (c) indicated she'd like to get with Will, (d) indicated she didn't like Will all that much, and finally, (e) back with Will again after he won the money. As someone else said before I could say it, she'll pick him for the bucks and dump him after he's spent it all.

(2) The world's most painful proposal. Mike "Boogie" (Boogie and Bunky? Good God, the names.), wearing a baby blue leather basketball uniform and a bad hat ensemble, an outfit guaranteed to cause him major embarrassment when he watches the tapes in 20 years....well, you knew he was gonna do it when he said he wouldn't have figured him saying this in this outfit...proposed to his house ho, the annoyingly white trash Krista (dumping the waitress gig so "I'm gonna see how this fame thing works out"). They've known each other two months, so it was obvious he was taking this moment to get more attention for himself and his rap band (God help America). She was obviously struck speechless with the shock and horror of the moment, but also obviously felt pinned into er, going along with it. Truth be told, I never actually heard a "Yes" come out of her mouth (she was covering her face when she heard this!), but next thing you know Mike's forcing the ring on her finger and Julie's demanding to see how big it is. Feel pressured much? I don't recall her saying much else beyond casting her vote the rest of the night. I predict that once she realizes that being Mrs. Vanilla Ice II won't help her "fame" career, she'll dump him. I give it two months.

Even scarier? Looking on the Mighty Big TV Big Brother forums, I found a post (by mrsclooney, on page 11 on the finale thread, if that link doesn't work) saying that Mike had said just recently he'd only seen Krista a few times and didn't know if it would work out. GAH! Scary!

(d) The snake versus the rat, part 2.

Congratulations, Will. You are sleaze, and rather bizarre, but hey, you were cute and entertaining, even in that godawful peach tuxedo shirt on the final night (btw, please burn that).

Sunday, September 23, 2001
17 standing O's in 22 minutes
aka, "My reaction to Bush's speech," which will be a rather tedious and stupid entry. But heck, what the hell, it's taken me how long to get around to writing it?

Yeah, I know, I'm sure you've all been waiting with baited breath to hear this one. Truth be told, I wasn't paying so much close attention to it because it really dragged on and on. As Uncle Bob there put it, having a full-on standing O at each sentence sure makes things take long (and, in all honesty, kinda freaks me out large, but we'll get to that later). Listening to a speech by someone who clearly has to speak slowly so he won't screw up more words at a very inappropriate time to do so also didn't help. Sure, he didn't stumble, and good for him, but even if he wasn't having a standing O between sentences, there was no need to pause for 10-15 seconds between the ones not getting the O's. Reminds me of a book I read ("The Late Great Me," I think) where the narrator said that she had fast R (I assume R = response or something) and a teacher of hers had slow R, and thus listening to his speeches drag on was torture for her because she thought so much faster. Well, that was a big issue for me. That and primarily what I wanted to hear was simply, "are we going to war or not?", and he took awhile to get around to that. In the meantime, my roommate, who was feeling similarly bored while waiting through all that, started playing with my bead collection and generally being distracting, and the manager decided that now was an appropriate time to come over and fix the can. So that whole part about war? I pretty much missed it :P Having not really seen the whole thing, I would take a guess that the speech was generally okay in delivery, and he was trying to be personal as far as I could tell, but I'm not exactly feeling reassured that we can get rid of all terrorists in the world either (see below).

I've heard a lot of griping about Hillary doing some eye-rolling/smirking/giggling with Schumer or something during the speech and how she should have shown her unequivocal support for Bush and been respectful instead, etc. Or something like that, anyway. Now I missed most of this apparently, but did see her talking with Schumer- but it didn't look like cheerful giggling to me, just normal conversation. Yeah, it would have been better for her to have kept the expressions to a minimum, but it kinda annoys me how some folks are now "You MUST support him with your whole heart, no matter what your feelings are" about it. Hell, I had a hard time staying dead serious, I'd imagine someone that actually knows and has to deal with him in person and already has a grudge against him that goes beyond my personal Bad Vibes I get probably would have a harder time acting like she didn't feel that way. Regardless of how she really feels about Bush or about war (whatever that is), given her current position she has no choice but to outwardly SAY that she wholeheartedly agrees with him and supports him. But it can be hard to act, you know?

Like I said earlier, the constant standing O's bugged me. Now I don't watch State of the Union at all ever so I can't speak to what Uncle Bob said about them always having standing O's there, but it sure seemed an awful lot like total blind loyalty that night. Like I also said, those in the building pretty much had no choice but to suck his ass regardless of what they may feel, and for all I know they may bicker in private, but what worries me is that attitude spreading into the general non-politician sector. As Wil was mentioning, those that aren't all "Go to war, right NOW!" are getting the bitchout. Even if, say, they're saying stuff akin to "Hey, let's do something, but not go all the way into major war." I find this scary. Are we losing our right to disagree here? Not officially, no, but peer pressure seems to be on. Which is just freaky to me, especially when in all honesty it does not matter one iota whether or not I wholeheartedly support Bush or want his head on a stick. Doesn't matter. I have no power with regards to this. Most of us don't.

So why attack people who don't have any power, either? I don't get it.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
The Military Codename Generator
It goes by region and nature of attack. Ergo, nuking Canada would get you "Desert Strike" (huh?) or "Noble Spring" (I repeat that huh?). "Vigilant Heaven" is if you nuke the UK, "Steel Zone" for nuking Australia, and "Noble Hope" for nuking Afghanistan.

Man. Who thinks up this stuff?

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Sign a card to go with a free teddy bear
The Vermont Teddy Bear company is so nice.

I just wish I could think of something to say on a card that isn't totally trite.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Oh, this just sucks.
Three Arab-Americans were KICKED off their plane by the passengers. Yes, they'd been cleared for takeoff, but the passengers wouldn't let the plane take off with them in it. *sigh*

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Amazingly, I can get to the articles on the attack in the NY Times Magazine without the annoying "sign in or register."
For the moment, anyway. I'm sure they'll probably do something to prevent that ASAP :P

While you can still look, the ones I liked were The Image, about distancing yourself from the disaster by taking a nice photo, then realizing you weren't distanced and safe after all, The Technology, which makes the point of "how can they be unrescueable if we're still talking to each other right now?" and The Thrill, about the clarity of troubled times sweeping away our usual fluff.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Aww, that's so sweet: free college for victims' children

Sunday, September 23, 2001
So much for duck and cover
Speaking as a native Californian who grew up under the duck and cover regimen in schools, this is terrifying: a guy says that according to his studies, those that ducked and covered in a collapsing building ALL died. However, anybody who say, put themselves next to a table, bed, what have you, actually survives. Spooky.

Though I have to say that it does make me feel better for when during the Loma Prieta, instead of running towards a table to D&C under, I just did it where I was standing- right under a fan.

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Ooops, uh, we lost him...

Saturday, September 22, 2001
More box cutters found on two flights

Saturday, September 22, 2001
Peace flags

Saturday, September 22, 2001
More worried students not wanting to go into battle
And realizing we're not invincible.

And losing the illusion that the worst has already passed.

And what's happening to ironic humor? (A bit about The Onion here too.)

Saturday, September 22, 2001
An audience's reaction to seeing the WTC in film
Our film critic said that at a recent showing, the entire audience went dead quiet at a similar (or same? I'm not sure which movie this is) shot.

Saturday, September 22, 2001
If someone tries to hijack this plane, everyone get up and start throwing things at him!

Saturday, September 22, 2001
The advent of terror sex.

Saturday, September 22, 2001
No more heels, getting a cellphone and a flag
Themes of the day, I guess.

Saturday, September 22, 2001
Opening monologue of The Daily Show post-attack.
Oh, I wish I could see this show more often than next to never. I like this guy. I love how he indicates how another shaken TV host and how TV is redundant and just wait until the Survivors show up (seriously, I'm surprised none of them have been heard from on TV yet. Note the yet.).

Saturday, September 22, 2001
Six options between war and peace
There's the (1) Gandhi- no military action, (2) Kojak- have the cops hunt down the perpetrators, (3) Bronson- be vigilantes, (4) Bugs Bunny ("of course you realize this means war")- war limited to the conspirators and henchmen, (5) Caesar- long war, or (6) Strangelove- nuke 'em all.

I'm agreeing with the author that I'd prefer 2, 3 or 4 (in that order of preference) and that what I want is a more focused mission than it looks like we're gonna get. I figured when I first heard about this on That Day that would be what we would do, not a full-blown war. I don't have a lot of faith that a war on terrorism can be won. Monster with too many heads sprouting, you know?

Saturday, September 22, 2001
Then and Now
We have a series at work called "Then and Now" that updates old stories once a week. By now I'm pretty tired of the whole thing, as it's been going for years. This article, however, has more of a point about "then"- i.e. when Marjie was angry over a chair of all things- and "now" when it's hard to give a damn. Getting back to normal isn't exactly possible in all respects.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
How long will it be before we can make fun of leaders again?
The Straight Dope board people have been trying to help The Onion in its return by suggesting possible WTC stories. This thread is HILARIOUS. Subjects include how to replace the towers with subjects like Donald Trump and a big armed robot, WTC Survivor (yeah, I know it's gross), depleting the tragedy metaphor reserves, Britney is terror enough, Cindy Crawford donates lipstick, Aaliyah's in the smoke, scared handmade blankets, Chicago gets attitude about being "dissed", Tom marries Ricky because nobody'll notice and all Americans asked to flip the bird in the direction of Afghanistan.

Meanwhile, BBSpot already got started with the funny.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
The plight of fluffy little magazines during wartime

Thursday, September 20, 2001
Watch out on Saturday, you guys...
Hollywood was freaking out. And they're worrying about having the Golden Gate Bridge and other California landmarks blown up.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
Trying to not be seen as an Arab by shaving his beard
What a contrast between how this guy sees himself and how the outside world sees him now. Sad.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
Oh, sure, NOW you want gays in the military?
Of course, after the war is over, we'll immediately go back to kicking them out. The Metafilter comments are saying stuff akin to "on the upside, maybe they'll all get killed" and "that's how gays can donate blood."

Thursday, September 20, 2001
A ten-year war.
Oh good god.

Update: And then the next day, I find this saying that he's not seeking a declaration of war. On the one hand, GOOD. But now I'm confused and wondering what to believe.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
Maybe if we ask him politely and don't force him, he'll go away on his own.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
Lessons from the recent wars. Note especially the War on Drugs section.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
A list of some of the countries and groups that hate the US.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
So much for that World War 3 miniseries idea
And then there's the guy who says God wants his movie featuring blown up buildings to be in the theaters immediately. Right place at the right time? Ye gods.

Thursday, September 20, 2001
The ultimate solution
Let's have a war on heaven. Why, you ask? He's got a list of what God did to us before Osama came along, God doesn't seem to care so much, and then there's that odd sentence about how people have to offer him praise if anyone survives.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
The battle plan

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Yay! He doesn't want to bring back the draft!

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Terrorism is here to stay
Unless the world becomes a police state, anyway.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Now back to Godspell!
His response to the letter at the top and its lovely sense of timing is just priceless. And I'd like to see some of God's caring, too. Dan rocks the house.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
US rejects Taliban's offer to meet about bin Laden.
And decided to move troops in instead. Now it's "Operation Infinite Justice." Whatever that means.

Update: Looks like that name may be a scrapper, as it might offend Muslims who believe that only Allah can mete out infinite justice. Man, do they even do research or ask before announcing these things? Good move that they're changing it, but still, it's a sensitive issue!

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
I'm agreeing with this...
While I do think some action should be taken because they'll keep up the terrorist acts if we don't, I don't necessarily want full blown out war either.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Ted Rall is brilliant.
Answering the questions of how much should you hurt, even if it might not have affected you directly.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Pat Robertson interviews someone who used to be Muslim.
Then, predictably given where he's being interviewed, he saw the love of Jesus. Ai. Yi.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Not only going over the "reality shows a goner?" question...
but wondering if people will want to put up with Spin City's bumbling mayor compared to Giuliani. Interesting thought there.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Nice situation to put people into, isn't it?
Baltimore TV anchors were forced to read messages conveying full support for Bush's actions, whether they want to or not.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Brilliant move.
A flight attendant who just didn't wanna fly that day decided to get out of it by making a fake bomb report. I hope they can his dumb ass so he won't have to deal with flying. Ever.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Hijackers on a fifth (canceled at the last minute) flight?

Wednesday, September 19, 2001
What happens if planes fly into nukes?

Wednesday, September 19, 2001

Some people have complained about how I used quotes on this page. Given the nature of the complaints and what others have told me with regards to legal issues, I will (unless I'm an idiot and forget) no longer be quoting anyone on this page.