little ms. "sweet and innocent."

Monday, August 13, 2001
The papers have spoken, Gary, it's time for you to go.
Three newspapers printed editorials today saying that they think Condit should resign from office- his hometown paper and the Modesto and Fresno Bees.

Modesto: "This newspaper, which endorsed him in all of his previous contested elections, will almost certainly never endorse him again."

Fresno: "Throughout the much-publicized disappearance of Chandra Levy, we have attempted to give Condit the benefit of the doubt while urging him to speak publicly in detail about his involvement. He has refused to do that, even while disturbing details about his conduct became public. Still Condit has offered no defense, and that forces us to the conclusion that he should resign at once.
We take this step not because of the many alleged affairs Condit reportedly has engaged in. That's his private business, a matter between him and his family. But we think his serious and several abuses of the trust of the public make him no longer fit to serve.
The question of whether Condit should remain in office is no longer even a close call."

Condit has put out a whiny reply which seems to miss the editorials' points entirely. "It is terribly unfair and disappointing that the Bee would have come to any decision about me without first allowing the investigation to continue and hearing what I have to say. "The Bee's taking one line of a statement from the D.C. police out of context will not change the fact that I have provided information to those who actually might be able to find Chandra Levy" (And it took HOW LONG for you to get around to doing it? And to stop lying about it?) "as opposed to those in the media who do not have that responsibility.
"Finally, it is sad that the Bee did not appreciate my desire to talk and spend some time with my wife and children before I sat down for any public interview." How long is the world supposed to wait to find out the truth, especially when time is of the essence? "When I bloody well FEEL LIKE IT" is not acceptable, especially when it comes to talking to the police. Given Condit's general disregard for the law, I'm agreeing with the papers: he should go. Not that he will resign, of course.

Monday, August 13, 2001
Resurrecting some cool old features
The above link is a nice homeschooling article (I was just working on a homeschooling thing for my paper, so it's on my mind). There's also the why there's not much male contraceptive work going on article, and how not to get busted for being a kid.

"Do not cuss in school. Freedom of speech does not apply to students.
Do not write any newspaper articles about being gay, lesbian or different from "normal white kids." This could lead to Will Perkins or Ed Bircham slandering you on the Chuck Baker radio show, or even Focus on the Family President James Dobson calling you perverted on his internationally-syndicated radio program.
Do not put any bumper stickers on your car. The police might believe this gives them probable cause to harass you and search your vehicle.
Do pretend to closely read the Ten Commandments that are posted at your school every day. This will make authorities believe that you are squeaky clean. Suspend all judgment or strong feelings you may have about separation of church and state, despite what your government teacher taught you last year.
Even if it's the weekend and you are 100 miles away from school, do not act rashly or do anything a kid might do. Remember: Big Brother Is Always Watching You and You Could Still Be Apprehended and Punished by the School Authorities."

Monday, August 13, 2001
Ironminds is dead.
See, I told you that when they started printing less stuff during the summer that they were dying off. Sounds less like dot-bomb and more like the editors want to do another mag, though. They claim another writer there will be resurrecting it "soon", and I'd like to believe it, but I know better. By the way, that "long-planned break" thing Salon's doing this week? Suspicious much, even if they just got more money?

Monday, August 13, 2001
The freak test
Surprisingly, I don't think I am one; it judges on how outspoken you are in public when you think oppositely to the rest.

Monday, August 13, 2001
I can't believe someone came up with a children's book about this.

Monday, August 13, 2001
The anonymous message server
The message I got was that someone had an STD. Joy.

Monday, August 13, 2001
I wanna go to this!
"Like when they did Nude on the Moon, and the Hill Country Nudists arrived totally naked. Or at Xanadu, when women showed up in roller skates and leg warmers and people sang all the songs out loud. Or the Christmas show when the Mr. Sinus guys passed out milk and cookies and solicited holiday memories from the audience to turn into a chorus. Someone shared how his Christmas presents were destroyed in a fire; the resulting ditty was "What I Got for Christmas I Never Learned, 'Cause What I Got for Christmas Just Got Motherfuckin' Burned."

Friday, August 10, 2001
Diet or lose your job
On the one hand, the safety thing is a big issue. On the other hand, six months is a way too short timeline to lose weight if you're obese.

Friday, August 10, 2001
Man. WHAT a parental moment.
"Also because it has Jim's dad (Eugene Levy), the world's most understanding and supportive parent, who meets his son in the emergency room during the most embarrassing and humiliating evening of the kid's life (and remember, this is the kid who made love on the Internet), and tells him, "I'm proud of you, son."

Friday, August 10, 2001
I can't believe they're serious about this.
"Schools across Britain are being asked to let children jump together in their playgrounds to help kick start Science Year.
At 11am on 7 September, children will jump for a minute in a nation-wide experiment. Scientists want to measure the impact on machines used to monitor earthquakes."

Friday, August 10, 2001
The duck tape prom winners
Who knew they made yellow duct tape?

Friday, August 10, 2001
Beards in politics

Friday, August 10, 2001
I'm not normally into the Walden thing, but I kinda liked this story.
Especially the whole "risking death by lava" thing.

Friday, August 10, 2001
A happy brain tumor story

Friday, August 10, 2001
Why filters are stupid
Supplied by Jan.

Friday, August 10, 2001
The true source of the Planet of the Apes ending?
Sure looks that way at least, doesn't it?

Friday, August 10, 2001
I somehow don't think what this guy did was all THAT bad, actually
"Dyer apparently received some of the information from state archives that he had access to only because he is a graduate student at the University of Iowa, and had promised to use the information only for scholarly research.
In the aftermath of the story's publishing, Dyer was castigated in print by his editor for his methods and quit shortly thereafter.
Still, other reporters have gathered information without representing themselves entirely truthfully -- and they have won journalism's highest honors.
Charlie LeDuff helped the New York Times win a Pulitzer Prize last year by working for a month in a slaughterhouse in North Carolina and writing about race relations among the workers. LeDuff wrote: "This reporter was hired using his own name and acknowledged that he was currently employed, but was not asked where and did not say."
Mother Jones won a National Magazine Award in part with a story on offshore banking havens. As part of the story, reporter Ken Silverstein went to the Bahamas and took steps to open an account, never divulging that he was a journalist after a story.
And restaurant critics, among others, do it all the time, sometimes even wearing wigs and using credit cards issued to fake identities so they may dine undetected."

Friday, August 10, 2001
Oh, how I'd just like to kill Bush right now.
I suppose we're "lucky" he relented this much on sucking the pro-life teat, but please: this just isn't going to help as much, perhaps NEARLY as much. You asshole, how can you make people wait to have their lives saved just to preserve some fricking embryos that aren't going to become babies?! So much for saving some of my family members in time.

"President Bush's decision to limit embryonic stem cell studies to existing sets -- whether it's 60 or a dozen -- could be a "cruel compromise" excluding people from medical miracles promised by the new science, researchers say.
They said that only by studying stem cells from many different embryos can science be sure that treatments developed would be universally available. By limiting the number, they said, there is the risk of creating two biological classes -- those who can be treated with stem cell therapy and those who cannot.
And they questioned whether there are actually 60 usable stem cell lines, as the president said. Before his Thursday night speech, scientists had estimated there were 12 stem cell lines, including some that would not meet strict research guidelines.
But most researchers say that even 60 is not enough and that it could well take hundreds of embryonic cell lines to harvest the full benefit of cell therapy."

"A man purporting to be president of the United States..."
"In his talk, Bush used the word "moral" at least six times....He seemed to suggest that the president is the de facto religious leader of the nation, or that at least he is.
Dan Rather told viewers that the isseus involved in embryonic research were very complicated and then, with astonishing candor, continued: "It's the kind of subject that frankly, radio and television have some difficulty with, because it requires such depth into the complexities of it. So we can, with, I think, impunity, recommend that if you're really interested in this, you'll want to read, in detail, one of the better newspapers tomorrow." Yipe! Has any network anchor ever made that kind of admission and recommendation before?" Told ya TV news was crap!

Update (from Screenshot): "While they welcomed President George W. Bush's decision to allow federally funded research on existing human embryonic stem cells, scientists said last night that they were mystified by Bush's claim that there are more than 60 such stem cell lines now available worldwide for use.
"I don't know of 60 existing cell lines," said Douglas Melton, professor of cellular and molecular biology at Harvard University and a specialist on stem cells. He said the published scientific literature involves only about 10 lines, some of which don't grow well in culture and are, he said, "largely useless."

Last month, the National Institutes of Health conducted a detailed survey and found 30 cell lines, some of which did not come from embryos and which therefore might not be as useful. Douglas Melton, a leading researcher and chairman of Harvard University's department of molecular and cellular biology, said that only 10 of those lines had been described in scientific publications and that little was known about the others.
"And some of those 10 cell lines don't grow well at all and are largely useless," Melton said. "There are only one or two that I know of that are helpful." Moreover, he said, private companies hold the rights to some of the existing cell lines, and they are not willing to share them on terms that academic researchers can accept.
"Those existing cell lines were generated with old technology," said Evan Snyder, another leading researcher, who works at Children's Hospital in Boston. "What if next week we find a new gene or growth factor that creates stem cells that are safer and more effective? The president has banned them" from being used in federally funded experiments. The decision also has the potential to spark a battle with Congress. A majority of lawmakers in both the House and Senate had asked Bush to fund the research. Several senators have been pushing for a far broader set of research rules than Bush adopted, and Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) said Thursday night that the Senate would likely review Bush's stance." (YAY!)
"Nearly all of those embryos were created by patients at fertility clinics. These patients commonly create more embryos than they need to produce a child and discard the extras. Instead, some patients had donated their embryos to privately funded researchers, who had extracted the stem cells."

And here's a good Q and A that explains it all: "Brain researchers want stem cells to "mature" into new neurons that can replace cells that died in the brains of people with Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), Huntington's disease and many others.
Heart specialists are eager to replace heart muscle tissue damaged by coronary artery disease. Stem cell science seems to offer a way to do that.
Doctors combatting diabetes want a source of Beta cells, the small population of cells on the pancreas that make insulin. The dream is to replace Beta cells that have died, protect the new cells from harm, and thus cure diabetes.
Blood specialists want stem cells for bone marrow transplants, to combat anemia, restore immunity and combat cancers such as lymphoma and leukemia. Adult bone marrow stem cells are already being studied, but embryonic stem cells may be more versatile and useful.Once the science matures, the economic impact should be tremendous. Degenerative brain diseases, plus strokes, heart disease, cancer and many chronic ailments may be amenable to treatment with cells, rather than drugs. If true, the savings in medical expenses alone, plus the changes in people's time lost from work, will be huge."

Friday, August 10, 2001
I'm not into pot, but he's got a point.
Really, at the least they could chill out on the medical marijuana thing.

"There is good reason for this, since it makes little sense to send people to jail for using a drug that, in terms of its harmfulness, should be categorized somewhere between alcohol and tobacco on one hand and caffeine on the other. According to common estimates, alcohol and tobacco kill hundreds of thousands of people a year. In contrast, there is as a practical matter no such thing as a lethal overdose of marijuana."

Friday, August 10, 2001
More fucked up stars in the galaxy of fame

Friday, August 10, 2001
For those of you who always wondered...
what happens when you "speak now" instead of forever holding your piece at weddings, it definitely ain't like in the movies.

Friday, August 10, 2001
Why there's early birds/night owls
Interesting to me, given my natural night-owlness combined with my 7 a.m. job now..."A new sleep study suggests that some people qualify as "night owls" or "early birds" not just by personality or schedule, but also because of their own internal sleep/wake cycles. Not everyone's is exactly 24 hours, and the key lies in the difference.
"We found, again, a range of cycle lengths with the shorter ones tending to be the morning types and the longer ones tending to be evening types," Dr. Jeanne Duffy, of Brigham and Women's hospital said. Morning types also tend to wake up later in their daily cycles, and have shorter ones than evening types. The night owls have an easier time with the rotating schedules or shift work, because they can sleep during the day.
"Morning types tend to have a much harder time staying up beyond their normal bedtime. While they can get up early in the morning they have trouble staying up late at night," Duffy said.
Then there are people like (Brunner) who went from getting up at 3 in the morning to a job that begins at 3 in the afternoon. And while it wasn't easy, her body did adjust after a few weeks. So she is probably neither a morning nor an evening type -- which is true for about half of us. Twenty percent of the population are moderate morning types and moderate evening types and then there are 5 percent who are the extreme morning types and the extreme evening types. And "extreme" can have its advantages."

Friday, August 10, 2001
Cat Man
EW, freaky. "He holds down a 80,000-a-year computer programming job which enables him to fund the surgery, the Daily Record reports." He must be really good for them to let him er, come into work like this. Assuming he DOES go into work like that.

Friday, August 10, 2001
National Psychic Week
This reminds me of "National Brotherhood Week" for some mysterious reason. I somehow imagine Tom Lehrer could have written about this if he was still interested in writing songs.

Friday, August 10, 2001
Yes, there are Vampire Condoms.
"Top 10 Reasons To Use Vampire Condoms:
1. Black goes with anything.
2. You don't conform - why should your condoms?
3. Vampires are legendary for their endurance.
4. Gives you a good excuse to leave just before dawn.
5. What's romantic about wooden horses or dead Egyptians?
6. Seductive power of Vampires is well documented.
7. A stranger can give you worse things than a stake through the heart.
8. Great conversation starter and ice breaker.
9. Matchbook case won't leave a ring in your wallet.
10. Vampires always get invited inside."

Friday, August 10, 2001
Boss nickname creator

Friday, August 10, 2001
Sometimes I think that people with laser pointers just don't have enough to do.

Friday, August 10, 2001
Oooh, a new vampire hunter on Angel
He's playing Holtz, a vampire hunter from the past who has come to the 21st century to settle scores with the title character (David Boreanaz). By the way, the fact that "Angel" executive producer (with "Buffy" creator Joss Whedon) David Greenwalt worked on "Profit" is no accident.
"He was a decent family man," says Greenwalt of the character, "but he also became a fearless vampire killer. He particularly hunted Angel and Darla across half of Europe in the late 1700s, and they reciprocated by eating his wife and children, because they thought that would be funny."
"So he has a special vendetta against them."
Convinced by a demon that he had no chance of killing Angel -- then evil and known as Angelus -- in the 1700s, Holtz accepted an offer to be put to sleep until the present.
Played with an English accent, he nevertheless, according to Greenwalt, has "something of the long duster coat and the Wild West about him." Sounds cool! Looking forward to him.

Friday, August 10, 2001
Groupie Central Advice
Groupie Central in general is one scary site, where you can find out the sexual proclivities of every musician and how long their dicks are. Oy vey. The advice column, however, is just such a world of pain. When will people EVER learn that screwing a musician and thinking he'll want to see them again (much less for life) will never ever happen?

Friday, August 10, 2001
What if Romeo and Juliet had lived?
"Their love could have lasted for all time. Or, he could have dumped her six months later for some hussy called Violetta.
Once a famous couple becomes a fixture, the public can't bear to witness their relationship fall apart." I just find this amusing because I wrote a R&J alternate history play of how he hooked up with some hussy called Violetta...but nah, they couldn't have read it, I think!

Friday, August 10, 2001
The most informative STD column I've EVER seen.
Seriously, folks, if you have sex, read this. I suspect a lot of people weren't so well-educated (if you got ANY sex ed) on STD's and what exactly is going on with contagion, etc. And surprisingly, this tells you EXACTLY what goes on.

I have to admit that this part I'm quoting here shocks and worries me. Badly, actually. I can't believe some doctors are actually promoting people not knowing if they're infecting someone or not. What if the person bumping uglies might want to watch their risk of HPV for some reason? I don't think a total lack of knowledge is a great idea; diseases are becoming widespread for a reason, you know? I don't think it's great to keep people thinking that so long as they boink someone who's not having an outbreak, they're fine.
"Should HPV tests be part of routine STD screenings for asymptomatic individuals? Cox doesn't think so. Certainly, he says, people who want to know for sure whether they are HPV-positive have a right to know. But here's the rub: While some asymptomatic HPV infections are transmissible, not all of them are (it may depend on factors such as how severe a case the carrier originally had or how much time has passed since the initial infection) and again, some will resolve themselves quite quickly and therefore pose no risk of transmission any longer.
We don't have a treatment for HPV, only for the lesions caused by the virus, Cox says. We can't even treat asymptomatic disease [if it hasn't resulted in cellular changes in the cervix]. We don't know, when someone tests positive for HPV but exhibits no symptoms or cell changes, whether he or she is truly contagious or not. We don't know if they'd only shed virus from the parts of the genitalia that can be easily protected with a condom, or whether they'd shed from the outer parts of the vulva or the scrotum as well. And we don't know, even if they're contagious at first, whether they'll remain contagious.
So what does it mean to be positive for HPV if you're asymptomatic? The significance may be different for every case, he says. So discovering that you're HPV-positive without knowing how, where or when you're contagious wouldn't seem to have a lot of genuine medical or preventive value. Of course, all patients who are sexually active with serial partners should be urged to use condoms regardless of whether they get tested for HPV. But you can't tell a quarter of the population to abstain from sex even from sex with condoms when they're not symptomatic.
Cox says he is much more worried about HPV hysteria than the disease itself. Cox says again, Just because you test positive doesn't necessarily mean you have transmissible disease. What are we going to do with the public psyche? We'd run the risk of mass hysteria without being able to provide people with any real medical or practical solutions. How can we tell them how to prevent it if we don't know from where they're shedding virus? Or even if they're shedding virus, for that matter? There's just no realistic way of knowing and again, you can't tell a quarter of the population to stop having intercourse.
But Wald rejects arguments like Coxs: Physicians are using that rationale as an excuse not to test people, and it's a patronizing view. Testing for herpes doesn't necessarily have to be pushed on people routinely, but we should at least be letting patients know that the tests are available. A person has the right to know that, even if they're asymptomatic, they have the potential to transmit this virus to their partners. That doesn't mean they will or should become abstinent, she points out. Rather, she believes such knowledge may prompt them to have more open discussions with their partners about their sexual practices and make more informed decisions about whether they will use condoms." Damn straight.

Friday, August 10, 2001
Why there are no women-focused comics
"Let's face it, women know what women like. If men knew what women like... (Laughs) I was about to make a dirty joke, but maybe I won't. (Laughs) If only men knew what women like, we'd all be happier today! I'm firmly convinced that men don't have a clue what women like to read, and I'm firmly convinced they don't care. And you know what? That's okay, because if they had their way we'd all like football, you know what I'm saying? And that's fine. But I've yet to see a comic book in the United States, in my entire adult life, being done by a man, that was of real, solid interest to girls or women. I don't know, maybe the Archie comics. There are a couple of comics that sell well to women, things like Strangers in Paradise, but nothing, nothing has been done in years and years and years and years in the American comics industry that could be considered a girls' comic. Not a thing. For better or for worse, I can't recall any comic qualifying as a comic for girls that was popular. If it doesn't appeal to men in some way, here in the States, it doesn't get published. Even when they publish comics about female superheroes, there's generally a certain amound of prurient interest involved. That's fine, and it's a free country, but...
There are some comics that are being done that they call girls' comics, I guess; the Powerpuff Girls qualify. But I'd have to say that probably most of the people buying it are men... That's okay, but the girls' comics market really doesn't exist in this country. I'd have to say that half the readers on A Distant Soil are men, and I would be reluctant to market it as a girls' comic because my sales would tank.
SG: I think it's very unusual for a comic to get a 50% female readership here, much less an 80-90% female readership."

Friday, August 10, 2001
Straight guys and their gay issues
Weird how this seems to be a theme on the net in the last few days. The above article reminds me of the Jay and Silent Bob movie thing in that that movie is dealing with guys who are freaked at the idea and yet are kinda tempted towards it deep down.

This quote, while not hugely relevant to the above summary, was something I found interesting. "Last year, a campaign article remarked about Bill Bradley that, while his Princeton dorm mates partied hard, he used to sit in his room listening to "My Fair Lady." No aspiring young future presidential candidate would be caught dead today sitting in his room listening to "Cats" or "Les Miserables"; he'd be instantly labeled a "fag." Musical comedy has become so much the province of the gay world that a friend of mine, a gifted writer, told me he won't write about his passion for Stephen Sondheim's musicals because of the suspicions he's afraid it will engender."

On a similar note, a debate about "straight-acting" gay guys. "This particular discussion started when Jon mentioned he uses the phrase "straight-acting" to describe himself in his PlanetOut profile. My gut reaction to that phrase is "Do you (want to) have sex with men? Then you're not straight acting. Find a better way to describe what you mean." Jon acknowledged that it's not an ideal phrase, but challeneged me to offer a suitable replacement, equally succinct and clear. I offered "butch," although it's not quite the same, but really thought that if Jon or anyone took the time to actually describe whatever it is about himself that he considers "straight," he'd be doing himself and everyone else a great service. Of course, Amir (the Harvard-educated doctor in the group, the one who was particularly stuck on the idea of how-it-is not how-it-should-be) insisted that "straight-acting" is the best term available to get Jon's point across, so why bother trying to avoid it? It's dangerous for gay men to perpetuate both the idea that we can only define ourselves in relationship to how straight people act, and the idea that gay men who are queeny are part of a different (read: lower) class than those who are not."

Contrasting with all of this is the "post-straight." "Though the adventure often stops at the bedroom door (or bathroom stall), these men see gays as people to be emulated rather than shunned. And they no longer accept their straightness exactly as it was handed to them. It's not their sexuality that post-straight men have come to question, but the identity that goes with it. They are experiencing gay liberation without the gay part."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Some good points about Small Town X
"G.D. is NOT a good suspect; he is NOT an organized person, and a serial killer who has gotten to this point IS. Clear him... now. He's useful for information, but he's no ORGANIZED killer." (That and we know that anyone arrested in Episode 2 HAS to be innocent!)
"Leita Rose-Blodgett is NOT a good suspect either. She has not the strength or stamina to dig up Oscar's grave. Cross her off, or at least put her on the back burner. This is evidence in her favor the team has overlooked." (Eh, she got cleared in Episode 3).
"The 1971 incident of the Bonnie Rose and death of Oscar Blodgett should also eliminate many of the people as prime suspects. This was 30 years ago. Many suspects were not even conceived of then. It's a big point in the younger suspects favor." (Good point! Not that I think the boyfriend and "best friend" did it anyway, even if she's a sicko.)
"Ferry owner G.D. has conceded a debt to the murdered family, and shows he has NO control, something the killer has. He was also in jail when the latest killer game was played. He's more valuable as a witness and source than as a suspect."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Danger Island: another killer reality show!

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Always ready!
EW. Ugh and ew. I don't think even Monica would wear those.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Cleopatra costumes through the ages
What she probably would have worn, versus what costumes people just made up.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
The Tattoo Baby Doll Project
This one is my sweet and innocent favorite. Girly-girl, of course.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Lurid Paperback of the Week

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Biased against girls
"Babbit hadn't intended for the scene to be quite so dark, but the two young actors, Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall, refused to do nudity. "It's hard to do a love scene when the actors are fully clothed. I'd ask, 'Can't we just show this part or that part?' and they'd go, 'No, it's too fa-a-at.' I was so frustrated I even suggested using some of my body parts." (Isn't that sad?)
"She says her MPAA contact told her that the board had a problem with teenage girls having orgasms or talking about them. When Burson countered that they didn't seem bothered by teenage boys' orgasms, she says she was told the MPAA's job is to make viewing recommendations to parents, and that since most American parents have a different standard for their sons than for their daughters, the MPAA must maintain that double standard as well." Can you BELIEVE that??

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
everything's fake but the deaths

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Oh great.
"Of the negative ones, Ferrer says most have involved teens, an observation that's consistent with the study's finding that 14-to 21-year-old survivors have far more negative experiences than those in other age groups."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
The Wayne Brady Show
"Brady not only pokes merciless fun at boy bands, but then shamelessly has Justin Timberlake guest starring and singing in an improv skit.
May I be the first to announce that, when not surrounded by the rest of his boy band, Timberlake sounds as bad as Linda McCartney did when Howard Stern would isolate her voice from the rest of "Wings." (As though Wings wasn't bad enough without her!)" Yup, I watched it tonight. Not bad. The boy band parody cracked me up because the song was "Your Mom Is Hot." And in all honesty, Justin don't sing too good. Rather er, girlish and toneless voice, and what was with the random noises he was making into the mike for no good reason? However, I do have to give him improv props for slipping a Violet Beauregard reference into the song.

Moments I liked was the fast-food skit, in which Wayne's a trainee at a fast food joint and the customer mistakes him for a native African ("Oh, I LOVE Africa! I saw The Lion King a buncha times!"), after which a shocked Wayne decides to play speaka no English with him. I love when he pantomimes that the manager's taking a crap. There was a Chris Rock as Annie number, which, well, went about as you'd expect. I did wonder why the heck the improv with Darrel Hammond went as it did- they did the scene over and over again as different people, but Wayne kept having to do some wild black singer most of the time (except for Cartman!) while Darrel was playing some staid white guy (Johnny Carson, Ted Koppel), AND they only got to do each bit for like 30 seconds. Eh?

Incidentally, I think Wayne might be the only celebrity I'd want to interview. Here's why: "Brady's niceness isn't just for the show. Last fall when he was suppose to do a phone interview with the News-Sentinel, he didn't make the call. A few days later, he phoned out of the blue, apologized profusely and explained he had been sick for days.
He then gave out his home number and cell phone number, offering to do an interview anytime, anywhere to make up for the one that did not come through. "It's called just being courteous," Brady explained." Now if everyone treated reporters with such courtesy, we'd all be happier. (Not that I'm biased...yeah, right, of course I'm biased!)

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Some Japanese folks can be WEIRD.
The above link (these were all found on the Bad Hair Days forum) is pretty gross, but these are cuter and funnier: a bunny wearing food! Hilarious! If you keep clicking on the links on these pages, you'll find TONS AND TONS AND TONS of silly objects put on this rabbit's head. I was going to link to all of them, but the list just got too long. But if you're easily amused like me (and/or like bunnies), it's worth it. I was looking at these things to cheer me up after damn Dubya screwed over the stem cell research. It almost helped.

And onto more Japanese weirdness, look at how they break up with people.
"I assigned a female agent familiar with the target’s (boyfriend’s)line of work, and she approached him disguised as a businesswoman,” Mr Ohta said. “The operative won his trust and they became friends, but the target didn’t show much interest in her. At that point the agent introduced a friend and the three went to a karaoke bar together.”
This new, attractive friend diverted the target’s interest away from the client. They went on dates — until the client stopped paying the fees. By then the client was satisfied that the irksome boyfriend was off her back."

And one more: Japanese temple holds funeral service for retired pachinko machines. Er, what?

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
They don't seem to care about getting caught anymore
Were they EVER? And no, I don't think Jenna's really a lesbian, but I kinda wish it were true just to be funny. Mary Cheney hasn't exactly had an impact, after all...

This I want to see: "Trey Parker and Matt Stone of South Park fame, plan on turning their small screen "Dubya" into a big-screen feature entitled George Bush & the Secret of the Glass Tiger! There's no word yet on whether or not Bottoms will reprise the title role for the movie. Stone told Variety that George Bush & the Secret of the Glass Tiger will transform Dubya "into a superhero who battles the enemies of the country, in this case the Chinese. ... We want it to look like a John Woo action movie." I can see the picket lines forming already.
Expect some changes to be made for the big screen Bush. Stone and Parker were forbidden from using the President's twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara, in the TV show. Variety reports that the "twins will be front and center as party animals in the movie" and that they'll "get kidnapped by the Chinese, fueling Bush's drive for revenge." Hah! Sounds great!

This site doesn't seem to work as intended (it just goes through an incredibly fast loop over and over again when I've tried to use it), but at least what you see is funny.

And, I guess, to continue with the family bashing, there's this (note: in the future, check the archives to find a permanent link) article bashing Laura. I don't hate her or anything, but I agree with this guy's point: "instead of having someone in the White House writing picture books from the perspective of a dog, a la Barbara Bush, we have someone fighting for Universal Health Care and improved education standards. That Hillary was able to parlay the experience into a Senate seat speaks volumes for what she was able to accomplish, and what sort of bar she set for future First Ladies (or Gentlemen).
But like George Bush's destiny is to reverse the progress of one of our nation's great Presidents, his wife Laura is all set to destroy everything Hillary stood for. Laura is an affront to all women. Laura Bush will set back women's rights 25 years.
I think what bugs me the most about Laura Bush is her failure to ever disagree with her husband, or at the very least to express her own opinion on anything remotely controversial.
Laura must bow down to her husband and be a subservient wench. Listen up ladies. This is the new model. You don't have opinions until your husband does. And don't share them until he does, or you are a bad, bad woman."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
I drank the company Kool-Aid. Too bad my CEO was Jim Jones.
"What has happened," says career counselor Kathye Citron, "is that several months ago, all these people opened their Palm Pilots and sent everyone they knew a message saying, 'OK, I'm looking now.' They didn't hear anything back. So then they went online and sent out a couple hundred resumes. And they didn't hear anything again.
"So then they went on vacations, or thought about going back to school, thinking that within two or three months, this would all be over. And then it wasn't over. So what we're seeing now is a lot of people who have been looking for four, five, six months, asking, 'What do I do now?' "they didn't hear anything again."
"I haven't worked since I was laid off in December," Kevin Korczak, a 34-year-old Web developer, recently told a support group in San Francisco. "I've applied everywhere: Home Depot, as a scheduler for United Airlines. The market is just swamped with people like me. I can't even get work as a temp."
"You have to understand," a 32-year-old new media worker from San Jose confided as she stacked vegetables at the food bank, "this is the longest I've gone without any offers in, like, eight years."
In Berkeley, two 26-year-old techies are offering their Adult Webmaster Classes around the clock to those seeking to broaden their online job skills.
"Hey, fellow dot-bombers," reads their ad on a San Francisco community Web site. "Tired of searching for jobs? Let's be honest, you're never going to get one!" Their product: a $140 do-it-yourself course that teaches the novice how to build a successful Web site to peddle Internet porn."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Shannon on Touched By An Angel? And sounds like the romance is over with her boyfriend.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
No Senator Skupin after all. I'm soooo disappointed.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
In which someone who's never seen West Wing makes predictions about the show,
then watches it to see how much he got right. Note the coffee reference when you read it.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
No show ever got better by a main character having a baby.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
More crap about family programming
"Given that the "family programming" stamp is pulled in so many different directions, it's no surprise that the entertainment industry seems adrift in solving the dilemma, from getting parents to attend "family movies" with their kids or view family series in prime time.
Margaret Loesch, president of Hallmark Channel U.S., which adopted the name of its parent company (it was formerly the Odyssey network), this week noted that for many, the term family has become synonymous with kids programming, a limiting image Hallmark wants to avoid; rather, the goal is to target adults while assuring them they will be presented programs "done with such care and taste that you can have your family watch it with you."

"You remember the TV ratings, don't you? Everybody (except 1st Amendment sticklers and TV networks) was eager to have them back in 1997.
The California group's survey, after all, found that 56% of parents said they have used the ratings to guide viewing choices.
Poppycock--to use a word that would not earn an "L" for bad language.
More precisely, 56% of 800 parents surveyed told their phone questioner that they had used the ratings. The question might as well have been phrased: "Do you want me to think you're a good parent, or a bad one?" It's more amazing that 44% had the courage to say they hadn't.
And when it comes to the V-chip, just 17% of those with chips in their sets report that they use them. Surveyors found that about half of parents didn't even know their new (or newish) sets contained them.
That the V-chip is being ignored at such a rate affirms my belief that people are a lot more interested in complaining about television than they are in doing anything about it."

The print ad for Friday night's "Family Television Awards," shows a family of four -- well, just their feet -- lined up on the couch, all watching the tube together. There are Mom and Dad in their slippers, Junior in his Converse sneakers, little Sis in booties.
These days, that scene is likely to exist only in some parallel-universe America. In the real world, circa 2001, Junior's probably in the basement watching "Crocodile Hunter"; Sis is plugged into "Rugrats" in her room; Dad, in the den, has found a preseason football game on the dish; and Mom's in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. (Some things never change.)" (Bleah!!!!! "Oh well, the woman has to inevitably end up in the kitchen!")
"More and more, television viewers are going their separate ways, lured by dozens or even hundreds of program choices available at any hour of the day or night. At the same time, the concept of TV that's suitable for the whole family to watch together remains a pie-in-the-sky ideal of everyone from parents to politicians.
The problem with throwing around terms like "suitable," "offensive" and even "family-friendly" is that the definition is so subjective.
What you and I consider offensive may be completely different. Maybe I find all kinds of violence repellent but don't mind bedroom scenes (so long as the sex is safe). Maybe you want to keep the bedroom door firmly closed but aren't offended when the wrestlers on "WWF Smackdown" smash one another with folding chairs. Maybe raunchy language pushes your buttons, or maybe you simply want every program to be squeaky-clean enough for a 5-year-old."

What's fun is to compare all of this to this one."BELIEVE IT or not, there is a line beyond which network TV execs will not go. It is to a place so sordid and gross that even they -- with their finely honed sense of exploitation -- dare not wander. So (one anxiously wonders) what is "the line" for Jeff Gaspin, 40, the new executive vice president of alternative series for NBC?
"Here's the only line I've drawn at the moment," he says matter-of-factly in a recent phone interview. "I don't want to make tragedy into entertainment."
Well, that's cold comfort until you realize he already did that 10 years ago, when he fathered a rather bad show for NBC called "I Witness Video," which at the time was TV's evil twin to "America's Funniest Home Videos."
In an interview, Gaspin recalled that he showed a tape of "Factor" to his kids, ages 6 and 8. "They loved it," he said. "I couldn't watch some of it. I thought some of it was horrific, my kids didn't flinch."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Should we open up our AOL CD's, or send them back?
Send them back!

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Defining geek vs. nerd
I find this interesting, mainly because I always think of myself as a nerd and not a geek. I define geek as a computer guru type who can program (while I may love computers, I don't understand them and I haven't been able to comprehend a programming language since BASIC in elementary school), whereas a nerd is just someone smart with no social skills (and probably has glasses, as I do). I guess I don't quite qualify for nerditude, but do in geekitude. Many people tell me I'm just a geek anyway, and I even got inducted into the Girls Geek Club while on vacation, but I still wonder...

"A geek is someone who spends time being "social" on a computer.
Geeks are generally social outcasts from mainstream america. The ranks of geekdom are swelled with gamers, ravers, science fictions fans, punks, perverts, programmers, nerds, subgenii, and trekkies. These are people who did not go to their high school proms, and many would be offended by the suggestion that they should have even wanted to. Geeks prefer to socialize with other geeks, the self proclaimed weird. Therefore they go online to organize parties, food runs, drink runs, and movie nights, and be assured that their companions would rather talk about superheros as modern mythology than the latest football scores.
Take care not to confuse the terms geek and nerd. A nerd is a person with no social skills, usually obsessed with science or technology (geek is more computer specific).
Nerds are known for their pocket protectors, taped glasses, and plaid shirts. Many nerds are also geeks, using the net as a safe screen to hide behind while practicing their social skills. However they rarely come out to be seen in person at live geek events, so there is little reason to be concerned."

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
The Denver Post rocks!
The Denver Post has dropped the Invesco Field moniker for the new Broncos stadium and will refer to it as Mile High stadium.
"The community at large thinks of this as 'Mile High,''new Mile High' or 'the new stadium'," Post Editor Glenn Guzzo said. "Outside of official circles, seldom do you hear Invesco Field, except in negative terms."
Despite public outcry, the Metropolitan Football Stadium District sold the naming rights to Invesco Funds Group in January. The Denver-based mutual funds company will pay $60 million over 20 years to call the stadium Invesco Field at Mile High.
"We would expect and hope as journalists The Post would be accurate and use the full and proper name," Invesco told 9News. "It doesn't seem to be a balanced or fair way to portray the facility."

Bleeeah. I'm sick of companies taking over already named things like this. It's one thing to buy the name at the start like Pac Bell Park, it's another to usurp a traditional name and expect everyone to worship and like it. (Come on, NOBODY calls Candlestick 3Com unless they are forced to.) Cheers for the Denver Post for not conforming to the enforcement!

And what happens when these companies burn out?

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Video game character wonders why heartless God keeps choosing Continue
Ah, ya gotta love the Onion. My favorite for this week, however, is S&M couple won't stop droning on about their fetishes. "How many times can a person discuss cock leashes?"
Orwitz said the only thing worse than the couple's lengthy lectures on the positioning benefits of a wall-mounted restraining swing are the long-winded clarifications about the nature of sadomasochism.
"As Jason is constantly pointing out, it's not S&M that they're into: It's BD/SM, which is bondage-domination and adomasochism,'" Orwitz said. "Apparently, there's a big difference between S&M and B&D. Just ask them. I dare you."
The couple's friends try to avoid topics that might inadvertently lead to discussions of S&M, but the subject always manages to come up.
"It's amazing what will prompt Jason and Gina to talk about sex," Pritchard said. "We had a barbecue last weekend, and I said, 'Pass me the tongs.' So Jason and Gina exchange a knowing look and, before you know it, we're off on an hour-long discussion of how you should put your metal sex toys in the freezer for a few hours before using them."
"Last Friday, Gina was blathering on and on about domination, and I couldn't help but say, 'Well, you're certainly good at conversation domination,'" Engler said. "I can't help but wonder if this S&M thing is all a cover-up for their real fetish: talking to people about fetishes." Hey, at least they're lucky they haven't had to watch it all. This story reminds me of when I went to a party in Santa Cruz and walked in on the hostess demonstrating her Koosh-material cat o' nine tails. Oy vey.

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the pirated mp3's
I'm not normally into Modern Humorist somehow, but I was tickled at their EB spoofs. Having read these things originally, I love how they make Bugs the culprit, have ice cream, how EB knows all the strange facts and nitpicks...and yet it's all so ludicrous and er, updated.

From Encyclopedia Brown and the Dead Child Beauty Queen: "Sally was the prettiest girl in the fifth grade and the toughest, too. She was the only person who could stand up to Bugs Meany, the leader of the local gang, the Tigers. Sally's parents worried that she might be a lesbian."

From Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of Death Row Dubya: "Encyclopedia and Sally both shivered as though they were in the presence of something without soul or conscience. The smirking man spoke. "My name is George W. Bush."

Monday, August 6, 2001
Actual Calls and Letters to Tech Support
Does anyone else ever read these things and think "God, I hope I don't sound that stupid when I call tech support?" I wonder about myself sometimes, especially given the time my printer wouldn't work and my parents were there and they forced me to call tech support in Colorado. It turned out it was slightly ajar or something. Oy. Nowadays I just call my friends, who by rights should expect me to be a computer moron.

Monday, August 6, 2001
The God simulator
These two entries I find funny: After a couple more millenia, it seems as if some of the humans are having difficulty believing You exist, let alone that Jesus is Your son and was resurrected. The problem seems to be that You have not interacted with humans in any tangible way for quite a few centuries and that all the information humans receive about You comes from a collection of ancient and contradictory manuscripts written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek. The humans seem to disagree about how these manuscripts should be interpreted, and this has led to much dispute and even violence.
Another problem is that not everyone has heard of You and Your son, due to geographic and cultural isolation. What can be done about this?
(a) Endow every human with a perfect knowledge of You and Your son.
(b) Allow a bunch of ignorant humans who claim to be Your spokespersons to continue interpreting Your will according to these obscure manuscripts. Allow their numerous absurd and contradictory doctrines to be taught by ignorant humans to other ignorant humans without correction."

"It is next to impossible for an omnipotent God to completely screw things up, but You did. Your actions are matched in absurdity only by the actions of the Christian God Yahweh. You may continue to enjoy the pleasures and happiness of Heaven, while the ignorant humans burn in the Hell You created for them, or You may make everything right again at any time.
As sovereign Lord of the universe, you can do what you wish. Just remember: as omnipotent caretaker of eternity, you are solely responsible for the suffering and evil which any of your creation suffer. Any God who doesn’t fix the problems he allowed to occur is a deadbeat. Either God does not exist, or he is not worthy of our worship."

I'm not an atheist, but the latter surely makes a point. And pisses me off.

In other news, Jesus isn't coming back and yes, God is really a man.

Monday, August 6, 2001
At least she's honest about it.

Monday, August 6, 2001
Disneyland Fashions
Oh. My. God. Vomitous.

Monday, August 6, 2001
Star Wars Meets Rocky Horror
1: After Darth Maul gets sliced by Obi-Wan, audience breaks into a refrain from "Yesterday" -- "Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be..."
When Queen Amidala says, "I will not condone a course of action that will lead to war," shout "The hell you won't! It's not called Star Wars for nothing!"
Whenever Darth Maul says anything shout "OOOh, he's so sinister!"
When Maul is falling down the shaft after being killed by Obi-Wan, yell "WHEE!"
When Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Maul remove their cloaks prior to the final lightsaber duel, yell "Take it all off !!!"
When Qui-Gon is struck by Darth Maul, yell "Oh my god, you killed Qui-Gon!! You bastard!!"
Bring to the theater a strong flashlight, fire engine red lipstick, and a Queen Amidala headdress. Sit in the very back. While the movie is going on, apply the lipstick in the usual Amidala pattern, and put on the headdress. At the part where Padme reveals herself as Amidala, jump up, turn on the flashlight so people can see you, and yell, "Wait! I'M the real Amidala! They are BOTH my decoys! BOTH my loyal bodyguards! I've been hiding here in the audience the whole time!" then sit back down."

4: "As "A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away..." appears on the screen, yell out, "How far is it?"
Every time Luke says his name, or something particularly whiny, yell "Whiner!"
Every time Leia introduces herself, or says something particularly snide, yell "Bitch!"
When Artoo plays the hologram of Leia in Luke's garage, yell out "Hey! Does this thing get the Playboy Channel!?"
Upon Luke's return to Yavin IV, after blowing up the Death Star, yell "What's her name?" right before he exits the cockpit of his X-Wing and shouts "Carrie!"

5: "After Han is frozen in carbonite, yell "Never take Han for granite!"

6: Scream out "PERVERT!" after Vader responds with, "I have felt him, my Master."

Monday, August 6, 2001
Shakespeare porn

Monday, August 6, 2001
Why wouldn't you think Emeril was going to suck?
Chefs aren't funny unless they do stupid stuff all the time. This was a bad thing coming. Am kinda vaguely bummed to hear that "Bob Patterson" sucks, as the commercials were amusing. Not that I was likely to watch it, but still.

In more fall news, a series called 24, which will be about someone trying to stop the assassination of a black presidential candidate (aw man, did it have to be assassination? Depress me much?). Weird thing is that the entire 24-episode series takes place in a day, with each episode being 24 hours. So what happens if/when it gets canceled around hour 13? (This, apparently.) Or if/when they want to have another season?
"But viewers aren't stupid. They've seen so many good shows get axed that they are, perhaps, more reluctant to make an emotional investment let alone the investment of an hour a week in a show that might not be around next week. And that's particularly true of a show that's serialized and could, potentially, leave them hanging if it gets yanked.
A show like "24" could, perhaps, use some special handling some sort of commitment to the viewers that they won't be left hanging. And they aren't really going to get it. Executive producer Joel Surnow postulated that if "24" doesn't get picked up for more than 13 episodes, it could be rewritten to provide a satisfying conclusion.
"Obviously, if they don't pick it up, we would try and find out early enough and tie it up after 13. (And) change the name of the show," he said. "I'd like to give the audience some closure if that was the case." Of course, there's no guarantee that Fox wouldn't cancel the show after fewer than 13 episodes."

Monday, August 6, 2001
Star Wars 2 is lamely titled
Oh please. You could do so much better! Obvious much?

While the titles for the first series of films weren't outstanding, they did have a certain something that made them...exciting. 'A New Hope': Oooh, a hope for what? 'The Empire Strikes Back': Sounds ominous, what with the Empire and the Striking and the whatnot. 'Return of the Jedi': Hoo boy, look out Darth Vader, your ass is gonna get whupped! But 'Phantom Menace'? Meh...whatever. Don't know what it was supposed to mean and I never really cared to find out. And now, "Attack of the Clones." Who came up with that one, a CPA? (No offense to any CPAs out there, but you know what I mean.) Now, 'Send in the Clones,' THAT would have been good."

Look, a poster's already come out (okay, not really, but Bill went with a theme.)

And there's already a petition out for a name change. I signed it yesterday and I was in the 900 range. Oy vey. Not that this'll work, of course, but it's fun to vent.

This is hilarious! "I know realize that I may have been too hasty in my decision to name Episode 2," stated a tired looking Lucas in front of hundreds of reporters. "The backlash that we received was enormous, totalling over 20 million e-mail complaints in the last two days, as well as thousands of letters, photographs of mangled Star Wars merchandise, and three packages that the FBI are still looking into."
Lucas is no stranger to controversy. His vision of Episode I was vastly different than what fans were expecting. Instead of the in depth, and sometimes cruel, universe that was present in the first three films, Episode I directed most of it's energy at creating semi-retarded, eye-stalked Gungans in a blatant attempt to make small children laugh. In fact, during the first week of the film's release, incidents of infanticide in cinemas increased 2000%, partly due to the constant shrieking of toddlers and the cheering of 7-year olds during the pod racing scene.
"As a result of all the negative feedback that I have received, I have decided to rename my next film 'Episode 2: Sorry About That Jar Jar Shit,'" solemnly pledged Lucas. Insiders at Lucasfilms disclosed that the new plot includes a scene where all the Gungans die and the planet Naboo explodes. Lucas believes that this drastic move to eliminate the most annoying aliens ever created will bring fans back to theatres again and again."

Monday, August 6, 2001
Republicans vs. Democrats
Since someone's been whining about my liberal bleeding heart lately, figured I'd put these up. The first one I agree with, especially with regards to why I switched parties in the first place. It's all about the sex, baby, screw the money.

"The real divide between the Democratic and Republican parties isn't class based, it's cultural and the bulk of that cultural divide involves sexual ideology. Sexual freedom is largely a partisan issue, right now, maybe the pre-eminent issue dividing the United States' two major parties.
Anyone trying to understand Republican Senator Jim Jeffords party switch need look no further than his steadfast support for abortion rights, gay rights and free expression. Such an unambiguous endorser of sexual freedom was surely made to feel uncomfortable in a GOP dominated by moralistic hicks."

And then there's the left wing wacko test.

Monday, August 6, 2001
How to make your own goth site
And there's also the Tamagothi. "Speed: If your Tamagothi becomes sleepy or lethargic, just give him a nice jolt of effedrine! Mmmm!
Smack: On the other hand, if your Tamagothi gets too perky, a nice dose of smack is just the thing to keep him mopey and content!
If you keep him tired, hungry, and on the verge of suicide, you might end up with the best Tamagothi yet!
This indicator goes on when your Tamagothi wants love and attention. The more you ignore it, the better your Tamagothi will turn out! He might even write some dismal poetry!"

Monday, August 6, 2001
A disposable swizzle stick that tests for date rape drugs is perhaps a year away in the UK

Monday, August 6, 2001
Dance lessons and the patriarchy.
No wonder I have zero desire to take ballroom dance, and feel downright suspicious of those who do.

"I am not used to being led, to conceding the powers of persuasion, to being forbidden to anticipate. The women who make a poor debut with Bernard are easily corrected. They either ignore Bernard's lead or imagine how Bernard will lead them before his persuasion begins. I hate that what Bernard calls the forward travel means I must move in reverse, that I never know where I'm going, that Ginger Rogers had to do everything backwards and in high heels. Even though this is only dancing, I bristle at the lack of equity in the fox-trot. But in Bernard's class, there are no protests or questions about it. The women are persuaded. I must learn to like being led, to admit in breathy relief that "He does all the work!"
But I'm suspicious of tradition, that which relies on repetition, history, blind faith. I want something of my own invention with David, even though I know every couple is bound to tradition if only as a means of measurement--how closely they adhere, to what degree they diverge. I've watched the men offer and the woman accept, the men eating what the women cook, the wives riding beside their husbands who drive. Dancing places me face-to-face with these gendered prescriptions, that being a woman beside a man brings a host of expectations from which there is too little departure. It is either lead or be led."

Monday, August 6, 2001
Suffering from a case of Other People's Babies.
"She was my confidante, lifelong friend, party partner, shopping companion - and now, in an instant, it seemed she was already gone. I tried really, really, really hard to work up some happiness, but all I could muster was, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."
She immediately sensed my concern, perceptive woman that she is. That's when she gave me what we OPB survivors call the "I'm different" speech. "I promise I won't be like those other women who disappear once they have a baby," Jane said. "I'll still keep up with my interests, and we'll see even more of each other than ever."
With this speech, and its demonic variations, pregnant women set up unrealistic expectations of continued friendship. Then, when the baby comes, they realize they don't give a rat's ass about "interests" or seeing more of their friends. They disappear from your life and become mammals whose main purpose is to ensure the survival of the species."

Monday, August 6, 2001
You will survive today. Because you're a woman and because you're nice.
This is chilling.

"Vicki's story isn't a morality play about the importance of being nice to people who make your hair stand on end. Had the madman in Vicki's store been a rapist who hunted her down later that night, she would have been criticized for being too friendly. People would have taken solace in the fact that they are never friendly to strangers- they would have said Vicki made a mistake.
What her story should do is remind us that our lives are like continuous movies, and no one knows the ending, or how our actions will affect the rest of the scenes. Life is one long exercise in chaos theory. Our lives are lived from moment to moment, and decisions made in one moment cascade like a waterfall into the next, and into all the moments ever afterward. Vicki got a rare glimpse into the downstream slip of that river.
How many times in a day do we avert disaster, or brush up against evil, but do not realize it, because the unthinkable never comes to pass?"

Monday, August 6, 2001
WOO HOO!
"A new drug being developed would eliminate menstruation altogether, while still allowing women to get pregnant. Another drug would eliminate both periods and pregnancy."

Monday, August 6, 2001
The virgin card
"I remember the day of my graduation we learned that she was proposing a "virgin privilege card" for students who abstained from premarital sex. It would be based on the currently existing Honor Student Privilege Cards, where local businesses agreed to give discounts and deals to kids who got good grades. Only this time the school didn't want to reward academic achievement, it wanted to reward students who obeyed one woman's religious doctrine.
I don't know what was worse: the idea that the school has any right to tell us what choices we should be making with our own bodies, or the idea that some sort of card system like this was in any way enforceable.
The whole "virgin privilege card" fiasco didn't make me less ashamed of being a virgin, or think abstinence was cool - it made me more distrustful of authority and government."

Monday, August 6, 2001
More funny T-shirts

Monday, August 6, 2001
Credit cards: So much for being good with money.
The sad tale of a fellow who paid everything back and never had debt, and thus could not get a credit card.

"Friends who knew of my thrifty nature consoled me by saying that credit cards are granted to those who will abuse credit, not use it.
It wasn't easy enduring haughty teenagers who-their wallets thick with their own plastic-refused to give me a rental card at Blockbuster Video until I lined up a cosigner. When I was forced to tell businesspeople that I had neither Visa nor American Express, their eyes often narrowed in a way that suggested they thought I was a shady character with a past concealed by the federal witness-protec1tion program."

Have we unwittingly, perhaps complacently, become so dependent on credit cards that we no longer see our national addiction to debt for what it is?"

Monday, August 6, 2001
I just don't get the New York trendy thing.
"As a consequence of living in New York City circa now, my world is populated with clubs and bars that are named and themed to indicate that they are not clubs or bars.
Thomas Beauty Salon, on 14th Street in Manhattan, is not a beauty salon. Though its sign stubbornly insists otherwise, the encased perfumes, bobby pins, and hair dyes no longer contribute to the beautification of anyones person, but rather to the construction of the clientele's aesthetic. As hipsters with day jobs drink good beer served up by pseudosurly rockers, the blow-drying chairs that now support their lounging behinds tell them that theyre not at a bar, drinking. Theyre at a "bar,""drinking."
This institution, more than any other, defines the de facto template for announcing hipness in New York City. Step one: rent a space formerly occupied by a quaintly outmoded blue-collar business. The more equipment theyve left behind, the better. Step two: serve liquor while insisting you're still that business. The reappropriation of the hourly laborers mummified workplace apparently has great appeal to people who, if zapped back thirty years in a time machine, never would have worked there."

Monday, August 6, 2001
Blind movie critic
Mainly I'm linking to this for the smartass lines. (There are others beyond blind references, but I'm limiting myself here.)
"You'll want to check it out if you want to see fabulous gorilla make-up and costumes. As for me, all I heard was shrieking, growling and the beating of chests - and that just at the concession stand!"
The only part of the movie I liked was when Mr. Augustus was playing croquet with a blind woman. Just as she is about to win the game, he steps on her ball and smashes it into the ground. Now I know why I can't win at croquet; its because people keep smashing my balls into the ground! The plot in this movie was stupid, the jokes were ridiculous and if I could have found the door, I would have left."
"I repeatedly looked at my watch to see when it would be over, then I remembered I can't see in the dark."
"This movie was so hard to sit through, I wished I was deaf AND blind."
"Macho guy that I am, I didnt want to see a love story. However, my wife said she accidentally led me into the wrong movie. Yeah, right."
"There is a lot of off-color humor and I would recommend you leave the kids at home. Anyway, why should they see Jennifer Love Hewitt in skimpy outfits when I can't?!"

On another similar subject, here's a site with spoilers to surprise endings.