little ms. "sweet and innocent."

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Two sites that only seem to work well with IE...
The above link, Sweetie Doll, I haven't been able to get to work well with any computer, but since I had the same issue with those StorTroopers, I imagine it's computer issues. They look adorable, though. You can also find out your Hobbit name (I'm not sure why I'm linking to this when I haven't read the books, but what the hell). I'm apparently Marigold Brambleburr of Bindbale Wood.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
This review actually makes me want to see Shrek

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Boy, did this poor guy get screwed over
Alternative cartoonist Kaz got dropped from the paper he'd been working for for eight years..."Unfortunately, as he understood the explanation given to him by New York Press CEO Russ Smith, the paper had no choice but to terminate his strip due to a long-standing tradition. "He told me they have this 10-year rule," Kaz told the Journal. "No writer may work for the Press for more than 10 years. This was the first time I ever heard of this rule. I never heard anything about it until I got dumped."
If cartoonists were better at math, Kaz might have been even more skeptical since his strip had started at the Press about eight years ago and by rights should have had a couple of years to go. But there was a very good reason he hadn't heard of the rule earlier: Since the New York Press had only started up in 1988, it would only recently have had a chance to start implementing this long-standing tradition. Few have been with the Press since the beginning, anyway. Kaz is the only strip artist who even comes close. Illustrator Danny Hellman started at the Press in 1992, shortly before Kaz's strip began running. As for 10-year survivors, that would come down to, well, Smith himself -- whose conservative Mugger column gives the paper a Republican persona distinct from most alternative weeklies -- and editor John Strausbaugh, neither of whom apparently feel obliged to move on now that their 10 years are up. "I guess the publisher and the editor can make up any rules they want as they go along," said Kaz.
When contacted by the Journal, Strausbaugh denied that such a policy exists at the Press, but allowed that the 10-year-figure may have come up in the conversation with Kaz. "Of course we don't have a policy that all contributors must die after 10 years," he said. "What I did tell Kaz, however, is that after that long we may begin to think that a writer or a column or a strip has lived out its natural life with us and needs to move and make way for something new." Er, so why didn't you just say "We're sick of you?" instead of coming up with the 10 year crap that could obviously be found out as a BS'd lie?

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
What Mark Burnett's learned

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Who's surprised at this?
Apparently Salman Rushdie thinks reality shows are *gasp!* going to get violent. Gee, like this hasn't already been predicted in the movies? Then again, this link's up because I got to hear all about Fear Factor during lunch, and given the dragged-by-two-horses thing alone I think they're already there. However, there's some possible good news for Rushdie (and bad news for anyone waiting to see Survivor 3 contestants mauled by lions- though have you guys heard that Mike got maced in the face today?): someone realized "that fear and pain are not entertaining to see. These two ingredients not only spoil the show from being good, but it pretty much is an entertainment turn off for most of America who will be watching this show. Seeing people get dragged by horses and bleed, getting eaten by rats and bleed, and scraping themselves against a car hood (and probably bleed) is really not entertainment."

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Bush no speak Spanish too good either

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Tomb Raider, tits, girls and gaming

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Get your mind out of the gutter, get your hand off my udder!
Thanks to the Under Sedation radio show for this song/animation, which they played on the air Saturday. It is freaking hilarious and even worth the Flash download.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
More spoiler talk
This one is about those people who whine and whimper about not being spoiled (yet again, we breach the topic). Monty originally says that he thinks it's pretty hard for a reviewer to do their job if they're not allowed to say why a movie is bad...but then er, converts (sigh) and comes up with the rules for spoiler-free reviews. Basically he limits comments to only what was seen in the commercials, says if the movie is more than two years old you can spoil it, and don't deliberately blab an ending after leaving the theater. But I liked these two rules, in a way:

"Rule Four: Filmmakers should stop making movies that will be spoiled if a piece of information gets out. I mean it. Remember how I mentioned The Muppet Movie up there where I was using the weirdly stilted language? That's a great movie, and there are no "spoilers" because it's not a movie that relies on surprising the audience. It's fine occasionally, but Casablanca wouldn't be a better movie if it ended with Rick whipping off his trenchcoat to reveal a Nazi uniform. Stop trying to shock me all the time.
Rule Five: It is not the world's job to protect you from knowledge. If a movie's been out for a couple of weeks and you hear some dramatic plot point from people in the hallway, that's admittedly a shame, but it does not give you license to shout at them that you haven't seen it yet. If you're so worried about your movie-going experience being ruined, maybe you should have gone on opening night to minimize this sort of problem."

Another spoiler rant, this one on Survivor, got very upset at the Ellipsis people for actually getting things right and says that they "ruined" the end of the show. Apparently you're not allowed to er, post accurate spoilers because that takes away her fun. (I do agree with her that Ellipsis had to have insider information to get that right, though.) And she's also pissed that people didn't put their huge spoiler warnings out so much any more- which, I'll admit, is kinda stupid of them. However, I gotta disagree with her on "You should NOT have to refrain from visiting ANY related website the day of the show; in my opinion that is simply not fair." People make stupid errors like that. It's a sad fact of life. And if you want to really make sure you're not spoiled in any way, shape or form, you should just not look anywhere at all until after the show. Period. You shouldn't trust that other people are not going to somehow spill the beans.

I did get annoyed with the snippy comment that we're ruining the show and the bit about "those of us who don't like to open our Christmas gifts early." Sheeesh. Then again, I'm just not someone who's REALLY REALLY REALLY into being surprised, so I guess I'm not sympathetic. The only reasons I don't go around snooping for receipts to find out what my presents are any more are that (a) I'm a bad actress and have a hard enough time faking loud enthusiastic exclaimations for presents as is and (b) Mom pretty much offers to buy me stuff in stores for the last three months before Christmas/birthday and says "this is for Christmas/birthday" anyway.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Nude celebs in the Galaxy of Fame

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Censorship and children
A very interesting article on how all the censorship people do with regards to "keeping children's innocence" is not necessarily necessary, that being exposed to this stuff isn't necessarily harmful, and that not exposing them can actually be harmful. (You think I repeated enough words in this sentence?)

"The notion that words and images and ideas can cause harm to young minds has become such an article of faith that it's hard not to feel a sense of futility when you point out that there is not a shred, not an iota, not an atom of proof that exposure to images or descriptions of sex and violence does children any harm.
Heins describes one video in which a students asks an instructor what will happen if he wants to have sex before getting married. The answer: "Well, I guess you'll just have to be prepared to die." (Like that still can't happen after you get married? Like that automatically prevents people from cheating or something? And isn't this just the most blown-out-of-proportion thing you've ever heard?) "You have to admire the honesty of that response. Because of course, whether or not they admit it, the people who want to deny teenagers access to sexual information (to say nothing of access to condoms or abortion) are implicitly saying that kids should die rather than have their innocence sullied."

I'll admit that I have some personal experience with this. I was an only child, the parents had been used to watching certain movies and swearing (ok, the latter one was all Dad) for six years before I came along, and perhaps that was why they didn't automatically try to shelter my virgin eyes and ears from sex on television. I knew 95% of the swear words out there by the time I was ten purely from Dad getting pissed off, though I didn't actually start swearing on my own until I got really sick of my squeaky-clean image in middle school. Not that that did any good, if y'all note the title of this page, and in middle school it only made people laugh their heads off to hear those words out of me. I've still kept in the habit though, obviously. Especially, in the family tradition, when I'm irritated.

I also grew up watching Dallas and Dynasty and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, and honestly thought nothing about seeing sex on the television. Sure, a bunch of women were dancing around in lingerie and powdering up state senators or whatever (in the er, latter title), but did I know that was sex? Did I care to find out what they were doing in detail? Not really. I didn't even know that stuff was supposed to be bad for kids until one day my mom got some weird attack of conscience and told me from now on I was only supposed to refer to that movie as The Best Little House in Texas. I didn't get why she was doing that at all and besides, that wasn't the proper title of the movie..."But Mom, it said Whorehouse!" I think at that point she gave up. Later on during my requisite Patrick Swayze crush in third grade stage, I somehow convinced them to rent me Road House (my grandmother, who presumably was thinking of some other movie entirely, told them it was good to see), and they didn't turn it off even when the girls with no bikini tops were being thrown into the pool. (I pretended to cover my eyes, but it's not like I really cared about naked boobs).

The point of these silly personal stories being, I came out fine. I'm not traumatized about any of this stuff. And therefore, I don't worry so much when, say, I don't notice that a child is in the room and a swear word comes out. One day I walked by a bunch of elementary kids who were having a field trip on campus for some weird reason and I heard one of them talking about "the f-word". Like they don't already know?

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
1 in 12 women would lose a limb in order to get an otherwise perfect body.
I canNOT stop thinking of horrendous sitcom episodes like this Friends one upon reading this, though last I heard Heather Mills was er, doing quite well. I guess that gives this credibility, creepy as that thought is.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Satan gets kicked out of hell

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
New Senate bill punishes anti-abortion protestors who threaten people at clinics
As far as I'm concerned, yay to this (people who obstruct access get a $15,000 fine and a year in jail. Churches and synagogues too), but this just pisses me off: "most Republicans and anti-abortion activists are staunchly opposed to the measure." (WHAT a surprise.) "They say it unfairly penalizes only their side of the abortion debate and stifles free speech." It's free speech to threaten people and abuse them on their way into a building?! This is something that is okay and should be allowed?! God, this is like that article awhile back (which I can't find now) about how people were complaining that if gays were protected in high school, then they couldn't denounce them as their religion told them to or whatever :P~~~~~~~

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Cracksmoker: A professional or collegiate athlete who exhibits behavior not fit for society.
"Cracksmoker Criteria:
$ Must be a professional or collegiate athlete
$ Must have been in the news for something noteworthy other than an athletic accomplishment
$ Have a tendency to put themselves ahead of their team
$ Often demand more money or playing time than they deserve
$ Consistently in the wrong place at the wrong time and often claim to be a victim of circumstance
$ Regularly participate in excessive celebrations and taunting of other players
$ Probably have referred to themselves in the third person at one time or another
$ May have one or more illegitimate children
$ Actions are generally not premeditated"

I may have mentioned somewhere on here before that a coworker suggested that there be a regular column on lawbreaking athletes. Well, here's the site for that. Features things like "Cracksmoker Survivor", in which Mike Tyson was voted the guy you DON'T want your daughter to date above all other cracksmokers.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Introducing the Irving Awards
"It would seem that Irving's lack of serious injury may not qualify him for the Darwin Award [The Darwin Awards are presented to people who die in truly idiotic ways.] However, we could start a whole new award series called "The Irving" for morons who do really stupid things and are not injured.
We would have a statuette much like the Oscar, only this one would be of a man with his head up his butt."

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Najeeb: A Persian Girl in America
Annoyingly, BUST doesn't put their articles online, so I can't show you the interview they did with the maker of this film that prompted me to post something about this. The filmmaker has turned 25 and still doesn't want to marry any of her stodgy suitors, which is a HORRENDOUS fate in her culture- you have no choice but to choose one by that age is the general attitude conveyed in the article. One relative (quoted in the BUST article and not this one) actually said that after you turn 25, "you definitely become ugly." I am SO glad I'm not Persian.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Not that this page will be up much longer, but...
This front-page-only entry reminds me of the Kaycee saga, so I'll post it:
"Heroic Cancer Sufferer Inspires Others To Get Cancer SAN DIEGO-- Diagnosed three months ago with terminal lymphoma, David Bradley, 46, has stood as such a stirring example of courage in the face of disease that he is inspiring others in his community to get cancer. "Seeing David and the way he's bravely battled this thing, I couldn't help but follow his lead," said neighbor Timothy Willis, injecting himself with a concentrated dose of the carcinogen trichloroethelene in an effort to contract the disease. "David understands that every day is a precious gift. Pretty soon, I'm going to realize that, too." Said Mandy Pitnick, 14, chain-smoking three unfiltered Camels: "I want to be a symbol of hope just like David."

Tuesday, June 12, 2001
The theory I was told the other day...
was that Battlefield Earth was made a la the plot of The Producers- i.e. make total dreck and keep the money- only this time it goes to the Scientologists. Hey, it could happen.

Saturday, June 9, 2001
American Gods: The first chapter
So far it's good. And here's a review of it mentioning the plot.

Saturday, June 9, 2001
The Wolf Files
Here's a webloggish feature thingie that has a lot of good links. He writes about fun stuff like bad Mother's Day cards ("Happy Mother's Day to my sister. A woman who's gone through childbirth and still isn't 100 percent sure where babies come from."), presidential dogs and America's dumbest dates, Jimmy Carter's killer bunny, an update on the actor who played Kent "Flounder" Dorfman in Animal House (i.e. "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son" guy) and how he took the dean's advice, and weird Christmas gifts.

Saturday, June 9, 2001
Losing my tolerance for zero tolerance
It's pretty obvious how ridiculous this stuff is so I won't really rant on about it myself, but how on earth is "G'day, sport" counted as a racist remark? What the hell is sport supposed to be offending?

Saturday, June 9, 2001
No sex for you!
A judge is forcing a 19-year-old who knocked up a 16-year-old and 17-year-old to never have sex again unless he gets married, or he'll go to jail for life. But look at what he said: "You will not engage yourself in any relationships with anyone. You will not have sexual conduct with any person unless you are married by law."
Torres said Thursday that he thinks the order would prevent him from establishing relationships that could lead to marriage.
"I would like to get married, but how am I going to meet anyone?" he said." If he's absolutely not allowed to have relationships, ain't no way he can get married. Hello? That is just way too harsh. Also sad that he's forbidden to see his daughter and the 16-year-old girlfriend that he still wants to be with. I can see why they'd forbid her, but the child? This entire case doesn't seem right.

Saturday, June 9, 2001
Top 5 John Cusack movies
Gotta love him.

On the same site, the best teen movies you've probably never seen. Alternative or just plain cheesy seems to make up most of them.

Saturday, June 9, 2001
Protesting the protester
So El Jerkoff Fred Phelps is apparently protesting the graduation of the lesbian prom king- and people are pledging money for every minute he protests and donating it to scholarship funds. Don't you love that?

Friday, June 8, 2001
This one will frighten you.
"READING this story is more likely to damage your health than using a chainsaw, according to a Government report that also warns of an alarming increase in the number of accidents caused by tea cosies, place mats and socks.
If you are also wearing wellington boots while holding a loofah and standing near a birdbath, then the chances of even finishing this sentence uninjured are worryingly small. The latest report from the Home and Leisure Accident Surveillance System, published by the Department of Trade and Industry, reveals that in 1999 leaves, birdbaths and sponges and loofahs posed far more of a menace to health than rat poison or meat cleavers."

Friday, June 8, 2001
Did you know that Tiger Woods is God?
Here's another God story. "Call me blasphemous, but when a guy changes his name to God and threatens to sue the Los Angeles Times for defamation, chances are, he's in desperate need of attention." What's even funnier is that 25 other Americans have changed their name to God too.

Friday, June 8, 2001
Senator Skupin?!
Psycho Mikeo from Survivor is now "seriously considering" the US Senate. The state governor sounds like he's trying to find somebody, ANYBODY, to run against the loaded Democrat incumbent. And how, pray tell, is he "a well-qualified candidate" when he's never even been active in party politics? For SENATE? Hello, that's something you work up to. First you do something small, like City Council, then work up (unless you're a clueless billionaire). Gag me.

Updated just to share with you one line for Mongoose on his qualifications: "Senators have to kill pigs all the time."

Friday, June 8, 2001
Top Biblical ways to get a wife.
YUCK.

Friday, June 8, 2001
Men more likely to ditch ill wives.
Isn't THAT nice. :(

Friday, June 8, 2001
How Bigfoot ruined my dating life
Columbine's take on this amuses me.

Friday, June 8, 2001
The Phantom Edit
Someone has edited out the bad (i.e. Jar Jar) parts of Star Wars 1 and it's become incredibly popular, and George doesn't even mind! I'm shocked at that one.
"Anticipating the arrival of the newest Star Wars film, some fans, like myself, were extremely disappointed by the finished product," the film's re-editor says on the scroll. "So being someone of the 'George Lucas Generation,' I have re-edited a standard VHS version of 'The Phantom Menace,' into what I believe is a much stronger film by relieving the viewer as much story redundancy, pointless Anakin actions and dialogue, and Jar Jar Binks, as possible.
"There is a lot less Jar Jar. He, unfortunately, is still in there because he does at times help move along the plot," he said. For example, "the scene where Qui-Gon grabs his tongue at dinner is gone."
He also said, "Anakin is a stronger character. His crappy whoops and oops and that stuff is gone. It makes the kid seem like someone who is strong with the force and worth going against the council for as opposite to the whiny little kid in the original cut.
The largest cut, though, is the deletion of a scene where Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jar Jar Binks are riding in an underwater sub up to the surface of Naboo. (It's the scene where they are attacked by a giant fish.) Said JM Dash, "I know some of you think that this is a big metaphor for the movie, but the fact is it was thrown in there to play to the younger audience. It was stupid and so it got cut out."

There's a review of the Phantom Edit as well on Zap: "Essentially, what the new version does is turn Jar Jar Binks into an incidental character. Rather than keeping him in the forefront, "The Phantom Edit" deletes most of the obnoxious poop-slipping, tongue-licking humor that the computer-generated character engages in throughout the film." There's also a fan site for the PE. Some people are even taping the PE over Blockbuster and other video places's copies of Menace.

I can't believe this: There's one Jar Jar fan out there protesting the edit, saying he loves Jar Jar because he's silly, stupid and annoying- and to him that's what livens up the movie.

Two words for this guy: Han. Solo. Han's a brilliant example of how to get humor into a fairly serious movie. He has two brain cells to rub together (more, in fact), and can be funny and serious when he needs to be. There's also Chewie, who outwardly is funny looking (big hairy dude who can't talk), but he actually does sweet things, brave things, etc.
In general, a thing I love about the originals is that the main characters aren't one-note nellies. Leia's earnest and yet sarcastic, and even Luke goes from whiny to brave. The biggest problem with Phantom Menace is that other than Amidala/Padme, everyone only has one mode of operation. Everyone else is dead serious, and therefore we have the invention of Jar Jar, who practically has "comic relief and no other purpose whatsoever" tattooed across his tongue. Never have I seen something so obviously a marketing tool for toys in my life, and that's really saying something given movies these days.
Sure, his schtick might be funny in a Farrelly Brothers flick where everyone else is as much of a moron, but in Star Wars it is so completely out of place it's jarring, distracting, and annoying. He obviously has these comic "bits" where they're talking about the plot and he's doing something utterly beyond stupid in the background. Star Wars used to have wit and humor, now it's pratfalls. It's "Star Wars: The Sitcom." This kind of crap Must. Stop.
I've heard Jar Jar isn't in Episode 2 too much (THANK THE GODS), but I wouldn't mind him as much if George would be so kind as to do the following: (a) Age Jar Jar mentally beyond the age of a three-year-old human. Please, please, please. 2 is six years from the previous movie, so you could reasonably change him to the mentality of an nine-year-old and it would fit and I wouldn't want to kill him so much. (2) Please to take Jar Jar to the speech therapist and teach him proper English. Zap him with the torture ball every time he says "Meesa" (god, it's like they couldn't pick a lamer word to use). Make him sound relatively normal (heck, even the other Gungans had more of a control of the language) so all language experts will no longer laugh at your ass. (d) Send him to ballet school and eliminate this "clumsy" business. NO MORE PRATFALLS DURING PLOT ELABORATION. As many moviegoers could tell you, it's bloody annoying to be watching some action and then someone starts walking right in front of you and drops their popcorn in your lap.

After reading this, Columbine responded with a rant about the Star Wars characters are cartoons and the only depth they have is because someone else directed Empire Strikes Back. I'll pretty much concede with the analysis, but at least the characters had two sides to them instead of one in the first trilogy, even if they were totally based on old Westerns and Jungian crap. And they're more cardboard cutout than cartoon in Episode 1.

Friday, June 8, 2001
The science of Days Of Our Lives
This is just hilarious. They already know how to clone. Frequently.
"In addition to three kinds of Hope, two John Blacks, a couple of Marlena Evanses (Black's wife) and two Romans (Marlena's ex-husband), the show featured four versions of Kristen, Dimera's daughter. The beautiful Kristen's carbon copies varied just as inexplicably as the mouse's: One was a nun with buck teeth and another a gormless bumpkin...Witness Bo Brady, the man who mistook his wife (Hope) for her clone (Princess Gina). Apart from a few physical (a small birthmark) and behavioral features (narrowing of her eyes, trying to kill her son), there was little to distinguish Hope the housewife from Gina the dashing art forger and seductress." HAH!

Friday, June 8, 2001
Good news and bad news for me
The good news? You Don't Know Jack is finally going to be a TV show. This would be the game show I'd most likely go on, as I am the queen of totally random trivia and kick ASS whenever I play that game.

The bad news? Fucking Pee Wee (who I generally hate and despise with the power of a thousand suns for being incredibly annoying beyond belief- look, I'm sorry, Pee Wee fans, but I just don't get your love) is the host. If I went on that show I'd have to deal with fucking Pee Wee. I think I'd rather get bitched out by Anne Robinson or have Reege smarm in my face and be able to tolerate those better than Pee Wee. (Yes, I'm aware "it's a different character." Who I will probably despise if there's any Pee Wee similarities...and how likely is that not to happen?)

Friday, June 8, 2001
The cheating valedictorian
Man, can you (this is to those of us who weren't VD's) imagine how much pressure these kids have to be under for four years? They can never have a bad day or a bad test or their entire record goes to hell. Frankly, I can't blame the kid for snapping and cheating. I had enough grueling pressure on me in high school to be perfect, it had to be worse for him, especially at the very end of high school.

Friday, June 8, 2001
Content web sites dying off
"With smaller staffs, many Web publishers are running fewer stories and making less-frequent updates, and relying more on partners or news feeds. It isn't easy to quantify how much coverage has been scaled back -- columns are quietly dropped and tracking a reduction in updates can be difficult -- but the trend is clear.
"When [sites are] asking people to pay for it at the same time they're cutting back on the original content -- that's really difficult." Free is apparently no longer happening any more, either.

I found these links...sometime this week, I forget when. Then today I went to read Suck early this morning and found a vague, snippy annoucement that they were "going on vacation." SUPPOSEDLY a "summer vacation" (there was one reference to that), but the kicker is there was no return date mentioned. Of course, we all know what that means by now, and Romanesko and Plastic readers immediately at least doubted the return, or said "Oh crap, the site's dead forever."

Metafilter announced yesterday that Automatic Media, the parent site of Suck, Plastic, and Feed laid off everybody. They are now out of business (as the AM site says. Very briefly.). Suck supposedly is trying to get funding on their own. Feed is now also "looking for a new home" and hoping this is a "temporary goodbye." But let's face it- we all know that won't happen. The Plastic announcement about the whole thing (finally posted!) says that Plastic will still remain, though. Well, one out of three ain't bad...and they're not even asking for money. (Much as I'm generally squicked out about the idea of paying for content, perhaps taking the high road there is not the best idea.) But to quote a poster (phenry): "Suck? Dying. Feed? Dying. Plastic? On life support. Salon? A soft-porn shell of its former self. Slate? There but for the grace of Microsoft. Free Republic? Drudge? Slashdot? ALIVE AND WELL." (Disclaimer: Being that I'm in a LUG, I sometimes read Slashdot. But not all that much since I'm not a geek and don't get coding jokes.) And there's also a scary-but-getting-there remark from superdude: "What are Plastic and Slashdot going to link to when all the producers of original content are off the Web? Each other?"

It makes you really wonder if Ironminds is next, given this editor's letter waxing similarly to Suck and Feed on the lazy days of summer and relaxation (which um, isn't exactly something allowed in the media biz, you know?) I know this isn't a moneymaking site, but when they say stuff like "we're kinda getting sick of this, so let's not do as much," it sounds an awful lot like the stuff posted on Fucked Weblog (original entry moved to this one since it relates). "I'm recharging, life interferes, other things to do..." I suspect along the lines of whoever it was that posted Suck onto FW: "The front page has a long diatribe about how they are overdue for a vacation, but no mention of any internal troubles. I'm not buying it."

Update: Salon has a couple of articles on Suck/Feed/Plastic, the first claiming that AM is still seeking a buyer for the sites, claiming that they think they'll find one and "feel pretty confident from the initial conversations we've been having." Perhaps I'm just a broken-hearted cynic, but I somehow can't believe this confidence until you know, an actual buyer forks over the money. And this one also asks what'll happen when there's nothing to link to. Inside, oddly enough, is claiming that the company is "seriously considering" selling the sites, as opposed to the "we're working on it" things above. Makes me a little worried. "At least for the moment, Suck and Feed will take their places alongside Word.com as cult sites that knew they couldn't make it on their own but, oddly enough, didn't hit the rocks until they hooked up with a supposedly more business-savvy partner."

Or as this fellow said:
"Everything I love seems to be fading away.
Goodbye, Suck. The words of Polly Esther and the drawings of Terry Colon made such sweet, funny music together. What the hell — how can a synergy this beautiful ever end? Why won't those lousy investors just ONCE put money into something just because it's trenchant, and clever, and makes people laugh? Why does it always have to be about money?
Investors, you are like the prostitutes in movies, but less beautiful, less resourceful. You do not have a heart of gold.
Goodbye, Salon. Oh, I realize you're not dead yet, but you've been dining on your own stomach for quite a while now. It can only last so long.
It's over, and it now falls to us — the Internet's unkillable cockroaches — to carry on. Flak will be there. Filmfodder will be there. Sweet Fancy Moses will be there. Ironminds will be there, although less frequently than in days past. The blogs will be there — the blogs got our back. We will gallantly carry on, surreptitiously running our FTPs during lunch and spending our evening hours editing content that gets read by a small audience of people we generally love."

Friday, June 8, 2001
No one much cares about Survivor being fixed.
Um, duh. Would anyone really be surprised to hear that confirmed for sure? And does anyone mind as long as they get to watch interesting television for a change? Doubt it.

Thursday, June 7, 2001
Medium-sized breasts best for workplace
"A researcher at the University of Central Florida in Orlando has found that women with breasts much smaller or larger than a C-cup are viewed by men as less professional.
In the UCF study, men watched a video of a woman giving a speech on how to choose a career. The same woman gave the same speech to different groups of men, each time wearing the same outfit. The only difference was that her breast size was changed with each presentation. Women, on the other hand, were not at all influenced by breast size.
"Overall, the men viewed the woman fairly positively, but there was a significant drop in approval when she was an A or D-cup," said the study's author, Stacey Tantleff-Dunn, a UCF assistant professor of psychology. "The message is, they might see you slightly less favorably, but not your work. I don't think that should mean you should get a breast reduction or dress differently. But awareness can help you deal with some of the biased views." Man, does this make me want to gag. "Professional" breasts? What the hell? That you have to stuff or cut your tits to get respect from men here? I'm er, lucky on this front, I guess, but YUCK.

Thursday, June 7, 2001
The Swedish moon Bush.

Thursday, June 7, 2001
Over 3 million Chinese drink their own urine.
There really isn't much more that can be said about this one, is there?

Thursday, June 7, 2001
Funny commentary on ending seasons with pyrotechnics

Thursday, June 7, 2001
The unfinished remnants on Douglas Adams's computer shall be published.

Thursday, June 7, 2001
The quarterlife crisis
There's been a lot of bitching on the Internet about this one. Speaking as a 20something who actually isn't in crisis right now (but who knows, it might be coming), I'm kinda sympathetic. It is a switch to go from 16-17 years of schooling in a row to "the real world", and no wonder people get all angsty about it. If I didn't have a job right now I'd be hyperventilating constantly about the future. (Fortunately I'm not hugely into career goals, my "life's work" (I'm sure it'll find me eventually. I suspect it's coming in a few) or worrying about having children. Yet?) And sure, while the example of Jeff and his dog is just really silly, and the Devon story is just confusing, it does make the point.

I somehow love this quote, though: "I have a backup plan: if I'm not married at 30, Ill buy a cat (I already have two). And then if I'm still single at 35, Ill buy another cat. And then, if I'm still single at 40, Ill buy another cat, which means my goal in life is this: at the age of 40, Ill either be married or have five cats."

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Interview with Al Franken
I just enjoy his take on politics. And adored his Rush Limbaugh book, even if I didn't get through Why Not Me? yet.

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Freaky fast food experiences, freaky schools.
Yes, this does all segue into each other.

First up is the above link, in which a fellow ordered McNuggets that came out burnt, and he said he wasn't going to eat this shit. The server then called the cops on him. He now plans to sue. The writer of this obviously had a LOT of fun with it.

Then there's the moral of this story: Do NOT get picky at Burger King. (Warning: Do not read this if you're going to eat soon, have just eaten, or have been to BK recently. Especially the latter.)
"But when customers asked to hold the pickles or hold the lettuce -- or requested any special order that would break the tempo -- some cooks became upset and retaliated, a former employee said yesterday.
Testifying in the trial of Scott B. Savino, who is charged with sickening a customer by spraying a sandwich with oven cleaner, Daniel P. Musson said he and Savino frequently laced sandwiches with cleaning products or spit on and "skated" on frozen meat patties that were thrown to the kitchen floor before being flame-broiled." (Update: More testimony and the results of the case.)

This story really pisses me off. HUGELY pisses me off. A teenage vegetarian who hates McDonald's was forced to go to a job interview assembly sponsored by them, and for whatever reason decided to er, participate in their mock interviews. Bad idea.
"Hours after speaking out against the hamburger giant, Kading was forced to read an apology to the entire school over the public address system, in which he said he described himself, with the principal's approval, as "a bad student" that no teacher would want to have.
"She asked me about myself, and I said I hate large corporations like McDonald's," he said. "She said that won't get you a job at McDonald's.
"She says `Give me back the mike,' and I said I would not want to work for a company that falsely advertises its French fries," Kading said, referring to a recent controversy in which McDonald's revealed that it uses beef flavoring in its French fries.
Kading's comments drew loud applause and high fives from his friends, but administrators quickly removed him from the room, telling the group that he was "an embarrassment to the school." He then met with Principal Stephen Murphy. Fearful that he would be suspended, and at Murphy's urging, Kading agreed to read the apology over the intercom."

I am completely shocked that the school just KOWTOWED to the fucking corporation (I'm restraining myself from the even filthier ho reference I'm tempted to make here), to the point where the principal encouraged a kid to verbally shit on himself in front of the school. This is SO NOT OKAY, and I think this guy should lose his job. Would he have done that if McDonald's and the bucks weren't an issue and the kid had mouthed off to a teacher? I somehow doubt it, given the level of freakout that was going on here. Yet another lovely example of advertising whoring in the schools.

In another example of jerky school government, a janitor throws out a bunch of students' papers and notes right before exams. Does the adminstration care? Hah, of course not.
""They're telling us to calm down, but finals are next week," said Waters, 16.
Both students said school administrators didn't seem helpful or sympathetic.
"They're treating us like it's our fault," Papke said. "I can understand the mistake. At least give us an apology."
Kolcheff said the students who lost their class notes will have to borrow from classmates.
"What can we do?" he asked. "You have 25 others in the class. Share the notes." Assuming, of course, that everyone else took notes and took good ones and are willing to loan them out. Man, I had a few classes that I would have just flunked had I lost the stuff for them (particularly chemistry).

And the final bizarre one, a kid gets kicked out of school for drawing guns. They say it was a "threat against students", but I have no idea if that was an actual threat, as in "Here's a picture of me shooting up the school," or just that they take drawing guns as a threat, period. It's hard to tell.
I sent this one on to my ex, who at around the same age had a piece kicked out of the school art show because he drew a spaceship scene in which one character shot another in the butt (the piece is framed at his dad's house now. Ironically, a sculpture he did of a dragon eating someone who'd been run through with a sword won honorable mention), and said "If you did that now you'd get SO busted."

"A fifth-grader was taken from Oldsmar Elementary School in handcuffs Wednesday after a teacher found drawings he had made of weapons, school officials said.
The boy has received a discipline that Schmitt said he couldn't discuss. But he said the boy probably won't return for the rest of the year and probably would be moved to another school.
"We just need to get it through kids' heads that there are certain things you don't say and there are certain things you don't draw," he said."

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Jennifer Foote Sweeney gets her bitch on about working moms again
"So why, when a woman chooses both to work and to mother, does she incite the sort of rage reserved for wayward clerics and defilers of sacred things? Why is a report about the potential negative impact of child care on children offered as proof that working mothers are selfish and unkind?"

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Yada yada Sopranos is the best, blah blah blah. Enough of it already, please?
I'm loving this letter:
"Could America's journalists please, please take an extra moment to consider whether they really need a Sopranos reference in what they write?" (Slate, this means YOU!) "A Sopranos mention has become the cliche of the moment, but a good universal signifier it is often not. Yes, it is the hot show of the moment, so if you're writing for the cognoscenti, you're ok. But even though millions watch it, the show is on premium-tier cable, people. (As a certain channel likes to remind us: It's not cable. It's HBO.) [Romenesko note: Two in three households don't have HBO.] Most of the American viewing public hasn't had the chance to sample even a second of the show flipping channels. They don't know the characters (beyond Tony), they don't know the plot lines (beyond whacking people), so if you're going to "go there," ask yourself if your readers/viewers will get what you're talking about - especially if you work for a mass circulation outlet." Disrespecting the Bing again, anyone? :P

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Bad Food
"My mother reminded us frequently of the businesses that she didn't run -- like when we didn't make our beds or pick up our rooms [didn't run a hotel], or wanted an advance on our allowances [didn't run a bank], or shucked off our shoes in the foyer [didn't run a Japanese temple], or failed to shuck off our shoes in the foyer [didn't run...wait for it...a barn]. But we heard "not running a restaurant" the most often, until the day my brother came back with, "No kidding -- at a RESTAURANT, if you HATE scallops, they DON'T serve you SCALLOPS ANYMORE." And then he found out that, at a restaurant, they don't send you to your room for back-talking either."

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Planet of the Apes to-do list

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
The Roadkill Project
"Monitoring roadkill brings excitement and stimulating conversation to all. The unmotivated student becomes extremely interested in a gruesome subject." Note their later use of the word "roadent."

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
No space sex.
I bet Newt Gingrich is disappointed.

And now guess what? The Russians will never allow a woman to go to Mars because they're too troublesome. Um, yeah, like five horny (and I'm guessing straight, since those gay guys probably make more trouble than women any day!) guys alone for years and years isn't going to have problems. I vote they send five girls if it has to be single-sex. If they get to fighting it won't be much beyond hair pulling and catfights, whereas fighting guys tend to knock over everything in sight (in the movies, at least!).

(Note: This post dripping with sarcasm and stereotypes, not intending to slam on any of the following groups mentioned above.)

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
In which Mulder walks off in a huff.
Now I'm not an X-Files watcher, never really have been. I only watched it when others around me demanded to see it, and I preferred monster-of-the-week (or that REALLY weird pseudo-twin ep) to the weirdass and completely confusing alien plot. But I'm just snickering my head off reading this Duchovny interview.

"I think the consciousness of the show is this quest of Mulder's and the core of the show is Mulder and Scully." (Not any more! Guess why? 'Cause you left.) "When I came back at the end of this year, by necessity, by my choice of not being on the show full time, other stories and other ideas had to come center stage," Duchovny said. "And when I came back I felt somewhat peripheral. Mulder's story was one of three or four stories that were going on and it didn't feel like the same show to me." Um, DUH? It's all your fault that had to happen and now you don't like it?

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Redneck Weddin' and Bonking the Groom

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Indian guy also doing flying car
I'll bet Moller's pissed.

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
The comics are not remotely funny any more.
"The great part of this recap is that it's the same every week."

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
New non-Christian Narnia books to come out.
Why, I don't really know, given that the original Narnia was REALLY killed off at the end of the series. Are they going to rehash? Slip in other Pevensie relatives and friends somewhere along the old lines? Cover the ever-blissful Heaven years? Oh, whoops, that would be Christian. I did, however, like the reader note below about how they could bring back Susan, who got kicked out of the Narnia club at the end. I never did approve of that.

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Fictional movie reviewer discovered
Given how we already know of movie critics out there who will give anything a good review in order to get their names on posters, why is this a surprise? It's not like any Joe Schmoe critic that's not Ebert or similar really sells flicks to anyone these days if the movie stinks. Even if a critic gives (insert godawful flick here) a thumbs up, the rest of the world is going to (a) figure out it's dreck, and (b) think that critic got paid off.

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
In praise of polygamy
(I'm not even gonna comment on the Tom Green thing. Bleah. But this article kinda inspired by that case is good.)

"The law, in short, doesn't prevent a man from being licentious, promiscuous, irresponsible, and thoroughly goatish. Had Green just shacked up with a harem of willing single women, no one would have cared. But when he lives as a dutiful husband to five women in a collection of trailer homes in the Utah desert, he somehow presents a dire threat to our social foundation. This brings to mind heterosexuals accusing homosexuals of undermining marriage, even as heterosexuals have left it in tatters.
The argument for allowing polygamy has much in common with the argument for letting gays enter into matrimony. If consenting adults who prefer polygamy can do everything else a husband and wife can do- have sex, live together, buy property, and bring up children jointly, why should they be prohibited from legally committing themselves to the solemn duties that attach to marriage? How is society worse off if these informal relationships are formalized and pushed toward permanence?"

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Hear your cell phone? It's probably the neighborhood bird
Isn't that kinda sad?

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Winnie the Goth

Sunday, June 3, 2001
The truth about porn penises
(Wow, there go my hits for the week).
"Those giant penises you see are prosthetic. Yep, they are fake. Even the semen that comes out is synthetic. Did you ever notice how the stars with REALLY large penises often wear a sort of harness? That is because the artificial penis is so heavy, it can't simply be glued on. Other times, it is glued on with synthetic skin matched to the actor's skin tone, blended in to make it look seamless. Anything over 11 inches is almost guaranteed to be a fake."

Sunday, June 3, 2001
So much for foiling the military
"A gay psychiatrist owes the U.S. Air Force more than $71,000 for his education because he failed to fulfill his active duty obligation, a judge has ruled.
In a decision released Tuesday, U.S. District Judge William Alsup said John Hensala, a former U.S. Air Force captain, should be required to pay back the government because he voluntarily announced he was gay and should have known the consequences of violating the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
In December 1994, the Air Force told Hensala his military service would begin the following year. Days later, Hensala announced he was gay.
The judge agreed his timing may have been suspect."

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Damn Clippy's not even dead.
"Anyone installing Office XP will find Clippy and seven other animated assistants available with the new version."

Sunday, June 3, 2001
George Carlin lines

Sunday, June 3, 2001
What's the first step to another attempt at the presidency? Dieting, of course.
"Amid speculation that he might break his silence even sooner, he has taken the first steps towards losing the estimated 20lb to 30lb that he put on earlier this year as he relaxed the strict diet and exercise regime to which he adhered throughout the election campaign. "He'll be television-ready in a few weeks," one Democratic official said of Mr Gore's determined fight to regain his former trim figure." Oh brother.

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Draw it, baby!
hyperbolical put this totally cool group drawing board (up to 5 can log in) on her site, and those of us on chat had a very fun afternoon. (Warning: Only works with IE browsers for some reason.) I'm pondering whether or not to go to Groupboard and get one for this site. If you're interested in the idea, e-mail me (e-mail hidden somewhere in the NAQ, as my spam is increasing).

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Introducing Girlchick 2.0
So Erin and co. finally got around to doing the new website. Woo hoo! Currently featuring Marilyn Monroe through the eyes of feminists and sleeping in separate beds, as well as some of the archives. Hopefully she'll update more often now.

Sunday, June 3, 2001
The worst that can happen to Jenna is she'll become president
My thoughts on the issue:

1. HOW STUPID ARE YOU CHICKS?! Either they are complete brain dead morons (so much for Yale) for thinking that they of all people can use fake ID's, especially in Texas, especially with a bunch of Secret Service guys around, and get away with it, or they think no matter what they'll get out of trouble because they're Bushes, dammit, or they're really pissed at Dad. I hope it's the last one because otherwise it's really disgusting and pathetic.

2. I don't care if you're 19, you CANNOT have fun drinking while Dad's pretending to run the country. While they're not doing anything differently from anyone else in the country of that age, do they not get that they just can't do these things? You can't make mistakes like that and expect to get away with it. You will have new assholes ripped in you in public for years and years now. Chelsea was smart enough to know not to get in trouble (and you KNOW it would have been a lot worse for her had she done anything), and you gotta respect her for her restraint and media knowledge. If I were them, I wouldn't so much as get within fifty feet of a bar for four years, much less take a sip of alcohol, ESPECIALLY given Daddy's lushhood. To do otherwise is incredibly stupid. As the children of a Republican, it becomes funny.

"President Bush long ago forfeited his familys right to personal privacy when he announced while campaigning for the right-wing religious vote that what happened in the privacy of his own bedroom was somehow the nations business. He said he thought it a job requirement of a president to remain faithful to his wife.
And the national media has also long ago decided that the personal foibles of the presidents family are fair game not merely for reporting, but also for kind of sanctimonious moralizing that makes watching public affairs television feel as if we are living in an Orwellian republic run by a committee of virginal aunts and great-grandmothers."

"Conservatives have told us it's newsworthy. For years, conservatives have been telling us that they're morally superior, that they raise stronger families, and that they raise their children better than the rest of us mere mortals. And since George W. Bush is the leader of this group of self-ordained moral superiors, the behavior of his own children is a valid target. No one would complain about testing the validity of a politician's economic strategies, so why are family strategies any less relevant when the politician has voluntarily introduced his philosophy on that subject into the public arena?" -ksu93

"You can't threaten the Washington press. Oh sure, the majority are emminently threatenable, like everyone else, and if you actually had real muscle it would be interesting to see who didn't fold, but today? What are they going to do, cut off access to photo ops? Not let them talk to George W? Is that a threat or a bribe? That somebody senior in the administration thinks they can make threats--having just seen what threats do to their Senate majority---speaks to a very serious reality problem." -ASKornheiser

"Chelsea is, by all accounts, a good student and a responsible person. the reason the Enquirer didn't have pictures of her falling down drunk is because she didn't provide them with the ammunition. Even if you believe that the "liberal" media kept quiet about Chelsea's excesses, you cannot belive that is true of the gossip rags--which have been first in line to smear the Bush daughters. And really, with the details of the Arkansas Project becoming public, isn't it obvious that the conservative wing of the media would have been plastering pictures of a drunken Chelsea on every street corner? Also, if only Jenna were a stoner instead of a drinker.... She'd be sitting around her dorm room getting high all day instead of causing trouble in the streets." -mhonan

"Unfortunately for the Bushes, their fellow citizens have a right to know that the first family will be held to the same rules imposed on the rest of us. The necessity for a single standard is greater still when those rules were imposed by the president himself."

"It was more than parental when Bush was running for office. In fact, it was pretty governmental when he wooed voters with his fatherly dedication and paraded his family before the cameras, part of the happy, self-congratulatory Bush dynasty that seems delighted to get attention as long as it's the right kind.
Even though the Bush girls have been charged with violating the laws of Texas -- Jenna for the second time in a month -- we need not make life difficult for the twins. Their father already did that. He ran for president -- reportedly against the wishes of his daughters, who feared precisely this kind of unfair attention. But Bush ran -- and won -- on a platform that roundly criticized Bill Clinton's loosey-goosey approach to the decorum of his office. He all but sneered at Clinton's lack of control over his personal life. And Bush touted his record as Texas governor, including cracking down on crime."

This is interesting..."During a 1996 college tour in Massachusetts, sources told a local reporter that the then-16-year-old had a glass of wine with dinner, clearly a violation of the law. The story caught the attention of the state Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission, which launched an investigation into the allegation. The probe later cleared Chelsea, finding that she drank water that night, but the incident wasn't mentioned on the "Today" show, "Good Morning America," the nightly news broadcasts or cable news channels."

Here's an interesting primer on how these Jenna stories are written, the arguments, etc.

On another note, the nation awakes and realizes the disturbing. "A few nights ago, I was watching The Tonight Show, and [Jay] Leno was making some typical joke about Bush--you know, the kind we've all heard a thousand times before--and I was thinking, 'Boy, wouldn't it be bizarre if he actually got elected?'" said Ocala, FL, homemaker and mother of four Janis Niering. "Then it hit me: 'Wait a minute--I think he was.'"
Even months after Inauguration Day, the presidential situation never really dawned on most Americans. This, political experts say, was largely due to the fact that former president Bill Clinton continued to dominate the news through much of February, March, and April, while the media paid little attention to Bush.
"The stolen White House furniture, the missing Ws from the White House computers, the Clinton office in Harlem, the whole Marc Rich pardon thing... it just seemed like Clinton was still president," said Mary Ellen Buis of Salina, KS. "I know that doesn't make sense, but that's what it was like."

I'm loving this one: even worse presidential children.

But this creeps. me. out. and makes me hate some conservatives even more. "The fight over the Bush twins' drinking bust continues, courtesy of American Politics Journal's Pamela Parker. Parker claims the president's supporters are waging "a bitter jihad of retaliation against Chuy's, the Austin restaurant at which the young lushes violated the law -- and the bar manager who did the right thing and phoned police."
"The attacks against Mia Lawrence, the bar manager, are being orchestrated on the Internet. Her address, date of birth, drivers license and registration information, physical description, and even birth information about her infant child have been posted on Freerepublic.com, along with calls for punitive actions. Freerepublic.com Web site's sysop pulled some of the information as it was called to his attention -- to his credit -- but the info has circulated and been posted to other Internet forums to spread the 'Get Lawrence' frenzy," Parker writes."

Update again: As y'all perhaps predicted, some preferential treatment has gone on.

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Celebrity Survivor

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Movie Titles That Make the Critics' Job Easier

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Rosie looks like crap on latest magazine cover
Here's more on her looking like crap.

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Groped girls get their revenge

Sunday, June 3, 2001
A putting green in the privacy of your own yard
Ironically enough, we also have a putting green at our apartment, located on our patio. Some Astroturf, a cup and balls. We have a swinging pad here, yo.

Sunday, June 3, 2001
The easiest way to get an education
I always wanted to do independent study, particularly in high school since it was so slow and boring. However, it wasn't offered at all in my area. It is around here, though. I was reading it to see how the Davis independent study school did, but they weren't mentioned here. But I was totally shocked to read about Visions, which is apparently the total "school for dummies" program by now. While some people there sounded like they actually worked, others, well...

"One of the more popular ways to earn credit at Visions comes under the heading "Life Skills." This is a course in which students gain high school elective credit for housework, cooking, yard work, baby-sitting, job hunting and working for pay. Under the system, 15 hours equals one credit; kids can earn as many as 15 Life Skills credits a semester.
Wills said students are not supposed to get credit for mundane chores, yard work or cooking, although several interviewed by The Bee said they did. If teenagers baby-sit for credit, Wills said, it should involve the study of children's literature, safety and child development. If they hunt for jobs, they should receive formal training in writing résumés, giving interviews and filling out applications. Again, some students said that was not their experience.
With the instructional freedom can come many differences in the kind of schooling students receive. In English, some may read classic novels such as "A Tale of Two Cities" and write in-depth papers on them, while others may read a book about "The X-Files" and write chapter summaries. And some may read no novels at all.
That has been the case with Jamal Bilal, a quiet 17-year-old who attended Rio Americano before transferring to Visions in January.
"He told his teacher he didn't really like to read," his mother, Diana Treadway, recalled. "So the teacher said, 'OK, we'll find something else for you to do.' "

Saturday, June 2, 2001
No more women spreading it on the ice
And didn't THAT sound dirty?

Saturday, June 2, 2001
So much for quickie Vegas weddings

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Yay Casey!
"Because of his leg, Casey Martin can't put in the same kind of time on the practice range or the putting range as most of his peers on tour. It's not that he doesn't have the will or the want-to, he simply can't.
On the golf course, the cart is no great help either except for saving him from even more pain. At the highest level of the game, most players say they prefer to walk because it allows them to get in a rhythm, gives them time to think about what went wrong or right on their last shot, and what they have to do on their next.
Martin never has much of a chance to contemplate anything except maneuvering his cart in the proper places, where to park it so he won't mow down spectators in his path on the way to the next tee, how to avoid being a distraction for his playing partners."

Saturday, June 2, 2001
A prank so cool the PRINCIPAL likes it

Saturday, June 2, 2001
What hath Kaycee wrought?
On a pretty much off-topic note from the above link, I somehow missed that Mr. little yellow different is a UCD grad. I'm even more amused to find out (on June 1- I'm sure this link will change after the month ends) that he was a member of the same frat that my roommate is currently in (Alpha Phi Omega) and is attending the same banquet as her tonight. I'd be surprised if they actually know each other though, since I don't think she hangs with alumni much. What's even funnier is his comment on "the horrified looks [on] old white men when they realize that the UC Davis chapter of Alpha Phi Omega has turned from a good ol' boy network of Eagle Scouts to around 150 Asian American co-eds", given how many times I've heard my white roommate comment on how few whites there are in the frat, how when they do Big Bro/Little Bro (i.e. get secret gifts and hints, blah blah) nearly everyone supplies the hint that they're Asian and she can't because that would point her out in a heartbeat, etc. I helped her make a Survivoresque immunity idol for the night, so I'm hoping it went over well.

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Scary White Guys
"To be truly scary, a person first needs a strong and unadulterated will to exercise power over others. Then add assets that not many can muster: ready access to a whole lot of money; equally ready access to the media; and a surrounding network of allies and talent -- lawyers, lobbyists, PR agents, political operatives, pollsters, etc -- who can execute orders and get the dirty work done.
How many African Americans have this combination at their disposal? Maybe Colin Powell, but he seems to be one of the least scary members of the Bush cabinet. What women can halt funding for family planning clinics around the world? Reality check: it's only the white guys (actually a certain breed of older, rich white guys) who have Scary Power.
Also, white guys with Scary Power are almost always supported by other white guys. A breakdown of voting by race in the last presidential election tells the story loud and clear. Fully 90 percent of Bush voters were white, as opposed to just 69 percent of Gore's. Gore carried the Latino vote 62 to 34 percent, the Asian vote 55 to 41 percent, and the Black vote a whopping 90 to 8 percent. The gender gap was also significant: Gore won 54 percent of all women voters, 57 percent of women with college degrees and 64 percent of women with advanced degrees. In other words, the only group that voted for Bush was white males. However, white guys supported him so overwhelmingly that, in the election fiasco, they managed to bring him -- and a whole crop of other scary white guys -- into power."

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Weird campaign pledges
"Chris Flachsbart, 16, was suspended from West Deptford High School after promising in a speech to give everyone in his grade a cookie if he were elected.
Flachsbart, who in other parts of the speech said he would put conveyer belts in the hallways and paint the school blue, served his suspension yesterday.
Flachsbart, who Ferry said "had quite a following," will also be disqualified from the race."

We had a guy like that a few years ago, whose platform included free cheese once a week and installing troll statues under the bridges. However, pretty much nobody at the school actually seemed to notice this, much less suspend his ass. Which is pretty funny considering how a few years later people freaked the hell out about some random kid yelling who to vote for near a polling place, as well as some other violation rumors, including balloons being handed out. (For those wondering, the LEAD ticket finally got in at the end after everyone got incredibly fed up with the whole damn thing.)

Saturday, June 2, 2001
REALLY ripping on the combover.
"That's the point of the quote from the Roman poet Martial: "Nothing is more unsightly than a bald man covered with hair." It didn't look good even then! You're talking about 2,000 years ago! How have we not abandoned this? This has been ridiculed for 2,000 years. I can't imagine that you can name even one product or custom that was being ridiculed 2,000 years ago that still exists.
Sure, maybe they want to fix cystic fibrosis or heart disease or whatever, but that's low priority. You've got a lot of bald scientists working on this. In fact, bald scientists have been behind the invention of the hair transplant, the development of Rogaine and Propecia. They have a lot of clout behind the scenes."

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Rooster Rap
A sampling of Joanne's poetry.

"Old MacDonald has a farm and we are on it.
Old MacDonald wears a dress but not a bonnet.
If you don't lay enough, you are gone, doggonit.
We can crow a song but not a sonnet."

Saturday, June 2, 2001
An amusing paragraph...
"If I seem to be showing the hymen something less than complete respect, that's on purpose. It's a fine little membrane, but it's been granted far more significance than it deserves, if you ask me. Girls (and their boyfriends) fret endlessly over its presence, absence, or in-between-sence. Lives have been ruined and even lost over the lack of the silly thing. I can think of no few-square-inches of flesh which have ever been so drastically and often tragically overvalued. That includes the foreskin, by the way, which has two or three major world religions hanging off of it."

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Davis ain't the only place with wildlife tunnels.
Bear underpasses, badger tunnels, and salamander tunnels.

Saturday, June 2, 2001
The Rutles
My favorite bits:
The conspiracy: "And, on the cover of the Shabby Road album, Dirk is crossing the road barefooted. He would obviously had not done this had he been able to hear people warning him that the asphalt would be hot and it would burn his feet."

And check out this brilliant songwriting.

Saturday, June 2, 2001
You ARE the weakest catchphrase!
"NBC deserves some credit for creating the quickest catchphrase-to-cliche cycle in pop-culture history. "You are the weakest link. Goodbye" was over before its source had ever appeared. Is there a "Weakest Link" viewer alive who doesn't cringe by now at each of Robinson's numbing repetitions of the phrase, or at her migraine-inducing attempts to shrink "weakest link," every time she says it, to two syllables?"

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Lodi refuses to have blackouts.
I'm actually pretty proud of them for this. I'm so evil. Notice how they make reference to the "Lodi" song in this?