little ms. "sweet and innocent."

Thursday, April 3, 2003
Hey Mom, I'm gonna go back to school... what am I majoring in? what kind of school is it? Uh.....

Thursday, April 3, 2003
Who Wants To Be A Superhero? Yes, yet another reality show!

Thursday, April 3, 2003
Free Comic Book Day

Thursday, April 3, 2003
Study of history indicates Iraqi war will last 2-10 months.

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
World's dullest weblog.

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
Now you know why they call it cattle country.

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
Ever wonder why so many gay guys are Catholic or Mormon?

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
Where's the worst place to be in a bad economy? Massachusetts.
(Though my cousin there just got a job after years of unemployment, yay! Go figure.)

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
The new political party for young'uns- Party Y!

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
Were you NOT paying attention during the recruitment speeches?
I sympathize with anyone who doesn't want to go have to go kill people, but conscientious objectors who are in the military, well...I find ridiculous.

The recruits say their idealistic expectations of military service -- travel, tuition and adventure -- jarred against the harsh realities of killing another human and ran afoul of deeply held religious, ethical or moral views.
"They don't really advertise that they kill people," Funk said. "I didn't really realize the full implications of what I was doing and what it really meant to be in the service as a reservist."
In San Diego, Marine Staff Sgt. Nick McLaren said the new recruits are clearly told about combat and involuntary recall to active duty in the case of a national emergency.
Funk said his moral quandary had begun at boot camp, where he was trained to shout "kill, kill" as he slashed with his weapon."

What part of "You HAVE TO KILL PEOPLE IF YOU JOIN" do they miss before going in?!?

I find it funny that the guy conscientiously objecting in this story is, well, one who would normallly be kicked out in a heartbeat.

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
This is why you shouldn't go on reality TV.

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
Man, it's a pain when good news happens on April 1st...
He wasn't the only one to think it was an April Fool's joke.

Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Here's a site that helps you find cheaper gas in your area.
Assuming you live in a semi-metropolitan city, anyway.

Tuesday, April 1, 2003
The best April Fool's spoof I've seen today.
And the other best spoof I've seen all day. Both funny, and almost-but-not-quite believeable. How an April Fool's site should be done.

The Top 100 Pranks.

They had fun in this newspaper. I especially love the advice of gambling experts:
"Only play games where odds of winning are better than 1 in 80,000. Anything less is not a good bet.
"Read the Observer, and pay special attention to numbers in Omarr's Horoscope. Sidney Omarr died earlier this year, but he can still pick 'em.
"Don't believe a word of this article; it's an April Fool's joke. If you think there's a way to beat the lottery, you might as well throw your money down a rat hole."

Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Amusing questions asked of a newspaper.
The broken crayons and "how much is a Lincoln bill worth?" are my favorites.

Tuesday, April 1, 2003
And you thought a Saddam Hussein *lookalike* had it bad...

Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Other states with do-not-call lists.
Compiled by Girlhacker.

Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Beware Of The Toads
Yup, same old, same old, propagates everywhere.

Monday, March 31, 2003
Sarah Bunting hits it on the head.
"As cynical as I often seem, my cynicism is usually just the candy shell that keeps the center from melting, but the war…it's every hopeless immutable aspect of human nature, every bromide about failing to learn from history, every piece of damning evidence about the behavior of power that we already had on file, and walking past the newspaper boxes on the street and seeing it in that big capitalized Times font that we all have come to dread, I get tired beyond the describing of it.
Any reaction I have is futile. Thinking about it, talking about it, marching to protest it, voting, mourning...futile. Hopeless. Irrelevant. Won't change or save anything, doesn't matter."

And people wonder why I hate the so-called "president" and why I really didn't want him "elected." Him and his money and his cronies are taking our power away.

"Because ohhh, how I hate the stupid bully. I hate his smugness. I hate his hair. I hate the way he says "evil" like he's got a bone in his throat. I hate his tax cuts, I hate his stance on my uterus, I hate the whole goddamn war and every goddamn thing that led up to it that makes me ashamed of my citizenship and afraid of the retaliation that will undoubtedly come, and I hate that I can't do a thing about any of it, really, except sit around hating, and then I hate that, too."

Monday, March 31, 2003
How bored must I be to keep on clicking through this?

Monday, March 31, 2003
Californians only: sign up to get on the do not call list.

Monday, March 31, 2003
If you live in Seattle and have a dog, watch out. Seriously.
"Seattle dog owners, take note: Under the city's current dangerous animals law, your dog can be reported as "potentially dangerous" by an anonymous complainant; there's no way to appeal and two such "potentially dangerous" notices can get your dog designated dangerous.
You can appeal a dangerous designation but you'll probably need a lawyer to prevail, and not everyone can afford one. (Plus the city will keep your dog in custody during the several months -- or, in some cases, years -- it takes to resolve your case.)
If you lose, the city will kill your dog -- or, in some cases, permanently exile him to a shelter that will never let you see him again. Worse yet, because of vague and ambiguous wording in the current law, all this can happen even if your dog was acting to protect you or herself from an attack -- and even if your dog never touched anyone.
Bottom line: Under the current law, there's not a dog in the city that is safe."

Good LORD, this is so wrong.

Monday, March 31, 2003
Scientists claim to have come up with a formula for the perfect couple.
"They say the man needs to be 1.09 times taller than the woman.
Dr Boguslaw Pawlowski, of Poland's Wroclaw University, says it's all down to our genes.
He believes we automatically seek a partner of a certain height who will give us the right size children."

This is funny, since coincidentally that is the difference in our heights. Guess that worked out, then, huh? ;) Though "right size children" is debateable, since his family has 'em huge and well, I'm not. Eeek.

Monday, March 31, 2003
Heidi may be canned for stripping on television.
Yet another person who doesn't realize that teachers have to be perfect, perfect, perfect, in order to keep a job these days. What an idiot.

Monday, March 31, 2003
Send a free fax protesting Patriot Act II
Here's why you should: "She referred to the recently leaked Justice Department draft bill, the Domestic Security Enhancement Act of 2003, commonly known as Patriot Act II. "It would make over 100 changes to existing law," she said. But as recently as March 4, Attorney General John Ashcroft was being coy about it, refusing to discuss any of the 86-page draft at a Senate hearing.
Among the more extreme powers Patriot Act II would grant the executive branch: The ability to strip citizenship from an American who supports a group the feds label as terrorist. Secret arrests the government could avoid revealing the location of, charges against, and evidence on someone it was holding. Far looser checks on search-and-seizure activities of law enforcement. And a DNA database for people deemed to be terrorist suspects.
Yet wartime has traditionally meant deferring to the executive. The entire post-September 11 period may have seemed like one big state of war, with the Justice Department successfully skirting Congress and pushing every constitutional challenge to higher, more administration-friendly courts. But given the actual war in Iraq, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said last week, Americans can expect that "protections [of their individual rights] will be ratcheted right down to the constitutional minimum."
Ashcroft deflected angry Senate queries on Patriot Act II, saying "it would be the height of absurdity" to imagine the administration's hustling through a law without congressional review. Yet on October 25, 2001, 98 out of 99 voting senators hurriedly passed the 342-page Patriot Act Iwithout any public debate and before most of them had read it. The White House made clear their votes would be spun as a test of their patriotism. Votes on Patriot Act II could also be a testof who has the patriotism to right democracy's severely lopsided structure of checks and balances."

Monday, March 31, 2003
And people thought it was bad when we got a toad tunnel, but...
at least our ex-mayor didn't take up being a traffic guard.

Monday, March 31, 2003
I'm not getting the logic of this behavior either.
"If you pay money to have somebody stick a tube in your rear end and you didn't feel better, the theory of cognitive dissidence would say you're the biggest fool in the world."

Monday, March 31, 2003
DARE graduate objects to 420-named pizza, yet Munchie, Toasted, & Green Leaf remain acceptable on menu specials.
Uh-HUH.

Monday, March 31, 2003
The Tolkien Test
Sample questions:

"1. Just exactly what was the nature of the friendship between Gimli and Legolas?
2. If Aragorn had the option, would he have ditched the Fellowship for a date with Pamela Anderson?
3. Why didn't Gandalf just blow up the armies that got in his way, if he was so powerful?
7. If Aragorn truly spent uncounted years as a lone Ranger, then where the hell is Tonto? And why doesn't he wear that mask?
9. When Isildur had control of the One Ring, why didn't he use it to command the Ringwraiths? Or the Elven-rings? Or the Dwarven-rings? He could have ruled the whole of Middle-earth with that Ring, yet he decided instead to just write a couple of letters and then go for an unfortunate swim. What's his problem, anyway? Was he stupid?
11. Why is the tale of Beren and Luthien subtitled "Release from Bondage", when we never even once get to see her tied up? (And I was really hoping, too.)"

Also included is Saruman's Diary.
"This has been a really wretched day. I no sooner finish sending my armies after Edoras when what happens? Some psychotic tree comes and starts hammering at the Gate and yelling like hell. And when my stupid ineffectual guards can't get rid of it - what the hell's wrong with them? Aren't they fed well enough? - it calls more trees, and they all start tearing apart the Ring! The whole damned Ring of Isengard! One of them got in and tried to kill me! The damned monstrosity chased me all the way back to the Tower, screaming that I was a "tree-killer"; I was lucky to make it back in alive! What the hell is this? Why are they so upset over one lousy desk?!"

Monday, March 31, 2003
Oh, the plight of the Saddam Hussein lookalike in America today...
In other words, from a starring role in "Hot Shots!" to everyone suddenly being embarrassed to be around him. Ugh. Poor guy.

This aspiring pop star has one huge strike against her if she wants to make it in the US...

Monday, March 31, 2003
I think this one discounts the theory around the election that...
"Well, it's okay to have a dumb president if he has a bunch of advisors."

Friday, March 28, 2003
I'm planning on a move...
I finally caved in and bought a domain name (not working at the time of typing, but should be working in another 24 hours or so?), and should I figure out the whole Moveable Type thing, I'll probably move this weblog over there. I like Pitas lots, but not being able to edit the archives here is kinda a problem. (As anyone who's tried to use the search engine can see, there's entries back when I used to have pictures from Tripod on here. Now those pages made then are unreadable.) We shall see...

Friday, March 28, 2003
Behind the scenes stories from various jobs

Friday, March 28, 2003
The Baghdad Times: a spoof

Friday, March 28, 2003
It's been an experience creating hair and breasts for a dolphin!

Friday, March 28, 2003
Dinner in the Dark: the new blind dating.
Only, well, it's gotten rather ridiculous: "The dinner erupted into a melee of shouting patrons, crashing glassware and flying slices of bread. As plates shattered, diners burst into rounds of adolescent cheering.
"We were just copping feels under the table. I felt like I was in kindergarten," said Sabreena, a 33-year-old attorney, standing amid broken glass in the littered dining room after the meal."

Friday, March 28, 2003
People would rather watch Friends reruns than the war.
Big surprise.

Friday, March 28, 2003
Oh lord.
Well, Bush is gonna win the primaries anyway, we're having major budget problems, let's just cancel elections, hand it to him on a platter, and be done with it!

Yes, they are SERIOUS.

Do I even live in America any more? I really just can't tell.

Friday, March 28, 2003
Did we really need to know this?

Friday, March 28, 2003
America's biggest readers.
I could so fit in on this list. And I always wondered who was the fastest...sadly, not me!

Friday, March 28, 2003
Handmaid's Tale is now an opera.

Friday, March 28, 2003
Bad Jocks: keeping track of all the incidents.

Friday, March 28, 2003
It's a spoof....for now...
"A "Safe Conduct" leaflet, distributed deep inside opposition territory, describes two choices in no uncertain terms: Fight and die, or surrender and live.
Delivered by top Bush administration officials to Democrats and moderate Republicans in the House of Representatives, it is credited with coercing the approval of a .2 trillion budget expected to set record deficits exceeding 0 billion.
The leaflet is quite specific in its instruction:
Safe Conduct
Your career in politics does not have to end. You will be safe if you cease resistance. You must follow these steps strictly:
1. Remove all thought of debate from your mind
2. When called upon to vote, say "Aye"
3. Put your hands in your pockets, lower your head and sit quietly
4. Keep these instructions on your person at all times, for future reference
If you do this you will survive. You will be treated well and return someday to face your constituency."

Friday, March 28, 2003
How to play holochess with Artoo and Chewie
Also, all about sabacc and the cards to play it with.

Friday, March 28, 2003
EVERYONE has a LiveJournal.
Some people even have more than one.

Friday, March 28, 2003
It's like Herland, only with pythons.

Friday, March 28, 2003
I want these when I'm at the dentist next time.

Friday, March 28, 2003
eBay winner finds out he loses because he's from Canada
Oh, for crying out loud in a bucket!

Meanwhile, India will be adding itself to America's little boycott list because it's fashionable to look like Saddam there. Weirdoes.

French's Mustard denies any rumors of Frenchness. *groan*

Friday, March 28, 2003
The Dixie Chicks-hating mob will be going after this guy next
A Brit living in France named Eric Bush is changing his name to Buisson (French for bush) because he's ashamed to have the last name now.

And speaking of... check this spoof apology out:
"But now, thanks to the thousands of angry people who want radio stations to boycott our music because criticizing the President is unpatriotic, I realize it's wrong to have a liberal opinion if you're a country music artist. I guess I should have thought about that before deciding to play music that attracts hypocritical red necks.
I also realize now that I'm supposed to just sing and look cute so our fans won't have anything to upset them while they're cheating on their wives or getting in drunken bar fights or driving around in their pickup trucks shooting highway signs and small animals.
And most important of all, I realize that it's wrong for a celebrity to voice a political opinion, unless they're Charlie Daniels, Clint Black, Merle Haggard, Barbara Mandrell, Loretta Lynn, Ricky Skaggs, Travis Tritt, Hank Williams Jr, Amy Grant, Larry Gatlin, Crystal Gayle, Reba McEntire, Lee Greenwood, Lorrie Morgan, Anita Bryant, Mike Oldfield, Ted Nugent, Wayne Newton, Dick Clark, Jay Leno, Drew Carey, Dixie Carter, Victoria Jackson, Charleton Heston, Fred Thompson, Ben Stein, Bruce Willis, Kevin Costner, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Bo Derek, Rick Schroeder, George Will, Pat Buchanan, Bill O'Reilly, Joe Rogan, Delta Burke, Robert Conrad or Jesse Ventura."

Friday, March 28, 2003
I can't believe they did these out of snow!

Friday, March 28, 2003
The life of a Stoner
Politician makes up signs with his last name on them. Last name in question happens to be "Stoner." High schoolers steal the signs. Is anyone other than him surprised at this?

This reminds me of another Stoner I knew in college, whose older brother was going to the same school. At UCD, the e-mail addresses are traditionally your first and middle initials and last name. The two Stoners happened to have the same initials, and therefore she couldn't get hers. Somehow the brother talked the sister into getting imastoner@ucd. Our TA was all "oh, one of my kids thinks they're cute."

Friday, March 28, 2003
The no-car-porn bill has its issues.

Friday, March 28, 2003
Aaarrrrggggghhhhh. As if we didn't have enough religion issues with this war?
I guess that just shoots the hell out of celebrating St. Patrick's Day, then. Gah!!

So, if it's a "day of fasting and prayer," does that mean we get a legal holiday, or do we have to pray at our desks all through lunch at work? :P

I think I'd make sure I went out to lunch that day. And why on earth the fasting?

Friday, March 28, 2003
Say goodbye to whitehouse.com!

Friday, March 28, 2003
The Historian of Things That Never Were
Very long, detailed timelines of plenty of fictional (mostly sci-fi) films and books and whatnot. Geek rating: 5 stars.

Thursday, March 20, 2003
Amen to that.

Thursday, March 20, 2003
32 Candles. On the USA Network.
Probably about as bad as it sounds. One of those movies that perhaps should NOT have a sequel?

Thursday, March 20, 2003
With a name like Dick Smothers, Jr., it was bound to happen, sez Fark

Thursday, March 20, 2003
School layoffs: right now it's a satire...

Thursday, March 20, 2003
The car porn thing had more legislative value than THIS.

Thursday, March 20, 2003
Welcome to war! BYOTP!
"When I see my government can send billion to Turkey or billions to Israel, but then they don't even take care of our own troops' most basic needs, it's mind-boggling." Why they'd classify TP as a "bring your own" item when it's not like you can go hit the corner grocery store to go GET it is beyond me.

Thursday, March 20, 2003
The Gulf War Drinking Game

Thursday, March 20, 2003
What it's like to audition for Puppetry of the Penis

Thursday, March 20, 2003
Is that Faith the actress or Faith the character?
Okay, so Faith Ford is going to be on a show called Hope and Faith- and she's playing Hope?!? Isn't that gonna be confusing?

Thursday, March 20, 2003
Yeah, RIGHT.
"It happened for reasons unknown to himself," my ass. Like what, he was just casually vacuuming while naked?

Thursday, March 20, 2003
Oh, for crying out loud in a bucket.
South Carolina is trying to force the Dixie Chicks to have a free concert for troops to apologize. And the resolution passed!

"But only after they apologize first for exercising their free speech, is that correct?" asked House Minority Leader James Smith, a Democrat."

"Chrissie Hynde could say that and get away with it. Hynde, of the Pretenders, said in the middle of a concert in San Francisco a week or so ago that she hopes the United States loses the war. Not a ripple, not a peep. You are supposed to say stuff like that in rock. If anything, a rock star who started spouting off in defense of America would lose record sales.
But a country music star spouting off against America? Goodbye, Dixie Chicks."

Columbine's got a point- nobody can discuss this stuff calmly and rationally, it seems.

Thursday, March 20, 2003
Amanda's memorial (temporary link)
Wow. Reading this sounds like she was an incredibly cool person to hang around. Sorry I never got to meet her. I can't imagine what it must be like to be friends with so many famous writers and have them be sad that you're gone, either.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Hmmm, bribery could be an interesting way to get a job...

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Title of the Ad
About one of the funniest yet most generic er, personal ads I've ever seen.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
The media isn't reporting that!
"One of the most familiar tropes in these e-mails is: "Why is no one in the media reporting that . . .?" Well, you know, if no one in the media is reporting it, where did you find out about it? Are your sources inside Halliburton or the British Parliament or the SEC that good? Or are you just repeating something that someone wrote, someone who alleged that the media wasn't reporting Shocking Fact X, unaware that in the act of writing, that person became the media?" Hee!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Sign the petition to get the original Star Wars on DVD!
Han shoots first, dammit!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Peace Blogs

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
My future mother in law wants new boobs for the wedding.
Hee hee hee!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Maternity clothes make you look like the baby you are carrying
Memorable, yet disturbing quotes:

"This class is really helpful. It's replacing my denial with all sorts of useful new skills. Like panic."

Dear God. I have to write 350 more words in 35 minutes. Which is only 20 minutes measured in Oreo" years. (I began to measure time in units of Oreo-eating at Month 6, and it's become second nature. I will doubtless time my contractions in Oreo units as well.)"

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
The Love Bus!...well, not any more
Dad gum, I wish I coulda tried that.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Hey! No criticizing my luggage!
So this guy was flying somewhere and had a "No Iraq War" sign in his bag. A baggage screener actually left him a "don't appreciate your anti-American attitude!" NOTE in his luggage!

On a local note, one of my coworkers went to New Orleans and was bringing back beads to hand out. The luggage inspector actually took out the beads and stole them. Whoever it was didn't leave a note, though :P

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
People get on me for PDA, but I have never been this bad...
"Gothic Miss Manners, I am not a prude or a sourpuss, but when I ask people what they bought on a recent shopping trip and they pause in the middle of describing their purchases to swap saliva and reassure themselves that they both still have buttocks, I have no idea what to do. Should I wander off and leave them to it? Politely look away? Wait for them to finish as if they were suffering from an unfortunate sneezing or hiccupping fit? I have tried jokily saying Get a room!but they only seem to take this as encouragement."

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Can we just drag this guy out and shoot him? Please?
Emily mentioned this disturbing incident coming up at her school, ugh. I would have never figured something like this to happen, EVER. Fucking Fred Phelps is going to have a protest against Mr. Rogers. Yes, after he's DEAD, they are going to throw a hissy fit because he never outright said on his TV show that gays are the worst people in the entire universe and should all be shot. (Okay, perhaps a little sarcasm there ":)") Oh yeah, and gays caused Sept. 11 and the Columbia crash. Uh, yeah, and how does THAT work again?

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
The sarcasm smiley
":)" I love it.

Monday, March 17, 2003
The Very Secret Diaries of Star Wars IV
This one's my own private amusement so far- I figured it would be better to start a separate site for it. So far I've got up an intro, Han, Leia, and Luke.

Monday, March 17, 2003
I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world...
Barbie has a blog. and good lord, is it dull. I'd like to see Aqua try making their own version of this- it'd be a lot more fun. And feel less like really bad advertising.

Monday, March 17, 2003
You DON'T want to be a mascot. Pee-yew.

Monday, March 17, 2003
The Condom Game
One of my favorites. Catch the condom!

Monday, March 17, 2003
What is a geek? Best answer I've heard in awhile.

Monday, March 17, 2003
Anne Robinson does April Fool
"The host wore a pink leather jacket instead of her usual black outfit for the one-off show. And she uttered words of encouragement and praise rather than her usual sarcastic jokes and comments."

Monday, March 17, 2003
Don't look at this page if you plan on eating any time soon.
And what on earth is with all the Mexican dishes being put into quotation marks? Like, are they fake "tacos?"

Monday, March 17, 2003
The new intriguing Joe Millionaire clone
I'll be watching this like the reality whore that I am, I'm sure...

Monday, March 17, 2003
The world's worst driver makes me feel so much better about myself.
Though admittedly, she lives in England, which as you may recall from previous linkage has the worst, most hard to pass driving tests. But really, I dunno about her husband buying her a brand new fancy car...

Monday, March 17, 2003
Sprint will send you phone bills even if you're dead.
Get this: (a) the dude died seven years ago, (b) the bill was sent to the cemetery he's in, where I'm sure he's been making a LOT of calls from, (c) the bill was for 12 cents, (d) 10 cents of which was from a call he apparently made 5 years after DEATH.

Even funnier: someone is actually worried about his credit being hurt by not paying his bill!

Monday, March 17, 2003
Love how crooked the White House is with regards to the media...
"The catch was this: The interview would be off the record. Any quotes I wanted to put into the newspaper would have to be e-mailed to the press office. If approved, the quotation could be attributed to a White House official. (This has become fairly standard practice.)
Since the profile focused on Hubbard's efforts to translate relatively arcane macroeconomic theory into public policy, the quote I wanted referenced the president's effort to end the double taxation of dividends: "This is probably the most academic proposal ever to come out of an administration." The press office said it was fine, but the official wanted a little change. Instead, the quote was to read, "This is probably the purest, most far reaching economic proposal ever to come out of an administration." I protested that the point of the quote was the word 'academic,' so the quote was again amended to state, "This is probably the purest, most academic, most far reaching economic proposal ever to come out of an administration."
What appeared in the Washington Post was, "This is probably the purest, most academic ... economic proposal ever to come out of an administration." What followed was an angry denunciation by the White House press official, telling me I had broken my word and violated journalistic ethics. I had, of course, violated journalistic ethics, by placing into quotation marks a phrase that was never uttered by the source, ellipses or no ellipses. I had also played ball with the White House using rules that neither I nor any other reporter should be assenting to. I think it is time for all of us to reconsider the way we cover the White House. If administration officials want to speak off the record, they are off the record. If they are on background as an administration official, I suppose that's the best we can expect. But! the notion that reporters are routinely submitting quotations for approval, and allowing those quotes to be manipulated to get that approval, strikes me as a step beyond business as usual.
And the problem, as Weisman is not the first to point out, is that the Washington press is allowing itself to be tamed in the name of maintaining access to the White House. The odd thing is, as Weisman and others have described it, no one really gets any unfettered access to anyone in the executive branch, so essentially they're worrying about losing access they don't have.
The challenge is how to cover the White House when it doesn't tell you anything, or is intent on controlling everything it tells you. For a press corps used to leaks and self-promoting aides willing to share information, it's a difficult concept to get its collective head around."

Monday, March 17, 2003
Palm Art

Monday, March 17, 2003
The Queen of Lame.
Okay, so this clean-living perfect woman and her son are sitting in a car one day at a stoplight, when they see that the guy ahead of them has set up his car to watch movies and is watching porn. She loses it and wants legislators to ban this sort of thing from polluting her child's eyes.

For one, HELLO, PUBLIC DOMAIN?, for two, how often is ANYONE likely to see this happening, and for three, don't legislators have more important things to be worrying about right now?

Update, next day: Well, I just wanna cry. Because apparently, one Tennessee legislator really doesn't have anything better to be worrying about. I'm amazed this happened in two different states, at that.

Monday, March 17, 2003
Kismet rocks.
"And since when does one head of state have the right to set an ultimatum that another head of state (no matter how much of an asshole) has to "leave the country"?"

Monday, March 17, 2003
They now have tournaments for Rock Paper Scissors.
Hard to believe it's gone this far... though the strategy is interesting.

"Experienced players say winning is not just a matter of luck but strategy. On their first throw, Walker said, novices throw out a fist -- a Rock -- nearly 2 out of 3 times. So any player worth his or her salt knows a flat hand -- Paper -- will beat an amateur.
Seasoned players also try to "cloak" -- that is, wait until the very last possible moment before showing their hand, Walker said. Some contestants wore gloves, while others wore hats or sunglasses to shield their eyes.
Jeff Johnson, a 31-year-old salesman from Santa Rosa, focused on sizing up the competition.
"Whenever you see a tense muscle," he said, flexing his biceps, "they're going Rock. If they look relaxed, it's going to be Paper."

Monday, March 17, 2003
Entrances to Hell in the United Kingdom
I didn't know that was the official entry location to Hell. You'd figure these days it'd be er, somewhere else.

Monday, March 17, 2003
Oh, gee, I missed Steak and Blowjob Day.

Monday, March 17, 2003
In France, American cheese is now referred to as idiot cheese.
A town in North Carolina has declared April "French Trade Month" in support of France's stand against any US war on Iraq.

New Orleans says, "Piss off, we like the French."

What our language would really be like without French influence>

The French recommend that you send Bush a pretzel.

Monday, March 17, 2003
No, people really aren't stupid enough to fall for this kind of advertising crap.

Monday, March 17, 2003
The story of the birth control pill
I never get to see stuff like this when it's actually on TV, but the transcript alone is quite interesting.

Monday, March 17, 2003
Anti-war movie starts are being blacklisted from the Oscar presenting jobs.
Nice.

Go Natalie.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Statue of female war veterans should be wearing a skirt.
Uh, yeah, because soldiers ALWAYS fight in skirts. Morons!

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
I dunno if this is such a great idea...
"Fifty years after two men conquered Mount Everest, a Sherpa is determined to set up a cybercafe at the 17,400-foot-high base camp of the world's highest mountain. Besides freezing temperatures and storms, there is no electricity or plumbing at the site. There aren't any permanent buildings, either.
"The Internet cafe I am planning will be in a temporary shed built with stone walls and covered with a tent," said entrepreneur Tsering Gyalzen, whose grandfather was one of more than 100 Sherpas who carried equipment and supplies in the 1953 expedition.
Gyalzen said he is forced to build a temporary structure because the base camp sits on a glacier that moves a few inches a day."

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
The Church of Pure Evil
What's funny is that I know this guy IRL, and IRL he's very quiet and dead serious. You'd never know he was this strange...

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
We don't DO mandatory standing ovations over here, Dubya.
Good for them for not caving in on that one. Lord knows I'm about ready to puke every time another one of those happens on TV here.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Firefly gag reel
If it's still on the net, here's several links to where you can try and download gag stuff from Firefly. Good luck.

Also, there's a Firefly script for one of the unaired episodes, "Heart of Gold."

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
And you thought Barbie's body had a bad influence on children?

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Camelot: The Very Secret Diaries
Those of you who've read the LOTR Very Secret Diaries will enjoy this. Hell, I'm about ready to start my own.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
The hell?
Helping someone who's been SHOT is "no good reason" to be away from your job.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Adopted man finds out he's Nigerian royalty.
Cool.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003
How'd you like to have that occupational hazard?

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Bush Offers 0 If We Go To War
Yup, it's the Onion: "Amid growing anti-war protests and polls indicating eroding public support for an invasion of Iraq, President Bush is offering U.S. taxpayers a rebate in the amount of 0 if we go to war.
"The plan is almost identical to the tax rebate offered in 2001," Bush said. "With the minor exception, of course, of the provision that Americans react favorably to the deployment of 210,000 troops to the Persian Gulf."
To ensure public support, the following will appear in fine print below the endorsement line on the back of each check: "By signing and cashing this check, the above is hereby indicating his or her consent to a U.S. invasion of Iraq, and will refrain from attending protest rallies or committing any other act that could reasonably be construed as an expression of disapproval of said war."
"Americans need two things right now: economic relief and the elimination of the threat of terrorism." Bush said. "These rebates take care of both. I can't think of a better way to show the citizens of this nation that war truly pays."

I love this one, but think about it: Bush is gonna go to war no matter what the rest of the country says about it. No need to bribe us.

And once again, I bring you Mark Morford: "These are the final days of peace in America." (Literally, apparently. Crap.) "Please remember to turn off the lights and lock up when you leave.
These are the last days of relative calm before we start bombing and massacring hundreds of thousands of people and in so doing enter into what many believe will a very long, drawn-out, insanely expensive, volatile, destabilizing, completely unwinnable war against a cheap thug of an opponent who has negligible military might and zero capacity to actually harm the U.S. in any substantive way. U-S-A! U-S-A!
This will not be Desert Storm. This will not be quick and painless. This will be 3,000 guided missiles launched on the first day of the war, 10 times that of Desert Storm, turning Iraq into an instant wasteland. This is already a minimum of 0 billion, with an additional billion to try and bribe Turkey alone, just to begin with. This is total unabashed war gluttony.
Some estimates put the total cost of this war, when all is said and done which it never will be, at trillion. Enjoy that recession, kids -- it's gonna be here a while.
And say good-bye to your sons and daughters, too. Bush's own decorated army generals have said this invasion and occupation will require hundreds of thousands of American GIs -- quite possibly our entire enlisted force, all mobilized to one region, much of it for years to come, even after Saddam is ousted -- in an attempt to control and stabilize an extremely volatile and irate and terror-ready region. Do we know this?
It is called the Bush Doctrine, a.k.a. Shut the Hell Up You Durn Foreigners and Eat Our Might, and it is in flagrant defiance of not just the U.N. charter and international law but also every moral and philosophical tenet America itself was founded on."

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Can I hear a bitch slap, please?
"Two lawmakers left the floor of the Washington House of Representatives during a prayer by a Muslim religious leader this week, citing patriotism and a lack of interest. McMahan said she did not oppose having a Muslim deliver the prayer but left because "the religion is the focal point of the hate-America sentiment in the world."
"It's an issue of patriotism," she said. "Even though the mainstream Islamic religion doesn't profess to hate America, nonetheless it spawns the groups that hate America."

Oh yeah, you're a real sweetie.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
White History Year recommences after February break

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Coolest. Playhouses. EVER.
She's even got a theater, treehouse, pirate ship, and a clubhouse, as well as a lot of castles, forts, and other funky play structures. I like these the best. She even did one for Bicentennial Man.

I could live in these houses. Okay, I could really live in this one. It has a kitchen with running water, sunroom and media room, sitting room and upstairs bedroom. Hell, instead of saving up shitloads and getting loans to get a real house, perhaps we should just get one of these someday ;) (Okay, I can imagine the boy's reaction to this would be a fat no...)

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Play with a cabana boy!

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
The Bachelor Priest
Oh MAN!

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Random Blog Quotes.
Looks like fun!

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
You know, Doogie Howser looks surprisingly good as a Goth...
(Hope your jaws didn't hit the floor too hard there!)

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
How many people in Britain have your name?
21 have mine, which this site claims is "rarer than a wombat's wing nut." Hah. I've found over thirty of me on the Internet before, this is nothing much.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Duct Tape Fashion
I'm amazed at the enormous backlog of orders that they have here. DAMN. Though hell, if I get bored one weekend, perhaps I'll try making a duct tape backpack?

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
If Joss Whedon took over Peanuts...
Yes, Angel will return to Buffy for the finale after all. Sure, I dig this one up a day after posting the other...

Monday, March 3, 2003
Rubbish Monkey: cartoon monkey doodles

Monday, March 3, 2003
A brother goes off to war.
This was touching.

Monday, March 3, 2003
Which Happy Bunny are you?

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

If I ever decide to rename this weblog for whatever reason, I should call it "cute but psycho."

Monday, March 3, 2003
Toad tunnels continue to catch on worldwide! We're not the only crazy ones!

Monday, March 3, 2003
Naked Dave: One Woman's Obsession
Bizarre.

Monday, March 3, 2003
Beer Stand

Monday, March 3, 2003
A STUFFED CHRISTMAS CTHULU. With BELLS HANGING OFF and a HAT.
Now THAT is truly, truly disturbing.

Monday, March 3, 2003
Yet another advertising horror: branding students on the forehead.

Monday, March 3, 2003
Wrong Trousers Day

Monday, March 3, 2003
Woman tries staying in a locked, sealed-with-duct-tape room for 24 hours per government instruction.
"Turn off all ventilation, including furnaces, air conditioners, vents and fans. Seek shelter in an internal room, preferably one without windows. Seal the room with duct tape and plastic sheeting," advises the Federal Emergency Management Agency's website." However, this isn't exactly safe to do after about five hours!

Monday, March 3, 2003
Dirty Origami

Monday, March 3, 2003
David Boreanaz has NOT been asked to guest on Buffy yet. Surprise.

Monday, March 3, 2003
Letters to Harry Potter Characters that have been Despoiled in Fanfic
(Mar, who dug this up, is one perverse girl. And made me laugh all over the place.)

Dear Sirius, I'm sorry for implying that Dementors feed off the negative emotions created by gang rape as there is no indication in canon that Dementors enjoy anything except possibly a good football game.

Dear Draco, I'm sorry I made you blow Snape in return for Potions ingredients because canonically you probably would have gotten in trouble in with Filch for being out so late.

Dear Ginny, I am sorry I made you pregnant at such a young age as, canonically, this is obviously never going to happen. I don't know why I thought it was going to happen in the first place. I must have been smoking something.

Dear Ginny, I'm sorry I made you sleep with Ron. Nobody should have to sleep with Ron.

Dear Fred and George: Where to begin?

Dear Draco, I'm sorry I made you a male model. In canon, if you were a model, you would be unlikely to waste your newfound sexual opportunities on Ginny fucking Weasley.

Dear Harry and Draco: I'm sorry for the engorgement charm and the bondage and the transvestitism and the Polyjuicing into Snape and the internal injuries and also, the spelling.

Dear Draco, I'm sorry about that love potion. I've felt bad ever since shades of misery ghosted across Harry's emerald eyes and your moonbeam hair and what a hell of a thing to happen to a guy, you know?

Dear Harry, I'm sorry about making you a drug-dealing, self-prostituting, pornography-distributing gym owner. Probably only one of those things will happen in 00tP.

Dear Snape, I'm sorry I called you "Sevvie."

Dear Dumbledore, I'm sorry I allowed Ginny to terrify you with her fabulous magical powers, especially since in canon you could crush her Mary Sue-ing ass like a bug.

Dear Draco, I'm sorry I married you off to Lex Luthor in an arcane Kryptonian bonding ritual. In canon this will probably not happen as JKR does not watch Smallville since it is a terrifyingly bad show.

Dear Ron, I'm sorry for enjoying the stories where you sleep with Ginny. Or die. Or both.

Dear Ginny, Let's just consider this a blanket apology for anything that may come up in the future.

Dear Snape, I'm sorry for turning you into a pedophile.
Dear Dumbledore, I'm sorry for turning you into a pedophile.
Dear Sirius, I'm sorry for turning you into a pedophile.

Dear Hermione, I'm sorry I let you feel the way you did about Snape, Draco, Sirius, Harry, Dumbledore, Cho, and Ginny. I'm sure you haven't been around the block that many times.

Dear Harry, Terribly sorry I made you snog flobberworms and put them in unmentional places.

Dear Draco, Really sorry about the genital warts. Really."

And make sure you check the picture of Draco with "I know you're writing gay porn about me."

Monday, March 3, 2003
UCD monkey missing, presumed dead.
In the first and only article the Aggie printed on the subject, there's this disturbing quote: "Hyde said it was only a matter of luck that a healthy monkey, and not one of the center’s pathogen-carrying monkeys, had escaped into the piping that leads to a campus wastewater treatment plant." Well, gee, I feel SO MUCH BETTER about the idea of y'all bringing a level 4 lab onto campus now! And people wonder why I'm a NIMBY...

Monday, March 3, 2003
Uh, what's the point of this?

Monday, March 3, 2003
The vast majority of people say they have been mentally tortured at one point in their lives by a song that repeats.
"And new research shows that people most frequently plagued by this phenomenon are those with slightly neurotic tendencies, and people who enjoy and listen to music often. These mental broken records are also more likely to play the first or last song we hear in different situations, such as the first song that comes on in the morning alarm, or the last song playing before we turn off the car, study findings show.
Songs that topped the list as being most likely to stick around in someone's head included the Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out?" and the Chili's restaurant jingle about Baby Back Ribs.
Kellaris's previous research into the phenomenon of earworms revealed that "sticky" songs are those that are relatively simple, repetitive, and contain an element that surprises the listener. This incongruous element can be an interrupted pattern, or something that violates expectations of what comes next.
Songs with lyrics were most often the culprits, a trend that Kellaris said is not surprising. Often what gets sticky is not just a tune, but also lyrics, a trend he calls "stupid lyrics syndrome." Combining a tune and lyrics ups the chance of song snippets staying with the listener for hours, he said.
And new research shows that people most frequently plagued by this phenomenon are those with slightly neurotic tendencies, and people who enjoy and listen to music often. These mental broken records are also more likely to play the first or last song we hear in different situations, such as the first song that comes on in the morning alarm, or the last song playing before we turn off the car, study findings show.
Strategies people report using to rid themselves of stuck tunes involved trying to listen to something else, distracting themselves with another activity, and trying to erase the repetition of one song snippet by singing the song all the way through.
"If they can't remember the lyrics, sometimes it helps for them to sing through the entire song, and then it will go away," Kellaris said."

My ex used to say that singing either (a) the Smurfs theme or (b) Chili's baby back ribs would get a stuck song out of your head. Of course, what that meant was that you then got one of THOSE songs stuck in your head...

And speaking of other weird shit my ex used to say, he was way too disturbingly optimistic. For example, he used to tell this joke about some little girl who wanted to become a horse. Then he'd say that he actually DID THINK the girl could really become a horse someday. Of course, it might take miracles of medical science, but it could happen.

I was all "You are so full of crap."

Little did I know that some people take that line of thought WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. Oh my fucking god.

Monday, March 3, 2003
Lego Tarot

Monday, March 3, 2003
TamponArt.com

Monday, March 3, 2003
Another interesting experiment in experimental theater
"A play called Sex that lasts 27 hours has been shocking theatre audiences in Spain. It features four actors, two men and two women, and there is no intermission in the entire performance. The actors eat, sleep and have sex during the show, while the audience is free to come and go as they like."

Monday, March 3, 2003
How to fudge a book review professionally.
Man, I'd so love that job. Because I, unlike others, could actually finish the books :P