Saturday, March 24, 2001
Jesus Christ Superstore

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Deep thoughts
"Every time an e-mail is forwarded, it loses 90% of its humor. If you send something that has three screenfuls of forwards before you get to the "joke", rest assured that all the funny has been drained out of it long ago. Also, I've probably read it before.
If Benjamin Franklin had actually said all the things attributed to him, he would have lived to be 84. Which he did."

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Rolling greenouts
"So here's the plan. We're going to give PG&E rolling greenouts.
Look for the account number on the left side of your PG&E bill. If it ends in an odd number, don't pay your bills in odd-numbered months like March. If it ends in an even number, don't pay it in even-numbered months."

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Guys watch porn for arousal. Girls watch porn for amusement.

Saturday, March 24, 2001
It's a sin to not be painted
I can't believe this article, especially since I have yet to meet a guy who likes makeup. And they ALL hate perfume (off-topic there!). "Do you use black or off-black for your lashes? she tried again.
I have never worn mascara, I replied.
Brenda took a step back. Do you have a boyfriend? Her impeccably made-up eyes, layered with silvers and charcoals, narrowly peered at mine, and I knew, in the deepest part of my soul, that if I admitted to being single, Brenda was going to tell me that it was because I had never worn mascara.
Yeah. I have a boyfriend.
Hasn't he said anything about the fact that you dont wear makeup?
Yeah, I fibbed again. He likes that I don't wear any. Brenda didnt buy it. Well, just wait til he sees you tonight, she said, sure that after a thorough coating, I would experience an outpouring of lust unlike any I had ever known. It was kind of sad, actually, since I knew that there would be no lust and no boyfriend, either, just a lot of crap on my skin.
After showing me my new face, Brenda began to make a list of the products shed used and, more terrifyingly, started to harvest them from the drawers behind the counter. She was putting them in a bag, ringing them up. No! I pleaded. I don't wear makeup!
She turned on me and said, Well, its really important that you begin to learn how to do it, as if she were my doctor counseling me about the importance of breast self-exams."

Saturday, March 24, 2001
This guy is completely fucking insane.

Saturday, March 24, 2001
The glass closet dilemma
"If I were to write it, I might ruin P's career. It might make it harder for the president to select even an ambiguous gay in the future. If I celebrated this progress in print, I would be jeopardizing not only the person but the progress itself.
These are the facts of life in the Age of the Glass Closet. If P is gay and out, P does not get the job. But if P is gay and lives his/her life but doesn't tell, everything is copacetic.
However, if a journalist asks, then P may feel forced to lie. If P lies and is caught lying, that's a scandal. P loses the job. That's why in the end I did not do what I considered doing all week, that is, simply call and ask: "Are you gay? I realize this is a private matter but is it something you'd care to talk about?"
Merely by asking, though, I would break the covenant -- "don't ask, don't tell" -- that protects P, if indeed P is gay. The one thing you can never be in this Age of the Glass Closet is straightforward."

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Oh joy, more fame whores after one TV show.
"Gray, who was voted off the remote island in the South China Sea in the early stages of the game, was a chemist in Edison, N.J., before the show. Kenniff, the last non-"alliance" player to fall, was a neurologist in New York City.
Since the game ended, neither have gone back to their old lives. Kenniff quit his practice and now works as a correspondent for the TV show Extra. "I have three agents, a manager, a personal assistant and a public relations firm," Kenniff said.
"I did Letterman, Larry King Live, Politically Incorrect," Gray said. "I wouldn't be able to keep up with everything by myself. It's like, "What am I supposed to do today again?' "

I'm completely amazed at this information.

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Bianca's Smut Shack
I went to the Burning Man Bianca's and found it was more of a dance club than um, what you'd think. Had no idea it was a web site.

Saturday, March 24, 2001
More fucking huge ads to come. Oh joy.
Like on Salon, which now has ads so big, at least a quarter of the page, stuck right in the middle of the columns, slow and animated...Ye gods. Now you know all the other sites'll be doing it too. I don't mind their other forms of advertising, but the trend of "You'd BETTER click on this, we'll force you to do it by making this thing HUGE" that'll soon be on every site now only irritates me.

I think I've gotten to the point where if I see an ad for a product- even a product I'd LIKE to buy normally- I now feel so averse to the product and company that I don't want to buy it. Specifically because I've had their ad pushed in my face all day. Advertising has become so omnipresent in the world (ads in the bathroom? Great, love that captive audience!) that I'm feeling burnt out on it all. Yes, I know the economy's tanking and everyone's desperate and if you support X company you should click on their goddamn ads, but I'm also feeling sick of being just someone to shove products on to at every turn.

"First: many of the comments here quite astutely point out that Web advertising is really rather putrid and dumb, not least because advertisers seem more concerned with click-through than with brand identity or the like. In contrast with TV ads, which are all about image, web ads are more like Malaysian Tiger traps. Except, oh yeah, customers are useless if they fall into the pit but don't buy anything. "

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Poets and madness
"To be a poet in Britain in the 18th century," writes Nettle, "was to run a risk of bipolar disorder 10 to 30 times the national average, suicide five times the national average, and incarceration in the madhouse at least 20 times the national average."
Little seems to have changed in this respect. Nettle cites a recent survey (by the American psychotherapist and author Kay Redfield Jamison) of nearly 50 living poets, writers and visual artists, which showed that no less than 38% had received treatment for a mood disorder. Jamison discovered that poets and playwrights suffered most, but novelists, and even those of us who write biographies, weren't trailing far behind.
Writers and artists tend to be prone to the "affective" disorders (manic depression, or just depression)."

Saturday, March 24, 2001
The Organization Kid
One guy muses on how amazed he is that our generation isn‚t more rebellious and less busy. Or something like that.
"No one has done a meticulous scientific study of the subject, but my impression is that the big-backpack era began in the mid-1980s. Kids began carrying larger and larger backpacks to school every year; by the early 1990s I saw elementary school students lugging storage containers that were bigger than they were.
As Ken Livingston wrote in The Public Interest in 1997, "In late twentieth-century America, when it is difficult or inconvenient to change the environment, we don't think twice about changing the brain of the person who has to live in it." And as Howe and Strauss wrote in Millennials Rising, "Ironically, where young Boomers once turned to drugs to prompt impulses and think outside the box, today they turn to drugs to suppress their kids' impulses and keep their behavior inside the box ... Nowadays, Dennis the Menace would be on Ritalin, Charlie Brown on Prozac." (Or Winnie the Pooh.)

Saturday, March 24, 2001
The cochlear implant debate
Two sides of the story. It's hard to say to someone "No, I don't think you have a fulfilling life as a deaf person and your kind should be eliminated," which is sort of what seems to be going on in a way with the implant. But on the other hand, I'm sorry, but it is a disability. Not as bad as other things, but you can get into trouble without being able to hear. And if I had a deaf child, I'd feel horrible if I didn't get the implant and then he/she died being hit by a car they couldn't hear or something like that.

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Rape is more than just forced intercourse.
Y'all must read this.

Saturday, March 24, 2001
The work issue

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Choose Your Own Pre-Date Grilling!

Saturday, March 24, 2001
It all goes back to the mother
"Dear Mom, I wanted to say happy Mother's Day and thank you for everything you've done for me. I am who I am today because of you. I am a detached woman who doesn't know the meaning of true intimacy with friends or lovers. I avoid conflict like a roadkill skunk. I can't even discern when I'm having a feeling."

Saturday, March 24, 2001
Movie spoilers!

Saturday, March 24, 2001
I feel cheated
"A few captions, written on scraps of paper or on a bus ticket, have been dotted around the walls of the display, titled ``Exhibition To Be Constructed in Your Head.''

Saturday, March 24, 2001
The two sides of schizophrenia

Saturday, March 24, 2001
When a stripper thinks you're a sicko, what does that mean?
"Her declaration that I'm perverse floored me. I am a college teacher with a healthy sex drive and perhaps a slightly above average enthusiasm for pornography. She is a stripper, a nude model and a former porn actress who doesn't leave home without her "pocket-rocket" (a vibrator the size of a tube of lipstick). On occasion she'll walk around with a butt plug and/or ben-wa balls in their respective orifices. She uses a large electric-powered back massager to stimulate her clitoris, and she even wants to try being strangled to intensify her orgasm.
And she claims I'm perverse."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
I love Jeff- kill Kimmi!
A bizarre comic-book version of Survivor.

This analysis is right on, sadly: "Never was the production and editing more important than in last night's Survivor episode. Since there is no legitimate reason for the Ogakor Alliance to surrender their Tribal Council leverage fans should expect several weeks of Kucha Tribe member ejections. To combat that predictability the producers highlighted the flaws in Ogakor's partnerships and Filarski's meddling while disregarding any meetings between the Ogakor members as they determined their voting strategy at Tribal Council. Ogakor had to have gone in with a plan but we were not privy to it."

Man, Survivor Sucks has sure gotten cynical about their spoilers lately (then again, who'd say that they didn't have a good reason to be cynical?
"Scenario Three - Mark Burnett is the Devil
There are several reasons that we lean in this direction - and it's not just that we're paranoid. (Or is it?) The unlikelihood of the first two scenarios weighs heavily...But beyond that, we have telling quotes from Mark Burnett. He has stated numerous times that he is actively trying to deceive us in our unending quest for the next bootee. He has claimed that numerous traps have been laid, and yet we've found none - only a lack of information. And now, suddenly, at the CBS Survivor Web site, where we last found our "spoiler of the season," we been given a gift - the Final Two. It just seems a bit too convenient for us. We believe this "spoiler" is tainted evidence, actively planted at the behest of Mark Burnett."

More links, like Survivor, the card game. I think I want it.

The clip show was LAME.

We know who Richard hates: "Nick may be next to go. I hope not. He is so uninteresting to me that I can't imagine what I would ask him in our interview." (I suspect that week he'll pull what he did during Kimmi's booting and not do the interview, if you've noticed that on this site.)
"Jerri "F" -- Clearly the most hated person on television, she has missed every opportunity to build any sort of meaningful relationship with anyone who could help her stay in this game. Jerri, you have failed." Wow.

Survivor Sucks spoofs Jeff's coloring book, with pages like Flaming Mike, Kimmi Portrait #1, Kimmi Portrait #2, Jerri portrait (predictable), Jeffi Pooh and his peanut butter, Jeff's new car (I wish), and Down the toilet.

Meanwhile, the actual coloring book can be found here.

And once again, I love me some Jeff!: " I'm in contact with everybody. Even Debb -- I call her every day and call her a dirty treacherous dog bitch and she bursts out laughing. It's a game. There are some Survivors you have to tiptoe around -- and don't ask 'cause I won't name names. Debb isn't one of them. Neither is ''Mad Dog'' Maralyn. I'll call her and just scream ''DOG!!!''

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Tales out of cellphones
"But think about the consequences. First, you’re just using it for emergencies. Then, you’re just calling a few friends on the way to the movie. And then — then you become That Guy.
You know the one I’m talking about. That Guy. That Guy who won’t shut up about how many numbers he’s got in his memory. That Guy who will interrupt any discussion the two of you are having when his cell phone rings. That Guy who will then answer his phone and have a conversation with someone on the other end and seem to be having a much better time talking to that other person than to you."

And now there's one that says Bite Me. Really.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
CheneyHeartWatch.com
"This site is meant as a political and social commentary on the public's insatiable desire to know everything about anyone at anytime. In addition, the media's intense focus on the personal lives of both our politicians and celebrities also fueled the idea for this satire."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The joys of journalism school in Canada
"Or maybe things will just turn out the way Andrew thinks they will. He says: “I'm sure once you get into the real world, they'll be like, ‘first thing, forget everything you learned in school,’ because I don't know any paper or magazine or anything that really writes that way.”

I was sympathizing with this poor girl's story, having been there and done that in a manner of speaking. I read the following list and was thinking most of the time that her friend Andrew was right. To explain what the hell I'm talking about, she's listing all of the various writing rules they teach her in her journalism program and saying how stupid they are. I'm going to compare my own experience to these and see how they measure up.

"Never start your story with a quote. This rule really bothers me, because whenever I read something that starts with a quote, it catches my attention and makes me want to keep reading. Some of the best things I’ve ever written have started with a quote, too. Unfortunately, my journalism professor claims that “quotes don’t usually sum up a story, so avoid using them as leads unless they are absolutely clear.”

At my paper, this is not a big deal and they don't mind if you do. Heck, if it's a good quote they love it. However, when I took journalism last quarter (teacher was a reporter at the Bee), the teacher said he hated starting with a quote and said not to do it. However, I did do it on 2 out of 3 stories and got A's, so hah. Anyway, (1) sometimes quotes can sum up the story. It's happened to me fairly often and (2) sometimes you're starting with the quote so that you have a more interesting begining of the story. The latter is perhaps more of a feature thing, though.

"Never include yourself in the story. Okay, I can understand not bothering to tell the reader that you’re sitting down with your subject and having lunch, and I can understand not telling them about how you’re feeling and what your first impression of your subject is and whether or not you’re having fun (although I must say I do enjoy it when the Rolling Stone and Entertainment Weekly writers do exactly that), but I think King’s goes a little too far with this rule. According to my journalism professor, we aren’t even allowed to say, “when asked about his latest project, so-and-so replied...” because that implies that there’s actually someone asking so-and-so a question. Oh, the horror! The shock! What would the readers think if they knew someone was out there, asking questions!? Damn."

As far as I know, nobody has gotten busted at my paper for using "when asked about." No big whoop. I have been told to not do first person stories, which my editor said was more of a thing you can do when you're very practiced at it (I asked her this when I was an intern).
However, the one time I saw a first-person article it DID feature the reporter and interview subject having lunch, and it went into what they ordered, and blah blah tedious details that don't enhance the story, and it just came out so odd I coined a new phrase: "ham-sandwich journalism."

"The word “says” is your friend. Your only friend. Yes, that’s right. In journalism, you aren’t allowed to use words like “claims” or “asserts” or “maintains,” because if you do, it sounds like you don’t trust your subject and you think he’s lying. You can’t say “according to,” either, for the same reasons. No, pretty much the only word you can use is “says,” which means you end up with a terribly repetitive piece of work that contains the word “says” at least 20 times."

200% true. I got busted for not putting says for everything on a story, and I complained "But I was SO SICK OF PUTTING SAYS!!!!" ("According to" is fine, however. I've never said "claims" or similar for obvious reasons.)

"Commas are bad. “The comma is the weakest punctuation mark,” my professor says. “Only use them when you need to use them.” As a result of this “no comma” rule, journalists tend to write a lot of run-on sentences and even more short, staccato ones. I can understand not sticking commas in where they’re not needed, but really, what’s wrong with using them when it’s grammatically correct? I like commas. I’d rather pause in the middle of a sentence than stop it abruptly, and I hate run-ons. Guess that makes me a bad journalist."

I've never been told that, but AP style dictates that you use a few less commas. Specifically, if on an English paper you list three things like X, Y, and Z, in your article you say X, Y and Z. I have no idea why.

"You’re writing for idiots. Okay, my professor never actually said this, but it’s definitely implied. Why else would we have to make everything so damn clear? I’m not talking about explaining the facts of a story in a clear and concise manner, because I agree with that. I’m talking about backing up every single statement with a “so-and-so says.”
Take this excerpt from my latest (horrible) story, for example:
“However, each year some societies disappear for lack of interest, and some new ones appear... or an enterprising soul revives an old society,” he says. “Most societies that apply eventually get ratified.”
There are a few exceptions to the rule, however. “There have been a few weird societies around in the past,” Maheux says. “Generally if they're too ridiculous they just don't get ratified.” He cites the proposed Women’s Basketball Boosters Society, the Glee Club and the Blues, Jazz and Amplified Rock society as examples.
Okay, ignore all the “he says” and look at the line, “There are a few exceptions to the rule, however.” According to my professor, this line is wrong. Why? Because it needs (you guessed it) another “Maheux says.” The readers are too stupid to figure this out on their own. They need to have the information - Maheux says - shoved down their throats.

Pretty much true that you have to put the label, but I haven't been busted for what she was busted for. I get away with that all the time.

Wow, wasn't that a thrilling journalistic experience for y'all?

On some different journalistic notes, Sacbee is now putting unedited letters to the editor online.
And I've always been told that you don't pay for interviews. I guess some people do after all. Ahem.
With regards to the last one and the following interview, between the whole wanting-money thing and becoming a hippie type instead of a major science nerd, it's just all kind of surprising and sad. Not to mention the creepy son worship thing.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
E-mail forwards
"Did you know that there are kids who have cancer? Yes, actual kids. With real cancer. I know, it’s unbelievable. Stay with me here. Did you know that you can help these kids with cancer? Yes, you can! And you don’t even have to get up off your chair. You just have to take three seconds of your time and forward all the kids with cancer e-mails to all your friends. Then something magical will happen. Sometimes Bill Gates agrees to send money to these kids for every e-mail forwarded. Sometimes the kids themselves are keeping track of how many times the e-mail was forwarded. If the e-mail gets forwarded enough times, the kids will be so happy they will be miraculously healed. Really! So just send those e-mails, so you can say you helped miraculously heal a cancer-ridden little kid.
Did you know that if you get an e-mail saying you will have bad luck if you don’t forward it to all your friends in the next 5 minutes, and you don’t listen, you WILL have bad luck? Well, you will. Terrible, horrible, bad luck. This is scientifically proven. Yes, by scientists. In Atlanta. See, since I know where the scientists live, that means I can’t be making it up.
Did you know that a poem loses all meaning when you read it over a hundred times? Yes, it does. Even those lovely friendship poems that people e-mail to their 500 closest friends. Even a poem by Maya Angelou. It is always nice to receive these poems, though, because it makes you realize how much your friend loves you. You and the 499 other people she sent it to. It almost convinces you that, yes, even though she never sends you a personalized e-mail, she cares about you enough to add you to her mailing list. Sigh. True friendship is a wonderful thing."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
If this novel ever comes out, I want to read it.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Thank you note generator

Thursday, March 15, 2001
When Web Sites Attack!
How to solve some of those completely annoying problems like killed back buttons, the porn explosion, and MIDI music. Unfortunately, these tips are all things that people who have been online for awhile will have probably figured out how to fix on their own, but hey, just in case anyone who doesn’t know sees this, now you’ll know too.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The Mole's Jim has a special attribute...
"I won the contest in New York at this bar called Cake. It was the prettiest penis contest, and I won it twice in 1996."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Dressing Miss Piggy

Thursday, March 15, 2001
There's only one problem....
"I've been having a marvelous time planning my wedding over the past three months....(a LOT of tedious details edited out)...As you can see, I've put a lot of care into this, meticulously planning every last detail of this extravaganza. There's only one thing left that I need to make the whole affair a smashing success: a groom. Any idea where I can get one? The wedding is only 6 weeks away."

Well, that's one way to plan a wedding, I guess. Is she having it in the Mall of America?

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Bill Gates is quite bizarre
What the heck is up with this, for example?

"On the next-to-last night of the trip, Gates made a reservation in a small bed-and-breakfast in Carmel that is noted for its fine restaurant. Buffet remembered it vividly: "We get there, and the proprietor pulls Bill aside and says, "We've got this terrible problem. I'm embarrassed to tell you, but there was this couple married here 20 years ago, and they said they were going to come back to observe their 20th anniversary, and we forgot all about it. And they're here!"
The couple said they were from Colorado, and Gates invited them to join his group. "This woman sits down next to me, and the guy is right across," continued Buffett. "The woman is obnoxious to start with, pulling out all these pictures of her kids and telling me how wonderful they are and just going on and on and on. Very much kind of in my face.
"And the guy had had too much to drink and then football comes up and he says, "Where are you guys from?' And there's a fella there, Jeff Raikes, ... who's from Nebraska and who's a much bigger Nebraska football nut than even I am, and we said, "We're from Nebraska."
"Oh, that's where they have the convicts playing football!" the man shot back. He began disparaging the Nebraska football coach, Tom Osborn, whom Raikes revered and who had been a surprise guest at his 40th birthday party the year before. Raikes, who looks a little like Gates but is less volatile, got beet red and was ready to explode.
"We started getting very agitated," said Buffett. "It got to the point where we were ready to punch him."
Suddenly, the couple smiled and identified themselves as actors hired by Gates. It was quintessential Gates, thought Raikes. It was, said Buffett, just another indication that Gates "is a very thoughtful guy" who takes time to think "about what would make his guests have a terrific time."

Having actors harass his friends is what would make his guests have a "terrific time?" Why do I suspect that Mr. Buffett is sucking Bill's ass so he doesn't have him on his bad side?

Thursday, March 15, 2001
SNL skit transcripts!
I love this, because a ton of my favorites were on here! Lyle the Effeminate Heterosexual, Dysfunctional Family Christmas, a Hollywood Minute and my personal favorite, which I have been hunting for on the net for years, A Christmas Wish.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The Horowitz ad controversy
"Poor Daniel Hernandez, editor of the Daily Californian at UC-Berkeley, has become a poster boy for political correctness run amok -- and the crisis in liberal education -- with his apology for having run the Horowitz ad. Jonathan Yardley attacked him for bad grammar -- two split infinitives! -- as well as bad reasoning. As someone who can't resist splitting an infinitive now and then, my heart went out to Hernandez. The executive editor of Foxnews.com, Scott Norvell, took time from his busy day to write a personal e-mail to young Hernandez, attacking his "cowardice and audacity" in apologizing for the ad. "I'm getting letters from journalists all over the country telling me I'll never get a job in journalism again," the editor admits gloomily."

Frankly, the people ripping on Hernandez and the other editors of the papers who are apologizing I think are forgetting what it's like to be working at a COLLEGE paper. Different standards, folks.

I attend another one of the schools apologizing, and in our case, I think our editor would have been fired if she didn't apologize and apologize profusely. Since right now there's a ton of racial tensions on campus (some white frat boys beat up on some non-white frat boys and other things) the timing stunk, and then last year there was an enormous controversy over a comic strip having a missile accidentally blow up the ethnic studies building. (For the record, I did not read the joke as meant to be racially offensive.) People wanted to fire the editor, and there was talk of forcing the paper to go to a twice-a-week instead of weekly. Given how much the paper was in jeopardy last year, I don't think she had much of a choice.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
SciTech Daily

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Temptation Island II Application, Male Form.
"Please take care to print clearly, especially if you're using a crayon.
What affiliations or organizations do you belong to, if any? (Note: Membership in the No Fat Chicks Association of American Studs is assumed.)
List the last three jobs you have had (To save time, No. 3 (failed actor) has been completed for you in advance.)
Do you know any foreign languages? YES/NO
If YES, name them, keeping in mind that even an astounding prowess with your tongue does not qualify you as fluent in French
Yes, you may go back and change your original answer to NO.
Do you have any children? YES/NO
No, really, do you have any children? YES/NO
If NO, close your eyes and imagine a child standing behind you yelling "Daddy!" Did you just turn your head to look? YES/NO
If YES, then aha!! Gotcha!!
Have you been treated for any mental illness(es) in the last ten (10) years? YES/NO
If NO, please attach a separate sheet of paper detailing precisely why you think being on our show is a good idea. Seriously, we're curious."

In another fun addition, we have a juicy interview with two tempter girls from the show, Britt and Elizabeth (of horrendous date with Andy fame). Some great quotes:
Elizabeth on Taheed: "He could sing like an angel. Very personable! A nice guy. If you're not interested in fidelity, he's great!...Some people only need one person to complete them, others need many."
Britt: "Kaya, well where should I begin...He was also one who conversationally didn't bring much to the table. He talked a lot about his Feng Shui and meditation. Whatever. One has to wonder what he and Valerie have in common and what they can possibly talk about. Kaya was the subject of the single women's late night jokes (all of which no one ever saw.) You see, Kaya went to bed early every night (beauty sleep) while the rest of us hung out talking, drinking, etc., to all hours. All the girls would remove the screen from Kaya's window and poke him with sticks and jump into bed with him like we slept there all night. It was all hilarious, and I can say that he screams like a woman -- very high-pitched. But all that aside, he has a good heart."
Stee: "Did you guys have any interaction with the male singles?"
Britt: "Not on the show. They were very strict about it, although we all sized each other up across the pool and snuck some small chats. Clearly they knew that if they let us loose with the singles we would all be like, "Billy who? Kaya who?" Now that the show is over, all the singles interact; it's a whole other story--and would make a much more interesting show, I might add."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The trials of getting your clothes to the Oscars
And yet more trials.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
How to make a lovely Angelic Ornament from a Tampon.
"You would never know she belonged anywhere other than your tree!!!!
People have to look long and hard to figure out where that little darlin really is from!!!"

Sometimes it seems like home crafts goes a little too far.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Oh lord, now there’s disposable phones.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Where do other people with your last name live?
This verified that there are few people with my last name out there. What a surprise.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
No Jennifer Lopez News Today
It's such a tragedy *sob sob*

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Oh, the trials of being a sex advice columnist
"Americans are no better informed about sex and no happier in bed than their parents or grandparents were.
The great sadness that sex advice columnists feel is mixed with incredulity that has them rolling their eyes in disbelief: "I'm often shocked at the level of cluelessness out there," says Gardos, who is also the sexuality guide for About.com. "The people who write me are educated and affluent enough to have computers with Web access. But many of them are phenomenally ignorant about the most basic aspects of sexuality."
"I blame the government for funding abstinence-only sex education," Rowe declares. "I blame the bluenoses for keeping sexuality material out of public libraries. I blame parents who don't talk to their kids about sex. And I blame AIDS. I came of age in the 1980s, and AIDS was all we talked about in sex ed. The message was: Sex is deadly, so don't do it. All the political conservatives seem to think that if they keep people ignorant about sex, no one will do it. Of course, that's absurd."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
This sounds all too scarily familiar to me, and I’m afraid to find out why.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Possibly the most depressing article I've ever seen about motherhood.
"She must now pay the price of motherhood: virtual annihilation of the self.
Motherhood is degrading, in the true sense of the word. A lovely young lass becomes a utilitarian mothering device. A fully functioning intelligent human being becomes a thing. A thing that nurses. A thing that wakes and sleeps by someone else's schedule. A thing that can't read without interruption for seven years. A thing that wears magenta exercise suits in public.
We sat on the floor instead of on the furniture, like children. We wore play clothes -- jeans and sneakers and T-shirts -- every day, like children. We ate cold, bland lunches, earned no money of consequence and waited impatiently for our grown-up to come home every night. Sometimes one of us would jump into his arms in gratitude."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
All About Tux
His history and various incarnations. I'm proud to note that three logos from my organization are in on the front page of the last one.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
More ripping on political women's appearances for no good reason.
"Wonder why more women don't run for president? How would you like your physical appearance ridiculed seven days a week, for four to eight years?"
Just look at this crap about their dress sizes! "Reporting from the 1984 Democratic convention (7/18/84), NBC's Tom Brokaw referred to Geraldine Ferraro as "the first woman to be nominated for vice president -- size 6!" Earlier that year, when the Democrats were first flirting with the notion of a woman on the top ticket, the Washington Post reported, "Ferraro lost 25 pounds on a careful diet, down from a size 10 to a 6."
In the 15 years since the news informed us of Ferraro's diet techniques, Americans have grown more accustomed to and respectful of women in the political realm. Media are still catching up. Journalists are obsessed with cutting political women down to size, whether elected to office or propelled by marriage into the peculiar role of first lady. A search of the Nexis database turns up no essential details about Dick Cheney's inseam or the length of Trent Lott's trousers -- but it does reveals that before she became senator, Hillary Rodham Clinton "whittled her figure down to a fighting size 8" by "touching little more than a lettuce leaf during fund-raisers" (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 6/4/00). The incoming first lady was also praised by the New York Daily News (1/1/01) for her minimal appetite: "Laura Bush apparently isn't the type to reach for the Haagen-Dazs when the going gets tough. During the 36 days of Indecision 2000, she kept her hands out of the cookie jar and didn't gain any weight." Perhaps it's this restraint that keeps Mrs. Bush "a curvaceous size 8" who "maintains her weight beautifully" (Washington Post, 1/8/01). First daughters Jenna and Barbara Bush are "size 6 sisters" (Los Angeles Times, 1/8/01), Katherine Harris "wears a size 2" (New York Times, 2/5/01), Tipper Gore resembles "a barrel shape, though she's only between a size 8 and 10" (San Francisco Chronicle, 1/22/97) and former Attorney General Janet Reno's "dress size is 'rangy'" (Chicago Tribune, 7/7/94).
Certainly male politicians' attire or appearance are rarely the news peg for an entire story -- unlike a Larry King Live (6/1/99) panel discussion about whether Hillary Rodham Clinton could be an impressive campaigner for the Senate despite being "bottom heavy" with a "bad figure."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
What a blow.
Here’s a weird story: Food critic James Morrow goes to a restaurant and gets crappy service, so he leaves. Unfortunately for him, the restaurant is one of the advertisers, so he gets canned in favor of- get this- a 17-year-old intern. ”The reason is simply that we've suddenly got a 17-year-old high school girl whom we want to get into the paper writing food stuff as soon as possible." I can’t believe a paper, especially a New York one, would say such a thing. Even my paper, which has good high school writers working there, wouldn’t give a beginner the entire food column. (We have a 20-year-old columnist, but he’s been working here for six years.) I wonder how much she’s getting paid for this, if anything (note: intern) and if they were getting rid of the guy so they could get the work done for cheap.
As for her writing style, it is very good, but I’m still wondering why they let her natter on for six long paragraphs (half the column!) before she finally gets around to talking about the restaurant and the food, which, lest we forget, is the POINT of a FOOD column. What is with that trend, anyway? The SN&R does this all the freaking time, too.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The secession idea rears its head once again...
This one seems to be going around the weblogs. While normally I don't really think the South and North should be separate countries (would never happen anyway), I was surprised at this paragraph, which was like a punch in the gut after the election fiasco.
"And if the South isn't inclined to leave anytime soon, then we should show them the door by seceding unilaterally. Because for all the hue and cry of the South being a conquered people, it is the North that increasingly finds itself under the dominion of the Confederacy. The White House has been occupied by a Southerner for 17 of the last 37 years.
But in 2000, even with Electoral College juggernauts such as New York, Pennsylvania, and California in his corner, Gore couldn't win the White House without the support of the old Confederacy."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
That's San Francisco, I guess...
The Urban Iditarod.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Campus Crusade for Chaos and Confusion
I so want to join these people. It’s a shame they didn’t put the happy face pictures online, those were cute.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Bullying hell
Read this (the lower brown section). It’s brilliant. I’m so proud of my paper for printing it I could bust.
"Nobody deserves to be gunned down by a bullet shot by a disturbed student. But then again, nobody deserves to be slowly killed every day just because he's deemed unpopular."
Then there's this: "All through my grade school and high school career, I was harassed and bullied and teased and ostracized. It was made abundantly clear that no one liked me or wanted to be around me," a 32-year-old woman wrote to me. "Teachers told me I was `too sensitive,' and to `ignore them and they'll get bored and stop.'" But "they don't stop," she wrote. "As a result of all this verbal abuse, I learned to hate myself ... I believed I was so deeply and fundamentally aberrant and repulsive that I had no business wanting or receiving the normal goals and activities of life ... I've probably lost a good 15 years of my life because some kids got off on verbally abusing me and some teachers and administrators didn't take it seriously."
A teacher says: "People may say that these kids have no value for human life. I would disagree in many cases. I would say they have no value for their own life. They have been told for a long time how useless they are. They have been ignored, neglected, abused, picked on, and made to feel unwelcome."
Oh yeah, and way to go to encourage people to squeal on potential killers, folks.
"Michael Kelly, the Tapias' attorney, said existing law creates a dilemma for parents who know they could be sued if their child reports a threat.
"I'm not sure every parent will do the right thing," Kelly said."

Update: There is one scary site known as Escape School (sponsored by a mortuary!!!) that gives tips on bully survival like your backpack can shield you from bullets. This prompted a discussion on IRC about how you'd have to have several phone books in your backpack to do that (we have some gun lovers on the channel). But the worst of all is this page, which basically gives you no hope at all for improvement and very strong indications that fighting back in any way WILL MAKE IT WORSE.

"One immediate response may be for the parents to confront the school and/or the attacker's parents. If the incident happened off campus, however, or there were no witnesses other than the parties involved, you may not get very far with the school. This is in spite of the fact that the attackers more than likely have a record with the school as thick as the yellow pages. The parents may not be any more helpful. They may instinctively defend their little darling (even though their little darling has a police record already!), or may have a blasé attitude toward parenting (along the "kids will be kids" line). If you are not getting the results you had hoped for, it might help to let the school and parents know that you are willing to take the time to pursue the matter legally. Sometimes, that's all it takes to scare a parent into actually getting involved with their children's discipline. Other times, remember that very good people who are active parents may still have a "bad seed" in the family. It's best not to go into one of these meetings with an attitude that if the child is rotten, that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. These parents may be as heartbroken as you.
When parents make the decision to pursue bullying in the legal arena, there are some things they should consider. First of all, if you decide to press charges against an offender, understand that with this age group, retaliation is not uncommon. Your house could be vandalized, and the pressure on your child could be upped at school. Yet, sometimes these threats seem mild when compared to dealing with teens who are involved in illegal drugs. It would not be unheard of to have a gang member show up at your home, point a gun in your face, and threaten to kill you if you don't drop the charges.
For instance, if your child struck back while being attacked, even in self-defense, the officer recording the details may still have to record "blows were exchanged." This can put a very different spin on your case, should it even get as far as court.
While it may not seem fair, some things are the way they are. That is, the thugs that attacked your child will be entitled to free representation, while you have to spend the family's vacation money on an attorney just to make sure you have your say.
So, if you secure a report that will result in the arrest of the attackers, keep in mind that in most cases the officers will arrest the perpetrators, take them down to the station, book them, and then, more than likely, they will be back out on the streets in a matter of hours. And now, they'll have your address and phone number in many cases- and be really mad. Should the perpetrator act out on this anger, keep a log, file police reports if applicable, and keep your cool. Once a court date is set, it's the big day. You take off of work. Your child misses school. Your adrenaline is pumping. Your case is called before the judge. Then, the defense attorney asks for a delay and is granted one. Not only that, but he is granted on the next time, and the next, and the next. It‚s best to go into a courtroom setting with the idea that the wheels of justice grind more slowly than almost anything else in our country. Calmly leave the courtroom and prepare to do battle the next time, or the next.
When you finally do get your day in court, don't be surprised if the whole thing has been cut short because of a plea bargain! Today's prisons are so overcrowded that plea bargains are seen as a way to help alleviate that problem. It's a totally separate agenda from the one of the parent trying to right a wrong.
Either way, when you arrive at the courthouse, you will more than likely meet the perpetrator, and their entire ticked-off family, in the hall. If anyone threatens you, tell your attorney and the prosecuting attorney. Otherwise, sit somewhere else if you can.
And, after all of this- all of the heartbreak and the money and the time- the attacker may never even do a minute of jail time. They may not even be found guilty! But, they may think again before harassing your child again (of course, they could just have someone else do it), or the case may be a small step toward changing school policy for the better. Of course, in many cases, you can start the whole process over again, this time in a civil court, and go for damages. Whatever the case may be, the most important reason many parents decide to pursue legal recourse for the wrongs done to their child is so that their child can see that, when the chips were down, their parents stood up for them and did the right thing."

Hah. You might as well go shoot yourself for all the good fighting back's gonna do.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Duct tape prom wear

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Book-A-Minute Classics
The much-abbreviated version. My favorites: The complete works of Jane Austen, Jane Eyre, Lord of the Flies, Ethan Frome, and my personal favorite, Catcher in the Rye.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
Slipping the ties that bind
Yet another one of those non-monogamy articles I throw in from time to time.
"Indeed, the very term "non-monogamy" points to the problem here. Using this word to designate an alternative approach to relationships underlines the extent to which monogamy is the unquestioned premise, the unacknowledged dogma behind all discussions of the topic.
As misleading as the ideology of monogamy is, it is monogamy as institution that is truly damaging. In fact, the discrepancy between the ideology and the institution is striking: for many people, men in particular, "monogamy" means demanding fidelity from one's partner while violating it oneself when the opportunity arises. This is not surprising given the historical origins of monogamy and the social context within which it operates. Private property and economic acquisitiveness, after all, accord well with a model of romantic possessiveness. And it is difficult to disentangle the institution of monogamy from the sexism, homophobia, and general fear of sexual nonconformity which mark our culture. From this perspective, we might view patriarchy, heterosexism, and compulsory monogamy as one interlocking structure, where each component reinforces the others, to the detriment of us all.
Even as a moral framework, monogamy falls short in several ways. Devotees of the practice—I like to call them monogamaniacs—trumpet its ethical character, which is supposed to be based on consideration for one's partner and the wish to avoid messy entanglements. But our feelings plainly are messy much of the time, and monogamy more often acts as a kind of moral or emotional shortcut by offering people a prepackaged set of easy answers and thus relieving them of the burden of making difficult choices. Ethical varietism, on the other hand, asks us to work through such questions, painful as they may be, and to squarely and openly face the issues they raise for us and our partners. Commitment to one's partner and to the relationship, from this point of view, becomes an active process that is constantly renewed rather than a passive structure that is merely assumed."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
http://www.salon.com/mwt/style/comm/2001/03/12/sheath_dresses/index.html
Yes, I do realize that I am in fashion and writing and thus should love fashion mags like Vogue, but fashion writing is just so lame the vast majority of the time. What the hell kind of crap is “black is the new black?”

For that matter, they're getting rid of so much sex on the covers, too. Gee, what a shame.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
What's in a name?
Four women's takes on the "do I take his name after marriage or not" debate, which keeps coming up on message boards lately. Here's another goodtake on the subject.

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The comics log...
has been moved to the archives, if you came in looking for it.