little ms. "sweet and innocent."

Monday, February 24, 2003
The Story About The Baby: an actual honest tale of infant parenthood
Seriously, you gotta love a guy who outright says that parenting books are crap and calls his baby "dopey." This is a hoot.

"I've spent my whole life fantasizing about being married to someone who's been reduced to livestock, lying on the couch and getting milked 8 hours a day, occasionally getting up to ease my tensions manually before returning to a prone position to have her nutrients drained again. Every guy dreams about this. Imagine my surprise to find that the reality is not quite as glorious as the fantasy."

Monday, February 24, 2003
Oh, cute! A snow maze for the cat!

Monday, February 24, 2003
Oral sex for teenagers to be promoted by the government in Britain.
Wow. Who woulda thunk?

Monday, February 24, 2003
Yeah, I'd do that if I were there.
"In a country where girls and women are required to cover their heads and conceal the shape of their bodies from the age of puberty, some girls have taken to disguising themselves as boys. They cut their hair short, wear loose-fitting men's clothes and speak as little as possible.
It is not an act of rebellion by Westernized feminists determined to buck the system and cast off the headscarf. Rather, it is a growing phenomenon mainly among lower-class runaways who believe that the disguise gives them a degree of freedom and protection they could not enjoy as girls. Posing as boys on the streets makes it easier to avoid rape and falling victim to prostitution rings.
In one sense, their very existence is stark testimony to the failure of the Islamic Republic to create a generation of humble, obedient, modest women dedicated to motherhood and Islam. But in another sense, it is remarkable that the regime has admitted the problem and is beginning to take steps to resolve it.
"All the girls we have seen who have disguised themselves as boys have done it to protect themselves," said Mojgan Shirazi, the director of a shelter for runaway girls in central Tehran. "When they're on the streets as girls, men cause problems."
The patriarchal nature of Iranian society also makes the disguise attractive. Many of these girls have cast off the traditional roles that society defines for them as women, according to psychiatrists who have treated them.
"They reject more than the obligatory veiling," said Mahdis Kamkar, a psychiatrist who has treated such girls when she worked at a state-run welfare center. "They do not want to accept the traditional role of homemaker and mother, which they feel makes them subordinate to men. This generation is confused and feels the need to defy what it believes has been imposed on it."

Monday, February 24, 2003
You know, shit like this is why I always turn my sound off.

Monday, February 24, 2003
Female Slob of the Year contest
Man, I'd win this in a heartbeat.

Monday, February 24, 2003
Trista says she's not pregnant, but Ryan says he is!
Heh, he's funny. "It's not really fair to comment on my hair when I can't see yours.

Monday, February 24, 2003
Advertisers won't advertise if there's a war on, must have separate non-war section first.
Oy.

Monday, February 24, 2003
BofA is offering a mini credit card keychain
This doesn't sound like the smartest thing to me, even if they say they put the number on it in teeny letters. If you lose your keys, there goes your credit card too...

Monday, February 24, 2003
The Eliminator
Alex McLeod really doesn't know why they cut her ass from the show. Hmmmm...

Monday, February 24, 2003
I don't get it.
Okay, so I saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which as y'all know is based off of Nia Vardalos's real life wedding to her husband Ian. Now, does anyone understand this paragraph?

"Vardalos, meanwhile, said she would be tailoring her own TV role to closer to her own self, renaming the Toula character from the film Nia. "Toula was an extension of who I was during my 'finding myself' period, and ... I wanted to play a character closer to me," she said, also changing the character of her husband, Ian (based on her real-life husband, Ian Gomez, and played in the film by John Corbett), to Thomas (played by Steven Eckholdt)."

Okay, so, she wants to play a character cloes to her, but um, not close to her husband? The hell?

Monday, February 24, 2003
Haven't you always wanted a monkey?
Well, feel free to scour my campus looking for one, since the primate lab somehow lost one of theirs. My theory is that the monkey will turn up in the arboretum, humping one of the ducks. Hey, it's spring, time to do the Dance of Love... with the wrong species...

Why this is funny is that (a) UCD now wants to build a high level biocontainment lab on campus, yet (b) they can't seem to keep track of a breeding monkey. And then there's (c) the fact that they've been covering up the monkey loss for what, two weeks, and this is the first and only article I've seen on it. I only heard about it in rumor for the first time yesterday. Is the school paper mentioning it? No, of course not, they don't report on stuff like that for at least three months. Is the local bigshot newspaper reporting on it? Nope, not a mention. Sheesh.

Monday, February 24, 2003
Porn Shop Stores
For those who miss True Porn Clerk Stories, here's the er, kinda dumbed-down redneck male version.

Thursday, February 20, 2003
Tantric Teddies
This makes me giggle and giggle.

Thursday, February 20, 2003
Since when did glasses become cool?

Thursday, February 20, 2003
Why does this not surprise me, somehow?
This dude called SBC Yahoo tech support and got suspiciously stilted, rather bot-like responses. Someone on Metafilter reports that it's not bots, but the tech support people are "allowed to only cut responses, greetings, questions from standard documentation and PASTE them into the IM window. This is why they all sound like machines but actually are real people. Seems weird huh? I mean, we make bots to sound like real people and the real people are directed to sound like bots." Bizarre.

Thursday, February 20, 2003
On gender stereotypes and homosexuality.
A good read.

Thursday, February 20, 2003
LiveJournal Drama.
If you're into that sort of thing.

Thursday, February 20, 2003
Turn the top of any webpage into your own word magnet fridge!
(Substitute fullmoon.pitas.com with whatever you'd like to get it to work.) I came out with "sweet and innocent devilbunnies live under impressive sedation", "fortunately the vampire nation in windowseat hell DAMMIT! fluffing pursed lips", and "god loves funny fresh tomato medley web site."

Thursday, February 20, 2003
Reality TV is just more entertaining stuff.
"Part of the thrill of reality tv, for me, is the sheer "I cannot believe that they just said/did that" factor. Whether it's their stupidity or pettiness or babyishness or whatever, the reality tv folk? They are always surprising you with their behavior. (An aside- this is also, for me, the appeal of trainwreck journals and Thomas Friedman columns- I can't look away because they are always saying or doing something even more asinine.)" Amen, Hannah!

Ouch. Not to mention "she's a BREEDER?" *choke* Meanwhile, of course now they want to do a second Joe Millionaire.

Now, look at this line here: "A series of scandals also helped Joe Millionaire. Marriott was revealed to be an underwear catalogue model and its runner-up admitted she had appeared in fetish movies." You know, come to think of it, you know how they supposedly screen people for these shows, background checks, etc., and they invariably have been some kind of porn star? You think they're er, deliberately missing these things to up the ratings?

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Devilbunnies: The Fluffing
Oh my god, I just love this. Kinda intended for those who have played RPG's (Vampire in particular), but still funny even if you haven't. A cross between Vampire, Dune, and Watership Down. I wanna be a devilbunny! Though I can't imagine who the heck I could talk into playing this with me...

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Women are now empowered by doing pretty much ANY damn thing, down to wiping their asses these days.
Thank God someone else has been thinking this stuff is weird (at best) too.

"Not every woman can become a physicist or lobby to stop a foundry from dumping dangerous metals into the creek her children swim in," Klein said. "Although these actions are incredible, they marginalize the majority of women who are unable to, or just don't particularly care to, achieve such things. Fortunately for the less impressive among us, a new strain of feminism has emerged in which mundane activities are championed as proud, bold assertions of independence from oppressive patriarchal hegemony."

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
All right! A Tenacious D movie!

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
The Chickenhawk Club: people who go on about war, yet avoided going themselves.
I particularly love these guys:
Saxby Chambliss: got out of going to Vietnam due to bad knees, likes to RUN.
Dennis Hastert: same as Mr. Chambliss, but was a wrestling coach.
Jack Kemp: also got out of Vietnam for a bad knee, liked to keep on playing football.
I want to know why the hell Sylester Stallone has "private girls school" down here... and you can get out of the military for zits?!?

And then there's the cyst on Rush's ass and why would that have kept him out?

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Pretty altered books

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
An affirmative action bake sale.
I honestly don't know what to make of this.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
This is why you should not start a chain letter.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Buy Yer Own Snooty Royal English Title!
Vaguely tempting to go around as Lady Jennifer... Duchess Jennifer...Countess Jennifer... Though I'm wondering why the testimonials don't have any actual names attached. Suspicious, no?

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Custom Dressed Simpsons

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Valentine's Day forces prostitutes to drop prices, take the week off.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Having gone through all the traditional job-hunting methods, there really only was one thing remaining.
And it's apparently working, too. Go figure. Then again, maybe it's because of the profession he's in?

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
What Michael Jackson would have looked like now without surgery.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
The Final Exam
I've seen this before, but this version has a few new ones I haven't seen before.

"Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)
Religion: Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.
Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life."

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Statue Molesters
Hey, who wants to get their picture taken with a hand up a giant crotch!?

Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Why people really are into the Bachelorette and Joe Millionaire
The gender-bending roles, of course. A guy looking for a breadwinning girl (supposedly), guys expressing their feelings and hoping they get chosen... Good points.

Friday, February 14, 2003
Principal gets drunk and pees next to her car.
Oh, that's priceless.

Friday, February 14, 2003
Dude takes duct tape warnings WAY too seriously.
Boy, is he gonna have fun getting that shit off his house.

Friday, February 14, 2003
Economy may improve if war doesn't go on too long. World rolls its eyes in disbelief.

Friday, February 14, 2003
Julia Butterfly Hill he ain't.

Friday, February 14, 2003
I'm in love with myself, I'm going to MARRY myself.
It's for better or for worse! And I won't divorce myself!

I find this pretty hilarious, and yet kind of cool. Screw the groom, I'm getting the party and the dress!

Meanwhile, more er, conventional? people in Thailand are getting married underwater, on elephants (I'd like to see how that kiss works), and swinging from cliffs. And people in Florida are getting married EIGHT TIMES.

Friday, February 14, 2003
The Valentine's Day Albatross
"There's a strange dichotomy in our thoughts about Valentine's Day. On one hand, for people in relationships, particularly males, it's a lurking albatross, a day wrought with artificial expectations. Guys dread the day because they know that their significant others -- what a weird term "significant others" is; neither word makes a lick of sense -- will be anticipating something romantic and touching and special. Women dread it because they're smart enough to know they shouldn't have such high hopes for one silly day and nevertheless can't help but be disappointed when those hopes inevitably fall short. (And they always do.) For people in relationships, particularly those in the early stages, Valentine's Day is a day to be endured, to be survived.
That said, Valentine's Day is probably hardest on single people. The very same people who grit their teeth under the pressure of Valentine's Day when they're in a relationship are the ones who are all weepy and depressed when the day comes and they have no one with whom to spend it. This is natural, of course; the tendency to romanticize relationships, the fear of being alone trumping truthful remembrances of paranoia and neuroticism, is one of the cuter things humans do. But Valentine's Day is the one day a year where it's not OK to just be on your own, doing your own thing, no strings attached. It's a constant reminder that when you the lights are out, and your head's on the pillow, only you care what you did at work that day, and only you care what mood you're in. It's dark, and you're the only one in the room.
In fact, the "holiday" has gathered such animosity over time that it's almost impossible not to be cynical about it. It seems so forced. Those in relationships get flowers and go out to dinner and hope the other party doesn't analyze things too deeply, and those who are single try to pretend the day isn't happening at all."

Amen.

Friday, February 14, 2003
The Devil's Dictionary is now online

Friday, February 14, 2003
Gag me with a political handler.
"Teresa Heinz did a curious thing last week. The wife of Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.), a White House hopeful, changed her name to Teresa Heinz Kerry. Her husband's campaign did not deny that the move was motivated not by love but by political necessity. "There were political people who were advising the senator who were concerned it would be confusing," Heinz's spokeswoman Chris Black told The Boston Globe. Heinz will continue to use Heinz as her last name in her personal and professional life; it will change only in the context of her husband's campaign.
Such a move is troubling for several reasons. Why can't a woman spouse keep her own name in politics? Voters will know that the two are married; heavy media coverage of the campaign will take care of that. And it's not as if voters aren't used to the idea of women keeping their maiden names or names from other husbands. It's certainly OK for women officeholders -- just think of Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.), whose husband is Frank Snellings, or Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), who uses her now-deceased second husband's name even though she's since remarried.
Of course it's not the first time a spouse has changed her name for political reasons. Hillary Rodham became Hillary Rodham Clinton after her husband lost his re-election bid for governor in 1980. (He won the next time around.) But it's surprising that Kerry's campaign made no pretense that this was anything other than a political move. "It's another sign of his wife's support for his campaign and it pleases him greatly," Black said. How about it being a sign of Heinz's love for her husband? I'm sure that would truly please him greatly.
But Heinz's name change is also troubling because it shows how much influence political handlers have. Heinz is an outspoken women. Earlier this year, she told The Boston Herald, "I'm not afraid to say what I believe . . . Do I go out to either offend or shock people? No. But some people are surprised when a -- quote -- spouse, particularly a woman, has opinions. But, you know, women have been told to shut up for centuries -- because they didn't go to school, because they didn't know how to read and write." Now, Heinz is essentially being told by advisers to shut up about being a Heinz and start talking about being a Kerry.
It's different than the Heinz-Kerry relationship we've seen in the past. Heinz has proudly carried on the legacy of her first husband, Sen. John Heinz (R-Penn.). She heads the Heinz Family Philanthropies and the Heinz Endowments. Her biography at www.johnkerry.com -- which, as of yesterday, still listed her as Teresa Heinz -- is longer than her husband's (and doesn't mention Kerry's name until the last paragraph). She's been her own person in his last two Senate campaigns -- the pair married in 1995, and he ran in 1996 and 2002 -- and he won both times. Kerry has said he can't control his wife and wouldn't want to -- a very stand-up statement from a guy who'll need the support of women to win the White House. Why, then, choose to make his wife do something she's probably not comfortable with and that sets women back?
The answer is that presidential races prevent candidates from taking any chances. Spouses are expected to be loyal soldiers in the battle for the White House. They're "part of the campaign staff, in a sense," says Susan Carroll of the Center for American Women and Politics at Rutgers University. "They espouse the views of the candidates rather than one's own views." Laura Bush certainly did that in 2000. She ran as a 1950s housewife figure, someone quiet and nonoffensive. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly consider the 1950s a watershed decade for women's rights."

I don't even really need to say anything more here, do I?

Friday, February 14, 2003
Be my anti-Valentine

Thursday, February 13, 2003
The entire list of Buffy/Angel LiveJournals
The Hellmouth News: what's going on in all those LiveJournals.

Thursday, February 13, 2003
The real point of spam

Thursday, February 13, 2003
Valentine voodoo
I can't believe Elson got a girlfriend. Damn.

More Valentine hate.

I may not be single this year, but that doesn't mean VD has stopped bugging me....

Disturbing love facts. Such as this one: "When high heels were invented in France in 1590, they were worn by men to assume a position of power over other men. Men soon found that dominance was difficult to maintain when you were falling down every other step. So high heels were passed to women, where they became a symbol of sexual subservience. Upper-class women wore heels to demonstrate that they were too rich to have to move." UGHHHHHHHHH.

Pamie's weird valentine poetry.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Stories of a paranormal investigator. Cool.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
What it's like to write Hallmark cards.
I always figured it would be hard to do.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Students jump through hoops to get the biscuit in college. Duh.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
College loans are eeeevil.
Why do people borrow so much at such an early age? The College Board claims that college grads earn $1 million more during their lifetimes than those with high-school degrees. And most half-decent jobs--positions in corporate offices, not just professional occupations like law and medicine--require that you have a college degree just to be considered.
Student loan debt has become even more burdensome as the U.S. enters its third consecutive year of recession. Fifty-nine percent of degreed job seekers have been looking for work for at least three months, some for as long as a year. "Job seekers frustrated by last year's tough market have low expectations about this year's job market," says Michael Caggiano of the TrueCareers jobs board.
If and when they find a job, the pay isn't all that great. The National Association of Colleges and Employers says that average starting salaries for the Class of 2002 range from $27,000 for political science majors to $51,000 for computer programmers. Around $35,000 is the national norm. After taxes, that works out to about $2,000 a month--the rent on a tiny apartment in a borderline neighborhood in New York or San Francisco.
When a fifth of your paycheck goes to student loans, it's hard to afford a car, much less purchase a first home."

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Grover: Behind The Show

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Apparently I'm not the only one who gives false data to the Washington Post.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Hilton sister to go on reality Green Acres

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Hate Valentine's Day? Move to Iran!
Or perhaps New Zealand.

More Valentine's hate!

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Now's your turn to finally get money out of the CD industry!
Everyone should do this, even if it's just for $5 ($5-20, depending), just so they can get a little of their own back. I've always felt ripped off to hell every time I buy a damn CD. It's incredibly simple- answer 3 questions and give your contact info, and in some months time you get a check!

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Sure, you CLAIM you don't recognize that, but we know better now!
This is decidedly creepy...

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Really intricately carved pencils
But can you still write with them? That's what I wonder.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
WIFE WANTED sign in yard gets tons of responses.
Kinda scary, that.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Lord of the Rings Weddings
I guess Star Wars finally got beat...

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Joe Millionaire Twist Theories
"The Evan Millionaire Theory. Evan is actually rich. If this is the twist, it's utterly unimaginative and predictable. And the press would have been able to confirm it.
The Intervention Theory. All 20 women gather at the chateau to verbally abuse Evan for lying to them.
The Nouveau Riche Theory. After the chosen girl accepts or rejects the Real Evan, the couple (or Evan, depending) is rewarded with at least a million dollars by the show. This is another one that is too obvious to be truly satisfying, though it would be neat to see Paul come out with one of those huge novelty checks."

I don't think it's gonna be #1, since like she said, they'd be able to confirm that. I think #2 is definitely going to happen. I devoutly hope #3 doesn't, as I think that would defeat the purpose of the whole thing- i.e. making some moneygrubber (Sarah) deal with an actual broke guy.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
18-year-old Indian girl finds out that she's a boy. Surprise!
"Poonam approached doctors at the Sawai Mansingh Hospital in Jaipur, complaining of pain in the lower abdomen Tests revealed a developing male sex organ, which was freed after a two-and-a-half hour operation.
After the operation, doctors reportedly told Poonam's parents: "A son is born."
Dr Pradeep Goyal told the United News of India: "Both the patient and the family are very happy."

I first read that last sentence and thought "Excuse me, she's growing a penis at the age of 18 and is supposed to be happy about it?" Then I remembered: "Oh, yeah, this is India. Duh." *sigh*

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
My Name Is Blanket: Prince Michael Jackson II's Future Autobiography
The Onion's Michael Jackson revelations. "Never once behaved inappropriately around young girls." "Treats children with same love and respect his father showed him." "Did that shit to his face on purpose."

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Advertisers find out what watchers always knew: Nobody really watches TV commercials on non-Super Bowl days.
"He found those viewers who watched the ads together tended to "deride products and ads in front of their friends", defeating the object of advertising." HEE! You know what's really funny? After awhile, I have no idea what the stupider commercials are even advertising FOR.

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Ojani, I don't know you, but I love you.
"According to reports, Ojani Noa, a Miami waiter who was married to J.Lo for less than a year in 1995, is deliberately refusing to annul their marriage. They were legally divorced, but failed to have their union annulled by the Catholic Church, which means that they are still seen as husband and wife.
"She screwed me out of a decent divorce settlement, then fired me as manager of her restaurant for no reason. I owe her nothing," says J.Lo's ex."

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Oooh, check the picture

Sunday, February 9, 2003
International Quirkyalone Day!
"How quirkyalone are you? Your score was 58. Somewhat quirkyalone (otherwise known as quirkytogether): You are probably part of a mysterious group of people, the quirkytogethers. You share many of our quirky qualities, but you manage to find yourself, on a regular basis, in a coupled situation. Interesting."

Go figure.

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Ask Kevin Mitnick!
"What is the password to my PayPal account? I forgot it a while back.
Kevin:
It's guym0nt4g. Hope that helps!"

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Japanese sex roulette
Yet another one of those links where you can't help but think, "Good God, the Japanese are CRAZY."

"Even if participants do fall pregnant, they don't seem to see it as a worry. Partygoers have to pay "Ejaculation Insurance" of about 5,000 yen before they're allowed to take part. This money is all pooled and used to pay for abortions should any girl be saddled with an unwanted pregnancy."

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Buffy: The Animated Series sketches

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Breakfast Club stereotypes turn out like that in real life too
Gee, there's a shocker.

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Dubya believes in aliens

Sunday, February 9, 2003
I love the wackiness that is John Cage
"The first notes in the longest and slowest piece of music in history, designed to go on for 639 years, are being played on a German church organ on Wednesday. The three notes, which will last for a year-and-a-half, are just the start of the piece, called As Slow As Possible. Composed by late avant-garde composer John Cage, the performance has already been going for 17 months - although all that has been heard so far is the sound of the organ's bellows being inflated."

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Star Wars Karaoke Songbook

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Ah, the irony.
"Swiller tells the story of an abortion provider who, as she was preparing to perform an abortion, heard her patient call her a "baby killer." "She said, 'Excuse me? Are you sure you want to go through with this?' and then recognized her as one of the regular picketers. And the woman said, 'Well, I'm different. I'm married, I have two kids, and I had an affair, and my husband would kill me if he found out.'"

Sunday, February 9, 2003
The Blue Castle online
A girly-girl book, but a sweet one. I liked it. It's apparently very popular on ChickLit.

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Create Your Own Kama Sutra
"Dang, how'd they GET into those positions, anyway?"

Sunday, February 9, 2003
Art gallery tries to scare off Goths with Vivaldi, Goths turn out to LIKE Vivaldi.
This cracks me up.

They tried doing this in our downtown a few years ago, figuring that classical music must be despised by teenagers. I don't think any gave a damn.

Friday, January 31, 2003
Okay, I guess Shania didn't quite lipsync at the Super Bowl...
This column on her blows my mind with its sadness:
"There she is, openly admitting in RS that not a single song on her new best-selling CD "Up!" means anything to her personally, not one song is the slightest bit about her or anything she really cares about, her desires or emotions or painful angst about her hair or teeth or life in a remote multimillion-dollar Swiss chalet, where she now lives. There she is, shrugging off the fact that every single song was exhaustively, viciously, perfectly crafted in the studio to squeeze out the absolute highest quotient of commercial salability, with not a single shred of genuine integrity or even the pretense of authentic emotion or content, and of course there's not a single thing wrong with that, except that it's completely and depressingly disingenuous and hollow and sad and in an oil-drunk ShrubCo world, it feels like exactly the last thing we really need.
Here's a kicker: The music Twain cares most about, the songs that have something to do with what she's really about as a human and a woman and a Canadian and an "artist," she sings in her bathroom, with the door closed, and usually not even her husband can hear them, because she fears they're pretty much crap and have no commercial value and no catchy hooks and one would want to hear them. Yikes."

Friday, January 31, 2003
Earthlike planets are hard to find

Friday, January 31, 2003
Quick, write Homer Simpson some e-mail before his hands wear out!

Friday, January 31, 2003
What good a college education does you these days.
"Before we left for the day, Snake broke the news to me that because I was lowest in seniority, I was out of a job. As I walked to gather my things I looked around at everyone, their dull eyed stares hiding the relief that it was me and not them. I wanted to scream "Me? ME?! I can pass a piss test. I haven't gotten any sores from sitting. I haven't shown up drunk or called from jail. But, but...I have a degree!"
As I write these words I am ten hours away from being laid off for the fourth time in nine months. In the two months following Reggie's arrest and my return, my job's uncertainty has been on the line every week. I was almost let go last week, but because Chris didn't show up from what we later learned was a crystal meth overdose, he ended up being the one. My employment balances on the whim of a suit who has never set foot in our work area and to whom I am merely a number being crunched. When did the future stop being a promise and start being a threat?"

Friday, January 31, 2003
Man loses all marital assets after beating the shit out of his wife.
(Definitely trying to kill her, too. In front of the kids.) That was the LEAST they could do.

Friday, January 31, 2003
Watch out, some small state! The Libertarians are coming, and they're gonna take you over!

Friday, January 31, 2003
Brainteasers: The Aftermath
"I can't operate on him! That's my son!" What happened next?

Friday, January 31, 2003
Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.
(Not me, people!) This is the Little Lytton contest, for those who like the traditional Bulwer-Lytton one, but think the sentences are just too darn long.

Friday, January 31, 2003
Can someone get the Daddy of the Year here fixed before he spawns 50 more?
"An Afghan man says he is determined to set a world record by having 100 children.
Haji Wakeel, 50, from Kohat, has the nickname 'Top-gear 50' for fathering 50 children from his four wives.
He lives in a five room house that doesn't have any beds and claims his wives have never argued with each other because he has treated them well and given them equal rights.
He says his children are given food from neighbours since he cannot afford to provide them with enough meals.
Mr Wakeel, who often forgets the names of his numerous children, told Pakistan daily The News: "I don't remember but I think five of my children have died so far, while 45 are alive."

Let's see, he has too many kids, can't take care of the kids at all, there's about 50 people sleeping on the floor at his house, and he and doesn't really know who the heck they are or which of them have died. Um, YEAH. Need I say more?

Friday, January 31, 2003
Did everybody look up her dress?

Friday, January 31, 2003
I'm gonna cry.
"Office rental rates won't increase much until 2007 or 2008, when the next boom comes, he added."

The next boom isn't for at least five more years?!?!

Shoot me now.

Friday, January 31, 2003
We have three moons!

Friday, January 24, 2003
Join the Avrilution!
Somehow I imagine the entire population of 3WA would go into hives upon seeing this...

Friday, January 24, 2003
Schools as prisons...literally...
"A simple solution would avert the budget disaster facing California's schools: We should declare every public school to be a prison. The kids would understand.

Details need to be worked out, but I want every child in California to be given a 13-year prison sentence at age 5, with the possibility of a four-year extension.

That way, the $7,000 the state spends per student each year could immediately be raised to $27,000 -- what the state spends on each inmate annually. And our criminally under-funded schools would qualify for the only category in the governor's proposed budget that's slated to get more money this year.

Gov. Gray Davis is asking for a 1 percent budget increase for the California Department of Corrections. Meanwhile, our schools are flinching at threats of abusive slashes in state support.

Given the alternative of layoffs, more crowded classrooms, fewer teachers' aides and disappearing supplies, school officials should jump for joy at the chance for their district's schools to be transformed into prisons and their students to become inmates.

Elementary schools in San Francisco haven't been staffed with school nurses for many years. Recent court cases, however, have set minimal levels for acceptable health care for prisoners. If schools suddenly became prisons, students would be entitled to the same health-care standards."

Oh hell, schools already feel like prisons, why not?

Friday, January 24, 2003
Okay, someone doesn't understand sarcasm or joking...

Friday, January 24, 2003
Firstborns and only children are the big achievers
Can't say that's a big surprise, speaking as an only child.

Friday, January 24, 2003
More surprise reality revelations
If you read the (Javascript) comments attached to this entry, you'll find out that the women who participated in "Bridezillas" did NOT know that was what they were signing up for. They heard BS about an "intimate portrait" on a show called "Manhattan Brides." Surprise, surprise, that's not what they got.

Friday, January 24, 2003
Indian men offered free bike if they get a vasectomy
Heh, the opposite of the place handing out pigs for babies...

Friday, January 24, 2003
How to tell if your coworker is an alien
"Aliens often wear huge sunglasses to hide their eyes. Most aliens have large, staring eyes that are hard to conceal. Sunglasses help them appear more normal. Aliens have cold and clammy skin. Many aliens wear synthetic skin in order to pass themselves off as human. It's never as warm as real skin, and it often feels "slimy" to the touchy. They smell. Aliens use all manner of deodorants, perfumes, or lotions to disguise their natural scent, which is offensive to humans. Aliens are obsessed with technology. They spend hours chatting on cell phones and sending e-mails. But they're not conversing with people -- they're actually transmitting data they've accumulated back to their home worlds. Aliens have strange bodily proportions. The newest breeds of aliens attempt to imitate human appearance -- but they never quite get it right. They are like exaggerated ideas of human perfection. Their stomachs are too flat, their chests too big, their faces wrinkle-free. Aliens have strange diets. Aliens may not be able to digest most human foods. Because of this, they are limited in the types of foods they can eat, and they may become vegetarians. Watch out for people who eat a lot of melons -- that's an alien favorite. Aliens dance in inhuman ways. Most alien species have a completely different physiology than ours. They have the ability to move their bodies to music in a way no ordinary human can, and this results in a dancing style that is quite breathtaking. Aliens do not understand Earth's sense of humor. Forget what you saw on Mork and Mindy. Aliens find it difficult to understand laughter -- even a simple knock-knock joke can throw them completely off. They might laugh at inappropriate times -- like during a funeral -- or stare blankly at the funniest jokes. Aliens dress in oddly revealing clothes. Aliens find clothing irritates their flesh, so the less of it they wear, the more comfortable they are. They also like to keep their fake human skin exposed to air, to allow it to breathe."

What to Expect When You're Expecting an Alien Baby: Hilarious!

Friday, January 24, 2003
Paul the butler also didn't know that Evan wasn't rich.
I found a Salon article a few days ago quoting Paul as saying "After day 10 of shooting, I thought, 'If this guy's got $50 million, I'm the Queen of England,'", but since now they're no longer readable (scroll down for why), I can't link it.

Friday, January 24, 2003
Grease 3, coming right up.
Okay, why on earth did they cast a 34-year-old to play a teenager?!

Friday, January 24, 2003
Cloning doesn't mean the clone will have the same personality as the original
I figured that there'd be some differences, sure, since they would have had different nurtures. But these two cats being so different in temperment does surprise me. That's what I always wondered about cloning.

Friday, January 24, 2003
Cheerleaders for chess?!?

Friday, January 24, 2003
Diamonds are a load of hype
I absolutely love this rant. (Why, you ask? Scroll down on the comments page for awhile and you'll see.)

Friday, January 24, 2003
The X-Men aren't human
I find it amusing that they were ruining the images of these superhuman characters just to get cheaper. Then again, what else can you expect these days?

Friday, January 24, 2003
May I shoot myself now?
"Only, instead of apples, he hawks arcane high-tech skills in interactive TV or DVD authoring for a fast-food-outlet salary. It may be the best he can do. Last month, the Department of Labor announced that long-term joblessness -- when people can't find work for six months or more -- has reached its highest point in 10 years."

Friday, January 24, 2003
Mark Morford gets my love again
"Not when you see how hell-bent they are on hurling the nation, and women, back to 1954, and enforcing their own narrow and bitter views of God and females and procreation upon the entire country. You know, just like Syria.

They will try. And for the most part, they will fail.

Here is why -- and this must also be made very, very clear: Women have always had abortions. They always have, and they always will, and the antichoice crowd can scowl and legislate and stomp their pious bunioned feet and refuse to ever have good sex in their entire lives and they will only contribute to the pain and suffering (and yes, death) of thousands of poor women worldwide, for whom basic health care funding has been cut due to Bush's abortion stance. How proud they must be.

Hundreds, nay thousands, of years, across every culture and every religion and ethnicity and age group, women have chosen to end their procreative cycles. In enlightened ancient Athens, the cradle of modern civilization, some 5,000 years ago, abortion was legal and ethically accepted, as with other famed Greek city-states. You can look it up. From visiting a medicine women or a shaman for a tincture or a certain abortion-inducing herb, or even a stick thrust into the uterus, to modern health clinics where the abortion procedure is safe and the woman's life is protected, procreative control has always beem, essentially, a given, no matter what someone else's interpretation of the bible might decree, and no matter how much they've tried to bury RU-486 or restrict access to the "morning after" pill or prohibit condom distribution in schools.

And of course any attempt to stifle this natural law, any attempt to outlaw a woman's spiritually and karmically-empowered right to terminate her own reproductive cycle, any attempt to control it with guilt and punishment and murderous ultra-right-wing Christian firebombs, simply results more harm to women, more of the infamous, potentially deadly back-alley abortions featuring the ubiquitous coat hanger -- still in use, you can be assured, in many repressed states. This is not even a debate. This is what happens when you try to cram a personal religious-based ideology down everyone's karma. Just ask the Taliban. And women will never ever stop exercising this right, not in your lifetime or the next or the next after that. It's true."

Amen to this. "The Christian Right has taken over two branches of our government ­ the executive and the legislative ­ and is fighting desperately to take over the third, our judicial system. With a conservative, right-wing Christian president like George W. Bush, they will do just that. Bush will nominate only anti-abortion ideologues to the federal bench and the Supreme Court, and they will be quickly approved by a House and Senate dominated by Bush clones.

The anti-choice extremists in this country are on a perverted path that will lead to the same outcome as the Taliban takeover in Afghanistan ­ repression and control of women. The first step is to deprive women of the fundamental powers of self-determination, starting with the most basic human right of all, reproductive freedom. Most Americans do not realize that we are already engaged in a religious war that our opponents do not intend to lose, and a woman's body is the battleground. Abortion is their rallying cry and the centerpiece of their political strategy.

The threat to our democracy is not from swarthy, middle-eastern Muslims who hate us in the name of Allah. The threat is from our next door neighbor with the innocent, peach-fuzz face who earnestly believes he's been called by Jesus to save our souls. It's these self-righteous Christian extremists, determined to use our secular laws to impose their personal religious beliefs on all Americans, who will be the ones to shred our Constitution in the name of God.

These extremists raise millions of dollars for their war by demonizing abortions, the physicians who perform them, and the women who need them. They funnel these millions into political races to elect right-wing, "pro-life" candidates who will make their dream a reality and who will give them even more government money for their "faith-based" propaganda. Many well-meaning Americans, uneasy with the idea of abortion, have accepted the propaganda and the politics of the "pro-life" leaders, totally unaware they are being duped into participating in a much larger, more sinister scheme. They don’t realize that abortion is only the major weapon in a much broader battle designed ultimately to reshape our democracy into a Christian theocracy. The abortion debate is not about sanctity of life or a woman’s right to choose. It is about a right-wing religious takeover of our government. Until the general public realizes this, there will never be a true understanding of what this debate is all about.

Moderate Republicans found this out the hard way. Their party has been taken over by the "so-called" Christian Right, led by Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, based primarily on the opposition to abortion.

Freedom for women is the proverbial canary in the political coal mine. Women are the first victims in any ultra-conservative, right-wing takeover. One need only look at the Taliban and the way they treat their women to see where the extreme religious mentality leads ­ unyielding control and violence. At the heart of this "jihad" by Muslim extremists against Americans are two different cultural and religious perceptions of women -- how they are to be treated, how they are depicted, how they are controlled.

It is no surprise there have been killings at the clinics to try to stop abortion. Violence is the inevitable outcome of a controlling personality, whether it is a husband who uses violence to control his wife, a Taliban "enforcer" who beats a woman publicly because a lock of hair fell from beneath her burqa, or a "pro-life" extremist who uses clinic violence to control many women by eliminating access to abortions. When this personal violence is institutionalized and becomes government policy, it is called fascism.

George W. Bush, almost by fiat, is squelching opposition and taking away our freedoms on a daily basis using 9/11 as an excuse. And few people are paying attention because their particular piece of the sky hasn’t fallen yet. When it does, it will be too late for them to do anything about it. Right now the American people are being willingly, almost eagerly, herded into a political prison, under the guise of fighting the "war on terrorism," but once that door slams shut behind them, it will be too late to fight. It will be too late to do anything."

Friday, January 24, 2003
Crossovers between Buffy and Angel are now okay! Whee!
Here's an interesting article on the guy who does the wildfeed summaries for Buffy.

Friday, January 24, 2003
Teens teaching sex ed in Bulgaria
Yeah, and I'm sure the religious right would rather shoot teens than allow this here.

Adopt a prostitute! Man, so many comments I could make here...

Friday, January 24, 2003
Registration for newspaper sites to be going up all over the place. Ugh.
It depends. I have to admit that I don't mind what Washington Post did, mainly because (a) it didn't require yet another username and password, and (b) I could always type in that I was a 90-year-old male for the demographic information to amuse myself, then it was out of my hair. But anything that requires "official" registration these days I am ignoring. I have enough trouble keeping track of my passwords for my freebie sites, message boards I'm on, various work passwords (worst of all for complications, lemme tell ya), etc., etc. I don't need to keep track of any more of these things than I absolutely have to.

Also, I firmly believe as a weblogger in NOT linking to any site that requires registration first to read. That's not really public access much, and who am I to dictate that you register for this one article? Screw that.

Naturally, that's gonna lead me to commenting on the whole Salon thing. I probably wouldn't mind clicking on ads so much (I ignore 'em), but it requires that you have Flash, which I can't download at work. And since I pretty much read Salon at work, well, that screws that idea. Plus I have teo admit that these folks have a point about the clicking through- that anyone who does is "also supporting a pay-per-view/suffer-through-ads-per-view model that thus takes another small step from being the Internet-exception to being the Internet-norm. That, we strongly believe, would be a very bad thing."

And frankly, Salon these days isn't that good enough to pay for any more. Years ago, maybe. But then again, I don't need to remember yet another username and password, and I can't effectively share links from the site any more, so it'd only be good for my own personal amusement instead of weblogging.

And in all honesty, I suspect their problem is that you're paying for access. It's not like you're buying a paper magazine to keep and save if you wish. You're suscribing for access. Which is one thing when you're paying to go online, it's another just to read stuff.

Suffice it to say that Wednesday was the (inevitable) day when I finally deleted my bookmarks to Salon.

Friday, January 24, 2003
Bittersweets
For your cranky Valentine needs

Friday, January 24, 2003
Oh my gawd
Talk about BLATANT here.

Friday, January 24, 2003
Ms. Goth Massechusetts
Mr. and Mrs. Dracula.

Friday, January 17, 2003
Grrrrrr.
"Let us reiterate: It is National Sanctity of Life Day, as declared by ShrubCo, as applauded by the quivering masses of right-wing anti-choice exceptionally misguided Bush voters gathered to hear the little speech and for whom the Bush admin created the completely nonrecognized, nonfunded, token-bone day in the first place.
To make them feel vindicated, is why. To make them feel that, sure enough, the government should decide their personal, sexual and reproductive life-choices for them, and their daughters, and the nation, and poor women in foreign countries, because their God said so, all of them cheering and applauding and acting as if Ashcroft's very misogynistic homophobic anti-choice existence hasn't, all by itself, already sufficiently slashed at the very heart of divine self-realized feminine energy.
This is the Bush message. This is the smirky, self-righteous dogma. Life only has any sort of sanctity if you are, you know, unborn, as in fetal, and belonging to a nice blandly married Republican couple somewhere in Ohio or Colorado Springs, blindly supportive of both the multiple ongoing wars and the overturning of Roe v. Wade and the creation of the Homophobia Merit Badge for the Boy Scouts.
Are you dying of cancer? Suffering from Parkinson's or Multiple Sclerosis or some other devastating, heart wrenching disease? Well gosh, shrugs Dubya, too bad for you. National Sanctity of Life Day means bitterly and severely restricted stem-cell research that could've someday saved your sanctity-less life. Oh well."

Words cannot express how much I loathe this man. Especially when stuff like Parkinson's, MS, and worse run rampant in my family.

Friday, January 17, 2003
Roe vs. Wade: Then and Now
Read this. Please.

Friday, January 17, 2003
Virtual Journalist Game
Ah, boy, does this take me back to the good old days... and then reminds me how it may be good that I'm out.

Friday, January 17, 2003
Giant Lava Lamp!

Friday, January 17, 2003
I don't really know what this is, but it's cute

Friday, January 17, 2003
The Advertising Slogan Generator
You'll notice that this doesn't work all that well with long titles... though I am amused at "Break Me Off A Piece Of That Little Ms. Sweet And Innocent."

Friday, January 17, 2003
South Park Scripts

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Wesley and Willow are engaged!
Yay! Interesting coincidence when you find out what the third American Pie is going to be about...

Abridged Buffy.

If Buffy ends, Angel can be on the finale. Yay to that too.

The idiot's guide to continuity on Buffy. Vampires do not breathe, they shouldn't be driving in a black car in the daylight, and other 90 pound waifs shouldn't be able to fight vampires on a daily basis. Good points, all.

Apparently, the entire freaking cast of Buffy all went off and got themselves some LiveJournals. Seriously, the list goes on and on. Like, since when did they come back from the dead?

The Angel cast got into the act too. Even the evil hand joined in, though they seem to be missing an Angel, Gunn, and Lorne journals. Come on people, step up to the plate here!

Now THIS is frightening.

Okay, I give up. There's too many to count.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
So what did Evan Marriott need etiquette training for?
Because he apparently grew up rich himself... I find it funny that he used to go around telling people he was the heir to the Marriott fortune. I wondered if that was why they made him use his middle name on the show, to avoid a lawsuit, especially when his last name is more convincing.

Oh, and if any of the girls ever got his shirt off, the jig would have been up- he has his last name tattooed across his back. Rather tacky.

The girls didn't know they were supposed to be dating a millionaire before the announcement on the show. That surprises me. They just billed it as "looking for true love in an exotic locale," apparently. This contestant though the money thing sounded hokey.

Here's how Joe Millionaire and The Batchelorette end. Not all that surprising of outcomes, really...

I find this funny: "The first "Bachelor," Alex Michel - who snubbed "Bachelorette" Trista Rehn for a younger woman at the end of the first series - continued to carry a torch for Trista, writing and phoning her for months after the show ended.
And when the girl Alex had proposed to on national TV, Amanda Marsh, learned about his double-dealing, she left Alex, according to a sizzling report in the upcoming issue of TV Guide." Yeah, Alex sounded like such a brilliant guy...

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Celebrity Mole contestants need that money- screw charitiy!
I love that attitude.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
The first hearing impaired Survivor
I don't know how well she'll be able to do on the show with regards to backstabbing, but I applaud her for trying out and getting on. Though this article implies that she could hide her hearing issue- I doubt that.

Meanwhile, it was probably inevitable that they'd do sex-segregated tribes, but I wonder how well they're going to do in challenges involving heavy crap. I fear there may be an all-male smackdown going on.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
More ugly bridesmaid dresses

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Minicars take off around non-license-owning Italian teens
Once upon a time, I wrote a school essay on how the world would be screwed up if eight-year-olds could drive. I put in that they'd all have to get special mini-cars. So reading this is rather funny for me.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Scalzi sold his book!
Much to my delight, after publishing Old Man's War online, someone got interested and gave him a deal! I'm amazed. (For those of you who didn't read it when I posted the link last time, too late- now you'll have to wait a year or two for publication.)

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Ooh la la!

Thursday, January 16, 2003
The Onion headline generator

Thursday, January 16, 2003
What's the point of buying a flying machine if you're not allowed to fly it?

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Who would really want to watch a show like this?

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Give me the goddamn diamond!
Lord, this song TOTALLY sounds like my relatives.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Possible pending shootout at the City Council meeting!
(a) My fiance's from this town. Somehow I don't think he'd be surprised to read this.

(b) One of my old coworkers used to cover City Council meetings here, then moved to this town. I hope she doesn't cover CC meetings there too...

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Yet another reason why Catholicism annoys me.
"For several years now, the diocese of St-Jérôme has been quietly contacting the families of 295 children, offering to rebaptize them.
Starting in 1991, the lay person who officiated mistakenly let the parents pour holy water on their children's forehead while she pronounced blessings.
Now the families have been told that this was an erroneous procedure and that the same person should have performed both acts. The Catholic church does not require that person to be a priest." The hell?

And the country that's the worst for crime is...NOT America! Believe it or not (I don't), it's Vatican City. Yup, the city of the pope! Then again, look at what the crimes are.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Paying students to go to school. Don't I wish we did that here.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
If you have a baby, we'll give you a free pig!
Oh, gee, sign me right up for that deal.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
"An Argentinian rock star is threatening to leave the country for good unless his fans give him a million dollars.
Charly Garcia said: "If that does not happen, I'll go to New York and never come back to Buenos Aires."
Garcia made the threat in an interview with Clarin's newspaper magazine Si!, whose readers have voted him artist of the year. He says he deserves the money for being famous for more than 20 years and is asking his fans to each deposit one dollar in a special bank account."

Thursday, January 16, 2003
More reasons to hate the J.Ho
"According to news stories, her bodyguard must address her as "Number One." She has been known to order six breakfasts at a time, because she likes plenty to choose from. If her coffee isn't stirred counter-clockwise, she won't drink it. At a Vogue party, she demanded that all revelers be cleared from the ladies' room before she entered, a request that wasn't nearly as odd as when she visited the Rick Dees radio show, and had an underling warn the staffers to avoid eye contact with Her Number Oneness, while another lackey prepared her way, spraying Tuberose perfume in the studio where she'd be interviewed. She checks her dogs into the Presidential Suite at the Ritzy Canine Carriage House, where the canines sleep on cashmere bedding, have access to a pet beauty salon, and are fitted with Swarovski crystal collars. During a 2000 BBC appearance, she set new records for diva-ness by showing up with a 60-person entourage, including three chefs and 11 interior decorators, then demanding 10 dressing rooms, all of which had to be adorned in white cotton weave and lace. All of this, so that she could go on the air to lip-synch two songs. Which makes one wonder, just what block is Jenny From the Block from? The Rue de la Paix? Worth Avenue? Mars?"

It took eleven people to write that crappy song, incidentally. ELEVEN?!

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Ian McKellen won't be Dumbledore.
Waaaah. I never even heard of this guy who's up for it now.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Oolong the pancake-wearing rabbit died.
And I'm so sad. Poor bunny. But he had a long and happy life for a rabbit. (Warning: photos of his death and burial in the link.)

Thursday, January 16, 2003
And you thought Save Karyn was bad.
Might I suggest that stuffing your bra with squirrels might be a cheaper and more lively alternative?

Or maybe you could get one of these MEN'S shirts... Yeah, I'm sure THIS fad will be sweeping the nation any minute now.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Soldier diagnosed with acute sexual frustration.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Jar-Jaromir
"Jackson added, "I just love it when he shouts, 'Yousa steala precious from meesa!'"

Mary Sue joins the Fellowship. Bizarre but funny.

Thursday, January 16, 2003
Porn store offers clergy discount!
I'm sure these wedding videos will be shown to the entire family for years to come, and make them some money at the rental joint too!