Wednesday, February 14, 2001
Make Your Own Candy Hearts

I found more er, holiday happiness links today, and figured what the hell, I'll move it all up to the top.

Just so I'm not totally ripping on men here (the above heart notwithstanding, but the word "girls" wouldn't fit on the hearts), here's part 2 of Polly Esther's gender series on women. I was kinda cracking up at #'s 6 and 7 on the front page, mainly because (a) I think like a guy on this one (I am easily grossed out and thus refuse to touch stuff to clean it and (b) a certain friend of mine is totally like that. She'll clean the guy's entire house and redo all his furniture for fun. And on the next page I felt kinda creeped out by this paragraph: "How to find some way to punish you for your total lack of interest in her that doesn't include actually having to break up with you." Man. I've done this...um, no comment. Okay, so it's never been a case of total lack of interest, but I do get in stupid snits when I'm feeling ignored (pretty much do this with everyone, actually) and think exactly that...Oy.

Okay, even scarier. I just read the Plastic thread about this, and then found "The Volatile Explosive." Shit, this is so me I had to double check to make sure nobody I knew had written it.
"Wants: To validate her deep-seated insecurities by "proving" that you never really loved her at all.
Needs: To realize sometimes people are just kind of insensitive jerks, without it indicating some grand conspiracy." (What, can't I think that there's a grand conspiracy that everyone is an insensitive jerk?)
"Mainly Concentrating On: Cataloging perceived slights to bind in book form--to later throw that book at you.
Benefits: No constant minor tifts! Most of the time, smoooth sailing.
Drawbacks: Occasional emotional apocalypes that catch you completely by surprise and make you want to shoot yourself in the head." (Seriously wondered if someone I knew had written that line!)
"Fun: Frequently has you over to her place for booze, food, movies, sex, and whatever else your heart desires.
Not so Fun: Having to race down to her place to grovel when you belatedly figure out you're in the shithouse, again.
Deepest Darkest Secret: She really does love you madly, which is *way* too emotionally risky for her blood.
With Her You'll Be: Alternately napping under a lovely blanket of affection, and waking up to find it's on fire."
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnn.

Pamie's poetry: weird and wild.

"What is your favorite word for vagina and why?" "Twat. Because I can finally say it. I mean, in grade school, I thought that was one of the worst words you could ever say, and now I am not only saying twat, I am saying it on stage. A friend said to me, 'You know Swoosie, you've done The Vagina Monologues so many times, you should change your name to Twatsie."

Proposals gone wrong.

"Did I engage in oral sex? Anal sex? Traumatic sex? I had to have that last one explained to me, since I wasn't aware there was any other kind."

"Sex can become like a drug to which people are enslaved," says the celibate swami.

"Happy Valentine's Day, you fuck."

Another happy couple: Sylvia and Ted.

"According to one count, three-quarters of celebrity unions end in divorce." Gee, what a surprise.

And wouldn't you know that Puffy picks Valentine's Day to break the news we already knew, "he and his love Jennifer Lopez have in fact broken up." Anyone else find it weird that he (or at any rate, the publicist) refers to her as "his love" in this? Because guess what, she isn't any more.

Here's the thinker article: ''Some people say they're never in love,'' said Lucy Brown, professor of neuroscience at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, who is also doing work on brain scans of passionate lovers. ''That is certainly based partly on their physiology.''

Here's my wish on this Valentine's Day: That my brain chemistry magically change.

Happy or unhappy day, y'all.

Wednesday, February 14, 2001
A truthful resume
This is just amusing- the writer makes a list of every job she ever had in her checkered career, and the pros and cons (mostly cons) of all.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
I'm frightened
"I think this may be the scariest issue I've ever written about. Thinking about this subject scares me more than nuclear war, apocalypse, Middle East terrorists, and Barney. It's an issue that I never in a million years thought I'd ever have to deal with. I was sure I'd be immune, and for a while it seemed I was, that is, until recently.
What is this subversive terror of which I am writing? What is this awful thing which terrifies me so? I refer to it as the Mommy phenomenon: the urge to nurture, to love and be loved, the mommy instinct.
I thought, perhaps, it was a bit like an STD. With the proper planning and precautions, it could be prevented entirely. Perhaps, I hoped, not every woman felt this strange yearning to have a child. Perhaps not every woman was destined to breed, and I hoped, I could be one of the proud, the few, the non-breeders, the people who are childless and still feel fulfilled... It's an internal battle raging inside, and I'm frightened that one of these days little Ms. I-Want-A-Baby is going to kick Ms. Let's-Be-Rational's ass."

Please, for the love of God and for the love of any innocent children I have the potential to spawn, let this not happen to me. I can't even keep plants alive...

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
The "Seed" experiment
(Link above has links to all of the story so far). Slate's working on an in-the-moment investigative piece about the fate of sperm from a bank of high-IQ donors. I'm amazed the guy's got so much response after a few days.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
I bet you always knew those blurb quotes on the backs of books were useless
And I'm sure glad I don't have a job that would force me to try to get them out of people.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
Introducing John Cage...
an extremely funky fellow that's probably the Ally McBeal guy's namesake for weird (although in a different manner entirely. Though maybe some similar musical bents?), and my favorite work of his. (Note to all: Please read the first link before clicking on the second- after you read the first, the second will finally make sense to you.)

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
Two links from Bad Hair Days...
The guy who hangs his dog from the ceiling, and a very in-depth story involving a local girl and her friends being held hostage while on a climbing trip.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
How to write poetry like a Bush man
(Love that this is done by the Adam Clymer Fan Club, btw!) Here's mine (hey, they had limited vocabulary available!):

fuzzy divider
not a uniter
And uh, so
I am a person who
love revengeful
subliminable
asshole mential
madmen

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
If you wanna make more money...you gotta look like a frump
Kind of the opposite of Hillary's problem, this article says that if you have mousy brown hair, are tall, and frown a lot, you're gonna make more money than them cute, short blondes. Geeeeeez. Isn't it weird how in Big Business being cute is a character flaw, while in Washington not being cute is?

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
Tragedy strikes in Teletubbyland
They're ending the series. My three year old cousin (he of the extremely odd talking Po from the 11th) will be devastated.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001
Porn Czar Says Inexperience is Irrelevant
"Utah's new porn czar is an acknowledged virgin who rarely watches R-rated movies and has prosecuted a scant five pornography cases in her 15-year legal career. But Paula Houston asserts she knows smut when she sees it. Utah -- a state that regularly appoints teetotallers to its alcohol-regulatory board, the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control -- is the nation's pioneer in creating an "obscenity and pornography complaints ombudsman."

As you can imagine, the new porn czar is yes, a 40-year-old Mormon virgin who grew up in the boonies without a TV (or any boys to fool around with, I'm guessing). The article goes on to debate about whether someone who's never had sex can actually determine what's porn. In all honesty, I could have determined that when I was an 11-year-old virgin, so I don't think that's a qualifier. (It's so obvious, yo.) Then people go on about how only the sin free can make moral judgements about porn.

"Houston promises to wage war on all types of pornography "for as long as it takes" -- unless she finds herself immersed daily in a cesspool of sleaze.
"I won't last very long in this job if I have to look at this stuff every single day for eight hours," Houston told The Salt Lake Tribune last week. "If it's like that, then someone else can do the job."
For one pornography prosecution in West Valley City, Houston watched hours of hard-core sex videos, dutifully logging each detail for a judge. To counter the impact of the explicit images, Houston spent her time away from work on "wholesome activities," like taking her nieces and nephews to Disney movies."

Call it a hunch that yes, she will have to watch 8 hours a porn a day, given the above reference for one case.

"The Brigham Young University law school graduate says her love of children and the importance of family moved her to apply for the unique position...During her free time, she spends hours playing catch with her nieces and nephews. She hopes to marry and have a family some day, but says work has postponed that plan."

The more I read this, the more I get creeped out by the following things: (1) The fact that this woman's virginity is discussed like it's meat being served around at Thanksgiving dinner. Geez, isn't that personal to have in the newspaper, even for Mormons?

(2) The weird child focus thing she has going on: repeating the whole second mommy for the nieces and nephews thing, saying how she wanted to prosecute porn because of her love of children (oh, that just sounded SO bad of me!). Is it just me, or does she either sound like a grown-up child in some ways, someone who has to reiterate her womanliness by referring to an obsession with kids (see #3), or um, well...I'm not even gonna go on that one. And I don't think she is, but the tone of the article somehow gives me images I don't wanna think about. Maybe she should take me to a Disney movie to get them out of my head...

And (3) how totally weird it is to hear of a 40-year-old Mormon virgin. I've never ever heard of a Mormon remaining unmarried past...25, I think. (I've had Mormon friends, in case you wondered.) Another theory for why the mention of kids all over the place is that I think she's trying to sound not like something unnatural, which she probably is regarded as because she hasn't married and bred yet. The "yes, I'm really a mother at heart, I've just been um, distracted, don't think I'm a freak!" message.

Monday, February 12, 2001
The absurd hype of romanticism
"I feel about Valentine's Day the way some people feel about Christmas. Its main effect is not to foster warm wonderful feelings in that minuscule number of people who happen to be in love this week but to engender abiding depression, jealousy and loneliness in the rest of us who aren't."

And with that, I begin my fat ol' collection of Love Stinks Links for this holiday season. Oh, come on, like you thought I liked the holiday? I've been in a similar situation enough times that the joys for the holiday I felt as a elementary kids are looooong gone. This lameass story, for example, which really just doesn't belong in the media whatsoever, wouldn't have gotten any press without V-Day.

First off, let's start with some lovely greeting cards to send to um, people.

We should all be inspired by couples such as these. First up, the Reagans: Between finding out about more presidential masturbation and Nancy's blow jobs, I'm amused by this line: "As proud Californians, people should stop calling it a Lewinsky and start calling it a Davis. Monica, after all, abandoned Southern California for New York, while Nancy is still here. If nothing else, it would do wonders for the sales of UC Davis T-shirts.
Whether Ronnie knew of Nancy’s outstanding reputation when he began dating her, we may never know. But we do know that when Ronald Reagan, proponent of chastity and old-fashioned family values, married his second wife, Nancy, she was about three months pregnant."

And as for couple #2, here's a romantic paean for the holiday: "Jen's my big-assed trout. She's my sea bass. She's my whale, my dolphin, my ... my ... my big assed fish. I've already nailed her to the wall, pushed her button and listened to her sing "Pretty Woman" a thousand times.
(Speaking of which, am I the only one who absolutely LOVES those singing fish?? I've got a different Billy Bass in every room of my house, and sometimes I run from room to room pushing all their buttons and having my very own symphony of fake fish tunes. It's one of the perks of being rich and famous.)
I love you Jen. You're my big-assed fish."

Then there's couple #3:, the man who just took a dose of Viagra and his wife who seems to be forgetting he took it entirely.

The porn star seems to have the most stable relationship of the bunch...Eh, fuck it, marriage is going down the tubes anyway.

Polly Esther always knows how to tell it about men. It's especially lovely when they pull stuff like this.

Trying to get a decent female date before The Day Of Hell sounds difficult at best. Maybe finding an indecent one is the answer?

I swear, sometimes I think I should just take up plushie love.

New stuff!

Another hater struts her stuff:
""'Funny Girl.' Yeah, so funny I don't have a fuckin' boyfriend. Funny-looking, more like. [Sob.] [Crunch.] Ow." "Who 'loves me'? WHO 'loves me'? A PIECE of CANDY, that's who, and when I get done chewing, I'm going to KILL MYSELF."
According to just about every retailer on earth, the men of the world had better get the women of the world a bunch of crap for Valentine's Day or else. But the text of all the Zales ads -- "get her something truly special this year" -- has an ooky undertone that grosses me out. Yeah, get her something truly special. And utterly unoriginal. Because a good present is an expensive present, and chicks dig the ice, so even though she's only getting you a red tie with pink hearts on it and you both know it, suck it up and hand over the plastic.
If you have a sweetie, you feel compelled to make a night of it, to get romantic even if you had a sucky day at work, to make dinner reservations and wait around because the restaurant's overbooked and rush through the fondue when you feel like you really should have stayed home and done the dishes piled up in the sink, and you've got to get a gift, and you've got to get flowers and chocolates and blah, and there's all this pressure even if you think it's a stupid tradition. If you don't have a sweetie, you feel kind of left out, and you wish someone would send you a box of candy even though chocolate gives you hives and you also think it's a stupid tradition. Everyone wants love. Everyone wants to feel loved. Valentine's Day is ostensibly all about the love, but it winds up making everyone feel unappreciated and out-of-sorts, and it doesn't make any sense to confine love to just one day of the year anyway."

And I also enjoyed this one, which reminds me of Bridget Jones: "I have always considered Valentine’s Day to be one of the most emotionally painful days in the year for those who are not romantically involved in one way or another. It is like pouring acid onto a raw wound. Ouch! It feels as though you are under a spotlight, with the rest of the world scoffing at you and saying, ““Nah-na-na-nah-nah! We’re having sex and you’re not. We might be terminally obnoxious, but at least somebody loves us. Tra-la-la!”"

"Compromise is the act of lowering your own standards so that someone else can meet them."

I found this very odd "perfect man/woman" thing the other week, and while I'm not linking to most of it because I wasn't that impressed, I'll put a few. Here had an um, interesting quote AND Tom Lehrer song reference, which caught my attention:

"There's nothing more tragic and pitiful than a couple locked in a loveless marriage, year in, year out. You tell yourself you're going to leave. Then he says he's going to leave. Then he tells you he's decided to stay another four years. Then you meet your girlfriends in a bar at the airport and they say, "You go, girl! Join the private sector, get your groove back." But you go back to him anyway. He says this time it'll be different, this time he'll quit mid-term. Yeah, right. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta sit around the Finance Department waiting for him to die."

Also, Arthur Hailey writes this kinda baffling piece on how his perfect woman doesn't mind if he cheats on her because she understands how men pretty much can't be monogamous, and in a way he doesn't mind if she cheats on him, but um, never mind what he said there 'cause he gets jealous, and it's just weird.

I'm borrowing a quote from a preview of tonight's Buffy episode (don't say you weren't warned): "Love isn't always a positive emotion - look at some of the horrible things people do in its name."

In another one of those "couples" things, albeit not really, I found an odd tale of how people went so far as to get married at John Grisham's house. Japanese tourists (and why do so many weird tourist stories seem to be about the Japanese?) got out, hopped onto his lawn and conducted the ceremony. After JG gets over his total shock, he actually hops on hils lawn tractor with a bottle of champagne and congratulates them.

And then there's my favorite, Salon, who gave me a bunch of almost totally non-gushy links for this:
Ten remarks most likely to get your attention in a bad way.

A really odd one on love, paranoia, and a helluva lot of bear references. While frankly, she's REALLY stretching it with the bear thing (see for yourself), the last paragraph's not bad: "Other similarities between romantic love and paranoia include anxiety, a vague sense of unease, the sensation that one is being watched, jealousy, the sinking sensation that one has fallen for a trick, the panicky sensation that one is ensnared in a trap and the feeling that one would sooner confront a marauding bear than fall in love again." You go, bear.

Then there's two articles about love and books, fiction and nonfiction. The latter article, featuring analysis of fictional characters by Maggie Scarf (I've read her book, it's actually quite good), is interesting.

Proof that falling in love sucks for teenagers. Not that probably everyone over 13 hasn't figured that out already, but now they've got research saying it makes them all more depressed (of course, girls more than boys). That sure explains a lot.

And while the rest of this article is actually pretty sweet (yeah, yeah, I guess I had to put one positive article in), I was struck by the opening of it: "Two years ago, if anyone had asked, I would have said that I would probably never marry. I had nothing against the institution, but by my middle 30s I had come to believe that the marriage I'd always imagined might never happen. I didn't find this tragic; I found it liberating. Not getting married meant absolution from a number of entanglements I could do without -- a deadwood relationship, compromised living space, the halfhearted internal debate about whether to have babies. While I embraced the idea of marriage, I embraced solitude in equal measure. I found a certain elation in the prospect of a future in which I could allow my emotions and shoe-buying impulses to run free. At age 37, my desire for freedom seemed to have neatly trumped my yearning for anything, or anyone, else. And that was fine with me."

Monday, February 12, 2001
Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to GET me...
"That's why paranoia is endlessly satisfying, and nearly impossible to shake. You never know when a sneaking suspicion is going to turn into pay dirt. Just when you think you're losing it, reality and delusion combine to fuel what's either paranoia or common sense, depending on your point of view."

Monday, February 12, 2001

And with that, on to yet another round of reality show links (if anyone cares):

I have to link to this Mole recap (I haven't watched it since the first episode, even) because the challenges get weirder and weirder. Frankly, this whole "get to the hotel thing" is utterly bizarre.

Why some folks went on Temptation Island, which will now have a seventh episode after all (and a creepy picture of the host).

The Richardness of the current Survivor cast, and a nice resource on stuff related to the show.

Update: Michael's Lord of the Flies moment next week has been edited for goriness. And I'm enjoying this here commentary on the cast, and I just love "Hey there, Skinny McStretch, I don’t see you catching any fish, fucknuts."

Then there's this article, which says that Survivor is bad for kids to watch because they will learn the following things:
"1. The language on "Survivor" is all about backstabbing. The morning after, talk-show heads fan the flames of bad-mouthing.
2. The message of the show is that looking out for No. 1 justifies anything, from insincere posturing to lying to snooping.
3. Trust is nowhere in sight. To trust is to err. (Ask Kel.)
4. Banishment is the weekly climax for a soul who fails to excel at conniving.
5. Self-interest is supreme. The almighty dollar is worth any humiliation and every emotional betrayal."
Thing is, though...I'd learned every one of those by the time I was 15, without the aid of the show- just by living normal life. What they're probably so bugged about is that this show is much more open about being backstabbing than the majority of people who will backstab their kids in the future will be. That's the lesson here, folks: it's not always gonna be this easy to identify, unless you follow #3. Sorry, Susan.

And I knew it that "super size Friends" was a gyp! Big raspberries to you!

Monday, February 12, 2001
I wanna be a science hero
"I'm suffering from a whopping case of math envy. Sure, there are plenty of jobs in the world that don't require any mathematical knowledge - pool hustler, car jacker, porn star, garbage man - but I'll never be an astronaut or surgeon without some kind of legitimate science degree. I'll never walk on the moon or find a cure for cancer.

So here's me stuck in a world ruled by scientific principles that I will never fully comprehend, pursuing a diploma that will mean very little out in the real world, with nowhere to direct my anger except at the legions of math geniuses who have conspired to keep me locked on this tiny planet in a prison of ignorance. Grrr."

Monday, February 12, 2001
The evolving politics of the closet
This is one of those things that comes up on online forums from time to time: those folks who apparently set off gaydar all over America who don't want to come out formally. What the author refers to as "Don't Ask, Sorta Tell" because they won't name what gender they'd like to lay. I tend to feel pretty weirded out about these discussions when people go "So why don't they just COME OUT ALREADY?! They must, they have to!" That's a very personal decision, and it bugs me how some folks get the bug up their ass that someone's obligated to come out if they don't want to for whatever reason. But then again, I'm the kind of person who won't say if she thinks someone is gay-- even if they are well, flaming-- without good confirmation. It's not my business to out someone without their consent. I can understand why the folks in this article are as vague as they are, though. I know from experience that it's bloody difficult trying to avoid personal questions about why you don't have a relationship without people automatically going "Oh, so you're gay then?" Heck, some folks still do that even when I do answer their nosy-ass questions.

Monday, February 12, 2001
The Galaxy of Fame, for the "dehydrated and exhausted."
This is such a fucking laugh riot. If you want to have some real fun before clicking the link, try to guess which celebrity "said" what:

"I really did only pass out because I was legitimately exhausted. Seriously, pretending to be attracted to Garry Shandling really takes a lot out of you."
"Come on, when's the last time you ever heard anyone talking about me? Not since I started getting my period again, that's for sure."
"You know something? It sure was a lot easier pretending to be 'exhausted' and/or 'dehydrated' before I got busted for possession at the airport that time."
"I'd love to stay and chat, but Jason Priestley's waiting in the car and we have big plans to snort some blow off the rack of that Mandy chick from Temptation Island, and then drive his Rolls into the La Brea Tar Pits."
"I was only eating foods that were orange, for god's sake. How do you think an ailment like that would have evolved?"
"Dude, why didn't I think of this before? Yeah, uh -- I've been 'exhausted' and 'dehydrated,' too! Yep, that's all that's been troubling me all these many years. Heh heh heh."

Monday, February 12, 2001
Hidden Meanings About NYC in Microsoft Fonts
In Wingdings, the letters NYC come out as a skull and crossbonnes, the star of Judaism, and the thumbs up. Which apparently translate into "Death to Jews, OK." But if you type the same three letters in Webdings, it comes out with an eye, a heart, and a city skyline, which seems to mean "I love New York." Possible Microsoft conspiracy?

Monday, February 12, 2001
License Plate Maker
Self-explanatory.

Monday, February 12, 2001
New pill limits menstruation to 4 times a year
I'm amazed it took them this long to come up with the idea.

Monday, February 12, 2001
This is just so cute...
and so's this.

Monday, February 12, 2001
Yikes, a Britney parody of staggering accuracy...
"The pope commended Mindy for her "endorsement of positive values and the spirit of Christian probity," and Mindy gifted the pope with a rare Japanese pressing of "(Baby Let Me Be Your) Slut Bomb." And don't forget to check the disclaimer. Here's another Britney parody, only done as a rock opera by a high schooler. I'm so impressed.

Monday, February 12, 2001
A Modest Proposal
If earlier puberty is causing a ton of problems, why don't we just postpone it in everybody? That's the proposal in this piece, anyway. The argument is that between puberty coming around twelve and people not getting married until mid twenties, there's a helluva lot of sex hormones without an outlet going on there, and that's what causes a lot of issues. Ergo, why don't we give people puberty-prevental shots until they hit fifteen? I dunno about this, but he has a point in some respects.

Friday, February 9, 2001
Scary tits on game characters
It's about time. Lara Croft's tits just frighten me. I've been told it's a really good game, but every time I see the character I'm shocked and horrified by those watermelons on her chest. How does she run without injury? Ye gods.

Here and here sound like the antithesis of the sexpot girl game character. And she sounds very unusual. However, I guess there always has to be the jiggle wiggle peek-a-boo factor somewhere.

Friday, February 9, 2001
So Your Cat Has Ass Breath
If you can get past the first page of nasty breath descriptions, you'll find a steadily more hilarious rendition of all the things this cat manages to eat. DAMN, that's all I can say.

"When a furry fire hydrant with claws rockets across a studio apartment in pursuit of a McDonald's French fry, do you stop the furry fire hydrant, or do you get out of the way and pray for the Lord God to spare your life?"

Friday, February 9, 2001
Good news on the AIDS front
"Some women may be making a chemical in their bodies that blocks HIV infection, despite years of sexual exposure to the virus."

Friday, February 9, 2001
I'm tired of hearing things like this.
So the Roanoke Times decides to do this really well done series on being gay in Roanoke (this one alone is really sweet), and over 350 subscribers object hugely to it and make a big stink *sigh*. Doesn't make the town sound like much of a "haven for gays" after all, and makes this story hit harder.
And this well written work on the subject fits right in. (Amusingly enough, there's also an attempt at a musical...)

Friday, February 9, 2001
Yet another grammar Nazi hits the web

Friday, February 9, 2001
A ne kind of protest
A literary minded fello calls for other similarly minded folks to avoid using a certain letter of the alphabet in their riting.

Friday, February 9, 2001
The most ludicrous attempted suicide story I've ever heard
The author and her friend decide to off themselves by sticking their heads in the oven. But they can't do it at home 'cause they'll get everyone busted, so they ask another guy, Carl, if they can use his apartment to kill themselves. Carl, Mr. Macho, agrees to it. However, they keep interrupting the oven-head time to take numerous cigarrete breaks. Carl returns and decides to off himself too, and in the meantime the friend goes to call the suicide hotline for tips. Obviously they um, don't give him any. Carl picks out a Shirley Temple outfit to die in, at which point the author decides she can't kill herself now because she has to tell all her friends about this outfit. Then the police arrive...

Friday, February 9, 2001
Jessica Biel gets a clue.
Not that I'd ever watch this show, but remember last year when she was bitching about how wholesome she looked, and how she wanted to be a sex kitten and get the hell off that show, the teenage version of David Caruso? In this article, she does a total 180.

Friday, February 9, 2001
Slashdot Story Generator
This is just GREAT.

Friday, February 9, 2001
We're becoming computer servers
"The key to winning in business today is adapt or die, get wired or get killed, work 24 hours a day from everywhere or be left behind.
I am struck at how many people call my office, ask if I'm in and, if I'm not, immediately ask to be connected to my mobile phone or pager. (I carry neither.) You're never out anymore. The assumption now is that you're always in. Out is over. Now you are always in. And when you are always in you are always on. And when you are always on, what are you most like? A computer server."

Friday, February 9, 2001
Abortion Opinions
Very eloquent responses on the subject.

Friday, February 9, 2001
Social Heuristics
Designed for those with no social knowledge. Note that many of the links included in this are links to Onion articles, which makes it even funnier.

Friday, February 9, 2001
No drawing on the tickets!
"A Portales municipal judge has been reprimanded by the New Mexico Supreme Court for allowing police officers to describe drivers' attitudes by drawing either a smiley face or a frowny face on their traffic tickets.
No allegation was made that Municipal Judge Frederick Arnold gave stiffer penalties to defendants who were depicted with frowns or that he gave breaks to defendants whose frowns were turned upside down. In fact, he ordered fines slightly more often for tickets marked with smiles and dismissed slightly more tickets marked with frowns.
But the state's Judicial Standards Commission and the Supreme Court agreed that allowing officers to draw the faces on the judge's copy of traffic tickets amounted to a one-sided communication between the officers and the judge — something that is not allowed under the law.
Portales Police Capt. Lonnie Berry said the practice involved only a few, mostly younger officers, and began several years ago before Arnold was appointed judge.
The officers drew the faces only on the copy of the ticket that went to the court and did it to let the judge know whether the driver had been cooperative or belligerent during the traffic stop, Berry said."

Friday, February 9, 2001
It's a sin to not look purty
Plastic takes a look at the idjits bitching about how frumpy Hillary's gotten lately. Notice that you can't ever NOT look totally hot and purtied up in this world if you're a girl, whereas every ugly-ass rich white guy is left alone if he's looking a little scruffy? What, can't she be too busy with her new job to get her nails done? Is her thinking completely invalid because she's not looking totally polished and inflata-haired? And does she have to make herself look totally perfect so there's one less thing (out of the many) to hate her for? Oy.

Friday, February 9, 2001
I so want these T-shirts.
Every night this girl is home alone, she makes a funky T-shirt. “No two T-shirts are the same, like no two dateless evenings are the same,” she says of the line of shirts she’s dubbed “Dateless.” I'm inspired to make my own, except I spend those nights doing other sewing homework.

Friday, February 9, 2001
The Easter Egg Archive
I think this one may be my personal favorite.

Friday, February 9, 2001
Bumper Stickers
Just in case you haven't heard of any of these before.

Friday, February 9, 2001
Star Wars Episode 2 Plot
Read if you dare...muahahahah!

Friday, February 9, 2001
All about the Tecumseh curse...
and that whole "presidential death" thing.

Friday, February 9, 2001
"Your life is so totally perverted, but you seem so wholesome."
Yet another link to a polyamory story. What a quote.

Friday, February 9, 2001
Bad Boy NBA All-Stars
You knew it was inevitable.