Saturday, January 20, 2001
Mad Monarchs Series
The nuttiest folks ever put in charge of tons of people. At least we get rid of people every 4-8 years. Imagine being stuck with these guys...

Saturday, January 20, 2001
War is not the answer
While ostensibly about MLK Jr. Day, this delves into violence against women, particularly how women are pretty much stuck with fearing, expecting, and being unable to do much about it.

" But, speaking as a woman, I have a complicated relationship with acts of aggression. As a woman, I necessarily have to fear acts of aggression, because, as Xeney of Bad Hair Days put it so aptly in a recent entry, "when a woman walks the street at night, she's carrying her most valuable asset with her, the one that everyone wants to steal, like a guy leaving the house with one leg in a cast and a VCR tucked under his arm." And that simple fact -- that, at night, in the city, walking alone, I become the sum of my parts, in particular the part between my legs and the parts in the bra -- makes me incredibly angry. The fact that I can't go where I like enrages me. Xeney also talked about the comments that get made to women, and the fact that, most times, we just have to swallow them, because there's more than one man there, or because there's nobody else around at all, and if I wheeled around and told the guy to cram it and he didn't take it well and came after me and I screamed, I'd just scream for screaming's sake and nobody would come to help me, and that goes back to the fact that I'd have to scream for help in the first place, which pisses me off -- I just want to walk home, for god's sake. I would prefer to not have to call a man to my rescue. It comes down to the fact that a man can call me "tasty" and talk about my ass for everyone else on the sidewalk to hear -- that he can. That he's not afraid. That he can croon, "Hey, baby -- hey, Stretch, over here, want to sit with me awhile," and then, when I don't respond, that he can kick it up a notch and call me a dyke and call my mother a whore, and I'd like to spin around and grab him by the earlobe and hiss into his face, "Don't FUCKING talk about my mother," and then rip his earlobe clean off his head and throw it into the gutter and make him beg to keep the other one, but I can't, because he could beat me down, and that's why he says that shit in the first place, to remind me of my "place," and that just makes me even angrier.

Good girls do not daydream about planting a size-nine go-go boot in a man's solar plexus, but good girls get raped and beaten up all the time. So do bad girls. It just isn't fair."

And then there's Painfully Aware: "I read the other day that the number one crime, worldwide, was violence against woman. Number One. And that didn't surprise me. Or even upset me that much. It just seemed like another obvious statistic, like the number one TV show or the top grossing movie of all time.

But it crawled into my head, and stuck there, and the more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I wasn't more upset about it. I can't think of a single woman I know who hasn't been a victim of some sort of sexual assault. I've been a victim of sexual assault. But unlike other sucky things women go through, like PMS or bra shopping, this was something that was being done to us. And it was something I had accepted.

If I've accepted it, after everything I've seen, you can bet that what few women who have been unaffected by it are totally resigned to it. And men? Most men can go their entire lives without worrying what to do if their date gets too aggressive. Without worrying about walking alone after dark. Without ever once contemplating a self-defense class. You can bet most men aren't thinking about violence against women. Why should they?"

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Reality shows and those doggone people on 'em
Somehow I am infintely amused by "The Mole" and "Temptation Island" (utter stupidity is great to make fun of), so I'll be putting up silly stuff like this periodically. The above link refers to the various er, revelations about the people on these shows (so much for investigation).

The Mole: First, ya gotta read the summaries done on Mighty Big TV, which, as always, are hilarious. Then here's some comments on the stupider parts of the show:
" Starting with skydiving in the Mojave Desert may provide an interesting visual for a couple of minutes, but how is that going to help anybody pick out the mole?
Then it was on to Paris and other parts of France, where the first task –no kidding – was to get home by midnight. Then half the group got to repack the bags of the other half. Yippee!
Slowly we learn that the people of France aren't very friendly to American tourists. What a revelation. Next week's second episode is no less boring or contrived. For $20,000, which watch is the real Cartier? Who cares?"
"Certain challenges have a degree of suspense, while others -- like tonight's quest to figure out which of two designer watches is the fake -- are simply snoozes; some of them are surprisingly noncinematic. Why, for example, they had to go to France to search for an ATM machine is beyond me. The world-travel aspect of the show is extraneous and detracts from the show's central concept."
"Even though the dollar amounts remain abstract, the contestants remain greedy. On the premiere, all 10 were flown to Paris and given a choice: Return as a group to their hotel by an early curfew, or forfeit $10,000. Only one contestant, Manuel, was sensible enough to suggest they forget the money and enjoy an evening on the town.
He not only was overruled; at the end of the show, he was eliminated and sent packing. The others, though, retain their memories: They'll never have Paris."
I so agreed with Manuel: Come on, nine of you are never, ever going to lay hands on this mythical money pot, why not go out and have fun? Sheesh!

And then there's this bizarre recap, which I'm posting because whoever wrote it agrees with me on who the Mole is, and for what reason. Temptation Island: After reading the MBTV recaps, Salon's are pretty funny too (though their Mole recaps just don't impress me). Then there's the competition for the most annoying couple (guess who won? ;). And you gotta put up the Survivor preview, featuring supposedly much more buffed "model-actress"-y sorts (who don't look that great in these photos for the most part). Apparently the cast perenially (a) referred to Survivor 1 a lot and (b) played up to the cameras, both of which they got reprimanded for. Burnett also blows a gasket at one point when the teams, left relatively "alone" start introducing themselves. He starts yelling to separate the fuckers, they're supposed to be sworn enemies. Oh, come on, you're gonna make half the cast live with their sworn enemies in a few episodes anyway... Here's another stupid one: Tribal Council is set so far away the cast has to be driven over there, THEN they have to walk for an hour to reach their destination. What the hell?

"We need to allow the personalities to meld as organically as possible without our interference," he whispers, as a nine person crew jabs lenses and sound booms in the Survivors's faces."

There's also Tim the Yowie Man, the Aussie spy guy who's picked up dish on Survivor 2 along the lines of it took three days to rehearse for filming a boomerang challenge. And speaking of spoilers, here's some of the first challenges revealed (the first one, Oh. My. God.).

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Baby Name Generator
Absolutely perfect place to make up science fiction/fantasy character names.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
How to be a movie critic
This is hilarious. Given that on IRC today they were once again arguing how majors like English and human development are utterly useless and only serve to train fast-food workers (man, I'm so sick of hearing that, even if it's true) and the only useful jobs involve science and computers, combined with the links I just put up below on multiple intelligences, gives an extra punch to lines like these:

"At school, fail utterly at anything not requiring the generous use of adjectives. Thus, forget math, science and such. If it can't be improved by the use of the word "mesmerizingly," it's not worth knowing."
"Have no professional alternatives. This is important. It is imperative that you have no choice in life but to review movies, lest you be distracted by some more reasonable and practical means of making a living. It will also ease your mind during those years of unemployment."

Saturday, January 20, 2001
How to help a person use a computer
Okay, so this link might sound simple, dull and stupid, but frankly, the man's got a point. Speaking as someone who likes computers, but seriously does not get how the hell the little boogers work (the "magic fairies live inside" theory sometimes makes more sense than the genuine explanations), I get damn pissed when people start griping at me for not understanding and saying "You're smart, you should know this. Stop faking that you're stupid." My response to that is for them to check out this site. Some of us have logical/mathematical intelligence ("Before the advent of MI theory, logical-mathematical intelligence was considered the archetypal intelligence, the "raw intellect" on which Western culture has placed a high premium."), and some of us have other skills that we might be be better at.

If you are a computer knowledgable person who has to work with us "Computers for Dummies" folks, I beg you to read this and keep these guidelines in mind for the future. It'll be a much more pleasant experience for all if you do.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Pooh-Piglet Psychometric Profiler
I came out more like Tigger. Who knew?

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Myst 3 Preview
As usual, I'm impressed by the visuals.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Are You A Bastard?
The button below doesn't work for crap, but go ahead, what the hell.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
The mistake of the Triwizard Tournament
The second letter here makes the point of "Why did they bother doing the Triwizard Tournament thing in Harry Potter 4?" While I agree with her points, the real reason is simply because all of the books have the main action happen at the end of the school term, I think.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
StorTrooper Dance
Awwww...they're so cute!

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Fling the Cow
You can figure it out for yourself.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Look! They got a kook on Millionaire!
The tale of SF hippie Stan Flouride's term in the hot seat and how he became Regis's beloved. "His show doesn't get many multipierced, tattooed contestants sporting red, white, and blue hair and wearing the charm beads of a Wiccan wizard around their necks. Indeed, Millionaire has become the "pasty, middle-aged, white guy show," as Flouride calls it, referring to the continuous stream of contestants who are seemingly cut from the same mold."

"But tell me, what are you going to do with your money?"
"Stop being a weirdo freak, and just be eccentric."
Philbin went on to the next question, smiling tentatively. "He missed my point," Flouride says. "If you are poor and different, you are a freak. But if you are rich, you are eccentric. Regis is a really nice guy who's having a good time and loves what he's doing, but he's a lot less clever than you want to believe he is." (Duh!)

"All day, the staff kept looking at me, saying, "Oh, I hope you get on,'" Flouride says. "I know I'm a charming and personable person, but that means shit in TV. Having a freak up there is in their own self-interest. I understand what the game is: for me to be a freak. And I didn't mind, because there was enough money involved to make it worthwhile."

Saturday, January 20, 2001
TV's most ruined, wasted and useless
When good characters go bad. Then there's this one on how to badly act while raking in the bucks.

Saturday, January 20, 2001
Will You Marry Me?
"Secondly, all the men said yes after they listened to their brides-to-be plead their cases. How were the women supposed to take the answers seriously? I doubt that any person, on national TV, would want to look like a completely jackass by saying no to a weepy woman in a white dress." Then again, maybe these chicks really want a wedding instead of a marriage?

Then there's the weirdness of The Sims: "There are prefab Sims that you have to interact with. They are your neighbors and it's your goal to befriend them. Failing to make friend means you probably won't get anyone to fall in love with you. If you don't make a lot of other Sims fall in love with you, your Sim will get depressed and stay broke (getting married increases your assets)." Niiiiiice.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Mom prosecuted for giving 15-year-old condoms.
Oh, come on. Sure, she doesn't sound like the brighest bulb on the tree, but what's she supposed to do, lock the kid up 24/7? Who the hell would call the police or social services to say "Make my kid stop having sex?" Wouldn't they laugh their asses off?

Friday, January 19, 2001
Kathie Lee gets pissy.
What's with the weird cancer remark? And "excruciatingly joyful?"

Friday, January 19, 2001
Science books filled with 500 pages of stupid mistakes
And Linda Ronstadt is a silicon crystal.

Friday, January 19, 2001
It's not cool to work fast food
Not that that was a surprise to most of us, given that we all know it's really grotty work.

Friday, January 19, 2001
The hell that is looking young
I so relate.

Friday, January 19, 2001
The Season of the Witch
What Wicca's really like.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Linda Tripp gets fired
Woo hoo!

Friday, January 19, 2001
Nuclear Power!
Pick a location and nuke it, baby. Here's some people's experiences...

Friday, January 19, 2001
This is where Friends gets weird...
How bizarre.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Making gay life into a non-issue
What it's like to be a gay politician.

And on a similar note, I was reading this discussion on gay marriage and this bit hit me: "But the government's not comfortable with it because so many people aren't comfortable with it. You don't have to look far. I plugged "fag hating" and "gay hating" into a search engine for this, and I found over 200,000 page matches in the .2 seconds that it searched. Running a search for "gay rights", I came up with half that number. Coincidence? Somehow, I doubt it. There are too many people who are so against anything different from them. Look at the Christian Coalition. Look at godhatesfags.com. Look at a million other sites that you could go to and read about how the "evil fags" are "corrupting your children, and recruiting them for their ranks." ((Direct quote from godhatesfags.)) Do you blame the canidates for not taking a stronger stand? Because as much as I'd like to, I can't. Because really, no matter how a candidate feels, how much can they say before they lost so much support that they may as well not be there?"

Friday, January 19, 2001
Bush or Chimp
I wasn't going to comment on the Bush-as-other-species resemblance until my boss, after seeing that we'd put a photo similar to this on the cover, started exclaiming loudly at the total chimp resemblance. The editor who picked out the photo we ran (actually, we ran the same scene, but a bit from Ricky's side) said "I tried to pick out the least chimplike photo." And then, there's this article.

Anyway, here's to living in a declining society!

And also, why Conan will miss our cartoon president.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Regular Guy as food critic
Sample quote: "But the most fun character is Platt himself. At Le Périgord, he was banished to Siberia for wearing a tie; when he wore one on a subsequent visit, he walked out, looked down and realized he'd dragged it through his "floating island" dessert."

Friday, January 19, 2001
Loosening Lips
How to get reluctant sources to talk, from one of the best.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Eat My Words
The game of stupid celebrity quotes. Frighteningly, I bought Vanity Fair a few days ago for class and managed to ID 2/5 of the quotes.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Attack of the Killer Tampon
"A retired South African anesthesiologist has developed a "killer tampon" designed to slice off the tip of a rapist's penis. The device is described by its inventor as "a hard, cylindrical plastic core that contains a spring blade which slices when pressed against (unidentifiable word?) but the plastic core is covered by a soft material, making it that much more pleasant to wear a switchblade in your cooch." Beats the "dentata" sleeping potion needle thing in Snow Crash, but yeah, icky imagery... And speaking of tampons, some people opt to get rid of their periods altogether. And many doctors are agreeing with it.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Measuring penises by cell phone length
Who the hell came up with THAT?!

Friday, January 19, 2001
A student can survive on anything...
The disgusting things we'll eat when we just don't go to the grocery store...frighteningly, I've become these chicks.

Friday, January 19, 2001
More on the six more weeks of school controversy
The above writer makes good points.

Friday, January 19, 2001
Beer is not an alcoholic beverage...
in Russia. Yet half of the men who die in Russia are drunk. Um, yeah...