That's all for now! ^.^

entry forty one, an update( for lack of something else to say)
Tuesday, September 10, 2002 11:07 p.m.
Hiya! Yesh the updates to my blog are gonna get to be spaced pretty far apart, well atleast for the next couple of months. N-E-Ways... I'm feeling better... that just means that all the damn meds are doing what they are supposed to be doing. ^.^;
I feel better about who i am these days, but yet i don't... I have a guy that i chat with online almost everynight if possible that really likes me, he thinks that I am cute, but yet I don't feel all that good about it because I have friends that tease me about him or say stuff like "poor guy" and that just makes me feel like I am not worth a guy liking me, I know that I should just ignore them, but they are some of my good friends and I can't ignore it. So if I'm overreacting, oh well it's me, so just deal with it. I know that I'm not as pretty, smart, cute or skinny as some or most of my friends, so I just deal with it. well I better shut up now, before that really good mood that I am in from talking to my friend that likes me tonight, goes away.
~J-chan

entry forty.... well here's an update ^.^;
Sunday, September 8, 2002 10:21 p.m.
Well I thought that I would let all of my friends know, that if i don't get remarkably better by morning,then I'm not gonna be at school tomorrow... I have been running a fever since yesterday.... (100.2 and higher)so yeah you have been fairly warned... it is strep throat...among other things.... so don't worry about me I should be fine... and should I get worse, then I will let you all know.
That's all.
~J-chan

entry thirty nine, um yeah...
Saturday, September 7, 2002 06:25 p.m.
Hiya! I'm back, the results are in for the play and well I made it...I got a chorus part, I should be happy that I made it in right? Well I'm not really that happy since I found out from the music director (she's my choir teacher) the day before the results were announced that I was part of chorus and that they would figure something out as far as the dance moves are concerned if there are any of the moves that I can't do because of my knee problem, and well now I'm thinking that maybe I should drop out and just help with stage makeup and costumes, that way they don't have to make a second set of moves just for me... I don't want to be a burden to them, just because I wanna be in the play, to be with some of my friends and to have fun... is that wrong to think this? I mean honestly is it wrong to not want to be the reason for the rehersals to longer than they need to. They last pretty long as it is... I'm not gonna be the one to blame when everyone doesn't get out of rehersal until like 9:00pm. No way. Well that's all I have to say on that. I would like to at this time let my friends know that I might be coming down with a cold or even the flu... there you have been warned and if I don't get better by tomorrow night I might not be in school on Monday.
:P
~J-chan

entry thirty eight, good news...college anyone?
Thursday, September 5, 2002 10:09 p.m.
Hiya!!!!! I just did something that I have been trying to do for the past few days... I just appiled to Carthage electronically. ^.^ I hope that I get accepted. ^.^ N-E-Ways on to other stuff... -crosses her fingers- I hope that I got a good part in the play that I tried out for.... though I highly doubt it ^.^; but as long as I made it in I'm happy. I got called something today that I rarely hear... I got called "sweetheart" by one of my guy friends ( I have like 5 total, 1 lives in another state now, 2 i see at school, but we aren't that close,1 that is older and has to work so that I don't get to see him that much...but that's what the internet is for ^.^ and one that I know from the internet, we have been chatting for a few years now.) The internet where the people that im me out of the blue are usually male... ^.^; n-e-ways now that I have ventured off topic... let me get back on track... my guy friend that called me that I rarely get to see him anymore... so it feels like we have been drifting apart...woah... back on track... n-e-ways he came up to me in the hallway today while I was waiting to go into my next class and we were talking and out of the blue he said " You are a sweetheart" and I kinda went speechless and didn't respond to that... but I guess it didn't matter since he had to go before he was late to class, so he gave me a hug, said "bye" and walked off to class. I haven't been called sweetheart by anyone other than my dad, so yeah... that and I'm soooo not used to getting complements from guys, so I don't really know what to say on that rare occasion that I do get one, and let me tell you it is really rare. Well I guess that is all except that I can't wait for october to come... for homecoming ^.^ well I guess that is all that I have to say.
~J-chan

entry thirty seven, hee hee hee
Wednesday, September 4, 2002 09:41 p.m.
Hiya! -turns into a "nakie chibi" and starts to dance the "chicken dance"- Weeeeeee! -turns back to normal- Ok now that I have that out of my system... as you can see I'm in a really good mood ^.^ I talked to Josh-kun tonight... and he told me something that made me really happy, but really guilty at the same time... He went to Mitsuwa today and got some food and if i had to guess maybe a manga or two, woah...off subject slightly ^.^; gomen...n-e-way while Josh-kun was at Mitsuwa he thought of me, nanna-chan, teffie-chan and kissy-chan and got each of us something sweet to eat (he's sooo sweet). When I talked to him online tonight after I got home from play auditions... he told me that he got us the stuff, but someone would have to come pick it up...I was sooo happy (I haven't had any mitsuwa candy in a long while) that he thought of me and got me something since i wasn't able to go because of school, but i also felt guilty because i don't have any way to pay him back for it.^.^; -sighs- I know... I'll get him a really good christmas present ^.~ that should be a start ^.^ well nuff bout that... I think that I will add another of my fave quotes or maybe two...
"A true friend is someone that reaches for your hand and touches your heart."
"To the world you maybe one person, but to one person you maybe the world."
"I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am with you."
That's all, no more.
~J-chan

entry thirty six, song to share ^.^
Hiya! I just thought that I would share this song with everyone, since it makes me feel sooo much better ^.^ You could say that I am a happy, calm, contented J-chan, no more sadness, well if I can help it. ^.^; since I just found out that my dad has to have a tube or some shit like that in his chest so that they can give him the antibiotic(sp?) that he needs to get better. Well enough about that... here's the song.

Acrobat
By: U2

Don't believe what you hear
Don't believe what you see
If you just close your eyes
You can feel the enemy
When I first met you girl
You had fire in your soul
What happened your face
Of melting in snow
Now it looks like this

And you can swallow
Or you can spit
You can throw it up
Or choke on it
And you can dream
So dream out loud
You know that your time is coming 'round
So don't let the bastards grind you down

No, nothing makes sense
Nothing seems to fit
I know you'd hit out
If you only knew who to hit
And I'd join the movement
If there was one I could believe in
Yeah I'd break bread and wine
If there was a church I could receive in
'cause I need it now

To take a cup
To fill it up
To drink it slow
I can't let you go
I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud
And don't let the bastards grind you down

Oh, it hurts baby
(What are we going to do now it's all been said)
(No new ideas in the house and every book has been read)

And I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud
And you can find
Your own way out
You can build
And I can will
And you can call
I can't wait until
You can stash
And you can seize
In dreams begin
Responsibilities
And I can love
And I can love
And I know that the tide is turning 'round
So don't let the bastards grind you down

There you have it. Have a nice day! ^.^
~J-chan

entry thirty five, isn't it ironic?
Tuesday, September 3, 2002 1:00 a.m.
It's amazing how many things that can be predicted months before they happen, then get put on the back burner and forgotten about until you find the prediction again... sadly my second attempt at a relationship was doomed even before it happened and I didn't realize it until last night..."you know that April usually brings with it spring showers -- but this time, it's bringing a totally smoochworthy cutie along for the ride.But beware, Aries! This cutie may look like the fun-lovin' type, but, much like an Easter egg, inside that colorful shell could be something truly slimy." -sighs- If I had only remembered that horoscope, then I wouldn't have taken a big risk and said yes, only to get my heart crushed a few months later... but oh well sometimes you have to make a few mistakes to be able to learn, to grow, and believe me that was one of my biggest mistakes recently, I only noticed it now because I have had enough time away from him to completely and totally get over him and get my life back on track. I think back now and realize how controlling my ex was... he would snoop and have to look at what files were on my computer, he just had to see what songs and movies I had downloaded, he kept trying to change things about me, like my religion, which isn't right. If you really honestly care about someone you will be able to see them for who they are and love everything about them and never want them to change, right? He would throw complements around, just so that he could get his way. Well I think I had better shut up before I really start to ramble... All that I have said I hope that it makes everyone think, and be careful, what may seem like it's a good thing, that you won't get hurt, isn't always what it is cracked up to be.
"WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON"
"Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful."
"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them."
"There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around."
Quotes to live by.
~J-chan

entry thirty four, feelings ^.^;
Monday, September 2, 2002 08:22 p.m.
Hey, have you ever had feelings for someone that you know that you shouldn't have, but you just can't help it? Ever wish that they would go away? Well I do... I have feelings for one of my guy friends, that I know that I shouldn't have, but I can't seem to help it and it seems that even though I keep willing them to go away, they just get stronger, and it's starting to distract me sometimes, because out of nowhere I will start to daydream, and everytime I daydream, I get this warm fuzzy feeling, that makes me feel happier, calm and contented. What can I do? I know in my heart that it won't go any farther than friendship, but the feelings are still there, and I'm starting to get frustrated(sp?). I know that I shouldn't have these feelings, and that I shouldn't go and put it all down on here, but so what this is my blog afterall, and I feel that I need to get that off of my chest and out of my mind into the open.
~J-chan

entry thirty three, busy, yet fun day ^.^;
Sunday, September 1, 2002 04:30 p.m.
Hiya! I had a fun day yesterday, eventhough I was soooooo busy and didn't get home for good until about 9:30 last night ^.^; First I woke up at about 9:30 am and had to go over to my aunts house for a little bit with my mom, i got back to myt house at about 11:00, got a call from my cousin Jessica saying that our plans of going to hawthorn mall were moved up a little bit and i had to be at her house at noon, as soon as I got off the phone with her I went and got ready to leave and then got over to her house at 12:05, we watched some anime music vids that she had found while we were waiting for her mom to finish getting ready, then we left at 1:00 and headed up there and the first stop was to barnes and noble where I got a book for school and a love hina graphic novel (#1), then on to suncoast where I got a cowboy bebop t-shirt(I had to have something other than DBZ and SM to wear ^.~)then we went to sam goody to see what anime they had, what they had was less then what suncoast had and not much cheeper, so after that we went to spencers to see what they had ^.~ I found some stuff that I want to get a couple of people for their birthdays, too bad I have to wait til January for one of them (1/30/03 to be exact)so after that we went looking for places that had yu-gi-oh cards for jess and found a place that had them for cheep, so being the nice girl i am bought her a pack with the last of the money that i had on me, then at about 5:15 we left heading back home...(i was $37.19 lighter)i got home at about 5:35 or so and had to grab a quick snack before heading off to help my friend rachel with her outfit changes, that she had to do for the pagent that she was in... the pagent lasted until about 8:30... then we packed up her stuff and headed to the icecream social that was after the pagent, then she dropped me off at home and told my mom how she did (she didn't even place this year...damn biased judges)then she went home so that she could get some rest and i went in and started recording the anime that was starting at 10:00 so that i could go chat with everyone and not miss anything. well that's how i spent my day yesterday... i am soooo tired and my feet are sore, but oh well i had fun so i can't complain.^.^ well that's all...I just hope that I do well at play tryouts on wed.
~J-chan

entry thirty two, character destiny?
Friday, August 30, 2002 12:10 p.m.
Hiya! I just thought that I would let everyone know that I have taken the "what Love Hina Character are you?" quiz... http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=tsubaba twice and have gotten Kaolla Su both times... is it destiny that I keep getting that character or what? Well who knows, but I thought that everyone should know that ^.^ oh and I gots a drawing from Teffie-chan a few minutes ago as we passed in the hall... I have to say that it is a nice pic, though I would rather not see a big boobed cheerleader.. to many bad thoughts of having to see a certain big breasted cheerleader in the pagent(sp?)tomorrow ^.^;;;;; well that's all I have to say right now.... ^.^
~J-chan

entry thirty one, being left out...
Thursday, August 29, 2002 10:11 p.m.
-sighs- why is it always that I always get left out of something, or someone goes behind my back when I have something planned to do something with someone else? I work hard to plan something fun to do on sunday, then everyone cancels... Josh-kun has a good reason since he has to work so I'm not mad at him about it... but to say that you can do anything on friday because it would be to short of a notice to ask, then to go and plan on doing something else with someone that also pulled out of going on sunday, that hurts. I hate being so damn gullable and nice that everyone wants to walk all over me and go behind my back to do something that they would rather do with someone else. I might as well just never say anything to anyone and stay in my house and not do anything fun, that way I don't get walked all over, by my friends. well that's all I have to say...
~J-chan

entry thirty, oh well ^.^;;;;;
Thursday, August 29, 2002 06:35 p.m.
well so much for the hope of doing something fun this weekend.... I talked to Josh-kun last night and he told me that he can't go on sunday,because he has to work, and when I told nanna-chan this when I got to school this morning she wasn't very happy and when we started thinking if we could reschedule it, to like saturday or so we found out that our schedules don't coenside(sp?) so we will have to try to work something out with Josh-kun for next weekend, I just hope that he doesn't have to work next weekend, so that we can have fun ^.^ I know that I have to get out of this house to do something fun soon or I think I just might go nuts ^.^;;;;;;;;;;;; and I don't wanna do that. Well that's all I have to say, I just hope that my friends are online tonight so that we can chat and atleast try to have some fun tonight. What little fun you can have chatting online, sorry but it doesn't even compare to hanging out with everybody face to face ^.^ ok well before I start to ramble I'm gonna shut up. ^.^;
~J-chan

entry twenty nine, ^.^
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 06:41 p.m.
-sighs- Well it's that time of year again... the time when I get really busy with a lot of extracurricular activities and don't get to see my friends much unless they are in the same activities ^.^; Which is a pain in the ass because there are some of my friends that I won't see all that much for the next 3 1/2 months, because my nights will be full of rehersals and days are school and rehersals, the only free time that I should have would be the weekends, but those are filled up with homework. -grumbles- I hate homework, but its something that I have to do, or well I can't graduate from this hell hole that they call high school..-sighs- the redeeming value of this week that is filled with homework and workshops for the play would be the hope that I will be able to do something fun with my friends on sunday night, since we don't have school on Monday. ^.^ n-e-ways the funny song that I love at the moment is "All the small things" by Blink 182 n-e-ways with that I will stop boring everyone with my problems. ^.^;
~J-chan

entry twenty eight, song to share ^.~
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 07:15 p.m.
Hi Y'all, first I would like to say gomen to my friends for not being in class today (i was/still am under the weather). Now for the song that I would like to share,it has become one of my favorites, and I would like to say thank you to Nanna-chan for telling me about it ^.^ Here it is...
I'll Stand By You
By:The Pretenders

Oh
Why you look so sad
tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me, now
Don't
Be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side, too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So, if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now

Hey
What you got to hide
I get angry too,
Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And
When the night falls on you baby
You're feelin' all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

That's it there is no more...one parting comment and then a quote...I think school sucks! ^.~ now for the quote "Live life while you can, it only comes around once!"thanx to Josh-kun for the quote, I think I will follow that one ^.~ well that's all folks
-J-chan

entry twenty seven, rules to live by ^.~
Monday, August 26, 2002 07:48 p.m.
"Ok, class... quiet down... let's listen now... SHUT THE FUCK UP! Ok now, that I have your attention... Here are some of the rules one must follow in order to lead a happy life (well, at least they work for me): 1. Don't give a fuck about what other people (especially strangers or "adults") think about you. 2. Don't feel bad about having faults, and about your friends "putting up" with them. Everyone has faults and friends are the people who are able to see passed(? am I using good grammar?) the imperfections... ok this is pissing me off."
Hi Y'all! Ok after reading Teffie-chan's blog and Kissy-chan's deadjournal, I would have to agree with what "rules" Kissy-chan put in her journal about living a happy life (see above), she is right in all respects you shouldn't care about what people think about you especially strangers and "adults", if you truly are a good person people can see that and those would be your friends, they love you/care about you because you are who you are and you brighten their day with your presence so they want you around. It has taken me a long time to realize that it is true, but thanks to the love and support of my friends, I now know that it is true, I just hope that they will still continue to be my friend on down the road. ^.^ Now for a song or three that I *love* "Where The Streets Have No Name" By U2, "Something More" by Train and "I'll Stand By You" by The pretenders. Thank you Nanna-chan and Josh-kun for telling me about those songs. ^.^ Well that's all I have to say before I start to ramble. ^.~
-J-chan

entry twenty six, song list update and stuff
Sunday, August 25, 2002 06:22 p.m.
Howdy Y'all! I'm gonna update the song list from entry twenty four first then update stuff that I have learned. ^.^ now for the song list...

1. Aerosmith ~ Dream On
2. Aerosmith ~ Last Child
3. Train ~ Meet Virginia
4. Love Hina ~ Opening
5. CCS ~ Catch You Catch Me
6. Train ~ Something More
7. The Pretenders ~ I'll Stand By You
8. U2 ~ Elevation
9. U2 ~ Where The Streets Have No Name
10. U2 ~ Walk On
11. Train ~ Drops Of Jupiter

That's the updated song list, thanks to Josh-Kun for mentioning the U2 stuff, I'm trying to download a cranberries song right now so as soon as that is done it will be added... it is Daffodil Lament so as soon as I can get it to download then it will be added asap. on to another topic... thanks to Josh-Kun for the advice from last night ^.^ and gomen to Sarah for not listening to her advice the first time, I'm trying to listen, but at times the advice just flows out of my head because of too much unneeded information floating around inside. SO sometimes you have to repeat it repeat it repeat it. There I have updated.
-J-chan
P.S. BS! SINEP! LOL ^.~

entry twenty five, my thoughts
Saturday, August 24, 2002 08:09 p.m.
Greetings all! I have just read teffie-chan's blog... teffie you don't have to change what you have become, your friends should love and accept what you are and what you could become. I accept you, no matter what I will always be your friend. I just wanna say that I wished that I had someone to tell me what mistakes I have made lately so that I could fix them and not make them again, but that is just wishful thinking I guess. Well that's all I wanted to say, I love all my friends, I would never do anything intentionally to lose them. there i'm done now.
-J-chan

entry twenty four, yay!
Saturday, August 24, 2002 05:00 p.m.
Howdy y'all! (Gah! I did it again, dang southern roots)I'm soooo darn hyper right now it isn't even funny... it's all natural too NO SUGAR ADDED! n-e-hoo I have been listening to songs that have been added by Kissy, that she and Josh-kun like or ones that Nanna suggested to me and I finally got them downloaded ^.^ my winamp playlist right now is as follows...

1.Aerosmith~Dream on
2.Aerosmith~Last Child
3.Train~Meet Virginia
4.Love Hina~opening theme
5.Lynyrd Skynyrd~Sweet Home Alabama
6.Train~Something More
7.The Pretenders~I'll stand by you

That's all the songs... I love them all! Thankies to all who told me about or put them on my puter ^.^ I was dancing to sweet home alabama earlier ^.^; maybe I shouldn't have any sugar if I'm this hyper on my own... Hey I'm finally back to my normal self, well almost, heck the last time that my friends saw me this happy was way back in November of last year, the only other time would have been the last sleepover when I was starting to feel better, finally starting to be my old self(yay!)now if I could only find someone that is free on the weekends to walk with me so that I can get some exercise and make my knee stronger, then when its better I will finally feel back to my normal self ^.^ -grins- well I'll let you go now...so I can go dance and goof off some more,oh I think I should delete the entries that are the most depressing and stop being so damn open with everyone and be the quiet one that does all the listening to everyones problems and never tells her own, the way that I used to be... what do ya all think? email me with your opinion ^.^
-J-chan

entry twenty three, reasons why
Friday, August 23, 2002 08:08 p.m.
I would like to let everyone know that has read my blog either today or yesterday the other reasons that made me be in a crabby mood yesterday(thats putting it mildly) My schedule was messed up beyond belief... I have been trying to fix it since yesterday... that is just one of the factors...second is the fact that yesterday would have been three months with my now ex (he broke up with me a day before two month anniversary) so I haven't gotten over him completely, but it doesn't help that he has become a complete opposite of everything that I like about him. With the reasons for my stress given, not to mention the ones that just being in school bring, I ask my friends this... when you see me all i ask is to give me a hug, that would make my day to know that I have friends that love and care about me, and it would take my mind off my troubles atleast for a little while. There I have said my peace and will let all how read this a break, before i start to ramble. ^.~ -J-chan

entry twenty two, Gah!
Thursday, August 22, 2002 06:32 p.m.
Gah! Stupid school started today... I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I feel like hitting something, but I have nothing to hit, I could always go out and hit a softball around, but its not much of a stress reliever if you have to go chase the ball everytime you hit it... Gah! I really gotta get out of the house more, but with school I can't really do much except on weekends -sighs- I hate this soooooo much, but there is nothing I can do about it... I just wanna leave that hell hole right now and NEVER come back. Matters didn't help when I got yelled at on the way home by my mom, I was in Dr. Budzik's office for about 20 minutes trying to fix my schedule, I had two classes that had to be changed, only one couldn't be changed because one that I wanted was offered the same period that one of my required courses, and the only way to fix that was to get a medical waver, so that I could be exempt from that class so that the other one that I need to get into a good school can be put in, well Dr. Budzik called my mama and told her what was going on, and then she called my Docs office and told them what was going on (my docs nurse to be exact) she told my mom that it was unethical to have been asked that, that the school should fix the problem(I think that is a load of bulls*it, well as far as the docs office is concerned) Then when I got home I had a disscussion with my mom and dad(which means I talk and they don't listen or yell at me)well as usual they didn't listen to what I was trying to explain... My mom even made a comment about me NOT being able to get into college, so why try, and she also said that I fucked up my life... yada yada yada...I'm so grumpy right now that I can't think straight right now, and I have homework to do ^.^; I wish I had the guts to kill myself, my mom wouldn't miss me, she's already said time and again that i'm a pain in the ass and that I wasn't planned, that she wanted a boy, but got me instead, she doesn't encourage me to work to improve the stuff that i'm good at, she even puts me down by saying negative things about my abilites, like I'm just some low level bitch that was never wanted or planned, my friends think that it is peachy keen living with my parents, that they are cool, well a life with no rules or responsiblities is not fun, i hate it infact, but what am I to do? NOTHING that's what except maybe work up the courage to put my miserable exsistance to an end, can't take the hate anymore. If you don't like what I have said then give me a call or just come over.
-J-chan

entry twenty one, sunrise
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
i had fun this morning with Josh-kun and Kissy-chan, it was about 5am and we were all still online chatting and goofing off, like we always do when I said that I really needed to get out of the house and then Josh-kun had the idea for us to go down to Waukeagan Harbor and sit on one of the piers and watch the sun rise, well we all thought that it was a good idea, so we got off our puters to go get dressed, and Josh-kun was to pick us up at about 5:30 so that we would have time to get down to the end of the pier to see the sun rise (^.^ it was soooo beautiful)at about 5:30 Josh-kun and Kissy-chan arrived at my house, then it was off to the harbor, to talk and joke, away from the icky puters and face to face ^.^ yay! The ride there was a pleasant one, i was sitting in the back and kissy sat up front with josh, kissy and josh did most of the talking, every now and then I would add something, but for the most part I was just content to listen and ocassionally daydream or think about all the stuff that I have going all in my life...anyways we get there and we get out and walk and talk, goofing off occasionally. finally we reached the end and we found a dry spot and sat and talked some more til the sun started to be visable above the horizon, then we were quite til it was up then we were goofing off Josh especially. ^.~ but that's josh for ya ^.^ after the sun was up we started back up the pier to his car, then on back to my house to drop me off then to drop kissy off then to go back to his house, thus concluding our trip. ^.^ bai!

entry twenty,The Fool
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 12:02 a.m.
-sighs- I feel like a fool right now... but there is nothing that I can do about it, here is a song that I have been playing ever since I downloaded it this afternoon.. Leann Womack's "The Fool"....
You don't know me but I know who you are Mind if I sit down Do I look familiar if I don't well I should I'm sure you've seen me around I know you've probably heard my name Though we've not been introduced I'm the fool in love with the fool Who's still in love with you If you've got a minute I'll buy you a drink I've got something to say It might sound crazy but last night in his sleep I heard him call out your name This ain't the first time he's done it before And it's hard to face the truth I'm the fool in love with the fool Who's still in love with you I know love is a fragile thing And I'm trying hard to make it last But it ain't easy holding on to my dream When he's holding on to the past Just one more thing before I go I'm not here to put you down You don't love him and that's a fact Girl I've seen you around But you hold his heart in the palm of your hand And it's breaking mine in two 'Cause I'm the fool in love with the fool Who's still in love with you I'm the fool in love with the fool Who's still in love with you well that's all for now...

entry nineteen, more quizes
Monday, August 19, 2002 05:20 p.m.

Take the test at the Faery Glade

What would your familiar be? find out at quizlets.tk!
by Krysten

Are you a freak? find out at quizlets.tk! by krysten


Are you evil? find out at quizlets.tk! by krysten

Take the Bear Quiz at quizlets.tk by Krysten
I'm a broccoli! I'm introverted but always try to be more outgoing. I'm sort of dim on the outside but inside I'm really a good person and always trying to fit in. Even though a lot of people don't like me, they really do learn to love me!

Take the Vegetable Quiz at quizlets.tk!
by Krysten!

I’m a penguin of the sub-artic type! I may have a funny head, but I’m a great bird! I love climbing rocks, that’s right, I climb rocks, and jump off them into the water! *splash* I’m not really globally threatened, but in some areas I am!
What penguin are you? find out at quizlets.tk! by Krysten!

BANANA!

Randomness prevails! What are you?
by krysten

I'm all about the Hottie You're a girl who knows what she wants, and sticks to it! You don't give up easily once you've targeted your man, because there just aren't very many like them around! Your stereotypical boy from any boy band would be the hottie, usually the lead singer. And your stereotypical boy band boy is? Find out at quizlets.tk! quiz by krysten

entry eighteen, being happy
Monday, August 19, 2002 08:19 a.m.
Hi, ok so I know that I haven't been a little ray of sunshine lately, but if you were going through what I have been lately, you wouldn't be a very happy person either, ok so here it goes... stuff that most of my friends may or may not know... 1. I have been worried that I could lose my mom to beast cancer since April of last year,two days after my 16th B-day to be exact. 2. Been in two not so good relationships in the past 10 months, with two not good endings. 3. Had problems w/ knee or surgery on it for the last 9 months. 4. Ex boyfriend has become the equivilent of a loonatic in the past month and a half. 5. Has feelings for someone that I shouldn't, past month, well less then. There you have it, if you had that much swimming around in your head + more would you be very happy and perky? Hmm... would you really?

entry seventeen, self sacrifice
Sunday, August 18, 2002 08:07 p.m.
Self sacrifice, thats what I'm doing right now.... doing what I think is best for two of my friends and putting my own feelings aside to put my whole heart into it, no matter what it will cost me... I will do whatever it takes to make them happy. There now i have said my peace, so there, anyone that wants to get mad and yell at me, go right ahead, I'm not listening anymore.

entry sixteen, more quizes (yay!)

The What Soda Are You Quiz By Vishal

Are you a Seme or Uke?

Your the briefs. You live to successful. You love to go out and have fun. Making each day counts as if it's your last

Which underwear are you?

Sarcastic FF X character selector

You are Duo Maxwell. You strive on kicking serious ass, anytime, anywhere. However, you aren't always out to kill, even though you consider yourself "God of Death (Shinigami)". You have a kind, warm heart and an open personality, you are always willing to lend a hand to a friend in need and try something new.

Which LOTR Character are you?
Quiz by blantoncirith

What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

Super Teen Extrodinaire
Take the Cartoon Hero Quiz?.

Are you seme or uke? Find out!


Find out what Harry Potter Character you are here!
Created by TheMast


Find your Role-Playing Stereotype at mutedfaith.com. [Angel.]


You are Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth
A strange and fun loving kid. You are an expert computer hacker and have all the really important, meaningful dialog in the series :).
Which Cowboy Bebop Character Are You?

Which Disney Princess are you?

Classy, sophisticated and can be slightly snobbish at times. You are the fifth finger and you have a passion for the finer things in life. You view the world and yourself in a higher light and appreciate the life of luxury (hey, who doesn't?)
Which finger are you?
Take the quiz to find out.

The cat in the background of Trigun.
Find out what secondary animated character you are.

entry fifteen, a roll in the hay.... well sort of...^.^
Saturday, August 17, 2002 10:02 a.m.
Hey y'all this is the Nymph here to recount the events of the night, the sleepover fun.... it all began when nanna-chan came over at 5pm, and we goofed off looking up stuff on the computer,then we got bored really quick so we decided to have a contest to see who could stuff the most mini pretzel sticks in our mouths( nanna-chan got 20, i got 25)all that happened while waiting til everyone arrived, we had a few hours to wait for teffie-chan to get there and even longer for kissy-chan and josh-kun to finally get here (^.^), but hey we couldn't complain, because we were having fun and being our special selves while we were waiting for teffie-chan to arrive... then when she finally arrived at 8:30pm, the specialness just got worse(^.^;), then we were goofing around still looking up stuff on the computer,such as taking quizes and stuff, waiting for the hopeful arrival of josh-kun(^.^)we waited and waited and finally teffie couldn't wait anymore so at 10:30pm or so she gave up and called josh-kun to see what was going on...he was with kissy-chan, and said that he would comeover in a little while and bring kissy-chan along for the fun. Then at about 11:15pm or so josh-kun and kissy-chan finally arrived (yay!) nanna-chan and teffie-chan had wanted to go outside and wait for them to arrive so we did and they were groping around in the grass when josh-kun drove up (^.~)then we all went inside to have some fun(^.^;;;;)we were goofing off in my computer room, josh-kun was flipping mini pretzel sticks off his shorts to see if he could catch them in his mouth, he couldn't get them to work so he resorted to using pieces of candy,which actually worked, when we decided to have a "tickle fight" the fight was between me, nanna-chan, josh-kun, and teffie-chan joined in every once in a while, the only one that never joined in on our specialness was kissy-chan(-pouts-)she was having fun watching us though...I think we kept up the tickle fight going for like 9 hours off and on, and we all got our fair share of getting slapped, or punched or kicked, or banged a body part off of an inanimate object during the fight, i know i have atleast one bruise.(^.^;, I think josh-kun got smacked in the nose once on accident. I think that we only stopped and rest like twice only because we were getting all hot and sweaty then we just relaxed on the bed when we were "resting" from the tickle fight, one time we were resting we ended up using josh-kun as a pillow, well atleast me and nanna-chan, one time I ended up pinned at the backside of the bed by josh-kun(not that I was complaining ^.~)and used is chest for a pillow, and had his arm laying against mine that was free and not under me, for some strange reason laying like that made me feel safe and secure and contented and well to put it bluntly I felt loved, the first time in a looooong time that i have felt like that, oh jeez look at me I'm getting off track (^.^;)n-e-ways we had a tickle fight going all night long (^.^)and it was very fun...I can't complain one bit about what happened last night except well that kissy-chan never joined in (-pouts-) oh well at about 6:30am we were so hyper that we ended up having a section of the tickle fight on the floor because we fell off of the bed, that half of the fight lasted for a half hour,to which i smacked my head on our sewing machine like 5 times, and it still hurts when I touch my head there...(Grrr...) then we got back on the bed to relax, which we did for like all of five minutes, in that time I painted josh-kun's toenails a pretty and very pale purple shade and he didn't seem to care, in fact he got a kick out of it(^.^), after his toes were dry,we continued the fight, only this time we were all under a big blanket, well me, nanna-chan, and josh-kun. We were like that for like ten minutes before kissy-chan said that she was ready to leave, so josh-kun stopped his shenanigans and got ready to leave, then at 7:30am they left, so that kissy could go home and josh-kun had to go home and get ready for work,and that is how that part of the sleepover ended, me and nanna-chan were still wired, but teffie-chan had deserted us awhile before josh-kun and kissy-chan had left to go to sleep off her hornyness (^.^;), so in doing so she missed the most um interesting parts of the night. (^.^;), me and nanna-chan were so wired that we just sat and talked about what had happened during the night, til we started to ramble, then at 10am nanna-chan left, and teffie-chan was still there and so we watched a movie and I ended up falling asleep for a couple of hours, then at 1:30pm teffie-chan woke me up and then she called her dad and he came and picked her up, and that concludes the night that we had a "roll in the hay". This is the nymph of the evening forest signing off... for now. ^.~ (p.s. there is more that will stay in my mind and not on here or on paper ^.~)

entry fourteen, not contemplating suicide anymore
Thursday, August 15, 2002 08:44 p.m.
I'm back! After much thought and talking to my friends, I'm better, the stress is still there and always will be, but it no longer burdens me, to the extent of hurting myself. I am learning to open up more, but things like that take time, and I'm gonna need alot of it, that and the loving support if my friends ^.^ I hope I can count on all of them to be there for me when I need them. Now on to better things... here are some quizes that I took today trying to feel better.

You are the cold, calm, and collected undisputed leader of Schwarz. You're an American and tend to be 20 flights of stairs ahead of the enemy. it's hard NOT to be ahead of everyone when you can see the immediate future. You dislike a lot, disagree a lot with the actions of your emotionally-driven, hotheaded, vengeful team mates. You're determined and will not let anything stand in your way of cleansing society, especially Weiß. The bad thing is? You are probably the biggest ass of the whole anime/manga. You don't care about anybody really, you basically use everyone to get to your goal, and the only reason why you are leader is because everyone's scared shitless of you. People either hate or love you...that is OKAY with you though, because you still get a few more fangirls than Farfarello & it's all due to the fact that you are one hot bastard.
What member of Schwarz are you?

What Gundam Wing Character Are you?
This was made by Dragon Embers

You're Duo Maxwell!

Find out Which Gundam Wing character you are.

Mmm, I am Lemon Flavoured. I am bitter and twisted. Expect from me acerbic humour and sharp commentary. While I may seem nasty at first, I'm actually quite good company if I like you, so long as you don't mind a bit of cutting to the chase. What Flavour Are You?

See which Pandora's Box character you are..

I took the What Mythological Creature Are you? test by !

Take the What Color Dragon Should You Ride? Quiz
Made By: myway and teza


Who's your DBZ guy?

Which Evangelion Child Are You?

Bye!

entry thirteen, contemplating suicide
Thursday, August 15, 2002 01:20 a.m.
Last Resort Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort, Suffocation no breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort Cut my life into pieces I've reached my last resort, Suffocation no breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding Do you even care if I die pleading Would it be wrong,would it be right If I took my life tonight, Chances are that I might Mudilation outta sight and I'm comtemplating suicide Chorus: 'Cause,I'm losing my sight,losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright,nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying I never realized I was spread too thin Till it was too late and I was empty within Hungry,feeding on my chaos and living in sin Downward spiral,where do I begin It all started when I lost my mother No love for myself and no love for another Searching to find a love upon a higher level Finding nothing but QUESTIONS AND DEVILS CHORUS I Can't go on living this way Repeat First Verse CHORUS
yes this is really how i feel, i doubt that anyone would miss me, i mean what do i have to live for anymore? I don't see anything, All I seem to do is to get yelled at all the time so why should I stay here? I don't see a reason,do you? I think I might just go find a rope and use it.... what do you think? J-chan says so long...

entry twelve (OMG 12)
Wednesday, August 14, 2002 08:55 p.m.
Hi y'all! My stress level has hit it's all time high... I don't know how much longer i can operate at this level where everytime i turn around more and more stress is being piled on.... and at any given moment i am likely to blow up, that can't be a good thing... can it? I don't feel like I am getting that much as far as support from the people I care about, I feel like they are just trying to get me to blow up and do something stupid... (not all of you are doing that but you know how you are)and I mean really stupid... ^.^; Well now for a wish to be made... I wish that I could find someone that will love me for who I am and hold me and tell me that everything will always turn out ok...that's all I really want now, to make my life start heading up hill and not downhill, like it has for a looooong time... ^.^ Well this is the Nypmph of the Evening Forest signing off now... ^.~

entry eleven (wow! 11)
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 06:25 a.m.
Hi y'all! Yes I am just a wee bit southern, but I will NOT tolerate ANY redneck jokes, got that? N-E-Ways moving on... I feel so depressed, I have in the past week had my heart ripped out and trampled on twice, been yelled at by a friend twice, and called a mean rude bitch, so all in all it has been a very fun week,NOT! Right now I feel about as attractive as the computer that I am typing on....Honto Gomen to all that I have hurt recently. This is the Nymph of the evening forest signing off... ^.^;

entry ten (10? woo hoo!)

You're Omi.

The "baby" of Weiß you tend to be a little moody, but despite all the shit that's constantly happening in your life what else can you be? And, despite all that, you're still a pretty all-around fun-loving guy. You still have a little more maturing to do, but you're every girls sweetheart. Sometimes you may rush out and do things without thinking, and also let your emotions get the better of you, but in the end...you'll do what's right. You enjoy the company of elder men.

Which member of Weiß are *you*? Take the quiz!

Quiz by Crazy Pocky.

You are Ward! You're a big loveable teddy bear, but if someone messes with you or someone you care about, they will know your wrath. You're a survivor in every sense of the word, and have the capacity to kick much ass. Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here!

Which female character from Final Fantasy 7,8,9 are you??

Go find out here! made by

Which Sailor Scout are you?

As the graphic says, you're sweet, hard-working, and loyal. You believe in justice and you're not afraid of sticking with something for a while. You're determined; once you set your mind to something you'll work as hard and long as you have to to achieve that goal. Get Sorted!

Take the "Which Anime pet are you?" test!


I'm Hello Kitty Flower Fairy!


You’re Mandy Moore! You’re very sweet and caring. You’re also kind of modest, and shy too. You’re not exactly at the top, but you’re not at the bottom either. Which is alright with you, because you’re not taking life’s gifts for granted. Aw, you’re just the perfect little girl! Polite, gentle, trusting, and have this sickeningly sweet aura that just makes you so darn lovable. But best beware, for your trusting nature can lead to pain as well.
What Kind of Pop Princess Are You? Quiz by Jonah


Which Final Fantasy Character Could YOU Be Having Sex With?
Find out now! Only from the Quiz Junkie
Which era in time are you?

Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the phoenix is a profound symbol of the circle of life. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 ears and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the phoenix has a beautiful melidous song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end. It is a symbol of the sun and immortality. The phoenix is a very worthwhile beast.
What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!

Intuition. Insight. Emotions. Feelings.
Take the quiz.


I'm Hyper-Cute!! made by Jen


apparenty i don't need one...^.^;

Geek!
Find out what anime girl you are.

what adjective are you?
quiz by maikamariel What'd you get?

Who's Your Inner Music Industry Diva? Find out @ She's Crafty

find your element at mutedfaith.com. <º>

You were a very normal student. Almost everyone liked you and you had good grades. Next year, you were probably going to become a prefect and then ultimately headboy/headgirl. You had lots of promise. However, one evening as you tucked yourself into bed, Voldemort appeared and killed you. Oh well. It happens to the best of us, doesn't it? Take the How would you die @ Hogwarts? test by Shaolin.

Who's Your Inner Buffy Bad-Girl? Find out @ She's Crafty

What kind of ANGEL are you?
Quiz made by Angela

Take the What Type of Friend are You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com. [Me.]
More quizes that I have taken to make me happy again!

entry nine (Oh Hell!)
Sunday, August 11, 2002 11:35 a.m.
-sighs- I'm back and having your heart trampled on really sucks... I wish that I didn't have to learn that feeling again, but last night I did... I finally got up the guts to follow my heart to ask Josh-kun a very importaint question...only to get my heart trampled on once again. So I have come to the conclusion, that I am ugly and that no guy would go out with me but out of sympathy, that's what I think that my last 2 relationship were about, sympathy of me being sick and a cripple, and it is not a far guess since, I haven't truely been healthy since about the age of 9, I don't think that many of my friends know this about me so I'm telling them all right now....I have Asthma, allergies to just about everything in nature, I'm Hypoglycemic, and I have a congenital knee problem and shoulder problem, so I AM NOT A HEALTHY GIRL! Now you all know my problems...I'm gonna leave you now, so long and mata-ne! Oh and Honto Gomen to Josh-kun. ^.^

entry eight (Hiya!)
Friday, August 9, 2002 03:28 p.m. Hiya! This is the Nymph again, I am here to say sorry to all who have had to put up with my moods lately, but thankfully you all understand what I am going through and love and support me. I also have to ask one thing of my friends is that I get a hug from them whenever they see me, that will help me emencely(sorry for the spelling)PLEASE!!!!!!!!! that is all that I ask of them. Well this is the Nymph of the evening forest signing off. ^.^;

entry seven (lyrics oh fun...)
Thursday, August 8, 2002 06:41 p.m.
Nymph here again... I have found lyrics that are also by Linkin Park that also express what I am going through right now...
Part Of Me
Part of me won't go away Everyday reminded how much I hate it Weighted against the consequences Can't live without it so it's senseless Wanna cut it out of my soul And just live with a gaping hole Take control of my life And wash out all the burnt taste I made the problems in the first place Hang my head low cause it's part of me Ya hardly see right next to the heart of me Heard of me the routine scar New cuts cover where the old ones are And now I'm sick of this I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grade on my sanity I'd rather not even be then the man that's staring in the mirror through me (Pre chorus) Cut myself free willingly Stop just what's killing me [4x] (Chorus) I feel it everyday I feel I'm in my way I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside Swallowing me Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it Once it's been dealt with you feel like you've been touched by something angelic And then melted down into a pool of peace Cease to be the animal you used to be Remove the broken parts you know were wrong And feel the calm when the problem's all gone And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you can't let be And memories of the last fight to free yourself Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well And now you know that you can choose to lose the part in your heart Where your insides bruise You can live if you're willing to Put a stop to just what's killing you [Pre chorus (4x)] [Chorus] Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams violently silently
There you have it... who so ever is gonna yell at me for the content that I have here go right ahead its called freedom of speech, so deal with it!

entry six (DAMN!)
Thursday, August 8, 2002 02:49 p.m.
Dammit I can't take all this stress anymore....one song brings to life the way that I feel and I have been listening to it ALL day...
One Step Closer I cannot take this anymore I'm saying everything I've said before All these words they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance Less I hear the less you'll say But you'll find that out anyway Just like before... Everything you say to me Takes me one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break I need a little room to breathe Cause I'm one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break I find the answers aren't so clear Wish I could find a way to disappear All these thoughts they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance Nothing seems to go away Over and over again
This is how I feel.... maybe i need help from my friends, but I am NOT getting it, and probably won't get it...oh well ~ the Nymph of the evening forest

entry five
Wednesday, August 7, 2002 05:29 p.m.
Hello this is the Nymph again... here to tell the tale of my day... Today I was able to go back out to Mitsuwa with Josh-kun and two of his cousins... then about 21/2 hours later we started heading back home...he dropped his cousins off first, then we headed to his house so that he could make me a copy of the last ShakkaZombie cd ^.^, then we made a quick stop at target before he dropped me off at home, where I was for all of 20 minutes before I headed to blitz-chan's house to help her with her music video that she is working on for FFVIII. ^.^; I was hoping that spending time with Josh-kun would help to lessen the crush that I have on him but that is NOT the case, I can't help but wonder why I can't seem to find someone that cares about me, that wants to love me. Okie Dokie now I'm rambling so I'll stop before someone tries to hurt me. ^.^

entry four
Wednesday, August 7, 2002 02:52 a.m.
Yeah it's me again...I am a night owl so to speak. ^.^ n-e-hoo...I can't wait til later today -looks at watch- um yeah... I get to go out with Josh-kun to Mitsuwa again! YAY! I had so much fun last time that we went, I just hope that we have as much today. Now for my ranting... I just can't help it I have a huge crush on Josh-kun, but I know that nothing other than being friends will come of this, so I should just "get over it" but I doubt that it will happen anytime soon :( so till then I will "wait and see what the next day brings" I just hope that the day is a good one, better then the night, I hope -crosses fingers-. I know that some people will not like the fact that I am "ranting" on here but to heck with them... it is MY blog after all! So poop on them. ^.^

entry three
Tuesday, August 6, 2002 04:11 p.m.
Today was an okie dokie day... I went shopping with Rachel-chan...I got some new shoes for school, and the latest issue of Animerica! ^.^ I can't wait til ACen next year.... I have to work on my cosplay outfit of Rinoa, but hey I have til may to get it done ^.^; school starts soon...:( dang it I don't want summer to end soooo soon.. I am also working on my web page with Anime Pics, and trying to find a guy to cosplay as spike from Cowboy Bebop for Josh-kun, and working on the chorography for the dance that we are gonna do at kareoke at ACen... me very busy now...soon to be even busier..:(,well that's all for now ^.^

entry two
Tuesday, August 6, 2002 01:39a.m.
I'm back! I had a really fun night,last night... I spent time with Kissy-chan and Josh-kun, we went and rode go-karts, my was the slowest of the three of us so they beat me completely..(evil mortals shall pay...)then we went back to Josh-kun's house and watched anime and played DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) then i came home...oh what fun...^.^

entry one
Monday, August 5, 2002 04:46 p.m.

This is my first entry and I'm starting it off with tests so Nya!

You are Tsukino Usagi

You are love food, boys, shopping, and hanging out with your friends. You tend to cry when things get too hard, and have trouble doing things right the first time. You probably need to study a little harder. Your faith in the basic goodness of all people keeps you on the right track, even when others don't see it.

Take the "What Magic Girl are you?" Quiz

	All the great heroes can fly. And thats what I am, a great hero. I am well rounded. I have a good sense of right and wrong. I seek to do the greatest good for the greatest number of people, but my friends always come first, especially if it's a romantic interest. Despite my amazing gifts, I prefer a quiet position away from the limelight, maybe among the clouds. What's your superpower?

So, which ferret-type do you think that you are? Click here
to find out!!

You are an angel.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox Present in many belief systems, most notably Christian and Judaic, angels are a race of beings who serve Deity. They have many callings and subcategories. In popular culture they are most renowned for their role as guardians and protectors of humanity.


Your magical style is Witch.
What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox


My second highest if you will


Take the What Kind of Chinese Food Are You? test!

what's your inner flower?
[c] s u g a r d e w

Last one...for now

	Tenderheart Bear You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!