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 The GrayFox's Den Rantings.... |
Sunday, August 3, 2003
01:33 a.m.
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*********************************** A Psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ******************************* All (almost) christians will know the shepherd's psalm. Some christians can recite the shepherd's psalm by hard. But how many of them really know the shepherd? Sunday, August 3, 2003 01:16 a.m. ___________________________________________
*********************************** A Psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ******************************* All (almost) christians will know the shepherd's psalm. Some christians can recite the shepherd's psalm by hard. But how many of them really know the shepherd? Sunday, August 3, 2003 01:08 a.m. ___________________________________________
The sharing session was really men to men. Everyone say their grievances and misunderstandings in the group. I'm really glad. It showed the progress of our group from where we started. Felt abit paiseh for using valion's home for so long...all the way till 1130pm! That has to be some record for our cell group..haha. Many things had happened, and how we react will bring us to a higher or lower level. As what I see, things were cleared up and there is a much greater level of understanding. We should grow more from here. :) I yearn for a family. My cell group is my family. Friday, August 1, 2003 11:04 p.m. ___________________________________________
My family is going through a hard financial crunch. Not much work is coming thru for my dad and I am still in my final year...taking up tuition crossed my mind alot of times in recent weeks, it's a delicate task of balancing my school work and tuition. Pretty sick of hearing ppl complaining abt the bad times. Selling the tickets has probably burned me out. I cannot imagine the number of people I approached. Really glad for my church frens and appreciated each of their help. I am going to participate in my 1st concert performance ever, so it does add quite abit of push that I currently need. Thursday, July 31, 2003 11:54 p.m. ___________________________________________
Not that I want to blow. I dun want to blow up at anyone. But really, I tried to control. In the end, it turned into a verbal free for all. Tired? Maybe. Fustrated. A little. Disappointed. Yup. Wednesday, July 30, 2003 11:09 p.m. ___________________________________________ To answer your question regarding my spiritual walk with God, I have to ask myself Matthew 5:1-3. "Am I poor in the Spirit right now?" To the truth honestly of my heart, yes I feel I am. I don't feel poor in the material sense, though my dad and I are feeling a great pinch coming up as I went back school already and my dad hasn't been working much the past few months. We are living off cheap and simple for now. But I feel poor. Maybe the selling of the orchestrate tickets has made me ponder alot of stuff. Whether are my efforts going to be worth it? Frens that I really wish I had spend more time with. Frens that I wonder why I even spend so much time with. And frens that I regretted not spending time with. So in actual sense, I am feeling a tussle within myself. That ig you minus everything that's around me, namely, my frens, I am feel poor. That's a stronghold if you like to call it. I prefer to call it my little hideout. Guess it comes from feeling so much for ppl around me. That things affecting my frens take so much effect on me, as if the problems are my own...ppl don't know the real extend of it. Perhaps, God is teaching me that the heart thats within me is given by Him, so that I can feel a part of what He feels. Maybe? I dun know. -Xiong Sunday, July 27, 2003 06:50 p.m. ___________________________________________
So there are about 30 students, and not surprisingly a HUGE number are from the NIE language or literature degree courses or NTU communication studies faculty. Felt quite out of place ah. So the lecturer/prof got us into a round circular sitting arrangement and asked us to intro ourselves and briefly say your reasons for coming. -gasp- Most of them actually described themselves as part-time/amateur writers (short stories) or poetry writers...meaning they all got experience lah. That they want to improve on their skills and appreciation and blah blah...really too nervous to listen. Come my turn, I just spew the truth. I am no writer. I am no poet. I dun read poetry. I dun write poetry. I dun know how to appreciate poems. -loud gasp from other students- Ok lah, maybe it's just me, but i thot i saw many eyes staring at me. :( Not too bad a first session, read through a few poems and discuss the emotions and flow and the use of words. Still, I got to submit a project for grading at the end of the course. A minimum of TEN individual poems, complied into a booklet with lengthy discussions of each of those poems. Plus a recital of a chosen poem. Ten. 10. My target. Wednesday, July 23, 2003 11:30 p.m. ___________________________________________
I can talk it out with you, though not that it's going to be fruitful or something. I explained my stand the last time, you simply shrug it off. So the ball is in your court. Wednesday, July 23, 2003 12:41 a.m. ___________________________________________
Two of them wanted to help me sell as much as possible by saying that they will try get their whole family to come. And Yn tried to ask all over his contacts to sell tickets on my behalf. I am so touched. Goes to show how supportive my church guys are. :D Got a little guilty, so confessed to a fren that we are having quite a hard time practicing and stuff... he just simply shrug it off and asked me not to worry as he wouldn't expect much from an 8 dollar concert and just concentrate on what I am doing now. Hahaha! Real buddy there. ^_^ Just gave me more drive to improve my playing and techniques so that I can help contribute as much as I can to the standard we so yearn to achieve. Monday, July 21, 2003 08:54 p.m. ___________________________________________
I was on my way back when I happened to see Daniel (Ah-Tan, my army bunkmate) at the CityHall Mrt station. Hehehe, seeing that we haven't meet each other up for so long, i went out with him to the esplanade and then dinner. Probably the most surprising thing that came up during our catch-up was him taking interest in Pipa. Wasted that he didn't really want to commit the $s to buy one pipa. Hehe, also took the chance to sell him a concert ticket. In the end, he allowed me to use his esplanade premium library card to borrow some erhu instructional VCDs. :D And there's this 10 VCD erhu solo songs instructional box that I am eyeing. Btw, there's no school today due to some school...blah...blah...event. And this coming wednesday is going to be another holiday for me. ^_^ Saturday, July 19, 2003 01:48 a.m. ___________________________________________
Yah, so now, I will be taking a "Poetry Workshop" Class every saturday morning. -Loud gasp from everyone- Maybe I know nothing about poetry writing or reading (Okay, I don't really know nothing lar. Read a few poems in secondary school and watched Dead Poets Society? Enuff right? Hahaha. :P ), but it should be something refreshing, I guess. To top it off, this module is non-examable! -More loud gasp from everyone- Hehehe. Don't envy me hor? So this engineer-in-the-making needs to learn poetry. Yah, I need help here. Serious help. Anyone with some poetry books to lend me? Or some tips or help books to recommend? Make me a Poet? ^_^ Wednesday, July 16, 2003 10:36 p.m. ___________________________________________
Love it esp when it rains in the evening or night. You can see the streaks of rain drops flying down through lights from lamp posts and car beams. You can see birds circling around in the rain (taking showers?), people dashing for cover, and all the folks cramping at bus stops. Once in a while, you see some guy trying to dash across a road using newspaper as cover. Obviously wouldn't work well ah. And I can stone by my window and get drifted away. YuZhongXing sure does help enhanced my appreciation for rain. Tuesday, July 15, 2003 11:56 p.m. ___________________________________________
Managed to dig out a whole chunk of books...ranging from aerial battle stories, navy warfare, D-day, infantry and tanks or what-have-you. And there is a whole section on the Holocaust, which till now, I feel is the worst side of mankind. Was reading this Cronicle that basically covers everything from 10 years before the first shot of WW2 was fired to the admin years after Japan surrendered. Pretty heavy reading. And yah, you will be stereotyping guys if you think these kind of war books are for ppl with testeorone only. Hehe. On the fun side, I got this little NASA secret-revealing book that practically answers all the questions that you want to know about the organisation and space travel. Tuesday, July 15, 2003 11:50 p.m. ___________________________________________
And they put me in the same band of students that practically did/learnt nothing during the stay. I know, I was there. A befitting welcome to the real world? Guess I got to learn that grades mean nothing (though I admit there are personal gratifications to fulfil). Monday, July 14, 2003 01:04 a.m. ___________________________________________
But I am used to such things already, I guess. The bad guy, the one that ppl want to point their fingers at. Not saying that i am not wrong. I am in the wrong. I admit it. I just hope that they themselves remember next time when they react in the same way, even subtly. Sunday, July 13, 2003 10:48 p.m. ___________________________________________
Bear in mind that I am changing my strings for the first time in 1 year (How do I call myself a musician if I dun know how to change strings?!?!). Anyway, the sounds were horrible. That's the tramautising part. I hope it's not my playing skills that resulted in that. Called Yunfeng for help and advice. In the end, it turned out that my experience is FULLY expected. Hahaha...just had to wait for the strings to vibrate more. **************************** Kenny gave me his set of "Band of Brothers" VCD. I can tell you, it's the must-watch, best war movie ever. Beats "saving private ryan" even. Every episode is a real account of the experiences faced by the men and soldiers from Easy Company during 2nd war world. They were paratroopers, meaning, they parachute out of planes into enemy lines. Kill or be killed. And in the beginning of every epsiode, there are interviews with veterans to relive their accounts on what really happened. The real horrors of war. Friday, July 11, 2003 11:45 p.m. ___________________________________________
Intensive Passion + Intricate Precision = Immaculate Art Remember that? Heh, guess I need to encourage myself to carry on and fulfill my dream. Where being good is simply not enough. That being great is all that counts. So it seems, with just slightly less than 1 month to go before the concert, I am 1) about to explode with excitment, 2) nervous that I may freeze up on stage. It does seem like yesterday when I held my first erhu. Yah, Shuinan was there at the NTU bus stop then when I pestered him (just got to know him for like 5 minutes only?) to show me some fingerings and music theory. Hahaha! I wonder if shuinan still remembers that. Speaking about him, I went out with him to buy YF's birthday present at Taka. In the end, we settled for a cologne set. Though it is a little bit above our budget, we decided it was the best deal for price and quality. Yah, and the gift comes wrapped up in a nice white HUGO Boss box. Hehe. Hope YF likes it. Hate to spend so much money on a gift that the receiver doesn't like. I had a bad experience before. Monday, July 7, 2003 06:07 p.m. ___________________________________________
Yah, back to the dinner. It was a treat from birthday boy, zhiqiang at Chomp Chomp. (wait a minute, aren't we suppose to treat the birthday-ppl instead of the other way round?) ^_^ We had 2 $5 hokkien mee (that took abt an hour to arrive), 60 sticks of satay, 1 Chay Kuey Tiao, 2 Carrot cake (black and white), a lot of chicken wings, 2 medium sized stingrays, 1 large kangkong. =D So going to get myself another yakult to drink. Friday, July 4, 2003 12:08 a.m. ___________________________________________
Anyway, I had a GREAT CO practice today. ^_^ Wow...this has got to be the best attendance for the concert practices-to-date and the souna, guzheng and cello players are not even here yet. So I am really looking forward to a full concert-strength practice. Thursday, July 3, 2003 12:27 a.m. ___________________________________________
Anyway, the rock wall was great. Oh yah, I manage to scale higher than I did the 1st time last week. Shuinan and I were both stuck at the same place and after watching a demo by one of the experienced climbers, we decided that we aren't that "geared" up for the summit yet. Got a bottle of moisturiser for my sun burns. They are starting to itch alot. Sure is irritating. =( Sunday, June 29, 2003 05:05 p.m. ___________________________________________
And best, we have this group of girls playing Zero-Point (the one with rubber bands tied together like a long rope in the middle of the beach, bouncing here and there..hahaha! Yah, lucky bastard me) ^_^ Anyway, this week has been an ultra packed week. Rock Climbing, Tennis, Gym and then this sentosa-beachvolleyball-frisbee-swimming-tanning trip. No wonder my body's aching like crazy. Yah, and next week I'm having a karaoke session, maybe canoeing, more rock climbing and maybe badminton. -CRY- ************************************ On a serious note, I am considering changing my erhu teacher. Okay, it's not that my teacher is lousy or wat. Just my aim to go to a better teacher whenever possible for the same fee. Wednesday, June 25, 2003 09:10 a.m. ___________________________________________
Sunday, June 22, 2003 12:27 a.m. ___________________________________________
Saturday, June 21, 2003 12:50 p.m. ___________________________________________
Saturday, June 21, 2003 03:31 a.m. ___________________________________________ 1) Having to go to a Pub/Restaurant (for a IA gathering cum farewell) that blasts stupid high-volume rock music while we are trying to have dinner. 2) And at the same time while having dinner, many skimpy dressed waitress moving around to lure my frens to drink(more). 3) Having to stay throughout the night at a ear deafening place, while enduring lame sexist jokes and games by a D.J. 4) Being one of the two most clear-minded ones and having to settle a $500 drinks bill becos the goons in my group can't control their drinking. 5) Having a tipsy girl in my group. 6) Having 1 slightly drunk guy. 7) Having two heavily drunk guy. 8) And the 2 heavily drunk guys are making a fool out of themselves. 9) Having to send the most heavily drunk guy home. 10) And lastly, enduring the stern stare of my drunken fren's dad as if I am the one responsible for his drunkeness. Wednesday, June 18, 2003 10:50 p.m. ___________________________________________
So I finally managed to drag my 2 buddies down to watch the movie with me. The show is that kind where it's best suit for families or couples, but well, can't ask too much, esp with my situation. =P Hehehe, not that I never tried asking someone else to watch with me..but..hahaha..nevermind. Monday, June 16, 2003 07:30 p.m. ___________________________________________
Not that I want to get involved. In honestly, I rather not. I am definately no love expert like what one of my fren (yah, she also broke up 2 weeks back with her 5 year boyfren and who also asked me for advice 2 weeks back) described me to be. Cos if I am one, I wouldn't have so much problems just getting the attention of one particular gal. (Hahaha, that would be another story =p ) On a serious note, I am pretty upset with my frens at the way they are handling things. How can you "nuclear-bomb" a guy suddenly just becos your feelings died? And I sort of also creamed another guy who happens to be a Christian too, but with a non-believer as his galfren. Busy, busy week... Tuesday, June 10, 2003 03:18 p.m. ___________________________________________
Frankly, I feel terribly ill-equiped to help them. The most I can do is to listen to their side of the story and hand out tissues. It's painful to watch them share their hearts out, esp. when I was there when they came together a few years back; Now I had to witness the dis-intergration and the washing down of all those years of efforts in the building of the relationship into a drain. Sometimes, things just don't work out the way we planned them to be. A lost spark, a 3rd party, comm breakdown, whatever... Someone told me recently that my work for the Lord is among the broken-hearted. Guess I got my work cut out here already. Help me minister to them, Lord. Sunday, June 8, 2003 12:41 a.m. ___________________________________________
In a few words to summarize what he said, Intensive Passion + Intricate Precision = Immaculate Art That our lives are to pursue EXCELLENCE. Not just 80% good, but to aim for greatness...for the greatest enemy of "Great" is "Good". That there's an overwhelming purpose in me right now to do my best and my utmost effort to reach greatness. That to express it with my soul, my heart. Maybe one area I can apply this is to music. With a deep passion and with persistent, hard training that will produce the intricate precision right now that I need, someday, what I play will be an ART. I aim to produce that ART with God's help, someday. Lord, help me. Saturday, June 7, 2003 12:11 a.m. ___________________________________________
The fact of the matter is, I can't deny or refute whatever they said at the private meeting just now. What was being said was true. Maybe I have been placing the wrong priorities. Maybe they didn't understand. Maybe I felt really alone. I do want to seek God's will in everything I do. And I want to see the will of God happening in the lives of my friends. At a lost at how to reach out to my friends, especially in CO. Let it be a known fact that I desire/plan to have every member in CO to at least hear the Gospel once. To hear about the price paid buy Jesus on the cross for them; To hear about the depth of love the Heavenly Father has for them; To hear that their lives can be redeem for something that is better, purposeful and God-filling. I cried maybe because I felt alone in my struggle to reach out to my friends. Maybe because of the deep passion in my heart to have them know the God that loved and whom we can love in return. There is an urgent sense of despair when I know that if their lives are snuffed out right now, they will be missing out great things for eternally, that the love of Jesus is that great. I will just keep trying, regardless of what people may think. God, here am I. Use me. This I pray. Wednesday, June 4, 2003 07:28 p.m. ___________________________________________
On the other hand, I am thinking hard if I have been too harsh towards a certain person. But seriously, it all boils down to a deep concern I have. Hmmm, what can I do to help another person..better? Sunday, June 1, 2003 11:52 p.m. ___________________________________________
Very good BH practice today. Enjoyed myself though was mentally drained at the end. Yah, first time I ever saw a whole group of female percussionists. Wonder if BH should aim for such a size as our core group. Numbers do make alot of difference. |