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 The GrayFox's Den Rantings.... |
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Friday, February 28, 2003
11:58 p.m.
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Anyway, the weekend's here. It has been quite a long week. Thursday, February 27, 2003 10:09 p.m. ___________________________________________
Enough of work. Went out with Jia, Yun, Ying and Ze for an evening of shopping for YY's upcoming 21st birthday gift at orchard. Maybe I have been standing for the whole day, that made my legs really sore and tired from the walking. Last day of the week coming up! And with YY's free tickets to a SCO concert, that's how I will end the working week tomorrow. :P Tuesday, February 25, 2003 07:27 p.m. ___________________________________________
It'ss been a week since I stepped into the production area during normal shifts, with all the midnight work I have been doing. Many operators recognise me from far, even with the suit and hood and mask and everything. They started waving and nodding and smiling (you can see from the eyes if you know someone is smiling). The more outspoken ones would say,"Hao2 Jiu3 Mei2 You3 Kan4 Dao4 Ni3 !!" I counted at least five. And quite a few were concern over my health and asked if I have been drinking lots of water or brewed any tonic drink to combat the "heaty-ness". That throughly made my day. It brings warmth to my heart that people do take notice. :) Monday, February 24, 2003 10:39 p.m. ___________________________________________
Anyway, I was the central theme of a really hilarious joke, but the hidden meaning of the joke is too crude to be written here. Let's just say I said something at the wrong place and at the wrong time, leading to an embarrassing situation for the other party, with no evil intention on my part. Well, we all need a really good, tummy cramping, laugh once in a while. :) Sunday, February 23, 2003 07:49 p.m. ___________________________________________
I should learn not to expect others to reciprocate as I pour my life into them. Maybe I am too trusting. But to tell the truth, I have walked down that path before. Closing up of myself. Living a hermit's life. Being angry at everyone else, and at everything, and for no apparent reasons... Have past that and no way I'm going back that road. I want to be involved in the lives of people close to me and I want them to do the same for me. Granted that that's not going to happen 100%. But the feeling now is that it's so futile at this moment. Words can cut and hurt. Esp. when I seemed to get misunderstood with what I am trying to say/do. Worst is when you don't know what's happening and seemly you are involved. I can just leave things as it is and stop whatever I am doing. Why expose myself continuously to things like that? Ok, everyone is entitled to their views of things, but does that mean my views deserve a comment every time? Sure that I had quite a "downhill rolling" week. My relationship with my dad and close friends was strained farther. My attachment work and my supervisor seem to occupy my mind most of the time. Somehow, a person's problem seems bad only to that person having it. Things that are so hard to comprehend at times, I should have stop trying so hard to make sense of it. I should have learned to let go. If I am not meant to be part of something, it could mean that the timing wasn't right or that it was never meant to be in the first place. Am I angry? No, I am not. Have learned that many things are beyond our control and everything is in God's hands. Saturday, February 22, 2003 11:55 p.m. ___________________________________________
Okay, many a times I had over-react and strains relationships with people around me. Still learning, still trying to accept people on who they are. Right now, all I can do is change myself and try mend all the hurts that was made by my insensitive statements to them. Change my heart O God. Friday, February 21, 2003 11:56 p.m. ___________________________________________
Went for a huge round of supper with the BH guys after the concert at a hawker near Bugis. An eating spree of fried wanton, oyster egg and chicken chop rice. :DDDD Hahahaha, aren't one fortunate to have a body that doesn't grow any fatter irregardless of what/how much you eat? Thursday, February 20, 2003 11:55 p.m. ___________________________________________
Enough of the midnight shift thing. I had great fun trying to brainstorm the poster of our august concert with the rest of the BH members at Mac's (where else). Went to the practice room with a weary and tired heart but came out rather rejuvanated. So glad to be involve in the orchestrate. :) Wednesday, February 19, 2003 07:27 p.m. ___________________________________________
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? Wednesday, February 19, 2003 07:13 p.m. ___________________________________________
Rushed back home as soon as I can to sleep and just woke up to a really aged face. And more news is that I may be asked to go back tonight. Now, I am not even thinking about calling my supervisor to ask. Haiz, friends aren't happy with me for working midnight shifts. One thinks that I am "spoilting the market" while the other thinks I have no guts to report them. Don't they realise this is the real working world? Tuesday, February 18, 2003 08:40 p.m. ___________________________________________
So now I just came out from the shower room and with less than 90 minutes remaining before I leave my house again, got to get the best out of it. Anyway, the most "happening" thing that occured to me was the terrible stomachache in the afternoon. Absolutely horrible. Thought my stomach blew a hole there. Haha. Must be the otah from my morning nasi lemak meal. :/ Monday, February 17, 2003 10:10 p.m. ___________________________________________
Didn't know he completed the Book of Matthew in the space of a few days and is now starting on Mark, all because I suggested that he should start reading them. I am truly amazed. Thank you, God. Monday, February 17, 2003 09:42 p.m. ___________________________________________
Anyway, he encouraged me to pursue my dream and asked about my goals and aims in life. Was quite caught off guard there, but it was great food for thought. Time that I start asking myself where I plan to be one, five, ten years down the road. Sunday, February 16, 2003 10:32 p.m. ___________________________________________
Guess the most memorable thing when I came out of the stadium is that our words have authority and power. What we say will come to pass by our spoken words alone. Quite frightening, esp. when I look back at my words that have been said the past week. So, shall take the extra effort to "vet" through my thoughts before speaking. Lunch was at this Taiwan porridge restaurant near the stadium with all of the DG guys. The food was not bad, though even with 5 bowls of porridge and 2 orders of side dishes, I still feel hungry. Yah, so it's another proof of my "bottomless pit". :P Oh yah, I promised to go through the "new believer's station" with Seb. Erhu lesson was fun today. Learned a new song and my teacher said that with my current progress, she can start giving me actual solo pieces to learn at a later stage after she deems I am ready for it. I have been learning the instrument for the past 1 year and today is another affirmation that I got to master my basics. Okay, sometimes practicing basic techniques can be quite a bore...but hey, if I want to learn it the proper and best way, it's the way to go. To my friend: Spoken words are powerful and they have authority over your mind. Let's work towards having a more positive mindset to things. Things wouldn't look so bad once you have that. Still praying for you. Hope you would pull yourself out your rough patch soon. God loves. Sunday, February 16, 2003 12:02 a.m. ___________________________________________
Not a bad game, quite a lot of cool stuff. So can expect myself to be busy playing it. Saturday, February 15, 2003 12:14 a.m. ___________________________________________
Friday, February 14, 2003 12:26 a.m. ___________________________________________
Okay, at least some things are made clear but I hope this email doesn’t create any tension or ill feelings between our bosses and IA students… Had a good evening with BH orchestrate. Learned a couple of new songs plus today’s attendance was fantastic. There were new comers and even an erhuist couple. Hahahaha. Yah, all xyz groups is pretty strong today. Never seen before. :P The finale of the night is the celebration of Sui’s birthday. Feeling really happy when Sui liked the watch I got for him on the behalf of the orchestrate. Initially, I was like worried that the watch may not suit him, but well, everyone seems to like it too, so :DDDD Praise God. Thank you God, for putting me in positions as a blessing to the people around me. Thursday, February 13, 2003 12:00 a.m. ___________________________________________
Met up with Dan, Ken and Lio for breakfast at MacDonald’s, near chomp chomp, which followed by 3 hours of ministry talk, ministry planning, more talk, then guy crap and stuff. Okay, so now I know that there many different approaches to eating the “Big Breakfast” meal set. Ken helped himself with tons of pepper on his scramble eggs while Lio sort of sprayed his hashbrown with salt. Yah, and after some disbelieving looks from Dan, Lio attempted to shake off some salt off by dropping it continuously onto his tray…thought that was really funny. The entire afternoon was spend by joining up with another group, Yao, Iv, Seb, Rob and YC at Bukit Timah SC…for…. you guess it, pool. 9 guys, 4 pool tables opened, 4 hours of backbreaking pool. Argh. Dinner was nice at a nearby hawker center, though I was silly enough to try queue up at this particular satay beehoon stall for about 15 minutes before realizing that the really long queue is not even moving. But because Ken and I didn’t want to go home, we thought of going for a movie at ToaPayoh. Okay, it was a mistake to drag my friend in for “ShangHai Knights” but it is still better than any james bond movies. Hahaha, sorry to you all james bond fans. Its not really that lousy, just that you have to get use to Jackie chan’s exaggerating stunts and bad acting. Anyway, I wanted a lighthearted movie to round up the day and I got it. Not complaining. ”) I am back home at 11pm; can literally drop onto my bed now, if not for my wet hair. Gggrrr. Tuesday, February 11, 2003 11:23 p.m. ___________________________________________
Results: You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right. You are feeling very disillusioned at this time and you feel that you are being left out of things. You know - or you think you know - what you want, but you seem unable to exert the effort to achieve your objectives. As a consequence, you are feeling left out and neglected. You would like to be afforded greater security and fewer problems. It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you ‘cold’, knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment; you seem to be just playing along. Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust. You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationality, since you realize that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be. You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination. Tuesday, February 11, 2003 10:31 p.m. ___________________________________________
There is this huge hole in the tumbler, which I doubt even a highly skilled repairman can patch it up. Guess I got to revert back to my army days of hand washing, hand drying, hands everything…
Work’s been busy, as usual. Wanted to watch Tuesday, February 11, 2003 12:00 a.m. ___________________________________________
After which we just walked to bishan from AMK, strolling, chatting and basically enjoying the peace and stillness (Which took more than 2 hours of slow walking). It really had a calming effect after a worrysome and hectic day. Hope there would be another chance of that. Monday, February 10, 2003 11:58 p.m. ___________________________________________
Okay, I got my point across though a hard manner. He's hurting now, but so am I. Sunday, February 9, 2003 02:07 p.m. ___________________________________________
Must be the fact that I am thinking too much before sleep... Anyway, I had a good the soccer match outing today. Final score was 2-2, a hard fought draw. Though I don't understand why they had to spoild the game by agreeing to penalty shootouts...which we lost obviously. Quite surprised that my stamina was still holding until the last minute...hahaha. Thought an "old man" like me would be near collapsing at half-time. :P Sunday, February 9, 2003 12:33 a.m. ___________________________________________
His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Once I thought that love was meant for
Something happened to my heart Friday, February 7, 2003 10:48 p.m. ___________________________________________
Still, I hope that whatever step I take, they are clear and reflects what should be done. Thursday, February 6, 2003 11:45 p.m. ___________________________________________
Thank you for the trust you have in me and for sharing. I may not understand a lot of what you are going through (in fact, I really don’t understand much), but I am here to give support in anyway I can. I will be right behind you, praying hard. I will continue until there’s a breakthrough. Believe in it. Wednesday, February 5, 2003 04:11 p.m. ___________________________________________
Remembered my parents too were quite involved in 4D. The chances of winning are so low that it’s simply not worth the “investment”. Yet, tell that to the aunties and uncles in the 4D booth queues and you most probably get kick out of the store. Even with chances that low, they all cling on to that hope, the hope of striking a jackpot just that one time. Maybe that’s why it kept them coming back. It only takes a minute to explain the “game” and a few minutes to teach someone how to fill up the betting slip and you can have him hooked for life, week in, and week out. Someone share with me a principle of life recently. And I find it true. "You don’t live to (have) hope. It’s because you have hope, that’s why you live." Wednesday, February 5, 2003 01:29 a.m. ___________________________________________
Quite a fruitful day if you believe that clearing out the library cupboards at BH is an achievement by itself. In the end, Mi and I had stacks of “unwanted” papers (read thrash) all piled up in one corner of a cupboard. Just knew today how tree-loving Mi can be (you got to see the way she defended storing a trunk load of unwanted scores). : ) Can learn a thing or two about being enviromentally friendly from her. Anyway, we still have tons of more work to do; the cataloguing, labeling and filing…all efforts being made to ensure that any scores we own are accessible easily and not “lost”. Most probably would take a day or two to sort them out, at best estimate. After all that clearing up, I had a crash course on scales by Mi. Didn't really seem as hard as I thought them to be. Hahahaha, but thanks to Mi for having patience with a lousy student like me. :p After that, went out with a few guy buddies for dinner and drinking. They ordered a jug of “long island” and a few mugs of beer for all of us. Still can’t figure out the obsessions alcoholics can have over drinking. Beer taste so good meh? Anyway, the night was spend away with dart games, snacks and plain talking.
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I know that my friends are having hard times, yet I felt so helpless. I really tried hard to be sincere and make myself available to them. But I recognize that at the present moment, I can only wait. Waiting for them to reply; waiting for them to talk; the only thing left. Sometimes, I don’t even know if waiting is something that’s should be done. I don’t dare to ask you anything because I am so afraid you would get angry and withdraw away. But all that is really out of a concerned heart that I want to. At the slightest hint to me that you find it intrusive, I will stop asking. I just want to know whether I can be of any help. It’s vexing; it really is.
Monday, February 3, 2003 06:39 p.m. ___________________________________________
Monday, February 3, 2003 01:48 a.m. ___________________________________________
Monday, February 3, 2003 01:35 a.m. ___________________________________________
For steamboat, we had pork rib soup as the base and the soup turns out to be incredible with all the vege, fish and seafood. And all the ingredients at less than 10 dollars per person. Thats what I call a makan session. T and Yao wasn't there with us to complete the group, so its a little letdown on that part. Also had a rare time with Dan and Ken as we talked about many stuff and issues. Just went away with a new anticipation for the upcoming months. :) Sunday, February 2, 2003 12:49 a.m. ___________________________________________
Went for my usual Saturday service, had quite a good time with the Lord. Surprisingly, the attendance was quite good for the lst lunar day. Meet up with ken and Uj, where we went for prata dinner near sultan mosque. The place is unimaginably oily. Had to walk with great care, as the whole floor was wet with water and oil (?). Hehehe, after that, we went for a car tour when Uj wanted to go Fort Canning. So off we go to the “fort of love”. Hahahaha. Was pretty good. There were the ROM building, some archeological digs, and some forgettable historical sites. And of course there were the couples and cars and ahem, everything, which we tried our best to steer clear. Don’t want to be accused of being peeping toms. But still can’t help thinking why on earth do they want to go such public places for their “little-get-together” when there are better places… Highlight of the entire night has to be the honest chat with ken in his car at my void deck. Talked our hearts out regarding certain issues and it seems to have a lightening effect on my chest. :) Going to talk about it more tomorrow when the dg meet up at his house for our steamboat. (YUM YUM) |