Welcome to my page
Added a tagboard. Kudos to Ennui for helping out the poor dude here!! :D

About myself
Name: Caleb, Shixiong
Age: 23, Male
Country: Singapore

Links
FCBC online
MrBrown
BHco

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December 2002
January 2003
Februray2003
March2003
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May2003
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...more coming



The GrayFox's Den

Rantings....

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Wednesday, December 31, 2003 02:27 p.m. ___________________________________________


Came back from danny's house with something in my heart. Something that I found out about myself and how ppl around me react. Guess that I can't expect all r/s with ppl to be just like how I want them to be. Also didn't know that I was quite link up with many groups in church. So how can I be a blessing to others?

Actually, not everyone likes to have friends coming to you only when there are problems. But I will try to use that to the glory of Jesus, with what God has given me.

On a side, feeling quite disheartened. Maybe it's the response, or rather, the lack of it? Let's wait and see.


Sunday, December 28, 2003 12:15 a.m. ___________________________________________


Pretty fustrated at a mini performance today at a SCH open house. Can't even tell what I'm playing and the constant glances from Ping says it all. Feeling rather raw and the idea of performing in front of ppl scares me, to be honest. Sorry, but Ping had to cover for my "lack of sound" and mistakes whenever I do play.

But all is not lost. Ping also loan me his microphone, which together with my, also borrowed, MD player, i should be able to record my playing and learn from mistakes while listening. All I hope now is that I can like what was being played, thats all...

Anyway, made a mad dash back to FCBC for service, where ps Kwong shared a word about money stewardship, which was very timely. Dan and Tor made the comment that I looked good in the black long sleeve shirt. (YAY!) Hahahaha, a twist there from the constant "why always wear black!" from ken and lio. =)


Friday, December 26, 2003 11:49 p.m. ___________________________________________


Am going to take a gamble. No risk, No gain. This time, being thick-skin is all that matters. What use is calvary if they don't charge?


Thursday, December 25, 2003 11:04 p.m. ___________________________________________


Christmas Eve at Lionel's house for BBQ. We invited quite alot of ppl over so the atmosphere was pretty nice. Eat 2 pieces of BBQ'ed chicken and 2 hotdogs with some risk taken over my stomach. But thank God, all is -still- well. yah, I also had to take a stingray without chilli. Yucks, i recommend that you guys dun try it. The fishy smell will spoilt your appettite.

Watched LOTR3 for the 2nd time with BH ppl on Christmas. I really like the way the Rohan riders appeared for the battle scenes and riding into the orcs. Real cool! The "speech" by the rohan king was really stirring. I would have watched the show again if not for the pricey movie tickets and the bum rotting 3.5 hours.

Finally ended this day with ken and lio at Ikea shopping for ken's stuff. Hehehe, ken observe alot of young couples all doing their shopping, apparently to set up their new homes. Anyway, the furniture at ikea are quite cheap so i guess its quite a nice destination for family-starters.


Tuesday, December 23, 2003 12:17 a.m. ___________________________________________


Spend the late afternoon and evening at NTUCO for dazu practice. GLQ came in the afternoon and had quite a good talk with the orchestrate. Anyway, i am very sure his excuses for not being able to attend the practices were very valid indeed. A shame that maybe that we, myself included had pass judgement on him too early. He was and is still, a very conductor, esp the way he showed so much patience towards some of the members, who apparently, aren't that interested in practicing.

Going back again tmr for fyp discussion and more dazu in the afternoon. I hope GLQ recovers soon.


Saturday, December 20, 2003 01:34 p.m. ___________________________________________


Bad news: I have got an irritated stomach, meaning the diarrhoea bouts continue. And from this morning, I counted 6 visits to the great white throne already. Sigh. Saw the doc again and all he can do was give me the usual course of antibotics and and some charcoal pills. Yah, he mentioned that normally, hospitals handling such cases can do nothing except let it run its full course. Until then, I got to be extra careful in making sure I don't eat anything that will cause my stomach to get even more irritated.

RESULTS ARE OUT! Okay, got a bit of jelly in my legs before checking them. Hehehe, MinMin was on the other line of the phone to give me support! Anyway, Thank God! I cleared all my subjects, 3Bs and 2Cs. Not a bad result actually. Am contented. ^_^


Thursday, December 18, 2003 11:12 a.m. ___________________________________________


Felt a little better. And the ovaltine I had just now..feels really like heaven. ^_^

Hopefully, fever's subsided for good.

Hopefully, my last diarrhoea yesterday really is the last one of this entire episode.

And I got to learn alot about diarrhoea through the web. Yah, I am quite a mini-diarrhoea expert myself already.

Lio called to tell me about a combined DGs effort in organising a christmas party (Just, CL and ours). The runway's a little short but nevertheless, we got to see the amount of ppl we can invite through us.

And S, I am quite disappointed. What's the point of telling me straight that you are not bringing frens when you haven't even ask? Did you actually even bother to ask in the first place? Sigh.

Still, I told him to ASK and INVITE 1st, THEN tell me TOMORROW.


Wednesday, December 17, 2003 09:18 p.m. ___________________________________________


The diaherra is back, and with a vengence. Haven't felt so sick for a long time but managed to see a doc still. Funny that he advises I abstain fron vegetables, fruits and milk but take soyabean milk. Anyway, bought a small bowl of soya beancurd and everything came out again in 30 minutes.

You cannot believe how sian this has becomed. Body aches, frequent toilet visits, persistent fever, total lack of appetite...(anyway, i ate that soyabean and 2 mouthful of bread the whole of today), watching what came out of my system sure spoilts watever taste you have.

And friends got to call you when you just managed to drift into sleep, abruptly interrupted to ask about some funds.

To tell the truth, my mind was so far away during last night's session at lio's place. There they were, so exuburently sharing and teasing; but my thoughts was my bed at home, wishing for some rest. And dan, not that I don't want to listen to you, but surely you get my signals? Damn, how I wish I was my usual "frank" self and told them at 830pm after dinner that I wanted to go home.

No, but I have to fight tiredness and at the same time, listen with a ear and being forcely alert in case dan wants me to share. And no, I am not a whimp. If you had to visit the toilet 5~6 times a day, hopign that each time is the last but never was, you will also do the same here.

At least it brought out the little things in life that we thought they were small but nevertheless precious to the receiver. Like Ling's phonecall to ask how I was and not about something else. That touched me greatly.

At least it brought out my dependence to God. Strong and self-mighty? Forget it. I am weak, and I need God.


Tuesday, December 16, 2003 01:08 a.m. ___________________________________________


Did another one of those "Know-Yourself-Pyschological-Test". So here's their results.

*************************

You're an ESTJ

ESTJ

You like to roll up your sleeves, dig in and go right at getting the job done. you use logic and analysis as guiding principles in your life. You're quick to decide and set out a plan of action. You make sure commitments (your own and those of others) are honored and the job gets done.

You value team sports, and other group activities. If something is the tradition of your job or school, you'll take part in it. You know that you have to "earn your keep" and take responsibility for yourself...you take your roles seriously (father, employee, student, or whatever).

You learn best in structured settings...you're a take charge kinda person.. you can deliver when there's a specific task with deadlines...you have an orderly and logical way of evaluating things..

You like a task-oriented and structured atmosphere...you get a thrill outta accomplishments and just having finished something...efficiency is important to you....with you, "what you see is what you get."

You are the prototypical leader. You give advice freely, you take charge, you wanna fix the problems...you are quick, direct, and crisp at getting to the core of the situation...others might look at you as tough, driven, or heartless, though..

You put work before pleasure, and know when to do which...fun time is often seen as a reward for accomplishing a task... you don't just go for walks.. the walk hasta have a purpose...

Love means stability and steadfastedness...however, when you fall in love, this is pretty much the only time you'll be flexible and spontaneous... you expect security and loyalty in relationships...you logically expect that a relationship will have its ups and downs, so let the other person weather the tough times, when you should be helping perhaps...you don't like to let others see your hurt feelings....you're supersensitive to being rejected and may not always share that hurt...

Things to watch for: you might decide too quickly and to form opinions how things "ought to get done." But what happens when circumstances change? Also, don't walk on others feelings...it's part of working with others and you don't particularly consider this part often...when you get emotional and you've been holding stuff inside, a seemingly minor incident will set off an explosion...don't forget to consider others' values and opinions.

ESTJ: "Execution Saves The Job"


Tuesday, December 16, 2003 12:57 a.m. ___________________________________________


I thank the Lord for His healing grace. Had been quite sick the past 2 days. Down with diaherroea, fever and gastric. Haven't eaten anything substantial for the past 2 days, so feeling rather weak at the moment.

Still managed to drag myself for a FYP meeting with prof lim and NTUCO practice in the evening. GLQ couldn't make it again and the practice was unfruitful to say the least. Circumstances like that make you dream about the bed back home, esp when I should be resting...


Friday, December 12, 2003 08:36 p.m. ___________________________________________


Helped out Forrest in her FYP experiments this morning at SRJC track. Had to wear this funny watch and chest brace that supposely measures my heart rate while she puts me through various exercises. In the end, it became more like a aerobic workout with the finale, a 1.6km fast walk! I feel beaten up at the end..hahaha.

Anyway, according to her preliminary results, I have a higher than average heart rate than most guys (unhealthy?!?) but surprisely have a much faster recovery rate (some piece of good news). So guess I got to spend more time running. Haiz, long gone were the days where my resting heart pulse was a mere 55/min.


Thursday, December 11, 2003 11:48 p.m. ___________________________________________


Super downpour. Jia, Zq, ying and I had to navigate carefully thru the rain with an umbrella each to go for dinner and yet, we all still got wet.

I think alot of us got an overdose of tianshan and gaoshan. Junyi and I got so tired at the 2 songs, we just kept yawning and looking at each other with sleepy eyes. I just hope these 2 songs get buried for a long time after dec 27th.


Sunday, December 7, 2003 06:16 p.m. ___________________________________________


Yo! The 2 day church family camp is over and I am back! ^_^ Okay, the overall verdict of the camp at PLMGS was nice. Made quite a number of new friends and further consolidated some old ones. Yah, Lio was one of the program coordinators, so all the more the camp was better than the other camps that I go to. :P

This family camp was really different due to the fact that 3 networks combined to make up the numbers. So you can guess that the age gaps between the oldest camper and youngest one. It was quite a barrier initially, because every game group had only 2~3 guys with 8~10 girls ranging from 12yrs olds to 30 yr olds with the young ones really the majority. Games on the 1st day were alright. But I at least I tried to enjoy myself and worked hard to make my team gel together. But the team leader, sharon, (a PL teacher) had the X-factor to click the ppl, so all kudos to her for doing a good job.

Actually, you can sense that this camp became more of a mentoring session for me, esp when we had so many young ones! We ended the first day with a caterpillar game where our legs were tied and eyes blinded and supposed to move and negotiate obstacles as a team. Yah, was really difficult but we got moving in the end and we made it to the end. Thought that was quite a relevation to me in terms of followers should be and how we often talk more than we tried to listen.

2nd day was quite fun. We were given a budget for our lunch to settle ourselves and in the end, my group decided to go over a teammate's nearby home and cook. Yah, I had to cook 12 packets of instant noodles for all of them plus a tub of ice-cream. After this was followed by games and water games where I had my fair share of fun. Yah, I also unloaded 4 water bombs on danny. :P

Talking about the food, I am quite amazed that my appettite was lost over these 3 days. Couldn't really eat much.

***************************************

To Lio: Bro, to be honest, I wasn't in that eager a mood to go for camps like this. Think you do know this when you asked me last tuesday. But I went nevertheless because I wanted to make you successful as a program corrdinator. That's why at times, I was quite un-myself throughout the camp, esp during the games. I really tried to "RA" the atmosphere up for you and get the campers excited, really tried my best. To the point where I was wondering how much of towards the line I can push to do all the things I was doing. But at least, I can say for certain, the camp was a success. Thank you for all the planning and efforts. Luv, your brother bear.


Thursday, December 4, 2003 02:34 a.m. ___________________________________________


Let's see what I have been planning for this holiday: FYP, CO and some R&R, plus a few weddings and a church camp. Oh well, not exactly exciting but since it is going to be my last holiday before I start finding work, guess might as well make the best out of it.

Been hooked to this game called GunBound. It's an online version of worms but only funnier and definately more fun. Esp the MSN style of chatting plus nice graphics and competitive "bombing" between human players, you have yourself a rather addictive game.

******************************

Sometimes, I forget humans are always going to be humans. And sometimes, when you have known someone for so long and so well, you forgot all about their strengths and only concentrated on their flaws. I admit I have. I always find trashing sessions to be the best way to solve people to people issues. Only by being honest and frank can the frenship be brought to another level. Yup, truth will always hurt, but I will still tell the truth anyway.