Tuesday, August 22, 2006 05:49 p.m.

      *Looks at previous blog date* Wow, it's been more than a month since I last blogged. Basically I've been caught up with work at school, not to mention being busy with things at church and also settling some personal things concerning myself.

      If I could use a word to describe my past few weeks of living, I would perhaps use one word to describe it... "foolish". I have to confess I've wasted my time engaging in activities that now I see are really time-wasters, spiritual stumbling blocks and personal demons. I dare to even confess that because of my irresponsible stewardship of my life, I have suffered much. In the words of a close friend, "It was an expensive price, an expensive lesson to pay for."

      How true indeed.

      Last night I was awake until 2am trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings. At one point I was angry with myself and at another point I was just plain mad at God. Mad because He allowed my past to run its course, how He seemed to be standing and watching me being tortured and humiliated. One part of me resented it.

      But I'm done with the anger. Not that God did not send any response. Instead of explaining why things happened to me, He sent his responnse in the most real way that anyone could ask for. No one can explain why some particular people go through particular hurts or trials, instead, God sent Jesus to go through all the things that every group, race, tribe, skin colour and age group went through.

      And I am content that I will be able to get through this hard time. I will be still and call upon the name of the LORD.....and be saved.