What is more worse than being an atheist or a Christian? It's being neither.

      When you were faithless, you knew how it felt to be empty and purposeless. When you accepted God into your life you experience the wonder and miracles of amazing and divine love. Turn away from all that and you find yourself thrown into an abyss of uncertainty and you don't know where to go from there if you reject a purposeless life and purposeful life. It's limbo, that's what it is.

      God, I need light amidst this confusion and anger. I need head and tail of it. Repulsion clamours at every corner and yet I have to steel myself for more trusting in Your strength and guidance in the face of temptation, sin and lies. Everyone goes through this and I realise that even Christ wasn't spared of it either. Remember, Jesus knew about Judas all along. He knew the disciples would run when He was betrayed. He knew they were a bunch of good-for-nothings even before they had the notion to be betrayers and liars.

      Jesus, how did it feel knowing all this? What went on in Your mind as you looked at them, knowing that they would sin eventually. When they ignorantly said they would not forsake You, did You hold back tears or chuckle? How did it feel to invest time, effort and love to raise up 12 disciples who squabbled, fell, and ran when You needed them the most? Why did You choose them then? Why did You accept them into Your life?

      Because You foresaw even further. You projected into the future and saw that they would eventually be in success. Give up on them now and you risk destroying their future instead, isn't it? You knew that their weaknesses would be used by You to be testimonies of strength later on.

      You exercised grace. You exercised forgiveness. May we all learn to exercise these Christ-like attributes. Even more so for this time of the year. Amen.

      One hour ago, the death toll has crossed the 100,000 mark. It is a staggering 125,000 now... A solemn day to usher in 2005. May the new year be a year of hope, God. We need Your love and assurance even more as the year closes.

      As as 9am this morning, it's a staggering 81,000 and the numbers are rising. Many are left homeless, people having mass cremations and burials, bloated bodies on the beaches that once housed activity reeks of death and despair...

      Wake up people, life is fragile. Let's put aside our differences and remember that we are all members of planet earth and we have an obligation to one another as fellow human beings.

      As diseases are on the rise, let's pray that help will come and medical personnel will be swift to aid those who are left behind in this tragedy. My heart breaks and I want to refrain from looking at the newspaper. Heart wrenching reports are not what I want to look at but I steel myself to read. Never before have I felt such a burden before. God, I have to pray for them! God, save them!

      Celebrations have been cancelled in order to have prayers for the tsunami and earthquake victims. I can only say it is appropriate. This is a time when the world has been shaken and it's a time to respect and remember those who are lost and gather what is left to build a new life. I cannot imagine the anguish feflt, but my heart still aches. I treasure those I see around me and realise that life is really fragile when disaster hits. I give thanks for the people around me and that those I know who are from Penang, be they colleagues or coursemates, their families are untouched. I am grateful for that. It's not too late to realise that the people around you are really dear.

      2005 is around the corner... how will you make the most of it?