Tuesday, September 4, 2007 10:26 p.m.

      I haven't been blogging for awhile. I mean... real blogging that is. It's been awhile since I talked about issues or things that have been going on inside of me.

      Saying that I've been busy is the understatement of the year I reckon. Right from the beginning of the year, GRC has been loaded with activities... the Worship Retreat 07, Sports Day, Broga Leadership Camp 07, the upcoming Youth Rally... on top of that all... dealing with personal commitments in church, cell group, work and family and relationships... Yeap, I've been real busy!

      But having said that, I have to give thanks because of all the things that have happened so far in this year. It's caused me to grow in areas where I thought I'd never grow into. Being confident of who I am in Christ was one of the areas where I grew a lot. I don't take pride in myself, but the glory goes to Jesus because He was the one who showed His strength amidst my weakness.

      People have questioned my motives, doubted my abilities and were suspicious or rather skeptical of my choice of career. Until now, my science degree sticks out like a sore whereby people wonder why I don't use my degree to its advantage and would rather teach instead. I wonder why as well. Right from the first day I stepped into GRC, I find myself falling in love more each day with the work. At times I do get tired, discouraged and I want to move on, but God will not allow it and my heart just can't do it either.

      People have questioned whether the Youth Rally is something that is approved by God. People have asked whether I have the spiritual capacity to hold such a vision. At times, I feel the unspoken pressure of being a non-Grace PJ attendee working in Grace PJ. It's weird. But I am assured that as long as God is my focus, things fall into place and they have.

      Of late, my own character was questioned. Am I hard up for lime light? Am I just out to get my agenda going and not God's? Have I been a bad testimony in church? Have my actions offended people? The answer to all this might quite well be yes IF I could find someone to tell me properly why they feel so. The issue was raised but not pursued, nor was there any follow up and everything was swept under the carpet. Betrayed? Disappointed? Angry? Yes, indeed. But last week, I finally let go. So be it, because the word I received last Sunday spoke of God's approval in the things I am doing now. I just need God's approval and the conviction in my spirit that I am on the right path.

      To be honest, I've started praying from the beginning of 2008 whether I should continue to stay in GRC and teach. Every year, its my practice to consult God about my career. I usually don't hear from God so soon and the answer usually comes much later. Last year, the answer came during our staff retreat in December in Genting. This year, I asked God to tell me earlier in case I needed to leave immediately.

      So am I staying? Well, the answer to my prayer came in the form of an email. I won't elaborate of its contents, but that short but sweet email inspired me and spoke to my heart that I can make a difference in the lives of youth and children. I could sense the approval from God, and tears just came into my eyes. I never expected it! But yes, God sends His comfort and messages through people as well. I am once again motivated to press on in this job. Not that I hated it in the first place. Just that I always get swamped by feelings of inadequacy.

      But God, for You, I'd do anything for You, as long as You stand by me and go before me.

      You're the reason that I live, You're the reason that I sing, with all I am...

      Jesus, I love You. Thank You for the year 2007, its been a roller coaster year, but You've put me right side up in so many areas. Thank You.