Beginnin_wordz

Powered by TagBoard Message Board

Name URL or Email Messages(smilies)

Older ramblings Sunday, August 8, 2004 02:20 p.m.       I've had a stressful week so far... I've lost my temper at a few coursemates already, even snapped at my mother and worse still, became angry in a cold sort of way at my cell leader because I wasn't in a good mood. My stress for my coming exams and rushing of my assignments really got to me. But thank goodness I recovered a small fraction of my sanity. The frustration is that no matter how hard I try, I still seem to fall into more desperation and spiral into sadness.       Deep into the night, I wonder at my life and think whether I can be called "to the ends of the earth" because everything that happens to me doesn't seem to working for the good of anyone (not even myself). To be honest with myself, I don't even think my life reflects a piece of God in it. But the truth is - doesn't mean things are going crappy or even gloomy, it means God isn't in control - HE still is!       Maybe some people will say that I am being biased, therefore I base all my arguments with the fundamental basic that God is good and God is great, therefore He is in control and things are all in His power and might. Questions like, "If God is indeed good, why is the world still full of evil, pain and suffering?" Well, to put it simply, because we live in a fallen world. God is in control despite the fact that we see people starving on the streets, despite the fact we still see rape cases and murders happening in countries around the world, despite the fact that you are still fighting with yourself to overcome drug addiction and masturbation. He is still in charge despite the shortcomings of the world. God is perfect, but the creatures in the world are not.       But despite all the dirt and mire, God offers us salvation. A hope, born again, amidst the swaddlings of a dirty linen cloth in a noisy and smelly stable. Surrounded by a stench instead of silk curtains, Hope was born again into our world 2000 years ago. God is saying, "Yes, the world is fallen and you can't seem to right the wrongs from your ancestor Adam. I will give you My Son, who will take all your sins away once and for all and unite us in fellowship once again." Think about it, if God were not in control, worst disasters would happen if Satan were in charge. Would we be able to experience spiritual joy and liberty if not for God. There is one part that no one can take away from us, and that is our relationship with God.       These hands have murdered and twisted the living truth into poisoning deceptions These hands have laid lifeless and limp as countrymen slaughter brothers These hands have wiped away smiles and light from eyes that look towards a dark tomorrow These hands were used by a pair of Higher ones to give cheap dignity to ours These Hands nailed by many hands to remind us that hands that hurt can learn to love Wednesday, July 21, 2004 06:40 p.m. Dear God,      I wonder if You hear me sometimes when I pray to You. For the past two months I've been struggling with my studies and a sense of loneliness that sometimes has to be self-imposed so I can escape that moment of helplessness that engulfs me in college. Sometimes, I wish things didn't have to be the way they were.       I cried that night because I couldn't take the pressure. Things are going great for me but I know that there are also a lot more things that I can't seem to change no matter how much I prayed for them. I can only live with the notion that You will provide and You are enough. I truly believe that but I can't ignore the human part of me that makes me want to find a friend and ask for a comforting hug or a pat on the shoulder. I feel cheapened to ask for love from people, my pride gets in the way and in the end I hurt myself by seeing people being so happy and contented. Even friendship seems to make life smart with pain nowadays.       God, I never strayed from You. I'm learning that sometimes when I do things in Your name, I might need to do them alone. I might need to accept some attacks, jeers and sarcasm or even anger. It's not Your fault that I get all this. I'm doing it for You. When I deny myself, I sincerely believe that I become more like Jesus. The same way when He carried His own cross, I crucify myself daily in hope to attain that crown of glory and be with You one day when Jesus comes to take us Home.       I hope You won't think I'm complaining. Life is so much more meaningful now when I get to help people. When I encourage them to have hope, I need to put on hope and strengthen myself for their sakes. When I ask them to surrender, I too surrender myself to guide some friends out of problems. God, it's an inner transformation. I just feel tired that's all. I'm just being the daughter, laying her head on the Dad's lap and talking about the things I've been doing lately. I bet You don't mind a bit:)       So Dad, give me strength and peace of mind. Help me learn to be more like Jesus. Love ya, night night Dad. Sunday, July 18, 2004 02:52 p.m.       Hallelujah! I found my wallet! Guess I dropped it again but THANK GOD the person sitting next to me kept it for me and contacted Andrew whose number was in my wallet and I got it back on Friday!!! YAHOO!!! I will *bashes her own head* be super-careful with my belongings from now on. God, even I know that Your grace isn't meant to be tempted with my carelessness!       Cell group was cool on Saturday. Worship lead for the first time in cell group. Must say I could do better but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Actually enjoyed it even:) Just need more practice and preparation for my vocals and how to flow with the Spirit whilst leading and be also able to sense the people around me. But perhaps the thing that struck me the most during cell group was when Monica asked us all a question, "...what has God spoken / promised to you before?"       It really made me think. Was it my career, my future, or spiritual ministry, or my studies or even my cell group? I'll just use my blog to record it and perhaps this is also my prayer request. So those of you who know me, if God moves your heart to do so, pray along with me? God said to Mei Ling on a fine day that... "I want you, Mei Ling, to be a writer for Me and to glorify Me in your writing." "Mei Ling, you're going to have financial blessing in your life and you'll have more than enough." "Mei Ling, I promise, those pesky migraines and gastric pains of yours are going to lessen and one day disappear completely becase I am your Healer." "Mei Ling, your cell group will grow and you will be a leader who will learn to serve and love your cell members with all your heart." "One day, when you speak, you will impact the people who hear you and move them to Me." "Your mother will accept Me into her life." "You will graduate from college and still be in one piece without any nervous breakdowns." "You will learn to have peace and patience and be still." "You will one day learn to speak with love and put away childish demands and that cynical and sarcastic edge in your voice." "I am going to use you to minister to people who have broken hearts after you have overcome your hurts in your life." AND most of all... "Mei Ling, one day... WE'RE going to see each other, face-to-face, and WE'RE going to be together in heaven FOREVER! Amen. p.s. Take some time off in the day and think, "What has God spoken to ME in this life?"