Thursday, April 26, 2007 12:20 p.m.

      I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:13

      I want to share with you, that nothing is impossible as long as you believe in God, who is supreme to everyone. I mean no disrespect, but I believe that God has a plan for you, and He overrides everyone - that includes your parents, your school, your friends, even your teachers [like me] - because He knows best. He has created you and thus He will not lead you to a dead-end road, thats for certain.

      When I first joined college, I thought I was cut out to study science. I had already failed at pursuing medicine since my Form 6 results were lousy. So I started college in a degree in Biology and Chemistry with high hopes that I would make it in the science field. However, two years into the course, I realised that I was not able to grasp the fundamental aspects of chemistry, biology and mathematics. Hence, the struggle started inside of me.

      My course is more than 80% filled with scholarship holders. I'm talking about those who aced their SPM and they get high grade points in college. Being in a highly competitive environment, I cracked under the pressure. Almost everyday, I would hide in my room under the covers crying. Asking God why He led me to this place. Everytime I brought back not-so-good results, my mother would let out a frustrated, "Why can't you do better? You're smart!"

      In short, I was a failure before family and friends. Even my favourite aunt, decided to tell me that, "You weren't cut out for science, why did you have to be so stubborn? I told you so!" And all these words hurt and cut. Deep down, my passion was to write, was to teach...but I didn't know why I was doing science anymore.

      To cut the long story short, I finally couldn't hold up my grades and I failed one subject. The solution was to resit the exam and pass it...but on the day the exam came...I chickened out and DID NOT turn up for it. I was hoping I could go another round of resits when I was more prepared. But you know what? My college barred me from taking the exam anymore. I had to stay back ONE WHOLE YEAR and wait before I could retake the exam!!!

      I contemplated a lot of things... running away. Hiding the truth. I wanted to kill myself literally. I wanted to run away. In the end, I ended up in my church's office crying before my cell leader. Confessing my actions and completely losing hope. I didn't know what to do. If my mother found out...she would definitely disown me! But in the end... I decided I needed to be honest and I went home and told her the truth..

      Mom screamed at me, shouted at me and nearly was going to strangle me for my irresponsibility. I tried to tell her that I wasn't able to handle science. She blamed it on me for being lazy. In the end, she blamed church. And gave me the ultimatum - stop being christian and she would continue to pay for my degree. I balked at the idea. I decided no matter what, God needed to be in the picture. And after a long process, mom forgave me. But I lost my chance to a degree, she would only pay for my advance diploma.

      But surprisingly, doors opened and I could finish my degree at the UK in the year 2005. At first I didn't want to go for it, because I had enough of science, I really hated it and I was scared history would repeat itself. But one night, God told me to go for it and promised that His grace would be sufficient for me. Oh, I cried and begged Him to change His mind. But God wouldn't let me go. So I decided...if God said go, surely He would provide the way. The rest is history...I came back from UK and passed all my subjects easily although the course was tough. I learnt to rely on God to study, for the first time I felt that I had confidence, because I looked to God and not myself anymore.

      Having said all this... the one thing that I have learnt is...to never give up. Because God always has something better in store for all of us. If I didn't go ahead and finish my degree, I would never have learnt to conquer that fear of failure. Now, I no longer look at science with such dread, I know my God has made me victorious in that aspect.

      Moreover, I've learnt that running away never helped anything. Yes, even now there are times I feel like throwing everything aside and run away, but I know that's not what God created me for. He created me to be a rock-breaker, to stand and fight with God's might, not my own strength. The Bible says, if God is for us, who can be against us?

      I hope this encourages you. I may not exactly be in your situation right now so I can't fully comprehend your pain and your frustrations. But I can promise you one thing - God understands it perfectly. Only God knows how painful you feel because He dwells in your life. His Spirit makes intercession for you when you lose words to express the distress and agony within. Don't let this temporary hurt block you from seeing the great future God has in store for you.

      All of us...we're here for you no matter what. If it matters at all... I'm going to make myself available no matter what. We're going to see God change things for the better in your life and we'll never give up until we see the sun that is behind those stormy clouds.

      Josh, don't give up. God hasn't given up on you yet.

      Wherever you may be, the troubles you may see; if you're lost and weak, He's there to guide your way and hold your heart