Within the next 15 minute's time I will be having the first cell group in my house for Malaysian students. There will be five of us in total and it is exciting indeed for me.

      The past two months or so in Liverpool - the first month of getting over the excitement of a new country, the second month of spiritual growth and discipline - has now resulted in this... cell group. I hope it will be a great opportunity for us as believers who are far away from our own home churches (wherever they are) that we can join together in our faith as believers in Christ and set aside tradition and encourage each other in our walk with God.

      To be honest, it is taking extreme courage on my side because I have not been leading cell group for a looooong time. Moreover these are people whom I have never had cell group with before so I am expecting the unexpected to happen.

      Keep me in prayer, people.

      I've been frustrated with myself for the past few days. Sometimes, being unable to verbalise what you feel reduces to someone who seems all right on the outside but inside you just keep pushing yourself away from the ones who love you the most. You seem to try to find some excuse or reason to blame it on others or blame it on lack of sleep (or excess if it), fatigue, PMS etc.
      However, when you think about it. Really think about it... the problem really lies in your relationship with God. I will not go into detail with what has been discussed with a very close friend but the conclusion that we always come to is that I need to focus, refocus...focus and refocus. It has always been an issue for me and one area in my life I would dearly love to see transformed by God. So many temptations have come my way and though they have not become fact, nevertheless I still responded and was tempted.
      Today's preaching was about Achan who stole treasures of the enemy and hid them in his tent thus incurring God's wrath. I felt that God was speaking to me about these choices that lay before me. Whether they existed or not, they still succeeded in tempting me, meaning I gave into the desire of choosing them instead of obeying God. My friend asked a vital question, "What is God's will?" That is a question I am going to answer in this blog to make myself accountable and to make it a permanent record of today.
      God's will in my life is to serve Him in His house. To go into full time ministry. To become a Christian who will be able to communicate God's goodness through written words and to one day become a teacher of His word. God has also spoken of things concerning pastoring which I am keeping in prayer, but nevertheless it is a calling that I am sure of as I meditate on that revelation. God's will in my life is that I am to stay put in World Harvest Church until He tells me to leave for another place. His will is that I not stop evangelising and spreading the gospel and He has promised youth groups from secondary schools and disciples from youths and young adults. God's will for me is to a healer of broken heart's and that in 2002 when He spoke to me first of my calling He promised that in 2005 my spiritual growth would be greater than 2002. God's will is my will. There are temptations now in my way and somehow, by God's strength I will resist them because although they are good choices, God's will is still higher than all the wonderful avenues laid before me. I might think they are the best for me, but God always has something better than I can ever imagine.
      Dear friends, regardless what religion you believe in. Keep me in prayer. I am at another turning point in my life. Last year, it was personality breakthroughs all the way. This year is the year where I will cross the River Jordan and enter the Promised Land to claim it and learn to maintain and possess it and call it my own.
      There's no turning back after I have placed this here on this blog. I make myself accountable for all that I have said. God, I will not forsake Thy will. For Your ways are higher than mine. I will not disobey. I pray for Your strength and mercy on my life. From this moment onwards, I am yours, completely at Your will and mercy.

      Well, I passed my biology paper with a second lower class mark, am a tad depressed over it but I did just aim for second lower class honours, so I'm grateful that my prayers were answer really :)

      There have been a lot of things on my mind for the past one week. Things that tempt me, things that catch hold of my heart and they make me yearn for them. They aren't porn, sex or booze. But rather good things that if anyone was in my position, they would certainly grab hold of as well.

      But somehow, there seems to be a voice of reason that is trying to make itself louder in me. Something that is squeaking, "Hang on for a minute there, ya all right?!" Somehow, I'm still unsure about the options that are before me. Somehow, there is still a balance that has yet been struck somewhere. Still, there is a revelation that has not dawned or rather dropped onto my head.

      What is it?

      Today, I really miss my churchmates in World Harvest Church. I miss hearing or seeing comforting sms-es when I am feeling low right now. I miss being in a cell group where I can be open about my feelings and have someone to pray for me. I miss all that group support really. I miss being in a place where crying is so easy. I hate being tough here all the time. I wish I could be me, for a change. I haven't been entirely myself since I came here.

      Monica, where are you?