Finally I get to blog in peace! It's been quite some time since I last blog..well, the post where I announced passing all my papers doesn't count... ok?

      After working for well over a month or so, I can make a clear summary of how life has been when people ask me, "How are you?" with two words...

      ... not easy.

      Moving out was the challenge where I had to wash my own clothes, buy my own food, budget and sleep in the same house with people I don't really know. Of course, working really sucks out my brains at the end of the day and I find myself tired out even more after teaching tuition at night. Then church comes into the picture where I go for prayer nights, church services, serve as an usher and go for evangelism, conduct cell groups and at the same time maintaining my spiritual life. I wanted a preview of a chance to really balance the spiritual and natural... I got it smack right into the face.

      The initial first few weeks of working took a toll on my body and spirit. I would feel sleepy at work and at night... my bed was so alluring. Reading the Bible seemed futile because nothing entered my tired brains. Going for cell group and evangelism lacked the usual kick and vibe. I tried to muster the enthusiasm and failed miserably. I didn't even look like I enjoyed my job. All I could do was call desperately to God and asked Him for strength and grace. I made the painful decision of sleeping early and waking up early to read the Bible. As the pace grew... I began to feel liberated again in the spirit.

      Then I chanced upon the book "Good Morning, Holy Spirit" by Benny Hinn which really challenged me to walk even deeper with God. I found myself realising the comforting quality of the Holy Spirit. I had an active friend and Helper with me! Not that I didn't realise it earlier, but to have your heart believe in that power from Him... it took some time.

      I feel tired still. Some nights, when no one is in the room. I will be strummming my guitar and singing to God and eventually break into tears. A phonecall might come and tell me I'm a loser and I feel sad. I'm still human after all. I'm human by all respects... I'm lazy, I get mad, I get disappointed and I grumble.

      But I am given the strength to overcome all these. I am given the priviledge to cry out, "Help!!!" and God comes to my rescue. I have a silent strength residing within me through the Holy Spirit and He sustains me day and night. He comforts me when I cry alone. He listens to my stories at night when words fail to describe my anguish. He is there for me.

      There are moments when challenges are thrown into my hands and I have to bite my lips from saying, "I can't do it" because I don't want to limit myself when my God is limitless. Sometimes I wonder where my Christian faith is pulling me to... its a path which is most unknown to me... it is a path that I can only place faith and apply wisdom when the time to make the decision comes.... right now... I am contemplating many roads to take after my 3 months in the UK... does anyone have any ideas?

      1. Continue furthering my masters in UK which will cost at least RM80,000 together with my degree?
2. Take a masters locally in Malaysia?
3. Go to bible college?
4. Work after the three months? As what?
5. Be a fulltime tuition teacher?


      I'm pondering these choices... each one has a reason behind it. But I welcome suggestions from friends who are reading this post. I just need some views and help... email me at babylonixa0206@yahoo.com