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Argh... Why do i get so easily irritated by my family members these days??? Lyke my aunt, for example. Kao... She keep stressing that i am VERY FAT lor... I wont blame her if shez slimmer than me... But hello...??? Shez lyke way way way fatter than me. Shez obese lor... Urgh... Then i keep arguing with her. I mean keep talking abck to her lar. I feel so mean lor... But then... i cant help it. Urgh... Damn me...
Btw, i am so satisfied with myself lor... I am so happy i am such a cheerful gurl. A gift frm God. I hope i'll remain this way my whole life. Wont that be great? For me and my frens and family? Awwwww...
Anyway... Is anybody willing to go to Heeren with me on the 14th Nov, 7.30pm???
..:::..6/11, Thursday..:::..
The funeral's over. Life's back to normal. No more late nights. Lyke yay...??? *sigh* I didn't even feel any regrets for not visiting her often the last time until i saw her coffin being licked by the flames in the crematorium... It was horrible... Her death's lyke so sudden... She died in a hospital. I didn't even know she was dere. I didn't visit her. Haiz... The moment i saw her inside together with the flames...i felt a sense of loss. A sense of remorse, regrets. I am so scared... I aint that close to her, but i am already having this feeling of loss... a feeling i actually felt for the first time... Wad do you think will happen if my grandma dies???(May God forbid it) Wont i feel even worse? Lyke very and much much more worse??? Will i wanna die? Will i wanna commit suicide when that happens??? Will my life change? Will i still be such a cheerful gurl? Itz really scary... I fear that day... Maybe that's my greatest fear...the death of a close and loved one... *sobs*
I saw "Tian Yang" at Junction 8 today!!!
..:::..4/11, Tuesday..:::..
Hmmmm... One of my relatives passed away. Not really close to me wan... But i remember... Once when i was young, she came over as usual to look after us kids. She was supposed to fry eggs fer us. In the end, she cooked lyke dunno how many diff kinds of eggs, hard boiled eggs, black eggs, scrambled eggs, mashed eggs etc... all becos she doesn't know wad kind of fried eggs we wanted. XD Gd memories or the past... How i wish i've got a time machine... But well... Gonna attend her funeral tonite... Have to wear long pants... Dunno why, cos me no buddhist... *sigh* Lyke her death so sudden...
..:::..2/11, Sunday..:::..
Last nite i was watching The Young Kindaichi Files on Channel 8 at 10.45... Half-way through i slept and my father had to switch off the tv for me... At 1am+ i woke up...feeling VERY scared and terrified. For particularly no reason at all... Maybe itz because of The Blair Witch Project... I dunno lar... I keep thinking abt those creepy parts, then i almost wanted to scream... Then i got a sms frm Ronald. I was kinda scared to open the fone to see the msg cos i'm very scared a witch's face mite pop up suddenly on the screen... Was terrified. And i realised that i was sweating too lor... Cos i was wearing my jacket, and having two blankets on top of me. This is how scared i am... I've neva been so scared b4 after watching a horror movie lor... I muz admit The Blair Witch project is the scariest of all that i've watched... In the end cos i juz couldn't slp i went to my grandma's bed and asked to slp with her... I told her i wanted to slp with her cos the air-con very cold... So yar... Slept till morning to discover that my grandma was slping at my bed... feel kinda guilty... Guess I move too much liao, and took too much space liao... *sigh* Freaky movie...
..:::..30/10, Thursday..:::..
Today after sch went to Novena Square to get lunch with Kris, Lucille, Mich, Vick and Rach. Got Burger King's then went to Kris's hse. Watched The Blair Witch Project. It wasn't that scary when i watched it with them... But now that i'm at home... I am so totally freaked out and scared... Bathing that time looked arnd the bathroom... Couldn't bathe with ease. Somemore the water was icy cold... Lyke brrrrrr... My body felt really hot compared to the water lor... Was shivering... Then now i keep thinking abt the movie... SO SCARY!!! Aaaaaaaaa!!! I think i betta go liao. Tok abt the movie another time. I AM SO FREAKED OUT NOW I JUZ CANT TOK ABT IT!!! *whines*
..:::..29/10, Wednesday..:::..
Went to Grace's hse again with Mich and QiYi today after sch. Played with Max and watched Simone, a movie. Very nice. After the movie went to walk Max again. Very fun... Hehez. Actually tml planned to go to Escape with kris, Mich, Rach and Lucille, but guess wad? I checked the webbie and they say itz open only on weekends and sch hols. So dunno lar... Hope we are still going and itz still open. I really looked forward to it lor... *sigh* Got $15 frm Ping Kee to go Escape. To be divided among me, Kris and Mich. So yar... Ping Kee's a very nice guy... I am serious. ^_^
*sigh* And today i found out that my dad's got a 6100, the same model as Jas. But he doesn't wanna give it to me!!! Argh...!!! Now hez got a 7250i and a 6100. My mum got a Samsung fone, dunno wad model, think itz V200 or sth lar... I got a 6510 and my sis's got a 8250. So unfair horx... My dad's got the nicer fones... Haiz...
..:::..28/10, Tuesday..:::..
Today was a damn boring day... Felt darn lethargic. *sigh* Hate today. But after sch things started to brighten up.Went to Grace's hse. Was scared of Max as usual but well...
Watched Little Secrets. Itz kinda nice i guess... But keep getting distracted by Max. So scared of him. I very scared he'd lick or sniff me... Fear of these, so yar...Once he licked me, and i thought i accidently touched jelly... haha... Gave me a fright...
I think i acted damn silly today, being so scared of Max... In the evening, went to walk Max with Rach and Lucille and Grace. Had fun walking Max. Hez so cute... Somemore it feels nice to have him follow u arnd. Haha... Whatsmore, the weather very windy so yar... Very comfy.
Shall end here today. Have to go watch TV. Westside Story. So tata! The time now: 10.27pm.
..:::..27/10, Monday..:::..
Er... Sorry ppl, i'm loving myself again, i dun hate myself anymore... K, wad is the prob with me??? Have i destroyed my own brain and hormones??? Or my nerves...??? Sheesh... Mood swings, dun mind me ppl... *grins* Btw, today i went to Orchard. Spent most of the day at Stadium choosing stuffs to buy, Crystal Jade to eat and Giodano to buy new clothes. In the end i bought a Riders slippers at Stadium, bloated myself up at Crystal Jade and bought myself a pair of Khakis pants at Giodano. Sorry... Dun really know how to spell Giodano. Haha... Oppsie. Oh my gawd! Khakis!!! Wilbur's song!!! *everything flashes in my mind* Lyke WHOA!
..:::..26/10, Sunday..:::..
I HATE MYSELFI cant believe it. Things are changing fer the worst for me. Why the change? Wad did i do? Seriously. Wad did i do?! Why muz i feel this way? Why muz i be lyke that? Why muz i get rejected? Why do i feel rejected? Lyke wad the hell did i do? I dun wanna be rejected. It seriously sucks. I know everybody will feel wad i feel sumtimes but well... Probably i'm fussing abt these stuffs now cos this is probably the first few times i've felt lyke that? I seriously need sumbody to hug, sumbody to cry out to. Nobody's there. Nobody's close enuff for me to do these. Lyke help...? Whoz out there...to help? Again, i'm sorry everybody, sorry for EVERYTHING.
..:::..25/10, Saturday..:::..
Sigh... I think i am such a sucker, a loser, a lamer. I ain't even fitting into this world. Juz lyke an extra piece of jig-saw puzzle. When the whole puzzle's completed, me, the extra piece, will be left alone. Get wad i mean? I am not trying to make u ppl lyke try and help me fit or anything, definitely not trying to ask for sympathy either. This is really wad i feel. I am sorry if u dun lyke wad i am writing. I really am. Many different feelings are mixing up inside me. No, they are more lyke trying to mix, but juz cant, sumhow. I hope very soon these feelings will mix together to form happiness. I really miss being happy, although the last time i'm happy was lyke less than 1 hr ago. I really cant stand not being happy. I dun lyke wad i am feeling now. Maybe the reason i am feeling these is juz becos i cant communicate well. I hate myself for being lyke that. I communicate very badly. Should i juz become a loner? Maybe i'll feel happier that way, unlike now, where i get no response for my qns. I feel ignored, lyke left on the shelf? Why is this so? Maybe i really shuld be a loner. I guess i feel much happier being a person who always stares at nothing. Maybe u dun realise this but i really do kinda enjoy staring at nothing. Maybe itz becos i lurve wondering, thinking. I am sorry for being the way i am, for being such an arse. I am sorry for EVERYTHING. I truly am...
..:::..24/10, Friday..:::..
Erm... I'm lyke sorry i did not seem to be updating my blog for such a long time... Crap4you doesn't work anymore... Updated entries dun show up at all, instead they get deleted... I didn't know that, then i juz went to add entries... *sigh* I type so much but all gone liao... Oh well...
We had an outdoor activity during the leadership training course. First we went to Grace's hse. Max is soooooo cool and cute!!! Hez so tame lor... First time see dogs lyke that. HAd fun ordering it to sit and "down" ytd when i was at Grace's hse to bake cookies. Hehe... We found for sum stuffs then went to Toa Payoh central or sumthing lyke that... Hiya... Cant remember liao lar. All i can remember is the finding-the-SJI-badge-and-Nike-shoe part. Hehe...
At first we went to Toa Payoh Central to find for a SJI student so we culd get his badge. We found one alrite, but his badge was GIVEN to another team... For free lor, and we were gonna pay for it. When we told him this, he was lyke: "Oh... So i gave away my badge for nth? When actually i culd get paid for it???" Anyway, we sorta followed him, all 16 of us including the instructor. At first i thought we were stalking him cos he was lyke walking so fast??? I thought he didn't want to help us find a badge or sth. Haha...
Hez so sweet and nice lor... He took us to SJI, his sch, so we culd get the badge. When we reached that place, he was running and running damn fast, at least i think so lar... Me damn slow. He went into his sch to buy 2 badges, one for us and one for himself. When he came out sum of his frens were out too. One of them was lyke saying, " I thought you were a casanova(a man with many lovers) but this..." Then he started pointing at us lor... I shouted out: DONT GET THE WRONG IDEA!!! haha... After that we had to find a Nike shoe size 9... And he sorta offered to help us find it too... He ran into his sch to search for one but in the end he couldn't find any. Then he told us hez going to Tanglin to find for one. In the end he found a size 9 and half wan. He asked us whether it was okay and we said yes then he said he had to go back into the club to ask his fren for permission. Haha... And did i mention he had to climb over two fences too??? Hez so nice... helping us and all that. In the end we juz got the shoe frm Grace Chew's bro's fren. Then the SJI guy went with us to our sch the bus stop lor... So sweet... Awwwww.... And i felt really guilty... He did so much for us, all we did was to pay for the badge and said thank you. *sigh* Actually i wanted to ask for his fone number then call him out one day to give him a gift. I so sweet horx... But nobody supported my suggestion... In the end didn't ask, cos i dun really dare... Haha... Timid me. Guess everyone's worrying abt how to get back to sch on time. Oh well... But i feel really really guilty... I swear if i see him again i'll get his fone number. I will... If i dare lar... Hehe... Oppsie...?
Oh yea!!! I'll nv forget this day cos today is the first time i ever talked so much to a guy FACE TO FACE. Whoa... So proud of myself. hehe... Never forget today... The 23rd of October...
..:::..23/10, Thursday..:::..
Lyke last nite or this morning i was thinking abt how broke i was... That all my plans to go to Escape had been smashed and everything. Lyke my whole holiday destroyed liao, cos i got no money... *sigh... And somemore i wanna get Wilbur's and Jay's newest album... Most probably gonna spend more than $100 during the hols, not including meals. So problematic. Therez a solution to my problem though, that is to ask my dad for money. But i cant possibly ask him for much money... I'll feel SO guilty!!! Lyke extortion or lyke hez my bank or sumthing... *sigh* Then i thought of finding a job. XDDD K... This is such a matured thinking. And i doubt i'd wanna WORK. Cos most probably i'd be working at a fastfood restaurant lor... Kinda embarrassing huh...? And lyke the pay's only $5 per hr??? Work so long get so little. I tell you i can spend $5 in less than an hr. Damn not worth it. Anyway, i doubt my auntie or mother or dad will approve of it. They'll probably juz ask me to not buy those stuffs or go Escape. Or maybe they'll juz gimme the money. Haha... So yar... I cant get so much money frm dad, neither can i work. Then i thought of sumthing else. THE YOUNG ENTREPRENEURSHIP COMPETITION!!! Hehe... I hope we'll earn lotsa money, then can get sum of the money to pay for those stuffs i want.*giggles* But maybe juz try and save money for the time being. Lyke ask my dad for $5 everyday. I'm gd at making excuses... This way i wont feel so guilty, neither will he realise i've taken so much money frm him. Haha... K... I'm getting evil. *sigh*
..:::..18/10, Saturday..:::..
Today's chinese paper was kinda average i guess. After sch went out with Grace Chee, Kris and Mich to orchard to take neoprints. Didn't turn out very well though... After that went to Pasir Ris to meet Rach, Lucille, Nicole and Lydia. After not more than lyke 15min left the place to Orchard...again. Actually the plan was to go Pasir Ris Park to play on the beach or sumthing lyke that. Lucille and company even got the titbits ready lor... I actually looked forward to it. Then the
DAMNED rain had to come and all plans r spoiled. STUPID RAIN!!! Aaaaaa!!! And Kris thinks itz all her fault... But no, i seriously think itz all the rain's fault! Kris!!! DUN BE SAD OR GUILTY. U DIDNT RUIN MY DAY! SERIOUSLY! In fact, u made me realise wad a gd fren u are. ^-^ I LURVE U KRIS!!!As a fren lar, *HUGGIES!!!* Oppsie, i mean as a bez bez bez fren. Xie xie ni!!!
..:::..17/10, Friday..:::..
Hmmmm... Not really done with my blog's layout... Juz not in the mood to do it. So yep... Had the Maths Final Year Exam today... Part one was horrible... So difficult. Need to think really hard and long for most of the sums. In the end i didn't even manage to finish the paper!!! Argh... Think i'm gonna fail for this paper. The second part was much simple... Haha... Can use calculator summore... Luckily... Cos at the end i was rushing for the last sum... Qns 9. Finish writing out the number statement, but juz havent calculate the ans yet Ms Indran ask us to stop writing and put down our pens... So sad... But luckily got calculator mah... I hurry calculate the ans then scribbled the ans on the paper. And VOILA! I no need to minus one mark liao!!! Oh yea, guess wad? I had my chinese dict under my desk all the while i was doing my maths papers!!! *sigh* Luckily Ms Indran juz took it frm under my desk to put it on the teacher's desk. Hehe... And never fail me. *phew*
Death
What if i were to leave this world one day...
And never got the chance to say
Ever again that i wanna be with you
Forever and ever juz you and me?
Will you ever know of my love for you
And how far i've gone juz for the sake of you?
Would you ever be grateful
For me ever so faithful?
Oh, the times i'd wish you're mine
And all juz seems so fine
Juz the two of us,
Strolling side by side
Under the moonlit night
Juz you and me
You'll stare into my eyes
And i'll stare into yours
Oh, what a lovely night we'll have
But now it all seems impossible
For all i am a dead person
Oh, rest in peace
In loving memory, of ME
..:::..16/10, Thursday..:::..
Hmmmm... Finally can blog! Past few days i dunno why but i cant. So yupp... The exams have started... Slept at lyke 1+ this morning. *sigh...* Dunno why but i still feeling so peppy. hehe... Maybe i've eaten sum Stimulators without knowing... *giggles* Science today was GREAT. I've estimated. The lowest mark i culd ever get in this sci paper is 67%, and THAT is a B3. Not bad... And it actually indirectly means i'll get an A!!! YAY! \(^-^)/ And i hope i can beat QiYi... *smiles slyly* But again, shez clever, so i ain't sure... after Sci got Chinese Paper 1. I tell you i am kinda bad at writing chinese stories... I think QiYi will score better then me. I think i wrote crap... I wrote qns 5, the continue-the-story part. I wrote abt an April Fool's joke lor... *sigh* Damn crappy. I dun care liao. QiYi can win me. I've no confidence in getting an A for this. Seriously.
After the Chinese paper went to Far East Plaza with Mich and Krystle. Far East became a Young-ppl's paradise liao lor... Juz knew this... Last time it was a boring old place for old ppl... *oppsie* But yea... Ate at Burger King's, then went to take Neoprints. LURVE THE NEOPRINT MACHINES!!! So cool wan... Use two machines. The first wan was kinda nice... Can colour ur own background etc etc... Then the sec wan WAS A BRAND NEW TYPE!!! Itz lyke a model studio or sumthing... Then they give u directions on how to pose... SO COOL!!! Lurve this machine!!! Both machines cost $8 each. Today i spent lyke... er...$9.80. Yar, that's how much i spent...Bye... gtg!
..:::..13/10, Monday..:::..