"When I was a child, war was an abstract idea. Something that happened in a faraway place. Then war came to my home, and I became a part of it"
I really like that line. It was taken from Ace Combat: Distant Thunder, which I am borrowing. I really would like to commend Namco on their efforts. The game is really good. But I am not going to go into that.
Over the last few weeks I have been working many, many nights. The worst was about four in the morning. The upside to all this is that I do get paid, but unfortunately my first pay check is maintenance to my old mistress the video game industry, what with Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy VI, and Sonic Advance all on the horizon. Oh well. At least that will satiate my hunger for some time, as well as my wallet.
A quick rundown of last weekend?
Friday – Went to Robert’s place and left my wallet there, rendering my spending and busing powers useless to this very day, as well as leaving me devoid of keys to house, home and work. I also happily went solo to the opening of the Tibetan Mandala ceremony at the Aotea Centre, I will definitely be going back, even though I am confused at the moment over Tibet’s right to freedom after talking to a persuasive gay Chinese man who is sharing my bed at the moment with his partner. Try saying all of that in one breath. And stick it to Microsoft Word! You are not getting a long sentence correction out of me! Alcohol and vomit ahoy as we move into the "let’s drink cause we have nothing better to do" category. Thankfully I have a guardian angel of a subconscious that got me safely in bed that night, albeit not mine, without any vomit on anything except the floor.
Saturday – whilst not feeling top of the world I attended Elizabeth and Marc’s (or should I say Martin?) wedding in my Hakama. After the previous night the idea of alcohol certainly did not appeal to me. Too bad it did to everyone else at the wedding. Well actually weddings are designed for drinking. Just not as a second night of excess in a row. I danced the night away and chatted to people I hadn’t seen in four years or more, as well as those beautiful but omnipresent Zambesi girls which boost my ego. I did get invited twice after all, once with each of my pair of parents. The bride and groom knew them all from different things, so my brother and I ended up knowing more people at the wedding than anyone else. Anyway that night concluded after safely going to wedding site, then home, then the couple’s house then home again.
Sunday – had me without ANY clean clothes. I went…’commando’ in grass stained shorts.
Anyway, I worked and trained at work from about two in the afternoon until one forty five in the morning. Both ways I wore my brother’s dressing gown walking through the back streets of Westmere…and Richmond Road. My drawing is slowly getting better, but I am still without anything to practice copying.
Today had me doing very little. I went to Matt’s. I also went to Kendo and did some nice cuts. Preparing for that grading on Saturday. I have a sort of sweet dread about it. I need to do it to finish doing Kendo, but I really do not want to go…but I will. I also began to watch monkey today. I had a great dream in that weekend.
Tomorrow I will go to JP’s place for some rounds (You can guess of what, but I’d tell you that you were wrong, so don’t jump to conclusions) with the ever wagging Ben Sulkirk. He has wagged so much he has been taken off the roll. What a cool guy? Then I have work in the evening. What a way to spend some of my last free evenings.
This weekend, and end of week, there is so much I want to do, so call on me if you want to do something. Preferably to do in the mornings, because I am the only person awake early in the morning with free time to my knowledge, and it frustrates me so.
Well, it is my birthday, and I guess I should do the mandatory present list…*sigh*…
- O.K. well first of al I go a rain-cheque from my mum because I asked for it. My dad refused to do a similar thing.
- Assorted Japanese treats from my brother. I could tell you what they are called but I cannot be bothered.
- $250 in book vouchers from my grandad, though as much as I’d like to spend them on Manga and CDs, I think they are for my uni text books. Oh vell.
- A PlayStation2 memory card. I don’t actually have the console, but I’ll still need the memory card for when I borrow Final Fantasy X/ Kingdom Hearts. That was from my Dad, I also got some Koalas from him. You know the Ones.
Well there you have it. And I still haven’t seen all of my immediate family today! And then there are the hundreds of relatives! Oh my! I am sure I’ll get plenty of chocolate and obligatory boxer shorts.
Yesterday I went to celebrate Dougal’s birthday at Mission Bay. It was thoroughly enjoyable, what with all the Hackey Sack, Softball/Bat Down, Soccer, Rugby and swimming. There was also a barbecue. Unfortunately only a portion of the four kilograms of Turkish Delight that Dougal’s family recently ordered was there. At the end of it all we returned to Dougal’s and after what seemed like hours of loitering we went in with our numbers halved to watch ‘The Big Hit’. Good old reliable rock steady Jarod gave me a ride home to my Dad’s in Westmere. What a guy! And by that time it was my birthday.
Everyone please send my ‘txt’ messages or ring me, because Ralph took my cellphone out of my bag yesterday thinking it was his, and now I don’t know who has it. This could have sexy results!
Going to Daikoku tonight. Quay street, it has been a while. PRECISELY four years! Alright. I’ll see you all at anime tomorrow night then?
JA!
17!
XVII!
(funnily enough I was told I looked twenty last night).
Oh and thank you Fergus!
I was meant to be a member of Pierrot! I'm not too wild, but not too bland, either -- just the right mix of both, and a well-kept secret.
She was a rock’n’roll snowboard star…
I think I would like to be one too…if I am not one already.
So it is my birthday on Monday. The eighteenth of February. I wonder if many people will remember this year. Yet again I shall not by indulging in flamboyant celebrations. Why? I am not really sure. Something to do with having no where to hold a large birthday bash, and this year, I just don’t feel like it. If there is something I yearned for this year more than anything, it was to retain some of the innocence of childhood. I was thinking back to those inaugural and parting speeches they give to you at Primary and Intermediate schools, and how they say you should cherish them because you will remember them as the best time of your lives. I didn’t believe that at the time, but upon reflection, well, I miss the carefree lifestyle. It wasn’t the schools so much as life before adolescence was easier and more fun. In out teens, well puberty comes along and warps our minds. So often I wish I were naïve like the days of old. But it is one big catch twenty-two, because without adolescence we would understand so much that we are attached to now. I read more into things: movies, books, games, even music. And it is that attachment which stops innocence returning. Maybe this whole concept is a figure of my imagination. So then, childhood, when seen in post adolescence has a somewhat romantic element to it- for most everyone childhood memories have some sort of a positive connotation to them. It is this sort of thing that probably leads to the stereotype of old men talking about the good old days.
In this way I want to look at my birthday. With some sort of nostalgic atmosphere I might be able to glance my old self again. I know it is there because sometimes when I am listening to a song (This is most frequently experienced for me with Björk’s first two albums, Portishead and Massive attack) I get that sense of security and underground that the mid nineties was for me. I guess you could say they were my golden years. So on my birthday I aim to recapture those feelings by doing things which hold for me the connotation of those years. It will be hard work regaining that feeling, especially as almost all the ties between now and then have been severed. It is too much to go into really. If you watch Being John Malkovich, there is an image in that film which conveys to me everything I have just described, but I won’t say what it is for the liberty of those who haven’t seen it.
Isn’t it bizarre how when we are small we want to be bigger, and when we are big we want to be smaller? I talk about doing all these things to find my youth again, whilst at the same time I contradict myself by starting university early, getting an adult-type job, and to top it off, this week I aim to get my learners licence (finally). So, you could argue everything I have just said is contradictory. I would then argue back that I am trying to finish everything quickly to pursue youth. Perhaps living in a flat situation once more would get back the feeling of those flats I used to live in, waking up to the bustle of traffic, a stone’s throw from K’ Road, Ponsonby Road and Victoria Park market. Is it a feeling that only I get? Who could sympathise with me? The only place apart from my house where I ever got the same feelings was at Michael’s mother’s place, and it doesn’t look like I am there much. A pretentious way of saying all this could be that I am chasing something that isn’t there. Only it is there, and I will find it.
Strange things are happening in the land of Finn. Or perhaps not.
So, Robert is back, has been back for nearly a week now. This is a very good thing. Good for you to, because he probably aids my sanity and wellbeing. I can’t believe I will be seventeen in a matter of days. Subconsciously I am celebrating. I started to clean my room. Was it coincidence that I had the urge to clean out my room just before my birthday? Who knows. But Having my birthday so near whilst going through my past is kind of nice because it gives me a reflection on who I am. The hardest thing in the world is throwing away things in your room. For me anyway.
In the past few days I have relieved my room of four and a half bags of rubbish/memories. Almost all of my first, second, third, fifth and sixth form years are now sitting in rubbish sacks. I think it is healthy in a way to rid myself of this stuff. To create a new me, first I have to fight back the old me. The same old clichés about turning over a new leaf and making a fresh start. After all, University is the perfect opportunity. The strangest thing I have found so far tends to be old letters, postcards and the like and even the occasional love note. Yes, love note. Little poems, prose, amongst other stuff I used to write, kind of in the manner Helga does for Arnold in ‘Hey Arnold!’ In a way it is a shame I stopped writing that sort of stuff back when I was thirteen. While most of it was cheesy, some of my writing was really nice. I still threw it away. I am trying to throw away as much as possible so my mind has to work more to retain everything. The stuff which I am keeping is generally stuff which defined its year, or event. For example, there were two scrapbooks I made last time I was Japan which kind of sum me up at that time. Anyway soon I hope to have a new, tidy room.
In other news, well there isn’t anything much. I have a grading for Kendo on the second of March. Once I get my Sho Dan I won’t be going back. For the new me, I’ll be leaving Kendo behind too. Another reflection upon how I have grown was made in how my Dad and I were evenly matched in table tennis last night. It just showed me how much I have improved physically. Of course all the old photos I found of myself prove that too. I went to the first lesson of the year tonight. Today I also finished Animal Farm. Everyone should read that book, especially if you know anything about communism.
Who can help me…I want to find an old au pair of mine that lives in Japan called Yuki. I think she might live somewhere around Tokyo. Does anyone know if there is a directory I could try to find her with, because I haven’t had any contact with her for about nine years and I want to catch up.
Lovely…