¡Viva La Revolution!

>Shining star in a dark vessel<
Today...was...a...bad...day. and no, i cannot be bothered explaining the deleted entry. I stayed home sick and no longer rule. at least not in the sense that ghandi does. that won't mean anything to anyone except maybe tim. however tim, i am going to endeavour on the same mission to beat that record again.
So yes, mentally a bad day, and really bad physical as well, to an extent. Anyway, i am happy for the future, but not for the distant future, for the immeadiate future and the distant future will be filled with happy days. i hope...
i arose from my chamber at 12, after reading a childrens encyclopedia and an old 'The Face' magazine. i was not particularly good. I then got over myself, and watched eight episodes of neon genesis evangelion (the first eight, so don't go spoiling it for me!). It is very cool, but reminds of of japan so much, i was kind of sad. and i have agonising how i may have ruined something good in japan by being over anxious...a reason i am sad. i also think it is the looming plan of uni next year. it will be good, but also stressful, and if i don't do it now, i don't think i'd be able to do it at the end of next year either. i hate having responsibilities. i can't wait to travel.
how would solitude be? sad and full of deep lonliness i think. but i wish i had friends here...i just feel like i have no real friends here, no one who would be there unconditionally for me. i don't mean to criticise what friends i do have here, but would you cry for me? i don't think you would. maybe i need to much. but i just keep having these thoughts in my head of being without friends and feeling miserable. i hope they pass, it might just be the weather. i will be better in the spring i promise, i promise you! i need a family realtionship, like a brother here, maybe that is what i need, an older sibling.
I am way too idealistic. by the wayy jonny, your astrological thing is correct infinitely, i was so suprised!
i might skip school tomorrow i am not decided. hmmm. i want this weekend, this spring, to signify a change in my outset on life.
what means more to me? material or spiritual belief, i think i have to work that out for myself.
>I want to adourn the stars<

>Lasciate ogni speranza voi, ch'entrate<
FUCK...i just wrote a uge entry. it built up slow and turned into a self depression pice involving me being sick. and also my confidence problems. FUCK. i cant write all that again. FUCKFUCKFUCK! oh well. quickly now then.
anime-many people, good, missed episode though so angry. i wore mesh. yay.
Work-till 2am last night, walk through grey lynn at this time in mesh.
Today-depressing, tired.
Afterschool-university discussion, i think i know the courses and subjects i will take now.
won't go to school tomorrow, i need to get over this anxiety. and my sinus problem possibly related to last nights walk.
FUCK i am pissed off i lost that entry, it was really long and well written, i described my anxiety perfectly. Anyway, i am also depressed because of a certain incident in Japan which NOONE knows about and i am unlikely to tell anyone of...
well, i think i will describe my problem again, because it kind of explains my depression today as well. i get incredibly nervous. i cannot say or write what is on the tip of my toungue or the end of my fingers because i don't believe in my mind i can commit to my beliefs. so the prospect of going to a place where i am surviving on my own academic merits is scary, however, if i don't do it now, i won't be able to do it at the end of next year either, so i wanna go for it. But my confidence is not good. i worry too much about the future, everything i do could affect my future self so much, i don't want to hurt him, take away his joy. but if i don't i will never be satisfied, i felt empty again today. i feel like a part of me is missing. i felt detached from the world, but i guess that is a good way to be sometimes...
so, i am feeling sick today, i prolly won't be at school tomorrow. I think if i am sick tomorrow i will write the events of tuesday evening again and today, but in more detail. i am sure you would all love that wouldn't you? you people who have provided me with nearly 700 hits!
>i am NOT mechanical, thouh sometimes it seems that way<

>Il chante en monotone parce qu'il est mécanique<
now just to summarise...this entry is set to the soundtrack of the The Thieving Magpie (abridged). so if you have it, listen to it while you read.
I shall get on with things, ok? monday was good and worrisome. i had so much to do...oh i am lucky too, it turns out my history assignment isn't due till thursday week. following an obseesion with ska i performed, if i may use that term, to my french class...as a reslut everyone thinks i am on something. well i am not! i was amused largely at the expense of the history department. the teachers all dressed up to encourage interest in history after dwindling numbers. we saw...mr. lincoln as a conquistador, mr mcivor as pirate/sailor/sea captain, mr watson as theodore roosevelt, my woodward as an english peasant, my teacher as the soviet comrade zhukov complete with communist soldier uniform, and my personal favorite, black sabbath jammin sudlow as a puritan! oh and there is something slightly bemusing about teachers telling you off when they are male and in stockings (which were really pantyhose, i just know it, i am sure they too love the sensation against their legs!).
so i get home, drastically try to make it clear i am not going to film club, and also make a laser copy for my speech. i go to dinner at my dads, as a farewell dinner for my auntie going back to the UK. you can just picture us, paternal grandfather, auntie, dad, step mum, mum, her partner, my half brother to neither of the woman there, and my brother and i. strangley enough everyone gets along peachy! i had to write my speech however, and when i did beau kept sitting on me and asking me questions such as 'are you stupid?' and 'why are you useless?', and when i finally got a chance to ring/icq my friends, i was followed by beau, and after persisting to stay even after i yelled and yelled at him, i lost my cool and thrust my fist into his solar plexis, resulting in a crying brothet who couldn't breathe. oh dear. at first i tried to comfort him, but then realised he actually did deserve it and needed to be taught a lesson, and i ignored him.
needless to say, after that drama, beau didn't rear his head from his room again until we left. i call it tough love. and no, i am not going to justify myself any further.
What else. oh yes three things, my dad was in otara and bought me the hirt i am proudly wearing which is made of nylon mesh. after receiving that i proudly displayed my nipples to my family and rubbed them in a suggestive manner. enough said. Also, my brother knows a scary pagan who caan make it rain on command. oh, and i found out about a song called 'you've got foetus on your breath' by 'halo flamin'. unfortunatly i havn't been able to listen to this musical masterpiece yet.
onward? i think so. today was cold. until the afternoon. i did my speech, and may have done well i think. i was a terible speaker though. i usually am. however i beat ollie wards, whose speech was probably better and included video footage of him in a black cocktail dress and wig. I have also been diagnosed with a art history ten minute seminar to do next week. just what i need. another speech.
the rest of the day was uneventful. I was just glad that i was able to incorporate the music of clockwork orange in my speech as well as ska. hurrah! william tell overture now. i typed hey six times right now.
well sitting here in my glorious mesh i realise i can't wear it for ages even though it was a gift, because everyone would say i was copying tim. apparently i copy everything he does, even when i do it first. oh and my history teacher frowned upon my idea to do a history assignment ala bill and ted's excellent adventure. oh well.
anyway, i am happy. i feel liberated of work for a while. however lots to do this weekend. the henna is still strong on my hand too. tonight there is anime and then more work at dads, and then more work tomorrow night as well. hurrah!
however, i have lost my wallet, so if that makes anyone feel better, you can think of that, until i find it, it has $10 and film club ticket inside too...
>I'm in the mood for a wee bit of ultra violence<

>You make it easy to watch the world with awe<
So, today sunday, the first day of the week, the holy day, i wish it were sunday, only the one in the near distant future instead of the one i had today. It was good, today. I am not saying i didn't enjoy it. more that i won't enjoy this week, and therefore to be jumped into the future would be nice. However calamity cannot be avoided. In any case, i will still live!
so this morning woke up, and attempted to write my english speech. wrote down about a page and a half on the angry young men. it took awhile though with my constant procrastinating, i reinforced the henna dye on my hand, and pretended phone nooks were my shoes as i walked around the house. This is all my and nina really did (she was more civilised than i for the record, ie, no phonebooks on her feet) this morning, and listen to music. Air is cool, and i still love ska!
'let the sunshine in' was played so we opened the curtains, and to our dismay all our chalk efforts were washed away...we cried, and then at about 2 30pm my dad piced us up and we went to my cousin's birthday party. these are the cousins named ajax and achilles, and they were turning five. i showed many of my cousins, including hector (notice a trend anyone?) samba de amigo, and also got the attention of many adults with my vibrant shaking.
After that blissful family outing, and the horrible realisation that i have only grown a few centimatres taller in the last year...body growth is slowing down, i went to my work again, where i did five hours of grueling menial labour. i think ill explain here the trap i fell in. See, digitising is easy, ad rather than hire some burgeoning media student, my dads company hired me, and now, have decided to rope me into doing the cleaning for the four storey offices every week, for no additional pay. boo! serious boo! so after the non stop work for five hours, i got a taxi home, this is about 9 50pm by now, and i had the slowest taxi driver in the world! 40km an hour the whole way on empty roads. ahhhh! anyway home now, and lest i forget anything, i will be amazing! give it to me one time - hah! give it to me two times - hah hah!
thats right...i did...busy week ahead...english speech...history assignment...aunt leaving wednesday...film club...anime club...and more exciting business. damn! oh and this may be exciting to some of you, beau got his hair cut.
>I'm in the mood for love<

>colluding, alluding, and maybe concluding<
I'ts saturday night and i like the way you move...well actually, there is little movement. I have done nothing all day really, except 'chill' with nina. nina's friend kim came over and we bought red-henna dye. After much henna recipe deducing, we culminated a mix of lemon juice, strong coffee and strange henna powder. As a result of the henna, we have red stains up and down our arms. apparently they last anywhere between 1 and 8 weeks, so you may or may not see them.
I shall explain my situation. nina's parents are gone in sydney so i am here to help her look after the house. we have 60 dollars, about half spent now, to last us the weekend. I shall breakdown yesterday to now, because i don't think i did that yet.
the day before saturday and after thursday...did nothing at all really. i didn't even go out. i probably would have had matt called me back...'glares at matt through the monitor'...so instead i stayed at home procrastinating doing any work i had to do, and instead playing sonic adventure 2 until we left for nina's. Once at nina's, she and i cooked dinner and listened to groovy music! ill analyse our meal for all of you...cooked crepes, we put stella artois in because apparently beer makes the mixture lighter...strange, but it seemed to work. we bought some expensive organic goat cheese and got some spinach and mashed it together, and got a four bean salad. with these we made little parcels. 'twas filling indeed. but we still had a desert involving rhubarb, chocolate, sultanas, custard and espresso movenpick. It was also good, and anything we didn't eat was breakfast this morning along with some bread from a breadmaker.
I am going to say it now...ska music is very very cool. i have always liked it, but i didn't know what ska was, so for the first time i was able to match the sound to the movement. Oh and you have all heard ska before, i would bet my life on it. iggy pop is also cool yet again. he is my hero one might even say, or he is one of the illustrious many that make up the band of rogues and vagabonds i respect.
So now, oh right, i also watched a film called dream team about mental patients, it had michael keaton and ron silver in it and i think it is from the eighties.
AHHHHH....english and history assignments due this week and i havn't really begun at all. UH OH! and now it looks as if i will have to work tomorrow...which is good but i need more time to do other stuff. but in any case i am very busy and am still going to film club on monday, so i will be very very rushed. bt once this week is over no more hassle until next term, not hassle of any great threat or prepartion anyway.
i am preparing to get fast food soon for dinner, we can't be bothered cooking tonight, but i refuse to go to a globalised market, so we shall venture to a takeaway shop of yore. For desert...i don't know tonight yet and i am sad...well not really, just anxious!
The new zelda game looks cool!
Well i think that is all for now...oh something else vaguely entertaining, we chalked all over nina's house quotes and languages ranging from latin to maori and japanese, with various romance and germanic languages also, and made people stare at the footpath.
anyway i think i shall leave this virtual world that i do not call my home.
>Robespierre-l'hippopotame peut se changer en perroquet<

>I suffer the dreams of a world gone mad<
This page is lying to you all, it is claiming that the most recent entry was posted on monday. It was tuesday. tuesday i tell you!
Assez! enough! I have two days' tales to tell!
well...actually they were essentially uneventful, but that is not going to prevent me from blowing it all out. Anyway, as the story goes, it began on wednesday morning...it was a nice day. It really was. and i can't remember why. it just was. it was lazy and slack. even staying in at french for a little of lunchtime didn't phase me. right now i am happy and content. It is so weird. I havn't felt like this in a while, contentness is bliss! Anyway, the cruise of school went on and lies and deception did not rear their ugly heads. only their beautiful ones. good. The flowers are back! and i didn't know where they had gone...
After school, we finished 15 minutes early, i walked home to my place via tim's (gray[mor-hor!]) route to his dads, which involved some crazy driving, a crazy woman who stalked us, a ver muddy field and brightly patterned roadworks. but we weren't scared. we were on a bear hunt. alternatly we were not...Anyway, back to the real events of the afternoon. After arriving home, i slacked around by beginning work on my private journal, the one you probably won't get to see, unless you ask me, but that offer lasts a limited time until it consists of actual thoughts, when it will be most private. At the moment it consists of jibberish, phrases, paint, pva, collage, my french speech and a final fantasy picture all cut up, sketches and newsprint.
At some point i was picked up and after much deliberation met up with my party members for the excursion to ¡Viva Verdi! It was trés fantastico! the lights and the costumes and the sets were all cool! ORIGINAL! And all of the creme de la creme of society were there! the pm and richard prebble's brother! i told you the creme de la creme were there! Apres ca, we went for desert in point chevaliER (shev-a-li-eh). YUM!
After dropping people off, including my aunty ingrid and my grandad and nina, i went home and wrote jibberish and then slept in a daze like state. sleep well, dream well, little one...
JEUDI...the day for the king...or not...anyway...i woke up and played dreamcast and then hurried to my mothers by about 9am. i had the day off and after pissing around for a while and showering and ringing tim to find out if we were or were not going to town and uni, which i didn't resolve until alot later anyway, i went to gamezones new shop, gameplanet, on dominion rd with my bro, and i went there later in the day with tim too.
came back, my mum went out and i went online to find no one there, matt wouldn't talk to me and i was sad...but then my aunt came around and my brother and i disgraced our family with irreverant acts involving ice cubes, messy food and striking poses and crazy dances, stroking and falling over...needless to say we were in very giggly stupid moods. It has been referred to by others, and no doubt you have seen it in my brother, it doesn't come out of me so easily, but as i was saying some call it ecstasy in our veins...don't ask me how it got there, but it accounts for our constant energy overloads!
I went to town after actually being the angriest i have been for a while, i was embodied by mr furious i think, when my brother wouldn't leave me alone and i was yelling and screaming at him ad he was persistant and caled violence into play...but it was eventually the yelling that got things sorted.
Went to town with tim, after many pointless walking times we found a place with brochures and we got some, then tim showed me wendys and i ate some of his frys but bought nada for myself, then i showed tim the intimidating asian bookstores in town, you cannot begin to comprehend how intimidating K2 is.
Went back, bus trip had many scary aggs girls. i forgot people had school today. At home i was b-o-r-e-d. i am attempting to change my e mail. i am sick of microsoft and hotmail and bill gates and all their empty promises! so much FUCKING junk mail, and why are my anime club messages filtered into junk mail? AH! anyway, i don't know the password for the address i want to use at ihug but i have it set up, and consequently can only check it when i am playing sonic adventure 2 on my dreamcast and i connect to the internet through there. Anyway the address is finndr@ihug.co.nz. But before you start sending me your crazy messages, allow me to enlighten myself as to what the password is. I must ring ihug...tsk.
Went to work for what i thought would be six hours, but it only took me four, that means i have worked ten hours this week, and at $8 an hour, with 20% tax which i get back at the end of the year i am very happy! the source for my newly acquired contentment? peut-etre, mais, it could be deeper, i wonder why?
Anyway, got home about ten, now listening to the most excellent and bodacious soundtrack to 'A life less ordinary', also a very cool film. I worked on my book again this evening. It is now very late and am discussing life issues with jean pierre and fergus...ganbatte! watashi mo!
I also obtained photos recently from a certain matthew elgar's house a couple of weeks back that feature a colourful cast of characters with the likes of kris, matt, tim, jonny, tristan, robert, andrew, michael, laura, scarlett, kiri, isla, ralph, brett, shan-non, dougal and many more. none of me that night, however there is one of me and it looks like i am falling from every angle...oooOOOooo!
On the 'morrow, as of yet i still have no plans, but i hope to work on my english assignment, a speech in the movement of the angry young men, i thought it too ambitious at first, but after realising i can incorporate johnny rotten and 'a wee bit of ultra violence' (raise your hand if you recognise the quote because i will shower you with gifts!), it will now be a joyous affair!
I am going to nina's tomorrow for the weekend, so if you need to urgently contact me e-mail me, or ring me tomorrow. i will probably be playing bebe-foot. I am dissapointed in all of you. i think. every single one of you. i did not go to the pictures. boo! i want to go to the pictures! the cinema! the silver screen! oh well, i will just rot like that poor skeleton lying on queen street. or i could go to the obliette. does it make a difference to those ignorant among you? i don't think so!
Oh i also have a renewed faith in sony and their playstation 2. Devil may cry looks very cool. gothic demon killing with a red suit and silver hair? gotta love it! Anyway...i am sure i have raved on or long enough...just when will i stop? i don't know. here i will, now!


Tricky...right? i wanna write for another ten minutes so i can say this journal entry took an hour to write!
that is something else...i was disapointed upon entering gameparadise this afternoon. i had hoped to see the topless flashing asian girls on the print card thing, but alas, they were gone. I really need to make time to be topless. or wear a tank-top so it seems revealing for me to be topless. a crack was made at my expense in classics, but i don't think it was funny, because i would do it if i knew i were to receive another year unto my youth. Apparently, according to my teacher, the only requirement to go to eggs is that one conforms with the dress code. i would wear a dress and go there. and when i said that i sensed a social experiment coming along, everyone started to make jokes about me wearing woman's clothing...unbeknownst to them, and had they been reading my journal avidly, they would know that i have indeed worn woman's clothing. it would probably disgust them...good! i don't want to be anything like them. i must be a 'faggot'! We are only similar in genetalia, although they would probably contest to that, and school, and at our school we are spoonfed academically aparently. they want that. i don't. i yearn to be an individual. i yearn to be unique!
I have to watch all that neon genesis evangelion! i don't have the time. boo!
Before i go i am going to tell you about a scientist in england in the 60's. He wore a dress (great minds think alike), and a shopping basket on his head, and had his children arranged from tallest to shortest on a piece of string trailing behind him! woohoo!
This entry has now officially taken me an hour to write. hurrah! 'i have nothing to declare but my genius' (oscar wilde). Although i have exhausted many of my party anecdotes. I am now faced with a challenge to obtain more witty and obscure banter! onward! stop.
>If I can't prove I am alive is it the same as dead?<

>Anata-tachi no lovu lovu desu<
My day is still good, i am listening to l'arc~en~ciel, a japanese pop band (if you heard them anywhere it would be the second song on the credits for the final fantasy movie, i have their album). I like them alot, especially stay away.
I did work this evening, this time only one of the two people was really that pathetic, a fat ugly nympho woman who meets men, even married ones, off the internet and sleeps with them, 30 different ones in the last year at least she says, watching it you feel like throwing up. Lucky for you it isn't your job, and if you happen to see the program, currently slated for oct/nov or even next year, most of the sickening stuff will be cut. However for the most part my job is easy and enjoyable, and i get name recognition. I still don't know if i will get listed in the credits. The people involved include an editor who is the spouse of 3news john campbell, my step mum dressed her for her wedding.
As my late dinner i impressed myself with my own culinary talents, whipping up a panini with baked beans, fried aubergine, mozzarella, turkey, salami, assorted pretentious salads, and to top it off, i shoved in two toothpicks onto which i put black olives which i pitted and stuffed with caper berries. yum!
I am looking foward to Viva Verdi tomorrow night, i havn't had an opera experience for quite a long time. It shall be fun. What are peoples plans for the thursday and friday? i have to go to uni on one of those days but that is all i have planned. contact me, i want to see a movie, blow, but i am willing to sink to a low like a knights tale or bridget jones diary in order to conform to the masses. so i would like to see a film this thursday night or friday morning...
I can't believe how good my day has been, this is the most content and satisfied i have been in a long time, maybe it is the satisfaction in finally having a job, so that is another void filled. I wish i could feel fulfilled every day, it would be truly grand.
>All last week<

>Ten thousand times ten thousand and thousands of thousands<
I am at a cross roads, do i take the ivory gate or the one of horn? i don't know...
But i still rejoice at the suprisingly small amount of angst that appeared to be in our midst at school today. School was actually quite good today and i am in a good mood, i have no homework as such, and am going to do some paid work tonight digitising idiots.
I was going to write something about organising priorities, but have decided against the on the basis that i don't particularly feel like it, ad i really don't think i do. Not much else to say...i hope to rainbows end on thursday or friday, but am now thinking against it seeing as it costs $32, excluding food and transport. I think i will just go to the university to get information, perhaps emaciate at a swimmming pool, and perhaps go to see a movie, i love mid term breaks! i got it good, and now i realise i get to go to the opera tomorrow night! hurrah!
I am also happy because the end of my school work courses is aproaching, and my personal life and professional life are on a high, reardless of what people say, i am feeling good, and no one can tell me how i feel, and with that mentality i think i will have a good rest of year, hopefuly resulting in a fun new year! Happy new year!
>Back from whence you came<

>All's well that ends well<
This morning, unfortunatly, was not a prelude of what this week has to offer. It was fun, in the museum, and interesting, and very very easy to make jokes about my history teacher looking similar to satan. I also would like to sustain the point that i think i could watch geckos for hours on end.
Than came lunchtime at school, where, colloquially speaking, the shit started to hit the fan. Confrontations about my journal were aplenty, and unjustified, malicious and pathetic. I believe i have the right to express my opinion, and to express it how i want it to be. Yes i agree that i am melodramatic online, but it doesn't make me a liar. And if anyone ELSE thinks that i am writing in a bad way, i will change how i write to be more monotonous and drab and uninteresting, so that it isn't impressive and people won't want to read it.
After several periods i went home with matt and kris, and andrew speare. At home i was reunited with my mother after she arrived back from sydney, she had a good time. XD=)!
Anyway i proceded to go to icq. argued. went to kendo. came back and watched fraser and here i am.
Oh and any males from school reading my journal approach me, i have a question for you.
Something i want to note - my english teacher looks like the sado-masochist in the paranoid android videoclip.
>I think it is time to take blessed ignorance<

>Grateful Days<
I am gonna break it down to you, old school...my faith is reinstated in whakapapa! haha!
We went down to Taupo with Nina and Tim (duhamel, not gray) and Margo and Olivier, it was very fun. I had to eat fast food at Burger King on friday night though...shudder. We had many a long discussion, although i cannot remember what about once at the bach place on the friday night. On saturday we rose at a grand hour to go to the mountain. After painfully changing, and an hour and a half of painful driving later, we arrived at carpark 10. We had a good walk. We started our on mountain day at about 10am. The conditions were so much better than last time, and with tim and nina there i was able to push myself a little further. I am better than before now! I am still unsuccessful at jumping, i fell over after an attmpt from one metre that i didnt see until the last second. Oh, if you know the mountain this is where i went, double chair - waterfall express - t to the west - next t to the west - traverse of fear - national chair - furtherest t bar to the west. But then it got icy and cloud covered the mountain, not even my chap stick - which managed to save my lips - could save us and we headed off the mountain to Tokaanu and their magnificent hot springs, it soothes the bones and aids the mind!
That evening, we went to Santorini's, a restaurant described in a previous entry. It was good. After a week and a half long quest, i concluded my endeavour to get 'mint lumps', from the pineapple lump family, they taste really good. We arrived back, with wax ion our various heads from before the outing, beau looked like some kind 'o crazy. Although we were supposed to sleep, the parental figures did, and we children had a discussion which eventuated into me telling of two men known as houdini and dirty sanchez, and other assorted drunken adventures. We also had a heated debate about anarchy, and i am going to join a group of anarchists, inspired by the initiative taking nina, as a social experiment. send me that address nina! I finally went to sleep after some malicious unprovoked insults poured from le bouche de mon frere.
On sunday, we were awoken by the duhamels leaving early so that margo could obtain instruction on how to ride a horse. Our clan didn't leave until two and a half hours later, making me grumpy, and also silent for the most part of the journey, listening to nostalgia giving dragon ash, and various other bands like garbage, santana, prodigy, chemical bros, propellerheads etc. I still maintain that i look very cool in my mum's shades, cooler than in my dad's, but not as cool as in my grandad's. His look very very cool on me. I like glamour. Anything to look good, and everyone should try to make the effort to look good all the time in my opinion. Society says models provoke a bulimic wave. good on them i say. People are too fat. I may be being materialistic but so what. It is a natural instince to make ourselves look good, no? So, i wish to incite a revolution to make people look good!
Oh raise your arms in celebration for two reasons! Do a samba because i got 100 hits in the weekend while i was away, making me have 500 and something, and have a mardigra because i have a new 'petit boulot'. I am digitising at my dad's production company, 'RPM pictures'. Basically i get paid just above minimum wage to go through all the directors footage and take the bits he likes and put them in a digital format, it took me four ours to refine 2 and a half hours of footage and that was from 6 out of 34 tapes, so there will be about 20 hours of footage which will have to be refined into 42 minutes. ahhhh! anyway this will eventually lead me into a job as an assistant editor, good, ne? If you are curious, the program i was working on is about relationships that form on the internet, it should be on tv within two months i would think. There was fifty year old man who had had two major relationships unfold over the internet, in america, and mother who was an online dominatix. Suprisingly, neither of them were very interesting, and i was sad.
Malicious part yes! As we were driving back, io had so many thoughts that i shouldn't be haviong, murderous thoughts, at one stage i wanted to kill a completely innocent person, i scare myself! i kept thinking it would be cool if our car had a head on collision on the motorway, for some reason at that time i had no regard for my life. Oh yeah, and my parents think i am gay apparently. good. Beau convinced them otherwise with his powerful arguments. even better. Oh well, it will be a fun story one day i am sure to tell my sons, adolf, joseph, fidel, mao and putin. they will grow up to be fine lads i am sure of it. Their political arguments will be so cute! kawaii! On the subject of names, i have to tell you all two funny ones, in the philipines in world war two there was a cardinal named cardinal sin, and in turkey there is a shiek (pronounced shake) called shiek yamanni, and he is an oil tycoon, do you get it? 'shake your money'. i now expect you are falling off your chairs with excitment.
>Great Expectations<

>deceitful melantho<
Again, i am once more behind in my journal. I am going to catch up now!
First of all, i am going to write an entry as if it were yesterday, and then do one for today, so, allons-y!
Thursday...Thia was overall a nice day, with only one or two discrepancies. First of all, time is going to fast, i can't believe how quickly this year has flown by. secondly, my dad is trying to force me to take lunch to school. boo.
this will be the angry paragraph...i hate my friends! In a situation where i am under fire from one of them, it is nice to know i can count on only tim, and sometimes robert to stand up for me at all, and everyone else in my school group to turn against me with a batt of an eyelid, even when i am right.
Reading isla's journal i reminisced about primary school egg care days...i remember how one of mine died. Never leave your egg on the chair your about to put up at the end of school...i also left mine in a shop once. At the end of the game we all had to make floating contraptions and throw our eggs from two storeys high, resulting in many how just couldn't be put back together again...
We went to Nina and Tim's for dinner. I like scallops. I also cannot wait to make a delicious treat involving espresso remnants and toblerone. Viva Verdi problem is solved! Hai! Anyway that's all i can think of for thursday, except for a dream which woke me up on wednesday night/ thursday morning which involved two of my friends backstabbing me, resulting in my skin melting eventually, prelude to the real thing, non?

Friday...we must prepare to go to Taupo. Hurrah. I shall miss all of you dearly, i think, while i incompetantly snowboard! I shall be back sunday about midday. let's do something, ne? Nothing happened at school today. Oh and this is a message to all of you, if i get within arm's length of you, tell me off, because apparently, it is really irritating. I like misplaced anger. I like it alot.
Anyway see you sunday i hope!
>apocalypse now<

>nights into dreams<
This morning started out in the sombre way. We had a standing moment in silence to recognise the young man who commited suicide. It is funny, how it makes you put your own life in perspective. Although i am not a religious man, i still prayed for the eternal safety and happiness of those close to me. I wonder if the rest of the school were doing the same, i would tend to assume yes, because of the deathly silence that fills the air and the chill that travels down ones spine when one prays for the dead. I think i would have shed tears had we stood for any longer. I had tears in my eyes when we sat down. Enough of this talk now though, but please, for me, and for everyone else, please silence yourself for one minute to acknowledge this young man's passing.

Now to speak on a happier note...although today was cold, it was good. I went on a history field trip to the rialto to watch 13 days. I liked it, but it can be tedious if you don't have any understanding of politics. I also consumed a tirimasu gelato, thanks bernard chae!
Now here at my father's. I felt empty this afternoon. I wasn't sad. just empty. i am completely and totaly dependant on others to bring me happiness. Hence going away this weekend, although only for a couple of days, will make me sad that i cannot talk to my best friends.
I didn't go to Kendo. I don't see how i can go next week. I am seriously getting to the part now where i decide to make the final decision to quit. I can't maintain Kendo and have a fully faceted social life. Life just keeps on getting stranger...
>the love was reliant and spontaneus<

>Poseidon, the earth shaker<
dismal...an ex-grammar boy committed suicide off the cliffs in out premises in the dark hours of yesterday, i think the early morning (i nearly walked through our school last night, that could have been traumatising). If that doesn't make you feel depressed what does? If anyone wants to know any more details i will tell them what i know, but i don't really want to type it all out, when i was telling my mum i think i was on the verge of tears because i can't believe someone would do such a thing. Especially when i talk about it as much as i do.
Anime tonight, it shall be fun i hope, it is more trigun. Oh yes, for all you anime enthusiasts, a shop devoted to cheesecake has opened up the road from me...he he he. I havn't had a chance to try it out yet though. and if it is 147 dominion road next to it, i also leave near to where they have relocated Gamezone, again, yay! Dominion rd is becoming quite the party location!
My mum is going to australia tomorrow, so we have to take our cat to the cat 'hotel' in balmoral. He seems to know and is running away from us and we don't even have the cage out, how can he know? it's impossible!
Tomorrow going to the rialto to see '13 days' with my history class, and i need to contact jp urgently about 'organic weed' for daniel dumnov, or he will kill me, jp where are you? i can't find you anywhere!!!!!
I guess i had better be off in any case, ja na!
>To keep my mind on her is hard, but to be dismissed from her memory has more pain<

>I want an aphrodisiac<
Kyo...aphrodisiac o hoshi! Anyway, today was good, recurring themes (or significant events) included forgery, scum of society, and even cross dressing in a mild sense. School was fun, but i did want to go home to the mini donuts in the fridge...and i got them, but at school i ended up buying a snickers...i had to give into temptation, and i had money, usually i dont bring any lunch to school. I was not ostricised, which is a good thing, but i fear it could happen tomorrow, but i do doubt it. My snickers bar was rather scary. It had a spot of white chocolate on it and a bit from the top was missing. And when i bit it, it started bleeding. I ate it regardless, along with much popcorn and some pinky off the ground. Leader of the pack! In any case my mouth could have been bleeding, but it didnt appear to be when i checked. supernatural tears of the virgin mary in a snickers bar? it seems to be the only explanation!
I had an interesting art history, and thanks to a little ingenuity, and free photocopying in the art department i was able to forge a film club ticket, after failing to secure one off of anyone at school.
After school, came home and consumed donuts. I also went to parson's bookstore and used some of my credit...Tim soon you will have in your possesion a little thank you present! i got to sanjay's and proceeded to film club with he, wade, robert and tim. at the rialto we encountered tristan, laura, and scarlett. Forgery works! aha! A man with a lisp gave an introduction, i would have taken him seriously had he not had such a terrible speaking problem...i know it is mean but i couldn't help giggling, i do feel bad about it though if it is any consolation! After viewing Almost Famous, which was good, but very commercial, we had group discussion, with out leader, the jungle fantasy professor, alex. although he is a great and nice guy, i couldn't help but notice his over enthusiasm. Envy leads to wrath in my eyes. i came this close to, as people in my class would say, "giving him the hassles". After an hour or so walk home, i arrived and instead of doing the work that i should i ate alot, swallowed a strepsil whole by accident and watched television.
Now, some of you are probably thinking what the cross dressing pertains to, to which i would give you a history, comme ca> As a little boy, i once dressed up in womans clothes at my kindergarton, although only once, it inspired me to give it another shot this year in the imax, with clara's cosplay mononoke dress, which was similar to a cocktail dress. Recently i have started wearing pieces of my mothers clothes, ie, a woollen top and woman's shades. My mum says i look cool! Anyway, i don't see anything wrong with wearing woman's clothes if they make you look better!
Kate Hudson is a very sexy girl i have decided just now. I can't be bothered explaining this next statement but i am going to type it none-the-less, my form class is full of uncontrollable idiots, i am glad i only share one class with them.
Anime tomorrow and we will continue to watch trigun, hurrah! My mum is going to sydney till sunday on wednesday, i would hold an event if i were not going away that weekend also. I miss some of my friends so much when i go away, i think you know who you are...
however it is now late and i should want to sleep, oh, and in case you try to find me laura, tomorrow i am not catching the 035, but on wednesday i am. ummm. make the most of me while you can guys, and for those that are concerned for my mental stability, i am okay now, thank god those depressing hours of sunday have gone.
Leaving anecdote -
Finn- "sounds like porn music">br> Dad- "how would you know"
Finn- "i have seen a little bit"
I thought i'd put that there, and no i don't download porn all day, i dont even like it, you can ask tim about my mission, i'm too embarassed to say anything more than i have been the master of my domain for 5 weeks...
>the eyes of the lovers met from across the room<

>the otherside of the moon<
well, suddenly my problems seem insignificanr - my step grand mother appears to be dying and i feel incredibly selfish. It is really distressing. How would you feel to be dying with four of your five children living verseas, your husband (my step mum's step dad( disabled and unable to talk to you while you were in a nursing home slowly going mad and unable to afford slippers?
Anyway, it appears to put my problems in perspective. For those that don't know, i had left the last journal entry on the desktop at my mother's house - uh oh! I've cleared that up now anyhow - and i feel alot better.
Although today feels like one of the worst days in my life, it was seeing my step mum in worse pain that made me realise my problems were really nothing, and i shouldn't shoot myself.
I watched a terrible french film - Taxi 2 - appalling. I also did a little homework but not enough. I really feel as if I should make the effort to contact old friends and renew old ties after the feelings of impending doom today.
I also sacrificed my paper crane in the fire to Aphrodite, to begin my paganistic decline into life. And i foud my grandad thinks porn isn't very well written.
That's about all for now i think, i'm going to write another entry now, seeing as this is sunday evenings entry, and not mondays.
>above all this story is about love<

>I hate life and all its empty promises<
I hate the world, I really do. I hate all the fucking obligations I have withstand in order to please my elders. I hate the awkward remarks and questions I get in passing too. I hate every moment I am living at the moment…I seriously want to perish for a few months and be resurrected when life is better.
School is only part of it…work induces stress, but I can deal with it. What I can’t deal with are petty schoolyard arguments and social expectations. My father’s party was so unusual, no one was drunk, and there was no arguing…am I destined to be incorporated into these boring events? I hope he gets his party planning act together soon, I hate dragging people into boring the boring abyss that is a bad party, I feel selfish doing it. But it was not my dads party that has me down. No. It is the expectation now from my family that I should have a girlfriend. Why? I don’t understand. So, awkward moment retelling begins here…
BACKGROUND – for my birthday my dads ex-partner (Oskar’s mum, she came after my mum, but before my step-mum) wants to get me a birthday present, tickets to something. After much deliberation we decided on Viva Verdi. My father finds out that I have more than one female friend.
EVENT – My dad’s ex-partner comes up to when I’m adjusting a/v cables and whispers, "I got you two tickets, so you can take your girlfriend". ‘oh, thanks Kirsten’.
So, after talking with a partial drunk male parental figure, I find out that I have to take one of friends that is a girl, that is the expectation of me. That ain’t so bad I figured, only I have 10 days to decide on a female companion to the opera who will actually enjoy it. This puts me in a very awkward position. I cannot actually go with any of my female friends without my parents assuming we are a couple, and by my dad’s logic, consummating our love since 12 years of age. Good. Fucking hell I wish I were dead.
Other thing that angers me. I have a $150 voucher for Parson’s bookshop in town. They stock art history books etc. This is not a bad thing, or shouldn’t be, but everything there is so expensive or actually written in an uninteresting and pretentious way, I want to buy a book there. I want some art books. But I want them to be worth getting, I want to need them. I don’t want to just store them on my shelf and never touch them, but all the books there are written in a way that, while I can read and understand, seems to be superfluous and monotonous at the same time. This is very discouraging. There isn’t enough literature that reinforces some of the books they have. So adding to everything else, all the minor incidents are FUCKING ME OFF.
I apologize for all the swearing in this entry, but it is the first time I actually feel like blurting out profanities to express myself. In general I try to avoid it. I hate emotional stress, it really wears me down.
>I want to crawl up and die until December<

>Cut the foreplay<
So time to do a summary once more right? I feel myself getting more monotonous all the time, while I feel like my intelligence quota is increasing everyday in real life…strange contradiction, right? Anyway…let’s go. On Friday I had school as per usual, and although I constantly feel like my eyesight is decreasing, it is not quite as bad as Kris and Sanjay’s. Had 80 minutes of english, where I wrote an essay discussing the benefits and downsides of making New Zealand a state of Australia. Brief interval…weakest link hackey reigns supreme still, to the dismay of some. It turns out no one went to planet of the apes in the end because Kris couldn’t be bothered to organise tickets for that Friday night. 80 minutes of classics. I am a king of The Odyssey (or perhaps a rex of odyssey). Lunchtime, uneventful, more hackey I flipped literally as opposed to mentally, and also met my Japanese friends before heading to art history. Post Modernism is really cool, our teacher gave Tim and I, because he values out intellect over the rest of the class, some sheets on it. Did you know that Hitler was superman and in nada god is dead? History and a test came next. Then French. Those last two periods I tried to get my teachers to talk about post modernism, my history teacher (he looks like Satan, and is regarded by the staff as a weak teacher, but I won’t go into that) couldn’t tell me the post modernistic view on world war I, and French teacher told me to shut up and do my work when I asked him about it’s relationship to French linguistics.
Walked to K’rd to take the 035 to Westmere. Laura came, and I was pleasantly surprised, although I couldn’t say anything because my mouth was literally tied up with post modernism (notes). Laura came over, and she samba’d for a while before leaving home.
That evening I, after building a fire and much deliberation, got a lift with Tim courtesy of my dad, and we conversed about the new New York burlesque. At the Heng-Ki after picking up clothes, we had a meal and then strode the streets of Auckland city, Victoria park markets and marina until about 11, discussing the craziness of the world we were in, et bien sur…post modernism. Went to his place where I regaled The Odyssey to him, book by book, accompaning myself with the Ukelele. Eventually after explosive espresso machines and empty promises we watched fight club. Being honest, I didn’t really like the film, it was good and had its moments, but some aspects really didn’t work for me, but I do know that lots like it, so I wont bother to argue the masses.
Slept.
Woke up. Spent a few hours reading about terrible parents in aboutkids magazine, and also reading quotations out of a thesaurus of, as luck would have it, quotations. Tim woke up, and discussed filming with the gang, which cordially I was not invited to. I left. Came here, my mother’s. I will be going to my father’s once more once the evening starts kicking it, although it is a shame about the weather today.
According to Alex travarton (spelling?), a man named hero isn’t as good as stormriders which he said I must watch.
Now in boredom, I wrote this entry, I only wish it were more interesting, instead of methodical.
>The silver dish into which we put golden apples<

>Haute Couture<
back from the comedy of arias...i wish i were smarter and knew more about classical music and opera and ballet etc. i'm probably going to start to go to more.
I am no further on the homework situation, but let me tell you all i have discovered the merits of macademia amaretto butter, expensive but oh so tasty spread that consists of the obvious two ingredients plus honey, and i am assuming love...don't think that...
I need to work out my plans for tomorrow night, now i have saturday plans. there was an opening/closing line i wanted to use but i cannot remember it...damn.
Maybe i should finish this here...oh that's right...red gum? try assorted hubba bubbas, or maybe 'big red' gum. does that help at all?
Happy birthday Janet, although i highly doubt you read this.
Went out to dinner on jervois rd at Andiamo's, had duck, and it was very good. very good indeed. I hate to say this, but i saw the ugliest man in the world there...his head was disgustingly bulbous...i know it's cruel, but i couldn't tear my eyes away because i was in terror, i was the average greek citizen to his the gorgon medusa.
Things have taken a turn for the better, saturday will be fun, lots of people have confirmed coming, though some of my dads friends i like the most are not...
i'll write to all of you tomorrow again i think, but for now, fare thee well, or even vas con dios!
>love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you<

>You are the weakest link<
Planet of the apes was super fantastico...minus one particular character who provided the trashy comic relief...will i be alone in thinking it was good? probably. And there are plot holes, but the movie is so fun, and the costumes, acting, make up (except the one who looks like janet jackson) and injokes make it really, for lack of a better word, cool to watch. Thank you so much Fergus!
These last two days i have moved to my dads house, taking the bus home is easy! only 2 stages and i get home at 4pm! Yesterday evening i had a huge abundance of energy and destroyed most of my opponents at kendo. However, last night i could barely sleep, but on the plus side i got to hear my dad and his sister debate about our weird family, and heard them talking about the drugs they take/took again. It had never occured to me before that it was weird that my grandad was divorced and so was my dad, and i also got an insight into the generation gaps between my grandad and his children, and first hand evidence about how to mend a broken relationship with your family. It was really interesting.
Tonight, i am going to a comedy of Arias at the bruce mason theatre on the north shore, and going to dinner beforehand. i also have a bit of homework to do. Today i have a few callous/blister things on my hands from kendo...i really hate them. ERO cme to our school and sat in several of my classes, it is funny how the teachers actually teach when you set the agents from the government on them. I am also getting my report rectified because there was a mistake, i am getting a brand spanking new one...hoorah...dignity is being reinstated! At english, our teacher showed us a photo of him in the 70's. Everyone laughed, but i thought he looked quite cool...
Plans for the weekend fell through...my family decided to stay in auckland and have a dinner/socialising bougeois shmooze with 60 or so of their friends. We are a rather pretentious family...but if thats who we are, we can't pretend to be us, so are we still pretentious? however, to this new function i am only allowed to invite two people...i'm sorry...
For now i don't really have anything to say...
>goodbye<

>it pains me deep inside that you would say that<
I am on the threshold of leaving...to go and see planet of the apes at the preview...fergus is the greatest! (sings and dances)...
at any rate i hope it is a good film because i am a big fan of the original.
Ahh, who could have thought organising a gathering could be so difficult...i don't know how many would be in attendance, and i have to some how get lots of food. the only really fun thing i can think of would be wandering around westmere and falling into ditches, scaring passers-by. maybe spotlight? we could all pretend we were back in primary school!
Time to end this, planning is going to my head...apetastic time to be had by all as my darling brother so quaintly put it. so soon to monkeying around, and then on to my dads house in order to live there.
las-to...i did my french speech, i have little work for the rest of this week.
ja na!
>a burning passion awakes, and the truth is laid bare for al to see<

>it pains me deep inside that you would say that<
I am on the threshold of leaving...to go and see planet of the apes at the preview...fergus is the greatest! (sings and dances)...
at any rate i hope it is a good film because i am a big fan of the original.
Ahh, who could have thought organising a gathering could be so difficult...i don't know how many would be in attendance, and i have to some how get lots of food. the only really fun thing i can think of would be wandering around westmere and falling into ditches, scaring passers-by. maybe spotlight? we could all pretend we were back in primary school!
Time to end this, planning is going to my head...apetastic time to be had by all as my darling brother so quaintly put it. so soon to monkeying around, and then on to my dads house in order to live there.
las-to...i did my fench speech, i have little work for the rest of this week.
ja na!
>a burning passion awakes, and the truth is laid bare for al to see<

>why don't weddings have terms of office?<
Today is good..

listening to 'a guy named gerald' performing 'voodoo ray'

...everything is going fine, it was pleasant. i cannot say the same for everyone else though, but i won't go into that. Tomorrow i get to do a speech in french in front of my class. that should be fun, now i only need to memorise about a page of french. good. Due to unforseen circumstances i will not be at kendo tonight, but i really need to go frequently this month because of the grading at the end of it, it is for the kendo equivalent of blackbelt.
What else today? not much, except it is my last nigt at my mum's place for a while, i also saw a shocking display of humanity at the gas station, which i am going to proceed to describe now...I was standing near the desk and a fat and ugly woman in her twenties was standing there reading the magazines, and then the gas attendant told her it was going to cost her two dollars to keep reading them because it was a gas station and not a library, or something to that extent. She continued reading, and when she put the magazine back the guy tried to charge her two dollars, but like so many terrible grammar boys and adolescents that i incessantly hate, she had to be resistant and ignorant and she let out a whine of 'no-oh', as if she were in the right and it was completely unjustified what the attendant was doing. when she whined i just felt like shooting her point blank, and probably would have if i had had a weapon at that point. i so just wanted to cast a fist of judgement on her soul and destroy...slightly psychopathic i know, but can you blame me for wanting to cleanse society? that has put a bad spin on the rest of my night i think...
Did the emode passion test today...apparently im a romantic poet, thats fine by me, though i think i have more passion than they said i have. boo. Also looking foward to the weekend, im turning away from going to the mountains of snow in order to hold an event of some kind at my dads house, but i'll need help organising it, at the moment tim and i are planning a dinner party, hopefully with fantastic jelly, but we need money for ingredients. too much precious stuff in that house that could be ruined by drunken idiots. ie. my dead grandmothers plaster head, as well as the head of michaelangelo and a lava lamp, also the walls are made of glass. Depending on what fergus says i will either go to planet of the apes tomorrow night, to the preview, or friday with my friends and a heng-ki outing which i would hope would eventuate regardless.
I also found out that laura, scarlett and tim have started journals, so i'll add those links at some point soon along with isla's journal. yay for people writing about their lives! i still have to archive all the july entries too, maybe thursday or even tomorrow, im not sure.
Email me suggestions to liven up my dads place, i only really have dvd, games(ie.samba), and many many many cds and vinyls. i want some kind of crazy boredom killing machine to help people, otherwise i would feel guilty subjecting people to that boring torture (people- feel free to bring alcohol), anyway ill hopefully have that pretty much sorted by thursday and ill send out the details.
ill put up those links here until i can properly link them (i dont want to format on my mac because it looks different on pcs, so ill add them when i am near one). ici-
-http://emeraldspoon.diaryland.com (isla)
-http://sailor-scar.diaryland.com/ (scarlett)
-http://laura-lou.diaryland.com/ (laura)
and i dont actually have tims right now, but ill let you know 'ASAP'.
>me and my nazi girlfriend<

>...The feet are connected to the- snowboard...<
I am going to attempt to summarise my trip quickly and effectivly
Thursday...After typing out the journal entry, listened to garbage and iggy pop pretending to be Caesar, drawing and learning katakana. Left house about 1pm, drove until arriving in Taupo, on the way, my brother and auntie discovered that spiralina bars are disgusting, and jealously glanced at my butterscotch and pecan ice-cream. A while later arrived at my Step-mum's ex-boyfriend's place where we were staying. Went out to dinner for the second night in a row, to a place where barbera streisand and tyra banks had dined before (ooOOOOwww!), a Greek restaurant named Santorini's, t'was fine, and I have decided i like Turkish coffee though, also as of yet, Taupo, as far as i know, has not been polluted by the evil Starbucks corporation! yay! Also, in Taupo there is a place which has my name, "Finn MacCuhal's", a pub that i did not go to (coincidently, my snowboard boats were made by Osin, in irish folklore she is finn maccuhals mother). Went home and went to bed, earlyish, and read a book of the odyssey proceeding, from where i learned an anecdote about the Polyphemis saga, enquire if you want to know more. Dozed off in to a dream land...

Friday...Woke up at 6am, very tired, and drove to the ski field, Whakapapa, which i have now decided is my least favourite ski field in New Zealand, from the onesi have been to, the staff are slack and sloppy on the most part, and not much of the mountain was open, and it is really not designed for snowboarders, also, friday was particularly icy, and it was very hard to stay on the T-bars. Not only that the café up top was expensive too. I had a bad snowboarding experience that day, and i had not yet got my groove back, well not until the end of the day began to roll around and the ice was melting, making it easier to do turns using the snowboard ridges. I did learn a bit of maths however - faceplant+ice=bloody chin, and also, idiot+T-bar=a sore head for me. Coming off the mountain we went to the Chateau for a drink, and we had the same waitress as we did back circa March this year. Leaving there we had the sunset, one of the best ones i have ever seen, mt ngarahoe and ruapehu (spelling?), were purple and pink, and it was dark, with a moon above them with wisps of smoke, and on the opposite side of the sky it was a modulation of the sun, it was so beautiful ('shall i compare thee to a summer's day?'), i did take photos. We met up with my Step-mum and our friends and my half-brother back at the place we were staying, and then also my grandad. We went out to dinner yet again to a place called Manuel's, or possibly Pepper's, i'm not sure. It was also good, or everyone elses meals were, mine was okay, i think i could make lasange better than they, but i don't think i can spell it as well. again, home, odyssey, then bed.

Saturday...rise, 7am, at skifield about 0930, carpark 6 (damn, meant a long walk or a crowded shuttle bus). Got up the mountain, with water as my only companion on the chairlift. I had a much better day today. Got my turns and my line working so much better, also the T's were easier. got more burnt than the day before though. The biggest problem with the snowboard i was using, was that there was no foot grip for when my foot wasn't on the board, anyone who board's will tell you that it is hard to balance with only one foot attached and no grip. Our family was skiing, while our friends went climbing, and ex-boyfriend of step-mum went to stay the night in an ice cave. When we finally left, sensibly bringing our own food that day, after the extortionist prices of friday, we went to Tokaanu for a hot spring, it was o so soothing. Rapidly met up with our clan and went out to dinner at an organic resturant, Fine Fettle. The food was good, but i attempted to distance myslef from their preaching of the sins of GE and GM, and in their little box for mprotest notes i put in one supporting it. if you disagree with me, ask me my reasons, i might sway you more, like dean martin did on the speakers there.

Sunday...got up, were going to snowboard but bad conditions, instead had a breakfast out at Rustix café, there were pretend movie posters there, my favorite one was '(what was i thinking when) I married a Republican'. read magazines while there too, i hate that polygamist bastard Tom Green, and also did you know that Joan Collins dumped her long time lover for a new squeeze? because i didn't. Drove up and got a speeding ticket, but the policeman was nice and took $130 off our ticket...for you policemen out there, our number plate is (...). I tried to do some anagrams, but i couldn't be bothered, so i just waited out the ride.

Highlights and summary, good, although i don't particularly feel like going again next weekend, i want to see myu friends. I would also want a different snowboard (maybe buy one when they are cheap at the end of season). Music was good, lots of broken-man-iggy pop and casa de la trove and kid loco. Also i have to say what my half brother asked - "If women are females, are men called fe's?". Okay. that is that. simultaneously, while others have been in the room i have typed out nonsense so they don't read my entry, so i'll post it as a separate entry.
I'll be staying at my dad for the next two weeks or so, so i won't be on icq as much too...
...Who are these christians? Throw them to the lions...

>curiousity killed the cat<
i dont know what i am writing here, just killing the time while waiting for the phone and dad is paciong back and forth and stop reading over my shoulder, this is why im not typing on the other document, all to come to a bitter halt at the last second when a boulder hit the dogs leg and it turned into a bonsai, and siled away on a ship in a bottle, and once in the mediterrenean, they met up with the owl and the pussycat, who were at sea in their peagreen boat, fleeing from the moomintrolls shared nemesis. simultaneously, Mr T and colonal from KFC were enjoying a pizza at the expense of the kangaroo's of Australia. Mr T exclaimed, 'i like pink petticoats' and presently the colonal gave one to him, before being quickly stabbed to death by ronald mcdonald, who was a partner in crime of the hamburglar, both running from elliot cheesmurs dad, the cheesebuger policeman, with children running through the steel bars of his mouth. They quickly all flew on their golden wings to stuart island, but realising it was the most boring and desolate place in the world went to green hill zone, and met up with the travelling party of the owl, the pussycat, a bonsai dog and a boulder. they rolled through and beat the eggman at the end. they had clocked it and went to gotham city to visit people, but they all fell dead, in ten more minutes they fell alive again and went on a hike through the grim brothers cellphone, and they rode many a SNAKE AND COULDNT REMEMBER WHERE THEY HAD PUT THEIR CARDS. THEY TURNED ON THE TV, AND THEN THEY ALL WENT 'HULLABALOOKAWOOKAWAY' AND JUMPED OFF NIAGRA FALLS IN A BARREL, BUT SOME OF THEM FELL OUT AND THEIR DOMINITRIX'S AND THEIR BOYFRIENDS GOT AWAY SCOTT FREE. the remaining members, a bonsai pussycat and a dog and a ham radio went through to the dome sound system and their heads nearly imploded, and they instantly teleported to Tim's basement, and heard lola screaming, so went instead to eat lollies with insect wings on them, but couldn't find wally, so they built a trojan horse and waited till he was a awake, jumped in and then alived him with their swords. the stapler died. the funeral was a sad occasion and they all spoke after him because of their extensive friendships with him, and they had an attack of nostalgia, upon remembering the days of making french toast together in college. 'GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS', yelled the scottish caretaker, who was in the process of amalgamating into one person with my father. the bamboo hackey sack promptly sent them all to Hades halls where they all turned into one person, known only as the the "nobody resouceful me tis". Nobody resouceful me tis consulted persephone who made him go to barney who made his visit 'arent you glad im not bob', who let him go to life again, but they died because i have finished. where is the cream? i dont know. ...corruption, corruption, corruption...

>Nausicaa took the whip<
Alors, I will be gone from midday today, because all the accomodation is booked out, we are staying in Taupo, and driving an hour and a half there and then back again for everyday we ski (in my case snowboard), kind of like when we were in queenstown and going to treble cone in wanaka everyday. Consequently I shan’t be writing another entry till’ monday eve.
So I’ll start with the earliest first and work my way through i think. I woke up on Tuesday morn, fell asleep again promptly and had a strange dream, i’m not going to describe it because i’ve done that three times already and i cannot be bothered again. I’ll just say it cinsisted of crazy elevators, a cathedral version of my school, and the players were Tim, Laura, Tristan, Isla, Kris and myself.School was good on Tuesday, but uneventful. After school i went home, as you do, mucked around for a while, and then got ready for anime, to which tim was going, but alexander wasn’t because he is in wellington (not anymore though). Walking to anime via tim’s, i listened to some indian music i have, the sitar is the best instrument ever invented, i just have to say. We made our way to anime, and watched more trigun (6-10). After that time went to his mum’s house and i went with some AAC members to the open late café, where the manager got angry with us because he said we were not buying enough. This i can understand but the sarcastic and mean manner in which he approached us was totally uncalled for, as i was leaving he said to me “thanks for all your custom, bring your wallet next time eh?” in a rather unsatisfactory tone. Needless to say he is going to get alot less of our patronage from now on. Arrived home at 11.11 after we realised there was nothing to do in Auckland late at night, except perhaps stalking...which we did consider...

Cue wednesday morning, i packed quickly for today’s trip, and made my way to school, it was an ordinary day, and the afternoon was good, several things did happen though. I went to the computer room at lunchtime to do a journal entry, because of my absence for the next few days, but all the computers were taken up, mainly with people looking for playstation codes and people reading the news in Kanji, so that was to no avail and i left. Oh, yeah, i don’t know if he reads this or not, but a certain young third form lad i know, said hello in passing, and at this point i lost all dignity, as in going to do some kind of suave hand gesture, my mind was invaded and i did...a thumbs up...oh god what was i thinking...i have been stressing over that loss of dignity for some time, so forgive me please, i pretend i did the victory sign, ok? The third interesting point is such that i protected a small friend of mine from bullying, nearly getting beaten up myself, but i escaped - thindgs like that really anger me, when for kicks to huge guys pick on someone small and physically inept (although soon to be junior gun-shooting champion of New Zealand). And since my name means just and fair, i must stand up for what is right! Oh yeah, tim got off his detention too...he will tell you that story though. At history, absolutly no work took place and we spent the period laughing and falling off our chairs, with stupid people thinking we were idiots. After school - snowboard hire...i found out i have lost 5 kgs this year, im only 6 kgs more than my younger brother...hmmm. After much diddling and dabbling about we went to Toto’ in town for dinner, mmm gnocci with pumpkin sauce and shaved parmesan...although not as extravagant as what my aunt ate, beek slivers marinated in wine for about a month and then airdried for another three, i did something extremely pretentious and ordered in broken italian! Next it was onto Gilbert and Sullivan’s Mikado, the attraction of the evening, we went up the red carpet and i was passed over by the kulak in the top hatfor a fan, but i did get one later. it was good, the play, but some bastard in front of me had his cell phone ringing, and this was after a joke had been made about not havong cell phones on during performances too! ooww the nerve!...Went home and went to bed.
Now here i am thursday morning and listening to the soundtrack for the bond outing “you only live twice”. Well i guess i’ll write when i get back...

something else on a serious note, before i go, i just remembered, i would never follow through with suicide, but i ponder what the consequences WOULD be. I could never do that to my family and friends, and i hope none of you would do that to me, it would be very inconsiderate. So, if any of you are having thoughts of suicide, just don’t do it, i’d have to kill myself out of guilt, feeling like i was encouraging it on my page. >I want to break your heart, and give you mine<

>You play the music go back you hear satan speaking<
Um...sorry for not updating...as i said ill be staying at my dad's house for alot of august, i probably won't be able update because not only is the computer old and slow, and not able to keep up with the information highway, bt it is in my dad's bedroom.
Since friday, i have been attacked for sins i don't believe i committed, and may or may not have acquitted myself of those charges...but this seems to be the calm after the storm, but squalls could still be brewing, i'll probably find out soon enough.
Saturday was spent in reeling depression from the charges laid against me, because i could not reach anyone to retrieve condolences from, but felt better upon finally getting some. I also got to see my auntie again, and my grandad's new garden, but my room had been stolen by the houseguests. i had to sleep in my brothers room. I also finished Sonic Adventure 2, but still have many a emblem to collect, not that that will mean anything to most people. But i do really want soap shoes now.

Sunday morn, i rose from my grave at a quarter to six, to go to the airport to acquire my father. It was still dark, and this confused my half brother who couldn't understand why we woke him up at nighttime, when we told him that we were picking up dad in the morning, it was funny AND cute...
Anyway we picked dad up, and i was able to see the passionate reds that the sun sprayed over the seafoaming clouds, more precious than the previous evenings sunset anyway, which i think i may have missed. It is good getting up early, it gives one the whole day to play in and more time to procrastinate with! Well, my gifts of final nostalgic value were still fantasy, as the 4th, 5th and 6th of august may be the earliest i can get it shipped here from the states, the chronology in that time period has really triggered a feeling of anticipation in me...but because of the wait i got even more gifts! XD! A model of a thunderbird car with a surfboard on it, and one of the most thoughtful gifts i have ever got, in fact i dont think i have ever been as excited by a gift that i didnt know i was gonig to get...a full sized Cuban national flag! my father was going to get me a Che Guevara shirt too, but he couldn't find one. In celebration of that fine nation, i wore my flag as a cape for the rest of that day, including when i had to go out for half an hour to take my half brother to the playground in westmere primary, hence i missed robert's call and isla's gathering. next time, eh? I spent most of that day fluffing around and doing nothing (video footage now tells me rockclimbing is amazing). I did do a lot of samba de amigo later on that evening to show my auntie, i guess i'm going to have to explain that too...Samba de amigo is a game i have that cannot be found anywhere else in New Zealand. Instead of a controller, one uses digital maracas to control whats on screen, i bought them in japan for circa $NZ140, and they are worth every penny, and this game also got me interested in spanish and south american music like some of my heros, the gypsy kings, and i used that to fall in love with obscure bands my dad has. On that note, my dad bought a whole load more hip hop cds for himself...he has a large variety in his taste of music, but i played opera during the day instead. Well i think that pretty much sums up sunday...

Monday...school, boring, going snowboarding on thursday, no school. good. There is always a catch though, and i'm going to have to work fast and had to write and memorise a 2-minute french speech for my class for next week...Ahhh! I also steered clear of the gang at interval for internal reasons, chillin wit' my japanese pals instead. By lunchtime, i think i was missed, or maybe that's just my egotistical brain, and i went crawling back. After school i did nothing but kendo, it was okay. afterwards, while i was waiting for my ride i sat on a hill i used to play on in the good old days of form 3 and 4, and reminisced about those days of yore, and also about japan once more...and i hate to disapoint anyone, but i would have to say my japanese friend, almost brother, is my best friend of all time, he said to me the most meanigful most nice thing anyone has ever said to me, that is "your friendship is one of my treasure". He is the nicest person to me, and he always looked after me in japan, and made such an effort to be nice to me and converse with me. His name is Kohei Kageyama, 25 year old world traveller, teppan yaki chef and car enthusiast, even on a local drift racing team in his area of japan, kinda like 'Initial D' i guess...

Well that's all i want to say for now, except for these two things, 1) anime tomorrow everyone, remind me to ring alexander tomorrow on his arrival from wellington too someone, and, 2) Beau has a girlfriend! Her name is Danny, and she goes to eggs and is in 3rd form, she seems to know everyone i know there but no one i know knows her...she is a a dancer in the production, like kate stevenson, whom i don't know very well, but i'm sure others do and she is a great person, but anyway the point of that was just the cutesy factor, i heard their conversation on the phone on saturday night, being the person in the lower bunkbed. And can you believed she asked him out? one thing they have in common, a hatred for a certain jewish lad by the name of alon.
This has gone on long enough and now is the timme s'arreter! Ciao bella!
>retox the freak in me<

>the devil works in mysterious ways<
Tonight was interesting and...fun...in a way...also awkward for many, but not me. I didn't socialise too much early on in matt's evening, i just played sonic adventure 2 alot. Matt's mother was very kind and bought us lots of food. i also realised i had lost my knack for playing pool...kiri nearly 'downtroughed' me! I met up with some of my other friends who aren't from the elitist society that i tend to be associated with, in fact one of them, ralph, the aspiring actor, is sitting next to me right now! hurrah!

Earlier today i confronted my history teacher, and he said he didn't know how bad the situation was. my friend jarod came fourth in our history class with a 50% after scaling, ridiculous, no? anyway, the next step in the adventure i like to call school life is to visit the HOD of history on monday to get a note that recognises that i passed history.
Yay for family coming from overseas! this weekend i get to see my step mum, my dad and my auntie, coming from, in order of appearance, New York, LA and Norwich, so ill be in westmere probably all weekend for those who wanna contact me!
I'm gonna quote edwyn here to help enlighten others on the path for true happiness, "Then is the best time to be happy, for your happiness will raise their spirits like a big helium filled ballon. Unless they get worse, in which case you'd be a hydrogen filled balloon, cause you'd explode and kill all the civllians around you".
Anyway, ill leave it at that, remember to keep grinding that skyline!
...and with one look, Orpheus was left alone, never to be with Eurydice until the day he died...

>Orpheus and Euridice<
Feelings of death and despair overcome me these last two days...would anyone care if i was gone tomorrow?...how would people react if i decided to throw myself off a building? this is really intriguing me. I guess these are the thoughts that come to me after this week of ultra-violence at school for me...for some reason i keep picking fights with people who could probably beat me up...i also had that clean up...and to top it off, today i got my report, it was fine except for one thing, i had been scaled down 13 percent in history from 61 percent to failing the subject. Tomorrow my history teacher is going to get a stern visit from me...i only hope it doesn't result in ultra-violence, after all, he does look identical to satan. This is a big deal to me because i have never failed a subject before, and i don't want to fail a subject now, especially one that i passed by 11%.
I have to read three books of the odyssey tonight still as well, after finishing off a five page assignment on Henri Matisse, hence the late entry tonight, i just finished it. But the odyssey still to read? im sooo tired...
Yay! my dad is coming back from usa this weekend, and my auntie is coming from britannia! hooray for family!
I must say that even with my optimistic outlook on life i've been depressed this week, aside from wednesday, and unusually tense and reckless. i don't mean to be a violent person...i am ot am i? i don't think i am...but this week it seems to be my natural reaction, to just stand up for myself instead of letting everything slide. I also love peaceful music at this time, Bjork - debut, that is a good calm cd.
...The empty hole in my chest destroys what was once there, obscuring my will to love...

>My new infatuation<
Today was interesting, I did my most derogatory of punishments after school with ex SAS teacher Mr. Tonks. Let me say it was thorough and we had to walk in a shoulder to shoulder arrangement sweeping the school grounds. At least I got a tennis ball out of it.
I rushed and upon arriving home to get to bretts place where Brian was going to pick me up for seeing the Final Fantasy preview. I encountered some kind of crazy – trash Kate on a motorised scooter with cushla and Blake. It was funny. Then Alex’s girlfriend couldn’t drive and she got hit by a car and her car door is smashed. That was fun. I wasn’t in the car. I got picked up and went to the preview.
At the preview I missed getting a promo t-shirt because of Brian, but I didn’t mind because he ended up giving it to JP. The movie was way better than I expected it to be. While not a masterpiece, it was still reasonably good. The script was good, very final fantasy-ish, although there weren’t quite enough easily recognised references to be made early on in the film, it some points, well a lot of points, it feels as if the ‘Final Fantasy’ name has been tagged on as an afterthought. My other two gripes are such, the dialogue is sometimes really wooden and cliched, and also the voice talent, while mostly good, suffers at some moments where it doesn’t seem like they are especially in the right tone, particularly whenever anyone yells ‘NO-OOOO’. Over all it was a reasonably solid film and I enjoyed it, the new L’arc en ciel song is good too, they play it during the credits. Another thing that made the experience good was that we got to see the current trailer for the Spiderman movie, due out in a year’s time, which at first I thought was an ad for Nokia. It looks very cheesy, and the cgi Spiderman doesn’t look real enough, but there is plenty of time to fix it, what is good about it is it seems very action orientated and over the top, the way a comic hero should have a movie made for him, although maybe too excessive in that even Spiderman couldn’t make a spiderweb between the twin towers to catch a helicopter…!
I hope I haven’t given away too much about Final Fantasy, I’ve refrained from using character names and specific scenes. I also realised, with the help of my earphones, that my ear holes must be disproportionate…I also realised that the most intelligent man can be made insane by stupid people. I also wish people would turn their cell phones off when they go to the movies, cause I DO like it when a witty cell phone ring come on in an integral, highly emotional scene.
…I suck my tongue in remembrance of you…

>Punish the wicked<
Clean up. Tomorrow. After school. My history teacher. Idiot. How can he sleep at night.
If you can't tell, my Buddhist style attitude to life has been tarnished by the evil of a worn down grammar teacher, as a friend put it, "that's what you get for standing up for yourself". If you dn't know, a 'clean up' is a horrendous task where i will be stopped from going home at the end of the day and instead will be picking up rubbish in the rain. fun fun fun.
Cannot let it get me down, must remain pleasant and happy. Good things also happen. Josh (thank you) helped me fix up my site for people using PCs, and we ate 'lemon juice ginger', it is very tasty. Still unbeknowest to me whether or not i am going to the final fantasy preview...it doesnt matter so much to me now.
I also hate discriminating WN tv lady. She assumes because i am a guy who likes final fantasy, my final fantasy 'must' be anna kournikova. bitch. what is she insinuating there huh? 'oh no she is now married...i guess that means no more masturbation' (that was all in a sarcastic/ whiney tone, if you couldnt tell). I hate people who jump to conclusions using generalisations.
One more thing i found out...i am going to hell, i am guilty of five out of the seven deadly sins, sloth, envy, greed, pride and lust. so who wants to come with me?
Anyway that is quite enough for today, lots to do. My brother wants to use the computer, i need to find out about Matisse, and make arrangements.
...my world will end soon...

>Get yourself connected, the writings on the wall<
Well, Kendo is over, and i broke my second tsuba in in 3 months or so...not good. i also nearly split half my thumb nail off, only bending it back till it bled...sword fighting is a rough sport. I hope to get shodan next month, if i am not snowboarding at that time...
OK, i have had an awesome day, it is time for a self-analyzation, there were some bad things that hapened, and very little particularly good things happened so to speak, but i STILL had a great day. how you ask? I was nice to everyone. At home i was respectful and cleaned up the kitchen without being asked too. I was nice to my mum's boyfriend. i got things for people not expecting any favours in return. this all made me feel really good about myself, and everyone was nice to me at home, it has been peaceful here. nothing matters to me except the well being of others. tomorrow im going to take even more time to be kind and respectful, i might just be better off. I guess it's true what they say - 'what goes around comes around'. (i'll just mention here that i partially believe in fate and karma).
Umm, time for the theory and idea category, two things i would like to mention, 1) peanut butter theory. since so many people know this analogy already, i won't write what it is about, but if you don't know, please ask me, cause it is a really good thing, that i thing is good and applies to most people, and will make them think. Number two, a quote that isla sent me just now that i really like - "if you want to know what a man's like, take a look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals"
I thought that summed up my last two days anyway...god im vain...is that good or bad?
looks like my final fantasy plan may fall through to crappy planning of aac nights - warning - THERE IS NO AAC MEETING ON TUESDAY THE 24TH JULY. I will probably see it on thursday, so ill round up people tomorrow at school and be buying tickets on wednesday.
oyasumi!

>My aura of happiness invades spaces<
OK, first of all, I am sorry for the dishonorable ways i have acted, but all is Finn. It is funny how bodyguards work though, no? Jealousy goes along way.
Ummm, great day today, my hapiness overcame and sorted out any problems i may have had, in that it came to work at confrontation by either making the other person kindhearted, or alternatly, yelling at my history teacher and make him backdown after an un-just call, or endearing me and my tiredness to the french asisstant (i'm so vain ^-^).
Good day of doing nothing yesterday, i really enjoyed it, but my mind was working again at night when i could not sleep due to everlasting problems. Kendo tonight, it should be good...anime tomorrow, more Trigun, which personally i do not like as much as Cowboy Bebop, but is still good, and maybe alexander and tim will be in attendance as well...wednesday, im hoping to go to the Final Fantasy preview/premiere type thing, but if i cannot, then i will skip school on thursday and spend it doing that and perhaps go to the swimming pool with tim. At present, in the case of thursday happening as it stands, there are about four of us going to Final Fantasy should my preview thing fall through...if you too want to come, icq me or email me before tuesday night, becase i will be going to get tickets on wednesday after school, if not the preview.
...Good day today, still cruising, things still have not all blown up in my face...

Pop Princess of Iceland
>"I wish I could only look, and didn't have to touch. I wish I could only smell, and didn't have to taste. I can't ignore this is sex without touching"<
OK, this may seem excessive, but i am really into bjork all of a sudden. Anyway, went to see a 'movie' yesterday, if you could call it that. Stay away from Exit Wounds id you can, there are actually no exit wounds in the film. Ouch it is bad...i had to hide, some of the jokes are terrible...however the film made me realise on the way home a huge character flaw of mine...
I am way too judgemental, and perhaps even a little vain! (In theory i should now love and hate myself). I was walking home from town last night and it struck me that i was probably really hurting the feelings of the other people in the cinema. They came to enjoy the film, not to mock it, and i probably spoiled their experience, however having said that, i don't understand how anyone can take a film with steven seagal and a three letter acronym ethnic rapper as its lead stars seriously. But i realised i'm perhaps to critical of films in general, why can't i enjoy films more for their own sake? the same way i enjoyed Shrek, where by it was good for what it was trying to acheive, bt when stacked up against films such as the usual suspects realy doesn;t stand a chance. But it is fun, and if that's what people came to have, who am i stop them? why do i have the right to ruin other's fun, or tell them what they can and cannot like? That doesn't mean there are no bad films, just that is probably one person in the world whose favorite film is your most hated film, but what makes either of you right? It is THEIR favorite film, and no one can tell them, or you, what to think.
Anyway, i'll finish this journal entry here Bill and Ted...I danced indirectly with plastic Tommy Gun man at Imax, also ran into a crazy drunk daniel dumnov (spelling) and Matt Elgar. Organic weed? what were you thinking? Can anyone translae this french idiomatically for me and send me the translation tonight? It is "La terre que nous envie La terre entiere", If someone gets it right i'll buy them a magnum icecream. So as i was saying..."YOUR FIRED!"

Hey Hey Hey...This one is sarcastically titled "I find bimbos irritating", or alternatly "I hate vanity"
The entry will not elaborate further on this at all however and will instead be about me and the dirtyness i feel when i have to lie. Last night was such an occasion, i had to lie to keep friends. Friends which i would say are being slightly immature in their handling of a particular situation, but again i cannot deve into that because i would cause too much offence and likely be evicted from the 'circle'. On the other hand i had a great long walk and talk with Tim and Robert discussing the opposite of the virtue of lying and deception, i think it is called honesty, but the term doesn't really apply here. In any case i got alot off my chest and i feel better, and i don't feel the need to listen to depressing musicians to make myself feel better today. hmm..
If anyone happens to have any ideas to add to my aimed appearance please e-mail me with them, at the moment i'm going for a sort of 'neo- goth- french- punk- bishounen- emaciated- cyber- underground- fashonable- skatie- junkie', it is gonna take a long time in the sauna and alot of starvation without interference from my parents to acheive this, i need all the support i can get!
OK, i have started to listen to one of my old favorite bands again, ie bjork and others, i really like the lyrics. I also listened to Beethoven the other day as performed by the berlin symphony orchestra, i think i prefer Mozart though, although if the film Amadeus is anything to go by, Mozart is an ass, where as i know little about Beethoven.
So summary of today's plans, unless someone rings me reasonably quickly i have to go to a certain black power area, where the computer admin from ABGS lives with some friends who want to "smoke his stash", although i don't particularly wanna go, so would somebody please ring me to do something else? I feel dirty enough as it is, to have to go to a geeky 26 year olds house and be forced into smoking his dope.

...somebody help me...

I've decided to take three of my role models from films - The dude from the big lebowski, and bill and ted from their series of films. I have few (or alot) of real idols.
I'm actually enjoying playing a semetic girl in our class play, no offence to any semetics though, i just did not think i would. She hates society like me! yay! although she is a bit of a hoe, 14 years old with a boyfriend in his late teens...hmmm

I like Nitro Microphone Underground, my new j-hip hop cd, to those who attend gatherings with me, you are soon to know and hate it! Fwawawahahaha! For the record i feel like Tifa or Aeris in Final Fanasy VII at the moment, life's oh so confusing.
Also, not the reason i'm coonfused, but if any of you were wondering, i took the gay test, and i'm more homosexual than the average joe, at 39%! What a faggot! I'll need to prove my heterosexuality at every turn now, perhaps involving a lot of aggresive behaviour involving wife beating and rape. that'll show those frat boys at thespark.com who the faggot is. At least i'm not as gay as a certain ethnic friend of mine...
Hmm...800 typed word essay on french painter paul cezanne to do by tomorrow, must start that soon. if i can drag that sentence out into a couple of hundred words that would be great!
Hail all over today, i saw a wall of it coming for me, i walked through it, according to those watching, i'm a 'hard man', fuck i hate grammar culture. It was oh so cold and wet today, but i'm happy now. I keep coming up with philosiphical things to say, but forgetting them too quickly and i cannot write them down...i fear if i don't do it quickly i may be not using my gift to prevent suicides...
Ciao, ne?

>Nitro Microphone Underground<
Kendo made my head throb, i got to fight alot of people tonght, and i laughed when i saw one of the beginner girls checking herself out in the practice mirror! hehe, i love vanity! Hmmm, while i love vanity, i do hate neopets. ahhhh! i really hate them. I have calmed down a bit now hotmail has changed back again, Bill Gates must of heard me and heeded my warning! but i still hate him...
Anyway, Ja Ne until tomorrow...

Well, it appears my format looks different on a mac and on a pc, so to all you pc users, my journal looks different on your computer! I guess appearances can be deceiving...

Saw ring 2 last night and was vastly disapointed, not only in the film and its over-crazy cliches and situations, but also in jeremy, morgan, sammy and alexander for not giving me and tim a lift to town resulting in us taking a bus in early and staring at people gamble their lives away, and also their children's futures. i hate people, or i did seeing that last night anyway.
Kendo tonight, it will be very exhausting i think. i hope i don't die.
I HATE MICROSOFT! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HOTMAIL! AHHHH! Im definatly changing to a different email place.
OK, il will go now, im tired after walking home from Tim's house at 11 30 or so last night. (I love the Gypsy Kings)
JA NA!

HAPPY HAPPY MONKEY MONKEY LUCKY LUCKY

Well well well. That last entry can be explained by a depressing mood on sunday evening...now that is cleared up, i shall continue my quest for perfection! Bwahahaha!
Yesterday. monday. school started. Big Brother ended. went to another movie. missed kendo (again). reasonably happy day, although still dazed and confused, for reasons which i will not go into...

I have found i have an innate amzing ability o be able to drift in and out of a depressive state (side note - My mother is doing some magazine commercials advertising anti depressants at the moment) just by listening to the right music or cheering myself up, i cannot understand people who are depressed all the time, frustrated yes, depressed no.

Going to see Ring 2 tonight, apparently there is another sequel and also a prequel as well. It should be fun. I must contact Steve (the mac) from anime club to see if he was able to get me a ticket for the Final Fantasy preview...i sure hope so. Seeing Ring 2 will make that going to the movies seven times in as many days...wow...i have not done that sort of thing for a while!

My friend Meiji came back from is holiday of sorts in Japan today and i got a choco pie (chocolate coated vanilla cream sandwich pie), he will continue to exchange in New Zealand until the end of seventh form, two years is an awful long time to exchange, ne?...ah i must find money so i can back pay the AAC all the money i will owe them come 1 week (a grand total of $15, shut up, it is hard for me to find money). I also need money for more movies, maybe i should look in to getting a job...perhaps writing reviews? I should also get off my ass and go to the university to find out what to do to enrol for next year coming off sixth form marks...anyway this entry has gone on long enough
...Ja Na!

I am not what you think I am.

Yo oshido!
yetserday i saw Swordfish and Shrek, the first of those being only so-so, but i really enjoyed Shrek, because it reminded how fun movies can be without too much sex and violence. However that high note from those two movies (and Mystery Men at my friends house later) was taken away from me today whilst walking home from my friends house when i saw a magazine cover that said "Nicole's divorce WIN"...seeing that made me feel sick...no one can truly win in a divorce, and i pity the fool who believes they can. Divorces are painful periods and not a game one can win at.
On a side note, i chirped up when i thought of a semi-philosiphical saying - 'one may walk wak the same route, but not take the same path'. Take it as you like it anyhow.

I am feeling guilty because i havnt got any money to go and see a play put on at the Aotea centre by the Aotearoa young people's theatre company called "The Love Wrangler - a fairytale for the hopeless", and since i cannot go and see it i thought i would advertise it to anyone reading my journal! hahaha. you ask me why i want to see it so much? I reply "one of my oldest and best friends Ralph Engle, an aspiring young actor, was picked out of 300 people or so, along with seven others to be in the cast, and i really want to support him", so if any of you have nothing to do and have about $10 - $15 spare i encourage you to see it, it runs every night until the 19th of July.

Hmmm, school starts tomorrow and i must start and finish reading "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey" by tomorrow...oh dear. Gah! I am also gonna see that freak Ben Glynn first period...ahhhhhhhhh...fuck off Glynn! Oh well catch y'all on the flip side...

WAIHEKE ISLAND A.K.A FINN'S PIMP EMPIRE

This was tres interesting, for some degrading, for others fun, and others depressing, amidst other emotions. I think i felt somethng in every emotional category possible, but overall i had a good time, and at the same time i feel guilty, and i think that probably everyone else there had something to feel guilty about too. Anyway thats being cynical. I enjoyed myself, i did lots of stuff for the first time, ie, i swam at a beah for the first time this year, although my boxers were not te warmest togs and 7pm on a windy island in the hauraki gulf. I did a fast from food and drink that lasted arong 24 hours ending on thursday's midnight, it was tres fun and exhausting! I also found myself incredibly depressed missing aspects of being in Japan (fergus, i think you can guess that one) watching other people, and for the first time in a while i had a most serene mood. Travis's first CD is good i think. Some people couldnt resist being angry, and if anything made the evening, tense it was these kinds of things, along with splitting of people into groups due to those 'randoms'.
The ferry back was quite good, if not a little boring, and sorry for not saying many goodbyes and so on to all the 'peeps'. I left in a huff because of no encounters with blue beard, black beard, long john silver, captain hook or pinochio.

Tim and I went to see evolution (i rate 3/5) at 7 10 pm, but i couldnt concetrate for the first half hour until i consumed a wakey wakey pill that Tim had bought at pizza pizza, considering i hadnt slept in about 34 hours.
Now i am at home, and bored, going to swordfish tomorrow with my japanese friend Toshi, it shall be great!

>OK<
This part will describe the film i went to see on thursday, Ring, a japanese horror film, and tonight after i get back from seeing evolution i will write a summary of the previous night, whilst trying not to offend anyone! Hoorah!

Well Ring is a supernatural thriller set in 1997 in Japan and involves curses and witchcraft for want of a better term for the latter, I dont want to give to much away so im only gonna describe the emotion i felt rather than the scenes.
1)This film is really good at making you scared, mainly because of its use of incredibly distrbing imagery, the disturbing film footage and sounds ive seen for a long time. Tension in scenes builds up well to the climax. However...
2)The film feels unsatisfactory when its finished, the audience wants to know more, and also a large portion of the film is really just filler. Also there are a few to many strange coincidences (or perhaps badly translated subs) such as 'The video is not of this world', and, 'Her father wasnt human'. I still really enjoyed the film and am going to attempt to see the sequel on tuesday which is apparently better.
Film reviews are boring me, so i think ill cease to write them from now on, i think ill just write the events of the day. They are also too long for me to write proper good ones here. Anyway ill write the summary later. Ja!

Kyo...Had a good day...i woke up at 8 30 or so to get the best out of the day, my mum bought us pastrys for breakfast, gave me $25 to go to Waiheke with my friends and a ticket to fo and see 'Ring' at the film festival...in the early afternoon i had Katsudon Set(o) at the Sushi Factory in town, Vulcan lane, it was really tasty, and very filling, they have a special of all you can eat sushi $15 for an hour on saturdays from 5pm, i will do that sometime. I went home and then returned to town to see 'Brother' in town with my japanese friends. i could not be bothered going to Kendo, and instead borrowed Sonic Adventurer 2 off JP and played it for a long time, im nearly finished now. Now to do a brief review of 'Brother'-
Overall i really enjoyed Brother, it was well made, nice high production values and a good story, and i would recommend it to most anyone, and the director/producer/star 'Beat' Takeshi Kitano said about it "It's my Pearl Harbour. I'm attacking American culture head-on - and just the like the Japanese in WWII, I'm failing miserably." And as i was watching i realised that the story actually symbolically represented the events in Pearl Harbour, but in such a subliminal way that no one really notices unless one compares the two. I had only three minor gripes with the film - 1) Shoddy line of dialogue evry 30 lines or so, 2) Alot of amateur actors dying who really know how to overact being shot, and finally 3) "Beat's" reluctance to finish the movie. The end is full of great places to end the film, although a tad predictable, that doesn't bother me, as much as ending the film after horrendous scene that really didn't work, in my opinion it should have ended a couple of scenes earlier. The characters are a strange, but likable bunch of misfits. This film is full of the actors that you easily recognise, but cannot place their names or what else they star in, i found myself realising that i had seen many of the japanese actors before as well as the western actors. Final line of review - Go and see the film if you get the chance.
Anyway, sayonara until the weekend, ill be enjoying wintery beaches on Waiheke! yay! Ja.

ok, for some reason mu journal is not putting in dividing lines, so ull have to bear with me until i fix the problem (the u lot can all bugger off! jst jking, i love you ALL, that includes timmy, RIP, woops slip of tounge there edwyn, sorry) tomorrow i am going to see a film called brother with my japanese friend toshi, i wrote a whole lot of stuff about the director but accidently deleted it so you can just go and find another page about him if you want more info on him, 'beat' Takeshi kitano (kikujiro). Also i have kendo tomorrow night. Thursday plans, morning/afternoon go and see scary jap movie ring, perhaps go and see evolution, and if i can get money, go to waiheke for the night. At the moment things i find cool (just because i want everyone to know) - Sonic Adventure 2, RPGs, 1984 by george orwell, classical studies, classical music (especially moxart, i like his stuff alot after seeing amadeus), art history, anime, movies, dragon ash and drawing and cooking. Wait for the neat entry, same time, same channel (disclaimer, those last 2 terms are actually not applicable in anyway) cya.

Hey hey hey, one might even say its christmas IV! or perhaps even Mu-Mu Music museum...or to make this journal make sense in accordance with this evening im gonna stick to LOVE AND PEACE! Well, let me start with a very brief review of this evenings anime, a similar account of what will appear in other peoples journals, so you might want to skip this part if you read aot of journals. Anyway, we watched Trigun, and it was good. Although it didnt really live up to my expectations, i prefered Cowboy Bebop. I also think vash could have worn his coat in a better way, i feel linked to him now, because we share hair. I was also slightly disapointed we didnt get to watch photon's ending. but h well that can go for another time. And i bet your reading this part even if you read other accounts of this evening. You sad, sad people! Perhaps Trigun didnt seem as good to mE Because a certain someone ruined an integral part of chrono trigger for me, after i held out so many years without knowing any plot line and with three weeks left till i finally play it...AHHHH. I really should have taken my other option this evening, i could have avoided a depressing fact and house visit. cue next paragraph. I found out upon arriving home that i could have gon to see shrek at the movies with some of my friends...maybe i should have done that..but i really do enjoy anime nights, how could i miss one? I lent some samurai pizza cats tapes to fergus and got my zelda 64 back as well today too... this entry is going from being properly structured to shite...oh well, im not the one reading it...that is my evil younger brother who has an obsession with discovering my previously unmentioned dark secrets! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! After anime, nandos was good, i practiced a little spanish and sang gypsy kings and actually didnt eat anything, but i still had fun. I ran out of room...new entry will divide and make sense. Promise ^_^

yo yo yo all! an incredible facade is the only way! ill prolly do and entry tonight after anime, and perhaps play around with my layout...thing of this entry as a prelude to an entry! bling bling!

...just to clarify that last entry, i dont mean to create any hostility between me and those particular people if they happen to read it, only i needed to get it off my chest. Im not calling for arguments or a feud, only reasons so i feel better about myself and also to clear the air so i can improve myself...

Hey all, another night at home, for my step mums birthday and my dad and her leaving party to florida. I spent the evening upstairs after the usual banquet of a dinner (ox tail stew followed by a lemon citris tart) here. and while upstairs i overheard stories of my parents taking e and my dad reciting the tale of how i walked in on his friend in a 69 when i was about 8...why does everyone find that so amusing... Today...finished reading 1984 by George Orwell, got a little closer to the end of chrono chross and Zelda DX. Once again due to smaller children in the room i am not able to delve into deeper and more personal issues such as why i hate humanity all of a sudden and realise that everyone is useless but me..this was only heightened by the incredibly depressing end to 1984. Now its on to the Illiad and the Odyssey, they will be great. OK...now they are gone i will attempt to divulge. At this time one might say i am incredibly frustrated with people who think they are better than me, but without providing any reasons. In my many groups of friends, the 3 main ones, 2 of the groups have 1 personl like this. This bugs me as i dont know why. I f people are not going to like me i would like to know a reason why- and in my personal opinion if they cant provide an answer it is them who are the lower human being, as i can stand not being liked, but when im being excluded because of this person without any reasons i feel cheated, pissed off, and curious. And with saying that i would also like to add that in my own personal experience nice guys tend to finish last, and this is what i hate about the world, it does not thrive off of love but of HATE and superiority. I may add to these thoughts at a later date, but for now i think thats enough repetitive rambling.

well well well, at home on a friday night using my dads old old computer to blog...he is going to America for 3 weeks on sunday, and so im staying here until he goes, and then probably all through august to give my mum a rest. I have also found out that once again my dad has some of his homeless friends staying at this house, so i will not stay here while hes gone, and nor will i be holding any kind of party or anime event. Im continuing my quest to learn html, but also not right at this moment because my brother who is reading this over my shoulder is an asshole and im trying to keep my journal url secret from him because hes a dick and will use the contents against me. Him knowing about it will also limit everything i talk about, so if im not very open bomb mail my brother at tamago_police@hotmail.com, or it could be tamagopolice@hotmail.com, im not sure which. Anyway support me and e mail him ( just put in both addresses) pleading him not to read my journal so i can improve it more! thank you everyone! I have a hell of alot more i want to write but i cant be bothered right at this minute so ill probably put in another entry a bit later on...bye for now ^_^

Hi Ho! this is working some what better than before, teaching myself html, and slowly but surly my page will imrove until it surpasses all others. FWAHAHAHAHAHA! anyway back to self taught html...i feel like kintaro ^_^

work damn you work!!!

damn it load up the page it is not working!

Well...this is it...I have taken the plunge...I have started an online journal. Now the first worry that I have is the grammar and spelling being correct in at least my first entry...but what I am really worried about is a leak of this to the grammar community. Soon i could be the subject of much hassling. Oh well. All roads lead to Rome. And on that subject matter, as Caesar said "Alea Jacta Est"