Descending into a dream...
Keeping it real. Bouncing down the street. You know what I mean? Super walking. Making it fly. Rock and try. There will be no die. That is what is to be. Life is an R-O-A-D!
My brothers you listen. Here is my journal. Life is n the upswing. I have no idea what I am doing. Would you believe it is also on the downswing? Can I do last night again? Like go back in time?
Will I bother doing the whole superplayingdescribingrockinganalyticalportrayal for myself? I hope so. Or here is the short version. I am complex but I am not. Move your head! Get around!
This year has a host of new experiences. Drugs. Alcohol. Girls. Independence. Working. Walking. Dancing. I hope these rends continue and everyone is excellent to each other. Of course with all the good comes all the bad. But let’s make the good mine. Let’s hold the good and shun, no change, the bad. My eyes hurt. Did you know that?
What is your master plan? I have no plan. Planning leads to pain. That would be one thing I learnt this year. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to shut up or stop doing what I was doing. But then I wouldn’t have been following my feelings, my mind or my heart. So would that have been good or bad?
Everyone should probably have stopped reading this entry a long time ago. It doesn’t make much sense. And I am not even under anything’s influence.
closure is the key.
Experience.
Never ever?
Good. Bad. All the same?
Go away…or love…or close.
I have nothing to do tonight how about you other people I want to something with someone. I want to do a lot of things. I probably won’t get to though. I NEARLY have three thousand hits. What a laugh! I wish the New Year wouldn’t come. I want to stay in this year. I hope the new year holds better things. If it gets better than this.
It was rising rapidly and now it has fallen dramatically, but there is nothing to take its place, and I have little sympathy, in fact it shames me.
So how is everyone else enjoying St. Nicks holiday?
I hope you are having fun. It seems I am incapable of having any extraordinary fun. Whenever things get good, getting great something happens to bring me down again. It happened last night and it happened again today. I think my fate is sealed. I can’t be bothered going into either of the mood changing events now. Ask me if you really want to know.
I am going away on the 1st of January. I was dismayed at first to learn I would be away from my friends for so long but now I can’t wait to go. I want to leave this place. What does it all mean? Why am I perpetually asking myself this? I find my mind tells itself what it wants to hear and warps the truth. I know it is Christmas and I should be feeling happy but I can’t catch a break.
I guess I will try and do some kind of personality analysis thing/ year review for the coming new year. I have such a high self esteem but only low thoughts so this will be interesting.
See ya.
Man/Buzzy/Wicked/Chill/Steaming/Boiling/Trippy...PHAT!
Bring it on...
After counting my entries last night (a meticulous but also interesting task which had me reading about my past self) I realised that this would be my 120th entry to write. In order to honour that I thought I would share some of my kinkiest moments with men for all you who were interested (if other people have kinky stories that involve me tell me and I’ll write them up here). There will be no kinky moments between me and that other gender in this entry that is all too normal to shock anyone. So men it is! Let the harassment of Finn begin!
>Matthew’s story<
It all started with the taking of photos in extravagant clothes. Feeling excited and looking for a way to top all we had taken, we came up with a great composition which is yet to be developed, and hopefully will be allowed through the processor and into my pocket and not denoted as pornography. Whilst Laura and Katherine waited downstairs, I undressed, took two cowboy hats, and wearing one, and holding the other in position over my groin, Matt, unashamed to be in the same room as a naked man his age, took a photo of me, made all the more kinky by a the motion of a kiss being blown.
>Andrew’s story<
Mentioned in "Drunk as Fuck" (reference: Archives, October 2001), Andrew Wade, more colloquially known as Wazzamataz, first removed my belt while I lay drunk and helpless, and then after being whipped with it I had it taken from me and it was hidden the Wade-Meister. After successfully having removed my pants, Andrew failed to remove my boxers in front of a bewildered and speechless group of girls. He later that night went on to preach about what a great guy I was. He really did save day. And surprisingly with no help from his optometrist or badminton club!
>Robert’s story<
Just the other day, during the recession that followed the watching of the Evangelion movies, Jenny, Robert’s elder sister was making brownies. I managed to secure myself the spoon covered in delicious chocolate batter. Robert, getting intensely jealous, made a pact with me. We then began to lick a side of the spoon each at the same time. Very nearly homoerotica, but tongues did not touch.
>Tim’s story<
Perhaps I should entitle these stories because there are a few, but now I’ll just go into two. The first took place at the same time as Andrew Wade’s. Tim also was whipping me until my stomach was red with my leather belt. If sadism isn’t kinky I don’t know what is. But anyway, perhaps the kinkiest of all things in this entry was the eating of a piece of ham. Whilst my brother and his friends, children of family friends, and Scarlett and Laura looked on, Tim and I devoured a piece of ham, à la Lady and the Tramp and spaghetti. We came so close to kissing, but didn’t. I don’t think it gets any kinkier than that.
While everyone has had the opportunity for kinkiness galore with me, the most oft comes at dinner tables and on the street, where common occurrences can be described ad under table rubbing of legs and knees, holding hands on the street, and even the occasional grab of the ass cheek. We just can’t help ourselves! There have also been numerous occasions of the tongues of Tim and myself touching random objects about Auckland, most memorable for Tim- Gravel and also a Suitcase in Regent duty free, while for myself, I name my greatest triumph to be the S.P.Q.R post at school.
Anyway I hope everyone enjoyed reading these stories that will be remembered for all eternity, and will hopefully inspire others to do similar things. Don’t let your walls close you in!
I cannot remember for the life of me what I said I was going to talk about in that last entry. If I read it maybe I would, but I cannot be bothered right now.
Life is on the upside at the moment. For me anyway. I wish I hadn’t committed myself to the family holiday in early January. Now I don’t get to have a rocking New Year raucous. I also will have the horrid gut wrenching pain of not being with my friends in those physically exhausting thirteen days. I'll be with you in spirit. Don’t forget me. Or Robert.
Speaking of being physically exhausted, how are these last few days working out for me? So much walking has taken place that soon my legs will implode. Or explode, depending on my mood. And tonight I took part in Kendo, my last lesson for the year. Sadly it was also Toshiharu Kamei’s. It was so sad to have to say goodbye to Toshi today. After being good friends with anyone for a substantial amount of time, or even a time that was short and sweet, it hurts to let it alone. I may have lost many friends recently…but they weren’t friends that I valued, Toshi was. After a semi-tiring lesson, where I pitted all I had in a final Ippon-Shobu against my good friend (photos available soon) we shared a drink and closed another chapter in my life. I left a bookmark there though, and hopefully the wonders of technology will keep us good friends. After all good friends are all that really matter now.
I may be in a contradicting emotional state- finding out who my real friends are while I lose one of my best, as well as leave some behind at Grammar- but the physical ruin shall continue. Over the next three days I have been allotted to fourteen hours of work- that being twelve hours of digitising and two of cleaning. Late, dark nights spent in small rooms with glowing monitors just off K’rd. Enjoyable? No. But alas mandatory. Not only as it is a work commitment, but also as the obligatory Christmas shopping begins next week. And if I have the time, my closest friends at the moment shall be receiving beautiful cards. I hope they will anyway, if the claustrophobic dark rooms do not drive me to insanity first- but hey, that could really add something to those cards!
Final points of notice…Due to a dinner on the Saturday eve, I shall not be coming to the Park of Christmas until a little later, if at all, depending on stuff being organised or not. I also have two - nearly three – rolls of film to develop. I plan on getting some photo albums and organising all my photos. However don’t expect some of the kinkier ones to be there, they are not for my families’ eyes- you know what I am talking about Matt.
I also got closure on Evangelion today by watching the movies, as well as on Cowboy Bebop in watching the film last night Chez Zeb (I apologise for being so anti-social too, and thanks EB for the card). And now this entry shall find closure - here.
Look at me! I demand and crave attention!
 | If I were a work of art, I would be Sandro Botticelli's Birth of Venus. I am a beautiful and alluring composition, not afraid to show off a good deal of bare flesh. People surround me and gaze at me with the adulation due a goddess and friendly breezes gently push me along my path in life. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test |
Alluring? I would certainly hope so!
Waiheke has fallen through of sorts, we could have gone last night, but didn't. Now 'we are going on wednesday until sunday'. yeah right. even if we did I'd be back on saturday to attend christmas in the park. Everyone at Kris's bach except Andrew and I. Yay...
My friends have no idea on how to plan anything and it is pissing me off because in this particular situation because I can't do anything about it! (Not my friends who go to any kind of Grammar school, the other ones).
I want to do something tonight. And I will try. Please aid me in discovery of things to do. I guess being in Auckland makes me eligible for Anime on Tuesday as well. Last one too...since when did Anime break up for Christmas? It may have done last year, I was away by that point though.
I'll try and do another entry tomorrow because there is something I don't have time to talk about now. So bye!
I have decided to take the title of "The Illusionist". Whilst having to no direct relevance to myself, I believe it sounds rockin’ enough to take as a title, that no one will call me by, and consequently will end up on the cutting room floor like so many other titles.
So, How about that finishing school? Of course I have not had school at all since November 16th, but now it is over proper, and I can say I left on a high note with a good testimonial that is mostly bullshit. But hey, I won’t complain. Now no school until early March…
What else is new? I wanted to write a long and glorious entry, but I don’t see that happening. Life has been on the good side actually, and I am glad I chose to spend time with my family last weekend, but also apologise to the Anime Club, I wasn’t in a very social mood, hence I didn’t want to bring that emotion to the cosplay. Same on Sunday, avoided seeing many a friend in order to go to family things. However with that apathetic weekend out of the way I look forward to seeing my friends. So tomorrow I go to Waiheke (hopefully) and bid Auckland adieu for a week. Hopefully I’ll be having people join me progressively in the time I am there. Anyway, this is the Illusionist signing off.
That title doesn’t work at all does it. Don’t call me that!