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02.01.02-02.16.02
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I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
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e-mail: fragglerock
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My room smells distinctly of over-ripe grapefruit.
Monday, March 18, 2002
What I did today:
1. Wrote a UWC mini-course called How To Write A Book Review.
2. Dropped Math 130
3. Tracked down Dr Addison and had her sign our Honors Contract
4. Turned in Honors Contracts for Eng 431 and Eng 475
5. Went to Voice Principles and felt dwarfed by the voice majors
6. Picked up check at work and made a deposit
7. Went to staff meeting
8. Worked. (In the truest University Writing Center sense of the word. I lay on a couch reading The Rape of the Lock and not a single person came in for tutoring.)
9. Went to the Al-Andalus concert.
And at this point I could be working on my take-home midterm for English 475. But instead I am updating the weblog that no one save myself reads. Think I may have found a decent place to live. Well decent is up for interpretation...it actually bears a strong resemblance to a shanty from Deliverance and is conveniently located near our friendly neighborhood crack dealer...but the rent is cheap. Still looking, but that's on the back burner.
Off to read the Awakening and maybe do my exam.
Branwyn blogged at 9:58 p.m. EST
"Feelings of inadequacy are common among the inadequate."
Sunday, March 17, 2002
Hehehe. The New Yorker is lots of fun.
I was in 8th grade when I experienced the internet for the very first time. I have a very old computer with a 2400 modem--so slow that I couldn't see graphics on websites, only text. And my first few attempts at chat were hilarious. I'd never used a keyboard before and my phone line was frayed so it added characters to my conversation. (This was in the days before I discovered java and like programs--we're talking straight modem to modem communion.
Justin: Hello? Brittany, are you there?
Me: jUSmkn4359In? i can%t &(%find the kEy ohg her_e x
And for some reason the way he "laughed" online bothered me. He always said "hehe" when I thought a more natural laugh would be "ha ha." We would get into fights about this. Of course I say/type "hehe" now. I conformed.
Don't ask me what that had to do with anything. So, today I am going to try to finish the Anne Sexton biography, go driving, figure out my finances, and read the Awakening. ^_^
Branwyn blogged at 11:48 a.m. EST
you're letting me down...
Friday, March 15, 2002
I have decided to stop doing homework for awhile and just kinda coast. I am curious to see how long it takes before my grades are affected. My guess is that they won't be. Significantly at least.
Quote of the Day:
"The combination of an Asian sense of face with a Jewish sense of guilt may be the most powerful commercial hybrid in history." -- Adam Gopnik "A PURIM STORY"
Just came back from the Knightdale Seafood and Barbecue. The tea tasted like catfish and it was odd to be at dinner with both my parents at once for the first time since first grade. But not unpleasant.
Up at 5 tomorrow morning to make the trek back to Cullowhee. I am from this point forward obliged to myself to be financially responsible. Which means I can no longer go on book buying binges at half.com. If anyone knows of good used bookstores in the WNC area, do let me know.
Branwyn blogged at 6:56 p.m. EST
Spring Break
Monday, March 11, 2002
It's funny how every time I come home I think I'll enjoy myself and every time I find myself yearning deep in my soul to be somewhere, ANYWHERE else before two days are over.
Reading Marcus Aurelius, Dante, Freud and Henry James. If that's not enough to take my mind off the environment I don't know what is.
Branwyn blogged at 08:33 p.m. EST
cause i'm a moron
Wednesday, March 6, 2002
Who's Your Inner Music Industry Diva? Find out @ She's Crafty
Ahh, you are "Velveta Shells and Cheese". You are expensive,
no
denying this, but its the price you pay for quality. You
don't even require other food supplies. Water and a pan
is all you need to get by. That silver
bag your cheese
comes in looks like something out of the 23rd century, but
it's cool! And those crevices in the shells hold the cheese
so well... You
Rock! Take the What Kind of Macaroni and Cheese Are You? Quiz
Created by
LJ User RobProv222
Which Buffy Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Branwyn blogged at 11:20 p.m. EST
More hairdye than you can shake a stick at.
6 March 2002
Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty
Got the extra bottle of dye today and made the necessary touch ups. I feel a lot better about it even though I think I should opt for something a little lighter next time. I am discovering something about myself thanks to my Shakespeare class: I have a cruel streak a mile wide. There is a girl in my class who rouses all my worst third grade instincts--the kind I never actually had in third grade. I absolutely want to take this girl by the pig tails and grind her face into a mud puddle. The worst thing is that I know how irrational I'm being. She's a sweet girl and she's even reasonably bright. She brings us candy. She make relatively insightful comments. But she is so...silly. That's the only word I can think of for her. And that FOR SOME REASON is enough to make me murderous. Well not murderous. It simply taps into an appetite for humiliation that I never realized was part of me. It's a little disturbing. But I'll get to the bottom of that.
Branwyn blogged at 11:07 p.m. EST
Hell yeah.
5 March, 2002
Which Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy character are
you?
What Harry Potter student are you?
Which Rainbow Brite kid are you? By  Growing.
Branwyn blogged at 9:24 p.m. EST
Everything is better when frozen.
4 March 2002
Yesterday I did these things:
1. Found an article for the Shakespeare assignment.
2. Began writing Shakespeare paper.
3. Stopped writing Shakespeare paper.
4. Started writing Shakespeare paper.
5. Stopped writing Shakespeare paper.
6. Started NCUR research paper.
7. Stopped NCUR research paper.
8. Started Shakespeare paper.
9. Attempted to write Shakespeare paper and NCUR paper simultaneously.
10. Had soul-deep conversation with self and was reminded that I don't have to do everything in one sitting.
11. Also admitted, during soul-deep conversation with self, that since coming to college, and specifically since realizing what I'm capable of as a student, that I have become a maddening perfectionist and a relentless taskmaster. And that I'm about to drive my roommate, who doesn't do homework, nuts.
12. Started reading a new Lee Smith novel.
13. Watched Iron Chef.
14. Dyed my hair.
15. Realized that hair dye is not even and therefore looks rather strange but decided not to sweat it for a day and fix it with another box of dye at another time.
16. Ate a frozen Pink Lemonade.
17. Made the executive decision not to go to class in the morning, and went to bed without setting alarm.
Branwyn blogged at 12:45 p.m. EST
I stole this one from Liz of course.
Saturday, March 2, 2002
Which Chess Piece
Are You?
Branwyn blogged at 12:52 a.m. EST
Weather more mercurial than a middle school girl's mood.
2 March, 2002
Dr Williams has been and gone and left us all spinning in the wake of his brilliance, as usual. Upon closer acquaintance I found that Dr Williams was either absolutely uninterested in me or generally not as friendly as he seems to be during his lectures--or specifically after his lectures when he takes questions. I was pleasantly surprised by how disappointed I wasn't. And I was curiously surprised by what I saw of Dr Warner. I think it's a fairly typical thing to assume that a person is better adjusted than they often turn out to be. Considering my own previous aspirations to Dr Warner's own profession and what I observed of her I wonder if some kind of basic neediness drives people into religious orders. I would hope that a nun, like a priest, would be stable enough to take care of other people but it's impossible to be really sensitive to other people's needs when you're neglecting your own. Dr Williams is so important to her that I feel like he may have been to her what Terry was to me in the early part of our relationship--and that she's never moved beyond that initial stage of neediness. Well. I know enough now to avoid taking a class with her; I am content to pity her from afar. But it's sad to understand people without being able to do anything for them.
Liz has decided to write about me in her webjournal and since the only people who read my webjournal are Liz and Diana and since I have no guarantee that she's reading my emails since she hasn't replied to any of them, I will address her here. My complaint with you, Liz, wasn't that you aren't talking to me much lately. God knows I understand being busy. I mentioned that I feel like you only talk to me when you want to criticize me because I felt like that illustrated the point that I really DO feel the need to complain about. That point being your feeling the necessity to criticize me in the first place. Telling someone that everything they do is WRONG (which can only be a matter of your opinion versus mine in the first place) is not automatically equivalent to worrying about them. It does feel equivalent to having no respect for them. And that's what I got fed up with.
I am sorry that you don't believe in the changes that have happened in my life over the last six months. But if you are really concerned that I'm going to slip into some kind of post-elation depression are your criticisms attempts to forestall that depression? Do you think that by telling me that I'm wasting my time at a school which has provided me wonderful educational opportunities I will suddenly gain an aspect of mental health I've never had before? Giving someone a "hard time" is the strangest way of supporting them in depression that I've ever heard of.
So keep screaming if that makes you feel better about yourself. I know it's important to feel like a victim when you want to be the most important person on the block.
And maybe if I make you mad enough you'll decide to reply to me.
Branwyn blogged at 12:23 a.m. EST
Damn Liz, coming up with all these tests....
Saturday, February 23, 2002
I guess this isn't as bad as one of the fifty's princesses with no personality at all...
I am totally into Rafiki.
Which Lion King Character Are You?
Created by CrazyCoasterCo.
Branwyn blogged at 08:20 p.m. EST
Life is Time's fool.
Saturday, February 23, 2002
John Barton, of the Royal Shakespeare Company's Playing Shakespeare, series is at Davidson even now...it would be nice if Dr Williams introduced us to the RSC people. But it wouldn't take much to make tomorrow a wonderful day. I hate the need for sleep. I fell into bed at ten last night and didn't get up till noon today. That's fourteen fucking hours. When I sleep I am not conscious. I--ugh. Blow winds and crack your cheeks. Rage, blow--Yeah. I'll never play Lear. But he's fun to listen to. I need to read, clean, write, work, research. But I'm reading I Henry IV and that's enough to distract anyone from anything.
Branwyn blogged at 6:16 p.m. EST
The Genre Fiction Presentation
Friday, February 22, 2002
So through a series of elegant accidents Terry and I had dinner at Soho tonight and attended Catherine Carter's presentation on writing genre fiction at City Lights bookstore. This is Terry's new plan for retirement and summers--writing galloping narratives. As well as editing my novel, which he calls "genuine writing." As opposed to genre writing which I suppose is illicit.
There is really something about movie soundtracks. Even though the Lord of the Rings movie didn't really affect me the way it affected others the music--from the end particularly when Boromir is sent over the waterfall in his funeral barge--makes me want to go on a quest. If only a full orchestra would travel behind me in a rig and accompany my adventures, I would. While we were eating, Terry started having what I call an oral memory--he started talking and in the middle of what he was saying he was telling a story about his parents. It was a sweet little story made poignant by his father's recent death and suddenly this very pretty, kinda sentimental music started playing. The moment was so perfectly yet randomly timed that we stopped for a minute then started laughing. "The Breaking of the Fellowship" was very poignant for me in the book and the movie handled that scene very nicely, or so I thought. The lyrics to the song aren't particularly stunning but they're quite pretty.
When the cold of Winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain
But in dreams
I still hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again.
When the seas and mountains fall
And we come to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there
I will go there
And back again.
Branwyn blogged at 08:57 p.m. EST
I'm Daria. Who's surprised? Not me.
22 February 2002
Well I suppose that's better than the Daria character with whom I actually share a name. I go to see Merchant of Venice with Terry and Dr Williams (and a whole bunch of other arts favulty) on Sunday. It will be a long trip. Dr Williams is my idol. I am going on a long trip with my idol. I believe many good things can be said for the human capacity for idolatry and worship. Inasmuch as I have any capacity at all it is centered around this man. I have yet to decide if it's wrong to want to go to Michigan for his sake. I really do want him to direct my dissertation. And it's not like I'm throwing myself away by following someone. Michigan is a top 10 school--if I go to Michigan I will actually be on one of those Northern campus where, in the academic world, *things actually happen.* Which will be incredibly odd. But I think I am ready to leave the south, at least for awhile. Part of me thinks my destiny is eternally wed to Cullowhee...even though I don't believe in destiny...or in being eternally wedded to anything or anyone. But I really can't stand to think that some day I will leave Cullowhee forever. When Janisse Ray came in September she talked about homes, how some people are born into them and others wander into them. Well. I do have some graduate school to get through first. I needn't necessarily hash out my future right before math. Argh. Math.
Branwyn blogged at 08:29 a.m. EST
I am very happy with my Greek Goddess.
21 February 2002
 See which Greek Goddess you are.
I like Hera a lot. I actually tied between Hera and Aphrodite but to be honest I like Hera better. I'm into female sexual power and what have you but I guess if it came right down to it I'd rather have the power to seriously fuck up people's lives. Even though I'm lying and I'm really not into having power of any kind. Except for the nontemporal sort. That's what teaching is for. Hehehe.
I have decided that I want to become a seventies rock and roll glam girl. In pursuit of that object I am today wearing my teeny-bopper shirt and putting my hair into a strange style. I may take pictures too. Wouldn't that be fun?
Which British
Band Are You?
So I REALLY wanted to be the Cure, but hey. MSP are cool.
Branwyn blogged at 8:11 a.m. EST
I'm a Ward girl!
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
Branwyn blogged at 11:45 p.m. EST
Camille Paglia
19 February 2002
The books I ordered from half.com came in today and I have been reading Camille Paglia. She's a lot of fun. Terry compared me to her and that's why I looked her up in the first place and all I can say is--I wish.
So as much as I hate it, I can't skip anymore classes. Absences turned one of my A's into a B+ last semester and as infantilizing as I think attendance policies are I have to comply with them if I want a certain grade. The thing is--I go to classes that make a place for me. But my classes this semester with the exception of Shakespeare are a joke. I can only do so much in a class where the instructor has to explain carefully that the blacks and whites in Dante's time were political parties not races.
I am now a movie reviewer for the Western Carolinian and in order to do my job effectively it is necessary that I see movies. And I don't get to do that very often. I am thinking of seeing Crossroads for the pure joy of destroying it, as I did Black Hawk Down. If you have a recommendation, sign my guestbooks. ^_^
Branwyn blogged at 9:42 p.m. EST
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