hey you bitch!
Fergie-Kun was asleep!

The first time in ages that i've gotten out of bed to answer the phone (as I thought it may have been steve or someone letting me know about today) and it's a blimmin' wrong number!
My house and phone number has nothing at all to do with marine wildlife, you silly bat!
She read out the number she was given, and it wasn't the number she dialed, it was actually very different, so how the hell she ended up dialing mine is insane.

Fergie-kun likes sleep
Fergie-kun's sleep disturbed
But Fergie-kun had to get up around now anyway, so it's not too bad.


M2, that music program that runs while nearly everyone is asleep on TV2, is quite good.
Show's a lot of stuff.
They had the top 5 animated music videos (they played 6 though) and number 2 was 'do the evolution' by Pearl Jam. Let's just say the music video was awesome, awesome, awesome.
I taped most of it (missed the first 10 seconds), but man is it good.

They also played a song that used Speed Racer for it's music video.
Song was pretty shitty, but it's very cool to see Speed Racer, hehe ^_^

What's funny is that the art for Speed Racer is pretty bad compared to anime now, but it looks way better than today's american crap.

Anyway, will end this here and watch 'do the evolution' hehe.

Went to the zoo today!
Was very cool, the Red Panda's are soooo cute! ^_^
Though I didn't see any penguins *sigh*
me like penguins.

I took some photo's too.
My only problem was that this one chimp in a cage, ugh >_<
I don't like seeing those barred cages at all.
Though I can think of the reasons for it being in the cage at the time, it's still not a nice sight.
Besides from that it was all good.

came home feeling rather exhausted, even though there wasn't any real reason to be...
must have been the heat and the headache it gave me.

And I'll be going Ice Skating tomorrow (well...today really) hehe, should be fun ^_^
Hopefully I won't knock myself out by colliding with a wall, like i did when i went rollerblading at a place many years ago ~_~

anyway, i really have more to write, but i'm feeling rather confused and muddled with what i'm doing at the moment, so i'll just bugger off ^_^
ja

okay, my entry didn't show up *grumble*

I'll sum up what I said because I'm too lazy to re-type it..

Finished reading the Card Captor Sakura manga, it was very good, me like.
Li is very cool too.
Tomoyo is very dodgy *shudder*

I watched some Patlabor TV episodes I haven't seen before, I love Patlabor, it's so nice and relaxing, even if it is a cop show with Mecha ^_^
The movies were so good too, I would give a lot to see them at the cinema.
And they're finally dubbing the tv series! hurrah!
hopefully they'll use the voice actors from the movies, I enjoyed the dub very much, probably my favourite dub of all time ^_^

anyway, better go to sleep now, I'm off to the zoo tomorrow (well, today really) with Steve-dono!
Oyasumi!

I hate Internet Explorer >_<

*GASP*
Joshu???
you smoke??

*even bigger gasp*

*confused* wha?? @_@

Pitas seemed to be down last night, so no entry from me.
I'll keep this brief as I should really get out of bed and do school work.

I'm still rather interested in finding out more about Uni, which proves myself wrong in thinking it was a one day phase.
cool ^_^

I'm trying to do a drawing to put in my clear file everyday (or at the very least every 2 days) and I did a funky picture last night ^_^ I'll have to show it to everyone sometime.
Also did a piccy of Hisoka the other night (of when he has hair wet after coming out of the shower, hehe), it's reasonably okay, I think I could do a better one though (and perhaps I shall).

I read this thing in the latest Listener about male vanity ^_^
It was very amusing and interesting, though I can see a few points that the writer didn't realise while talking about exercising and stuff.
Amazing all the stuff that we can have done now to enhance our appearance, male and female.
Personally (this applies to both good looks and exercising, which is kind of the same thing sometimes) I'd rather work for it, I wouldn't use steroids like so many others, not only cause it'snot very good, but because it seem's to me like the cheapo method (though I have no desire to have any sort of body that resembles anything that would ever need steroids, ugh >_<) and same for having some sort of operation on my face or something, *californian voice* like whatever.
Apparently male vanity came out in the open mainly when gay men tried to impress other men.
And I suppose there is a rather 'gayness' to it all ^_^
Though I have no problem with people being gay, hell I would be more open minded to being gay myself if there were more handsome males around (as Joshu says, men are ugly) and then I could also drool over Hisoka and Iori openly!
hurrah!
But I could never betray my fangirls, and besides, girls are so damn fine (well most of the time, and that's good enough for me!)
There are a fair few cute girls in the city btw, they make good targets for semi-stalking, because you don't actually have to be stalking them, you just 'happen' to be going in the same direction as them.
I haven't done it much, honest ^_^;;;
I'm really not that dodgy a person, i'd just been listening to 'girls' by Beastie Boys too much at the time, hehe.
And hey, stalking someone is fun!
I mean, I'm sure i'm not the only one to do something like that, give Clara a long haired pretty boy and you're guaranteed to have her stalking that person to their grave ^_^
I don't think any one would ever really stalk me though, I have had girls wink and smile at me though (completely 100% true, 3 girls at last count, another 1 walked up to me and said I looked 'pretty' (though I think handsome would have been a better word) then she quickly walked off looking really embarassed)
Can you see now why I have an ego?
It's hard to not have a slight one after that ^_^

This entry has turned out to be not so brief, oh well.
better end it here before I make more a fool of myself.
ja.

NP: Powderfinger - D.A.F

Ack! I'm supposed to be a slacker when it comes to school related things! and I am, but I've been spending heaps of this evening looking through booklets for the University of Auckland O_o
God why?????!

I've never ever been interested in it before, and I don't know what suddenly got me so interested in it, wah! >_<
I hate things I can't understand! O_o

I haven't really seen too much in the way of course's that have caught my eye, but then again I haven't looked too hard yet.

brrrr, this is so unlike me it's stupid.
It's actually kind of a fiddle trying to find out some info, the website isn't that helpful and the booklets provide the info, but sometimes seem to contradict itself later on, so I don't know if it's right or not.

Why can't they make things extra simple for very slow people like me, eh? ^_^
need more info!

I very much doubt I'd try to get into Uni for next year though, If I see something that interests me I'll aim for 2003.
And spend next year working, earning money, going to Japan, and basically doing not much else!
hurrah!
sounds like a plan!

anyway, too tired to think anymore on it, so oyasumi!

Hey, it's October 13th.
I didn't realise just what that meant until a few minutes ago.
And I don't think any of you will either, except of course one person.
Last year it was a friday the 13th, which is of course supposed to be all bad and stuff, but on the contrary, it was probably one of the more happy and memorable days of my life ^_^

A year since then, eh?
God time goes quickly.
weird.

Okay.
So I went to Finn's last night, though not via Steve. Detective Conan was pretty cool.
I got more and more detached from everyone and everything the longer the night went on though.
And yes, I think depression has maybe finally sunk in.

I've come to the realisation that I'm never really happy.
I may enjoy something and think it's great, but it doesnt make me happy, and the rare times something does make me happy......the feeling doesn't last long and I slip back into being unhappy.
Throughout my life I can't really think of a period of time that I have been happy with everything in my life....
Well...I can actually, the point is that that sadly all too brief time has gone, and I find myself trying to do things that make me happy, but fail.
Steve's little return holiday is good, it's brightened things up a bit for me, But I feel I can't fully enjoy it because of this empty hole in me.

I see others in the club....they all look happy, they look like they're having fun.
I'm not sure if people think i'm generally a rather happy person, but i'm not, I play around a lot and be silly.
I feel like even though there are others younger than me in the club, that I'm the youngest....
It's like everyone is more experianced with life than me, when I'm with everyone else I feel like a child.
I think I think this way because :
a) I've been very unsocial these 3 years previous, not getting out much and not really being that bright.
b) I like being silly and having fun and basically act rather playful.
And I enjoy being like this (apart from the in-experiance thing), but since no one else acts like that, I feel so out of place from everyone else.
Maybe I would be really happy with everything if I managed to get over this 'hole' as I shall call it.
I'm happy with myself pretty much, I'm just not happy with life.
I'm having fun and enjoying myself to the point that I should be happy, but i'm just not.
poo, why am I even going on about this?
I seriously doubt anyone really cares.
In fact I'm starting to doubt a lot of peoples friendship, do they care? Would they bother to get in contact with me if we hadn't talked in a while?
With so many people I can see the answer "no"

*10mins later*
Damn, I'm not feeling good ~_~

I'm tired too, I stayed the night at Finn's, we basically sang to music, played with tennis balls, read childrens books and just talked about things till 3:30am in the morning.
I got only 3 hours sleep though, so am very tired now.
will probably sleep soon.

hurrah for sleep, i can forget my problems and drift off into dream land....
oh, wait a second, I've been having depressing dreams lately (which I'm assuming is the main cause for my depression at the moment), so it's no escape ~_~
*sigh* even when I sleep life taunts me..

well whatever, time to end this, goodbye ~_~

(I'll leave you with the lyrics to an awesome depressing-ish Garbage song called 'no.1 crush')

"I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine

I would cry for you
I would cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears, and drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you,
I will sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talkin'
You will believe in me, and I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, you're just like me

Violate all the love that I'm missin'
Throw away all the pain that I'm livin'
You will believe in me, and I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you,
Take the cross for you
to be part of you
Because I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you"

I Keep having these really depressing dreams! >_<
argh!
I've had one every night for a week now, and It's not like I'm feeling depressed or anything these last few weeks.
Though one of the dreams was rather amusing, I entered a Go competition and while my mum talked to the lady in charge about it, I played pool with some people....except I was using car exhausts instead of the pool sticks O_o;;;;
weird, but funny.

Also went and got some new clothes today as well as a doggie collar for my Iori cosplay costume ^_^
hehe, it's very cool.
Anyway, Steve is picking me up to take me to Finn's anime night, so I had better shower and stuff!
Ja

I don't get what's up with this freedom thing and the terrorists taking it away from us, call me stupid, but I really don't get it yet.. ^_^;;;;;
And it's true the terrorists brought these strikes from america upon themselves.
I don't quite understand why they'd attack the US though, they must have known that they'd get their ass kicked even if they did manage a surprise attack that was fairly impressive.
But also in saying that the terrorists brought America's response upon themselves, you can also say the same for america bringing the terrorists actions upon themselves.
It probably keeps going back like that for a fair while and is rather confusing...
But when you think about it, it's rather stupid isn't it? ^_^

Yeah! rid the world of religion! (that's bound to piss somebody off, hehe)
But that wouldn't really stop anything, religion is just used as an excuse to fight, though you have to admit, it has caused a lot of deaths *thinks of the bible*
Like I said once before, I blame human emotion, if we were all uncaring drones of people, we would live peacefully......but also be very boring ^_^

It's rather fun debating idea's though, but some people don't take kindly to difference in opinions, ah well, too bad for them.
The only thing I refuse to accept is people saying this is world war 3.
This isn't even as bad as the gulf war yet, and people don't call that world war 3, now do they?

A world war to me is when you have a fair bunch of different countries on different sides fighting in more than one place in the world.
That is a world war.

One thing I hate most about all this terrorist/afghanistan/US stuff is that it's all so serious. I hate serious things, people should lighten up about it..
Sure there have been lots of people killed and possibly many more will be soon, but hey, that's life, eh? ^_^
(man, I'm weird sometimes)
anyway, don't have much else to say at the moment.
Hopefully this'll be the last you'll hear of this world related thing for a little while from me.
So, no one provoke me into talking about it, understand? ^_^

Anyway, ja na, I may write later.

The Terrorists want the US to back out of middle east matters, they're not trying to take away our freedom.
They threaten ths US as much as they like, telling them that the america will perish, blah blah blah, but they mainly just want them to back off.
They're going about it in a stupid way though.
The terrorist attacks to me seemed more revenge for the US being so nosey and a warning to keep out of things that don't concern them more than 'we want to screw up your country'.
If they wanted to screw up the US they could have easily done it already, they would have done what they did on september 11th but on a bigger scale, thus giving little time for America to find it's feet and get prepared.

Afghanistan does have a problem with the US, as does just about every middle east country.
I'm not saying everyone has a burning hatred against the US, I know that there are people who love america and live there, just as some do here, but there are plenty of fanatics in each of those countries, and it's always the fanatics voice that is heard over the passive ones.
They are the ones that keep the hatred burning and try to spread it, and maybe with the air strikes going on at the moment, they may be finding it easier to spread it among the people, I don't know.

Anyway, enough of this, it is a most annoying topic.
I read some very sick opinions on the whole thing earlier and I just wish everything was all over already, not that it'll ever be.
Ah well, not much that can be done really.

I'll just have to calm myself down by flicking through my Initial D manga! ho ho ho ho ho!
*waves them in front of everyone* mine! mine! all mine!

buuuutttttttt, I must finish my history assignment now.....or at least after I go do some skipping!
ja

I've no doubt that NZ SAS troops might be used to help, but It's only expected.
NZ has to offer support in a situation like this, it would hardly be right not to, and something which sticks out most in my mind is that NZ has to help if we want to gain a favour from the US, in case we are having some trouble we need help from some important country.
We've been doing it for years, way back since the world wars.
But it doesnt bring the war on terrorism any closer to home.
Afghanistan's target of hatred is the US, not Britain, Australia or New Zealand (though It wouldnt surprsie me if they start having something against Britain).
And I was exaggerating when I said Afghanistan is the poorest country in the world, though it is one of the poorest, and when you compare it to the US and Britain, it certainly is just a speck.

And the reason I say USA/Britain VS Afghanistan is because a lot of the people there have the same feelings toward the US as the terrorists, they support them, even if trying to escape from the country it doesnt mean they don't support the terrorists, it just means they value their lives enough to try and get out of there..
If Osama is killed and innocents killed during the attacks, then the people will hate the US more, and that's what makes the terrorists that attacked the WTC.
And I'm sure there are probably a lot of people willing to do something against the US at the moment.
The war on terrorism has to also mend fences, otherwise it will all happen again.
But I hardly think having your country attacked would win them much support.
Though the US has to do it, I know, but it won't ever really stamp out terrorism.

And about Bush, I guess it just depends on if you agree with his republican views or not, but I don't agree with them....
And I mean on his views on everything (non-terrorism) in general.
Some of them anger me a lot, others not so much, and he also happens to be a wally lacking speech and leadership skills, all the while not seeming to know much about what he's talking about.
That is why I dislike him.
I don't think I could do things better, of course not, I would probably end up accidentally attacking some other country and then starting a proper world war.
But I know there are far better leaders than him, and Blair just proves that all too well.

And you can't let fear rule your life, being afraid to enter a large building or whatnot.
There's probably something like a 99% chance that nothing will happen, and if it does, it does, nothing you can do about it, but that 1% chance of something happening is just as likely to not involve terrorism.
Could be some broken down worker with a gun, an earthquake, fire, etc etc.
You're more likely to die from a car accidnet or something like that, so if you're that afraid, then you should also keep clear of cars.

Hmm, my entry this morning seemed a little rough spoken, ah well, I had a headache and was feeling groggy, I blame that.

ugh! >_<
Again the whole terrorism issue comes up again, but Since Clara wrote about it, some feelings have come up that I want to express....

Would people please just shhuuuttttt up!???
World War III my ass!
You cannot even begin to compare this to the previous world wars!
At the moment we have the two most big ass, powerful, influencial countries in the world, the US and Britain against a small piece of shit, the poorest country in the world, Afghanistan.
It's like having two large spiders coming up to an ant and people going "ooh god! this is like world war 3!!!"
Honestly, the amount of people I've heard say that is just plain stupid.

It seriously makes me so angry, I've studied the world wars for such a long time and so often that I thought my brain would explode, I've gone over it again and again, I know what I'm on about, you absolutely CANNOT compare this to a world war.
And these plonkers who also feel concerned that New Zealand could be targeted, are you fucking nuts??!
Think for a second.........NZ......
Why would any terrorist want to attack NZ?
People who worry about that seem to over estimate our social and economic standing in the world.
I can understand if a terrorist wanted to prove a point to a larger country (such as the US) by attacking NZ and showing what they can do, but the fact is no one would do that....that would only alert other countries to the terrorism and make it possible to stop it.

And what makes one think that because one might ridicule Bush that they support the taleban?????
I don't side with the terrorists, of course not, I side with the USA 100%..
But that doesnt mean I like Bush, I think he's the stupidest, most inadequate leader ever to rear his ugly little head.
It's Tony Blair that has impressed me, I always thought he was rather good, and he just keeps proving me right.
In my opinion he's far over-shadowed Bush as of late, hah! Funny, no?

I don't want people to get hurt, but I don't really give a shit in the end..
If I don't know you, then I don't give a fuck if you live or die.
I care about myself, my family and my friends..I don't care for what happens to these unknown people to me.
The only times I ever feel sad is when I imagine myself in the peoples situation of losing loved ones, but guess what?
I'm not in that situation, and I lose any memory of those people with their sad tales after only a few hours.

Cause this whole thing doesnt involve me, I can't have any say about things and let them be heard..
I can't influence any of them.
So I don't care if they start killing each other over there, as long as they sort this thing out.
The world I was born into lets me have barely any control over my own life as it is, why should I start being concerned with something I clearly can't control?

Innocents will get hurt, I'm sure many will die.
so what?
You can pretend all you want that you care, but you will forget all these people in only a short while, as your life is more important than anything else, and don't tell me it's not, because it is, and that is why we don't really care in the end about these nameless, faceless people.
In the face of these dead innocents, I can only hope something comes from it, something more worthwhile for everyone.

I'm sure someone is currently thinking I'm some sort of heartless bastard, but I honestly don't care..
If you know me, then you know I'm not a heartless bastard, I'm actually extremely caring and am prone to crying over things (though, um *cough* I don't expect many people know that)
But the point is, why should I care?
Tell me.
Give me reasons Why I should be bothered?
I can't sort this situation out, the US and Britain will.
I have no doubt that they'll get the job done, so I'm not concerned.


And I think a lot of people are missing the point of terrorism.
It is not just plain evil, it is not aiming to take away your freedom, there are no evil villains wishing to take over the world and drive everyone into slavery.
If you have that idea then I suggest you have a long serious think about just how well you can distinguish movies from real life.
Terrorism has a point, believe it or not, no matter how serious or feeble the reason may be.

I haven't heard anything of Osama bin Laden wanting to take over the world, have you?
I in no way condone what's been done, if he was directly involved then I hope the sick bastard is killed (it would avoid more problems than if he was thrown in prison).
But I hope he isn't executed, and especially not on some sort of live TV showing.
That would be the most appalling thing...
Not because I don't feel he should die, but because no matter what you have lost because of someone, you should never be as sick as to watch and relish someone's death.
The idea just disturbs me very much.
It's like the human cycle is of hate, and that's all we do.
Hate, hate and more hate.

I'm going to bed now, but I just want to say that PLEASE, please think before calling the current events WWIII.
If I was in WW2 I would be offended by people saying that we're currently experiancing WW3, it's nothing like it.
I'm actually rather offended really.
grr whatever...
I hope I got some sort of point across, I can't be bothered reading through the entry....
too long and I'm too tired....

Yay!
By now you all know (well, except one person) that Steve is back!
Me and Joshu have known since when he arrived on tuedsay last week, and he and Josh are who I've been going out and doing all this stuff with recently.

And we went out again today!
(every couple of days it seems we do something)
Today we went and saw Atlantis, which was very very cool, don't think that cause it looks like 'Nadia : the secret of blue water' fool you (it's actually more like Laputa (which is what Nadia copied ^_^) with elements of Princess Mononoke) It's just very neat, Disney has finally made a good movie again ^_^
Last good one was Mulan, that was great.

Anyway, after that the three of us went and played more pool (oh, how surprising ^_^), I'm getting pretty good in my opinion, just a little more experiance and I'll kick everyones ass, hehe

Then we got on a (very slow) Link bus and went to Steve's parents place, where we got a few manga-ish items to take with us to the anime night, got into the car and off we went.
People weren't as surprised as much as I would have hoped they'd be, but oh well.

Jubei-chan wasn't that great, it just isn't my kind of anime.
So I went outside after the first episode and talked with Joshu, Steve, and then Kunfei and Joe.
Also played a game of Go (Steve got me a Goban and moku for a present, YAY!) with Joshu, though he really kicked my ass. I need to confirm a few things on the rules too, though generally I know how the game is played.

A BIG, BIG thank you to both Joshu and Steve for the Initial D manga (first 3 volumes, oh yeah, I know you're drooling right now, but shoo! It belongs to me now, you cretinous louts!)
It's soooooo cool!
I am deifintley getting Steve to get me the rest when he goes back to Japan in a few weeks ^_^
The art gets heaps better from volume 2 onwards it seems too.

Anyway, Anime night finished and a whole load of us (13 or 14 in total) went to 'Steve's chinese takeaway' (not Steve Steve, as in some store called 'Steve's), and after a little while there, we went to new market and played......you guessed it!
Pool!

Out of the 6 games I played in, I lost 2, not too shabby, eh? ^_^
Spent about an hour there and also did a bit of semi-dancing to the thumping music in the bar/pool place.
We then split waysand now I'm home.

Was a good day, would have been better if we had watched a better anime, but still a good day.

Anyway, time to do other things!

Saw Rush Hour 2 today, was a great movie I thought.
Why so many people complained about it is beyond me, and I thought Chris Tucker's character was cool, I must have a high tolerence level or something.

*sigh* found out that the shop I was going to get my overcoat from has gotten rid of their winter stock... ~_~
Now I can't get an overcoat.....*takes a deep breath* FFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

What I'm going to do now, I've no idea >_<
If you happen to know where to get a russet (red/brown) coloured overcoat then please, please let me know.


The top of Mt.Eden is very very pretty at night, and no doubt a great sight during the day too.
I'll have to go there again, and bring a jacket this time (was cold!!)

Also had a great time at my old primary school tonight, was playing on the juniors playground, swung on the bars, fell often, laughed.
Was very fun.
When I went to check out other area's of the school, a security car drove up to me and told me I shouldn't really be there at this time of night (11pm), though I just shrugged it off and asked why and why there was a need for a security person.
Apparently some tossers have been tagging my school and causing problems >_<
Bastards!
Anyway, I told he guy that we'd stick to just the juniors playground next to the drive and front of the school, he was cool with that and drove his car back into it's semi-hiding place.
So yeah, then back home, spent near the entire day out and about.

Must sleep now...as always when I come to the end of an entry written at night.
g'night

NP: Sisters of Mercy - Temple of Love

I've no idea why I decided to write an entry, I'm not sure if I have something to write about O_o;;
I decided not to go to Edwyn's today, I have school work to do, and besides.... I really can't be bothered going out today.

I was feeling rather down this morning, dreams can be rather nasty and evil, and even more nasty.
The dream was good, very nice and things happened in it that I wish would happen in real life, but of course won't...........well....might, but so very very unlikely.
And that's the nasty thing, having such a great dream, then waking up and knowing that it's probably never going to happen.
So I spent a few hours in bed being rather sad.......I was about to say I'm feeling better now, but that's only because I haven't been thinking about it, but now that I am I'm again descending into sadness ~_~

NP: Misfits - Scream

Drown my problems with music, that's best......as long as I avoid sad songs, which I do indeed have a few of.
Such a situation calls for Punk Rock methinks.
Actually anything that isn't remotely sad is good. Though I should also avoid songs which are too heavy, otherwise I transform my sadness into anger, which I don't have to tell you is bad ^_^

I haven't listened to any Misfits songs for ages, same with a lot of things, I really should though, cause they are rather good, I just forget about it....
I really need to place all my music in one directory so I can see everything when I decide to listen to something.
Hmm, I wonder how many songs I have...?

439 songs, not including anime and game songs, A lot less than I thought, damn.

NP: Type O negative - Blood & fire

Y'know, I think the Mortal Kombat Soundtrack is probably the best I've ever heard, there are so many good songs on it that it's just crazy.
I remember having it blaring in the background while playing Magic the gathering with my brother and a neighbour.
Those were cool days, I think......? no, actually they weren't, but Magic the gathering was cool ^_^
We had so many cards, like over a thousand..
Sold all but 50 red mountain related cards....why we kept them....? I don't know.

Wow, I haven't listened to music like this for ages...
What I mean is, like, whenever I listen to music normally, I imagine some sort of story to it, but the thing is that I concentrate too much on what my imagination is coming up with rather than the music, and since I'm typing an entry while listening to music I don't imagine anything, So I get to enjoy the music properly, hurrah! ^_^;

NP: Ann Sinclair - Don't drop me

Oooh, this would be a good Initial D song.

ooh, pretty winamp skin ^_^
And I can actually see the buttons, wow ^_^

It just occured to me that no one got me a drawing pad for my birthday.......perhaps the most inexspensive gift I wanted......an no one got me one O_o;;;;
weird, such a simple thing to get too.
I'll just have to go look for one myself when I'm next out and about.
Also I had better go buy the overcoat I want, it's getting close the the cosplay, though once I have that, I just need the collar, hehe I'll have to go to a pet shop or something, should be fun ^_^
The costume is pretty simplistic, but hopefully it should look impressive nonetheless.
I just need to get my dad to pay me and I can go get them.
must ring and annoy him, heheh.

NP: Mighty Mighty Bosstones - The impression that I get

I hope everyone is getting ready for the cosplay, it's only 20 days away (I think), so let's show a little enthusiasm here!
Seems most likely there will be no karaoke unless some super keen person takes charge of it.
But honestly I feel it's a lost hope really.
Though that shouldnt stop up from having music! and singing too!
I tried singing to 'when worlds collide' by PM5K the other day, I did quite well.....except that my throat was in a lot of pain afterwards, too much screaming in screeching voices in that song that left me so sore +_+

Also I must remember to play with my hair a bit soon so I can find out what my hair can and can't do.
And I need to organise a visit to the hairdresser again to get my hair straightened a few days before the cosplay.

Hmm, I may have to pester people into hurrying up with it...
anyway, school work awaits me!

NP: Scatman - Scatman (listened to while adding all the 'br' 'b' and '/b' to the entry)

Damn, I feel very inspired to start a little band and make some music.
It's always something I thought I wouldn't mind doing, but nothing I thought I'd end up doing.
And in ways, I wouldn't want a band, there would end up being too much fighting over things.
When I say I want to make music, I want to make songs of just about every genre (except of course Rap and maybe country), I want to be flexible in the things I do, and that stretches to music.
I just need to learn to play the guitar properly, both electric and bass or just one of them (though that would really limit the type of sounds I could make), then I could make some semi-music.
Though you really need others to play the drums and backup guitar and everything, argh >_<

Personally I'd prefer to just write and sing the vocals, but then I'd need a band *sigh*
Or I could be like that Sisters of Mercy guy, he uses some synthesizer or something to do all the beat and a lot of the tune.
It's not like I'd want to actually try to get somewhere with music, because it'd be practically impossible, besides, I want to make music for myself more than anyone else.
Just a private little hobby.

Well, I had better practice with the guitar more, then we'll see what I do O_o

anyway, it's pretty late and I'm pretty tired......so I should sleep...
oyasumi.

A great, great day, honestly the happiest day I've had since at the very least, 8 months ago.
I'll write about the day some other time, not tomorrow, maybe tuesday night...
In fact I might not be writing much at all until then.
We'll see.

Anyway, I need sleep.

Finished 'Ender's Game' earlier..
was a really good book, but I didn't like the way the book ended.
I never liked '4 years passed and this happened' and then a page later 'more years passed...'
Kind of puts me off the next books, I want to read about Ender when he's a teenager rather than an adult...
ah well.

Tomorrow shall be good, yes it shall, good it shall be!
Pity I can't write about it, hehe.
*happy sigh* Things feel good at the moment, I feel good.
Although the problems I had and things that made me unhappy are fixed and no longer trouble me, I'm not happy, you know?
I've nothing to make me unhappy and nothing to make me happy, my life is static.

And it seems for the first time in about 8 or so months, I have smiled a smile 100% full of happiness, joy and excitement.
The air is different now , whereas everything was boring before, things seem the complete opposite now, why it makes me feel like this, I don't know.

hehehe, people will keep asking me what this is about, but I won't tell you, okay?

anyway, I must sleep.
Oyasumi.

I'm bursting with excitement!
I can't concentrate properly! Oh my god!!!
HURRAH!!!!!!!
What an amazing day!
I could tell something was different about today, it was in the air, but I never expected it would be what it was! wow!

But I can't say anything about it, saying something would spoil the suprise ^_^

I need to find something to do with myself till something happens and it is revealed, but ...what? ^_^

>The Super-Ego has landed<

'Angela Anaconda' disturbs me so very, very much.....

Change to the design, as you can see.
Though it's just another change of colour and picture really, but still it's something..
And I was getting really sick of seeing Gackt all the time ^_^
Kenshin is just such a cool character that he had to be the next focus of my journal, and the picture is from the Enishi/revenge arc of Rurouni Kenshin, which is just as good, if not better than the Shishio/Kyoto arc.

Card Captors was pretty good, I've never had a problem with dubs for anime, except for when they edit things.
But yes, it was good, I'm glad i'm taping it ^_^

I would like to write more, but I also want to read more of Ender's Game and my mood just doesnt seem to apply well to writing an entry at the moment.

Oh yeah, that new comedy on TV3, Titus, was on today.
Was very funny I thought, I shall definitely watch next week.

That muscle shirt I have is so cool ^_^ hehe
not only does it make me look semi-gay, but it's extremely nice to wear with this sunny wheather we're having lately, so at least it's kind of appropriate.

hmm, btw, I want to go see a heap of movies sometime or another, so if anyone is interested in coming with me, let me know, okay? ^_^

Anyway, time to read.............read or die! muwhahaha.
ja.

I've finished reading The Amber Spyglass...
The ending really upset me, I like happy endings, I don't care if people think it's lame to have happy endings....
I want happy endings!

It was really painful in a way, I know the characters are just fictional, but the situation sooooo sucks...
And again it upset my whole vision of love and so forth.
I mean, I want that perfect someone to hold and love...things might be great.......but I fear for the future.
Just the possiblity of breaking up makes me not want to fall in love, it's painful, and I don't want to have to go through it again.

Also I acted like a complete......jerk....after the break up this year..
I didn't really see myself being that way at the time, and I didn't see that I was annoying people.
I'm so sorry to everyone.
I really am, you don't know how ashamed I am of myself, it's beyond words.

I'm really sorry to those that I annoyed, and I'm especially sorry to Clara, I probably hold your opinion of me higher than anyone else's, and I can't help but feel that I threw it out the window with the way I acted then.
No doubt people have moved on from it, but I think that peoples opinion of me must have changed somewhat because of that.
Please forgive me, and understand that it was one of the roughest times in my life then.
I feel I'll have to make an actual face to face apology to some people though, I'd feel much better that way.

I still had so much love for this person that I felt like I was going mad, I hated myself for all the mistakes I had made that had after the break up, become so clear, yet came too late for me to do anything about, and that I had lost someone so, so important to me in an instant..just like that.
I remember joking to Josh about saying that this thing that had clara so withdrawn at the time was that she was going to break up with me....
that was the very same day it happened, I shrugged it off with a "ah well, probably not"
heh, was I wrong or what? ^_^;
I remember the day pretty well, which isn't that amazing really, as you'd expect someone would remember a day like that pretty well, but I have a bad memory, so it is slightly suprising.
The whole thing didnt sink in until a lot later.....
which is the case with a load of things for me....
Also I'm guessing it's because I didn't want to show any emotion about it until I had privacy, which was when I closed my bedroom door to go to bed.
I calmly walked over to my bed and just broke down.
I understand and accept the reasons for the breakup, but it didn't hurt any less...
just as you may understand why you were excluded from something, but it still makes you angry that you were.
And as annoying as a sibling may be, you still love them.
It works both ways.

I've grown though, I'm sure of it.
I think I'm a much better person than before, maybe not as happy and idealistic, but it was essential to cut down on that if I was to improve myself.
Still a little mentally scarred though, but I think other factors have also played a part in that.
I have this sort of feeling that my view on a lot of things isn't as it should be, though I guess I just have to accept that that's one of the things that changed since then.

Normally this is a really off-limits topic for me, but I'm really finding it nice to just say all this.


And Finn, I'm like....1 kg less than you, hehe ^_^
I was a rather chubby (I use 'chubby' instead of 'fat' because it feels less embarassing) when I was younger....
I just gained more and more weight from when I was 8 till about 13, then I had a growth spurt and I was stretched, so I didn't look as bad, but I still wouldn't say I was exactly happy with myself either.
I really wish I could burn all the pictures of me from that time in my life, argh! >_<

This is another topic I would usually avoid, as it's something I've always been deeply ashamed about...
And thus you now know the driving reason for why I exercise, I'll never, ever let that happen to myself again.

I'm not completely happy with myself currently, but definitely more satisfied than I have been with myself for the last 8 or 9 years...and I guess that's really saying something.
So it's a wonder why I haven't had a picture taken of me since....like......ages ago....maybe nearly a year..
And I have to say I'm more handsome than ever, so I say to the camera's "bring it on" ^_^

So many people are camera shy, and I suppose that's fair enough, but if you really feel you don't look good enough to have a photo taken of you, then you should do something about it, no?
Exercise, drink lots of water (something which I should do, actually), have plastic surgery if you have the money ^_^
I dunno, I mean, just do whatever it takes to feel good about yourself.
Strive to impress yourself, not others.

Like the saying goes, If you can't love yourself, how can you love another?
Actually that's pretty easy, but still it's a good thing to keep in mind anyway.

Anyway, must archive my entries and then post this one up, then start reading Ender's Game and maybe play a little bit or KOF'99.
so Ja!