Yeah..its true..UniVision been postponed till next june due to shortage of campers... BOOHOO! There goes my leave.. I've applied leave for that..hmm now Im thinking of going away for a short trip or either saved that trip money and moved out of Tampines during that week.. hmmm *rub chin*..

Anyway..these were the last pics I took with Izwah,while discussing on our Univision at 4PM centre..Kudos to Izwah!

missing my mum @ 06:17 p.m.

Juz got homw from work..Hmm..these days been busy with work.Ive had hard time at work too recently.. There's many things happening recently but I dunno how to put it.

One..my younger sister confirmed getting married in February..InsyaAllah..So my family has started busy planning for her wedding preparations.Im sure she's all stressed up with all the financial calculations.

Two..we are moving out from this Tampines house by end of this month.Hmm..we are moving to a 3-rm flat in Bedok. Coz since everyone in my family has already have their own family..including my sister who's getting married and stay with her future husband in Jurong.. so it means left me and my dad.. so why the need of a big house then.. 3-rm is already enough.

Hmm..so I plan to make ourselves live comfortably in that house..I noe..I dun have cash and savings now.but sikit2 lama2 jadi bukit pe. Slowly,I will try my best to save money to beautify te house.

Talking about money..YEAH MONEY!!I need MONEY!..banyak hutang beb!! I juz settled my late mum's one..hmm alhamdulillah..lega sikit..now left my own hutang.. aiya..macam2 sey!

missing my mum @ 04:56 p.m.

It was my OFF day..and I went for my counselling today. A need for it suddenly.. and my counseller told me..I may not recover fully from my depression but she's glad there's improvement...I need to know what I want now. and what has happened to me is history now.She suggested that maybe I should go for a short trip..and not to think of my problems.I dunno what she's saying..perhaps she meant that Ive to re-organize my life..and not to put so much expectations to everything I do?

Maybe a next trip to her again?

missing my mum @ 11:48 p.m.

Lila's mum had just passed away on that fateful Saturday. I went to visit her that morning..and upon seeing me,she cried.I couldn't seem to shed any tears although I completely understand how she was feeling that day...and I just want to be there for her..and Im glad she's aware that I understand her loss..

I took MC on Sunday coz I couldn't take the stomach pain Ive been suffering for the past few days.Its more to gastrics..coz I noe Ive not been eating regularly..but hey,Its no more of depression that Im not eating.Its just that my appetite for for food has decreased.Maybe coz of low blood sugar level and shift works.However, I still make it an attempt to eat with my family outside at Mak's Place.I just want to make Abah happy that day...and Im glad he did.

Work is great as normal..its just that Im getting worried of the mat-mat over there.Its not that Im saying Im the most beautiful and popular at my workplace..but its just that Im the new girl in town..hehe..and somemore,I know I look better now (maybe coz Ive shed some weight)..*grinz*.. I dun want to layan them coz I believe its best not to start if we dun want it coz we wont want to disappoint anyone.Hmmm.. and one already got disappointed over my rejection..and I dun feel good abt it.

I went over to 4PM yesterday to settle Univision with Hamzah and Filza..Im aware of the rumours around 4PM over Univision..and all that doesnt bothers me that much.People are free to judge and said for all they care...coz the PEOPLE always think they are better than us when they dun even know MY STYLE OF WORKING.. whatever it is.. I still have the full faith in my Univision Committee... I do.. So PEOPLE... dun say it..juz do it..

I slept around 5am after reaching home from work at 2am.I cant get to sleep coz Im shivering with cold..and apart from it..I was crying as I started to miss my arwah Mak..Gosh!

Another point I wanna make here..Im already MOVING ON!!..

missing my mum @ 01:39 p.m.

I have juz put down the phone with Raihanah...and the topic for tonight was all about Men and Love.Why some chose to stay and why some run away? Raihanah was regretting over her first love relationship which turned out to be stupidity over love..while me..I was still wondering why its hard to get someone who can love us wholeheartedly.Its hard...very,very hard..

Somehow,I do regret over certain mistakes I made during the past..but still,one should value the other.Ive been searching frantically for attention these days eversince my Mum's departure and relationship breakup..and I do get all the attention I want and do not want either..and for each of the attention I get is just a temporary pleasure for divertion of depression.

Sounds complicated,huh? Anyway,thanked Raihanah for accompanying me this whole day (my OFF day)..eating at Sakura,visiting my fren's mum at hospital,shopping at TM..and chatting on the phone. Its not worth for me to find the love that is never meant to be there for me.. Maybe Allah wants me to put my love search aside and focus on other things more,like my financial state,my Abah,my new house,my work... Maybe Allah already has one for me..its juz dat its not the time yet for him to show up..

All these happened when I finally got tired with men and their promises...Men can promised you mountains of hopes but anytime these mountains can juz disappear instantly.Im glad I deleted one after another as soon I realised it.It may take me years to build a strong,trustworthy relationship but it just take a second for them to break it.. Okay stop it..no more of this love nonsence!!

missing my mum @ 12:23 a.m.

The Three Youngest in the Family

Me and My Anak-Anak Buah

At our Nyayi's House

The Girls

Alah Kesian Penatnyer..

The Love Of My Life

Big Brader

Abg Ez's family

Kak Lin's Family

Juz got back from work.Its like been days since Ive been coming home so so late.. Updates about me.. Apart being busy with my work shifts.. Im busy spending more time with my family at home. This year Raya brought us together unitedly...and how Im proud to have this big family of mine. I love them..each and everyone of them..Nothing else matters to me now..

Yes guys..Im out of my depression finally.. Been cheerful these days..All by my own..ON MY OWN.. like its true.. whatever it is..Its my own life to decide which path I wanna take..and by Allah's will..and family's support..I finally succeeded.Everything happened to me so fast...and I know that whatever it is..noone can help me except for myself..NOONE..but of course with moral supports around me lah..

Like how I tried to keep myself busy with my life these days..juz to get out of depression..When Im free I will try catch bubble tea with Nuya..or walked at TM with my gd fren,Raihanah..And oh,Raihanah is now officially my Religious Teacher..She's giving me private classes on AlQuran and religion.Thank God,I have a fren like her..And at the same time..i tried to work on Univision.Like this morning,Hamzah and Barney,came over to my house juz to help me with my Univision materials..the dateline is coming..and lots of works to do.Im glad I got the moral support from my good buddies..Together we united..hehehe..

Apart from all these..I have my sisters with me to accompany me shopping if I dun meet my frenz.Afterall,family is still the best,rite? Im starting to plan ahead for my future..career..savings..everything.. juz for myself..my happiness.. And hopefully get my Mr Right soon to make it all complete..InsyaAllah..pray for me aite! *wink*

missing my mum @ 12:55 a.m.

Its been a week since Hari Raya..but I didnt feel it at all.. I was silence from blogging not because Im busy to blog..Its just that I have nothing to share about for my Hari Raya experience.Plainly nothing... Despite having two days off on the first and second day of Hari Raya..

Well,first day..Im glad I have a big family.Waiting for the arrival of my siblings' family is enough for me,playing with my nieces and nephews..taking photos together..By the way,I will update some photoshots once Kak Ayu send them to me..*roll eyes*

I agreed... A BIG DIFFERENCE...this raya.. VERY VERY BIG DIFFERENCE... something is missing..someone "BIG" is missing.. and that's our mother.. The Sambal Goreng which my Adik cooked really tasted different..even as how perfect she tried to follow our Mak's Sambal Goreng recipe..It still tasted different..Well,my adik said,"Dulu Mak ada leh spot-check..skrg takde Mak..takde sape yg leh supervise".. Anyway Adik,good try.She did alot for our family this raya just to make sure that we still feel the ambience..especially for our Abah..He cried..We all cried.. upon hearing the Takbir.. Oh God!We missed her!

I didn't get to follow my family to most of their visitings coz I have to work on that weekends.Well,I didnt have much mood for Raya anyway..Thank goodness,I only bought one baju kurung and managed to wear it on our first day visiting to only THREE of our Abah's aunties houses.

This Raya set me thinking alot for my future.I once was scared to think about my future at all. However,like some said..Lembaran Baru..Harapan Baru..Berkat doa arwah Mak dan Abah..Falah takkan kecewakan mereka..

missing my mum @ 12:39 p.m.