My YENNADEI Episodes
I WONT BOTHER YOU PEOPLE ANYMORE
I WONT CARE FOR YOU PEOPLE ANYMORE
I WONT BE BOTHERED ABOUT ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE ANYMORE
I AM AWARE MY PRESENCE IS NOT NEEDED ANYMORE
I AM AWARE MY GOOD INTENTIONS ARE ALWAYS DOUBTFUL
I AM AWARE BEING NICE AND GOOD ARE SUCH A WASTE OF TIME
I AM AWARE THAT BEING SELFLESS ARE ALSO A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY TOO
I AM AWARE THAT YOU TAKE EVERYTHING THAT IM DOING AS A THREAT TO YOU WHEN YOU DUNNO THAT I DUN MEAN ANY HARM AND IM JUZ BEING SINCERE
I KNOW .. I KNOW .. I KNOW..
DO YOU KNOW IM HIDING MY DISAPPOINTMENT FROM YOU PEOPLE?
NO USE BRAGGING FURTHERMORE ON THIS.WASTE MY TIME! I JUZ CANT BE BOTHERED WITH YOU PEOPLE ANYMORE!
DAMN IT!! WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO BE TRUE?
missing my mum @ 03:25 a.m.
Work..work..work.. almost 70% of our lives is about work.No work,no money..no work,no shopping..no work,no goals..no future..no EzyCash!
I love my job..excluding the working hours..I just love my job..Soon, I will be working straight without off days.. coz chinese new year coming..A good time for recalls and overtimes..*ka-ching*
My dad is the most supportive person in my life.He never fails to encourage me when Im feeling down,tired,pissed off or moody about anything.. meaning about work,house,people.. Sometimes, I pitied him..when I unintentionally offended him.. but hmm..Im no superwoman,rite?
The starting of the year meaning to the starting point towards my goals are pretty hard,eh..Ask those around me.. Im struggling from all temptations!Im trying hard lah dey! I just cant stop myself from buying things!Like I told you before,Im not buying things for myself only.Whatever it is.. Im getting more worried when I think of what if suddenly I lost my job and I havent even have any savings??? ..
Erghh..dat will be pretty hard for me to think what will happen then.. FALAH!!START SAVING NOW!!!!!
missing my mum @ 01:05 a.m.
Im not working today..supposedly to recall..but I cancelled it coz Im too tired as I have to OT till 2am and somemore,I wanna go market today..
Ive been talkin shits about saving..Yeah,I wanna open up another account and quickly deposit my few dollars of savings inside before I spend it all unknowingly..but too bad,I didn't have time to visit any of the banks..but I have time to spend almost HALF OF my money..ishk!
Apa taknyer..pegi pasar aje dah makan seratos..Maklumlah sekarang ni dah kena belajar berdikari.Hidup bukan untuk seorang diri..tapi bayarannyer sendiri..hehe Besok Hari Raya Korban jadi hari ni duit saya kena korbankan.. Haiz,abeh dgn penuh konfiden nak buatkan cermin mata abah saya..step nak kasi abah yg bagos2nyer..pilih tu pilih ni..ha bila time bayar ..jengjengjeng ..*gulp*..berkorban apa saja demi cinta terhadap Abah..hehehe..
Jadi wahai kawan-kawanku..aku terpaksa pendingkan cita-cita aku terhadap bilikku dan umahku..sehinggalah adikku berkahwin..Doa-doakanlah atas kemurahan rezeki saya selalu yer.. Dan skali lagi..Selamat Hari Raya Korban..
missing my mum @ 05:37 p.m.
This week is full of afternoon shifts as late as 1800hrs till 0200hrs..but I enjoy going to work..coz I love the pay of course! Anyway,today my bro and I accompanied my Abah to this clinic in Holland Village,which we heard that their medication for arthritis or joint pain are effective.So my Abah decided to give it a try.Well,the jab is expensive..100 bucks for a jab.Hopefully,Abah will get better after this.
This whole morning gave me a headache waking up and looking at the state of my room..STILL MESSY AND UNSETTLED..furthermore..my bro took back another wardrobe from Tampines home..Oh dear..and I hate to look at my room. I wanted to throw away this and that,that and this.. I wanna revamp everytin..EVERYTHING.. except for my wardrobes and bed..Uff..I dun wanna show u the pics of my bedroom yet..coz I paisey lah..
Izwah was kind enough to help me gain ideas from certain web sources for my room-to-be.. From bedsheet to wardrobes to tables to everything.. Tomorrow will be my first day to start decorating my room..Wish me luck,frenz...
KENAPA
Sebelum ku kenalimu
hidupku cukup ngan suka duka
tak pernahku sangka semuanya akan berubah
dikau bagaikan cahaya, bagi jiwa ku ini
tak mungkinku lupa katamu kan sentiasa di sisi
bagaikan satu kisah cinta kita berdua ke mana
asyik berpegangan tangan orang lain dilupakan
apa terjadi, diriku ni masih tertekan
hati dilukai setelah janji ditunaikan
tiap kali ku fikir, tiada guna bersedih
rakan-rakan katakan buang masa ku cintai
dikau punca pedihku, tiada baik darimu
tiada langsung yang benar dalam ungkapan bibirmu
kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku begini
kenapa harus ku tanggung semua
kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa aku diperbodohkan kasih
tak mungkin ku lupa kali pertama bersua
tak sangka, dikau kan menjadi pedih yang kan dalami jiwa
siang malam termenung, sedih memakan hati
tak pernah ku ingat ku boleh diluka begini
namun ku cekal hatiku, tuk melupakanmu
ku tahu kau begitu
malas ku nak rayu, buang tenagaku
kau takkan mendengarku
selamat tinggal oh kasih
janganlah iri hati
hidup baru kan mula bila terbitnya mentari
kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan
kenapa harus ku merayu
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa harus ku dikecewakan kasih
kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan
kenapa harus ku merayu
kenapa ku bercinta
kenapa harus ku pegang janjimu..kasih..
Its the new year..but Im feeling all sulky and lonely at times..maybe becoz of the "female only reason of depression=menses". Anyway,Happy New Year to all of you.My two days off was quite nicely done for me for this Sunday and Monday..but damnit..I kept swaying away to the negative side..
I tried to distract my mind by thinking positively of the goals Ive set for myself..but wen I started to feel lonely.. I got upset again...I hate it!Damn me!Stupid of me! Ive started to hate myself for the things I did... Shit Me! .. I asked all my frens..how to start loving myself.. no definite answer..its all within myself..So end up wat I decided to do??!! STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MISERY!! JUST STOP IT!! STOP ME!!..okok cool cool.. anyway.. Here are a few things I try to do to make myself happy and not feeling lonely and bored.. U guys can try too..Happy Trying to anyone of you out there!
1)
Re-vamp yourself..Go Shopping..Try out the colors and clothes that you've not tried before..Fill up your wardrobe with colorful clothes..
2)
Listen to dance,grooving songs..Sundown,Drop in the Middle,Move It..anything that makes you moves and dance..
3)
Make yourself busy..Work overtime if possible..or work on your off days..just to earn extra income..or Volunteer at your centre..in fact,juz be busy or act busy..
4)
Go for a jog.. 4 rounds around the park do help.Maybe 30 mins of jogging.Juz take your MP3 with you and jog till the whole songs from your MP3 ends..that helps!
5)
Eat chocolates..eating too much of it may not be good..but juz take one bar will do.. for a day perhaps.. too much of it may cause pimples and hence make you more stress up..hehe
6)
Do something de-stressing..that may cause pain for a short time but fuuuuuh syiok and addicted for a long time.. FOOT REFLEXOLOGY..MASSAGE..it helps me alot.. and can even make you sleep better after that..
7)
Meet up your friends...can even include new friends..and chat happily and heartily..Juz laugh and be nonsensically crazy..till tears fill up ur eyes and till the others laugh with you..Its an achievement!
8)
Move out your old apartment into a new apartment.If you have one...Then think of how you want to decorate your house and rooms...and paint the walls to the color that you want your mood to be..that can make you more relax and at ease everytime you are in the house..
9)
Scrub the floorings and tilings of every corner of your house and rooms till they get clean and shiny.Juz scrub your energy out..Vent out your anger on those dirts.It is more helpful than venting your anger on a dummy or someone called human.
10)
Set a short term goal for yourself to work for this year..but be an aspiring one..perhaps..savings of $300 per month or having $4k in your account for this year without spending.It maybe hard not to spend them..but when you really do it..you will be satisfied with the results.Believe me!
Try to do things alone..like shopping,watching movies,cycling,jogging..juz try to do it alone..coz depending too much on others when carrying out these activities are also not good..coz you wont know how frustrated you'll be wen you end up feeling lonely and depressed and not having anyone by your side..
So that's all about it..Not that Ive taken all these from any sources...but these are what I've always do... I know sometimes I will start to get all moody again but hey, juz try this out just not to make your moody gone astray..thats all!
The year 2005 is coming to an end.Reflecting back the journey of my life this year..there's too much of tears.. bloody tears..I dunwan to think of them..but I know I can't forget them..Well,those were the pain ones..
My only happiest moment that I can remember for this year was when I got this job..and straightaway,broke the news to my late Mum..and yeah,the way she cried joyfully upon hearing the news..and my dear Abah,the way he showed his thankfulness to Allah for giving me the job..he sujud syukur immediately when I broke the news to him as soon as he came back from the mosque.This may sounds ridiculous to you..but my parents really desperately needed that..me with a stable job,u noe.
My parents' prayers.. are always with me.. Im glad I have been good..Well,I know I have been good..hehe..So Im looking forward for a new life in this new year..Lets put all the sadness behind coz I finally believe that the world doesn't revolve only around me and happiness is for me to search for and not to wait for.
The new year..I wanna focus on my career..Yeah,career.. I wanna save and spend my money happily..hehe..lets go for the 5 C's while Im still single,young and energetic ..and then I will start thinking of settling down.
Sounds good,huh?
I will prove it to you,
if God's willing...
missing my mum @ 11:08 p.m.
Picture of the week.. we are kinda unready posing for this neoprints coz the machine was not to wat we expected with three cameras to pose..Maybe its the cause from the typical malay mat-mat who distracted our way to Tampines Mall,trying to start their pick-up line with .." Hi,sweet!"..Hahaha...eee KENTALnyer!!
missing my mum @ 01:14 p.m.
My leave is over...and I have to start back to work.Oh gosh! Now that Ive shifted house in Bedok..I have to get use with the bus services to Changi Airport..Oh yeah!Ive settled down in my new home in Bedok.
Imagine shifting all our stuffs from a 5-rm to a 3-rm flat..Boy,alot of work to do.Although maybe tiring on dat Saturday,but still,I enjoyed myself..coz all my family members were there to help me..Actually,there are still some boxes left unpacked..but there are no more spaces under my bed or in the wardrobe,and even the storeroom..so where do they go?..in the kitchen,of course..
Here's some pictures taken in the living room..and oh,my new toilet bowl too..HAHAHAHA!!
My living room is spacious rite?..its kinda disbelieve that it belongs to a 3-rm flat..but hey..it is..Im waiting to go to IKEA to get some stuffs..and then I will show you guys to the bedrooms..Till then!
missing my mum @ 01:06 a.m.
Today is my THIRD day of clearing leave..yeah Im on leave rite now..but am not going anywhere.I'd rather spend the holiday travel money on my new house in Bedok instead.And oh yes,I did.. but just a small and first investment of mine...guess what it is.. TOILET BOWL!!..HAHAHAHA!
That's rather a good and long term investment okay.I just want to live comfortably..hmm from squatting to seating..How abt it.Okay,I know its not a big deal over a TOILET BOWL..but hey,its my MONEY..my hard-earned money invested in my own house for the very first time in my life...and it is not that cheap..but the feeling is surely great.
Okay,Im aware I dun have much savings..but like i told my Abah..I will slowly put aside some of my salary each month and buy our household items,furniture or appliances..one by one..sikit2 lama2 jadi bukit..betol tak?
So I will be shifting house this weekend..Mixed feelings actually..coz Ive stayed in this Tampines house for almost 18 years..alot of memories over here..but well,move on!And I know that the saddest person will be my Abah..
Ive been wanting to shop for myself some items and clothings..but to think of the high cost values..I stopped..coz I got bills waiting for me to clear..and also I cant spend my monthly expenses money on this..I realised a few changes on myself..POSITIVE CHANGES.. and that is.. Im becoming more matured and sensible person..at the same time..Selfless.. put others before me.. and Im doing and making most of the decisions,which is so unlikely of me...
Okaylah..whatever the changes is.. Im beginning to like the new me...its either Im adapting to changes or changing to adapt..whatever..
missing my mum @ 12:10 a.m.
