DONATIONS

Cheques to:
Singapore Red Cross Society
15 Penang Lane Singapore 238486
making out the cheque to "Singapore Red Cross Society" and indicate "Tidal Waves Asia" at the back of the cheque

or to

Brahm Education Centre Ltd
9 Lor 29 Geyland 304-02 indicating "Suffering Relief Program" at the back

or make phone call donations to 1900-911 1159 for donations, 1900-911 1110 for donations to buy relief packages through NTUC Fairprice

Food, Blankets, clothes etc to:
Tisarana Buddhist Association tel 6345-6741

Ananda Travel's branches during office hours 6435-8422/18
Marine Parade Family Service Centre.53 Marine Terrace #01-227 S440053 Tel 6445-0100

haish. u know its a really depressing world we live in. full of tian1 zai1 ren2 huo4. who'd have thought tt sth so huge wld have happened - so near to home? every day in the papers u read abt pple dying. terrorism's become so much a part of life tt we expect to read sth abt it every day, tt we're used to it, tt it'd be surprising if there werent anythg bad happening. tts a pretty defeatist mindset. but its a sign of our times. i guess we brought it upon ourselves. somehow i feel e human race is gonna become extinct, and e end of the world's coming. =X pessimistic maybe, but not altogether baseless.

of course, there'll be some pple who say tt bush brought it upon us. they blame him fer everythg. just read the latest issue of Time - the letters section. the palestinian conflict - bush's fault. "Although I strongly support the goal of peace in the Middle East, I disagree with certain ideas about how to achieve it. Are Palestinians such a threat that the Israelis have to build a wall around them? The wall not only violates human rights but also imposes on innocent people the same kind of restrictions that the Jews endured 60 years ago. I'm disappointed that Americans don't seem to care about the world outside their borders. People need to be more aware. Not only has the future of the U.S. been affected by the re-election of President Bush, but the whole world will have to bear the consequences." american insecurity and vulnerability - bush's fault. "Wouldn't the U.S. be a lot more secure if, instead of spending billions in Iraq, we used the money to secure our borders?" iraq - naturally bush's fault. "Unless the U.S. is smart enough to make the right decision soon, it is going to have one Fallujah after another in Iraq for years to come." global warming - bush's fault. ""Meltdown!" [Nov. 22], your article on the impact of global warming in the Arctic, was especially timely in the wake of the re-election of Bush, who so arrogantly dismissed the Kyoto Protocol. The U.S. is a nation of selfish materialists who refuse to be good stewards of the earth, and we deserve every abuse Mother Nature heaps upon us. It's just too bad the rest of the world has to suffer with us." terrorism - bush's fault. "Bush's actions in Iraq have proved Osama bin Laden's charge that the U.S. is trying to conquer Islamic lands. Bush's aggressive, unilateralist foreign policy and blinkered support for Israel have made him hated throughout the Middle East. His presidency has provided plenty of recruitment material for al-Qaeda. Four more years will doubtless provide more. Yes, bin Laden knew exactly what he was doing when he released that videotape. And his efforts paid off." fear - bush's fault. "How is it that a country with a free press, which saw multitudes of ideas contested and volleyed back and forth during the presidential campaign, could not make 51% of its voters see the simple truth that the incumbent has not made their world safer and does not deserve a second term as their President [Nov. 15]? How can people in nations with repressive governments continue to argue that a free media will disseminate truth and ensure the well-being of citizens after what just happened in the U.S.?" basically, everythg is bush's fault. "We are astonished, dear American friends, that you re-elected Bush. Such a leader wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell in most European countries. But the majority of Americans seem to trust a man who talks a lot about God, superficial moral values and protecting your beloved homeland. We hope that you will come to your senses during the next four years."

im not a bush fan. i agree tt bush made many wrong decisions tt have definitely aggravated the world situation. but can u blame everythg on one man? is the rise of radical Islam bush's fault? is the traditional arab-israeli conflict his fault too? is extremism, fanaticism, a blatant disregard for human lives, and a pure evil brewing in the hearts of many ard the world today his fault? why cant we just wake up to the fact that We are leading ourselves on to our own destruction. why do those terrorists insist on dragging scores of others into the depths of.. -hell (or its equivalent)- with them? why is there so much killing in the world? what happened to the universal brotherhood thing? how can anyone just kill hundreds of people - like that? do they seriously think tt they're doing it fer -religion- or whatever excuse they're using? is it tt they're totally brainwashed, or is it just a cover for other activities and motives? are they after power? or what? i dont see the point. i cant understand it. how does killing pple give u power? how does killing pple serve a purpose? it's become so natural tt they dont even stop to think Why they're doing it.

i dont think its bush. i think we're degenerating so fast we cant stop ourselves. at least, those who dont notice tt they're degenerating cant stop themselves. but we can, at least - every little thg u do - or dont - will either help to slow down or speed up tt fall.

it feels totally heartless to just sit ard every day doing nth while somewhere people're dying by the hundreds. but.. it's this helpless feeling, sitting there watching the world die before ur eyes. put ur life into the bigger context and everythg seems so unimportant. but i feel so hypocritical. what's e pt of talking abt it? i cant do anythg. and tt's what irks me.

we learn in geog tt in stage 5 of the demographic transition model e death rate will go up a bit because of the large nos. of aged dying. well i think sth tt all these geographers dint take into acct was the terrorism trend. pple dying unnatural deaths. it'd probably cause the total death rate in all stages to increase and birth rate decrease such tt population growth decreases and eventually goes negative.

omg i Cant i CANT think abt it anymore.

hah well not like anyone's interested anyway.

------

I never saw a man who looked
With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every drifting cloud that went
With sails of silver by.

------

Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

------

But there were those amongst us all
Who walked with downcast head,
And knew that, had each got his due,
They should have died instead:
He had but killed a thing that lived,
Whilst they had killed the dead.

For he who sins a second time
Wakes a dead soul to pain,
And draws it from its spotted shroud
And makes it bleed again,
And makes it bleed great gouts of blood,
And makes it bleed in vain!

------

haha i've been reading oscar wilde. tt's fr e ballad of reading gaol. he wrote it when he was in prison fer a homosexual offense, i think. i THINK. i know he was one but i dunno if tts why he was in prison. =X it's abt this guy on death row and the reactions of the other inmates in the prison. and it's really amazing. u can really Feel the anguish, the helplessness, the resignation, the indignation. haha sometimes i wished i was better at lit then i'd have taken it and i'd know abt imagery and personification and iambic pentameter and stuff. =X but how does knowing all tt help u to understand stuff better?

im half a book away fr my miserable target of five books this hols haha but tt bk is.. cheem so ive taken ages on it. but anyway i read e picture of dorian gray finally - and other oscar wilde works haha i think tt bk was damn zhi2 de2 cos it's qt a few works in one book. realised tt there's sth similar in all his works. the concept of identity - like in the picture of dorian gray - body vs soul, does self = soul? and the importance of being earnest (haha which is very sarcastic and funny) - who is ernest? and lady windemere's fan - mrs erlynne? and an ideal husband - mrs cheveley? and lady chiltern doesnt know tt her husband isnt e upright honest guy she'd always seen him as. tts image vs self. HAHAHA okay i've been reading tt narcissism thg fer so long it's seared into my memory. And im still nt done with it. and Time keeps coming in such tt i nv have time to finish them. and i read The Good Earth! whoohoo its v nice. i've always liked all these bks on china =X yes yes no more jokes on mao. haha i read it and i was like, all guys are like tt cannot keep their hands off other women always lusting fer more. =X okay i'll admit tts a generalisation but somehow im reminded of all the bio lessons and the testosterone-driven male thg. hahaha.

okay i came back fr america long ago but i took really long to type all this out so im finally putting it up today - all e stuff i wrote on e trip =)

anyway. our first view of america was, ironically and somewhat incongrously, asian. our immigrations officer was a chinese man called chu. (prob fr taiwan) spoke eng with an american accent, but when he saw my passport he asked, "hui4 jiang3 guo2 yu3 ma?" which stunned me fer a moment then i said hui4. after tt he loosened up a bit and started chatting to us and smiling, sometimes speaking in eng and sometimes in mandarin. nice guy haha. and then we went off to customs - e officer was also.. chinese. which was really funny cos - well it Is america after all.

after that we walked out - met san1 gu1 straight away she was really excited to see us haha. one thing abt america is tt it's really Big. everythg in am is, in fact. the country, the people, the food portions.. supersize. and its highway land. everywhere u go u hafta take the highway. they have nos. for each of them, too, like 880, 101, 68.. and u gotta drive really fast on e highway, maybe 80 mph? which is abt 128 km/h, or else u'll take forever to reach ur destination. it's nt like s'pore where u can get fr here to there w/o gg by e expressways - over here u use e highway even to go somewhere nearby. and another thg is tt they dont use e metric system, which i found rather strange considering america's a -superpower- which e whole world follows. they use miles and farenheit and gallons. weird.

it's cold here. stepped into the airport carpark and whoo. a gust of cold wind, but it's refreshing. temp's ard 5 deg celsius.

one thg tt struck me was the whole thg abt america being a melting pot society and how it's just so diverse and -vibrant- (so they like to say.) first meal in america - korean food. so this is what america's like? an immigrant society, really - u say s'pore is but it's not half as diverse. of course, it's all cos of the american dream. it's v evident in immgrant families, esp. everyone sees america as the land of plenty - plenty of food, clothes, shelter, jobs, schools - plenty of opportunities. like patrick? he says america is the land of freedom, where u get lots of choice and chances. (and the land of WMDs and nuclear weapons, which all get lost and pple cant find but tt's another matter.) also i found him.. somewhat cocky. i guess all e kids here are like tt, growing up e american way and gg thru e american education system, where they're taught to speak up and be heard. it was qt a bolt fr e blue - in s'pore he's so quiet but over here once he got into the car he started talking, v confidently too, and even asked if we were really shy or sth. -___- honestly. well i dint like it, frankly. i think there are some asian values that are desirable and some american ones that leave much to be desired, and overconfidence, to the point of arrogance, is one of them. it's a by-pdt of this superior educatoin syst tt s'pore and half e world are trying to emulate, but we shdnt lose our tradition and morals, much as we try to incorporate the positive aspects of the american system.

but the american dream beckons for many of those outside america. for the first generation immigrants themselves, like san1 gu1, they really love america. they've seen home and they've seen america, they've seen the difference and they prefer it here. they see it as a Dream come true, literally.. it's a different kind of feeling from the second generation immigrants who were born here. they take it for granted, they know it's good here but they see it as entitled. maybe it's more acurate to say they -know- it's worse There, rather than -good- in america. i found, in patrick, a young boy brimming with youthful fervour and high expectations. starry-eyed youngster. but whatever it is, the american dream is alive.

and guess what. second meal in america - taiwanese food. really helps to reinforce the idea that america is a melting pot society doesnt it.

lot's of static here - now u really see what u learn in sch. when combing ur hair or just simply changng ur clothes, u hear a lot of crackling sounds. lucky i havent had e shock u get on touching e doorknob after walking across the carpet. also some chem - e water here is hard. (ie it contains Ca2+ or Mg2+ ions! =D) doesnt wash soap off easily. (only detergents, i geuss, but havent tried.)

in the car san1 gu1 and patrick were having a little -discussion- abt him nt wanting to go buy proper fd during lunch, instead gg to buy chips like his friends. (discussion w/ a little bit of heat la.) which started me thinknig abt asians and their role in american society, and how they fit in. seems like this is the typical asian family. first generation imigrants, still very much rooted in their traditional asian mindset and culture, vs second generation kids, born and bred in america, with american mindsets and steeped in american culture. there's obviously a generation gap - that's found in most modern societies - but also a cultural, psychological gap. i wonder if the kids feel like they belong? do they feel out of place in a predominantly white society? are they -gasp- embarrassed of their heritage? what about the immigrants thmselves? after 20 yrs, do they feel that they've managed to integrate themselves into american society? or will they never belong? people still look at u differnently if you're asian, i feel. altho it may be less serious in california cos there are very large numbers of asians there, in other states it's probably more evident. or maybe, america is special? it's so used to these people that they're accepted? not like in australia. generally i guess most americans are very nice tolerant and acceptive. if singapore were overrun by an influx of foreigners, i doubt we'll be as tolerant. but tt's cos.. we're so small, any change wld have an amplified effect.

the idiosyncracies of america.. and some anecdotes. today we went to the piers. (california is a coastal state.) dont think these were at th pacific coast, tho. most famous - pier 39. whoo. the place is overrun by seagulls. the wind was biting cold. the cheeks - they were stung by the wind. san francisco's v windy. from pier 39 we took a boat to alcatraz island. (alcatraz is spanish for pelican.) there' s a preserved national monument on this island - it's only 22 acres btw - finally, an island smaller than singapore! this monument was originally a military fortress, complete with guns and cannons and all. after a while the military decided tt it was too costly to maintain cos it was cut off fr e mainland and they needed transport by boat and all.. so during the great depression they transferred it to the justice department which was growing really fast (prob due to all the crimes caused by unemployment and depletion of savings - i dunno). and they turned it into a civilian prison. apparently it was for housing the most notorious and dangerous convicts. like those convicted of kidnapping and umm murder? and tax evasion. well well u nv know what e govt considers serious - so pay ur taxes everyone!

anyway do you see america as a great land where everythg's provided? yes and no. yes cos.. there Are some aspects of welfarism in the american syst. fer eg, education is free. they dont have to pay a cent. e govt provides fer e elderly if they're unable to sppt themselves. in fact, there is qt a lot of govt sppt, qt like britain. parking is free in the smaller cities. but in san francisco - it's an hr. tt's.. ridiculously exorbitant. it's like japan. suddenly singapore doesnt seem so bad eh. but i think it's proof of the widening income gap in america.

sim wong hoo spoke of this before.. in america u can uturn unless there's a sign tt says u cant. in s'pore it's the other way ard. tt's called e no-u-turn-syndrome (nuts) HAHA. also the roads in america are v confusing. there are a lot of places where u cant turn left/right. and u wont know til u're there. so a road directory is qt useless really.

oh haha on the road we saw this jeep-like vehicle.. it had a canvas sheet covering the tyre at the back and on it were the words "back from iraq". and san1 gu1 said tt guy was v lucky to have survived iraq. in s'pore, if we saw some msg on a car or sth, we'd think it was fake, just used by someone to make a statement.

and in america the lifts dont have a panel telling u which level the lift is at now. in singapore that's an absolute must. if not how'd we know whether to take this lift or that, or take the stairs or run to the other lift at the end of the bldg so we can get upstairs asap?

and sth funny - u buy a small box of stuff, they give u a huge bag to put it in -____-. what a waste. just cos u're rich doesnt mean u have to show it.

anyway SF is v cold. brr. esp at night - the golden gate bridge there we stopped to take photos - e wind was so strong we just hurrieedly snapped a few shots and left. actually it wasnt night yet but it gets dark v early at this time of the year.. winter. ard 4 pm it starts to darken and by 5+ it's like 8/9pm singapore. e golden gate bridge isnt really tt impressive - just a red bridge. it shd be much nicer at night (real night) when all the lights nearby light it up. like in the postcards. dint get a chance to see it in reality tho.

on the way back we were caught in the jam and there were these young americans holding placards asking fer money. i sppse it's v common in america, which is really - like san1 gu1 says - a big pity cos these pple are young and healthy and shd be able to get a proper job - but they'd rather beg. in s'pore e young are guo2 jia1 wei4 lai2 de4 zhu3 ren2 weng1 and u wldnt see a 20sth yr old begging. seriously american society is gg down. degenerating. whatever.

hoho third day in america. first weekday the kids were off to school. anyway america is so big u cant possibly know all the roads. so if you're gg somewhere unfamiliar u hafta bring a map or u'll def get lost. it's like, their highways all exit to.. other highways, so u wldnt know which highway to exit to. it's scary. i wldnt wanna live here. i cant read maps. plus all e no left/ right turns.. =X somemore u have to own a car here cos e public transport system is so lousy it's practically non-existent. there's sppsed to be an MRT-like train, e BART, which we havent seen at all yet. we've seen a few public buses, which, considering how long we've been on e road, is pathetic.

americans use a lot of machines so san1 gu1 says.. cos their hses are so big and they're so busy they have no time. like dishwashers and dryers and microwaves.. all designed for speed. i guess e fascination with speed started in america then? (rmb our olvl eng compre.)

their security's v tight nowadays. dropped by patrick's school to drop him lunch - then stepped into the lunch area < 5m away fr e office to take a look - then this caustic american woman immediately appears and orders us off and ys sth abt having to go to e office to get a pass or sth. and wont listen to reason tt we were gg to leave and only taking a look ard. even parents, they dont allow and san1 gu1 was with us. hey i understand their concern and fear but at least u cld hvae ben a little NICER abt it? like how e hell were we sppsed to know we cldnt even walk to the end of the corridor > 5m away? not a v gd impression of america projected.

anyway. today we drove miles and milves away to Monterey for the 17 mile drive thg. it was really far away. of course in american terms it's nth - hey can drive fer 6h on end. tt's like fr s'pore to KL. but we stopped at gilroy on the way. it's a small city in the middle of nowhere. seriously, america's mostly just empty space. sparse scrub-like vegetation, and acres and acres of uninhabited area only cut thru by a highway. aparently 80% of america's empty space. like. o_O (if america's > densely populated than canada i wonder just what canada's like. ask pui when she comes back.) america's really dry. all the vegetation now is either 1. bare 2. withered 4 green but a sickly kind of green, not at all like the luxuriant broad green-leaved equatorial forest in singapore. a bit of geog here too haha. anyway we drove fer abt 4h? maybe to get there cos we mde a wrong turn here and there and stopped at gilroy fer lunch. the 17 mile drive are is basically protected woodland. it's on the west coast of california so u can see the pacific ocean. and BOY was it cold. it was even colder than the golden gate bridge night. the sea breeze was very refreshing. but it's e kind t can literally sweep u off ur feet. whooosh. there are lots of unique trees there. mostly cypress - those have white barks - and pines. at first i was pretty surprised, to say the least. we drover fer hours to see This? thought it migh at least be a bldg or sth. but then realised tt e place is beautiful - picturesque. they have rocks - tors (formed when many corestones are piled on top of one another HAHA geog) u can literally go Into the Pacific ocean if u dare brave the frigid waters (there actually were pple windsurfing), seagulls, and trees, and trees, and trees. there was this rock with hundreds of gulls on it. (it's claled bird rock -___-) and there's this tree which stands alone on a rock near e coast. it's called e Lone Cypress. like, u know, e lone anger. standing brave and alone with an air of.. aloofness, standoffishness, pride. and then there are golf courses, many of them. of course they are much larger than those in singapore. it's pretty strange, golf courses in a reserve. and houses too. i wonder who'd want to live miles and miles from the nearest market and u have no facilities other than golf courses. haha those were the most memorable sights i guess. the rest were mostly rocks and trees. i guess the sights and the wind were worth e long drive tho. surprisingly the drive back only took 1.5 hrs with jams and all.

Dear President Bush, i heard your budget's tilting precariously and u have a federal deficit of 3b. the american dollar's weakening severely and china's pretty happy abt it, it seems. wanna lessen the deficit? easy. cut govt spending. yes i know u want all folks in america to be able to live lift even tho they might have no money, parents or educatoin. after all, america is a great land. admirable really, but u shd really trim all excesses. i heard all kids get free school books. that's great, cos paper's really expensive nowadays. but do they really need Two copies of each book? please. we carry our books ard or leave them in school. need to refer? there's e internet. now this may only seem like aminor step, but like the chinese say, qian1 li3 zhi1 xing1, shi3 yu2 zu2 xia4. at least it'll help to cut costs in one aspect. i'm sure there are many other egs of wastage in govt, schs or public institutions. thrift is a virtue. please, u know e world looks to america fer leadership and sees it as a superpower. if u dont control ur ballooning deficit, it will have adverse effects on the world economy. dont disappoing all those who have such faith in you. rmb, americans voted you in for 4 more years. show them they havent made the wrong decision. and silence the rest.

today - nth much. just went Target to shop in the morning, to have a look at their malls and all. pretty much the same as singapore.. but their digcams are cheaper. much cheaper, cos japan wants to earn the american dollar so they reduce the price. =| after tt went SF airport to pick dad up - who managed to sleep abt 8h on the two flights. tt's a seasoned travellor fer u.

after tt we went to Costco, which is this huge wholesale centre. they sell things in bulk, at low low prices. really low esp fer chocs! =) okayy. basically the layout'sliek a warehouse, they store all their stock in the selling area there, up to the celing which is pretty high. e design's pretty good. for perishables tt require refrigeration, they have gigantic fridges in th emiddle of the bldg, and they have droors fr which u take what u want. so this essentially removes the need fer storage/selling areas. it's all v no-frills - so costs are kept low. it's qt an interesting concept. we dont have it in singapore tho - they might consider giving it a try. might prove qt popular - it's different fr those hypermarts like giant and carrefour - those they make e shelves fer displaying goods and for shopping off - here it's literally gg into a (albeit brightly lit) warehouse and choosing ur goods.

at night we went to other stores like JC Penny's, Macy's, Mervyn's.. basically qt similar la. just much larger than singapore's dept stores.. qt a long day - nth much. hate shopping.

today was visit-the-universities day. first stop - stanford. stanford's a private uni. we dint tour the whole campus, naturally, cos it's Huge. and it was raining too. it was really quiet, like there wasnt anyone there. only a few pple were seen walking abt. stanford's v majestic. all the bldgs are made of stone - brownish in colour. v sturdy look. there're lots of arches and corridors. and since it's all stone it looks really old - but it's not. looks like sth out of harry potter, except the colour of e stones is wrong. really. there's a lot of open space, gardens, statues, trees - students hugging in corridors, at least i saw 2.. and guess what there's even a church fer - get this straight - students and grads to get married. o_O in singapore grads and undergrads can join SDU. they're one step ahead here. maybe we shd open a church in NUS. or at least have nice stone corridors with archways leading out to pretty gardens where students can smooch hug and date. the BR's sure to go up.

then we went to UC berkeley. it's even bigger, i think. not too sure but sure seemed tt way. and there are so MANY asians! it's like Chinatown or sth. one thg abt berkeley is tt they dont have signs tt carry e name "berkeley", only "university of california" at most. which is v funny we were trying to find a sign w e name berkeley to take a photo with(cos there are 9 UCs in california), but cldnt. but what's funnier is tt outside e uni, the restaurants, shops, facilities - they all carry the name berkeley. at least, a lot do. it's like they capitalise on it or sth. berkeley's v weird. it's a mix of oldish and modern bldgs. the old kind - they have diff kinds of architecture, like greek, roman, british.. even some aspects of chinese, like umm stone lions and oriental patterns near e roof. whereas e modern kind - well they're just - bldgs, w big glass window panels. one thg i realised is tt in e old days, every culture had their own distinct architecture, v unique, and when u look @ the bldgs u can identify it. they have their own personality. but e newer bldgs mostly all look e same, just squarish/rectangular blocks of concrete with glass. (unless u're talking abt those out to make a statement, like the esplanade or sydney opera hse or e chinese national stadium or grand theatre or e Gherkin or sth). so in berkeley, the old bldgs are much nicer than the new ones. and speaking of architecture, if everyone starts designing bldgs to make a statement, and all the bldgs become fancy newfangled and plain odd.. it wldnt be unique anymore wld it.

anyway it's our last day in california.. to round off: california's the state most widely populated by asians in america. if you wanna live in america as an asian u'd do better in california. there are all the facilities and everythg in place already. food - diverse - we've had korean taiwanese malaysian singaporean chinese chinesemuslim vietnamese.. ard berkeley it's like little india. there's a chinese supermart even, and the variety of gds far exceeds what we have in s'pore. in their schs > half seem to be asian. and there isnt much discrimination in california but in other states there are practically no foreigners. california's the most livable state in america fer chinese. even then, i wldnt wanna stay here.

today we flew to las vegas. the airport security's very tight. goodness. and there are practically no chinese, only americans who travel here to gamble. one word: smoke. the whole place stinks. even on the airbridge it was a taste of things to come. =( the hotel is smoke-filled.

But whoa. this place is really Casino city. stepping into the airport arrival area,the first thing u see are.. slot machines. o_O rows and Rows of them. madness.

the hotels are all v nice. impressive. we're staying at the Excalibur. named after the sword in the legend of king arthur, so it's seriously like a palace, turrets and all. inside the room its medieval. lots of wood. lamps - those pull-cord kind. mirror - reminds me of arabian nights haha royal all the same. bedstead - there's e sword carved in it. even the curtains, e bedspread - the motifs all v medieval. cosy room but really makes u feel like u're in the middle ages. =) fr our window u can see other hotels like MGM Grand and the New York New York.

Forgot to mention that excalibur is a hotel cum casino. they have slot machines downstairs A LOT of them. bright lights, blinking, flashing - dazzling. really casino-ish. and not only that, they have other things as well, havent really seen what, but i think things like fortune telling? not sure, zong3 zhi1 it's like a whole theme park indoors self-contained amusement park. lots of colour and pple smoking and having fun. -____- whoo. it's really.. eye-opening. it's e sort of thing u read in books. gotta take pix.

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hoho u wont believe this. this place is damn cool. they have the "tournament of the kings" - quote: "u wont believe ur eyes as u're transported back to medieval times for a nite of invading armies, jousting kings, and royal celebrations, all while enjoying a delicious banquet u eat with ur hands." o_O they have a medieval village with shops and a Roundtable Buffet. must explore. pity we're only staying here 3 days.

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went exploring the hotel in the afternoon, all the shops. they mostly seel souvenirs and casino stuff like playing cards, loaded dice o_O, poker chips, strategy cards -___+ hahaha. of course all for ripping tourists off lah. most shops sell about the same thing tho. and they have this stage where there are performances - apparently there was a magic show and santa and mrs claus made an appearance, but dint catch. there's still the downstairs lvl to explore - havent done tt yet.

cant stand the food in america. it's either 1. fat 2. sweet or salty, or 3. highly lacking in fibre. euugh if i carry on like tt i'll just X_X. dinner - hotdogs. -___- just a sausage wrapped in bread. put ur own sauce (those in small packets.) and since mcs is (comparatively) cheap, tt's what most people will tend to eat. o wonder they're all so.. non-skinny, with all their high sodium, high sugar high fat high protein meals. =(

at night al the lights came on and it's really beaugiful. it's like what u see in the movies - lots of hotels with flashing signs - their names, "CASINO", what types of games they have, how much it costs - "penny 1cent".. and then they have shops too - but not many. there's a big coca cola bottle all dressed up in lights haha. took a walk down e hotel stretch - dint walk all tt far tho. figured out liao - all e casinos in LV are in the hotels. as in, they're all casino cum hotels so pple can gamble til late at night/ early morning then they go up and sleep. the NYNY is a hotel cum casino and they probably have shows too. so is the Monte Carlo, tho That one focuses more on e casino and they have a "resort" instead. sth interesting abt LV is that they kope bldg designs fr all over e world and dump them here. like, they have the paris hotel - it's a replica of the Eiffel Tower. and the Bellagio - its probably italian-styled. and the NYNY - they have a replica of the statue of liberty o_O. the aladdin is arabian, mosque-like. Caesar's palace is roman. v interesting architecture. u dont have to go all over the world to see different styles - they're all here =) of course it's much more commercialised la, lights and all. oh they have an Egyption pyramid with a sphinx too.. e luxor. o_O like wow.

abt this whole casino business, u see pple just curled up in their chairs, with a drink by their side, cigarette in hand, mechanically tapping the buttons, playing the slot machines and they're there for hours on end. it's very unhealthy. and yea read in the papers recently tt pple always imagine LV casinos to be high-class, with the high rollers in their limousines driving up and throwing a stack of cash onto the table, men in tuxedos.. well i guess tt happens once in a while, in the more high-class hotels maybe e monte carlo? but it's mostly just normal pple, americans fr other states, taking a holiday, wanting to try their luck, having wild dreams. the green blackjack, poker or whatever tables - they're manned by hotel employees in uniform, ladies, or balding men, not suave croupiers in black tuxedos. people expect more and are invariably disappointed. if u see how pple are at the machines the whole day, glazed eyes, cramped positions, stalled lives, you'd probably understand why s'pore shd Not have a casino.

wheee. whoke up at 6am today =( this is a HOLIDAY for goodness sake. aiyah but no choice e bus comes tt early. one word - DRIVE. okay another - LONG. LONG LONG LONG. we crossed e state line fr nevada to arizona to see e grand canyon. the trip there wasnt so bad - drove fer abt an hr to e hoover dam, which is where the state line is. tt's in a mountainous area, so the roads spiral like the thread of a corkscrew, and the line is just on part of the highway. which is onl a small part of the mountains. u know, as much as there's a lot of hype abt LV, it's actually only a small city in the middle of the desert. you drive a little out of LV and there's nth already. few pple live ard it. i dont know abt e rest of nevada but doesnt look too promising either.

arizona's even more of a desert area than nevada. passed thru e mohabi desert. it's made up of a lot of mountain ranges. seems like america's a pretty mountainous area, u see a lot of features in real life tt u'd only previously seen in marianne chong. but the mountains have different looks in different places. in california they're more like rolling hills, undulating landscape, smooth curves. covered with green (altho not exactly lush) vegetation. however in arizona e mtns are more rugged, sharper relief, more rocky, e contour changes arent smooth but more abrupt, and the rocks arent covered by a lot of vegetation so they're mostly brown. any vegetation is the desert kind, like those little spiky bushes/shrubs tt can roll along..

after the hoover dam we drove to kingman then williams. stopped there fer lunch. and there was snow! =D cos it was at 6500 ft. so basically we were driving up e mtn. cld feel e ears popping. and after an hr's drive more, we reached e grand canyon. and wha. breathtaking. really spectacular. it's one of the seven natural wonders of the world. it's 277 miles long, has a north and south and west (and i presume east) rim. the south rim, which is where we were at, is 7000 ft high, while the north rim is 14000 ft high. o_O e weather thankfully was good. sunny with light winds, unlike the previous days when it was freezing, foggy and cold and visibility was poor.but there was snow! it's all soft and slushy, like ice kachang =X we were standing on the top, at the edge, just before it plunges down into a.. canyon -__- ravine-like thing. precipice. apparently there're hotels and stuff down there o_O. first stop: mather point. then second yavapai point and third Bright Angel Lodge. actually there're lots of other pts u can stop at but i sppse we dint have the time. u can hike e grand canyon - takes five days =) anyway it wasnt v cold. but when e wind picked up it got pretty chilly. nice tho =D the air's pretty rarefied there. one guy had breathing difficulties - luckily wasnt v major. but he had to be given oxygen. ard 4+ e sun started to set and the grand canyon was bathed in orange. really pretty. so we just walked ard, enjoying the scenery, taking in the fresh (rarefied) air, basking in the warm sunshine, frolicking in the snow, with the delicious wind licking our faces and hands. whoo.

were there fer abt 2 hrs. the trip back was reallyyyy loong. seemed even longer than the trip There. looked out the window - the whole sky was orange, and the roads were black cos there are no streetlights. so u cld see distinct layers of colour. slowly the orange darkened to black. now i know what pitch dark means. u look outta e window, u see - black. (black is the absorption of all 7 colours of light. HAH.)

incidentally watched two movies on the coach - really helped kill time. first was a -romantic comedy- set mostly in LV. fools rush in - qt funny haha. it's qt cool to watch e movie and go, oh i've seen tt - oh i saw tt it's down e rd fr my hotel! =) second was The Italian Job. fast action thriller damn cool =D fast cars whoo. hahaha. and the coach driver's a cute 40sth mexican guy called louie. at least he sounds mexican. dunno.

today - boring. walked down LV blvd in the day and it looks rather different from at night. they've got cheap souvenir shops all down the road - kena cheated at the hotel liao =( they have this m&m shop - it seels m&ms (naturally), m&m souvenirs, they even have an m&m 3d movie. and u can turn ur ordinary pennies into m&m souvenir pennies. o_O. there's a coca cola shop too. dint go in tho. i presume it's pretty much the same thing. dunno why they have all these shops.. qt ptless isnt it. for earning the gullible-tourist dollar i guess. -_+ oh yea e bellagio's italian. there's an absolutely beautiful fountain outside it, on a lake kinda thg, and it shoots water at regular intervals with really cool patterns, and at the same time opera music will be played so it's like the fountain's singing. very nice. pretty pretty pretty.

at night we went to watch this show called KA @ the MGM. it's by the cirque du soleil - circus company. the KA theatre's really big - it maybe has approx the same no. of seats as the explanade but they're all on one level so it's much bigger. the whole place is outfitted for the show. it's very extravagant, they have special effects and pillars and galleries and speakers in the headrest of every seat, so its litterally -surround sound- even their ushers dress up in funny costumes for the show. it's specially custom-made for this KA show, which is a new show. just opened.

i guess with the totally grandiose and magnificent theatre, i went in expecting a lot fr it. must say i was pretty disappointed. (rmb what someone =P said abt if u dont go in expecting too much, u'll probably enjoy the exp more and wont be disappointed.) what Was impressive was of course, the large-scale high-tech state-of-the-art technology involved. they had this HUGE movable platform tt they used to different effects - sometimes it was a hill, sometimes the sea, sometimes land.. they cld rotate it 360 degrees, vertically horizongtally diagonally, everything. and then they had these pillars that just descended fr the top, and also snow -fake?- and sand -real- and FIRE tt just appeared in bursts of light and then gradually rising and fading away in midair. i dont see how tt cld have been real fire so i think maybe it's a laser effect. dunno, there were these huge spinning wills like those tt hamsters run on - they had people running on the outside surface. of course the choreography was brilliant, the costumes dazzling, the stunts stunning -___- the music - wow the music was really inspired, really brought out the different moods of the different scenes. i think the music was the best part actually =X but, the plot - what plot? i dint understand it, v confusing. and there was too much repetition, they just kept fighting and fighting and it got v monotonous after a while. overall i guess if u look at the details, pay attn to the technology and the crafting, its a work of art. but big picture-wise, if they'd rewritten the script, it'd have been much better. it just spoilt what wld otherwise have been fantastic. dunno the americans seemed to have liked it a lot - heard this guy saing tt it was "unbelievable" - but compared to what i'd seen in phuket.. of course it's much more high tech but i enjoyed the phuket one more (tho i cant really rmb it tho. =X)

and the americans dress up really elaborately for theatre events. i guess at the esplanade we'd dress up more too, but mostly we dont really bother. we're not that cultured? maybe. there're actually a lot of things we can learn fr them (as much as there are a lot of things we shdnt). and they open doors for ladies =P and another thg tt i think e PM mentioned bfore, and is pretty obvious here - they are a more caring society in general. they make a lot of provisions for the disabled. u see many many more people in wheelchairs on the streets in america than singapore - cos they can get ard much more easily. it's much more convenient for them. i guess it's much easier to live as a disabled person i america than in singapore. even in disneyland there are movable ramps for wheelchairs to move up the boats or trains or whatever rides they have. even up the buses. singapore? hah.

left LV today for LA. great - release fr the pollution-filled (smoke and exhaust) air of Sin City. it's the most polluted city in america. even while standing in line at the airport waiting to check in our baggage, we had to endure the smoke. the airport staff kept chasing us fr counter to counter - three counters in all - we were so exasperated. =( shorter queue shorter queue - yea right. murphy's law in action again.

[dad says to write tt he spent a lot of money on this trip =X]

LA! staying at park inn anaheim. just a short dist fr disneyland! =D wah the servings here are huge. 4 pple can eat 2-3 servings. we cldnt even finish 3 plates. stuffed. i'll bet i put on weight =(

went california adventures first, which is opp e rd fr disneyland. sat some CRAZY rides whoohoo. damn scary hahahha. like Mulholland madness. shdnt have taken it as our first ride. mad turns and jerks they bring you right to the edge of the curve then rapidly swing you back in. guess im a bit old fer this kinda thg so i found it.. all e same after a while.. just like a funfair in singapore really. dint take e roller coaster and the twr of terror tho - guess who said no.. dunno i cant really appreciate these rides. yea they're scary.. heart-stopping but i guess they're all just jerks plunges and screams, just with different scenery =X actually i've nv take a ride like these before =X so it's qt a new thg fer me - course it was scary =S but i wldnt do this all e time. these sorta thrills arent really fer me.

watched a remake of aladdin in the afternoon. stunning costumes, great music, sweet story =)

not much today. oh. salad. Salad. it's the only veg we can find so we eat it every lunch and dinner and im constantly reminded of mrs naidu saying the dressing's really FAT. but no choice what.. haish. american food. =(

at night watchd a spectacular electric light parade. basically huge floats totally covered in coloured lights. dazzling. beautiful. they had animals, carriages, carousels, a clock twr, cartoon characters, trains.. wow. i really liked it. v colourful. then we watched a brilliant fireworks display over disneyland. they're the kind of fireworks with such interesting patters tt u wldnt see during NDP. they had fake snow too o_O i though they only had fake snow in singapore. -_+ anyway i still think it's been one of the most fun days so far, better than driving miles and miles to monterey to see trees and birds and the ocean. =X

disneyland again today! =D it's really pretty! the bldgs are amazing - very quaint, some of them, like cottages/villages, or very grand, like the castles, or very cute, like in toontown!

rides.. scary =| splash mtn was e worst haha. it was an almost vertical drop into water o_O im gd at screaming haha. took a mini coaster tt wasnt v bad. and basically e whole day's like tt. but it feels great to just let go, let e inner child in u out, and be a kid again. =D just prancing ard, taking e carousel fer fun, running jumpng laughing screaming - it's almost like a dream. no wonder they call disneyland the "happiest place on earth". we took a ship =D and spining space thg. and a lot of other stuff.

watched a christmas parade at night - cld really feel the magic in the air. all the disney characters come out dancing.. sweet <=) i guess disney's popoular cos it's stories are so heartwarming and they're like dreams tt everyone harbours, playing out in front of their eyes, dreams turning into reality. they carry hope of love, of joy, of living happily ever after. those fairy tales - beauty meets handsome and blahblahbla - secretly everyone wants to meet someone and live happily ever after, so naturally it appeals. simply magical, and why not? if it can hold out hope to thousands of plain janes/jacks - doesnt it help make e world a better place? u say it's pure foolishness? well tt's ur opinion =) i dint grow up watching disney princesses - only watched beauty and the beast thousands of times cos it was e only one i owned. but i love the magic. =) yea fine snigger away.

incidentally there's a high-profile sensational trial tt's gripping california right now. it's the scott peterson case - this guy murdered his expectant wife so he cld be with his lover. he dint wanna be a dad or sth. he just wnated to carry on with his lover leading a carefree life or sth, im nt sure. jury gave him death. but they say there are 642 pple on death row and they hang pple at a rate of less than 1 per ear, so he'll probably die before he gets there. o_O when love turns sour..

I think what I want Disneyland to be most of all is a happy place - a place where adults and children can experience together some of the wonders of life, of adventure, and feel better because of it." -- walt disney

last day in america today.. =D woke up at 6.30 today -_+ guess who rolled off e bed hahahaha.

our guide kim took us fer a drive ard beverly hills.. it's e rich-man's district - many celebs and rich pple (like businessmen or lawyers maybe?) live/ lived there. incidentally kim has an incredible memory. driving thru beverly hills, she just rattled off the names of the people who'd lived in each hse we passed by. like, A lived here fr ___ to ___, then sold it off to B in mth,yr for $____, who lived in it until mth,yr when he sold it off to C who lived in it for ____ yrs before he died in mth,yr. and she remembers the dates of things like the LA earthquake, the costs of the hses, the attractions in places X Y and Z, the history of america - or at least some of the cities, interesting anecdotes, flight times, the cities in the county, the time zones which america and australia span across, the attractions in singapore which she visited more than ten yrs ago.. seemingly everythg. she knows everythg o_O she's either been a tour guide for v long, or she's a genius. anyway beverly hills is pretty much as we read abt in uhh nancy drew. huge houses, nicely mowed lawns. long driveways - there's this 127-room hse with a gift-wrapping room. -____- too much space right. why not seel some land to singapore. there are v tall hedges, v dense ones - guess these celebs all want privacy huh. -_+ and they have too much money - buy hses like buying clothes like tt. they own more than one - they rent the rest out -__- seriously.. nice treest ho. and yea they have servants. and we saw the sultan of brunei's pink palace. =D

as much as beverly hills conforms to book descriptions and expectations, hollywood is a very different story. when u hear hollywood, you think stars, glitz, glamour, flashing lightbulbs, crush of reporters? well, the only thing indicating is was a small white inconspicuous sign on a hill "hollywood". hollywood's actually a bad district - sleazy, red-light district, rampant prostitution, drug abuse, high crime rate. apparently at 10.30/11pm the prostitutes put on their (skimpy?) clothes and go out on the streets to hook someone. all these "undesirables" are nocturnal creatures - in the day they sleep at night they go hunting for prey. kim said it's like the movie Pretty Woman. the disparity btwn hollywood and beverly hills is really great. they're literally on opposite sides of a street, but they're a world apart. it's a fine line diving them.

spent most of the day in universal studios - the biggest studio in hollywood. basically they made it like a theme park - they put in rides and shows as well as the expected showing-u-how-they-make-movies thg. v commercialised, lots of food outlets. a bit like disneyland really, but a lot more interesting. fun! =) took a tram ride ard e studio - they showed us how they made rain, and floods, lightning, thunder, snow.. they showed us this little hse which they subsequently magnified to make it seem life-size. they showed us a water tank which they used to film the ocean.. a lot of v interesting sets. and they hv "Europe" they just change the languages on the signs of the shops to change the country. and this village they used for Gladiator? and this archway in which apparently every monster in thier films has passed thru. there was the parting of the "red sea" for our tram to go across the "river" and the ollapsing bridge which swung back into position after the tram had crossed it. basically - v cool la =D we saw a show on special effects - how they do monsters, blood (red food colouring and cornstarch), the same person in different places at once (eg eddy murphy in The Nutty Professor),sound effects, make actors look small, fry them (haha).. gave quite an insight into filmmaking. real funky =) and there was Backdraft - fire, and Waterworld - cool pyrotechnic effects. all in all - it was great.

at night we went to the chinese man's theatre. they have handprints and footprints of stars in concrete, all the way fr e 1920s. and along the sidewalk there are stars with celebs' names on them - it's the HOllywood Walk of Fame. sounds grand right. well it totally isnt. just pink starts on the pavement. the neighbourhood doesnt feel right. gives a creepy feeling, standing there in the evening. there was this "christmas" show with santa claus - seemingly v normal and festive, right? actually, no. kim said tt these pple actually belong to the Church of Scientology (like Tom Cruise) it's an unorthodox religion and they try to spread their ideas - so when kids go sit on "santa's" lap, they get paraphernelia promoting their religion. it's qt scary. saw this guy on stils, dressed in black flowing robes, walking ard. can seriously scare e hell outta u. and our trip ended - on tt note.

flying back - finally haha. after this trip i have 17 more days to do so many things. ahwell. in the plane from taipei to singapore now. terribly turbulent. whee. watched 5 movies this trip -__- watched catwoman, a cinderella's story, princess diaries 2, plus those i watched tt day in the coach. hahaha. all free too not bad huh. hope e jetlag wont be too bad.

well just to round off, america's a great place really, but most of the time prett overrated. dont go there expeccting too much and u'll probably like it there. living in singapore all my life, i think there are some aspects of america tt i'll nv get used to. i like being able to travel 15 min to get to sch, being able to take a bus home, being able to get so much variety of food anytime i want, being able to wear sleeveless shirts all yr rd, being able to go out at night, being able to breathe comfortably in public places. many things. i still feel that it's a good place to holiday in but not necessarily to live in. (yea even tho they have guys fr all over the world. the guy called nicholas @ disneyland, the waiter fr malaysia at Banana Leaf, the airport guy Vu, all those movie stars ^^ HAHAHA. nah. still like the guys at home better =D at least i know them.) damn the turbulence is real bad im getting dizzy. what's gg ON out there! it hasnt stopped since we started flying. well i guess tt's abt it. home sweet home =)

haha amy's damn funny. i sent her an email asking fer her address cos she sent me a christmas card w/ maylyn - yea abit early but anyway. so i said, "hello =) can i have ur addresses please? thank u =)) (big surprise lah haha)"

AMY'S ADDRESS!!

(she typed her email add here)

but that's email address

which you already have

coz you sent me the email

hmmmm........ lets try that again

AMY'S ADDRESS!!!

(she types her add here)

And our dear ole maylyn mui is away on a holiday in japan that lucky pig.

So unless you want to wait like a million yrs before she replies...

MAYLYN'S ADDRESS!!!

(she types maylyn's add here)

So that's that! =D Will be eagerly anticipating your big surprise..... hahahahha

=p.

Amy

and amy says:

what!!!!!!!

hmm. seems like maylyn mui managed to hijack a computer from an innocent bystander in tokyo.

SO typical.

tsktsk

hahah okok. this is getting retarded. =p She's in japan lah. dunno when she come back only. hahah. yupz.

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

I'll thank you in full when i finally receive the big surprise.

Although...how does one "thank in full"...

hmm...

haha,
-AMY

anyway im flying off tmr wont be back till 16th. really looking fwd to it =) but somehow.. doesnt feel like its Tmr. i dont even feel.. excited yet. usu even if i were gg m'sia i'd feel excited on e day bfore e trip but today.. dunno somehow its v muted, e feeling. yea im looking fwd to it as in i think its gonna be fun but. ahwell.

anyway im really glad taufik won cos i think he sings much better. but i get the feeling tt all those pple in the music industry, those pple who sign artistes on - what're they called? - they actually preferred sylvester to win cos they think he's easier to market. the newspapers said they were "pleasantly surprised" tt taufik won becos they expected a popularity vote but somehow it sounds euphemistic. but anyway why do they think sly's more popular than taufik? just cos those who sppt him (like esther dear) are all feng1 kuang2 doesnt mean tt he has More sppt. ah whatever. and life goes back to normal doesnt it.

shout rant scream harangue scold shrill admonish reprimand explode yell rage roar storm screech squall rave castigate insult holler lecture berate criticise censure chide nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag and e hse is like tt e whole day long. i cant stay at home the whole day i'll just go mad. after i come back im gg OUT. no wonder my dad doesnt stay at home fer long. he cant stand it. neither can i.

i picked up my erhu fer the first time since gongyan today. and i realised - i've lost it. i've lost my skills. every note i play just comes out so scratchy, and the yinse isnt right at all. the yinzhun's terrible - all e notes either too high or too low, and as much as e fingers try to position themselves correctly the ears still detect the deviation from the correct frequency. the fingers cant move fast enough, esp the last finger - which has Never been able to, i realised. i've forgotten the fingering for chang cheng, which we've been playing for three years. i cant play the fast parts of any song. the notes tremble. i cant even play, fer gdness sake, the lianxiqu which has been a staple of our playing diet fer the past FOUR whole years. as in, i seriously cant play it. of course i can go at a ridiculously slow speed and maybe make only a few mistakes, but i cant play at a decent speed and go fer more than 5 notes before i stumble. and this is totally depressing because - well its only been a few months, and i seem to have lost everythg?

honestly i dint Really rule out joining co in jc 100%, maybe just 90% or so +_-. but now? i cant even play the simplest songs, how am i gonna face anyone, considering tt i used to be.. not that bad. i cant even face my jnrs fer god's sake - i used to Teach them and now i think they're better than me. they're gg fer kaoji! and im struggling with a lianxiqu!

yea so u say its lack of practice. i dont think so - i realise tt all these problems have always been there, just tt with constant prac last time i cld sorta hide them. but not any more. the last finger problem - well i've always had tt, i think it's probably a physiological thg and no matter how hard i try i dont think i'll ever be able to overcome it. like mjh the fast part - i cld nv play it, not during prac, not during gongyan. of course it wasnt obvious to you.. im gd at covering up. HAHAHA.

anyway, as to whether i join co in jc. well it really depends, depends on whether i can pull myself up to 80% of my previous standard, depends on whether i can find some other cca im interested in, depends on whether the pple there are VERYVERYVERYVERYVERY zai, VERYVERYVERYVERY zai or just plain VERYVERYVERY zai, depends on how freaky my sectional leader is (fr what i've heard, its VERYVERYVERYVERYVERY cos he's so gd), depends on whether i think i can match up to expectations, depends on whether i'll be Right at the bottom or just Near the bottom or maybe with abit of luck, average, depends on.. oh a whole lot of factors.

but whatever it is, if i wanna pull myself up i need to prac. but frankly, i cant imagine practising e whole hols. last time prac used to be an obligation, sth tt i Had to do. now tt i dont Have to do it, i'd like to be able to enjoy tt. haish but then i'd have to live with the guilt and the feeling of uselessness. =(

haish. anyway. i hope my comp downstairs gets repaired soon. i dont want to keep having to use this comp (which is my dad's) cos it tracks everythg u do whereas e downstairs one, being more uhh OLD and more uhh "backward" doesnt have such "useful" functions. but i LIKE it tt way. a lot of the time, things get "improved" and "advanced", but then u lose the more basic things tt e old way used to allow. fer eg with the internet and the tech boom u dont have to Meet physically to communicate anymore, but then u lose the closeness u once had when u had to write letters or talk on the phone or meet up. or, now the playgrounds all have plastic.. structures tt u can climb on, and unrocky rocking horses and fancy high-end Things tt take some SKILL to use, and the ground's padded with some spongy material similar to tt of running tracks. no more swings, no more sand. so, u get "safety" which replaces "fun" and "sandcastles" and feeling the wind in your hair and screaming when someone pushes u too high up and the exhilaration. u miss good old fashioned fun. and u get, e way i see it, caution, an unwillingness to take risks, fear and deprivation. and as fer the comp, u get to track ur movements (goodness knows WHY u'd want to do tt, maybe so u can look fer stuff nxt time if u need it? or more fer the employers lah.) but u lose ur privacy. now everythg's backed up, so u wont lose ur info, u can always get it back. but what if u want it DESTROYED? now dont go thinking in terms of companies' records and destroying evidence in a case or sth. think in terms of sth very innocent, sth like maybe a photo u dont like or a personal letter or sth. u cant ever get rid of it. it's always somewhere, lurking ard in ur comp. the whole thg's a huge storage bin just absorbing everythg u put into it and keeping memories u've forgotten urself. maybe in the past, u'd curse yrself fer tearing and throwing sth away unwittingly. well pple have done tt countless times, and they've cursed themselves countless times too. but they've survived havent they? u lose sth, so what? does ur life dpd on it? (if it does i cant help u if u're so ------) u just learn to live without it. u regret, fer a while, and then u forget. u dont hang on to it ferever. however, with thgs the other way ard, u'll have to regret AND live with forever, your ever Creating sth tt u might ever want to destroy, because it'll always be there to haunt u.