Featuring the cow, a chicken, a lamb and two kiddies from Harvest Moon. Layout and coding by Cynthia Sun. Best viewed in IE 6.0+ and 1024x786 resolution.
Gustatory: Chipotle, Joy Yees, azn candy, MY cooking Visual: The Food Network Audio: Mindless Self Indulgence, Gackt, JPop Kinesthetic: DDR, feeding, doodling, scheming.
Height: ~174 cm
IQ: 100+
Weight: 72kg+
DOB: 25-12-87
Edibleness: 100%
Bandwidth:8 Mbps
Mistakes: 536,112,000 and counting
Taken Name: Topher
Alias: Gopher
SN: erazorlord93
gmail: erazorlord
pitas: erazorlord
xanga: erazorlord
Other Site: Geocities
Your problems, they don't melt into the past even if your memory does. What is, after all, Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba?
Your problems will twist and shout and mingle and breed and mutate; they will sprout arms and legs and shove a broomstick up your ass.
------------------------------- Topher released a bout of insanity at 11:10 p.m. -------------------------------
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Rinsing and Repeating
Back to a new school year full of promises and potential and several certain probabilities, back to a world of knowledge and culture and obscure accents, back to a familiar mythical box of troubles and disputes and inconveniences, all the same as when you left.
You might leave the university, but the university never leaves you.
Harvard owns me now, all of me, insomnia and late nights and later mornings, meals and shits and problem sets and poems. I'm no longer an individual; I'm a Harvard undergraduate student.
Harvard student robs bank.
Harvard student found dead, naked.
Harvard student found guilty of eighteen counts of manslaughter.
All that I might have, could have, should have, done with my life, my papers and poems and proofs, they're not really mine. My name isn't mine anymore, it's weighed down by the name of hundreds of generations of students, most of them white and male and protestant and dead, long, long gone.
But worst of all is how I can't escape it, leave it, throw it away. The same problems that consumed you last year, they're here to consume you again. Problems and drama and dissonance and fights, hating and slander and animosity and unrequited romance, fragments of friendships and loneliness, that's all tied to Harvard, too.
No other place on earth, huh?
How peculiar.
------------------------------- Topher released a bout of insanity at 01:13 p.m. -------------------------------
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Internal Dialogue
I remember for most of my conscious life wanting to be a writer, but recently it's been for all the wrong reasons.
I suspect that I'd much rather see my bestseller sitting on bookshelves, boasting my age on the back cover--published his first book at 17, 18, 19--than sit with self-satisfaction, alone in my room, knowing I wrote a great work of teenage fiction.
But now, I'm re-reading fight club one more time, and I realize how much anger and passion and energy and burning love I wanted to channel out of my bloodstream and into written words. Maybe, I realize, that's a foolish dream for a kid with so much going for him, but sometimes crashing is all in your head.
You can hit rock-bottom, no matter what you do.
And you can always be saved.
So now, I've got about two and a half days of summer left before my family hits the road to drive back to Harvard, and nary a manuscript written. I have a lot of stories I want to flesh out with my blood and guts and bodily fluids, but I don't, don't, don't know if there's enough time.
I guess that's the problem for nearly everyone, isn't it. There's barely enough time left to live, much less do anything else.
But that's the problem--
If not now, then when?
------------------------------- Topher released a bout of insanity at 02:05 p.m. -------------------------------
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Beginnings and Endings
Each closed door, there's a window waiting to be jimmied. Each locked window, there's a brick that's waiting to be thrown.
You think and muse and wonder and brood, it'll do you little good after you're worn down to ashes by the weight of the world and your silly little drama.
There's a reason catharsis feels so good.
People are social creatures.
------------------------------- Topher released a bout of insanity at 03:19 a.m. -------------------------------
