 
Feelings On Wednesday, October 9, 2002 At 06:18 p.m.
I become cold once again... Am I loosing emotions again? I feel Today I had a bad to start with and my bad 'chi' might continue to haunt me until the next 48 hours... No fair... I am failing my fucking history class for sure this semester and I really hate myself and the teacher for that cause. Then, well... things are just not going my goddamned way. I find myself alone in this world and I really consider that scary option of death... You see... it is not the correct thing to do, but do you people really think I care? I mean come on. Good thing is, I suppose, that I am a chicken to do it personally... I would not take away my life, but I sure do wish I was never born. That way I would not be a pain for all those people who I annoy and make mad. And it does seem that no one has the need of me in this world... So far I only have 2 reasons to be here in this place, but surely this ones are going to fade away soon... what am I going to do? Well... my stupid checks bounced and so my account was in negatives! AWFUL!! What a day. I am so... depressed. Yes, because I am not mad, but rather depressed. I hate myself so much... How the hell am I going to get through life. I bet I am not even pretty, nor nice, I am just a born looser. I hate life and everything to it. I want to cry, but I hate that too, because crying hurts... because I said to myself that crying leads to only despair. What am I to do? Oh and my mother needs to go to Monterrey to pick some money I need from my dad, but I cannot figure if Ricky will be able to give me a ride. How my luck is going, his mother is probably going to say no and it gets on my nerves that there is no argument about how important it is to Katya to get a ride so mother goes to Mexico. I hate it all!! I hate the world, NO ONE CARES DAMMIT! So I shall call Ricky later and see what about the ride. Well... I wonder how fast I could finish my career. I have something planned, but I am so stupid that it more than likely never going to work. I live in a fantasy don't I? My reasons to live? Well, one of them will surely affect my way of living... if this reason was to fade, I will loose the love I can give. I would be immune to love, I so promise... I would never allow myself to love deeply as it was. The other reason in abstract, but it has already begun to dissapear. Making someone proud has become a harder deal... I am loosing faith on myself. Well, I ordered this other things anime nation! :D! A Chii plushie, the Final Fantasy Japan Artbook, and Chobits OST! SO I hope I get them soon. ANyways... I need to be sometime alone in meditation...
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Sunday, October 6, 2002 At 12:43 p.m.
Feed me light so I can respond to your fire... Do I hurt you so? I feel What have I done lately? Well I do not believe I have done anything wrong in the deals of being somewhat intimate with Ricky e__e It is not like we are doing something bad... I know my mother would kill for what has been going on, but I do not see anything morbid about some kisses and what not. Anyways... seems that koibito does not wanna come over to my house for some time after the 'Hicky Incident', but I am sure my mom got over it. So I am not sure now... I feel lonely at home since now it seems like no one is coming over. ;_; Life is so unfair. Before yesterday I was again thinking of taking my life since this redundant quarrel came up... I... feel so useless... but I remember always that I have those few reasons to live for. And that there are some people who want to see me again, people who want to see me smile rather than filled with sadness. I ordered some things from anime nation and I found out that Maggie knows how to do ANY costume whatsoever! She is my queen and goddess now. She can also read the crystal ball for reals and knows all this witchcraftery deals I suppose. Anyways, she was making this awesome looking Akasha costume, but she stopped when doing the crown because it was getting on her nerves putting all those metal thingies on the wire. Well, I finally finished with the Ruroni Kenshin series and that was so long! x__x 95 episodes... and the ending was satyisfing. So now I am going to buy another series... maybe betterman. I feel really lonely. I wish Ricky could come today since my mom is not here, but I know he does not go out much on Sundays... I guess I will go to Andy's. I feel really bad today, I feel like crying, and I feel depressed.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Tuesday, October 1, 2002 At 08:32 a.m.
More trash that comes along I feel
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Thursday, September 26, 2002 At 02:54 p.m.
I don't feel like being alone today... I want to be with someone I feel Today was not a bad day at all n__n;; it was long, but it was fine. I saw Hellsing with the anime club and it was pretty nifty... that vampire guy was so cool looking and the anime has all this crazy bloodshed over it! xD! I liked the animation... Well, I did not really got to spend a lot of time with sweetipie since I just saw him for a short period of time -sigh- I am gonna be all bored at my house today since I don't have really anything to do... I could play kingdom hearts, but I really feel like having some company rather than being playing v_v;;; Yesterday I saw the movie of '8-legged freaks' and it was pretty nifty. Some spiders made random people noises like the coughing x__X;; that was stupid. But it was worth it and I got the 2002 book of the guinness records and crap for 3 dollars at the movies :D! It is in spanish, but I really don't mind at all. I am at the anime club right now and they are playing dead or alive for the X-Box, can't get the hang of the controller tho'. I think I need to go to the doctor today to get my ingrown toenail checked and see if it is getting any worse or better. This really bites. Oh, and perhaps my idea for the logo t-shirt for the anime clubby might be taken n__N! They wanted to use Katgirl Katya, but I am afraid someone might steal my cute/sexy katgirl... e_e;; So I drew something similar so they can use it and Mike liked it, he is the president, now we have a deadline of 2 weeks to turn in more ideas so that is plenty of time for me to think of something else or copyright things. I got my end of evangelion movie and I shall watch it today sometime. I really need to get paid so I can order the vampire fangs from the Queen of The Damned movie soon... I don't want any big vampire fangs since I am going to dress as Lestat for Halloween. I already have this leader outfit that is nifty looking and close to Lestat's style so I just need the fangs and some makeup that makes me look pale. I don't want to put this white paint on me... just regular makeup that is not white, rather my skin color but much more pale. Well, I already have the blue eyes contacts, but I need to buy some red ones just for fun. Hee. Well, I better go now's v__V;;; I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE TODAY!! -sniffle- wonder if Ricky or Andy might call me? I need someone to take me out or make me company.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Monday, September 23, 2002 At 09:54 p.m.
Someone was moody today so I decided to keep my slap myself and be quiet. I feel -sigh- Today was a slowish day and tomorrow it will be a long one. So what I did today was go to work and then come home, I appreciate a lot that Ricky was able to pick me up and drop me off x_x I really have to pay him for the gas because I feel really jerko so I am gonna give him that money I got left of my check meanwhile... I feel abusive, and it does not feel nice... he seemed a little off today actually e_e at least when he picked me up from work so I really did not want to ask him about anything if he did not feel to talk about it. I just happened to feel this unconfortable karma around. I got my X-mas gift of ever so long ago from Lina xD!! My X-files calendar and I like it so very muchies! Thank you!! Well, I drew this pretty Katgirl Katya picture but I shall scan it tomorrow and maybe even post it in that one Suikun bloggie I have. Oh! David lent me this big comic book of Lenore and I love it! xDD! It is rather morbid and very cynical since it is made by the same group who makes 'Johnny the Homicidal Maniac' but just drawn by a different guy. Hee. I love Lenore though! She has this puppy face to herself and she is awkwardly cute... -sick- E_e;; anywho... I shall continue my daily assigments and do stuff. So long now.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Friday, September 20, 2002 At 10:57 p.m.
More and more Kingdom Hearts jibberish I feel So I am basically gonna blog about Kingdom Hearts since I found most of the FF charas in this game. Besides Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie, I finally found Squall, Yuffie, and Aerith :D!! After that I went to the Hercules world and found Cloud! It is so cool and their voices are so perfect fitting for them n__N!! The mouth really does not move with the voice-overs, but I don't mind that... Aerith's is really emotional and Cloud's is intimidating but young. Squall's is serious and cynical. Yuffie's is rather funky xD! She sounds nice. Cid Highwind did not talk v__v;; So I believe I just need Sephiroth which he does not appear until later on in the game :D! I can't wait to hear HIS voice... Cloud gave me a real beating X_____X;;; but it does not matter really. So I am really happy since Aerith looks ever so pretty since she wears that same pink dress without the jacket thingy :D! And then Cloud looks so awesome with all those new add-ons and his demon wing N___N;;; Sora, the main chara is rather nifty and I like the idea of Goofy and Donald having artificial intelligence that way I don't have to worry about them too much xD! I watched Mr.Deeds with Ricky-koibito today and I really liked that movie. I usually do not like Adam Sandler's movies, but this one was pretty nice n__n! I enjoyed my day and hanged around with sweetiepie for quite a while since he was my ride ;__; I am such a dependent looser... sowwies. Well, he is also supposed to take me to work tomorrow at 11:00 I have to be there, so I sure hope he does not forget... I wish I would not have to bother him as much as I do x___x;; I really feel bad about having to waste other persons time for my stupid reasons... I am getting all depressed now... but still happy. Just a little touched with some sort of feeling that makes me feel bad.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Thursday, September 19, 2002 At 08:31 p.m.
Bad things come, bad things go. Everything dies no matter what. I feel OH! Well first off, I got Kingdom Hearts yesterday and I really like that game n__n;;; I love the voices for the original charas and then Selphie's voice is so cute! She is really psycho though x___X;; she kicked my ass a few times along with Tidus and Wakka... I also discovered that you pronounce Tidus' name 'Tee-dous' and that was a new for me since I kept saying it a very different way. Anyways... Wakka's and Tidus voices are not the same since they are also little kids. Hee. Well, about the rival, I like him. Riku seems to have some original sense to himself and besides he is your friend... or at least so far. He is a very odd person e___E; -typical- but he reminds me of a male-looking Kuja xD! Kairi is a really cute lil' gal who really reminds me of Hikari from Digimon! She is cheerful, and never annoying, hurray! Okay, the battle system is different in that game from other Square games... even it is close to Parasite Eve is still somewhat like Final Fantasy... except no random battles and Munny -money xD;;- is hard to earn too. So far I also found Cid, but he has not spoken so I do not know how he sounds like. I know I have to fight Leon -Squall- sometime soon so I shall hear his voice! I think this game is actually more challenging than what they make it sound x_x;; since it is active time battle you can even get hurt while casting magic! Summons are cool though! I wanna get Simba! RAWR! What else? Today I was working on both my raikou and suikun bloggies for my Katgirl Katya manga. Now I know I can use some scanners at Panam so I do not need to buy one for now. I am very hyper and happy right now... I do not know why really... Tomorrow I shall watch Mr. Deeds at the Panam theater with Ricky-koibito N___N;; I need to get some things done before that, but they are also from school so it should not take long. Anyways, the Anime club wants to make a drawing for the Student Union window and so all the artists shall get together and do something together x__X;;; maybe will end up with a chimera thing. So, I been having so many good things coming along with bad slaps, but I can handle some dirt on my face... My pride doesn't handle it, but even hurt I try to move on n_n! Nyah! I was telling some people from the anime club today of how I wanted to cosplay as Faye Valentine even though she does look somewhat skimpy e__e; but then I thought... it is not as bad as going in a bathing suit so HEY! I cannot be that bad! SO now I just need to find someone to make that 'shirt' since I believe I can find the shorts on my own as well as the jacket. Mike and Dulce told me how many guys are gonna be following me around since they would want a pic with me xD!! Then Orly suggested how we should instead go dressed as the pilars that protect Ayeka from Tenchi! -can just image been just a log with red kanji- Then either Ricky, Andy, or Nath would have to be Ayeka xDD;;; and that would not be right...
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Tuesday, September 17, 2002 At 07:00 p.m.
Tests to make up and record the results of I feel  Which Dead or Alive™ girl are you? Test by Ari. Is she the wrestler gal? O_o;;; I hardly know anything about Dead or Alive except that the last bad guy is really hard x_x;; and anyways she sorta does sound like me... as a matter of fact... she sounds VERY close to me...
What the hell? x_x That is not fair... besides they just had few charas anyways v__V;;; Grr... At least I give advice.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Monday, September 16, 2002 At 07:56 p.m.
People forgive or forget but never both. I feel I have been thinking today and I came to the conclusion that all the people are selfish. No matter how much, but there is some selfishness upon a person... See every person most of the time thinks of their own self rather than the others around. It makes me sad because I happen to be a person around and it makes me sad to think that I have to give something up someday. Anyways, I understand how it is, see... a certain person wants to get rid of some things and go away, but does he want to forget about every thing he has now? I wonder... I even wonder if I am important now that I think about it. Well, I am not depressed, but I am still somewhat worried. See, a few years is not a lot of time at all. I was thinking that I really have very few reasons to appreciate life for, but they might vanish sometime and might I have something else to replace it? I don't want that, I don't want replacements or temporary things... I wanted my life to be perfect in that sense, not having to forget. It is stupid how I am talking about this now since this might not happen until some time, but just... thought about it today. Well, in ligther notes, I bought some things today since I got paid :D!! I bought this Warcraft artbook, that one Kenshin DVD that I was missing, and the FFVIII strategy guide n__n;;; Since I am making Final Fantasy table-top rpgs I need the strategy guides to see the magic and summon status. Anyways, I am probably going to buy the other Kenshin DVD I am missing and the KareKano DVD. hee. I really wanna buy lots of things with this paycheck! And I also can't wait to get my Kingdom Hearts v_v;; Oh yeah... I think I have been sorta forgotten by many people x_x especially online friends... That is not cool, but I guess that happens. I am dissapointed and well yeah... just to some, but if the shoe fits go for it. So... I guess I am gonna find myself some online friend at random from blogs O_o;; perhaps I can find someone I can stick around mailing for a while.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Saturday, September 14, 2002 At 08:52 p.m.
Boring notes upon myself makes it interesting for others? I feel Well, today I have nothing to blog about except that I added this Propertylist to My Facts section of my blog to let people know about just some things I own. O_o;; you never know when some one might wanna buy something from you for a rather good price. So either way if there is anything people might be interested in I might listen. I also updated my e-mail address since I shall be using that s/n lately having some things uploaded there. I also updated MyManga sub-section under My Facts (once again) and the info page of it is still not even been worked on, but the Gallery is been worked on and just has like a few pictures there n_n;;; So I guess I am gonna go make a boxie for my bloggie now.
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
Feelings On Friday, September 13, 2002 At 02:31 p.m.
I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to be by someone's side. I feel What have I done in this days. Probably no one comes to my blog anymore since I have not used it for a while now x_x;;; Anyways, Andy recorded for me both the RGVeda OVAs and both the CardCaptorSakura movies! :D!! I am so happy! I love Sakura now n_n;;; And I think Yue is very very nifty. As a matter of fact I wanna do either a Yue layout or an Spinel-sun layout. Hee. I saw several The Adventures of Mini Goddesses episodes and they are so retarded! xDDD! They were rather funny though, but Excel Saga is still the most random and stupid anime in my list e__e;;; I couldn't follow the plot (if there is any) on it since that one girl kept getting killed... So also bought some mangas and what not! Angelic Layer is really cute! ^__^! I updated my wishlist and also the archive -duh- Ricky and me have been hanging around these past days and he surely makes me feel so special! :D!! I wuv my sweetiepie. Today is my mother's b-day, but after school I was feeling so terrible x___x that I stayed home, but now I want them to pick me up! xB! I got her this one porcelain doll since she likes them and this one Happy BDay beanie baby o_O;;; Apparently, my suggestion for the anime club logo was accepted by many, but I am still going to draw a guy and a mascot to complement the one girl n_n! The girls suggested that o_o;; Oh yeah e_e Someone screwed with my freakin' box, how did that happen I do not know. But what the hell have I done to deserve that, have you -random whoever- any idea of what a pain in the ass was to put that BOX!! XFF That was just an act of pure evil. I know it was not me because I had not used my blog when it got screwed v_v;;; Well, time to download some Sakura songs! :D!! Hurray hurray. BTW! The 2nd CCS movie is really good! People should watch it :D! Sakura tells Shaoran how much she loves him n_n -sniffle- And I also bought both Zenki Sagas, but I think I got to used with their voices in Spanish that I really don't like the voices in english nor in japanese! :D! I saw this one preview of the Virtua Figther Anime and I really want to buy it since it has been a while I don't see that one n_n!!
:.Take In Your Arms So I Won't Be Alone Anymore.:
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