 
Feelings On Wednesday, August 28, 2002 At 08:07 p.m.
I feel like a breeze, gentle for you to catch me anytime
I feel I feel rather relaxed today, I am blogging from the library since I am to lazy to set up my laptop and all that crap e_e;; besides, I think the plug doesn't wanna charge the computer unless it is in a certain position. Perhaps the cord has tore somewhat so I think I will take it to best buy sometime this week or next week. Ricky has been my ride lately ever since he got his car. I feel sorta abusive though because maybe he wastes too much gas? x___x I sure hope I am not a bother all this time is just that it is fun to be around him rather than my mother. I love my sweetiepie :D! And I have his gifts since his BDay is in September 7!
As for Panam... I love it there! I joined the anime club at the university and we shall make fund raisers to go to the Anime Ego convention in Dallas sometime this year! :D! It should be so much fun. Well, we can do a lot of stuff in the club and maybe we will also win a Pizza party if we are more than enough time in meetings n__n people are always in the office in fact I went to sleep there today in the morning a little before my class started. I also got info that I would perhaps be able to print a mini-manga in the Panam newspaper! It was a realistic suggestion given to me since they like the way I draw. These other people draw very good too! And some others wanna be part of the Manga team without drawing. I think it can all work out since a manga team does not have to necesarily have all artist people, some can be this and that. So I guess I will have to publish some story of mine that is not so confusing or controversial like my apocaliptic one. I guess I could publish 'Katgirl Katya' or 'Can't We All Just Get Along?' since those are commical or very close to it n__n I am so excited. So I need some info in copyright and find out how much it will cost so I can do that. For the meantime the guys allowed me to make a design or fanart character for the advertisement of the clubby! :D!! I feel so special these days. About my classes there is nothing so bad at all. My math teacher seems nice and my French teacher is so nifty! xD She does a lot of sarcasm, but she is rather nice with us. My english teacher might be strict and perhaps that class won't be a piece of cake e_e he sorta makes me nervious but he does not seem like a bad guy. My history teacher makes me laugh since he makes all this random comments, have not done anything in that class yet though. I must go back home so I can watch all this new videos I bought. Yeah, I got this El Hazard VHS and two Tenchi in Tokyo VHS each for 99cents! O___o;;; It was so cool! I also got the Queen of the Damned movie today and this one anime called A.D. Police, which is a short series and it came complete in a 2 DVD pack for a cheap price n__n! Bye bye now. 
Feelings On Saturday, August 24, 2002 At 10:23 a.m.
Long days become short everytime I step towards the cliff I have to jump
I feel Well I have been getting ready for college! :D! I got the schedule that I really wanted. At first I got all this classes that I did not want, but then some people got kicked off from the classes I needed because of payment issues so I stole those classes and now I have my perfect schedule! :D!!! I love it! So now... I get to take English composition, College Algebra, American Heritage, and French 1. I am happy with that. Ricky gets to be in American Heritage with me and maybe French if he figures out how to get rid of that one night class of his x_x;;; I wish my sweetiepie luck.
I did many things yesterday and also went to the movies and watched Signs which was rather good! xD! It reminded me of War of The Worlds and all this stuff. So nothing else to talk about and I must leave to work. I also bought the Final Fantasy X figure of Bahamut and it looks so pretty! :D!! That adds up to my dragon collection of figures! But his wing span is crazy and the detail and possability of that 'action figure' is really nice! I think it was worth buying that Bahamut for . The rest of my money goes to my checking account e_e
Feelings On Thursday, August 15, 2002 At 09:54 p.m.
Something I want to give you. Something you might not want.
I feel Well, yeah... my left arm hurts ;___; and well... I just needed to start off like that. This week everything has been so busy for me! I took the TASP and I think I did fairly well, but I still don't have the scores. Anyways, I will take the ACT this upcoming Tuesday and hopefully be able to go to orientation on Thursday... maybe Ricky can go with me if he has not gone? I dunno. So what else? Ah yes! I am almost done with my werewolf chronicle and hopefully I can finish this RPG on Saturday if everyone can go to Andy's house! :D!! And maybe we will start a Resident Evil rpg since I already made the character sheet setup and all that fun stuff.
I talked to Ricky yesterday and also to Andy. My mother has called several times since she went to Las Vegas x_x not a place that draws my attention really... I wouldn't mind going to India though O__o;;; So I am with my Aunt, which is not bad at all! She is so nice to me in many ways. Did I mention I got that new bathing suit? I think I had done it before... next issue: Lately I been feeling as if I get on everyone's nerves v_v;; I have the feeling that I am just been a pain in the ass for everyone I talk to. I just feel like an annoying person... I hope it is just me... maybe is just that it is that time of the month e__e;;;;;;; Work. At work Jessie and Odelia had some big quarrel and that was getting me sick because I am not an argument person x__X;;; specially when you work together, you might as well get along. Both of them are real nice to me so I am neutral is just that bleh... Jessie is nice to me and one of the persons who I seem to be able to talk the most, the freaky thing is that he can read me very well although sometimes I confuse him so I am not sure on that. Odelia is way older than me, but she seems to be like me in some thinking ways... we also both kissup the boss e_e;; So Jessie says I have some sort of psychic powers because I confuse him a lot and make some thing drop without even having to be near them when I mention it... that freaked me out today because it happened, so... anyways, he did piss me off today too because me made this one superficial joke towards me that I was not in the mood for. I ignored him for a while until he said he was sorry and if we could be friends again n__n that was nice of him. I have this aura perception about him though... as if he cared for me somehow, but I am unsure in what way... I hope is nothing, maybe just a friendly catch. I am good presenting things though ._.;; Well I was expecting something to be brought to me this week e_e but of course I should have not expected anything. Men are all the same, jerk and self-centered, some more of one than the other, but it equals the same. So next time I won't be surprised. So this makes no sense unless you are on my shoes... omit all this then. I think that is about all I wanted to talk about... oh no! I bought some Yu Gi Oh cards and Andy showed me the first episode so now he has me into the YGO playing card game mood! xD!! I whooped his butt big time at the library when we played like 5 rounds! I found this odd questionings and I decided to see what my own answers would be like: -Would you go out with a person of the opposite sex who is Bisexual? Well, if this person is a guy and acts like one then I suppose I would IF (big IF right there) I had actual feelings for this person -Are you superficial? If yes, what way? Kinda. I am superficial with myself x_x -Would you befriend a person of your same gender who is not straight? No biggie n_n we can be friends! -If you had a chance to reincarnate on something else, would you be human? I don't think I would. O_o;; how about a shapeshifter human or a vampire... they look human. -If you answered no, what would you be then? With the unreal creatures aside I would choose to be a mocking bird... yeah... because nobody would hunt them down! -Do you believe in 'Mind over Heart' or 'Heart over Mind'? How about a balance of both o_o;;? Mind over Heart still sounds more resonable though -Have you ever made someone feel bad, made them cry? Yeah... I tend to do that without wanting to... This one guy... and this one online friend... and my mother and stepbro and dad... and... maybe my sister? x_x;;; -Ever had a platonic love? Plenty n__n;; Especially my basketball coach in Monterrey... I would stalk him e_e;;; Other would be Brad Pitt o_o;;; and Jim Carrey for quite a while... -What would you name your kids if planning to have any? I would name a girl either Felicia or after myself n_n;; and if was a boy I would name him either Chris(thopher) or after his father's name, unless is Gaylord or something like that E_e;;
Feelings On Thursday, August 8, 2002 At 02:41 p.m.
Sometimes others forget about you... sometimes you forget about others.
I feel Interesting things that have happened to me lately? Well, surely for you all my life is not interesting and that is okay n__n;; but I still like to keep this in record to myself. Well, I took my TASP exam yesterday and I believe I will pass as well as do pretty fair. Some questions were tricky, but there is no penalty for guessing :D! So that is fine. After taking my test we went to the movies in Reynosa and watched Minority Report which the name in spanish really sucked E___e Sentencia Previa isn't really something that called my attention until I saw the poster and figure it was Minority Report.
Well, the movie itself was not what I thought it was going to be. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything really, just that the thing that was supposed to be wrong it was right and all that crap that no one will understand until they see the movie x__X;; I am hearing my mother's bitching about how I need to ask my father for money when I don't feel like it, fucking greedy beast e_e;; Anyways, I have been forgotten by people ;_; this week is almost over and well... I was expecting some calls that never came, from friends and what not. I expected a package that was probably never sent x_x;; but that is fine... I feel used. Bleh. I hate my sentimentality... I am not mad or depressed though, I am actually quite fine, just the thing that stuff happens. Well hopefully I will be able to go to Andy's after work and use his gameshark to get myself some pokemon n___N!! Maybe watch some of the Slayers TRY or his movies. He also told me he had his Pokemon RPG set up almost complete for table top. So I will have to lend him my 10-sided dices and I wonder how everything is going to be? Or if he even finished the whole thing... If not we could rp my Resident Evil or Parasite Eve tabletop one :D!
Feelings On Sunday, August 4, 2002 At 11:38 p.m.
I dream awake, perhaps I have been living a dream.
I feel Today was such a tiring day at work x_x or at least this whole weekend has been! I worked 9 hrs for three days straight and now I am dropping dead. Well, at least 2 of those days I did not close, today I did and it was not that bad since Mrs. B. left I was able to snatch some ice cream :9! Butter Pecan! Yay! Well, with that done we close and I got to wash dishes also... either way, Jessie lend me a dollar to buy myself some ice cream in case Mrs. B. did not leave, he was nice about it, but I gave it back to him since I had no need to use it. Later while closing Jessie and I talked about random stuff, about how I despise my mother... that even when I hear her voice it makes me so mad and all that. He told me different things that made me think, but I still believe Jessie does not get the picture that I am trying to give him. Anyways, he ain't someone I have my trust upon so I really don't care what he thinks.
When we were finished cleaning up we discovered that the drainage was clogged X___x;; and this huge puddle of water was there. Jessie allowed me to leave, but he said something before that made me consider and so I stayed and helped him out to clean up that mess, if not the boss would be so pissed at him. Yesenia and Veronica were so freakin' lazy about things, they did not even clean stuff right! Poor Jessie. Yeah, I got my new contact lense again and so now I can see again! Did I mention I bought this temporary tattoos? One is a bracelet, one is this pretty bird, and the other is this fucked up gray fairy looking thing xD! I wish I could get a real, but very small tattoo on the back of my shoulder or side hip of this dragon and phoenix :D! I really don't want something big E___e just a very small detail. Anyways, I do not believe I am getting anything anytime soon as long as I live with my mother so bleh... I need to open a bank account and stop wasting money 9_9;;; I need to start thinking on what to buy my koibito for his birthday. I know one thing I want to buy him, but I am not sure what else to buy him since the most important thing I wanted to give him is so hard to find! x_x! I hope I can think of something... my brother suggested me to think of something that he has on his room, but... then again... he... has nothing in his room xD;; Maybe I can find something at Spencers that he might like. He seems to be attracted to all those fancy and pretty light up stuffs. I have been playing Pokemon Pinball lately and it is so addicting! It is way harder to do anything... and catch... and evole pokemon o__O;; since you have to hit specific things and yeah... it is all odd. I need to stop wasting my time on playing things though since my TASP exam is on Weds. and even though it is just a resoning test I should still pay more attention to my studies.
Feelings On Friday, August 2, 2002 At 09:09 a.m.
I have been drained, gaia knows it is draining my life energy.
I feel I have done several things these past days. First, I went to South Padre Island for two days. Even though I did not felt like going I must admit it was rather relaxing. I bought these three temporary tattoos with this awesome looking drawings! :D! One has this gray wierd fairy thing. Anyways, I also got myself a new bathing suit since my green one made a huge raw scar on me e_e;; The water was cold all the time at the beach, but I got used to it even though I was mostly on the sand and pool. I feel so anxious and I miss Ricky a whole lot more this time than the last time he left. I sure hope this next week passes by quickly...
Well today I work 9 hrs. but at least I don't close. I despise closing... as a matter of fact I just plain despise my job... but at least it pays me off working all those hours since I need to pay for that one contact lense that ripped x_x and my car monthly payment. Well, I got my Resident Evil and Evangelion: Death and Rebirth movies yesterday and even though I had already seen them, watching them again is great! The Evangelion one is just amazing watching how Asuka bites and rips and all this other gore whenever those new evangelion prototypes show up! xD!! Fantastic!! Crazy how they eat her too! I also got myself a Glacier Gameboy Advance and I have been playing the pokemon gold version like crazy. I am all retarded! xDD! My brother bought the silver version and Ricky has the crystal version so it all works out. I think I did not miss anything? Well I sure hope not. So... ANDY DYED HIS HAIR! xDD BLUE!!! Although it looks all cool crazy! His roots look blue and then it starts to take this green teal tone at the tips! So it came out so fuckin' nifty! Erika, his sis, dyed it purple and it seems so nice considering it is my favorite color :D! She didn't dye it all the way, but it came out nicely done. Chino, his brother, wanted to dye it too, but they all voted him off since he is too young xDD poor kiddo, at the end he was glad he did not dye it. The color came out all spiffy! Go Andy and Erika!
Feelings On Saturday, July 27, 2002 At 09:27 a.m.
Morning sunshine wakes me up, I want to sleep two weeks straight though
I feel Well, what to say today... first off, one of my contact lenses ripped and that pisses me off so badly! My glasses don't have the same amount that the contact lenses did, it really bites. I went to Andy's yesterday and when I came back I figured that my contact was not on my eye... when I called him he found it, but it seemed like his dog chewed on it or something. I am sad because those things where an expensive gift so I will have to pay for the contact now. Man... and they are so freakin' expensive!!
Well, on to other happy news... e_e; I went to Andy's, like I said, and we saw the first DVD of the Slayers TRY and the movie of Escaflowne and the movie Clue. Clue was hillarious! xDD I thought that movie was great even though at the beginning it seemed stupid. Well, I had taken my RatKin book with me over there in case we roleplayed something with WereRat characters, but my mom picked me up early. I left my book there in accident x_x; and he lent me his Pokemon gold/silver guide! :D! I needed that. Today I work at 3 and it sucks e_e I miss my koibito so badly today ;__; I wish this nest two weeks went by faster than usual... I doubt that will happen for me though. Anyways, I created a new character yesterday during the late night/ morning? and I called her Spectrum Experiment No. 0741. I created her after the movie Red Planet because I love that robot AMEE a lot! But my chara is not really that x_x;;; I was just inspired by it. She is this cat (not catgirl) looking android with apparently no face features. She has a face, but her features of it can only be seen whenever she wants too or attacks. Spectrum can melt into a human form though, blah blah blah.... I don't have a complete story for her yet, but give me 10 minutes and I will probably do one. Her fangs are so freakin' awesome and also the way I figure her face melts away and back is so crazy!! xDD!
Feelings On Friday, July 26, 2002 At 09:02 a.m.
Meanings of the unknown don't have to be real, but it does sound so real.
I feel I woke up early today and I found this horoscope link in the AOL Welcome thing n_n! All of those things are provided by Astrology.com. Anyways, I love horoscope descriptions (not the predictions though), so I went to see the love match thing and lookie what came out:
Cancer(Me) and Virgo(Ricky) When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result. This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years [I like that n_n]. Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined. They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose. No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings! [;D well, whadayouknow!] Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer's quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo's keen adaptability and intelligence [I pretty much do]. These lovers may get off to a slow start [yeah...], but over time, bonds will only grow stronger. The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections. They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work [So I am not a freeloader n_n]. There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer's easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it's just Virgo's nature to point out what they observe, that it's not a personal attack [x_x yeah, I must control my sentimental area badly]. A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate's stubborn streak, but it's a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate. Also, Virgo's urge to serve suits Cancer's affectionate, nurturing nature well [Whoo! xD!]. The Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, and Mercury (Communication) rules Virgo. Though they're very different planets, they're both near the Sun and therefore always in one another's neighborhoods. The Moon is a mothering influence; it's about cultivation and fostering growth, which are both central concerns for Cancer [yeah e_e I happen to be motherly, I get impatient though]. Mercury is all about communication, and it's an androgynous energy -- Virgo will adapt and take on the form that it chooses, the guise that best serves a situation. Virgo takes an intellectual approach to life (especially compared to the emotional Cancer), but still manages to be perceptive and intuitive enough to figure others out if they choose. Good thing for the Crab, then, that a Virgo mate can get a feel for devotion and domestic fulfillment if that's what their Cancer lover desires [n__n;;; but I am adaptable too!]. These two won't argue about fulfilling one another's needs. They'll work at it and relish the rewards of their conscientiousness [Yesh, sounds fair and square]. Cancer is a Water Sign, and Virgo is an Earth Sign. Earth Signs, true to their name, are down-to-earth, but they can also be materialistic and preoccupied with acquisition. The Cancer-Virgo love partners like to surround themselves with comfortable, well-crafted things [...]. Water Signs rely on feeling and intuition, making Cancer the emotive force behind this relationship, in a subtle Cancer way, of course. Along with their desire for prosperity, their love of a fancy home life ensures that this couple will work hard toward this shared goal. Also, they're practical pair, and losing control is never really an issue [That is a good thing to know ^-^]. Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Virgo is a Mutable Sign. While Cancer gets things going, Virgo thrives on a changing routine of responsibilities and challenges. Because they're so ubiquitous, Virgo will find a place in Cancer's plans if they really want to. Virgo will keep in mind Cancer's plans, and will eventually bring results even if Cancer has moved on [n_n grawwr, agreeable is good]. What's the best aspect of Cancer-Virgo relationship? Their dedication to working toward the same goals [Ha! -raises fist, typhoon wave background]. Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals. Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match [xD! Yay! Always there for one another, 100% compatibles]. Well, that thing sure makes it sound so perfect! xD! It doesn't say that of every single combination though so I suppose it gets to be perfect! :D! Well, today I didn't wake up with any bad feelings or so, I don't believe I was mad in the first place anyways... but it does not matter anymore really, I must forget about that stupid incident. I went ahead and went horoscope crazy more today and got more things out about myself! n__n! I think all those things are nifty. Cancer Personality Cancer, the fourth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about home. Those born under this Sign are 'roots' kinds of people and take great pleasure in the comforts of home and family. Cancers are maternal, domestic and love to nurture others [purr n_n!]. More than likely, their family will be large, too -- the more, the merrier [I am not so sure about this one r_r]! Cancers will certainly be merry if their home life is serene and harmonious. Traditions are upheld with great zest in a Cancer's household, since these folks prize family history and love communal activities. They also tend to be patriotic, waving the flag whenever possible [yeah o_o; pretty much]. A Cancer's good memory is the basis for stories told around the dinner table, and don't be surprised if these folks get emotional about things to boot. Those born under this Sign wear their heart on their sleeve, which is just fine by them [true, sentimental type]. The mascot of Cancerians is the Crab, and much like this shelled little critter, Cancerians are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby [;_; real]! For Cancer, it's not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this 'shell' a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody [yeah, this is true, I am usually moody around most people]. Further, in keeping with their difficulty in sharing their innermost feelings, it can become a Herculean task to pry a Crab out of its secret hiding place [So it does take a while for me to trust someone]. What to do? Give the Crab time -- eventually these folks will come out to play again. When they do, they'll be the first to say so, in keeping with the Cardinal Quality attached to this Sign. It's said that Crabs are first to laugh and first to cry, so you can bet they'll fill you in. That shell, by the way, isn't the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, they're not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen [LOL! That is so freakin true, either I get it by charming or by prying, buddy!]. If that still doesn't work, they'll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal [-nod- yes, the ones I truly love I would do anything for them and never hurt them]. Cancerians are ruled by the Moon, the Great Mother of the heavens in ancient times. Here on Earth, this is manifested in the Crab's maternal instincts and desire to protect home and hearth. This may appear smothering at times, but that's the Crab for you [awr...]. The Moon is associated with fertility, too, a quality which is most pleasing to Cancerians. The Moon is also the ruler of moods, and Cancers have plenty of those. These folks can cry you a river if they're so inclined, and they usually are [well, what can I say! -blush-]. They can be overly sensitive, easily hurt and prone to brooding. Even so, Crabs find it easy to be sympathetic to others and are quick to show their affection [sensitivity n_n;; I am touched]. Their intuition is also a great help to them, especially in times of stress [Nobody believe me I have a good intuition e_e]. The Element associated with Cancer is Water. Like the rolling waves of the sea, the Crab's emotions can make quite a splash. These folks tend to pick up on things and bring them in, with the outward result ranging from sentimentality to possessiveness [I have been controling that lately]. Crabs need to resist the temptation to become selfish or to feel sorry for themselves, since this behavior won't help [yeah, I believe I have overcome that, or at least I know I used to be that way]. On the bright side, Cancers are good with money (although some consider them too thrifty), probably because they value a sense of security. Crabs are also quick to help others and tend to avoid confrontation [I dun like arguments 6.6]. In keeping with their nurturing bent, those born under this Sign are a whiz with food. A hearty picnic on the Fourth of July is heaven on earth to most Crabs [=9]. Cancers often find that a robust workout session is just the tonic for their touchy feelings. Team sports are always nice, since they offer a sense of community; water polo should be elemental to aquatic Crabs. What are their team colors? The Moon is silver and white [I used to be in team sports! n__n!]. Since Cancerians have a tendency to be lazy, however, they may need someone to push them out the door [...yeah that is true...]. When it comes to the game of love, eager Crabs are devoted, romantic and able to get things going on their own. Crabs are wise to listen to their gut, since this Sign rules the stomach [v_o nothing stupid, eh?]. The great strength of the Cancer-born is the tenacity with which they protect their loved ones [grah! xF Never mess with whoever I love or you will die for sure!]. These folks don't ask for much, either: a comfortable home and sense of peace about sums it up. It's that nurturing instinct which makes Cancerians a pleasure to be with [^_^ sure! I love being a hermit once in a while as long as I am not alone].
Feelings On Thursday, July 25, 2002 At 09:52 p.m.
Humans just don't learn from their mistakes, do they?
I feel Okay, there are no words to bring out since I am so very upset and twitching. ARGH!! I have just yelled my lungs out without saying anything because it is simply so... stupid! People are stupid! Guys are all so very misunderstanding the way I see it x___X!! URGH!! I really feel like grabbing someone by the shoulders and shaking the person and yell "WHY ME, DAMMIT?" But I have no one to do it to. I bet nobody has an idea of what I am talking about and it is better that way for you all. Geez, I mean, you would think that after kinda the same thing happened once it would not happen again...
So it starts off at work... I go to work and come back so very happy since I know I will be doing something today. Guess what! I call Ricky and ask him if he can probably come over and so he says that he can. Perfect? NO! Well the fact is that I waited here alone at my house for I have no idea how much time since I had the idea my koibito was going to show up sometime. He was just going to Wal-Mart for God's sakes! So anyways, the fact is not that he was not able to stay for a while (he did came and left in a second)... it is the fact that he did not call to tell me that he was not going to be able to make it. x__X! I seriously do not care for the reason, but he should have called so I wouldn't be here like a moron all day waiting! Not to mention that he did not even say 'sorry' when he came to left my videos (thanks for that... yeah...). AKJDKAJFLKAL'DKALKF Chingado... I could have fuckin' gone to Andy's or with my mother! I really hate my life, why the does it have to be me? I bet other people do not go through this pesting! So I am not mad really, it is just that... grah!! I won't mention anything since it is not serious, but I think it did affect me. Can't expect to much of any guy either way e_e BUT I just needed a freakin' call so I could leave my house! You know what a waste of day mine was!! Holy crap, I am crying, I hate crying... I really haven't done that in a while now... at least sentimental crying I haven't. Man, what a waste of time I had today, to think I could have gone somewhere! That so makes me... depressed! Well past is past, it cannot be changed, but it does affect the future. I hope my brother comes back soon. I need to talk to someone close. Well, while I cry and take this stupid argument off my heart and veins I will waste everyone's time mentioning what I have bought! LOTS OF MANGAS! I bought MagicKnightRayearth mangas from 1 to 6 and those are the 2 seasons and then I bought the second Star Wars Manga of A New Hope! N___n nifty stuff. Yeah hurray... bleh... I am not in the happy mood so nevermind. I will shut up now and yell as hard as I can. Well, even as depressed as I feel and even if Ricky was not able to spend some time with me or call me today I do wish him good luck on his trip and I pray that he will be alright. Let my dear guardian angel acompany him for his trip since I know that he will need him more than I need him. So even sad, I love Rick so very much! And... I also did not mean the don't worry about calling me part, I hope you can give me a call... I guess I just blurted out the not calling part because I was somewhat mad and I was being cold, but I did not meant that I really want Ricky to call me sometime, I had to come to my senses first and once again decide that it was a mistake, I came back to my senses in order to blog.
Feelings On Tuesday, July 23, 2002 At 12:42 p.m.
Ah, my heart shines brighter every time I am with only you...
I feel Well, I haven't blogged in a while and then that stupid tagboard won't work anymores v_v That is unfair. But anyways, what I was getting at is that yesterday I went to the beach with Ricky and my mother, who drove us to Schlitter... whatever! And it was so much fun, I actually liked that water park since you have to basically be on the water all the time and that is good. I had a lot of fun having some time with Ricky yesterday even though my mother had such a bad time x___X; I appreciate of her to have had that patience. After the park we went to the beach because for some stupid reason my legs got this rash and got a bit swollen! It sucks. Then by my armpit I got this bad live fresh cut that hurts and if you touch it is all gooey E___e;; It is getting better though. It hurts ;_;
So anyways, we finally went on our way home and I felt so exhausted! Ricky and me just sorta pampered each other and gladly my mother made no comment about anything, which I thought she would :D! So I feel real content today even if I have to work at 4. Lets see, today I guess nothing is coming up except that my grandma and aunt visit today and i need to spend time with them... bleh. I had this nifty dream that I had a toad! :D!! It was so cool because it was one of those fancy blue black toads that are big and all. The toad could open its mouth real wide and I was feeding it chicken O__o;;; He liked it though. It was odd... but now I really want one of those toads... Then I dreamed of something else that had to do with my work, but I really do not remember much about that one x_x;; I woke up at 8 because the phone rang and then went back to sleep at 9 just to wake up at 10:30... so tired... ... ... My mom was saying that we might go to the beach tomorrow after I get out of work. She told me to invite Ricky, but he has to go to church and I wanted to go with him too, but my mother surely won't let me. She is such a pain in the ass e_e;;
Feelings On Thursday, July 18, 2002 At 09:58 a.m.
I need some air to breath since I do not have gills for society
I feel I really don't feel like going to work today, but I must x_x;; Yesterday at work Jessica and Yesenia and Jessie were all talking about Odelia and they were mad about how no one helps whenever closing comes and all this big shit. I was neutral because I really hate taking sides... but sometimes they are right since many people only do a few things while others work their butt out! E___e That gets me. So I will see today what is up with those guys. I happen to eat lots of ice cream yesterday and then I had a real bad tummy cramp but I actually believe it was because it is that time of the month... and... yeah well... you know...
I chatted with my koibito yesterday and he was not in a very good mood. He told me he had had this quarrel with his mom, but it was hard to be explained by computer so I am sort of in the shadows, but somewhat not. I hope he doesn't strain himself with that because it is not right and it doesn't feel good e_e I know about it since it happens to me every day! It might even happen in a few minutes since I am sneaking online... Nu! I have to work at 2 and it is almost that time... bleh... I wanna go out somewhere! Maybe I could tell my brother that we can go somewhere tonight unless... I get a call..!! :D! -hint HINT- But either way, I don't want to stay home. Oh! By the way, I finally got my X/1999 Vol.1 Manga and I am so happy! I was able to find it in suncoast even though it is in english v_v;; And I mostly have them all in Japanese, but at least now I have it! Made me see that the movie really screwed up... and now I think it sucks e_e;; in the manga everything is so different... Oh! At suncoast they were playing the Star Wars movies! :D And they were the old ones, but new ones @_x;; which reminds me that I want to buy that triology because I love those movies! I think Luke is nifty e_e;; since he was Obi Wan's SUCCESFUL apprentice... Anyways, yeah, reminder to myself.
Feelings On Wednesday, July 17, 2002 At 02:56 p.m.
I am so taken away with this shade of sweet scents
I feel I am at the library right now and so I guess I took some time to blog of what has happened. Many things mangled with the forces around my life but everything is just fine now. Either way, Ricky was able to come over to my house yesterday and we swam for a while until we started to get cold and then we watched some Samurai X videos. Yeah, my lip was sorta busted by this accident, but it is fine now x_x there is no trace of being busted either way so nothing bad. So I had a great time with my koibito, I sure wanted to be a long time with him and so I am very happy today. He probably already finished his testing and I sure hope it went fine. I didn't meant to keep him until 11pm at my house knowing he had to rest well x_x;; I am sorry for that. I am sure you did fine though!
So I will have to go to work in a few minutes, but that is fine. When I get home I will play some games I suppose or just draw for a while :D Oh yeah! My brother brought his gameboy so I could use it too and now I can play this old gameboy games of mine xD!
Feelings On Monday, July 15, 2002 At 06:04 p.m.
This is the moment I was waiting for, I realize.
I feel I feel very good today and I really do not know why. Anyways :D! I did not have to close today at work so that is good and after work I went to Waldenbooks to look for this one book Ricky has been trying to find. They told me it is discontinued or something so you can't even order it anymore x_X;; I was going to do that and give them his phone number so he would know about it, but not anymore. They told me that maybe I could find that one book at this store called Books and Things I believe? I hope I can find it so he knows where to go :D! I still bought him this one pretty necklace that I sure hope he likes. It came with this nifty bracelet and the color is something that he would probably use with many things n_n!
I talked to Ricky yesterday for about ... a lot... of time x_X;;; I need to learn to talk less. I should perhaps control myself, I bet I get annoying E__e;;;;;;;; Well the fact is that we should be going to the beach tomorrow! :D!! I sure hope nothing happens because I been waiting for this all the week and I also sacrificed less hours of work for more in order to be able to go tomorrow to the beach! Yay! After tomorrow I promise I won't bother koibito with more us-time if he doesn't feel like we need it 9_9; I dun wanna get too bubble gummy either in order not to get anybody annoyed n_n!! I need to write an E-Mail to this Autism institution thing so I get some information on that syndrome since I want to specionalize on that whenever I study for Psychology. So I must go to some web surfing today and then perhaps get to know some specific child or person that suffers Autism or Asperger syndrome (those are whenever the person's have no emotions or very little of them anyways for you who don't know). Oh yeah! :D!! Whenever I talked to Rick I mentioned him about how my mom has always been and all and he told me that I shouldn't take her so literal and it is true n_n I won't allow her to hurt my feelings anymore or to mangle me around, except whenever she is making sense :D I won't push her limit either, just have some peaceful leaving. Ricky did suggest so really nice things about the situation and I had this relaxation feeling with me, maybe I had wanted to hear that. Either way, I am happy. My stepbro is probably coming back after tomorrow from his mom's house, but -- OH! Scooby Doo cartoons on Cartoon Network!! n___n! I must go! Bye bye!
Feelings On Saturday, July 13, 2002 At 11:40 a.m.
Share with me your happiness and I will bring out mine as well.
I feel Well yesterday sure was a nice day or so I say. I went to work after having a huge argument with my mother and I felt so bad that I felt like throwing up. I hate stress r_r; So my mom was going to ban me from going anywhere until August, but to my surprise she had picked up Ricky-koibito whenever she went for me to work! :D!! I was ever so lighted up and happy for that. I sure wanted to spend some little time with him for the longest time n__n;;; So I am very satisfied now and happy and I can't belive I am so in love!
I read part of Ricky's post and I guess he sorta misunderstood what I had tried to tell him that time at the movies 9_9;; but I really do not want to go there again. It was horrible for me to be depressed towards him so I will shush and never ever mention what ever happened a few days ago. Cross my heart. Like he said to me, we start off a new book =X My sweetiepie was really excited about getting his new car! And that made me so content to see him happy. I really admire the way he is and his thinking too. xD! I teased him about his 'fuzzy' chin, but the truth is that I don't mind it as long as it is not OsamaBinLaden type thing E___e;;; I just tease him about :D!! Anyways, I need to call him later tonight or tomorrow morning to see if Rick's mom can pick me up from work and maybe drive me there too since my mom needs to go to monterrey, but now that I think of it maybe he won't be able to since they go to church at 7 X___X;;; just my luck. Guess I will try to check that and if not then find someone else to give me a ride.
Feelings On Friday, July 12, 2002 At 10:25 a.m.
Sunny days are not my favorites, but I really don't mind one today.
I feel Yay! :D! I feel good today too and even though I must get to work at 4:00 p.m. I don't feel tired today. I was feeling so sleepy during work yesterday though, but that is because I had slept really late and woken up really early. Not today n_n; I slept until I felt rested and ready to go. Anyways, I had a very strange dream and I guess it came because I had asked my mother if she would allow me to go to South Padre when Ricky had the car and she hysterically said no r_r;; great. She said she could take us though which is not so bad if she... leaves to another place... The dream I had had something to do about that... It was me, Ricky, Jenna and my bro and we just slid through this scary looking water slide that I am sure nobody would have really gone in real life... maybe Jenna x_X;;
So today I am relaxed, but I have bad news about my car insurance. I was unable to get it because my mother needs a driver's liscence and it really bites. She does not know english, man! Well, it is just the insurance, with good luck and that little bible I have in there (it came with the car e_e) I hopefully won't get crashed. I was able to talk to my sweetiepie at night time and even though the 60% of the conversation was useless things I still felt happy about hearing him for a while. I sure wanna see him -sigh-. I don't think I need to do anything today before work so I guess I will just stay here online for a while and maybe spy on the wired sites for a while O__o;;; I also discovered that in the previews for the Matrix2 they don't give out anything, except that is the movie with the most dangerous stunt ever done in history! It is like a helicopter really low on the ground and something like that :D!! I wanna go see it!
Feelings On Thursday, July 11, 2002 At 12:19 p.m.
My smile couldn't be any brighter and warm now that every bad thing is forgotten.
I feel I am so very happy today now that I got a chance to chat with Ricky-koibito for a little while until I had to go take a shower and all that stuff. Well, We started writting a new book and this is a technical expression, just a metaphor and so that makes me so happy. We also agreed that while he won't become big foot, I won't become his vampire xD! That last comment might only be understood by us 2. Anyways, now that things had been talked I feel so much happy and warm and all that good stuff! Like a gummibear. So I love my koibito greatly and perhaps I will have a chance to see him next week. Hopefully he will give me a call before this week ends though 9_9;; I wouldn't mind hearing his voice.
I hope he can do everything he needs too for Panam and also his car he so much wants :D! And let's see... Oh! Maybe he can spend some time with the friends the weekend if his mom decides to allow him to go out. I sure hope she does, even though I will more than likely be very clogged busy during the weekend he can still do something with the other guys! n__n!
Feelings On Wednesday, July 10, 2002 At 09:11 p.m.
I was in black&white, but now that I feel better, my colors come back as well as my smile and cheerful half
I feel My mother and stepfather left for a while now and I just finished playing Mario Kart and talking to Andy by the phone. I needed to take some things of my system out and now I feel so much better. It is great! I have been listening to TheCorrs basically all day. My mom took me to Panam and I allowed her to drive my car since I need to update my Driver's Liscence before I start driving again :D! Oh! I also chose a name for my car finally, it will be Squall for several reasons that perhaps you people wouldn't understand since Squall actually represents somethings for me.
At Panam I did not really do anything so important, just go to the Financial Aid office for a few minutes to get some information about my FAFSA thing since I had done it already, but they were missing some papers to be copied. So that was it, I also asked for the dates of the orientations and that is about all I did. Then I came back home and laid on the bed for what seemed years while I was thinking long hours and that is when I decided to call Andy, because I don't think Ricky was home. And my nose bled today too, I am getting a bit worried about it again because it was just random without being in the sun for a long time either. I sure hope and pray that I am not anemic since I have been having symptoms for it lately. I have been cold all the time, I get tired easily, and my nose started bleeding once again. Well, my mom needs to get enough money to be able to take the blood tests to a doctor because they charge to much, but I think I will use my paycheck to do that better just in case I have something. -sigh- And then I have been so nervious and pressured and then I was dead worried about so many things and argh! This doesn't help to keep me out of sickness. And oh yeah the song that caught my bright side again was this one. I had already posted it, but I need to remind myself forever. At Your Side When the daylight's gone, & you're on your own And you need a friend, just to be around I will comfort you, I will take your hand And I'll pull you through, I will understand And you know that... I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together, we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone And you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side If life's standing still, and your soul's confused And you cannot find what road to choose If you make mistakes (make mistakes) You can't let me down (let me down) I will still believe (still believe) I will turn around And you know that I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side If you feel like you're alone And you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side I'll be at your side I'll be at your side You know that I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone You've got somewhere to go 'Coz I'm right there I'll be at your side I'll be right there for you (Together we'll survive) Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone You've got somewhere to go 'Coz I'm at your side Yeeeah, I'll be right there for you I'll be right there for you yeah I'm right at your side
Feelings On Wednesday, July 10, 2002 At 09:43 a.m.
So many things happened that it makes me dizzy and I need to puke them all...
I feel Today I feel somewhat cold again... literaly, you know, the kind that you shiver and all that. I... had a quarrel with my mother about my love life last night, but she did made me comphrehend somethings that at first I thought were very annoying. Either way, what happened before this is that Ricky did had some time to see...
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS FRIENDS! And that made me so happy yet... I still had wanted sometime with him, just us. I mean, I wanted to see him so bad and I am sure that no one else missed Ricky as much as myself did... I just wanted a half and hour, 15 minutes, does not matter and then he can go hang around with whatever friends! :D! He doesn't even need to take me if he does not want to anyways! So I was crying ever since he left until the time the movie ended, and that was because I love him so much that it felt like a slap in the face whenever I told him about what I felt should have happened. -sigh- All is better now, but I still have this disgusting feeling inside me after doing that, but I believe that conversation was a need. I am sorry. We went to the movies to watch Lilo & Stitch and well... I actually like the movie, and always said I hated it because yesterday and before yesterday I have hated so many things that I simply had to be pessimistic about something. Anyways, Ricky was suggesting to make up for what happened yesterday, today... but knowing my cheer luck it won't be able to happen. I did try to suggest something, but... I declined after seeing that it was in vain. He can't do anything on Thursday either and neither on the weekend so it really sucks... I just woke up and I guess I will be going to Panam sometime soon and maybe just randomly talk to myself about how evil life is to me! why me?! xF!! ARGH! I feel kinda, what is that called? Devastated? Yes, devastated by my personal own destiny light.
Feelings On Monday, July 8, 2002 At 10:58 p.m.
I really wanted to, but now there is some rocks in my path.
I feel Well, I guess I will start off with the good news -breath in- First, I got myself a car! Well, my parents did n_n! And it was at a very good price too for being a Gran Am 2001, isn't that great?! It is white, I actually wanted it marroon but as long as I have a car it does not matter, now I need to know my way around soon enough. Then, I get off days tommorrow and after tomorrow, but the bad thing is that I think Ricky is not going to have time. I really dispise time. I don't feel so good in the psychological state at the moment... so I will stop talking about how I am not going to be able to see Rick when I have the chance... now I feel pissed...I hate everything.
-snort- Now, what else did I have to say? I bought this Darth Maul figure that was really cool looking and was at a special price! He has this awesome pose and even though I am not even a fan of Darth Maul whatsoever, I couldn't help to leave it in the counter. I feel sad now, I feel so awkward and confused. I am crying. I don't want to cry now because I am not sure why it is for... or maybe I do but I don't want to confess it to myself. I hate melancholy in myself, but I can't help it... why can't I be a little more understanding and mature about some situations. If it is not now it will be some other time, right?
Feelings On Friday, July 5, 2002 At 01:49 a.m.
I wish the day had more than just 24 hours so I could do everything I need and want!
I feel Life is harsh and so I learned by tripping over and having to push myself up again. But that is not really the thing I should speak off even though I must... I feel odd, awkward... I feel nothing, like that empty shell I used to be most of the time. I feel like those times again somehow, I think I have been a distant loner lately now that I have a job and had no time... to socialize! Not even with online friends since I have so little time left to do anything! Well, anyways... I just needed to declare to myself that I haven't been the energetic and charismatic, cheerful self that I need to be, but instead I am gloomy and moody now... I even feel enraged for no reason! xF! It is so dumb and wierd! RAGH!!
The good things is that I just came from Andy's house since my family and me went to watch the pretty fireworks over there. I sure enjoyed them, but even so I am a little melancholic e_e;;; I wonder if it is just because I am a girl?? I don't think I should be feeling sad, har... I don't wanna be annoyingly about this so I shall stop. So! At Andy's I showed him my new game of Shadow Hearts and some Digimon of mine from the DigimonWorld3 game. What else? My mother and stepdad enjoyed being with the parents of Nathan and Andy and I discovered that Rafael works near the mall! xD!! I think that is funky. We played sharades once again and it was so wicked! Andy made such odd things to do like a 'Monkey Eating Watermelon' but I was able to guess so many of them! O___o;;; SO I had fun today and maybe tomorrow Andy, Nath, Kenneth, and me could go watch Minority Report after 9 pm or something. I hate my schedule but I am not really hopeful for calls either r____R;;; so it doesn't matter. I need to remind myself on finishing my fanfictions. I feel like writting a romance/drama sorta thing, but I am not sure which video game characters I will choose. Maybe Solid Snake and Naomi Hunter since she is a person I really like :D! I really just want a romantic innuendo r_r nothing so big of a deal, maybe just hinting to it, but that is all. The point is that I want to reveal how Naomi's obssession of hating David (Solid Snake) gave a U-Turn and became a total opposite feeling... R_R bleh... just my reminder note. Oh! I talked to Ms.B about my working hours and she said that she will give me shorter shifts next weeks which I am very glad for! What a relieve v_v really. I want some more me time now-a-days just to be lazing around I guess. Besides, being depressive and anxious might lead to anemia and that is not good. -deep breath, exhale- So now I will be working mostly part time except for the weekends because she needs me mostly that time.
Feelings On Wednesday, July 3, 2002 At 10:22 p.m.
I need your blood to be with mine forever so I don't have to feel like this.
I feel In short what I did my two days off I have not done anything important. Maybe the most I did was go to Reynosa and watch 3 movies in a row O_o;;; I paid to go watch Lilo and Stitch and it was pretty cute and nifty, I liked it and I think it was worth it. I sneaked into watch the last half of Dragonfly because I have it already, but I did not had the ending though and so I finally got to see it! :DD! It was so pretty and that made me discover how much I love children -shut- Anyways, I also watched Episode II once again since my brother insisted on watching it because he had not seen it. It was shorter this time o_O;; but I thought it was boring this time E__E;;;
Besides I can't cling to my brother... so there you go why it was boring... Ahem! In other things... I... bought a better hamster cage for Lestat! :D! He is happy on his new cage and it has all he needs basically even though he is afraid of the climbing tubes which I think that is ironic r_r;;; I wanna buy a gerbel, but I still have my hamster and so I guess I won't buy one until laters on in my life time.
Feelings On Sunday, June 30, 2002 At 10:22 p.m.
Ever so often, but this is a bit of nipping around.
I feel :D! Wow! Even if I had to work today until closing I feel so happy today. I really have no idea why... but perhaps it is because my self-esteem went up after I saw myself in my new bathing suit! ;D!! I feel very happy because my mother bought that for me and also because my dad left money that I used to buy Digimon World 3 video game with. Anyhow, I need to call Andy sometime today or tommorrow to see what we are going to do v_v; And also... another thing. I got to meet all the companions at work and they are so cool! :D!
First it is Odelia one of them and she is so nifty! She gives all this freebies and she also teaches me a lot of things about what to do and not to do. She is probably the oldest, but she is funny and very patient! Jessie is a nice guy who has a good sense of humor and he reminds me of one of those anime pretty boys xD! He has the same color of eyes as I do too... that is odd r_r Yesenia is nice and always being her antisocial self in a funny manner. She told me she has a kid and so that means she had a little slip in her romantic life, but she is nice. Veronica is usually quiet so I don't really get to talk to her much o_O;; but she always gives me tips and advice to talk to the boss. Jaime is just there... he is random and always whining about the people and the job! xD! He is immature sometimes, but always talking behind the bosses back. Jessica is like the manager person and she is not bad at all. If the boss is not there she will probably also give freebies since she is very patient too and smooth with the job. So those are the people I have to deal with along with the costumers! I must go to eat now.
Feelings On Sunday, June 30, 2002 At 12:58 a.m.
One day gone with that touch of beautiful bad luck.
I feel Well, in my birthday I really didn't do anything special, just went shopping for gifts with my dad and all that stuff. I also ate dinner with him, but soon after things started going downhill... I will meantion after I am done with my gift list :D!
-Resident Evil 3: Nemesis -Evangelion Unit 01 Prototype Model -The Matrix VHS -Shadow Hearts video game -Ruroni Kenshin Vol.17 DVD -Ruroni Kenshin Vol.18 DVD -Samurai X OVA DVD Vol.1 -Samurai X OVA DVD Vol.2 -Lucy(Peanuts) shirt saying: 'Lil Miss Drama' -Two Tweety shirts saying: 'Yo Quiero Dinero' & 'High Maintenace Chick' -A random shirt saying: 'Hot Property' xD!! -Another Tweety shirt saying: 'Tough Enough For You' -Evangelion Vol.2 Graphic Novel -Oh My Goddess: Love Potion No.9 Graphic Novel -Star Wars: A New Hope Vol.1 Manga Graphic Novel :D! -A Scooby Doo bean bag plushie -Hindu looking necklace... And so those were my gifts from the people I was able to see or at least recieve e_e Anyways, I am glad some people remembered about me since I like that. But I sorta hate my birth date because of the things that happen upon it. You see... today we had a reunion with my dad and mom and sister and godparents and... it sucked because they just keep bashing each other in a 'friendly' way but it is not friendly actually... So the whole enviorment becomes tense around me. X_x I am going to end up dying of a heart attack or some nerves disease... Well... my job sucks too and at least I got Monday and Tuesday off, but still... my schedule sucks for the rest of the week... it is mostly night time and I hate that very very much! That means I won't really have time for anything. Oh well, I guess I am going to talk to that woman and tell her that I want to be just 4 to 5 hrs. there and if she could at least make it on the mornings... she really has no need of me so late r___r;;; Well, anyways... I... want Ricky to be here with me... I don't feel so good today.
Feelings On Friday, June 28, 2002 At 10:36 a.m.
One more year of life, which means eighteen years of My Life. This is the story.
I feel Enough. Alright, how to start? My birth date is today, but actually I feel like something is going to happen. You know the feeling whenever you have a hunch that something bad is going to happen... that is exactly how I have felt for the past 3 days, but I really don't know why. I sure hope it is nothing, but in my birth day something has to happen bad. Besides, I usually have a bad day in my birth day ever since I was turning 14 x___x Just in my birth day my first freakin' first period happened! What kind of luck is that??! That sucked.... really... really... sucked... Anyways, r_r it is not that what I should be mentioning. So it is one more year piled up in my lifetime. Getting older, but not mentally, either way I must now mention all the memorable things that happened to me this whole year: First off, I started a great school year having all my friends there and also I was used to McAllen so much. I love it here and I had made more friends here so I didn't depend on just someone. As for what happened well, I became a senior and ready to graduate by the end of the year, I met some new people, Freshmens (Taylor, Mark, and Sara) who were nice and rather naive at that. I was happy I had a few classes with some friends and my teachers were just great! Expecially Mr. Kowalski, who happened to be my favorite one, I thank you so much for being my friend and teacher... n_n;; and for lending me those I needed for the cap&gawn! That is that. Throughout the year I met some more people online who did not pass to be friends, but others did. Like Jules who is a really gifted child and she has such a very nice personality. Not so long ago I met Kristen who is a very nice person too! She is very wide-minded and that is always a very good quality in a person. So my friends grow and I am glad because you always need friends no matter how short the amount of them is. Another thing about friends was that I started falling for someone during this time, I kept telling myself that it was just platonic and dumb to fall in love because I thought of it as stupid and mushed. Enrique was this guy and I love him because he is the one who makes me feel better all the time, who loves me just as much back, and who I know I can count on. So I ignored the fact that I was in love for quite a while, but during the second semester I was unable to and I admited my feelings to Ricky on May 4th of the 2002. This year I suffered depression for a while. I even considered suicide for more than once and it was not nice. When I went to the doctor he told me that the face medicine I was taking causes severe depression and that I could have killed myself! That scared me and so I never took that medicine again. I still had effects of depression, but it had been mild, it was just thinking about "what if he doesn't feel the same way for me?" stuff. That depression was just mild and the melancholic type of depression because I always thought Ricky would never like a girl like myself and I also thought he had a crush on someone else... I remember being quiet many times at the end of the day and telling my friends that it was just that the classes were pressuring me, but it was all a lie. I was never quiet because of class pressure. When I came home I would sometimes cry for hours and just meditate about my situation. You see when your mother tells you that the guy you love will never love you back because you are just too unfemenine or not good-looking doesn't inflict security. Now I know that those were lies, because I have feminity in me, but I must also have some masculinity in order to be balanced. I also know that I was always good-looking, but to see yourself being that you need to feel yourself that way and I have never done that until after Prom. More things, I did a couple of mistakes this year... like not taking the SAT and TASP on time and I got in deep trouble for that, but it is all fixed now. I also slagged off a lot this year and was almost in the virge of failing the semester. Some unlucky things came along too, for example... my friend Nathan told me how he felt for me and I had known he liked me since like we met... I told him that I did not felt the same way for him though and that there was another person I was thinking of. He had the idea it was Ricky. Well then, I was... I am still being misjudged by my so called friend Justin who thinks I am a devil worshiper of some sort and who always says things to Rick about me and I dislike that very very much. I must live with stones in the way though... I kept drawing a whole lot during this time and made a lot of new stories like the one of Berenice and Diane Cole. I hope my imagination keeps it up so I come up with more things. I also updated a lot of my ideas for some stories I had since like 4 years ago. The online RPing does come in very handy for creating storylines. That reminds me that I also started a werewolf rpg this year since I don't know when in which Ricky, Andy, Nathan, and myself participate and it is not finished yet either. Another thing was that I discovered the Neopets existed and that was no nifty because they are virtual pets that happen to be very addictive at the beginning, and I am still playing with the neopets. And I think that is the important things that have happened to me this year. I know there is more, but not as important to be mentioned here and to be remembered. Except maybe that Mexico lost to the U.S. in the World Cup 2 to 0 and that made me feel so freakin pissed! xF It really sucked man!
Feelings On Wednesday, June 26, 2002 At 11:08 p.m.
I am madly in love with the beings that I am loosing. My sweetiepie & Same-Bito the Beta Fish.
I feel Today I woke up just to find my poor fish dead in its water. I didn't cry this time because it was not murdered, it just died. My mom says I forgot to put some solution in and that I killed it, but I remember perfectly pouring in soulution, besides she might just want to make me feel guilty. Lately, I have been rather odd, but I am fine... my mom thinks I am getting too thin, but I doubt it. I don't think I am fat either actually v_v;; Anyways, today was the second day of job time and it was nice to be there for just 5 hours. Rest.
So after job I went to Suncoast to give more of the pay for the Escaflowne Movie Especial Edition DVD. Now I just owe or around that count. After, I went to my brother's basketball game and I was able to invite Andy to it so it was fun. The last minutes of the game where really exciting and close, but at the end my brother's team won! :D! Kenneth is probably the shortest guy in the team since most of them are 9th and 10th graders while he is an 8th grader! xD! Poor him, he played nice though. My mom dropped us off at Andy's place which is just across the street from where my brother's game was at. At Andy's we watched that one movie of mine: 'Scooby Doo in Zombie Island' since he had never watched before and he doesn't mind watching Scooby Doo flicks. It was a good day. We ended playing sharades and it was so much fun! xD!! I had to do Grand Theft Auto 3 and that was really nifty, but of course they guessed it right away. I made Andy play as Aerith and he was so freakin' funny, he didn't gave right away who he was acting as. My stepdad came to pick me and my brother up and so we were not able to finish the game, either way, I might do general cleansing tomorrow in my room after work. My neighbors just gave me this Prom pictures they had taken for me that day. The pictures came out so pretty and shiny. I will show them to Rick and give him one of each when he comes back since they are doubles :D! I must go eat dinner now and then check on my neopets.
Feelings On Monday, June 24, 2002 At 11:25 p.m.
Crumbles and crumbles come crashing below me.
I feel Today sure was a slow day for me. Man, I had been determining myself to wake up around 7 or 8 in the morning so I make it a habit for college (even if I get a evening schedule). At least I will have more time to do all this things I need to do... less time to sleep, but I really don't think I will need that lately. Anyways, today was also my first day at work in Freshen's and it was really nice. My boss likes me a lot since I learned to do all this different ice cream treats and smothies really fast, or so she says r_r;; But Yeseara (a really cool work partner who I met) tells me that she is usually grumpy with other newbies so that she might really like me. Anyways, I was able to meet her and Jaime who are really nice people n_n; they sure made me feel secure of what I was doing and all.
Well, it is fun to make smoothies! But whenever there are no costumers time goes by so freakin' slow and it is sometimes boring. V_v;; At least I will get paid a lot of money every 2 weeks and that is rather good. I am working random hours, but this week Mrs. Bee allowed me to take Friday off since it is my BDay and also tomorrow. That is nice. Well, I guess that is all about the job, I discovered that Suncoast might be hiring so I will go there and get some info, or maybe tell Rick about it and that way he will work in the store right beside Freshen's xD!! I bought Vol.15 of Ruroni Kenshin and I was not able to find Vol.16 anywhere xF!! I wonder where I can find that one DVD. I can't really watch them right now since my PS2 was confiscated, but I guess I will go to Andy's tommorrow and maybe watch at least TheCorrs one. Well, I must go now since my legs hurt a lot and all that... bleh... it sucks, that is the only thing I hate about workings. Stand up for about 8 hours or so.
Feelings On Monday, June 24, 2002 At 01:49 a.m.
I find it hard to take control, but melancholy is getting to me...
I feel I barely came back from Monterrey and no sign of anything new in my house... I am not sleepy, but rather tired. Anyways, I went to Monterrey yesterday and all that, I was able to see Rosy for a while and then Norma and Roxana along with Rosy today! It was great since I had not seen the others for years! Although I was homesick, in fact, I am always homesick lately besides I have been a little too quiet and cold towards my mother again. No matter, we are not fighting, just... having some missunderstandings.
I bought TheCorrs Unplugged CD and it is really nifty! I also bought TheCorrs Live In London DVD, but I haven't watched it yet not having my PS2, I can wait. My grandma bought a really pretty necklace for me today, I love it since it is indianlike and I love exotic things like those n_n;;; In fact I want a middle-eastern skirt, but I am sure my mother wouldn't let me wear it around because it would be odd for her... I would look pretty though! ;P! Anyways, I found this lyrics of TheCorrs that I felt were nice at this moment: Runaway Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you, I'm not alone, tell me you feel it too, And I would runaway, I would runaway, yeah, yeah, I would runaway, I would runaway with you, Cause I have fallen in love, With you, no never have, I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you, Close the door, lay down upon the floor, And by candlelight, candlelight make love to me through the night, through the night, through the night, 'Cause I have runaway, I have runaway, yeah, yeah, I have runaway, runaway, I have runaway with you, 'Cause I have fallen in love, fallen in love, With you, no never oh, oh, I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you, With you, And I would runaway, I would runaway, yeah, yeah, I would runaway, runaway, I would runaway hey with you, Cause I have, have fallen in love, fallen in love, With you, no never oh, oh, I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you, Fallen in love fallen in love With you, no never have I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you With you, my love, With you, with you, with you, with you, Fade Out. At Your Side When the daylight's gone, & you're on your own And you need a friend, just to be around I will comfort you, I will take your hand And I'll pull you through, I will understand And you know that... I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together, we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone And you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side If life's standing still, and your soul's confused And you cannot find what road to choose If you make mistakes (make mistakes) You can't let me down (let me down) I will still believe (still believe) I will turn around And you know that I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side If you feel like you're alone And you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side I'll be at your side I'll be at your side You know that I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone You've got somewhere to go 'Coz I'm right there I'll be at your side I'll be right there for you (Together we'll survive) Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone You've got somewhere to go 'Coz I'm at your side Yeeeah, I'll be right there for you I'll be right there for you yeah I'm right at your side Well, those were the songs. I think those are really nice lyrics and oh my how I miss my sweetiepie Y-Y;; Well, it is just about... 2 more weeks? And a half? Guess time didn't fly by for me... 
Yeah, I would be that v__v;;; I hate taking sides. Think of it like Extremes. 
Guys like you because you don't come across as high maintenance or complicated. You seem like a girl they can relate to and actually relax with. Who needs fancy restaurants and limousines when you have pizza and late night TV? Yeah, that sure sounds a hell lot like me actually o_O;; 
Based on the extreme pyschological advanced quiz you just took, it has been determined that you are Angelic! You are very caring, helpful and pure of heart. You don't go out of your way to lie, hurt feelings or do anything that wouldn't benefit someone. Your friends are very lucky to have you! Wow... how have the results of my quiz taking changed during the time xD! I like this one though. 
Sometimes this statement could be true v_x;;; but usually when I am depressed or feel some sort of bother with my feelings.
Feelings On Thursday, June 20, 2002 At 06:51 p.m.
All better now, but things are not looking so good in other senses.
I feel At least I am not stressed out anymore, I sure hope I do not get any sugar blood sickness out of all this pressure I have had. Geez. I feel better now since I will surely be able to go to college this semester... I might get a nasty schedule since I am gonna make it really late, but still, at least I will take four classes and all that stuff. Maybe I will take five classes, it wall depends since I might even have to go during night time. This sucks, but is better than nothing.
I read a bit of my sweetiepie's brog and I sure hope he is doing fine. I really do! He scared the bejesus outta me with that post, but I am glad he is fine. He needs to forget about that stupid flight v_v;;; and be less stressed, hope his cousins help him with that. Alright so, I bought myself a Scooby Doo night lamp and a night light too BD! I also have a new adress book and a diary to put things in that I omit to put in my blog for any reason. Either way, I miss my stepbro and... well... it might just be the fact that I am all loner without nothing to do really r_r thanks to my mother who took my PS2 away. Damn her. I wish it was monday so I could start work and less days for my BDay! yay... so exciting...
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