Tuesday, May 29, 2001
an update!
I'm ok.
I guess I'll do more than that. I did manage to go to new jersey, though I didn't get to see Paul because he wasn't home when I called. Instead I spent the "weekend" (in quotation marks because my weekend consists of sunday and monday rather than the normal person's weekend of saturday and sunday) with Tom, Kurt, and Eric. Eric and Kurt are brothers. We all had fun.
Um. saturday some guy hit on me a lot at the cut-a-thon at my school and slipped his phone number into my organizer while I was corn-rowing his hair. I tried calling him today and apparently he's moved.
Interesting.
Oh well, he was a meat-eating cigarette-smoking christian and that combination just screams disaster for an Emily like myself.
um. anyway. I'm tired. I think I'll sleep now. yep.
10:26 p.m.
Thursday, May 24, 2001
not so much bad as boring.
I was very tired today. It was not fun. Sat in class and watched a platform stylist do his thang. Eh.
Stayed up too late last night because I was distracted by Alice, who also lives in the middle of nowhere, PA. Though not necessarily MY middle of nowhere, PA.
Trying to go to NJ this weekend. Forgot that I'm supposed to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show saturday at midnight. How can I get out of it? Hmm ...
Erm. Chris and I had a "special moment" today at the park and he told me I'm a good friend. It made me happy to hear. No one's told me that in a very long time.
uh... I'm tired. I think I'll sleep soon.
Rock on, party people.
09:05 p.m.
Wednesday, May 23, 2001
"red line"
"all alone again. phone forgot to ring. even if it did I doubt that it would be for me. bedside table photographs of you. half-smoked cigarettes remember something too good to be true. and you called me and told me you were home watching movies with your friends while I sit by the phone. I guess I'll have another cigarette. guess I'm write another song. If I could be anything, I'd be an aeroplane and I'd fly so far away. 500 miles so you could look at me that way. the ceiling is so lonely when it's all that you can see. lying here on my back thinking of your smile and the next time you'll show it to me. I can't help being jealous of your room when you're in it all alone. and I can't help being jealous of your friends when you're having fun and I'm stuck here at home. I took the el today and everything reminded me of you. i remember when you sat on the stairs eating popsicles that turned your lips blue. I knew it then I know it know. my favourite dream has come true. I knew it then I know now.
I love you so much and I'll never meet another like you."
-the broadways
That song still makes me sad.
the perfect ending to a frustrating day. worked until midnight last night without knowing I would be, overslept today so I had to rush to get to school on time. at school I had a client who wanted microbraids with extensions (-- I'm in cosmetology school). it took me 9 1/2 hours, and I only got a short break to eat my little lunch. it was ok, though, right? got home, 2 1/2 hours later than I told my dad I would be (I told him I'd help him after school). then I tried to make spaghetti and forgot it was on the stove and burnt half of it. first time ever.
But really, I've had worse days. All these things together, along with the 130+ messages in my inbox, none of which were actually for me, piled on top of one another just made me feel slightly ..... you know. we've all had those days.
But really. Everything's ok. I'm gonna try to go to new jersey this weekend to see some of my friends. namely Paul and Tom.
I should sleep now. Listen to the broadways. they did things I didn't do (smoke) just as alkaline trio do things I don't (drink) but still all their songs seem to speak personally to me.
Hm. I should say something positive now to instill a sense of justice in the minds of everyone...
I'll get back to you on that. I'm still living. That's positive, right? I feel pretty stable. That's a good feeling.
Everything's just fine.
09:13 p.m.
Monday, May 21, 2001
the same song I was listening to yesterday when I did my entry is playing now.
Weird. I didn't plan it this way.
Anyway, it's my day off. Lovely monday. Yesterday Jared and I hung out and made vegan tacos and watched tv. It was good times, despite a rocky start (he was late getting home, and it annoyed me as I was there a full 40 minutes before he was. that's the truncated version of the story, at least ...). I've stayed up until 4 am the past 2 days for no discernible reason. I am silly, I suppose, staying up, doing nothing.
Speaking of which, it occurs to me that my new responsible life style (minus the 4 am thing) might end up cultivating a predictable, boring Emily. This saddens me considerably. The chaos is going out of my eyes!
I've gotten used to being the random one. What do I do now that I may not be? Or am I still, I just don't notice it because I'm not insane or as broken anymore? Do I need that instability to be interesting?
I guess I'll just be boring and accept things as they come and go. It's worked so far these past few weeks. I'm digging the stability game. Uh. Yep.
So I was supposed to sell these tickets for my school for a Cut-A-Thon we're having on saturday, may 26 to benefit the 4 Diamonds Fund (pediatric cancer thingy). Out of 10 tickets, guess how many I've sold. None. That's right, none. I am evil. I feel bad for trying to convince people to pay $10 for this ticket, when usually our haircuts cost $7.50. True, it is for charity. and a good one at that. I suppose I'm letting my insecurities get the best of me. Ha. Old story, new characters.
I start work tomorrow. I need to draw a picture today for a friend. for her salon. I hope it doesn't suck.
this dan contributes to maim and his site is really neat. So check it out.
That's my pointless plug for the day. Oh, and emily.waferbaby still isn't up, but at least it has an index page telling you that now.
and already pictures of me are being uploaded. I am shamelessly narcissistic.
02:11 p.m.
Saturday, May 19, 2001
$8,000 is a whole lot of money, and I could use it.
Could be that it's my imagination, but I think I hear you now. so come out come out, where ever you are. olly olly olly oxen free.
anyway, that was some Atom and his Package for you. just you. and only you.
this page is great. found it because I'm hosting another fusion (here is my first one) and am using only dieselsweeties message board members. eric replied, and I checked out his page and liked it. so you should too.
in other news, I signed my forms of employment today at border's. starting tuesday, I will be trained as a cafe employee. which brings up an interesting moral question for me, as I am attempting veganism. that's a lot of dairy and some meat I'll be working around. how will it affect my decision? Of course, I still wear my leather boots, leather belt, and, when it's cold, my leather jacket. I'm so silly.
after I found out I wouldn't be working until Tuesday, I decided I should go to new jersey this weekend to see Paul and crew, and Tom. only I couldn't get a hold of any of them. It's amazing how you can be totally ok with where you are, then not be anymore once you get it in your head to leave. yeah. this has happened to me several times. wanderlust, HOW I HATE YOU.
uh. in other news ... would you look at that? My life is falling into order again! let me do a run down for all those who do not obsessively follow my comings and goings ...
1) I am going to school every day, on time, if not early.
2) I now have a job.
3) I am not on any weird mind-altering medications.
4) my dad and I are getting along.
5) being single is just suiting me fine.
Isn't that neat?
I've been reading A Simple Path by the Dalai Lama (my idol) and it brings about all kinds of neat perspectives. anyone who hasn't should read up on buddhism.
man. I wish I was more entertaining, but really .. well .. I need to get a portfolio together so I can start applying to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. It's what my heart is set on and has been set on for the past year.
oh my wacky heart. always pulling tricks on me. at least it still beats with regularity. Thanks!
I'm reading poor euphoria right now. That JC is one fucked up little man.
uh. steve took the picture here. neat, eh? we were in a graveyard in andover, MA. fun stuff!
nothing else really to say. I'm feeling kinda down. I wanted to go out. I am a fool.
back to the laundry.
10:53 p.m.
Wednesday, May 16, 2001
interesting goings-on..
call today from Border's. orientation on saturday, 4:30. heh. I'm gonna work at the cafe of a big corporation. yet, I am strangely thrilled.
oh, hey. mohawk time again. neat.
helped out with the theraputic riding program for the handicapped today. takes place on my farm every tuesday, wednesday, and saturday now. I felt useful. it was nice.
now I'm tired, but I'm awaiting a phone call so I shall stay awake until then.
fucked up my painting last night. see? there is writing all over it. I need to work on skin tone. portrait pink smeared everywhere just doesn't do it for me.
I can't wait until I have money to buy more paints. I miss them so.
buddhism is good. the dalai lama is my idol. read all his books.
and kids, let's avoid those petty squabbles, mm-k?
the end.
09:45 p.m.
Tuesday, May 15, 2001
verily, my itching is nearly through!
I like the word verily.I needed an entry to start with V. So there it is.
the steroids have done their work well in drying out my poison ivy. and I have finished Uncle Tom's Cabin. I also saw Pi last night, and The Mummy Returns the night before. I was confounded by Uncle Tom's Cabin, as I thought it would be much more of a graphic depiction of slavery and less about Christianity. Oh well.
The Mummy Returns was every ounce as bad as I thought it would be. I only went because my friend Steve (the one whom I've known for 7 years and dated twice) asked me to go with him, and I rarely get to see him, as he goes to school in Virginia. So he, and his girlfriend Annie, and her brother and I all went to see it. It was amusing, both with the terrible jokes and the entirely computer generated backgrounds. Really it was just computer graphics with live actors. Everything bad you've heard about it is true, and everything good is probably just an exaggeration.
As for Pi ... well, I've wanted to see it for a while and it far exceeded anything I could have imagined. It is the type of movie I thrive on, creating quite a contrast to The Mummy Returns. It's one of those movies that just has to be seen to be appreciated. No amount of words could properly describe it, so I'll stop. Though I want to call it a mathmatical thriller. heheh.
uhh ... hm. Today I had an interview at Border's. It was ok. On the way to my counseling appointment afterwards, some guy pulled some sort of idiot driver manuever so I gave him the finger. He got really pissed off and started doing the kiss off gesture to me, so I shrugged. He stopped after that. People are weird (myself included, I admit).
"starfish with its arms out in a daze, staring at the stars through an ocean haze. was I one you wished upon? burned out like a light blub when you turned me on. and it's so nice sleeping here all alone with my ashtray, white courtesy telephone. now I'm making out the shapes like the shower rod, can it take my weight? I will tell you I am fine. I've got some news, friend, feels like I'm dying." Oh .. how I love Jets to Brazil.
dan told me that I'm a purple-haired, big breasted, four-eyed people eater. Or something. I don't know, he was being witty and I've fucked it up.
I should say something meaningful and introspective that will change your opinion of the world, and even life itself. But I just can't. Sorry kids. Forgive me.
08:59 p.m.
Sunday, May 13, 2001
NOOO!!!!!!
DOUGLAS ADAMS IS DEAD. No no no no no.
NO nono noNono noNOnononoNO no nO no.
NO NO NO NO
NO
ok. I'm upset by this.
I'll talk about something else now. I called Tom last night and we talked for several hours - very bad for my phone bill. stupid money. then I called my mom today and told her happy mother's day and we talked for a long time. also bad for the phone bill.
I don't understand the rising popularity of weblogs, or the fans they pull in. People like this nickd fellow are apparently amassing enough fans to warrant t-shirt production but I don't see why. Stuff like waferbaby at least gives you a lot of content and things to do. It's more like a community of people with common interests, rather than a guy telling you his daily life. Granted, some of nickd's life is rather amusing and introspective, but isn't that how most people work?
Eh. Oh well. I'm probably just jealous.
I think I'll go read Uncle Tom's Cabin some more. I only have 70 or so pages left.
RIP Douglas Adams.
RIP the social life I thought I had.
let's roll out more pathetic self-indulgence.
02:29 p.m.
Thursday, May 10, 2001
customer service is my friend!
at least when someone else is doing it. I called and after being on hold for 40 minutes, got things squared away with my ISP.
phew! it was annoying enough to do, but now that it's over with, I am relieved.
hey, dieselsweeties is doing a bit character thing, and I made the finals to become one of them. so vote for me!
uh. in other news, I have really horrendous poison ivy. I could speculate on how I acquired it (spoutwood), but instead I'll just say that I had to get a shot of steroids yesterday and am now on steroid meds for it for the next week. This happens about every other year for me. or so. I get really awful poison ivy, get on steroids, get rid of it, have a year or two of poisonless bliss, then start again. I swear though, bits of this are the worst it's ever been.
though maybe my memory's going.
apparently local elections are coming up, as I've been seeing annoying signs about so-and-so running for tax collector and whatnot. I don't mind much, except when they throw in the damned annoying little pictures. the O in VOTE is a smiley face, and Barbara Bair has a little teddy bear on allll of her adverts. It makes me understand homicidal tendencies ever so much clearer.
uh. yeah. I itch like a mutha.
I think I'll slather myself with cortizone and then attempt some sleep. gnight cruel world, which is actually quite lovely and nice to lounge about under trees reading.
11:30 p.m.
Monday, May 7, 2001
frustration is currently abounding.
my ISP is on the fritz again, so I am using the free one I only use when completely necessary. it mainly provides me with email, and 15 minute bursts of internet access. so here I am.
My weekend was good. Damn good, really. friday I came home after school, put purple around my spots, packed, got a costume together, washed out my hair (which turned my tuft in the front a snowy white), and headed off to Spoutwood Farms. There I saw Kurt and several others. I ran around a bit, set up my tent and all, then saw Eric (kurt's little brother) and his friends Serita and Tom.
That night there was a huge bonfire around which I danced excessively. There was also a ceremony for the huge medicine wheel, which was also beautiful. It was a good good night, despite one of kurt's friends attempt to seduce me. Tom stayed with me in my tent and we cuddled into sleep.
Saturday was a perfect festival day. Kurt woke me up early so I could set up a final stage which I didn't know had actually existed. Tom helped me out, then we checked in with the volunteer coordinator, Barb (fairy code name : Merryiad). I went to wand making, then entrance table, then information table. I had an hour or 2 total of break time. It was fun. I crashed out around 6, in my tent again with Tom, who also fell asleep. We woke around 8 and went to a Beltain celebration at someone else's farm (Ed's, to be exact, on whose farm rests the St. Patrick's Day Parade float). We returned to Spoutwood in the back of a truck (which we also had left Spoutwood in) and saw a rainbow haloing half the moon. I'd never seen anything like it before. It was amazing.
Slept in on Sunday, then went off to volunteer at the front table at noon. However, I was introduced as a "fairy celebrity" at the opening ceremony at 11 by Rob, the owner of Spoutwood. It was neat. I'm a celebrity, though my having to tell people that rather defeats the title.
I volunteered at information for most of the day. It was terribly hectic as certain stands kept closing and reopening, but not really telling us. So I had to keep running to the stands to confirm information that visitors gave us. wacky!
Some of my friends showed up at the festival, and that was fun. Chris, Carissa, Rachel, and Jared appeared. Bridget, Jared's little sister, got me a skull pendant and it made me very very happy. In Tom's words, I became like a second sun when she gave it to me. Neat.
Sunday evening I took down my tent and drove Jared, Bridget, and Ed to the high school where people had to park to be bused to the festival. I then drove back to spoutwood to say goodbye to Tom, Eric, and Serita. I hung out with Kurt and his friend Mark until a bit after midnight, which is in itself a story.
Today I went to my old high school, YCDS, to meet with Alex for some lunch. We walked to a natural foods cafe and I grabbed myself a tofu wrap. Then we walked back to his school and I hung out at monority lit class, grabbed my art from the art room (where it was sitting from being taken down after my art show), and shot the shit with some of the current seniors.
After wards I went to the park and wrote a bit, then to Border's to read the final installation of Preacher. A poetry reading started going on, and I didn't stick around for it. they make me feel funny.
So that is my long disertation of the weekend. Now I must return to reality, and it pains me.
Oh, movies with heroes, my favourite local band, is currently on tour. check out their tour diary, and the show dates. They put on one of the best live shows ever.
11:13 p.m.
Thursday, May 3, 2001
boys are so fucking weird.
yeah. two of them were vying for my attention yesterday . scott and chris. it was silly.
hey, I bleached my hair. and that's not all!
ugh. tired. chris stayed over (we merely slept) and I had a hard time sleeping with him there. tonight, I take to bed alone. good thing, too.
so. "feel the broken pieces of relationships inside of me. like a smashed patella floating in a swollen knee." oo, I rhymed.
uh. went to jazz band recital tonight to see alex play. made the people in my row hold up their programs, on which a letter each was written on the back, so that it read "A L E X !" with the dot for the exclamation point being a skull and crossbones. He threatened to kill us all, but that's just because last time I pulled such antics, it distracted the band and conductor. it was worth it.
I wish I could be more focused. but, as I said, I am tired. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow before I head off to spoutwood farms - figure out my costume, find the tent, get water, and make food so i have something to eat. stuff. so much fucking stuff. I want to just lay down and do nothing. like I used to do daily, eh?
ugh. yeah. ugh ugh. should sleep. so many things. there was a lot I thought I had to say, but it's just left me. such is my brain I suppose-
forgive me that.
10:45 p.m.
Tuesday, May 1, 2001
killing old entries with archival skillz!
yeah. there they are. Have fun with them.
Today I did stuff. Like school (which I was a half hour late for, as I fell back to sleep after waking up), and reading in the park for a couple hours, then home. And listening to Atom and his Package's new album, Redefining Music. It's SO GOOD. SO GOOD.
Oh, and Todd is nice to talk to. Even if he does live in California. ha.
09:08 p.m.
