My conception of making films - It's like building a shanty town. Some people are afraid of this technique.

First, I overload and smother people in ideas. I work like a nuclear reactor. Then if they are not scared, I systematically begin to throw out odds and ends. At this stage best they do the same. Then finally, after the carpet beating and bulldozing, I or someone else will creep under the stairs and produce a bright jewel. Why go through such trouble? cause that's the way I work...doh!

Of all tasks in production, I really like the director or producer role best. The dream sequence was really fun to shoot with my group. I hope they didn't mind me too much.

oh i think i never explained the links on the left- I think some ppl like to be left alone on their blogs- if u are the type who likes their blog address in big neon sign blinking, just tell me- i can change it.

TAMADE, no lah, I don't love fsv- but I appreciate that people here have more heart, more passion and less masks on their faces. Even from the lecturers. I respect and admire everyone here in some sort of vague way- in spite of any differences we all have. I don't think the working world is like this. No, this is not PR lah- bloody hell, I like that one meh.

i got a sore throat. but even worse, is this feeling i'm gonna crash quite badly if i don't take a day off. I have been sleeping minimum hours everyday and i just can't take more. I regret working when school started cause I didn't have time to get my act together. I'm hopefully quitting this week, but I'm disappointed with myself that I couldn't handle it.

I hope everyone has a better year this time! Better grades, better bodies, better love lives, better films etc..! Everybody needs a little magic.! This is a couple of us in town, cineleisure and some hotel on new year eve.. val saj lavi cherie julius wayne hizuan and friends.. how did you spend yours?
No fair! Grin like a freak.. hahah:)

Julius trying his darn best to look like an angel... FAIL!

I like this because saj and val look like they are having fun..

the bearded lady and friends.

koala bear hug:

holy guru julius ponders the meaning of life- is it 42?

get me any man! sluurpp.. wayne's hand makes an appearance.

Not drunk enough not drunk YET! wooohoo.... actually was high already

nat king cole: dream a little dream of me... sweet dreams..

Oh God, I just cringe reading my scriptwriting stories aloud. Someone just do me a favour, kill me the next time.

Why are humans so imperfect? Are children closer to perfection, godliness?

I love post-christmas sales. Thinking of getting some stuff, a bit of shopping therapy. Maybe the passionfruit perfume in bodyshop (not a big fan of perfumes though- sinus), nice lingerie, a dressy top, some shirt-blouses (I have too many T-shirts), and maybe a denim skirt. Just that my feet is too white now..haha.. Maybe a Nat King Cole CD and the Pink Martini CD... yeah..:) And a pair of ladylike shoes... oh and a nice tote or sports bag. Damm, looks like a lot of money will go down the drain this month. Maybe if I dare, dangly earrings...

there are too many reasons why this shopping trip is long overdue.

Picture this, I'm travelling up the escalators at the esplanade today and the most beautiful music floats down. I cannot see any instrument, but I am led along by the haunting sound. The scottish bagpipe, a goose-shaped kilt bag with many reed like flutes sticking out of it- a bulky instrument- yet to me it produces one of the most ethereal music I have ever heard.

I am eating warm chestnuts now. You know what goes well with chestnuts? Hot coffee and cigarette smoke (just the smell)- and maybe chocolate.

Today I walked by the nursery along Celementi road hoping to have a reason to go in, like buying a pot of flowers. The presence of evening, slick with rain and a long walk around nature did nothing to lift my spirits. I listened and smiled to old Frank, but I walked out of HMV with a face a mile long. I smile with pleasure when I see friends, but I can't help the rest. I have found myself increasingly immune to life and despising myself. Wishing I was a happy vulgarian. I rebuke myself for trying so hard to like life- smiling and laughing, although I am happy in the moment, but what happens after ... it's just so hard.. The slump is the hardest.

Craig asked if my parents were going to my prize ceremony- I told him no, I asked them not to- i convinced them it was a waste of time. He asked me why not? Let your parents bask in your glory. Craig is sweet, but I don't go for academic glory. I sound more and more like a idiot who needs to be slapped. Ok, I need to join a laugh club. Anyone setting one up? Or a alcohol club.

There are some blogs that touch me, like a dry cold light in the blackest of nights that shiver like a wet ice cube down the neck- blogs, that are like some books, that make you feel like you are a furry little grey speck hoping up and down in the universe-
When I was a child, I saw Ernie water his flowers and the little alien family in his flower pot jumping and quarreling under the flowers that towered like trees. And it makes me happy to think I am just carbon, hydrogen, oxygen atoms... just like all life out there.

I doubt many people are just interested in drinking. Let's make this like a dating ad..hahah
Ok, here goes: 3 recovering teetotalers want to go on drinking binge on new year eve. We are seeking
1)Alcholics, recovering teetotalers
2)People who want to drink, drink, drink
3)People who want to club
4)People who want to pub
5)People who just want to watch fireworks at Marina *innocently
6)People who have no plans yet for New Year
7)People who just want to hang out for fun
8)People who just want to stone outside their house-
Just inform: meitong, lavinia or me, darling...!;)

I can't take 'Ichi the Killer'. Maybe I'm growing old. Maybe one day you see me senile witless drooling in a wheelchair watching disney cartoons. But I'll be smiling. Maybe.

Many of my friends who started blogs are now killing their blogs off in an social trend called 'blog-deaths'. Of course there isn't a name for that, I just invented it.

For me, I'm convinced the people who maintain blogs either do so because it is a community need (they belong to a community) or they are losers who people can't understand. Opps..! I said it...haha.

'Blog-deaths' are triggered by a few reasons:
1)Lack of commmunity (solitare the only game in town)
2)Condemnation of blog materials (you write nasty stuff about others and get shit in return)
3)Overactive social life (i.e. many bloggers are losers with too much time)

I should do this as a PQS (Productivity Quality Standard) exercise- heheh.. Take this with a little wink and a shot of russian. ;)

I met a strange person by chance last month. He was convinced I was his soul mate, for reasons that escape me- me didn't seem like instant soulmate material? haha.

Still, we chatted a myraid of things. But it started to scare me when he insisted that I was (this) because I was this freaking horoscope. My girlfriends would have screamed 'freak!' and ran like their skirt was on fire.

Never liked people telling me what I am or supposed to be, feeding me insecurities they have about themselves, so they can feel better second-guessing me. But I still talked, maybe I wanted to try to see if he was a liar- because it intrigued me- was he lying about all the languages he learnt? and about mastering music without having gone for lessons? But also because I am an optimist and hoped to find a good friend with common interests.

But now, perhaps he was insecure, wanted a dependent and listener, and maybe didn't like that I would have other interests even if I met him. And I think he was maybe scared of that... because he tried to lie a bit- saying he liked photography when he only had a compact camera. I almost laughed aloud at that. Or jazz when he only listened to some local act. I would have respected it if he admitted he didn't know enough to make a point.

But people are like this, they don't want to admit to any weakness. But sometimes honesty about oneself can be sweet... coming from a guy. It shows you are brave enough to like yourself, warts and all.

In an act of anger, shaking his fist to God, the chronic melancholic/sniggerer demands a request in exchange which he would go back to his church. In the end, God still got his way in some way even though the demands never comes true. Sniggering like an afflicted horse shaking after a jog, the agnostic said, "All wayward Christians are like ex-Catholics- full of bile."

God is here, but he never lends a hand, no-no.

Sometimes I see parents shouting at their children in public and hitting them. That is really awful behaviour- as if kids cannot be taught properly. I saw this today which I found meaningful:

If you criticise your child you teach him to condemn,
If you beat your child you teach him to fight,
If you scold your child you teach him to talk back
If you blame your child you teach him to tell lies
If you encourage your child you give him confidence
If you listen to your child you teach him to empathise
If you are kind to your child you teach him to love others
If you give your child security you teach him to have faith
I have less faith in the world as I live longer. Merry Christmas, joy and peace come to you. But I will not wish you hope, for hope is a bright and useless bauble. Hope for hope is even worse...

today on a bus, i saw a woman digging her fingers up her nose. She stopped when she saw me looking. Then she stuck her finger up her nose, happily exploring.

why did I share this with you? Because it warms the cockles of my heart.

Have a wonderful day, dear readers!

the point to our society is its always running ahead, like Ethan Hawke running sans contacts across a road as cars try to knock his skinny legs over like pins in Gattaca. No point in reliving or remembering the past. We I never change or learn anyway. Writing a letter to the past is a exercise in futility itself. Psychiarists will coming in this point and interrupting the programming-

Unless something maims or kills us me nothing carthartic will ever take place. Someone will come in at this point and beat me over the head with a baguette for breaking the rules of rational writing. I think I rarely care anymore. Make it whole grain though.

I had a sumptious 12 hours of sleep. I'm looking forward to an all-nighter- fiddling around with some treatments for potential scripts, watching 'last life in the universe' and having a hot water shower- which I wrote as one of the best discoveries in my scriptwriting assignment. But civilisation is not just eggs and hot water baths.

I wonder how many people are dependable these days not to use you for a moment of fun or comfort. I admire steadiness most in friendships. Especially if one day I were to become a filthy eared drunkard or a raving mad bitch or even worse, a bloated fat tonne truck...haha. Who would still try to be there? I guess not many. Who are the people now only using me in some way?

But now, I'm just content knowing in some eyes, I see a spark of understanding- a fleeting thing that comes and goes. It may be just the light catching the eye- though.

The world is divided into two types of people, those who go after what they want and those who don't. The passionate ones, the ones the ones who go after what may not get what they want, but they remain vital in touch with themselves. And when they lie on their deathbeds, they have few regrets. The ones who don't try to get what they want, well, who gives a shit about them?

-Maxine, Being John Malkovich

hilarious script... funny, witty, though a bit of a let down in the end with all the theatrical puppets and explosions stuff. Bit too loud for me, even for a fantasy story. Donnie Darko, on the other hand, worked as a story for me- even with the bunny thing. I loved the crazy connections- which all rounded out and made sense in the end. The best thing about great scripts they always make you wonder long after the credits roll. The funny thing is I haven't seen both movies.