QUIT DAY: 14 Oct.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I'm starting to hate my job a lot. Maybe it's the monotony. Or the fact I hardly get to meet more people. Or that I do not have internet at home to entertain me. (irrelevant). Or i'm surrounded by people who want to quit from my day 1 and yet are still staying on. Or that I'm a whinger, and so are my colleagues. Or that I simply want to get away from it all. Or that i increasingly am unable to stand my superior's bossiness (which i took in good stride until recently- who knows why). Or that cause I been wanting to quit since July but postponing for a single reason. Or that i hate my job cause its not my passion. That took me about 10 mths to realise. But then I realised also what I loved in this job. Sunlight.
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Little Incident
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Just happened to have a conversation with a acquaintance in a taxi today. Usually I had very little to say to him, and being terribly hard at starting conversations (and sustaining them), I mulled over the passing scenery at every turn. (i'm quite a bore, really). Suddenly he piped up, (most politely, i remember). "what is it like moving out?". Quite taken aback, I went to say that it can be a little lonely blah blah blah, then thinking he was not looking for an opinion but rather a positive glowing review..hahah.. i gave him my honest take- that I found my relationships with my family improved without the daily tension. That seemed to please him, but before we could talk further, his cell rang.
Seemed like he was posed to move out in 2 mths time, just about when I was thinking of moving back in 2 mths time. Wondering what his reasons are, would be interesting to know, but he seems like a very very private person- and I'm not a person who needs always to rush to know the truth.
Anyway, it seems always strange how always when we are about to launch into a proper conversation, we get interrupted by nosy superiors, cells or etc etc. Anyway, 2 introverts do not make a good conversation haha. But its nice to meet a introvert sometimes, can't stand it when people yuck non-stop about themselves all the time. It's like i'm their laptop camera audience or something. Talk about the Youtube generation.
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Moving out of parents' home(4)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
A few days ago, i made a decision to move back to my parents' home. One reason was I could no longer afford to do so. However, the other reason was that i feel I could try to work things out with my family again. I have discussed with my sis how I would really like to make our shared room into a place where we could do our work uninterrupted, and also away from the living room where my father works so I would not have much friction with him; because it the words of my sister: 'your bazhi (8 characters) clash'. Kinda of true.. :P Not sure how it would be like, since my fear is that it would regress back to the past, and i am loath to give up my lovely rented room and all it was for me- a kind of sanctuary. I am also afraid I will regress. But I do want to stay more with my dearest grandma, whom I really love and want to spend more time with. And somehow, I do miss my sis. :)
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Moving out of parents' home (3)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Bloody Emo Alert: don't read this if whining annoys you. :P
Living outside for the past 18 mths has been a very interesting experiment, and something I needed to do for myself (because I felt I was dying inside) and also something I wish to treasure and hold in my heart and soul as a great source of strength in the future.
To know that you are able to take care of yourself financially, emotionally, physically, gives you a whole new perspective on your own strength. There is a reason why people make the difficult decisions each day, to run the extra mile, to pack up and move into another country, to make a goal to trek up Everest. Trying ourselves can be the best way to test what you are made of- and it also builds up your confidence of what change you can wrought for yourself.
To anybody wishes to go down the same path as me (moving out) because of problems, I wish you well. You could be doing it because of different reasons: because you need to get away from a abusive relationship; you need a fresh perspective; you want to be independent; or because like me, you did not want to let your soul die- whatever it is, the important thing is, you have to listen to yourself and remember to do all things with love. Your life does not change drastically- contrary to what you may think, because personality changes take forever- you always have to work at it. I still find I am very repressed and emotionally distant with many people. I know it's because i do not want to be hurt and I know I need to open up, but it's hard. If you can find someone to give a listening ear, even better. If you think that can be that person, you know where to find me. Thank you for reading this.. :)
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Moving out of Parents' Home(2)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Bloody Emo Alert: don't read this if whining annoys you. :PBasically when you move out of your parents' home, there's gonna be a few things that change in your life, some expected, some really unexpected.
Expected:
1)Your relationship with your parents get better as the daily friction of living together is removed -
Sometimes, some people find it hard to have a harmonious relationship, because they often do not want to understand the other party. It was true of me and my father; since I stopped respecting him- and you know, respect is the key to any good relationship. And my father never tried to understand me because his health problems made him insensitive to everyone's problems but his own.
2) You feel in control of your life for once-
being able to make all sorts of changes to your life can be very liberating. Simple things like choosing your furnishings in your room, your meals, your curfew time can make you very happy in the beginning.
3) Serenity-
My house was always noisy, the tv, radio, computer blaring at the same time. I was over-stimulated and frequently choose to stay out late to escape the chaos. My sibling and I never liked to come home early. my favourite time at home was 3am in the morning, when everyone was asleep and I had the whole house and the quiet street to myself. The quiet in my rented room was a welcome respite.
4)Lack of money-
This was the hardest thing of me i the beginning, and still is. Basically, you pay out a lump sum every month for rent and you end up not being able to afford that new pair of shoes or pretty blouse. It can be somewhat demoralising to have to wear the clothes all the time, and not to have something new to wear to perk up your day. Also, your parents do become resentful that you are spending money on rent instead of giving it to them.
5)Friends:
friends express to you their wish to stay on their own; in a way, it was because I was the first in their age group to move out on my own. Most friends are supportive- though not really sure how they thought about it really. :)
Unexpected:
1)The peace-
never really expected it, since i grew up in a household that was fighting all the time, that each day, whenever my father walked past (he worked at home) , I became so jittery because I expected him to scold me or insult me. That was true almost every other day. So the first month I moved into my rented room, the quietness was so surprising I felt strange..! But it was also wonderful.
2)The loneliness-
Living by oneself can be very lonely
It is. very lonely. You watch tv, read books, eat alone. It's hard to get very used to it. I started to get very quiet 3 mths into living by myself, since I had very little conversation excepting some with my landlady. I read more, I started to observe myself more. And because I did not have internet in my room, I guess I started to lose track of changes in fashion, society... was not such a bad thing actually since i started to read more.
3) Health
Sometimes, your health suffers. Cause you are no longer eating good home-cooked food. After a few months of eating hawker food, my health started to suffer and my hair started dropping. One thing good though, I started to become more health conscious.
4) I started to like doing housework-
I started to like coming home, and chores like sweeping the floor or washing the clothes became enjoyable. Your time was your own, and there was a simple pleasure at folding your clothes: partially because you knew you could leave them in a pile since nobody was forcing to fold it, but you did it anyway because the act of doing something lost its emotional resonance and became simply doing. Sounds abstract, but think of how people rake the pebbles in zen gardens. Don't know how to explain how doing chores is like zen, haha, but yeah all I can say is that each gesture, each movement simply became important.
5) My relatives' support-
When you move out of your parents' home, you expect relatives to discourage you. In fact, your immediate family is often incredulous. Both my parents were upset; my father was insulting, my mother could not understand why I was spending such money. But support comes from unexpected quarters. Even though relatives DO think that you are simply being rebellious or a bad kid, yet another side of them thinks that you could really do with a fresh perspective. In a way, they do emotionally support you although they do think you're spending quite a bit on an experiment! :) My grandmother was most supportive, and even said she would have liked to get a flat with me..! of course she did think I was being rebellious too.. haha.
6)Personality changes:
I don't know if it was a change was it was because I had been so long under my father's domineering character that I was simply reactive most of the time. When he was angry, I was afraid and bitter. When he was in a good mood, I was cynical and thought it would not last. I complained all the time to my friends about my parents (being a absolute bore). I had a simmering awful temper which I used on my closest and occasionally used on the next poor dude. Yet living by myself, I was no longer relying on the mood of my father for how I was supposed to react. I felt like I was at a loss. I did not have normal reactions like people usually did for events- i did not feel happy at a happy event, neither did I feel angry when people took advantage of me. It was liked I blocked off all these feelings for such a long time, I didn't know what to do anymore. To this day, I still speak of myself like a third party. It's true, that the emotional repair is really the hardest.
7) My relationship with my sibling improved:
It is often strange, sometimes I think of how the past had become another life. Sometimes you really forget how painful it was. My sister, whom I did not have a close relationship for a long time, became the one who was the most supportive and the 'spy' on the 'family'. She gave me a perspective of how it was like in the past- once she told me that the house had become so much peaceful since I moved out, how everyone was etc.
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Moving Out of Parents' Home (1)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Bloody Emo Alert: don't read this if whining annoys you. :PI haven't been blogging for a long long time, so i guess i need to try writing again- here's an experience that there's not much info about - moving out.
when i first considered moving out of my parents' home, i was at the ripe old age of 14, and having an acrimonious relationship with my father. I guess at that time it was a combination of hormonal mood swings and the urge for control over my life, that compelled me to regard that as a possible solution for me. And of course, a certain selfishness or self pride. Over the years, our relationship soured as I got more rebellious and my father became more tempermental due to health problems. There was never a day when he did not try to find a problem with me, whether the tone in my voice was wrong or the show i was watching was too loud or that 'i did not respect him'. Being labelled all sort of names was the most painful thing i had to endure since I was a very sensitive kid, and I gradually built up a wall to block out these hurtful words... and over time, my consciousness of my father. I started to ignore him, stopped talking to him when in the past I used to have long discussions with him. I could not understand why the person I used to respect for his knowledge had turned into this emotional blackmailer. I started to get angry with my mother and sister easily too; turning on them like the way my father used to turn on me. I was becoming a verbal abuser like him. At the age of 21, i was ashamed of myself- I had turned into a monster. I knew it was the time to get out, before i got worse. So I wrote a promise to myself with a timeline to fulfill: when I started working I had to move out.
This i kept to myself secretly in my heart for 3 years as I went on to study at a poly... nobody ever guessed....
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phonetic poooom
Friday, July 20, 2007
outrageous digger. digger grave keep dig
drubbing the tub tub drub the tub
asking milestones of poor little men
is not right
their cigarettes are salvaged from bins.
clip clop clumpy crass
wishing invisibility of skinny old ladys
is not right
their wardrobe is someone's trash bag.
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I am a child of God
Monday, July 16, 2007
The visitation by the Holy Spirit is one of the most powerful encounters one can experience as a human being. To be, I had to empty myself of myself, forget all distractions and worship fully in the knowledge of the spirit. It is uncontrollable, a tingling warm that spreads from your fingers. Your heart is opened in love and you weep openly. Some people do not feel it, but it is fine. After that, wisdom comes in the next few days- in reading the bible, you gain insights that you usually do not if you were plainly reading it yourself. Your heart leaps in joy each day, and you want to sing and praise God.
Amazing.
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Love is like a foreign language
Friday, May 18, 2007
I used to find it easy to give my heart away. I used to find it easy to put my whole passion into something. Looking back, I lost track how i progressed from being so sensitive- my whole being burned with tears listening to guitars, hymns and poetry- to someone like me today.
I'm a little too self-absorbed and insensitive these days, finding it so hard to give a damn about most ppl. Pretty cynical these days too. I see the worst in people more these days and have to try hard to find the good. I haven't loved anything or anybody (wif the exception of my grandma) seriously for years. Well, love in the sense of total acceptance and wanting to always be sensitive to their needs.
Love is like a foreign language now- it's slow learning, learning to bloom into a beautiful, wise woman whom people can love... ;)
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Insightful
Friday, May 18, 2007
"True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Today we have a warm relationship. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you."
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what a beautiful poem!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
under this fragile glory of blossoms
spring is rapt with beauty; and
the heart loosened by gladness
shoots sunwards into a luminosity of
bloodwarm cherries bursting
the sweet dark of fall.
– by Lee Tzu Pheng
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Some trends for the record
Monday, March 26, 2007
I think I'm pretty good at spotting trends although I tend not to take notice until it turns into a major trend. So here's some trends for the record:
1)Online Deejaying is going to be very popular, driven by my myspace and access to free softwares and ppl's interest in making their music interesting. (not a big trend- but has been around for 4 years or more already)
2)Print paper craft is going to be quite popular as a craft, driven by art students seeking to expand knowledge of crafts as well as sites like http://www.instructables.com
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Do you believe dreams say anything?
Thursday, March 8, 2007
What if you slept?
And what if,
in your sleep
you dreamed?
And what if,
in your dream,
you went to heaven
and there plucked
a strange and
beautiful flower?
And what if,
when you awoke,
you had the flower
in your hand?
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007
http://thebigthinkg.sulekha.com/blog/post/2006/08/love-and-infatuation.htm
hilarious blog
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Poetry Muse is back!
Monday, February 26, 2007
The only thing I am still doing these days is writing poetry. creativity is slowly slowly coming back with the reappearance of my muse. (yeah, why can't I have a muse..? All writers need one. It should be a person.)
I need to study poetry properly though. Don't really know the forms and rules enough (so I can break them)
Hoping to start doing montage colleges again.
That's all for update.
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Tuesday, November 7, 2006
I really cannot explain why i keep feeling this way. I know its definitely not really just how I am living- maybe i inherited some psychosis or i really need some vitamins. keep feeling i am a maniac depressive except unlike those ppl where u really can tell; my mind rages inside me. This is sick.
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Monday, October 30, 2006
I fed a kitten my fish burger and what did I get? The kitten batted at my hand and gave me scratches until it bled.
That's life for you. Ha ha ha.
I feel extremely lonely and vulnerable now in my life. My family ain't giving a damn about me, god ain't giving a damn, my friends ain't giving a damn and even street cats hate me. haha. And I saw this guy I was liking for a while with a girl. i wonder when all this shit is self-created or when its going to end. I shall read my horoscope...
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mean average damn
Monday, October 30, 2006
The creation of beauty is at once a piteous struggle against creation; making order out of the infinite looping strings of mess. Mr Messy, Cookie Monster, childhood heros that made it seem alright to be slovenly. Childhood heros that if persist through adulthood would be unalright. Unalright; since the major component of maturity is rationality and reasoning. Not to say there isn't always people who try: pollack with his spatters of birdshit colors and vonnegut with his loopy heros, comedians, base jumpers. Lunacy is uncontrollable in children and reasoned in adults: temporary insanity in case files. People believe in the fact that humans are really rational. We plead teenagers out of jail: loss of reason, promise they will not make the same mistake when it would be better for everybody if lunancy was an accepted part of the human psyche. Look at everything we do. Nothing seems to make the world either better or worse. People die, suffer all the same. But that's a difficult tack to take. In reasoning, i fall in the danger of making lunacy established? Why am I thinking this? Why am I thinking this. I sound like i'm on drugs.
A friend tells me that she cannot live without the comfort of another body. I can live, but feel absolutely wretched without the comfort of another mind, another mind who thinks of me, another person who I can share the deep dark vortex of living and sunshine of beauty and light with. Someone who can see the beauty of light shining through colored glass bottles and when it smashes to the floor. In literature, beauty and the sublime. I am in danger of revealing too much of myself for judging.
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Monday, September 18, 2006
In a vale of tears I live,
no longer do I wonder .
fuck me n my self-pity. fuck me and my terrible fear of failure. fuck me always not doing what I feel.
i'm going to act out my wants n its not going to be nice to see. im jus a vent tt needs to vent.
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Firstfruits poetry reading
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Went to poetry reading by FirstFruits at SAM today. Dr K K Seet delivered an entertaining, albeit substance-less introduction on the poets. Without naming names, some of the poetry did not bear well to being spoken out aloud, having turns of phrases that were too idiomatic or metaphorically challenging. On the other hand, Cyril Wong & Boey Kim Cheng's poetry were each beautifully auralistic delights to the ear, the former with his carefully crafted lines pertaining to one choice theme, and the latter with his emotionally restrained lines bearing the heavy fruit of wrought emotions and tantalising expression of the eternal, of the spirit.
I bought Boey Kim Cheng's After the Fire as his poetry seemed to appeal to me most. Dr KK Seet described him as the true student of Dr Lee Tzu Pheng. Although I am new to Singaporean literature, I have heard of her. There was quite a friendly gathering after that and although I did see someone I know, I did not stay for long- thinking perhaps having bought the book- that was probably going to be the high point of the evening.
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
funny pratas I saw at bugis coffeeshop...
tower prata
pancake prata
prata castle
jus saw homesick on sun- excellent play, strong in characterisation n dialogue, gd ensemble cast, little weak for china lady, original use of sars idea- but little sparse in e set design area- not paralleling plays' humanist n familial concerns much.. mature work from alfian saat.. hope there is more to come.
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charities
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
there are a few charities i'm thinking of contributing to when I start getting comfortable in my career-
1)ngee ann kongsi for all e help I received
2)tan joo kee awards
3)khong guan biscuit
yeah, if it wasn't for khong guan assorted biscuits my crew couldnt have survived my fyp film n countless hungry moments. cheers to khong guan. best biscuit company in e world.
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Tuesday, August 1, 2006
William Butler Yeats(1865-1939)
When You Are Old
WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face among a crowd of stars.
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thank you for smoking
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
thank you for smoking- nice moral authority father-son theme going on there. Katie Homles sex scene was so bloody awfully cut- it looked like e censor let their 3 year cut it with a plastic scissors.
Then again, mayb Mr MiII paid off e filmakers to exorcise e sex scene. Hey... wait a moment tt's eureka! how syriana whatshername cruise was conceived! ok, I'm getting my dates mixed up.
watch if u like a little laugh- its not so brainy as it sounds- decent entertainment.
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death of bathroom fleas
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
a few things been making me think about death. killing fruit fleas, for one. and seeing roadkill.
l explain about e fleas. they were infesting, growing by e millions in e bathrm, flying into my mouth everytime I tried to take a bath. For the life of me I couldn't see where they came from.I thot that they were attracted to my critus fruit bath- then 1 decided to find their breeding spot.Turned out to be a brush. millions of them attacked me as I turned it over. I went berserk. Boiled 6 jugs of hot water & poured it into every corner of the bathroom. I didn't feel sorry for the creatures as i smudged out their lives with baygone. yet I was reminded what a tiny minor life was a fruit flea.
The other thing that made me think about death-I saw this cat lying stretched out on coconut leaf. i thought it was sleeping until I saw its bludging eyeball from the side, an egg white ping pong ball. I felt horrible for the poor soul of the cat... quite gutted actually.
Don't understand why people can treat death of others as a memento mori- something to remind them of their short life on earth. Rather, my lack of imagination restricts me to seeing death in others as physical dead decay-
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The burden of life: who are you, really
Monday, July 24, 2006
i know i speak my thoughts here aloud all the time- sometimes it seems I view my life under a looking glass all the time: very egoistic blog huh.
but i'm so comfortable expressing myself in writing it seems more natural than speaking, sometimes.. also it's like talking to myself & recording it. (shit, so Felicity) blah, blah, blah.
identifying my vocation (not job)
what i'm not good at: planning, sales, marketing, extroverted jobs, sports, medicine, science, teaching
what I'm capable in: admin
what i have been trained in: photography, editing, producing, directing, writing
what i have innate(maybe untrained) talents in:photography, drawing, directing, arts & crafts
what I have interest in:photography, writing, arts & crafts, music, dealing with artists, lighting, films, astrology & pseudo sciences, directing.
Hmm. Go for a Photography degree? Or Arts Admin(don't need a tooting degree for tt)
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borrowing camera?
Monday, July 24, 2006
I'll like to borrow someone's camera for a month. Thinking of shooting some black & white photos. Could anyone lend me their manual SLR por favor..?
Saw this photo at a recent Henri Cartier Bresson exhibition. I was mesmerised by it that I stood, staring at it for some time. His early 1933 works particularly stand out for its humanity and portraitures. Maybe that's why I feel like working with cameras again... I felt consoled by his photos- that the human soul can be seen.
"Seville, Spain, 1933"
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dreaming of white bookshelves & quiet baths
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Just another pretty face. When they knock don't answer. Vacant Smiles. Something for you to rub on. Keep moving. Ugly Inside. Idling Pains. Earthen Feet. The boy they forgot to call. Conservative Appeal.
Things I wanted, at one time or another. (nope not an ipod)
a japanese red leather wallet dotted with black lacquer
a hairstyle that would be perfect without styling
hot dancing heels
a doll house with miniatures (i love miniatures. One day when I'm idling and bored, I shall make little sofas and picture frames- never liked dolls much though)
a kitten, a cat & a retriever (the dog!)
wake up with someone who likes mornings
yell fuck when i feel like it (i never do)
dance lessons
drawing lessons with charcoal and pencil
a tiffany lamp studded with colored glass
a free ezvideo membership for a year
lots of vintage rings and jewellery
a house full of bookshelves and books
Wouldn't you dream with me?
Listening: Sondre Lerche: 2 way monologue
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they both rub the wrong way
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Whenever I get back home for the weekend, I feel like a monk who has traversed the himalayas, subsisting on dew and mountain air; and when he returns from his hermitage to the valley, he is faced with a spread of gluttony like that scene in King Arthur's court in Monty Python & the holy grail. Feasts of cockereal with dog head, forearm thick sausages and mealy mouthed savages sloshing beer and blood puddings. Every 2 hours, my mother feeds me, regardless of the fact I just had a wisdom tooth surgery- curried fish, soya bean curd, potato porridge, steamed eggs and a string of vile unmentionable herbal drinks, fruit shakes.
Example of (exaggerated)Conversation with my mum
Mum: Do you want curry?
Me: Er.. not very hungry
Mum: You want curry! (whacks down sloshing spicy curry in a bowl)
Mum: More fruits?
Me: I don't really...
Mum: (heaves and grinds a vomit-colored shake of grapefruit, potatos, carrots and honey in the blender, pours it and thrusts the contents under my nose) fruit good, help you heal faster!
How could one say no?..:P
Damn it, I feel loved. Food is the bloody expression of love in the house of gluttony. My mum says, "I got some (food name)" as way of conversation. She never asks if I want it. My mere presence encourages her, goals her to recifying my perceived nutritional inbalance (which i don't have). She brings it, no, offers me the food I do not get up to take/or want- the computer desk the site of my altar.
My mum and dad do not understand why I have moved out. How can they, them who live in a house full of plastic bags, dried & plastic flowers, stored containers, old books, newspapers, a stuffed fridge filled to the rafters with pork, beef, chicken, fish, seafood and all sorts of inconceivable sauces? My dad grumbles, 'you have such a nice house, mummy feeds you so well, don't understand why you want to move out'. Every year they throw out things but the house looks just as full.
This house enlivens me, with its chattering tv, loud radio, buzzing computer, noisy roads, ringing mobiles, infinite flow of grumblings & small annoyances...
But to someone who wants peace in her life at the moment... it is anathema.
On the other hand, I feel almost dried out with the lack of newspapers, magazines, tv shows living by myself. My Gemini Moon wants me to attend festivals, watch a dozen movies a day, download music, and work myself into a frenzy typing trash like now. But my Pisces is content, floating to sleep in the haze of rose candles and quaint Chekov stories.
Sometimes I wonder if I need a DVD player or a meditation course more.
btw, irrelevant thought: POREPACKS seem to pull out more hairs than blackheads don't you think? And after pulling out those tiny surface hairs, wouldn't you be encouraging the growth of more blackhairs as they take over more territory? Is that how Biore keeps us feeble minded consumers coming back for more? Thought of posting a pict of the tiny hairs on my pore pack- but probably it's too gross... heheh
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a fine house needs 2 cats
Monday, July 17, 2006
I like e song 'our house, is a very very fine house, with 2 cats in e yard, life used to be so fine, now everything easy because of you..'. just my ideal of a fine house in a sentence. haven't got 2 kuchings yet, but there's one Very fine ginger/white fat furry neighbour living on e first floor.
my neighbourhood seems really nice, seen ppl having dinner on e swings in e backyard. don't see tt often. according to some forum, my area in tiong bahru was built w e concept tt mothers could call down to e kids playing downstairs. tiong Bahru also means 'new cemetery'. i've a gd mind to spend more weekends here rather than staying over at my parents. it'll b nice to cook often.
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baybeats 06= old me
Monday, July 17, 2006
here I am- tucked into my pink hearts-prints quilt n caramine bedspread while a rose scented candle burns next to me, marking time. I'm fucking comfortable in this pink outfit. well, mayb a christmas tree in e corner will b trippin'. tinsle n lights makes my closet raver go all gogglyeyed.
everyone remembers their first. e first time you met his eyes, the first time u heard a u2 song, the first time u heard a whole radiohead album, the first kiss, the first time u saw ur slides thru light n saw how gooddamned beautiful colors were, again. The first lit lesson u had from tt teacher who gave u a poem on sickness, apples n lanes. the first time u heard local music, first time u attended baybeats in 2001 when u were just well, young. music has no first time- e same euphoria, e cascading trebles n soul-to-soul bass. its e only thing tt still makes me shiver. these days I feel like a kite w/o wind.
baybeats 2006- guys n gals milling around w guitars strapped to their backs like warriors on a break; e constant incense of vanilla cigarettes, e bad sound, e electrico badge I got when e lead singer threw it into e audience, e arena where I was w him last year, n e year b4 when I still felt young, n e previous year when I still snappee photos n now, like a bloody hybrid of 22 year old n 56 old person. I'm 24 btw. dead n alright.
dom thinks life is easier if u have a purpose. mayb tt's y life is hard for me- I suit e purpose to changes... u end up never fulfilling anything. I'm jus a bloody nerotic cheena girl anyway.
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the bad side?
Friday, July 14, 2006
one prob I face living on my own is always hunger. These days, I eat less, and I rarely have so much to eat I would decline food.
Another prob is washing clothes- my hands get so rough- n its a chore to wash when I jus want to relax when I get home.
I don't fancy my working hours either 10-7pm. I jus like to have e sun still hanging around when i'm clocking off... :(
and budgeting. really hate not being able to splurge stupidly on stuff like desserts n things to make me feel happy..
but i'm loving it.
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12/08/07
