i like his accent(scriptwriting)but i hate the idea of writing another letter to the past.
non-linear editing is fine I guess-
regional is ok too.
cant say much. last sem was very bad. hopefully our bad luck picks up.

I feel like one of those characters in Kurt Vonnegut's books, always cursing his maker. Death wish is a very strong psychological motivation for people to create works of art. When one was a child, one drew to provide a photographic story of the world- when one grew older- the determination to succeed indirectly comes from death or sex impetus. Going in the psychology of people's minds can be like unravelling a pig's innards- terribly gross and indecent, but also horribly fascinating in a repulsive way. When your vision is too clear- you become one of those cynics of life. Other people mask the sight by a hundred and one neuroses- by fighting to achieve, by always joking, by making themselves look scary, by putting down/up others, by behaving wierd- so if one looks at the cover it is just a deception, a draincover- at all that is stewing under. Have I said that when I'm talking about others I might as well be also talking about myself.

Maybe I should go with the flow, take things as it is- and life, the satanic mill will pound and punch me like a piece of dough. I will dance and be bashed, a cutboard woman making her perious way through life- in the end I will be mixed and dissolved in the yeast- for ever having ambition and no talent, no lineage, no family money, no looks, to think I could rise from it. AHHAHAHAHHAHA! (mad woman laughter)

I regret many things...love,life,untaken risks, but I have no courage to face my fears. Maybe I should create a alter ego- oh wait, I already have one... the one you see anxious to achieve, trying hard to be friendly, the one beating the melancholy out of me... for my own good.

thank you school, we loves you for letting us go back to school during the month of december so we cans have wondersfuls christmases. We are delightlighted not to waste time. Orhhh, ain't it sweet as honeypie, sugarbaby? I misses scschools!

I just got news that a former jc friend, Prem, has died from breathing difficulties overnight. He seemed to be really healthy. His funeral is tomorrow and I will probably go- but I knew him little.

Going
Philip Larkin
There is an evening coming in
Across the fields, one never seen before,
That lights no lamps.

Silken it seems at a distance, yet
When it is drawn up over the knees and breast
It brings no comfort.

Where has the tree gone, that locked
Earth to sky? What is under my hands,
That I cannot feel?

What loads my hand down?

Lee at work lent me a book today- 'Latent Images- Film in Singapore' by Jan Uhde and Yvonnne Ng Uhde. Great. I haven't been productive in ages. She and Andy (another producer) also recommended Takeshi Kitano and another Takeshi- (i dont know the surname). yeah. I love crazy jap stuff. I wish I was back in school watching movies instead of working.. sigh. Need time to be crazy, to be idle. Met a shoplady called Florence at Bugis street 2nd floor yesterday who used to work in broadcast. Now she's selling necklaces and henna painting. She's going to name her shop 'psychic fish'- seems interested in new age stuff- I seem to meet interesting people at times- but I always let it be. : I leave you with a poem from Alfian Saat which means something to me...

By Alfian
Ghazal of Compassion
for How Wee

I say a fingertip has power, a subtle power.
When my skin trembles like the surface of a pond.

Solitude is an illusion, I have never believed in it.
To choose to be alone is to choose abandonment.

To pull a piece of white silk covering a lamp.
If a jacket is a window then the heart is the sun.

When a line is drawn from object to object
There is still the task of drawing a connection.

To give is selfless, meaning: having no self.
The flower with no petals is always in bloom.

Yes Alfian, like they say, the key is compassion.
But only because it unlocks nothing- but compassion.

crazy... surfing google revealed my blog is worth Blogshares B$2,682.60. I didnt even know I was up for trading..! haha s'ling

ok i think the reason i'm so depressed is that I have got to meet some people. People who enjoy living, who are humorous and love action. I'm not going to have a lot of that logging tapes- so from now on, I'll go out and shake hands and meet people. The solution is that simple. I just have to stop wallowing in self pity. I should exercise- maybe my depression is just chemistry of the brain. Stop all the negative emotions. Have fun. Live life. Enjoy it. Yeah, I'm gonna make myself happy again. No cynicism allowed.

I miss everybody at school.

My nose is dripping. My face is melting like candle wax. Everything that I worked for, is working for seems to have no purpose. I am at the bottom of the feeding tank. I am spending my days logging tapes. From day one. Every single fucking day. counting 16 days of exhaustion, of triviality, of no purpose or end. Becoming the Sisyphus of the working world. I'm pushing the same rock at the bottom of a valley at the foot of the Mount Everest. My mind is exhausted, a blank, a empty revolver- nobody is pushing me, I am stepping off a cliff myself... I knew that when I tried for fbn it was going to be bad. But not that horrific, disgusting, revolting, vile- I am going to destroy all my tapes I shoot until one day when it's not necessary to use 'untitled' as a title. Maybe I'm too harsh on myself. I resent it. From now on I retire doing everything by myself. I will be the good cam person only. That is the only thing I have enjoyed out of this experience.

And I met someone who scares the hell out of me because he thinks he knows me...

I enjoyed all the entries on fly by nite- it's very interesting to see how people's minds work... and how it came out all different.

this is awesome. By Angie Seah.

Too bad it's so small. Finding photos like this taken by singaporeans is so decadent. delicious. more fruit punch.

eyes eyes will melt
in the rain
your eyes are like two little blurs of light
your voice so familiar
a twist of song

little girl run run
no reason for the man to run up stairs with you
the drunkard pissing in his bed
a fool's hand spurned
the animal son chaining his old mother
as she etches 12 dozen on his back

The snarling the howling
the demented
like polished vinyl spin and trap
the defunct souls of this world
little boy run run
your future dark disease

eyes eyes melt with light
like shallow stars in a puddle
you dropped to dust
to fulfill this destiny.
black end.
Why

i hate being restrained. i hate being restricted. but i know myself i have a tendency to implode. i hate working along rules. i have a tendency to work along rules. i'm imploding.

Yorke: "When you're singing, you can use different voices as if you're acting out different parts in a play. I try to sing in a way that fits the lyric and the subject of the song. If we start to fuck with the sounds and with the voice, it becomes more interesting. It gives me licence to say different things. (...) If I describe the music I hear in my head - like, it's two sumo wrestlers fighting it out in a glassware shop, it tickles the other musicians' imaginations, and by trying to create a sound that resembles two sumo wrestlers fighting in a glassware shop, we come up with new sounds."

That there, that's not me
I go where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here

In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah, it's gone

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here....

sleep: 8hours in 3 days. And not counting. I'm starting to become really grouchy. Falling asleep at work is starting to become real.

Even handphones need charging. Superhuman Ling has survived on 20 hours without sleep- working and editing for Julius's project. I'm too bloody low maintenance as an editor. No wannabe tempers or smoking breaks. I just demand black coffee. Julius if you are reading this- remember black coffee! No sugar and shit. Yeah, i did waste time tweaking effects and logging on the roll(cam screwed up) the first 3 sessions. But I did a lot of shitwork today and I'm glad of it. The shots are fab. I make a poor editor because I bloody want to save every shot Yaddin did... haha. This is 545am and I have a whole 12hours(work) and another 9hours(editing) in front of me. That makes 20+12+9= 41 hours without sleep. Was calling people 'Mewmew' by the end of editing today. I should join those hand placing on car contests... I'm drunk when I don't sleep enough- so my producer's gonna see a lot of wierd behaviour today....maybe my stupid corny jokes will resurface.

Stupid thing that lightened up my day: A cute month old pekinese! so cute! like toy dog... Even the guys were enamoured (spelling incorrecto). It was licking my thumb- haha- so cute- A bouncing white fur rug. Another reason why I'm turning from cat lover to dog lover.

Sch just emailed me. Da Vinci Code is available. should leave it alone or should I try to get it on mon- tt will be during my lunch break. I just did a very virgo thing cleaned up all my emails, packed my notes and finally burned the entire collection of radiohead. I feel like a winner. Horoscope says: 156 Trine Mercury - Mercury Positive aspect: You will be in fine form to complete all your professional tasks. Your mind is always alert. amusin, i like it.

Have 4 dictionary sized books to read. final cut pro x 2 and avid express x 2. I never get started. My dad just bought bread from breadtalk. I havent had breakfast. mmmm.. it tastes like rubber.. chew,chew,chew. i feel very satisfied. *big eyes* woof.