My mum's employer's a bloody moron. She was going to resign today, but they asked her to stay until they found someone. I feel she is being made use of:

cause today, she was accused of telling a would-be employee that she was leaving because of her hands. She's a kitchen help and dishwasher everything- and this was quite bad as it caused her joints to swell.

and the knn dared to call my sis (cause she works in the same comp) and accuse my mum of causing this woman to quit!

hello birdbrain, I think you are very mistakened. Don't people have brains of their own- what's so good about the job anyway. Anyway, if someone wanted to quit, they would have quit with all sort of silly reasons. My mother got AIDs! I got herpes! The detergent makes all my pimples pop up! There's a ghost in the oven! The dumb woman actually told the boss that she was scared her hands would end up like that.

The boss is a bloody bastard. He even told my mum that he could find anybody for 0 and was overpaying her. I'ld like to see him try paying someone 0 to work 12 freaking hours with no break and doing all sort of shit in the kitchen. Even the blanglah will steal the coffeepot and run liao.

This kind of people are just out to make trouble and don't appreciate all the nice things you do. I seen it so often in the F&B line, all the managers are bastards who don't appreciate loyalty... What she ought to do, is wait for a saturday afternoon, when the crowd is swarming in and just say- I QUIT-. But my mum's a nicer person than I am. *Exasperated*

i still feel a little crybabyish, but the supplements helped a little.

"what's a little air in the pipes, or even a lot of shit in the hair, if you have good memories?" John Irving

"keep passing the open windows" King of Mice

"you got to get obsessed and stay obsessed" Iowa Bob

The other day this little boy, he couldn't have been past 11, who had a handphone and was travelling all by himself on the mrt. A typical little boy, one of those boys who probably watched sunday cartoons and brought comics to school. He was reading 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'! Imagine that. I was that age too when I started reading it. I was sitting next to him and was peering over, reading my own updike book. It was a nice feeling. When he got up, he sort of looked back as if he noticed my attention on him. It made me think of something I miss, reading for little children my mum used to babysit.

ironing clothes watching the steam rise on a rainy day reminds me of the monsoons of novembers, the whipping lashing trees and the glorious wind. everyone should try it.

where did boom town charlie come from.

i kind of believe I might have atypical depression. That's when you overeat and sleep too much. Haha. no. But also when your mood is elevated in response to positive events, and sensitivity to perceived rejection and feeling leaden. It's nice to have a name for what I have been suffering from since 13 when I started becoming a morose bore. Funnily enough, I can actually 'cure' it with just supplements. Like vitamin Bs, calcium, magnesium, iron, zinc and fish oils. I'm sick of being 'down' all the time and always looking for the next mood enhancer, so I might just go out and get these things. Maybe we can cure the world's ills with supplements who knows- it just boils down to neurons and chemicals and the seething mass of the brain.

the bastard trainer says: wake up your flaccid behind and run! run! Do you think runner's high a good substitute for the world's ills? update u on it in 2 weeks time.

the longer time i spend in fsv, it's harder to get excited over anything. but i saw chris yo' work while editing: the one with the carrot top guy? It's a damn fantastic short piece that deserves a longer story. Yeah, i told him.

The fsv party was very nice. very nice. There was a nice BBQ, a nice soccer game, good dance music, and lots of cigarettes. i had mistaken it for a boozing party- as usual, being the only one with that social vice. it's very touching to see people enjoy themselves. It's touching to see Kedash, Naiz, Andrew, Ika around. It's like celebrating the millienium, post-millienium. Meaning a lot of things. But it's good. very good.

it has occured that I am alone in this, everything of imagination like a broken chip in a potter's shed, the round blue marble on which everyone spins- everyone's lonely confusion. I sit here, intermingled with piano keys are traffic sounds doppling past, cracking chairs as coffee shop owners stir guided by their hazy minds of beer and smoke. Robbed of a natural chinese predilection of dramatic pathos to jump off buildings like in lianhe or scream like in channel 8 dramas; and informed by too much knowing: I sit here: like a blind dog waiting for a car to run it over, but on the curb.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

To have humans smiling at you is very touching. It harks back to babyhood where people smiled at you; even as you knew you were going to poop in their hands. To be in a roomful of strangers, and have them smiling at you is even more touching than to be in a roomful of friends who probably know you too well to smile.

People I know too much leave a psychic blister that never goes away. I ignore them, I cut myself away- but these people are like acid burns hollowing my hand. I may become incapable of friendship. So set in this jellied delusion am I- I think love and friendship are free- like strawberries and cream.

eggs are damn easy to cook right? I just cooked the world's most rubbery eggs. maybe i can use it to poison cockroaches, or make the world's most disgusting egg mayo sandwich.

Blue girl Black boy Everybody but them could see it Their faces like rain in Melbourne.

Vermeer
Goya
Degas
Renoir
Van Gogh
Hopper

Vermeer- his light, the gestures. Goya- the fantastic atmosphere the brooding horizon expressive faces. Degas the limelight dance and crowded private moments. Renoir- the dappled happy sensual light and dance. Van Gogh- the swirling skies and the warm red cafes. Hopper- the amber-like light, drab but not cold, the frozen baby blue seas. I dip a pen into a blue pool.

one happy song coming up:

When you’re on a holiday
You can’t find the words to say
All the things that come to you
And I wanna feel it too

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

hip hip
hip hip

When you’re on a golden sea
You don’t need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

We’ll run away together
We’ll spend some time forever
We’ll never feel bad anymore

hip hip
hip hip
hip hip

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

We’ll run away together
We’ll spend some time forever
We’ll never feel bad any more

gin is very nice. i ffel less like a sumo tensing for a fight. i still can't write.

i feel like drinking now. In fact, Im' going to do that now, it might help me to write.