Monday, June 16, 2003 - 10:11 p.m.
fuck 'em. they are being such insolent jerks. fuckers. i am so pissed off. i am ready to kick a whole in the wall. they are making shit up and telling me that i am a liar!!
many washed and dried dishes later...
ok. so i have calmed down but i am still reeling. i am ready to be a no show at my own wedding. they only care about what everyone else thinks and could care less as to what i am interested in. it disgusts me. i am feeling very twelve years old and pukey. grrr.
i quit. time to pack it in and move on. or far away?
e.
Saturday, May 24, 2003 - 01:25 a.m.
voodoo lady - ween
i have the house to myself. the dude is out at his first, of what seems like many, stag nights. mer organized it - they're going to jilly's! i said he can get up to any kind of trouble he'd like, so long as he doesn't bring me home any shiny new stds. ha. er. heh.
i had a nice night out with oneofthose.com. we hit up the vice party - they were screening style wars 2. sadly, i didn't manage to catch any of the doc, too busy social butterflying. afterwards, the two of us grabbed tea and caught up. i really enjoy talking/discussing/observing with j.
tv is boring me at the moment. fifty-seven channels and i'll want to do is go online. i should really go read and rest up but feeling too alert and energetic.
i think it's my new challenges: yoga and circuit training. both incredibly challenging for me, in very different ways i derive a sense of strength and accomplishment. i love that my body allows me to take it to these new heights after all it's been through in past few years. makes me feel lucky... yoga helps me to connect the dots between my mind, my body and the earth. i think it's the spirituality that i'm hooked on. the deep breathing reminds you that that your body and mind are the two most impressive machines ever invented.
as a result i am feeling stronger in body and mind. still have moments of terrible weakness though. i am just a wimp when it comes to facing the wrath of the world. i think it scares me most because it reminds me of how i too can misbehave.
i've suddenly run out of words.......... ....... .. .
***sw ** dre
**eet * ams ***
e.
Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 04:43 p.m.
hooray! i am most like beyonce! hehe.
i am in such a great mood today. i woke up super early and went for a walk/run.. heard a woodpecker pecking and all. then i had physio, then i came to work. i went for sushi lunch and tonight i am going to a wine tasting with my contact at torontolife at a restaurant called eau. free fancy pants dinners are always fun!
e.
Thursday, May 8, 2003 - 03:29 p.m.
so pony has recommended i continue writing so that wedding stress doesn't end up in my neck. so far, i've managed to maintain the neck but that doesn't mean i haven't been ms. supa cranky stressy girl on occasion. especially in the morning when i always feel like i am running late for work.. this is probably due to my overachieving anal retentiveness: i have been trying to get to work by 9:00 a.m. every day, eat breakfast at home beforehand, bring my lunch and workout every day either at lunch or before/after work. feelin' the pressure! i just want to be in shape for our trip. i finally bought my backpack but when i was trying it out, the guy loaded it with 30 lbs as a test. let's just say i had trouble moving the next day. i need to be stronger!!! anyhow i am very excited to go away and screw sars, it's thailand or bust! right, gotta get back to it. more at some other time.
e.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 - 05:33 p.m.
i am sure no one even checks this frickin' page anymore cos my updates have been so infrequent, but that doesn't mean the party hasn't continued in my head.
sad truth is i've been too busy wedding planning and too depressed about the state of the world that to dampen everyone else's day with my negativity seemed a waste of precious energy and time. saying that, hello, SARS?!? what up? i am totally paranoid and freaking out.
please keep in mind i did spend two weeks in hospital with a (at the time) unknown lung infection, with a fever, slight cough and severe difficulty breathing - only a year ago, so i think i have the right to be a little more freaked than the rest of yas. but man, i never went for purell, and yesterday, i bought the last two mini tubes shopper's had and gave one to the dude. he laughed but i am taking this very seriously. the glut of information and reporting on the net doesn't help. i checked google news before going to bed on sunday and was lying awake in panic until about 4 a.m. (mind you we did have an improptu bbq/party for about 20 of joce's closest friends to celebrate her dirty thirty) so some serious substance abuse (diet coke?) had taken place prior to my insomnia, but still... and now they're saying the virus can survive on inanimate objects for up to 24 hours, and little ocd me was scared to touch public door handles before all this war and pestilence nonsense. crap, this sucks.
selfishly, i am even rethinking our honeymoon. according to the thorn tree on the lonely planet website visitors from sars infected countries might have to wear a mask for a two-week period. that is not the kind of tan lines i am aiming for! and let me just say the only thing getting me through the day-to-day grind of wedding/work/war is that trip to asia. i don't want to reconsider! grrrr. i've been growling a *lot* lately. oh and check this out, brilliant. sigh. oh well. keep on keepin' on.
e.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003 - 03:31 p.m.
Wednesday, March 5, 2003 - 03:35 p.m.
one of my new obsessions is online radio, especially eclectic XL, new indie, old skool, kcrw and a few other stations as part of spinner.com
another one is all matters of tea, specifically green, jasmine, chai, mint, chammomile and earl grey, yes i am becoming a caffeine addict once again.
here are some links for you crazy bored kids at home/work:
ninja ninjas, eat 'em up yum!
here here punk rock kittie kittie
e.
Tuesday, March 4, 2003 - 10:14 p.m.
right, so it's been over a month since my last update.. to be quite honest, i am considering putting an end to this site, at least for the time being. i have just not had the energy to write these days.. been really busy absorbing life and it's many surprises. these days i have been busy with wedding planning (read: trying to prevent both sets of parents from killing each other and calling the whole thing off..) ; working on my relationship with the dude so that when/if this so-called event takes place, we are still a strong united front; dealing with yet a new health problem (hooray for my doomed gene pool!); wondering where we're going to live when we get kicked out this fall, trying to figure out if we can make a move happen before the wedding, or if we have enough time when we get back; trying to focus on my job in the meantime; toying with new job opportunities and fully engaging myself in the menacing new secret addictions... i could go on but i won't. i am sure you are all going through a lot too.. wish i had sometime in all this for friends but it doesn't seem that way.. sigh.. wish i wasn't being so lazy and would use paragraphs cos they make for easier deciphering, then realizing that clarity is a privilege and not a requisite.. missing my brothers.. missing being young and innocent.. embracing my future, while feeling scared about growing up too soon.. wishing i could be a better person all the time... wanting to workout every day but settling for every second day. making lunches, dinners and contemplating takeout menus. saving money, treating myself and taking it easy. blah blah blah. blah de blah blah.
e.