Saturday, May 4, 2002 - 07:17 p.m.

trying hard not to throw up. i just bit into some rotted steamed broccoli that had been sitting in the fridge.

kinda exemplifies my mood today. this week felt challenging: i worked longer hours than usual, socialized a fair bit and started back at the gym. in retrospect, it was probably too much at once. i am back in fast-forward mode and while most days i'm ok, some of the time i think i am going to hurl.

been feeling angry a lot. and hurt.

tried to cheer adina up today and did a shitty job, sorry lady. later i saw spider-man, i enjoyed it but the guys were picky picky.

tonight, a bbq chez jude + adam. tomorrow, bellwalkforkids and another bbq in wasaga.

haven't been writing much lately because i am scared to share my thoughts, or even to run away with them. i'd much rather just run away.

next weekend, i am going to nyc to visit soon-to-be dr. jen. she's doing her phd in psych at columbia. i am so proud. it will be good to spend some time with her. i am looking forward to going away.

how are you? i think i am going to throw up.

e.

Saturday, April 27, 2002 - 02:21 p.m.

my desk arrived tuesday but it took the dude two days to set it up. unfortunately, the drawers are a bit off and now he has to take it apart and start again. in the meanwhile, all my stuff is lying about in need of a home.

i can't wait for it all to be setup, hopefully then i can find some time to alter this crapo site.

for awhile now i've been trying to only eat food with ingredients i recognize. one thing that always freaks me out is "modified milk ingredients". creepy.

been longing for the past lately.. have to find it through music. pulled out albums by new order, nirvana, pulp and even sarah mclachlan. the dude was not digging sarah, kept singing along in a brutal falsetto. 'fumbling towards ecstacy' always makes me sad and weepy. i guess it represents a fucked up time for me. i was in a foul mood too, wanted to let it all out and be miserable. didn't work, the dude's falsetto got the better of me and got me out of the funk.

do you really care? why the hell are you reading this anyway? who are you?

fuck off, i am crazy.

e.

actually, once i get my desk up and running, i might just forgo the blog and focus on actual writing instead. novel idea isn't it? pun not intended.