Friday, May 31, 2002 - 10:35 p.m.

k-os > heaven only knows

what an apt sentence to define this year so far... 2003 - the year my life turned into a novel. i feel like a drama queen - i'd been stumbling along, enjoying the silence, and boom! i've been smacked upside the face.

every day has been a challenge. every sentence a debate. i've been walking barefoot on eggshells. the dude is concerned i am going to snap, crackle pop!

but this week my felt like i was living a high stakes jenga game. somehow i managed to take a block from the middle and put it on top.

once i am used to a routine, it is easier to maintain control and to focus on the positive. i feel as though i've had a personal breakthrough. i kept my personal shit together and have even managed to achieve stability with my neck. been doing my exercises diligently every morning and even when it starts to hurt at work... and it's been working.

i've managed to start up things at the gym without overdoing it and pushing myself to exhaustion. i am recognizing my weaknesses at all levels, mental and physical. it's amazing!

and i've got my reward to prove it. stayed calm throughout this week's personal crises and someone at work complimented me on my posture, as my zeida carl says "UN BeLIevAbLe!"

anyhooo... i am looking forward to finding more balance in my life and to chill out and pamper myslef this weekend on a job well done.

i've been a bit diffcult lately but i am working on it. thank you for being patient with me, it's just a difficult year. and i am going to have bad days, unbearable weeks but i will persist. you're stuck with me. and i on you.

e.