Prince of Persia
Time, oh only by the time
Never will we know if our love is true
At night I sleep and dream of you
Only to awake in my empty room
Chorus:
You give me power
You give me reason
So will you love me?
Time only knows
Time only knows
(Repeat twice)
Chorus:
Said I sit away lonely
And I get away only in my mind
Said I sit away lonely
And I get away sometimes
So I gather my things
And be on my way
Into my lonely place
Said I'm feelin' lonely and lonesome
And I just need to get away
And if you could know what I'm afraid of
You would be frightened
And if you could feel the pain that
I'm feelin'
Then you would know why, I
Chorus
Breakdown:
Sit away
Said I get away
Said I sit away
Said I sit away
Why do I feel
Like I will never be loved again
There I go
Back in my mood again
Lonely, lonely
Chorus
I was again caught up in yet another nightmare. I woke up at 4 a.m. and went back to sleep. Unfortunately, today I woke up feeling angry and nasty. I am indeed in a fighting mood. Right now I wish someone would just do something stupid just so that I could bite their head off. *sigh* I really hate it when that happens.
The bits and pieces that I remember was that the dream included friends. That made me woke up nastier. It's one thing to suffer nightmares about ppl you don't know, a complete stranger and its another to have deep scary dreams about some one that you care of deeply. I hate it because it's almost like waiting for another shoe to fall. Illogical? Yes. Can I help it? No.
Some of my friends then will get strange phone calls out of the blue from me asking of they are ok. TJ got it, Hani, Cindy, Fabs and numerous others too, at one time or another. I guess I have to learn to tune out on other people's vibes.
Crazy as it may sound, everyone I interact with will have their own 'vibe' or moods. I will somehow detect hidden troubles, worries and absorb it. It somehow becomes mine. I am unfortunately an empathic. So I might not know what caused you worry or pain but I feel it and I carry it with me until it escalates or when I confirm that something is wrong and fix it.
This time I am carrying anxiety or a worry of a friend. I can't say who but I've been getting all sort of emotional signals that is saying that that particular friend is ready to break. I can't confront my friend nor could I help. In other words, I am worried and there's nothing I can do about it. Hence the nightmare which was so vivid, its scary.
I guess the reason why I'm blogging about this is so that I can let go of this worry. I'm tired of worrying and not being able to do anything. I need to leave things alone. I need to walk away. Maybe then I can find some peace before I completely go nuts over worry. There are times when I wish I could just walk away from my concerns. As one friend constantly says, "Julie, you care too much."
I have to go, work calls. Later....
Love,
Julie
For the past 2 days, my mood has been most foul indeed. I was more then a little pissed off about somethings. Like a mild reprimand from the bosses assistant. And that my database was having some irritating problem for me to import the old datas. I need to intergrate things two database into one and that is giving me some headaches. For the past two days, I mostly go home exhausted.
Last night I read some books that was in my collection. Yes, it's philosophy. I re-read and was reminded of some things I seem to have forgottened. I'd like to share a couple of them with you so that when you reach at your breaking point, you'd remember it and feel better.
First, always be grateful for life blessings. In my case, I was worried about those coding that was driving me insane. I was upset and was drawn into a brooding silence. Everyone around me saw that I was boiling underneath that calm surface, and stayed out of my way. Then I realised that I had forgotten to be greatful for all the things that I've been blessed with. Like a co-worker who would help me figure out what was wrong with the coding. Clerical staff who are kind enough to put my work as priority and have it done immediately.
Secondly, to stop worrying about things. Yes, STOP WORRYING! Sure my intergration problem is solved and now I have to figure out what's wrong with the report generator. But why worry. If I can't solve it then move around it, like change the report design. It's not like I never done it before. Plus my boss is not particular about the report. So there I was worrying about coding when I could have just adjust the report output. Sometimes when you worry too much, you have the tendency to overlook things. Like other solutions.
Gosh, today I feel so much better. I have several projects in hand. Two database to perfect before the next meeting. Two report due soon and my ongoing troubleshooting. You think that's a problem? Nah, think positive and take one thing at a time. It'll work out. Alright, so get back to work. I gotta go, work calls. Later!!!!
Love,
Julie.
Weekend Bash
Last weekend, we celebrated Pet's birthday. Awwww.... he's one year older. Plus we also celebrated Father's day. Both were honored last Sunday. I was out till the wee hours of the morning on Saturday, drinking coffee. I met up with Nadia, Hani and Tariq after work on Friday and I felt so much better this week.
On Saturday, I suprised my parents by refusing to follow them on their short trip. I was still tired from the week's work load and didn't want to over tire myself that weekend. So I stayed home and had mom bought me pink blush roses :D I have them in a jar in my room. Ah, there's nothing more lovely then unexpected roses. I like them in deep red, clean white and blush pink. But my favorite has to be white tiger lilies. They are just so beautiful.
Love
Hah, I bet you are curious about my love life. It's non-existant. Not now. We shall see.... The heart can't help but yearn but I am well grounded in reality. Time will definitly tell. Thank you to Hani and Tariq for their patience with me. I've been alternating between grilling and babbling about matters of the heart. Thanks to Nadia for helping me find the courage to go after what I want.
Yesterday
I wanted to blog yesterday. It would have been dedicated to the two men in my life who means the world to me. One who helped me to learn about life and another who cushions my falls. One who showed me the world and another who helps me explore it. Both have one thing in common, they love me.
We have our disagreements, it would be strange if we didn't. All three of us has such strong personality. Fire eater or deeply passionate. Both I speak my mind to when I need assurance. Both who, lies to me when I needed it most. But they had shaped my life to be true to myself. So I see through that lie and see the love behind the lie and feel reassured enough to be honest to myself without crippling me. Both understands that I'm my own harshest judge.
When I'm at rock bottom, I could expect both to help me up, either willingly or kicking and screaming. They love enough to do that. To have the patience to slowly talk me out of my hard silence or shell. There are thousand more things that I could say to them. But one word stands out.
I have to go, work calls. Later.
Love,
Julie
