(Monday, September 22, 2003, 08.00 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
Today was a very 'demanding' day so to speak. I think that in actuality I should have just not lost my temper and accept the fact that life is full of idiots. Hell, I'm an idiot. How else do I explain the reason I go to work every single morning, waking up at the unGodly hour of 6 a.m. just to go and face idiots that try to make your life a living pain. By 11 a.m., I can feel my head throbbing, as I am not a male by any chance, that didn't please me:p
Boss keep demanding more and more report and he keeps on giving impossible demands. Has he lost his mind?? Maybe but he also has a boss that he has to answer to. What can I say, if ppl ride your a$$, you ride another?? Dunno. That seem to be the current to-do thing with the managers. We all lost our mind.
Someone SMSed telling me of her pain being ignored by a guy just because of another pretty and gentle girl who looks so innocent that pijak semut pun tak mati?? (Sorry antusemut) Except, did I mention that she is currently dating a married man and that she is breaking up another women's marriage. Wow!! So good and pious they called her. Too bad that her heart couldn't be a pure as she looks.
The demon in me wanted to say, "To hell with him. Let him make his bed and lay in it. Then when it's all over say, "PADAN MUKA". Yes, ladies and gents, I have surprising low tolerance for STUPID SHALLOW males. The reason I hate shallow males could also be cause I'm ugly . But hey what the heck, who cares about.
Instead, I told her to give it time. (Yes, I could be surprising mild sometimes.) I wouldn't ask her to forget cause from the testimonial from other girls, it usually doesn't work. Time might ease the pain but it wouldn't make you forget. I wish I could have done more. I told her that if he's lucky, he'll find his way back to her. Otherwise, let go. It only hurts when you keep on hoping.
Well, got to go.
Love,
Julie.
(Sunday, September 21, 2003, 08:13 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
This morning I recieved an early morning call that told a tale of betrayal. O.k. so maybe that more than a bit dramatic than it is. Regardless, I took loyalty for granted that it hit me so hard. My first reaction was,"How could she do that to me? Why didn't she tell? Is she trying to hide things from me? How many secrets has she's been keeping from me?? I'm her 'bestest' friend. Who else other than me would walk the path that she trod upon before?
So I sulked and literally asking myself what went wrong in our friendship. Was it something that I do? I said? Did I make her angry? I fear to call and ask, scared of what she might say. Scared that she'd hurt my feelings. Finally, I called anyway, I couldn't hurt worse anyway. And....
Nothing.... Literally nothing. In a fact, I clouded my day without a good reason. Now why was I making a mountain out of a mole hill?? Dunno??? Maybe I'm more than insecure in my friendship? When there's nothing much in common anymore, you begin to wonder, 'where's my place in this equation?' I guess I better get comfortable with myself again. I have to trust that the bond of friendship that was built over long years can survive our differences.
I guess I learned my lesson. I should have trusted the person who stood with me through hard times. I should also find humor in unexpected places. Sometimes I become so serious that I feel that I'm becoming someone else. Which is why I'm trying to resist becoming a dour boring person so hard. I'm literally kicking and screaming, but hey, life happens.
I apologise to all parties involved. I shouldn't gone all balistic on you ppl. Well got to go. Later!!!!!
(Saturday, September 20, 2003, 08:11 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
How far are you willing to go for the person you think that might be the love of your life? For most ppl including myself, not far. There's always that factor call 'PRIDE' or 'EGO'. Why? Cause cowardly ppl like us are the one who call those brave souls that made the first move as, 'Perigi cari timba', 'tak tahu malu', 'gedik' and other negative words. I admit I fear not only rejection but also cruel words that make me shrink to 2 feet tall.
I have a friend that thought she found the RIGHT guy. While playing the typical courting game that all males and females do, he disappeared. Literally. Gone. She mourned the loss wishing that she didn't bother with playing hard to get the why society expect her to. But recently he appear and before you know it, he was again gone.
We, her closest friends, cheered her on, when she decided that this time pride will not stop her from getting to know the guy for good. He might be a monster deep down inside but at least this time she will know for sure if he's the one. We held her hands when the time was hard and she was at the verge of giving up when.... he called.
So, her story begin. Maybe they would only just be friends. Maybe, nothing might come out of it. But just maybe, they'd end up married. Who knows?? But at least she could say honestly that she tried. Not just sitting around whining about the lack of men in her life. 10 years from now she wouldn't look back and mourned the lost chances. No more what if's. Fate is not only in God's hands but also in our.
So, what about you?? Are you gonna change or deride other ppl experiences. Sit back and whine, anybody? Or do you prefer to chart your own destiny? Well, I hope this entry will help some ppl out there. Later!!
Love,
Julie.
(Friday, September 19, 2003, 05:23 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
This week I was scolded by numerous ppl in the management, dump lots of project upon by boss, pestered by vendors with impossible demands and right now I feel so anti-social I wish I was the Godess Kali, or I'm off on a holiday in a resort FAR away from HERE, or just in the middle of a deserted island. Ppl demanding instant result just pi$$es me off. I get the job done, but shoddily done lah.
Then there's the truce that I have to maintain, which I blew in less then 12 hours... I'm sorry about that, but it just had to be done. My trip to visit friends today, to see if my friend is ready to jump off a building over a guy (not the smartest thing since they are at the early stage of relationship).
Overall, today, after the clock struck 4.30 p.m., I was too tired to even crawl out of the building and meet friends. What I need is a BIG dose of caffine. Then I visited Hani's site and read the comments and LAUGHED my head off. Things aren't so bad anymore. Well, there more things in life than work you know. Like pleasure.
I accused Hani of leading me to the path to hell. She countered by saying that, she was merely teaching me about the pleasure of life and that she had nothing but good intentions. So I ended the debate by saying, "Sometimes, the most good intentions may lead you stright to the path of hell. But...., then, life only happen once, might as well savor it while we can."
Got to go. Later!!!!!!1
Love, Julie.
(Thursday, September 17, 2003, 08:15 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
Today I had a meeting with a vendor. Which vendor? A friend who I invited to be a vendor:) So the staff on my floor knew that one from this group of ppl is my friend. Then aggrivating things caught up to me. First had to finish an 'emergency' report. Then ppl call to ask questions that's not my business. After that things just go down hill. Gosh there are time when I don't like people much. Sometimes I wish I'm an island, far from here.
Back to the story, the vendor that came had 3 guys and a girl. Pretty cool to have another girl in a meeting. Then as soon as they left the natives decended upon my head. I fended them off by saying that I haven't had my tea but finally their persistance paid off.
"So which one was your friend? Is he the short guy in blue??"
That I had to say was funny, just cause I said my friend looked normal they assume the worst. Poor guy being accused of being my friend. Everyone knows that my friends are EVIL....! So I said,
"No, it's the other one."
"The one that came out to talk on the phone??? Wow!! He's handsome la... Whay you said he look average normal guy. So... good looking...."
*looked baffled* "He's good looking? You think?"
"Ya lah, look at him so polished and tall."
"Eh..? I wouldn't tell him about the tall part. He thinks he so.... tall already."
"True mah, he is taller that you and the other guy."
"Firstly, everyone is taller that me, secondly that's cause you ppl haven't meet Tan. He's my friend too."
"Yes, but why not tackle him mah, in front of your eyes only."
Why is it that everyone thinks that I should be searching for a boyfriend? As if I'd do that to some poor guy. No... I happy single with roving eyes. TJ n me, we have this problem with commitment. We kinda wary of such thing. So I was saved by the Boss when he appeared on my floor dispersing the illegal gathering:)
So, to my friend I apologise, I know I promise to give up but.... tak tahan la. There something about you that bugs me so:) Tee hee. So... should I reveal you to ppl? Ah, never mind, I'm sure the visitor to this site know who you are already:)
Love,
Julie.
(Thursday, September 16, 2003, 08:12 a.m.)
Mmmm, mmmm
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that
Chorus (first time substitute "strength" for "love" and "saved" for "changed"):
And i'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that i'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
Inside i was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside i looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing
(chorus)
I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, i travel in stillness
And i'll remember happiness
I'll remember [i'll remember]
Mmmmm... [i'll remember]
Mmmmm...
(chorus)
[i'll remember]
No i've never been afraid to cry
Now i finally have a reason why
I'll remember [i'll remember]
(repeat 3 times, substituting "and" for "now" the second and third times)
(a/k/a Theme from the Motion Picture "With Honors") Words and Music by Madonna, Patrick Leonard and Richard Page
Thank you.
Love,
Julie
(Tuesday, September 15, 2003, 01:20 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
The thing I hate most are :
1. Most of the time when I ask for help. They would, relctantly. They take their time. And I end up doing it myself (or paying ppl to do it for me) since they are so UNRELIABLE.
Then there's the type of people who destroys my property, oh excuse me merely not take care of my property?? My newly bought novel was soaked and became kembang. Very nasty condition for a beloved collection book to be in. Any apologies?? Nope. Nary a word. When I confronted that person, that person got defensive. I'm not asking for you to buy new book, I want you to tell me that you are sorry it happened (lie if you have to). Nope, instead I got scolded instead. Thank you, next time stay away from my books. You are acting childish. All I needed was an apology. 1 words, "Sorry." Do not justify things!
Do we realise that the things that we hate most about other ppl actually exist in oneself?? Yes, it's true. Next time something ppl do that irritates you, think about it. Am I doing it just like what he/she did to me, but to other ppl?
Ppl who cannot tell me the truth about me to my face. If you have something to say about me say it to my face. Acting like a back-stabber and talking about it behind my back doesn't help me improve myself, does it? I suggest strongly that if you have a problem, tell it to me stright, don't discuss it behind my back. You are not my shrink and you don't walk in my shoes, you don't know me that well.
What I hate most is LACK of compassion for others. Yes, there are times when I act like a brat and selfish but I don't talk down to other ppl. If you are so good, you'd be on national TV by now. Since I never seen you make an appearence yet, you are as nobody as anyone else. In fact, I like being a nobody. It means that I have LOTS of privacy. What is so grand about being 'someone'? I think everyone is unique. Life your life and stop trying to make others feel inferior. That is just SICK.
After all said and done, I'm just tired of having to play mind guessing games with you ppl in my life. I'll take things at its face value. If that's not good enough, too bad. I can only try to please you so much.
Later!!
Love,
Julie.
(Tuesday, September 14, 2003, 08:18 a.m.)
Dear ppl,
I recieved this e-mail and decided to share with everyone. What do you say???
Subject:the reason why i'm not married yet
Hi MUM - this is why I am not married yet!!
1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW ....WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a womans job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
Yours lovingly,
Your daughter
So what da ya think?? I think it's funny and sometimes true. I wonder what the female version will be:)
Later!!
Love,
Julie.
(Friday, September 12, 2003, 03:50 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
Today for lunch, My partner and I decided to go to Imbi Plaza to look for SAS program. So what to do? We took the Monorail. Among the stations Imbi station stood out since I wanted to go to Imbi Plaze. So we got down there. Circle around looking for Imbi Plaza without much success. Why? Hani, my partner and myself was driven to Imbi plaza. We dont know how to get there via foot. We don't even know how the building look like. Finally, my partner, the voice of sensibility suggested that we asked the Pak Guards.
Luckily they didn't laughed stright into our faces. They merely smirked and gave direction. What I didn't realize was that Imbi Plaza was right BESIDE Sg Wang Plaza. *sigh* Wasted 1 hour mandering around searching for that place. We could have just alighted at Bintang Station. The good news was that we FINALLY found that darted software after searching for weeks.
Hahahaha.. nothing more to say. Later ppl.
Love,
Julie.
(Thursday, September 11, 2003, 05:08 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
I don't care if people think that my life revolves around work! I leave to go to work at 6 a.m. and come home sometime around 6-7p.m. By the time I got things settled at home, its already 9p.m. I go to bed anytime around 10-11p.m. So tell me what life do you expect from me?
Although today was a mixture of anger and laughter. In the morning I had NOTHING to do until 12 noon when I do my daily chore at work. I chase after boss & neighbour for work to be done so that my project is ongoing. That made me angry. Then there was Jean. She gave innocent remarks for me to change it into a totally different issue altogather. We discuss about office romance and the possibility of her getting good grades from her supervisor if she blackcmail him. She'd rather not but you never know, I might just talk her into it:)
Then there's an email notifying us of a department meeting. Malasnya........................ So went to the meeting. Sat right infront so that I'll be the last to discuss my ongoing project. Turns out that I was to be the first. Bah!!! Then poor partner had to write up meeting minutes. Boss said, "I'd let J write it except that she's sitting close to me and I fear she would hit me." As if I would:p I'm a good girl and I behave so.... well.
Then boss made a statement that makes me want to bean him on the head. "The programming is pretty simple what..?! It shouldn't take long." Damm him, if its so easy why do we PAY other people to do work. Let him do it. Argh!!!! That hints 'DELAY' of my project. NO!!!!!!!
Other than that I bought 100 grams of cookies for lunch.... Choc cookies from that Amos that is so Famous. Mmmmmmmmm.......... It simply melts in my mouth... I believe that everone should at least have 1 cookie a day. It keeps ppl sane:)
Perhaps that is all that I have to day about today. Later!!!
Love,
Julie.
PS : Anyone up to buying me cookies?? Brother??? My love??
(Thursday, September 10, 2003, 08:37 a.m.)
Dear ppl,
I was so... busy when boss decided that he wanted my latest report on something. Problem is that I can't find enough sources to actually write the report. So I wrote half of the report and submitted them. So embarrased. Thankfully boss was very understanding. He did make me call companies which is such a pain since I'm afraid that the company will ridicule my questions. Thankfully that didn't happen.
Then chased after everyone to keep my semi-long term project running. The due date is near but yet, people are taking their time. So malas to keep track of things to do.
I went home and decided to try my hand at actually finishing the FF8 game I borrowed from Fabian. I was stuck in a City and I have no idea what to do. After calling someone for the solution, my pc hung twice. I gave up and played spider solitare instead. Argh!!! I want to finish soon...... Please....
Haha!!! Actually have nothing to say. Later.
Love,
Julie.
(Wednesday, September 9, 2003, 05:22 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
Today, I was on a field trip to the Kuala Lumpur International Motorshow. It was WONDERFUL and yet PAINFUL. It was a company sponsored trip (like I'd pay to go in *rolls eyes*) I was suppose to talk to sales men and get the latest info about cars. Researching about the updates and making contacts is such a pain. But I met my true loves. All my dream CARs, 4WD and motorcycles. I tell ya, I need lots of money to keep me happy.
I was accompanied by two office mates, I guess they are the tai che's who goreng the people I was talking to. It had 4 main halls with all the super cool cars and for people who are searching for a car this is a good place.
I took us 4-5 hours to finish and by the end of that my foot was so sore I wanted to cry. I didn't get to enjoy my beloved Porsche cause my foot hurt like mad. Well got to go. Later!!!!
Ppl you should go and enjoy the motor show. The babe was HOT!!!
Love,
Julie.
(Monday, September 8, 2003, 04:13 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
The Bound Woman
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I stumbled upon this quiz in someone blog, and decided to try it. That will teach me:)
I have two assignment but both people who I need to start the job isn't here. Blagh, so lazy to do work. Nieza is eagerly waiting for work to end. Me?? I don't care. Work, home, what's the difference. Oh, right, her boyfriend is coming home from abroad today. No wonder la.
Had a totally sinful weekend. Well hell, I'm destine to become a dissalute walking disaster. My madness? I'm not mad to my standards, to the norm maybe. but not to mine. Supressing my innerself is the hardest thing to do. That inner wild child is simply so ready to jump out and destroy the life I tried so hard build. I try so hard to be normal but the wild wicked side of me is calling my name each time there's the slightest chance for me to misbehave.
"Come on, Julie. Just once. Try that. You only live once."
What a nightmare. Morality is no longer an issue. I finally gave up that boring up tight moral values. The only principle that I hold on to is "To harm non". So technically it's ok to self destruct. Not the painful agonizing why that's so annoying. Instead I'm so tempted to live in the glory of sin and waste. Except I do love myself SO...... much. Blagh... Someone suggest that I take that jump:) Ok, so that person thought it was a positive change. I didn't give the DETAILS of my little evil plans.
So what did I do last weekend? Had a great time with friends and became a complete couch potato on Sunday. That doesn't sound so bad does it? If only you knew....
Later!!!
Love,
Julie
(Monday, September 8, 2003, 12:10 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
I'm writing again since my office pc finally get the internet connection. It took a long time and a lot of nagging until the Streamyx finally came through. Now hopefully I will blog regularly.
The day is still early. $hit I'm late for work. Later!!!
Love,
Julie
