(Thursday, February 19, 2004, 01:52 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
Last night a close friend called me up after a long absence. She was busy catching up with her career, family and boyfriend. And as promised once everything is settled, she'd give me a call. We were talking about everything, her boyfriend, her studies, my work and mutual friends. Then she said somethings thats funny.
"I told my classmates (she's further studying) that I have a lot of girlfriends that wants a boyfriend but when is approached by one, they run miles away."
"My boyfriend said saw his friends admiring me and told me not to look at them. I must look only straight ahead."
Her >>"My pointer sucks. Unlike you smart ppl."
Me >>"What?? Woi, yours was 3.++"
Her >>"Yes, but my course is really easy."
Me >>*puzzle* "I might have mistaken but I was so sure that your major was Nuclear Physics."
Her >>"Yes but still..."
Me >>"Idiot!!! Leap off KLCC and die."
Then my dad appeared out of no where wanting to use the pc. Argh!!!!!!!!!! I want to read my animes and play games. Go away!! Well, he is my dad. So I had to watch TV with mom downstairs:P She get to pick the channel. *sigh*
Office politic sucks
That's all I've got to say about the topic.
Office pc died/terminally ill for the ??? time
I don't know what is it that I do to my office pc, but this is the 3-4 time my pc gave me problems over the period of what?? 7-8 months. My boss begins to give me wary looks already. It's not like I wanted the pc to be problematic. Despite the fact that my office pc was hmm.. 3-4 months. I changed pc like 3-4 month back due to the fact that my pc was assigned to another person. So far I've changed 4 pc already. 2 pc due to upgrading and 1 due to pc transfer:p
Do I demand all that much from my pc?? I feel so cursed. Today spent most of the morning installing OS. Then my boss told me that the system that I was managing went and died yesterday after I left. What???!!! What happened?? Had a tiny disagreement with boss about that. On how to handle the problem. *sigh* Tired of running around solving things like this. Plus still haven't finished dumb inventory. *throws poison darts on 'someone's picture*
GTG, later!!!
Love,
Julie.
(Wednesday, February 18, 2004, 02:00 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
I think its time to finally confront the biggest problem in my life and let people understand why I don't really enjoy going out with people. The ultimate truth that might suprise you but well... you've got to be in my shoes to feel it. Some accuses me of being overly sensitive. Some think that I'm being a total brat about this and some will simply dismiss it.
Today, I had a department lunch. So all 10 of us went and since it was Danny who was buying, everyne was really cheerful at the prospect of this outing. So as the lunch proceed, everyone was talking. Having mostly nothing to say, I kept my peace. As usual, things ppl talk about range around the industry faux pas (hope I spelled that right) and finally tv.
Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with watching tv. I occasionally enjoy watching them myself. In fact, I used to really enjoy keeping up with series. The Chinese, Korean, Japanese, English and Latino dramas. But as I grew up my father weaned me off them. There's always family traveling trips to take me away from weekend tv shows. Then there's sports shows that my father wanted to watch.
After a while, I just don't care anymore. With TV, without TV, my life is complete anyway. I spend more time surfing the net then I spend watching TV. In fact, I think 70% of my life is spent reading. I just never learned how to follow TV series anymore. I can't seem to care that I missed a show or two, tell you what, lets just not watch TV. It's a tool of propaganda anyway. A way to distract people of the realities of life. Who cares about the war in the Middle East when you can watch American Idol. (If you still haven't noticed, I was being sacarstic.)
So today as people talk about TV, I will sit silently wondering about the things that they talk about. Hmmm... how important is that... I become critical of the whole thing and decided that its not worth watching. As I look around the table I wonder, how many would care if I brought up the horror stories about Iraq and Afganistan? Who would care? It's not like we can do anything about it.
So I'd sit in a crowd listening to everything that ppl talk about feeling like a total outcast. Nice feeling really. I can't bring myself to tell them that I have no idea what they are talking about. I'd politely smile and laugh as everyone does. Isn't that just sick? I feel sick of pretending that I know exactly what they say. Mostly I am petty enough to say I don't care. Ah, how I enjoy my life under a rock....
This happens everytime I go out in a group that I finally gave up. Nowdays I tend to go out one to one or maximum 3 person at one go. Then at least I can pick people's brain. In a group somehow I never had any succesful serious conversation. Somehow I think the lacking is in me. I lose patience when ppl interrupt any conversation. (Nina, you sometimes do that. I constantly want to strangle you when you do it.)
So now what? I'm not anti social. No, I'm quite the party animal (sometimes). I like talking to people. But I'm not a group talker. I hate to lecture and I don't really want to be at the center of attention. I like it best when I talk one to one with anyone. That means nobody is dominating the conversation. Ah, I am evil indeed.
It really hurts when you don't fit. A total outcast. Not to know about the things that they talk about eg Survivor, American Idol, Akademi Fantasia etc. Even if I did listen, I couldn't imagine what that person is trying to share with me. Very frustrating. (Unless that person is Nina. She could describe thing in great detail that the image just appear in you mind.) Isn't it nice to be the freak.
Currently the only thing that I follow is Warblogging and which ever anime that Cindy is sharing with me. Blah, I hate being so boring:p Well, I guess I can't help it. It's just is.
Love,
Julie.
(Tuesday, February 17, 2004, 10:47 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
Nowdays, I don't really have the energy to blog. There's a lot to say really. Firstly, thank you Hani for renaming my files so that it is properly arranged. I get up, go to work every morning and by the time I get home, I no longer want to think. How sad. As one friend complained, "You have no stamina, Julie." Yes, I admit ever since I stop arobics I turn to mush.
Am currently doing software inventory. Boss was in panic and needed them to be done urgently. As it is I have a 20+ file to convert and properly arrange. So I stop all those tedious work only to start on another one:p
I am currently re-evaluating my life. From my dressing, how I look, my weigh and even my room. *sigh* It's time to leave childhood behind and move to the next stage. *gasp* Grow up??!! But when I was a child I distinctly remember telling myself that "I will never grow up and become as boring as all those grouchy adult." I scolded Niza for even suggesting such scarilage.
I watched 'Brotherhood of the Wolves' tonight. As I see soldiers walking around in breeches I smirked to myself. you see, I understand the reason I wasn't born at that era as a French noble woman or worse a widowed French noble women. I would definitly chase after those breeches. Hehehhehehehe! Julie has an evil mind:)
I converted Niza into listening Josh Groban. Back when she would look at me strangely, now she listens to his music everyday. Oh, I'm currently am on a chocolate cookie addict streak. God knows how long its going to last. As it is I'm breaking my budget's back
Am too sleepy to blog properly. Good night ppl. Pray for world peace cause as far as i'm concerned there's way to may ppl who enjoys destroying another human being.
Love,
Julie.
(Monday, February 16, 2004, 09:08 p.m.)
Dear ppl, I have happy news to share with everybody. It seems one of my UKM friends is getting married. Or at least she’s hopes to. You see, Muslims marries by having the akad nikah (vows spoken by the groom) ceremony done by the kadi (holy man). For Zarina, in her society there’s one particular kadi that’s most respected by all. It seems that the couples that this particular holy man officiate seems to last. So today my very excited friend called me up to tell me that she would be flying to Dubai on Thursday. Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The reason she called was because I insisted that she inform me of any news of impending nikah/wedding.
*throws hand up in the air and running around in circles* Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There’s 2 reason why I freaked out. One, I promised to sing at her wedding reception in Hindi (her language). Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just had to be Bole Chudiya (My bangles say) from the movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. I wonder if I could change it to Dil Laga Liya Maine (I have given my heart) which is definitely shorter and less complicated. Secondly, I have to again wear my black and silver Hindi costume. I am way too embarrassed and I look terribly fat in them. Argh!!!! Plus mom and dad just told me that I’ve put on weight lately. I have to diet and practice that particular song. Why did I promise to sing at her reception???!! Oh, yes, I called him (her fiancé) Bole Chudiya.
Love
I shan’t pretend to be a pro at love but lets again talk about love. Some say love is patient. Some says that ‘Love means never to say ‘I’m sorry’’. I agree, love is patient. It needs both partners to accept each others weakness. But love is also a gamble. When you enter the stake, you must learn when to up the ante, when to fold and when to go for the broke. Unfortunately, many don’t know when to fold. Even with such losing streak, they keep on trying hoping that the next hand would be the one that ‘make’ them. I learned how to fold only after going through such a hard time myself.
Plus, I’ve enough pride and back bone to say enough is indeed enough. I cried enough to fill a small fish pond. I went through the insomnia streak until I had to start taking sleeping pills to regulate the sleep patterns again. I’ve walked/paced the floor of my room (at midnight) far enough to make it on foot from Rawang to Bangi. I’ve asked God/my friends/the walls of my room again and again why it happened this way. I picked up filthy habits along the way just to find a way to forget and walk away. I’ve worked so hard so that I could fall into bed to exhausted to dream.
That my friend, is how hard I loved. But I walked away from it all before I loose it all. How can I have my children respect me when their daddy show such contempt for their mother? How can I have equal rights with my husband when I have no say to who I want to be? How can I face the mirror every morning thinking, “God, another day to constantly please everyone else except myself.”? I know that I would love completely and entirely. Therefore, I do deserve better. I have a lot to give but I must also receive enough so that I can give more. And people wonder what I look for…
Busy
I deeply apologize to Az due to the lateness of my e-mail reply. I get really busy at work and I hate to e-mail from home:p Will write to you soon okay. Come to KL soon so we could catch up on everyone’s news.
Madness
Evil Cindy has introduced me to horrible Yami no Matsuei. I hate her cause now I’m addicted as hell to it!! Am thinking of buying stuff that I know are frivolous. Plus, I’m addicted to the whole comic cause it so….. FUNNY!!!! Argh…..! I just can’t stop!
GTG, Mom calls.
Love,
Julie.
(Monday, February 16, 2004, 01:49 p.m.)
You are Tatsumi.
Which Yami no Matsuei Character are You?
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